Zarna Garg: Proof It’s Never Too Late to Start Over (and Crush It) | and then add | GaryVee Audio Experience w/ Zarna Garg

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Proof It’s Never Too Late to Start Over (and Crush It)" featuring Zarna Garg on The GaryVee Audio Experience

Episode Details:

• Title: Zarna Garg: Proof It’s Never Too Late to Start Over (and Crush It) | GaryVee Audio Experience w/ Zarna Garg
• Host: Gary Vaynerchuk
• Guest: Zarna Garg
• Release Date: May 1, 2025

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Introduction

In this inspiring episode of The GaryVee Audio Experience, entrepreneur and motivational speaker Gary Vaynerchuk welcomes comedian Zarna Garg. Gary introduces Zarna as a talented comedian with a remarkable journey, highlighting her recent accomplishments and upcoming projects.

Gary (00:00): "This next guest is not only one of the true funny people in society, one of the great comedians currently touring... Her story is bananas. She's a true inspiration, my friend."

Zarna Garg’s Journey into Comedy

Zarna shares her unconventional path into the world of stand-up comedy. At 45 years old, after dedicating 16 years to being a stay-at-home mom, she decided to pursue her passion for humor, driven by encouragement from her children.

Zarna (05:55): "Yeah, I was struggling. I was trying to just get back to work. I was a stay at home mom for many, 16 years... And while I was trying to come back, I was a matchmaker for a hot minute."

Gary expresses astonishment at Zarna's rapid rise in the comedy scene, noting her transition from obscurity to opening for renowned comedians like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler within just five years.

Gary (01:21): "Do you know how insane that is? Five years ago... you've literally gone from obscurity to a meaningful touring comedian who has a new book and is crying because yesterday one of the big networks passed on your sitcom."

Overcoming Challenges and Resilience

The conversation delves into the setbacks Zarna faced, particularly the heartbreak of having her sitcom pilot pass on after a competitive bidding war. Despite the disappointment, Zarna maintains a positive outlook, attributing her resilience to her unwavering commitment and support system.

Zarna (01:56): "The pilot was in a four-way bidding war. Every network in America had bid to buy it... In the end, they were like, it's so good. There are no notes."

Gary empathizes with Zarna's feelings of disappointment but encourages her to view the setback as a learning experience.

Gary (02:36): "I know you don’t take it personally. But life had it that we were gonna sit across from each other. You're the king of resilience, Gary."

Building a Comedy Career Later in Life

Zarna emphasizes that it's never too late to start a new chapter, sharing her experiences of entering the comedy scene without prior exposure to it. Her unique perspective as an Indian immigrant and mother of three adds depth to her humor, resonating with diverse audiences.

Zarna (04:17): "I'm Zarna Garg. I'm a stand-up comic. I'm an Indian immigrant mom, mother of three kids and very notorious daughter-in-law... South Asian woman making mother-in-law jokes because my people don’t understand."

Gary highlights the significance of Zarna's achievements, especially given the competitive nature of stand-up comedy.

Gary (07:14): "You have to understand, this is all selfish for me... How absurd that is? You're like, fuck it, I'm gonna open for Tina Fey and Amy Poehler in four years. What?"

Personal Growth and Future Endeavors

Zarna discusses her book, This American Woman, which chronicles her journey and serves as a motivational guide for others looking to reinvent themselves. She also touches on her ventures into screenwriting and content creation, showcasing her multifaceted talents.

Zarna (12:24): "This American Woman... my husband and kids write an essay about their viewpoint on my journey of watching their mom get out from under that life."

Gary passionately endorses the book, urging listeners to support Zarna's work.

Gary (12:10): "If you're a reader, I'm telling you. And you guys all know I don't read books... What I can tell you is I would bet my life that this is a remarkable book."

Navigating the Entertainment Industry

The dialogue shifts to the intricacies of the entertainment business, with Gary advising Zarna on strategies to build her own distribution channels rather than relying solely on traditional networks. He reassures her of her ability to succeed independently, drawing parallels to his own experiences.

Gary (21:09): "In a world like... you're still too fresh off the feeling as we sit here today. The reality is there were three other people bidding... You're not gonna build your own distribution for a sitcom."

Mental Resilience and Coping Mechanisms

Towards the end, Gary delves into the importance of mental resilience, discussing the dangers of dwelling on setbacks and the impact of overanalyzing emotions. He emphasizes the necessity of moving forward quickly to maintain productivity and mental health.

Gary (25:36): "I really believe that. So I try to cut that string fast and long before suicide, which is obviously an extreme outcome. There's depression. Before there's depression, there's over analyzing."

Zarna acknowledges these insights, recognizing the value in Gary's advice as she continues to navigate her career and personal challenges.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

The episode wraps up with Zarna promoting her book and upcoming projects, including her audiobook and a movie currently playing on Hulu. Gary reiterates his support, encouraging listeners to engage with Zarna’s work and celebrate her achievements.

Zarna (30:05): "This American Woman... I have a movie that's playing. My first ever movie, a nice Indian boy that shattered every indie movie record out there."

Gary (30:11): "So everyone, what’s the name of the book? This American Woman... You need to buy it."

Key Takeaways

• It's Never Too Late: Zarna's journey exemplifies that starting over and achieving significant milestones is possible at any stage of life.
• Resilience is Crucial: Overcoming setbacks with a positive mindset is essential for long-term success.
• Embrace Your Unique Story: Leveraging personal experiences and cultural background can create a distinctive and relatable narrative.
• Mental Health Matters: Addressing and managing emotional challenges promptly is vital for personal and professional growth.

Notable Quotes

• Gary on Resilience:

  "The path to suicide starts with crying about dumb shit." (25:48)

• Zarna on Starting Late:

  "You're gonna laugh, you'll cry, and you will believe." (17:57)

• Gary on Mental Strength:

  "Imposter syndrome doesn't exist. It's called insecurity." (26:17)

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Connect with Zarna Garg:

• Book: This American Woman – Available on Amazon
• Audiobook: Includes bonus content with essays from her family
• Social Media: Search for Zarnagarg across various platforms
• Upcoming Projects: New comedy specials on Amazon and Hulu, and her first movie debuting on Hulu

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This episode serves as a powerful reminder that personal reinvention is achievable with dedication, resilience, and the support of a strong community. Zarna Garg's story is a testament to the human spirit's capacity to overcome and thrive, inspiring listeners to pursue their passions regardless of the obstacles.

Transcript

[A]

This next guest is not only one of the true funny people in society, one of the great comedians currently touring. We have a book that we're about to have. Everyone's gonna buy a bunch. The reason I want her here is. Cause her story is bananas. Her story is bananas. She's a true inspiration, my friend. How are you?

[B]

I'm okay. I think destiny brought me here today. We were booked to come here, but I got the call yesterday that they're passing and all the press that goes out when they pass on something that big and you know, in another world, when I didn't know you, I would probably be scrolling your videos to remind myself that it's okay. You have to take hits and keep coming back because that's the business.

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

But life had it that we were gonna sit across from each other. You're the king of resilience, Gary. And for years I've leaned on you for support and like, thank you for having me.

[A]

I love you, sister. Listen to me, this is really like. Honestly, do you know how blessed you are to be able to be disappoint about this? I know. I mean, there's literally over the next decade, millions of people that will listen to this. Of the long tail of podcasts who would die to even be in a position that they were in striking distance of selling a sitcom to a major network. It is a remarkable accomplishment from where you started. When did you start doing comedy?

[B]

Five years ago.

[A]

Fucking. Do you know how insane that is? 5 years ago People were like picking their butt at Covid on the couch at this time and have not done anything since. And in that window, you've literally gone from obscurity to a meaningful touring comedian who has a new book and is crying because yesterday one of the big networks passed on your sitcom. Which must mean, cuz I know you a little bit. Cause we're friendly, that it was close. You wouldn't be acting this way. It must have been almost kind of. I don't know the details, but the.

[B]

Pilot was in a four way bidding war. Every network in America had bid to buy it. And we went with these guys because they really wanted it. They really wanted it. They told us they wanted it and.

[A]

Then, you know, they pulled the rug.

[B]

Out and we made a pilot that in the end they were like, it's so good. There are no notes.

[A]

Is the. Is. Is the pilot softly based on you and the fam in space?

[B]

Yeah, much on my. Me and my fam. Yeah. And it's like. And they knew and it's fine. I have nothing against the network. People make the business decision. It's business.

[A]

It's business.

[B]

I don't take it personally.

[A]

I know you don't.

[B]

You have to learn not to. You have because you do. In the beginning.

[A]

Now I know why you're crying. You got caught and it felt done. Yes. Yeah, I got it.

[B]

Exactly. There's nothing like, honestly, you're disappointed in me.

[A]

I got it now.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

I got it now. Because honestly, I'm like, like, come on, we got like now. I get it. By the way. It's. Do you. I'm gonna tell. I mean, this is ludicrous. But this is for my audience right now. What is happening here is why in the history of the last 20 years of New York jets football, until the clock goes 000, the jets could be winning 24 nothing with nine seconds left. And I will not celebrate because when you celebrate before it's over, you are in deep shit for what's happening right now. You allowed yourself to go there because obviously everything that led up to it made you believe it was 101% and it was 99. Yeah.

[B]

It's a rookie mistake. And I'm upset at myself. I have nothing network. It's all, you know, the legal contract said they have the option to not pick it up.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

So they've done nothing wrong. It's me. It's me being like, am I just. Do I not get it? If the paper was not signed and sealed, what was I thinking?

[A]

You know, look, you were. Listen, I mean, fuck, man. Like it's, you know, again, if it sounds like it makes sense, George Lopez, Roseanne Barr, like, like if you're like really doing that show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you listen, you're confident right now. You've been red hot. You're super. Actually, let's introduce yourself. I know we're like fully in it. I know people can read.

[B]

I don't even know what I'm talking about. I don't even know.

[A]

We have tissues. Oh, my God. I'm proud of us.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Why don't you tell everybody who you are and what you do.

[B]

I'm Zarna Garg. I'm a stand up comic. I'm an Indian immigrant mom, mother of three kids and very notorious daughter in law.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because I make mother in law jokes and I am one of one in this world. South Asian woman making mother in law jokes because my people don't understand. You can do that for fun.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And not be personally like skewering real people in Real life. So it's an education for my people, but that's what I do. I'm also an award winning screenwriter. I'm a content creator. I have a whole content business of my own. And. Yeah. And currently I'm now doing my second year of touring with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. I just signed on to do this year as well.

[A]

Good.

[B]

I open for them on the road.

[A]

You crush. I saw it.

[B]

And I have a book out, my journey of how I became a comedian. How I actually came to America. This is the book about how I came to America. I'm a happy immigrant, so I wrote a happy immigrant story. Even though there's a lot of ups.

[A]

And downs, I know it's not cordial to ask a woman her age, but I think it's incredibly important because I really view you. This is why we're close. Because I'm. You know me. Yeah, you know me. You guys know me. I keep my circle tight. Yeah, I'm for everyone, but in real life, I'm for almost no one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think you're a real fucking inspiration.

[B]

I try.

[A]

No, no, no. You did. You try to be. I think you try to be one of the great comics of all time. That's another reason I admire you. I think that's what you try. I think you are inspiration. Here's why you started comedy how many years ago?

[B]

Five years ago.

[A]

And that's because your kids.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Were really like, mom, you really are fucking funny like that.

[B]

Yeah, I was struggling. I was trying to just get back to work. I was a stay at home mom for many. 16 years and 16 years of being home with them, I realized I'm not into them. That life was not like it was killing me. Slowly, of course, just not doing anything of my own. Not making my own money. And I've tried and failed at almost 15, 16 businesses. But while I was trying to come back, I was a matchmaker for a hot minute. Oh, so bad. That's a worst decision.

[A]

Like an Indian matchmaker.

[B]

Like an Indian matchmaker. But here in New York, it was so bad. It was the worst business ever doing.

[A]

Were you worse at picking the women or the men?

[B]

Well, you're always picking the. The only people who pay matchmakers are women.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's the whole. And the whole business is telling women it's not too late. Well, actually, it's too late.

[A]

Well, but, but, but it's not too late. It's not too late.

[B]

No. In the marriage context, you don't. People come with whatever, like you'll have like a 50 year old woman who's like, I need this and this. And he must be a surgeon who's also won a Nobel Prize. And you're sitting there because you're getting paid and you're like, you're 50. Yeah, exactly. This is what I'm saying, you know.

[A]

But I'm sure you said that.

[B]

I did, and that's why the business didn't last.

[A]

So listen, how old were you when you started stand up?

[B]

45.

[A]

This?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You have to understand, this is all selfish for me.

[B]

Yeah. No, I get it.

[A]

You are the fucking human being that. Here's why. 16 year stay at home mom, immigrant, 45 years old. What's the most left field? I'm trying to just get people to post on Instagram and sell on whatnot. You're like, fuck it, I'm gonna open for Tina Fey and Amy Poehler in four years. What?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you know how absurd that is?

[B]

And you know what's more absurd? I actually do that for fun because I sell out my own shows. I sell out 2000 seaters myself, but I want to be in their matrix.

[A]

As you should. And you're no fucking idiot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, you also are aware that in these huge theaters, they're all coming to see them. And I view you like Kendrick Lamar a long time ago said, the reason I go on other albums is I'm gonna steal their fans. Yeah, I think it was him. It might have been somebody else, but I recall it was him. Or somebody said that about him at the time. I remember that show. And I. I mean, Tina and Amy are fucking geniuses. This is one. I'm a human being. I'm allowed to have my own subjective enjoyment of humor. I'm also an immigrant, so this probably resonates because of that. I also grew up in Edison, New Jersey. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I'm half Indian.

[B]

That's the world capital of India.

[A]

I am pretty half Indian at this point. And it was 1986 when they were all just starting to come, and I was the only immigrant in Edison, New Jersey, so I had to, like, be their ambassador. You. I was. Because I was rooting like, you were stealing fans at the show I was at. I watched it. So you're no bozo. I know you're doing it for fun, but you're also building your base. Yeah, you are. Truly. Truly. Because of how insanely hard standup is, how left field it is. You are truly one of the great examples of my entire thesis of life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know what else to say.

[B]

And, I mean, I hope that people watch and hear my story and know that they can do it. You know, the truth is, I didn't know I was late at anything. I was so busy doing my thing, being a mom. And, you know, I realized that I was late at a morning news show. I was doing an interview with Gayle King for something, and she said, you know, you came to comedy late in life. And I was like, I did. Because I'm all about doing what's in front of me. I'm not thinking before, I'm not thinking after. I'm fully committed in that moment, and what happens happens.

[A]

Did you consume comedy?

[B]

Never. Never stepped foot in a comedy club to a watch. I didn't know what that was. I'm Indian. We don't do fun.

[A]

I get it. I get it. Yeah.

[B]

We don't go out like, let's go.

[A]

You spend all your time yelling at your kids for being engineers and fucking doctors.

[B]

Yeah. Like, I would do an ESS SAT prep class.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm not.

[A]

That's what fun was for you.

[B]

We were drinking.

[A]

I know.

[B]

That's not our culture. So I never. I went in for the first time because my kids were like, you should try it. And I was like, that's not a job. But just to shut down.

[A]

You were that funny to your kids?

[B]

Yeah, because they. All. Them and their friends would hang out at our house. I used to do funny speeches at weddings, Indian weddings and schools. They would just give me a mic and, like, you say something.

[A]

You would just go, yeah.

[B]

And I would just start writing 25 minutes later. That's how it started. Yeah.

[A]

So, by the way, do you know that's how my public speaking career started? I'm sure I never knew that was a thing. I just did shit at, like, it was a birthday, and I would just. They'd be like, gary, say something. And like, 20 minutes later, I'm like. And then Johnny.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Maybe you have a career in stand up.

[A]

Oh, I've always thought. I feel like it's. I think it's a different. I'll tell you what I have a career in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think stand up actually is more like school that. I don't think I could do standup well. I think I could open mic well, occasionally. Because what I could really do is host snl. I can do improv. I can improv my fucking face off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I could if you told me to go on stage right now in front of all 8 billion people. Cause that's how technology now worked. And like, here's the premise. I've never taken an improv class. I don't know if I've ever watched any of the Second City stuff, but I know it's in me. Every time SNL's on, I just walk by the TV and I'm like, I can do that shit. I can fucking do that shit. But when I look at Stand Up, I do not think I can do that shit. Cause it's a different game. It's why I don't think I can do a sitcom, by the way. I just can. Let me fly and be free. It's over. Give me some level of any structure and I fucking melt. Because I'm like, fuck that shit. You can do that. You can do all those things.

[B]

And I love it. I love it. I love the academic part of it. I screenplay. I'm a self taught screenplay writer on YouTube. Learn for free. And I ended up beating number one.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

You're beating 11,000 scripts because I love it. I pulled my whole heart into learning how to write it technically.

[A]

Is the book out or is it coming out Tuesday? Tuesday, yeah. So everybody, what's the name of the book?

[B]

This American Woman?

[A]

All right, everybody, listen. A, if you're a reader, I'm telling you. And you guys all know I don't read books. I have no fucking idea what's in this book. I'll never read this book. What I can tell you, what I can tell you from the bottom of my heart is I would bet my life that this is a remarkable book. I just know this woman. I know her. So, A, if you just read. Cause you're weird like that, aka you're like 90% of the world, you should buy it. B, for the other 10% that aren't like that, you need to buy two copies just to like support her. She needs to feel good next Tuesday. And it would mean a lot to me if you did that. I don't know if we're gonna put this out on Tuesday. We'll probably put out a little earlier. I think book publishers always have it wrong. They're like, wait for the day. Wait for the day. I'm like, fucking stack the sales. Stack the fucking sales. And by the way, Millie, can you just read? I just need. Mike, you need to listen to this. Listen to endorsed, don't give the endorsement. Name the humans that endorse the back of the book. This is fucking ludicrous. Go.

[B]

Estina Fey, Amy Poehler, Mindy Kaling, Kevin Hart, Padma. Lakshmi. Lilly. Singh. We had to decline endorsements, of course, because there was no. There's no space.

[A]

I'll be honest with you. I triple checked my email and text. The fact that I wasn't asked for an endorsement because, oh, by the way, I've sold more books than every person on the back there combined. On the record. On the record.

[B]

Facts.

[A]

I'm offended.

[B]

Yeah, well, there's another book coming, and I'm gonna take you up on it.

[A]

Nope. I'm no second fiddle, girl. You're out.

[B]

It's too late.

[A]

All right, let's go into.

[B]

Can I just.

[A]

The floor is yours.

[B]

So for those who don't read, there is an audiobook that is.

[A]

Did you read it?

[B]

Yes, my. Of course, yes. And there is bonus content and what it is you will appreciate. I made my husband and kids write an essay about their viewpoint on my journey of watching their mom get out from under that life.

[A]

So self.

[B]

And my husband.

[A]

I love you, of course.

[B]

And my husband's essay is. Is shattering. It's a shattering look at married couple life because he lost his job just as my career took off.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And yeah, during COVID that I didn't know 22 years of working on Wall street, he lost his job, and I had to step in and not just be a comic, but build a comedy business overnight because New York City, as we know, is expensive money. All the money you have saved is gonna blow like a box of donuts. It's gone in a day. And he, in his essay, talks about what it means and what it meant to him to have a life partner who, you know, that's huge. My journey. That's part of the audible experience because the mother did.

[A]

The mother in law read an essay.

[B]

My mother in law has hired an agent because she thinks she deserves a cut from every book sales.

[A]

Right. Because you're joking. By the way, my father says the same shit. He's a big Christian.

[B]

Yeah, he's a big fan. Yes, yes, yes.

[A]

You know that. My father's like, hey, real quick, I feel like you talk a lot about me. Do I get money for that? I'm like, no, dad, you don't get money. In fact, you owe me money.

[B]

Well, you started his wine library.

[A]

Yeah, he started. Yes. It changed to wine library with me. I built a huge business for my dad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, you know, immigrant stuff is so cool. The older I get, the more I'm grateful. The more the luck of the draw gave me that journey. Because I love my American friends to death. They don't have the same luxury. They fully take being born in America for granted. They can't help it. It's not their fault.

[B]

Yeah, it's not their fault.

[A]

And they have different family dynamics. Immigrants have different family dynamics. It is. When I tell you I love America, I fucking love America, you should see me. Cause I travel the world, you know, everyone wants to shit on America, no matter who the fucking president is. Yeah, of course. Last 15 years, shit, shit, shit. I fucking come guns a blazing. I fucking shattered. These 30 people in the UK a couple weeks ago from all over the world, they just shat on America for about 20 minutes. And then I just stayed quiet, which is impossible for me. But I was setting up my killer move.

[B]

There's a Nobel Peace Prize there.

[A]

You have no idea what I did to them. I just systematically destroyed them. And it's true. Cuz America, for all its shortcomings, life is about comparison. Like, you know, like, you know, the Canadian dudes like, da, da, da. I'm like, why the fuck does everyone come to America for their surgeries that have money if it's so fucking great? Like so nonetheless. But for all the greatness that Americans and America has, they do not have the family structure in the culture the same way. And it is the great blessing that immigrants have because fuck, man. When all else fails, having a family unit, a sister, a nephew, a brother, a mom, a dad, whatever you have when you have immigrant family, shit, it's different. Yeah, it's fucking different. Yeah, I wish, I wish it on all of them.

[B]

I do. And I mean, I actually put them to work. Hashtag believe in child labor.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All my kids out there working, I'm.

[A]

The byproduct of child labor. I am the child.

[B]

But do you not think you benefited from it?

[A]

Of course I benefit from it.

[B]

Would you not be who you are?

[A]

Of course not.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

I mean, if I had all my high school days just hanging around by the pool, I'd not be who I am.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Now I think I took it too far and like, you know.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. Didn't take it too far. It's all good. It's all good. There's no such thing.

[A]

What do you want people to know about the book?

[B]

I want people to know that even though this is my life story, it's designed to help them kickstart their life story.

[A]

Explain.

[B]

I. I wrote the book. So anybody who feels stuck, like they want to do something, they think it's too late. They think they're too.

[A]

Whether immigrant or not immigrant or not.

[B]

Woman or not. Minority. Or not. Whatever your story is, you're going to. By the time you're done with this book, you'll laugh, you'll cry, and you will believe.

[A]

How much will we laugh? Is it funny?

[B]

It's me. Yes, of course. Absolutely. I mean, death will be funny in this book. Because in addition to all that I do, I also do comedy shows at funerals. For real. Because there are people. Yes.

[A]

No, no, Please.

[B]

No. Yes.

[A]

No, I believe you. Which is why I'm asking you to expand.

[B]

Yeah. Because sometimes people pass, have gone to.

[A]

Funerals and done sets.

[B]

Yes. Because they have believed that the person who passed would not want people crying at their event.

[A]

How many of these have you done?

[B]

I've done like five or six. And I started during COVID on Zoom Zoom funeral.

[A]

Yeah. That was tough.

[B]

It was so tough. And I remember a circumstance where a father died in New York. The mother was stuck in India, the kids were stuck. You know, airplanes had shut down, and the mother called me and said, you know what? He would not want us all crying. And I remember thinking, you knew her. She was a friend of a friend. And she reached out.

[A]

Indian life.

[B]

Indian life.

[A]

Of course. You know every Indian. How many are there? Three billion. And you know them all.

[B]

We're all related.

[A]

Exactly. By the way, speaking of that, do you know what the funniest thing about 80s immigrant life was? Because I grew up. 80s immigrant life. Do you know that when I was growing up, when someone found out that I was Russian.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That they would be like, oh, do you know my plumber, Boris Zubov? I'm like, yes, I know every Russian person in the world. Like, that was always a funny thing to me. That. Nonetheless. Okay. Five. Five. Wow.

[B]

Yeah. And I do even more. Like, we live in New York. Memorial Sloan Kettering. I get hired to go to their relatives. A lot of people. You talked about people coming for surgeries here. So many people come here for cancer treatment. But it's very expensive, of course. So a person who's getting treated is often here alone.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I get desperate calls from people all over the world saying, can you go and hold my relative's hand?

[A]

That's nice.

[B]

Tell some jokes. They can't leave. They're in very complicated life. Yes. The point is, life is complicated. And I know how to make it fun. All of it, and including the journey.

[A]

How long are you going to dwell about this network?

[B]

Oh, I know. Maybe I'll go shopping.

[A]

No, but really, really, really. What do you think? What's your Gut.

[B]

Right this second, I'll tell you that I learned my lesson.

[A]

You found out when? Yesterday.

[B]

Yesterday.

[A]

You posted right away.

[B]

I posted within minutes because that helped you. Yeah. And.

[A]

Oh, and you were already telling your audience it was happening. Yeah.

[B]

So.

[A]

So you really went there.

[B]

And I have an honest relationship with my audience.

[A]

That's why we love you. I know.

[B]

We do the same thing.

[A]

Yeah. That's why it works.

[B]

I won. I won. Like, when you lose, you lose. And it's here. You know, they're going to read about it in every Deadline article, hear it from me, what I have to say. So I. I'm over the anger of it. I'm over the sadness of it. And I have come to the conclusion, which you already know. I don't need to tell you. I am going to build my own distribution. I am. Why am I wasting my time?

[A]

Well, there's two things you. I would argue. You know what's funny? I would actually argue the counter, believe it or not.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

In a world like don't forget, like, the Seinfeld Chronicles was canceled.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I would argue that you're still too fresh off the feeling as we sit here today. The reality is there was three other people bidding. The reality is there's four to five other places it could go. The reality is you're not gonna build your own distribution for a sitcom.

[B]

No, I'm gonna build my own distribution for my storage.

[A]

Yeah, you're doing that anyway.

[B]

Yeah, I just.

[A]

You're doing that anyway. But, yeah, if you. If you're this upset, you want to do this sitcom.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think you're right, by the way.

[B]

I was good at it. I was so good at it, by the way.

[A]

By the way. I know that. And by the way, you're also. Again, I'm saying it for a second time. You're no dummy. You know that. If you're good at it. And it's good that that's good. You know that. I just think you need to sell it to number two, three, or four or one of the other streaming services or other people that did not build bid. Like, it's not over.

[B]

No, not. Yeah, it's not over.

[A]

I mean, what was that? John Wick? That shit was dead, dead, dead. And then what? Even Liguoria, I think, found the 8 million bucks at the last. Something weird. I don't remember the exact story. Like, shit's dead. Not Aaron Brach, Forrest Gump. Forrest Gump was sitting in a fucking pile. And someone's like, eh. Like, what are you Fucking talking about. You had four bidders. You picked the wrong one. Call the other three back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You are a bad matchmaker.

[B]

I am.

[A]

Because the reality is, it's like, if a matchmaker. If I was a matchmaker, be like, wait a minute. Don't worry. Call the other boy that wanted to marry you.

[B]

Is that in your career plan now, Gary? Maybe. Listen, there's a lot of people looking for.

[A]

I'm telling you right now. I've thought about this a lot. If I decided to get into dating advice. Yeah. I think I could crush. Predominantly, I would focus on insecurity, which is 99% of the market. It's really scary how much it's poison and how much dating is like. Business is like life. It's all the same shit. And by the way, there are people who are gangsters in business, insecure in relationships. Gangsters in relationships, insecure in business. Like, everybody has their own lanes where we're like, gangsters in something and scared in something else.

[B]

Of course. Yeah.

[A]

Like, I'm really not scared, but heights. Fuck that shit.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah. I don't like it. No, no, I know I'm good like that. And you know my apartment, like, I'm good like that. But like a roller coaster. Like, snakes fuck with me. I don't like snakes as much as I thought I did. Like, every time I'm near, like, a real one, I'm like. And they're behind shit in the wild. I fucking.

[B]

Shit.

[A]

Some people are just not scared of snakes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not happy with where you're at mentally on this thing. You need to go right back and just sell it to the next person.

[B]

Yeah, we'll see. It's all ongoing and we're definitely trying, but. But I want to build my own thing. I. I hated the idea.

[A]

You did build.

[B]

But this is continuing to build. Yeah.

[A]

You did build your own thing. How the fuck do you think you got here? Social mattered for you.

[B]

Yeah. And it does. It's front and center.

[A]

Correct. It's. And.

[B]

Yeah. And.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Don't fucking. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Emotional decisions are always bad business.

[B]

I know. Why am I such a rookie? How am I building this business? Not remembering the basics? Gary, easy.

[A]

You're. You like me. Like, everyone. No matter how good you are, all of us are allowed and should give ourselves the grace to be a human because we're human.

[B]

But you don't seem to make mistakes.

[A]

I make mistakes. I make mistakes. My superpower is my dwelling. Is so quick. I've had ple. I've disappointed myself. Cause that's why you're upset. I've disappointed myself. The speed in which I go from, fuck, I'm pissed. This is devastating to this doesn't mean shit is fucking fast. Resilient. You know, that's why I always am weirded out by cats. Like, cats. Yeah. You know how cats do the thing? I do that with myself. I go into this cocoon and I just soothe it out fast. Because really, it's almost based on practicality. Dwelling is so not productive.

[B]

Yeah. You can't go nowhere.

[A]

Like zero. And if you don't cut it, dwelling can get very dark. The path to suicide starts with crying about dumb shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The path to suicide starts with the seed of crying about something stupid. And so I really believe that. So I try to cut that string fast and long before suicide, which is obviously an extreme outcome. There's depression. Before there's depression, there's over analyzing this word anxiety. I hate this fucking word.

[B]

Yeah. This word. Yeah. So overused right now.

[A]

People have completely. Ugh. I hate these new words. You know another word I hate? Imposter syndrome. Friends, imposter syndrome doesn't exist. It's called insecurity.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

You want to put makeup on your insecurity and use some new terminology to make it socially acceptable. It's fucking insecurity.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we've weaponized this word anxiety for what is an actuality, for the last hundred years of humanity. And I can't go further with what my own research, which is temporary inconvenience, a momentary struggle even. Let me give you more grace. Sustained lack of enjoyment in something. But we fucking have like over fucking analyzed everything.

[B]

That's what we do. But. But the good news, you almost sold.

[A]

A fucking sitcom five minutes ago. You were sitting worried about when your son was gonna walk in from school today.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

We're not allowed to cry about this.

[B]

You're right. I do need to hear that. But the good news is I am not feeling suicidal at all. I know that I'm actually feeling more like, who can I kill?

[A]

Yes, I understand.

[B]

But that's also.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Yes, that also. And I don't plan it.

[A]

But when I said no, no. The reason.

[B]

You know whose face is.

[A]

I know what's happening. Not your mother in law. The reason you're crying is because I know you. You're a gangster. When you started the path of who can I kill? Something bad happened. It was you.

[B]

It was me.

[A]

It was you.

[B]

Oh, I was so.

[A]

It's always the worst. It's. The only time I'm actually upset is when I'm upset with myself. I know. Never am upset when someone else is doing dumb shit or trying to fuck with me. I understand it. The only time in life that I'm actually sad is when I'm disappointed myself.

[B]

Yeah. I feel so stupid. You know what I feel like? I feel like those guys who go to strip clubs and the strippers convincing them that she's in love with them.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And you believe it?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But she's doing it every five minutes. I feel like I was that idiot.

[A]

Well, that's because diamond is very convincing. Yes. No, that's right. But you know what else? Look, it's. Let's really analyze what really happened here. Let's actually use our time that's remaining here on something very important, which is who used the evil eye on you? Cause, you know, it's the evil eye that got you. No, no, this is. Let's get to the real. Let's get to the crux of Indian culture. Who evil eyed you? Because, you know, this was locked in someone evil idea.

[B]

Yes. Somebody. Somebody. Who was it?

[A]

That's. That's actually. Let's get to the punchline.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The immigrants just all stood up again. Immigrant Americans are confused. But immigrants, I got you here at the end. Who the fuck evil eyed you?

[B]

I mean, crazily enough. And I'm going to mention her for the third time in this not. It is.

[A]

No, I'll tell you why. She was evil eyeing you five years ago and you had this all happen. It's not her. It's actually, I think it's Tina Fey.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yes, I do. No, I think Tina. I think it's Tina. No, I. No, I'm telling you, it's somebody on the back of this cover. Somebody on this. I'm telling. You know, it's always, you know, the evil eye always comes from where you least expect it.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

That is true.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

That's why it gets you.

[A]

That's correct.

[B]

Yeah. Wow. Oh, my God. Not Tina. Now what? I'm gonna do a sitcom with her probably.

[A]

All right, let's get to the. Let's wrap this up. Couple things, everybody. You gotta get the book one more time. Where do they go on Amazon to get the book? What's the name of.

[B]

I'm sorry, the name this American Woman.

[A]

Next. Your specials are incredible. Where can they find them?

[B]

I have one on Amazon. One in a billion and a second One dropping in July. Bunch of people win. Coming on Hulu.

[A]

Hulu.

[B]

I knew that.

[A]

Okay, that's not how. Yeah, got it. So those two. July. Hulu. Right. Amazon for the other one.

[B]

Yeah. I have a movie that's playing. My first ever movie, a nice Indian boy that shattered every indie movie record out there. It's an. It's. I play the mother of a gay son, Indian boy, who's in love with a white boy. Love. But my son is a doctor.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So that's a good thing.

[A]

Thank God.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

I told him I needed that.

[B]

Every problem.

[A]

And what about on Social? Where do people find you at Zarnagarg?

[B]

Everywhere.

[A]

Spell that out for everyone.

[B]

Z, A, R, N, A, G, A, R, G. So.

[A]

I love you.

[B]

Thank you. Oh, my God.

[A]

Everything's fine.

[B]

I don't use the L word, but thank you.

[A]

Everything's fine.

[B]

Yeah. It's gonna be okay.

[A]

Honestly, you need this chip on your shoulder. It's been going too well.

[B]

I know. Honestly, I was definitely due for it.

[A]

Yeah, you needed a little humble shot in the ass. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you're so chippy. Do you understand this is actually, genuinely actually gonna make you more successful? You do know that, right?

[B]

I mean, I intellectually know that my heart's not there right now.

[A]

Well, it's only 24 hours. Yeah, but you only have another 24 hours or I'm gonna start making fun of you publicly. All right?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. Good. Love you.

[B]

Thank you.