The GaryVee Audio Experience
Episode: You’re Not a Loser, You’re Just Losing: AI, Fear & Taking Your Power Back | Tea with GaryVee 94
Host: Gary Vaynerchuk
Date: November 19, 2025
Overview
This episode of Tea with GaryVee (Ep. 94) centers on breaking free from fear, taking accountability, and regaining personal power in a world full of change—especially as AI and social pressures escalate. Gary Vaynerchuk gives direct, tough-love advice to his audience and callers, challenging common excuses, debunking the myth of being “a loser,” and emphasizing the growth that comes from adversity and taking responsibility. The discussion also touches on parenting, emotional intelligence, business tactics for small entrepreneurs, and the real assessment of happiness and success.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. You’re Not a Loser, You’re Just Losing
- Gary debunks the idea that anyone is permanently a “loser.”
- Losing is positioned as a temporary state from which everyone can recover if they take action and responsibility (“Nobody's a loser. You're currently losing.” [09:52]).
- Memorable Analogy: Compares life’s setbacks to the Karate Kid’s final comeback, championing resilience over defeatism.
2. Fear as the Ultimate Weapon
- Fear is constantly weaponized by parents, bosses, and society to control behavior ([03:23]).
- People often retreat into blame and excuses, surrounding themselves with enablers rather than facing their personal fear and circumstances head-on.
- Gary calls out this “three musketeers of bullshit” mentality ([01:40]), pushing listeners to self-interrogate and break free.
3. The Problem with Coddling and Avoidance in Parenting
- Over-coddling leads to low self-esteem and lack of resilience in young adults ([07:27]).
- Avoidance of competitive situations (like board games) signals insecurity in children; allowing kids to lose and try again builds true confidence ([07:44], [08:16]).
- Quote:
“If you have a kid who cries when they lose and then wants to play again, you have a winner on your hands.” [08:16]
4. Defining Success Beyond Grades and Materialism
- Gary challenges the societal definition of success as tied to grades, financial status, or social media clout, advocating happiness, mental well-being, and gratitude instead ([38:20], [43:00]).
- Parents are encouraged to model and preach this to struggling children, as illustrated in discussions with callers about their kids’ anxieties.
5. Handling Insecurity and Taking Accountability
- Listeners are asked to consider at what age they should stop blaming parents or circumstances (“at what age do you stop blaming mom and dad…” [18:20]).
- Many admit in real time they’ve passed that age, and Gary pushes for a “ME” mindset and radical ownership ([20:33-21:53]).
6. Practical Business Advice
- For a local auto glass business struggling to grow, Gary prescribes hyper-local Facebook ads with low budget but high targeting ([12:17]).
- Suggests that side hustles can be balanced with a full-time job as needed for financial security.
- Reinforces flexibility: “Nothing wrong with trying to go all in on something.” [13:23]
7. Emotional Intelligence (EI) as the Competitive Edge in the AI Era
- Asks if people should double down on EI as AI becomes more prevalent; Gary predicts those who combine emotional intelligence with tool-savvy leadership will outshine automation ([14:33]).
- Foresees “people managing AI bots” becoming common, and EI as a core management value.
8. Communication, Candor, and Relationships in Business and Life
- Discusses the tension when business partners (or couples) don’t share bandwidth or motivation; recommends honest conversations (“candor”) rather than trying to change someone’s core nature ([26:21]).
- Couples therapy is compared to “maintenance” like gym/meditation—good even before issues appear.
9. Importance of Adversity and Gratitude
- Adversity is not only inevitable but the foundation of strength, motivation, and perspective ([47:32]).
- Chris, an audience member who lost his wife to COVID and raised two boys alone, shares his journey—moving from pain to personal renaissance and entrepreneurial experimentation on Whatnot, with Gary celebrating his resilience ([43:27-52:27]).
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On Fear and Ownership:
"Fear is a fucking scary thing. Fear has completely won you over. That’s why politicians and parents, school chancellors and bosses weaponize fear—it’s the ultimate weapon, not love."
— Gary Vaynerchuk [03:23] -
On Losing vs. Being a Loser:
"You're not a loser; you're just losing. The best win is when you’re losing and the game's not over, because then you get the fucking joy of getting out of the loss."
— Gary Vaynerchuk [09:52, 10:05] -
On Parenting and Competition:
"You have a kid who cries when they lose and then wants to play again? You have a winner on your hands. Stop changing that."
— Gary Vaynerchuk [08:16] -
On Parental Coddling:
"A bunch of pusses. People stopped fighting, people stopped punishing. Parents stopped grounding. There were no ramifications… and now life’s got the ultimate consequences."
— Gary Vaynerchuk [05:03] -
On Emotional Intelligence and the Future Work Environment:
"The big winner from the AI era are going to be the people that understand emotional intelligence... Someone who manages AI tools and is the human keeping good culture is going to have a real era here."
— Gary Vaynerchuk [14:33] -
On Taking Accountability:
"How many of you put in a number, yet you have passed that number, and you continue to blame Mommy, Daddy, the system? Like, own it. Say ‘Me’—capital ME."
— Gary Vaynerchuk [20:34] -
On What Success Means:
"I think success is waking up somewhere between a 7 and a 10 this morning—thankful, unburdened by anxiety—not by grades or stuff."
— Gary Vaynerchuk [43:00] -
On Facing Adversity (with Chris’ Story):
"Adversity is the foundation of success and happiness. Chris, the reason you need to get out there is I’m convinced you just helped someone in this chat.”
— Gary Vaynerchuk [49:31] -
On Criticism and Haters:
"The easiest person to punk is a keyboard warrior. They're soft as shit... Real winners see you for the losing situation you're in."
— Gary Vaynerchuk [23:46-24:01]
Important Timestamps
- Intro and Show Start: [00:53]
- The Loser vs. Losing Mindset: [01:16], [09:52], [10:05]
- Fear as a Limiting Factor: [01:40], [03:23]
- Parenting, Coddling, and Competition: [07:27], [08:16], [09:03]
- Business Growth & Facebook Ads Advice: [12:17]
- Emotional Intelligence in the AI Era: [14:33]
- Defining Success, Gratitude, and Parental Influence: [18:20], [20:33-21:53], [38:20], [43:00]
- Discussion with Chris (Loss, Adversity, and Purpose): [43:27-52:27]
- Final Thoughts and Recap: [52:27-end]
In Gary’s Style—Key Takeaways
- Own your current situation; don’t blame parents, circumstances, or society.
- Embrace adversity—don’t avoid pain or loss.
- Fear is the real enemy and keeps people stuck; optimism and accountability are the answers.
- Kids (and adults) need to lose, fail, and try again—it’s how you build resilience.
- Don’t judge yourself on followers, money, or artificial success markers. True success is about waking up happy and grateful most days.
- In the age of AI, emotional intelligence and genuine leadership are more valuable than ever.
- Criticism often comes from those who are themselves stuck and hurting; winners don’t get shaken by haters.
- Have tough conversations in business and personal life, but focus on candor and empathy, not trying to change others.
Summary:
Gary Vee’s tough-love approach challenges listeners to stop blaming and start owning, while nurturing self-respect and optimism. He blends practical business advice with deep cultural and personal commentary, stressing the importance of resilience, gratitude, and emotional intelligence as the world—and the nature of work and success—continues to evolve. The episode is both a call-to-arms and a dose of empathy for anyone “currently losing” but ready to take their power back.