The Girlfriends: Spotlight, E14: Visaka Sparks a Ceasefire

Summary

The Girlfriends: Spotlight

Episode 14: Visaka Sparks a Ceasefire
Release Date: February 16, 2026
Host: Anna Sinfield
Featured Guest: Visaka Dharmadasa

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Episode Overview

This episode tells the extraordinary true story of Visaka Dharmadasa, a Sri Lankan mother who, in the face of unimaginable personal loss, crossed enemy lines during the country’s decades-long civil war to meet with the notorious Tamil Tigers. Her bold, compassionate actions laid the groundwork for peace talks that would eventually halt one of the world’s most brutal conflicts. Through firsthand interviews and narration, the episode explores themes of maternal courage, grassroots activism, inclusive peace-building, and the transformative power of human connection—even with those seen as enemies.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: War and Personal Loss

• The episode opens with atmospheric storytelling: Visaka and six other mothers, at dawn, prepare to cross into Tamil Tiger territory, risking their lives to seek answers about their missing sons ([02:46]-[05:24]).
• Visaka Dharmadasa (03:03):
  “We’re sitting on what you call a makeshift bed of a military officer. It was all sticks tied together.”
• The Sri Lankan civil war is contextualized as a highly violent ethnic conflict between the Sinhalese-majority government and the minority Tamil Tigers (LTTE), marked by bombings, assassinations, and mass displacement ([06:08]).

2. The Personal Becomes Political

• Visaka’s two eldest sons joined the military, which brought the distant-seeming war uncomfortably close to home ([07:47]-[08:19]).
• When her son Achinta goes missing in battle, Visaka is thrust into relentless grief and bureaucratic entanglement, struggling to get information about his fate ([09:40]-[11:46]).
• Visaka Dharmadasa (09:47):
  “The day that I say the war was at my doorstep.”

3. Founding Activism Amid Grief

• After months of stonewalling from the Red Cross and the military, Visaka rallies other families of missing soldiers, organizing a powerful religious ceremony and launching an informal support network ([13:41]-[15:26]).
• The mothers stage symbolic acts—floating flower offerings and releasing balloons with their children’s names—as calls for peace ([15:12]-[16:04]).

4. Crossing Enemy Lines: The Mothers Meet the Tigers

• Deciding institutional routes are dead ends, Visaka seeks direct contact, securing reluctant government permission to cross into rebel-controlled territory ([21:13]-[22:17]).
• With church support, the mothers enter the jungle and meet Colonel Karuna (LTTE second-in-command)—a meeting that is tense, yet unexpectedly humanized by Visaka’s empathy and humor ([04:53]-[05:28]).
  • Visaka Dharmadasa (05:15):
    “We came to see your claws and your teeth, because everybody says you all are Tigers.”
  • This joke breaks the ice, and mothers and militants share banned sweets, shifting the tone from confrontation to connection ([05:40]-[06:08]).
• The conversations are candid and vulnerable on both sides; both parties acknowledge their pain and losses from the war ([24:34]-[25:27]).

5. “We Came to Speak to You as Mothers”

• The mothers’ appeal is not political, but deeply human, person-to-person ([05:52]-[06:08]).
  • Visaka Dharmadasa (06:08):
    “We came to speak to you as mothers.”
• The visit doesn’t yield immediate answers about the missing, but it opens a new channel for peace discussions.
• As a parting gesture, Visaka hands over a green file outlining their plea for ceasefire and peace with justice ([25:50]-[26:16]).

6. Catalyzing Ceasefire and Women’s Inclusion

• The mothers’ daring journey becomes a watershed moment—earning Visaka national recognition and triggering the first direct negotiations between the government and the Tigers ([30:06]-[30:45]).
• Visaka recognizes women’s exclusion from formal peace talks and launches a petition, collecting 60,000 signatures from both Sinhalese and Tamil communities—a unifying, logistically daunting feat ([31:45]-[32:07]).
• Visaka Dharmadasa (31:16):
  “What is happening? Where are the women? We want to work with women. Across the divide, we went.”

7. A Turning Point: The Press Conference and Ceasefire

• The LTTE invites Visaka back for a press conference—a day-and-a-half wait to announce the release of prisoners and, most importantly, a ceasefire ([33:32]-[35:25]).
• On February 22, 2002, Sri Lanka experiences its first peace in nearly two decades; highways reopen, families reunite, and the country glimpses hope ([36:12]-[36:22]).
  • Visaka Dharmadasa (36:12):
    “It was so nice because we could go, we could really cross by road… It was nice to meet others.”
• Visaka organizes meetups between mothers from both sides—fostering recognition of their shared suffering and creating the Association of War Affected Women ([37:33]).

8. Legacy and Lingering Grief

• Despite her achievements, Visaka has never learned her son’s fate. She describes her ongoing hope, symbolized by unused sandalwood soap left for Achinta ([38:40]).
• Visaka Dharmadasa (38:40):
  “Even like today… nearly 27 years, I’m still waiting for him. The urge to know… that’s very, very powerful.”
• Visaka’s activism continues internationally, connecting with other women from conflict zones and advocating for dialogue and peace ([39:01]-[39:44]).
• She describes friendships formed with former enemies, emphasizing that in war, there are “no winners, only loss” ([39:44]).
  • Visaka Dharmadasa (39:44):
    “Really, there is no personal animosities… We wanted everybody to live. That’s why war anywhere, for whatever reason, is not going to resolve anything.”

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Breaking Tension with Humor ([05:15]):
  “We came to see your claws and teeth, because everybody says you all are Tigers.” —Visaka Dharmadasa

• A Human Appeal ([06:08]):
  “We came to speak to you as mothers.” —Visaka Dharmadasa

• Channeling Grief into Action ([14:50]):
  “That’s the time that we also established this parents of servicemen missing in action. A very loose network… I told, definitely, let’s really go to the north to find sons and daughters.” —Visaka Dharmadasa

• Recognition and Responsibility ([30:20]):
  “That was something that exactly gave me a huge recognition within my country, within Colombo… I am very important in this whole journey of peace building.” —Visaka Dharmadasa

• On the Power of Shared Motherhood ([37:16]):
  “It was really good for them to… understand that it’s not only you, but also from the other side. They were sharing the photographs, you know, crying together… a lot of understanding.” —Visaka Dharmadasa

• On Still Waiting ([38:40]):
  “Even like today, though it’s… nearly 27 years, I’m still waiting for him… The urge to know… is very, very powerful.” —Visaka Dharmadasa

• On Reconciliation ([39:44]):
  “Frankly, there is no personal animosities… We wanted everybody to live. That’s why war anywhere… is not going to resolve anything or, you know, nobody will win in a war.” —Visaka Dharmadasa

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:46]: Introduction—Mothers prepare to cross enemy lines
• [07:47]: Visaka describes pre-war mentality in central Sri Lanka
• [09:47]: Achinta goes missing; the personal impact of war
• [14:50]: Formation of support networks and ceremonial activism
• [21:13]: Gaining government permission to cross into Tiger territory
• [22:46]-[25:27]: The first meeting with the Tigers; unexpected connections
• [30:06]: Impact of the mothers' journey—kickstarting dialogue
• [31:45]: Petition to include women in peace talks
• [35:10]: The press conference and the announcement of ceasefire
• [36:12]: First days of peace following the ceasefire
• [37:16]: Meet-up between northern and southern mothers
• [38:40]: Visaka’s continued hope and activism
• [39:44]: Reflections on reconciliation and the futility of war

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Conclusion

“Visaka Sparks a Ceasefire” is a testament to the power of ordinary people—particularly women and mothers—to effect extraordinary change in the face of loss, violence, and bureaucracy. Visaka Dharmadasa’s story blends heartbreak, courage, and enduring hope. Her actions catalyzed the first ceasefire in a generation, fostered cross-community healing, and advanced the role of women in peace negotiations, both in Sri Lanka and globally.

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For more stories of women changing the world, listen to other episodes of The Girlfriends: Spotlight.

Transcript

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[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Novel. It's just before dawn on the front lines of Sri Lanka's brutal civil war. Visakha huddles in a military bunker with six other mothers.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

We're sitting on what you call a makeshift bed of a military officer. It was all sticks tied together.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

They're waiting for first light.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

The military told don't go now because any mistaken they are going to shoot. Wait till you can see.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Visakha is about to do something most people think is absolutely insane. Walk across enemy lines to meet the Tamil Tigers. They're the designated terrorist organization behind suicide bombings, kidnappings and assassinations across the country.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

At that time it was one of the most brutalist wars in the world. They bombed Colombo, they bombed the central bank, they bombed, you know, several places in Colombo.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Early the next morning, Vassaka and the six other women climb into their car and drive deep into the jungle of northeastern Sri Lanka. Right into enemy territory.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

When we crossed to the other side, vehicle was welcomed by youngsters in civil clothes but T56 guns on their back.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

The seven women and their driver are escorted to a church.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

The bishop have told very clearly nobody could come with guns like 2km around. We were taken to a big church compound there and given breakfast.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

The room is brimming with tension.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

There was one chair in the room and all others were mats.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Then Colonel Karuna Rahman arrives. He's set to be the second in command of the Tamil Tigers. He's notorious for his allegedly ruthless tactics.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

We were sitting in the mat and we told him to sit down on the chair. He said no, no, no. When you all are sitting on the ground, I'll sit on the ground face.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

To face with a man accused of being a leader of one of the world's most merciless terrorist organizations. Visaka breaks the ice in a rather unexpected way.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

That's the time that I told that we came to see your claws and teeth because everybody says that you all are Tigers. So we came to see your claws and teeth.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

It's a very bold move, but it pays off.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

He started laughing. We offered tea to him. Then he said no, no, no, no, no. Like we are not going to take tea from you all. So then we had some sweets.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Visaka reaches into her bag and pulls out some Sri Lankan candy sweets that are banned from the Tamil territories. Colonel Karunaraman hasn't eaten them in years.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

When he was eating, we asked, do you have children? He said, yes, two girls. Are you remembering them when you are eating the sweets? He said, yes. And we said, look, we came to speak to you as mothers.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

With that simple mother to father conversation, Bissaka single handedly opens a backchannel for peace negotiations. One that will eventually end a 26 year long civil war. I'm Anna Sinfield and from the teens at Novel and I Heart podcasts, this is the Girlfriend spot spotlight where we tell stories of women winning. Today. Visaka sparks a ceasefire. Visakha met the Tamil Tigers in 1999 and by that point Sri Lanka had been trapped in one of the world's most violent civil wars. For more than a decade. It was a conflict drawn on ethnic lines. The Sri Lankan government based in the south of the country was dominated by the Sinhalese majority. And a group known as the Liberation Tigers of Tamil elam, often known as the LTTE or the Tamil Tigers, were fighting for an independent state for the Tamil minority in the north of the country. Visakha Dharmadasa lived in Kandy, a beautiful lakeside city in the country's central hills. And right there in the heart of Sri Lanka, it would be easy to forget there was a war going on.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

The war was actually fought within the north and east of the country. Unless you watch the tv, you don't know and you don't feel otherwise relatively. The war is far away. If you didn't have any direct connections, then you don't feel it. So when the population don't feel it, there is also no cry to really finish it.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

But Vassaka did feel the war. Very early on, her two eldest sons joined the military.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

It was difficult. I mean, I was worried that they will join the non state actors and that would have been really, really difficult. So I was happy when they wanted to join the military.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

The army wasn't necessarily what she had hoped for her sons though it was better than ending up in a terrorist group. But Vassaka had always been anti war.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

That's the time that I got together with a couple of women in Kandy and established this particularly organization, what we call the Kandi association for War Affected Families.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

It was a grassroots organization which advocated for an end to the violence.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

You know, all the women came together and we were lighting lamps around the Kandy lake, asking for blessings and to stop the war.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Visaka's eldest son was a colonel in the army. But her youngest son, Accinta, was training to go to the front line.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

He was the second in the family. I mean, he was a child who was very much lovable. Like, everybody likes him, the whole village, the people like him because he's very friendly with the people and he had lots of. Lots of friends. So, I mean, he's very outgoing. He loved sports and, you know, he was one of the most popular youth at that time in the village.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

And then on the 27th of September, 1997, everything changes for Visaka.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

I mean, the day that I say the war was at my doorstep.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

She's at home making fish balls for a relative's memorial ceremony when something strange happens.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

We had a dog. The name was Snoopy. And suddenly he was shaking and collapsed because of the urgency. I didn't even wash my hands with all that fish. I told Snoopy, Snoopy. And then when I touched him, then he slowly got up.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

With Snoopy back on his feet, Visaka turns on the evening news. The ltte, the Tamil Tigers, have attacked a military camp near where her son Achinter is stationed.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

The news said that Parantan camp was attacked by LTTE and four have died. Though my son was in Kilinochee, which is like maybe 5, 6 km this side and a bigger camp, I was worried when I heard that something doesn't feel right.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Visakha calls her local temple to ask for blessings for her son and she keeps watching.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

And then the news came that the Kalinochi camp was attacked.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Visaka and her husband are in complete distress.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

And then my husband was calling all the friends and trying to see the hospitals, whether he's in a hospital. So we tried our level best in every possible way to get some news. There's a glimmer of hope because we were told that he has come back to the camp.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

But then Vassaka's eldest son, the colonel, walks into the house in tears.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

I said, why are you crying? Because they say that your brother has come to the camp. Then he took the phone and called someone and said, I want to speak to my brother. Then only they said, no, he never came.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

So did that feel like the first real moment you found out he was missing?

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

Yeah, that was exactly.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

609 soldiers are missing, including Achinta, who is just 21 years old. And no one can tell Visaka where he is. So she starts trying to find answers for herself.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

So the first thing is to go to the icrc. So that's what I did.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

The ICRC is the International Committee of the Red Cross. They're on the ground in Sri Lanka and they have connections. Visaka wants them to open a tracing request for a Chinta's whereabouts.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

But the ICRC told me at that time they can't open a tracing request because it's individual complaint, it's not from the entity. So the Sri Lankan military have to tell them.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Fisaka makes the 60 mile journey to the capital, Colombo. She's headed to the military headquarters to ask them to open an official inquiry so the Red Cross can start their search for the missing soldiers.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

They of course, were very kind. They were listening. But then they said, Ms. Danza said, it's difficult for us because we are fighting an active war. We'll have to have court of inquiries and all to inform ICRC officially. ICRC also told me that within six months, if a person is missing within six months, you have to report for better chances.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

It's a bureaucratic nightmare. The Red Cross needs an official tracing request from the army, but the army says they can't do that while they're in active warfare. Time is ticking. So Visaka begins a new ritual. Every single week, she travels four hours between the military headquarters in the capital city of Colombo and the Red Cross headquarters in her city of Kandy, trying to persuade one of these enormous institutions to relent and help her find a Chinta. She keeps trying for three whole months.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

Normally in our culture when it's three months, we have to do something, religious ceremony. So I asked the military, are you going to do a religious ceremony? There was, you know, like more than thousand killed and 609 missing from that one battle. Then they're told that they are fighting a war, which is understandable. And so it's difficult for them to do anything.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Bisaka takes it upon herself to organize the ceremony for a Chinta and the other killed and missing soldiers. The army agrees to hand over the names and addresses of all the families.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

I invited all of them, wrote letters to all the 609 families, asked them to come to Kandy and you know, let also meet there and one thing, protest and ask the military to tell the icrc. So we all gathered there together.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

That must have felt quite powerful. What did it look like?

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

I mean, we were all crying together. I mean it's really hopeful, very hopeful. But crying together also.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

It's a moment of shared grief, but it's also the beginning of something more.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

That's the time that we also established this parents of servicemen missing in action. A very loose network. I typed the ICRC address, gave to the families and told, go and knock on their door, tell them that they have to open a tracing. And I told definitely, let's really go to the north to find sons and daughters.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

So they just were absolutely swarmed by families, like 609 families.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

Yeah. And also what we did was we had flowers, you know, for this religious ceremony. We went and put the flowers into the river together.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

At the banks of a river which flows north into the Tamil Tiger's territory, the grieving parents throw flowers into the water. The flowers have the names of their missing children written on them along with messages of peace and love. A Sri Lankan version of the American hippie sticking a flower in a soldier's rifle.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

And then we had gas balloons with messages thinking the wind will take it to the north. I mean, asking like the name of the sun. And then again, we want to build a peace. We want, you know, for you all to leave messages to the ltte.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Berserker doesn't know whether anyone from the ltte, the Tamil Tigers, ever saw the flowers or the balloons, even if they did soften a few hearts. Over in the north, the two sides were still at war and Vassaka's son was still missing. Vassaka realizes that if she's going to stand a chance of finding a Chinta, then she's going to have to be a lot more direct. She's going to have to cross enemy lines to see their claws and their teeth. After the break, Bissaka meets the Tigers.

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[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Visaga had tried working within the system. She had written to the government, pleaded with the military, approached the Red Cross. But the bureaucratic maze seemed designed to frustrate the grieving families. She had only one option left. To go and talk to the Tamil Tigers herself. I mean how did you get the idea in the first place of going to meet the Tigers?

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

I mean who else to go and meet?

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

I guess it's that simple.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

Yeah, that is that simple.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Yeah, simple maybe. But first Fisaka needs permission from the Secretary of Defense to cross into Tiger territory.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

I wrote to the government asking permission to cross but like always I was told that come but then it's postponed and all. I called the Defense Secretary home. His servant told me that he's at the breakfast table. I said want to speak now. And my tone I think got him. The servant I think ran and went and gave the phone and I got the appointment. Of course he told that. Are you mad or something? You know whom you are going to meet? They are Tigers. Yeah, you're going there. They're murderers. Are you going there? I said yes. I said you all send my child now. What about me? I'll go. So I got it is a very.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Brave, you know, thing to do.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

Yeah and I mean going to the jungles at that time in itself is really really brave if you think now they were fighting an active warfare.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

With her permission letter from the Secretary of Defense in hand, Visaka and six other mothers make their way to the last government controlled town before Taiga territory. And then they need to arrange the actual meeting.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

I wrote to the church and then wanted to go and meet the Bishop. Really, really grateful to the Catholic Church because the church really helped us. This is a massive church which had a big compound where there are places for people pilgrims to stay.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

So the seven mothers and their 22 year old Tamil driver prepare for the.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

Journey at 1.30am I told them that we are crossing the line. And then when we went to the line to the border the military told don't go now because any mistaken they are going to shoot. So don't do that. Wait till you can see. Like I mean we say manusyata Manusya means when you see the other human being means when it is clear enough to see each other and when the.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Light comes that's When Visaka sits on the floor of the church deep inside Tamil territory, with the Tamil Tiger's reputed second in command, Colonel Karuna Aman, sitting next to her, and she shares those sweets with him and asks about his daughters. And over the next five days, the two sides finally really see each other as humans.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

You can imagine at that time how much hopeful I was. And all of us.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Did you go in there thinking you were going to get answers about your sons specifically?

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

Yeah, I mean, we definitely would have thought that we are going to bring them and come home. I mean, that was always the case, right? Even in a checkpoint, when the military check in the vehicle, always how many went, how many coming back? I always used to say, look, I go there to bring my son, so he will be there. Additional person coming back.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

As the mothers and the Tigers talk, it becomes clear just how true that old adage is. There are no winners in war. Both sides were exhausted, grieving and missing their loved ones.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

I mean, it really made a nice connection. And we said, look, we came to speak to you as mothers. And then of course he said that your army have killed our people. This many are killed and all then I said, yes, we also can tell that you're bombed, killed and all, but let's see how we can stop killing and save lives. So that's exactly the beginning of talking to them.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

When it's time to leave the Tamil Tigers, make sure the mothers have a safe way out.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

They took so much trouble, even climb trees to get signals to see whether it's clear for us to go safe. Up to the extent our mothers were holding his hands and telling, you know, crying and telling. I mean, they felt really bad to leave him and come and also blessings for his life.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

The seven mothers returned from Tiger territory without their sons. I can imagine that long journey home was a heavy one. But their efforts hadn't been for nothing. Pissaka's meeting with Colonel Karuna Rahman opened for the very first time a backchannel for direct negotiations with the ltte. And she had delivered a very important message.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

And I had a green color file which I gave to the LTTE to give to their chief about like the details and that we really wanted peace with justice for all. So that letter we gave to them, that we really wanted them to stop the war, to have a ceasefire.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

The mother's aims are clear. End the violence, silence the guns, and find out where their children are. After the break, the Tigers want Vassaka back.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

Foreign.

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[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

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[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Word of Vassaka and the other mothers unprecedented journey into Tamil Tiger territory spreads to quickly. A group of civilian women had gone and met with the separatist group which had been terrorizing the country.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

And that was something that exactly gave me a huge recognition within my country, within Colombo, with the key civil society that I am very important in this whole journey of peace building in the country.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

And I mean, what messages did you bring back from those meetings?

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

We went to the government and told the time is right please for government to also to agree for a ceasefire.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

By this point there was utter exhaustion with the war. Casualties were mounting on both sides and there appeared to be no end in sight. One million people in Sri Lanka were internally displaced, living in camps, homeless and struggling for survival. So Visaka's trip kick started dialogue between the Tigers and the government. Negotiations actually began. But Vassaka noticed something very wrong. A crucial group was excluded from that process.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

What is happening? Where are the women? We want to work with women. Across the divide we went. A group of women went to the north to really speak with women and you know, other groups to see how we could really come together and, you know, address the issues.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Visakha believes the peace process needs women. So she does what I'm sure we'd all do in that scenario. She starts a national petition demanding that women are included in the talks.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

We collected 60,000, I think, signatures. We spoke to everyone, collected signatures, went through the whole country and then went and gave to the Norwegian side.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Norway as a neutral third country was tasked to facilitate the peace negotiations and Vassaka wanted them to make sure women were involved.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

We went to the embassy and gave on a Saturday the list of signatures to the Norwegian government and told please come to facilitate. We were on the street going to the Norwegian Embassy, I can still remember with banners and all walking that time the media came, but I had a camera, but then I didn't have batteries for the camera. So, I mean, we were not thinking of, you know, documenting or anything.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Did you think at all in that moment that you were kind of making history, that you were doing something really quite amazing?

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

No, to tell you very frankly, no.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Visakha marched along the streets carrying signatures from both the Sinhalese and Tamil communities. This was an extraordinary achievement considering the logistical and security risks of crossing ethnic and territorial lines during the war. And it paid off. The peace talk started to include women and added gender issues to the agenda. But Vassaka's involvement in the process wasn't over yet. One day she gets a call.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

It was a foreign number that I get this call telling that they want me to come.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Okay.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

They gave me like, maybe in 24 hours. I had to go.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

It's the Tamil Tigers. They want Visakha back.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

Number one. I asked, how do I trust you? How do I know who you are?

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Wow.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

When you're asking me to come to the jungles. Then said that the green color file, then I knew, because the green color file, I mean, it was given to their local leader to give to their chief.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

It's the green colored file that she handed over. At the end of her first meeting with the Tigers, Vishnaka scrambles to get herself ready, heads to the bank to get money, gets a driver. Within a matter of hours, she finds herself in the back of a car making the long journey back into the jungles of Tamil Taiga territory.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

I mean, there was no direct road. It took a long, long time for us to get there because the roads were broken, all the culverts, the bridges were broken. So the vehicle had to go down and go up again.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Were you worried that something bad could happen to you? That it was a bit of a setup?

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

No, no, no. Initially, I didn't know who was calling. Yeah, once I knew it was ltte, I didn't have to worry.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Vassaka isn't sure where the LTTE are taking her, but she knows it's in the direction of Killunochi. After a full day of bumpy traveling, she arrives in the morning.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

They gave us breakfast. I can still remember they gave us something with honey. So then they were having this big meeting, but we said, want to take a shower and come.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Misaka is still not sure why the Tamil Tigers want her there. Is it for some sort of meeting? She wonders. But this wasn't a meeting. The Tamil Tigers are holding a press conference for a big announcement. And they want Visakha center stage.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

I mean, we were given seats just in front. We were the special guests. To tell you very frankly, they waited. They kept one and a half days, the 60 journalists waiting, but they really wanted me to be there.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

As the press conference begins, Visaka realizes this is something huge. The Tamil Tigers are announcing a release of civilian prisoners. And the biggest news of all, a ceasefire. The years of painstaking negotiations have paid off. On February 22, 2002, the guns fall silent across Sri Lanka for the first time since 1983. There are no morning reports of bombings, no evening news of soldiers killed, no parents wondering if their children will make it home. The checkpoints that have divided the country for a generation stand empty. What was it like when the ceasefire officially began?

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

It was so nice because we could go, we could really cross by road. We could go. It was really nice to see the other places. It was nice to meet others.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Roads that have been closed for years reopen. The main highway connecting north and south sees its first civilian traffic in more than 10 years. After decades of being cut off from each other, families can finally reunite. It's hard to overstate what this means. Imagine if your country had been split in two for your entire adult life and suddenly you could visit the other half. That's what the Sri Lankan people experience in those first weeks of peace. And Vassaka, wow.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

I took 200 mothers and fathers, also mainly mothers and sisters from the south from the missing soldiers families to meet the mothers of the north who also had, at that time there was 350 missing from the north.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

And what was it like meeting those mothers from the north?

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

It was really good for them to, you know, come together and understand that it's not only you, but also from the other side. They were sharing the photographs, you know, crying together. That also gives the strength and also a lot of understanding.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

I think there's something so powerful about seeing mothers from both sides of a war grieving the same losses. It just really points out how ridiculous the whole thing is.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

When I took the mothers to the north, that's where we thought that we need a shoulder to cry. And that's where the association of War Affected Women come into being. Bringing the women together across the divide anywhere in the world.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Bisakha's association of War Affected Women expands her work beyond searching for the missing Sri Lankan soldiers. It's an organization that actively pushes for women to be involved in peace building processes and advocates for informal peace negotiations. Vassaka's reputation for bridge building grows and people from all sorts of communities around the world begin to trust her. But 27 years later, she is still waiting for news of her son. The sandalwood soap he once requested still sits unused in her bathroom, a symbol of hope that refuses to fade.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

I mean, even like Today, though it's 20, what, nearly 27 years, I'm still waiting for him. I'm still thinking that maybe he's somewhere. The urge to know, to know what happened of her mother, I mean, that's very, very powerful. Yeah, really very powerful.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Today, Visakha continues her peacebuilding work, addressing the root causes of conflict internationally. She connects with women peacebuilders in conflict zones around the world, whether it's Russia and Ukraine or Israel and Palestine meeting face to face with the people responsible for her son's disappearance. I find that really interesting because, you know, you were all mothers going in there who had suffered great losses because of this war and because of the actions of that group. And yet you're showing these people so much compassion when you must have been pretty heartbroken that you didn't manage to go in there and find your sons.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

To tell you very frankly, even now, like today, if you say, my phone there is this one of the leaders who in the checkpoint, I mean, the checkpoint leader, he texts me, even every time I go to the north, I take something. He has a child now. Take some sweets for the child. He will give me something from their area. And we are so happy to see that he was alive. Yeah, really. I mean, frankly, there is no personal animosities, really. I mean, we wanted everybody to live. Really. I mean, that's exactly. We wanted everybody to live. I mean, that's why war anywhere, for whatever reason is not going to resolve anything or, you know, nobody will win in a war.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Nobody. When you see reports from war zones in the news, the images that seem to go viral are always the ones of children and mothers caught in the middle. They make us pause because we all know intuitively that they don't belong there. When Bissaka walked boldly into Tamil Tiger territory, she showed the world that every soldier, every fighter, every enemy is someone's child. Her weapon wasn't force. It was trust and a mother's cool, collected wisdom. If you've enjoyed this conversation, you can find loads more incredible women on our feedback. Do check them out. And please do spread the word and tell your friends about us. We want as many people as possible to be part of the Girlfriends gang. Next time on the Girlfriend Spotlight, Jackie saves a hostage.

[Public Investing / PennyMac / Podcast Host]

I climbed through the window into her.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

Room where she was chained to a bedstead woke her up.

[Public Investing / PennyMac / Podcast Host]

Obviously she was worried and I'm like, no, your mom sent me.

[Anna Sinfield (Narrator)]

We will come back for you. This season we're supporting the charity Womankind Worldwide. They do amazing work to help women's rights organizations and movements to strengthen and grow. If you'd like to find out more or donate to help them secure equal rights for women and girls across the globe, you can go to womankind.org UK. The Girlfriend Spotlight is produced by novel for iHeart podcasts. For more from Novel, visit Novel Audio. The show is hosted by me, Anna Sinfield. This episode was written and produced by Al Shad Shobani. Our assistant producer is Lucy Carr. Our researcher is Zayana Yusuf. The editor is Hannah Marshall. Max o' Brien and Craig Strachan are our executive producers. Production management from Joe Savage, Cherie Houston and Charlotte Wolf Sound design, mixing and scoring by Nicholas Alexander and Daniel Kempson Music supervision by Jaco Tajevic, Nicholas, Alex Alexander and Anna Sinfield. Original music composed by Louisa Gerstein and Gemma Freeman. The series artwork was designed by Christina Lemkul. Willard Foxton is Creative Director of Development. Special thanks to Katrina Norville, Carrie Lieberman and Will Pearson at iHeart Podcasts, as well as Carly Frankel and the whole team at wme.

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[Public Investing / PennyMac / Podcast Host]

Aldous Hodge returns as Alex Cross, your favorite detective on television for season two of the hit show Cross, now streaming exclusively on Prime Video. Fresh off his capture of the infamous serial killer, the fanboy Kross teams up with the FBI to hunt down a vigilante serial killer targeting corrupt billionaires. As the case unfolds, Kross navigates a moral crossroads where the lines between justice and vengeance are blurred. Catch season two of Kross, with a new episode dropping weekly now streaming only on Prime Video. Janice Torres here, and I'm Austin Hankwitz. We host the podcast Mind the Business, Small Business Success Stories, produced by Ruby Studio in partnership with Intuit QuickBooks.

[Visaka Dharmadasa]

We're back for season four to talk.

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That's how fast the industry is changing.

[Public Investing / PennyMac / Podcast Host]

So what I'm really excited about is to be part of that change.

[Tara Davis Woodhull / Hunter Woodhull]

So listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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