The Girlfriends: Spotlight, E19: Lejla Fights for the Invisible

Summary

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The Girlfriends: Spotlight, E19: Lejla Fights for the Invisible

Host: Anna Sinfield
Release Date: March 23, 2026
Produced by: iHeartPodcasts and Novel

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Episode Overview

In this emotional and moving episode, Anna Sinfield spotlights the extraordinary story of Lejla (Layla) Damon, a woman born during the Bosnian war as a result of sexual violence, and her courageous journey to reclaim her identity, find connection, and fight for the rights of “invisible children” like herself. At heart, the episode explores how friendship and solidarity can help rebuild lives shattered by conflict and stigma, breaking the silence and loneliness that often surrounds such traumatic beginnings.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Friendship Meet Cute” and Being Seen

• Anna frames the narrative around the overlooked power of adult friendships and the soul-deep connections they foster, particularly for those with difficult backgrounds.
• Layla’s meeting with Ina, another child born of sexual violence in Bosnia, becomes a pivotal moment in her journey towards healing and visibility.
• Quote (Anna, 05:38): “This is a story about how being seen by a friend, someone who truly gets it, can completely change your life.”

2. Layla’s Origin: Born Out of War

• Layla was born in Sarajevo in 1992 amidst the horrors of the Bosnian war, with her biological mother a victim of systematic sexual violence used as a weapon of genocide.
• Quote (Layla, 07:17): “I was born on Christmas Day in 1992 in the main hospital in Sarajevo… My biological mother had experienced sexual violence in the lead up to my birth... I was a child born out of sexual violence.”
• Layla’s birth mother’s trauma led her to reject Layla, fearing she’d be like her rapists:
  Quote (Layla, 08:42): "...ultimately that she didn’t want anything to do with me. You know, if she held me, that she had strangled me."

3. Adoption and Childhood in the UK

• British journalists covering the war adopted Layla, smuggling her out of Bosnia after witnessing grim conditions for orphans.
• Layla grew up in North London, unaware of the full truth but sensing she was different.
• Anecdote (Layla, 10:47): Reminiscing about local landmarks and the subtle cues in her Bosnian-spelled name.

4. Learning Her Truth

• At age 7, after classroom curiosity about her birth, Layla learned she was adopted.
• At 18, her parents revealed the full extent of her origins, supported by official documents.
• The bombshell led to deep feelings of isolation and a desperate need for answers and belonging.
• Quote (Layla, 15:22): “...for a long time, I think the challenge was that sense of belonging... I was like, there is genuinely no one really I can talk to about, you know, is badness hereditary? Is there something about me?”

5. Searching for Belonging and Connection

• Layla sought other young people affected by conflict through War Child, an NGO supporting children from war zones (20:38).
• Speaking about her story publicly was both cathartic and draining, but allowed her to search for peers born of sexual violence.
• She became involved in a university documentary project to search for her birth mother, viewing harrowing footage for the first time at 19.

6. First Journey Back to Bosnia

• Layla’s initial efforts to find her mother via the Bosnian embassy and local hospital yielded little, but restored some connection to her roots.

7. Meeting Ina: The Transformative Friendship [29:00]

• Through a researcher, Layla was introduced to Ina, another woman born from sexual violence during the Bosnian war.
• Their instant understanding provided Layla with much-needed solidarity, eliminating the need for explanations or apologies.
• Quote (Layla, 29:55): “It was nice to be able to explore all the different emotions that you can feel as a child born out of sexual violence with someone else that has also experienced those emotions.”

8. Finding Her Birth Mother

• Months after returning from Bosnia, Layla received notification from the embassy that her birth mother had been found (35:27).
• Layla initiated a cautious letter exchange, which led to a warm, positive response from her birth mother:
  Quote (Layla, 36:51): “Yeah, and it was positive. You know, it was, we’re so glad that you have this life. Say thank you to your parents.”

9. The Reunion [38:59]

• With Ina as interpreter and emotional bridge, Layla traveled to Bosnia for an emotionally charged meeting with her birth mother.
• The encounter was full of anxiety but ultimately healing, filled with mutual respect, coffee, and cake.
  Quote (Layla, 41:11): “It was lovely. And I really hope ultimately, the relationship that I still have and now have with my birth mum gives us both a sense of peace and healing... love and gratitude for the decisions that were made.”

10. Activism and Creating Change

• Strengthened by her experiences and friendship, Layla now advocates so no other children born out of sexual violence feel isolated or invisible.
• She emphasizes practical needs—overcoming educational, legal, and social barriers, especially for children in current conflict zones like Ukraine.
• Quote (Layla, 42:25): “...children born out of sexual violence have educational barriers, barriers to identification cards, barriers and stigmatization... How do we support those children born out of sexual violence?”

11. Small Wins and Ongoing Advocacy

• Layla and Ina’s efforts helped push the topic onto the international agenda (US Institute of Peace Summit, 2023), earning them the Oslo Human Rights Award.
• Quote (Layla, 44:26): “They’re the small wins. Right before, it was not talked about. And finally there was a whole panel discussion on children born out of sexual violence. And you’re like, yes, yes, because we’re creating dialogue... when me, Ina, and all children born out of sexual violence from Bosnia won the Oslo Human Rights Award, that was huge. ... it’s the feeling of being seen, which is phenomenal.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Power of Being Seen:
  “It’s like being seen and being seen by each other as well. Finding that community.” — Anna Sinfield (45:35)
• On Isolation and Belonging:
  “Feeling seen, having a sense of belonging, you know, all of it. But I have had incredible amounts of love. I’m fully aware of that and I’m very lucky and grateful.” — Layla Damon (45:47)
• On Activism’s Importance:
  “Progress is slow, societal change is slow. We keep moving forward because it is 100% right thing to do. It is 100% needed.” — Layla Damon (44:26)

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Timeline & Timestamps

• [04:02] Layla’s early life and adoption
• [07:17] Layla describes her traumatic birth circumstances
• [13:49] Learning the full story at 18
• [20:38] Layla’s search for belonging through War Child
• [23:55] Viewing the harrowing documentary footage
• [26:42] Returning to Bosnia in search of her mother
• [29:07] Meeting Ina, her pivotal friendship
• [35:27] Embassy news: her birth mother is found
• [38:59] The reunion in Bosnia with birth mother and Ina
• [42:25] Layla’s ongoing activism and vision for the future
• [44:26] Oslo Human Rights Award and being seen

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Episode Tone & Style

Warm, empathetic, and quietly determined—the episode balances heartbreaking facts with hope, centering women’s voices and lived experiences. Anna gently guides while Layla is open, reflective, and resourceful. The episode is emotionally honest, neither shying away from trauma nor from the power of healing and solidarity.

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Takeaways

• The “invisible children” of war need visibility, voice, and support—something Layla and Ina are fighting for through personal example and activism.
• Friendship and being understood can provide the missing sense of belonging and help overcome trauma and stigma.
• Systemic change is possible through relentless advocacy, even if progress is slow—“the small wins” matter.
• Layla and Ina’s journey shows that trauma can be transformed into comfort and empowerment for others, and that finding someone who “just gets it” can change everything.

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Transcript

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[Anna Sinfield]

Novel before we dive in, I wanted to give you a quick note that today's episode includes discussions of sexual violence. We don't want to catch anyone off guard. That said, there's also so much beauty in this story. Moments where women from completely different worlds find connection. Those parts honestly gave me goosebumps. But I want you to take care of yourself first. If this topic isn't right for you today, we totally understand. Our feed is full of other stories waiting for your ears.

[Layla Damon]

It was boiling hot summer day in August. Like hot. We were outside at a table and I remember kind of being sat there. I was wearing a blue dress and we were just sat there having coffee.

[Anna Sinfield]

There's one type of story that I don't think gets enough airtime, and that's the friendship. Meet cute. The unusual chance encounter with someone that makes you go, oh, I want to be your friend so bad. It's hard making friends as an adult, but those friendships can end up being as much of a soul connection as any romantic love.

[Layla Damon]

Just right from the beginning. Go on. Like so close, you know.

[Anna Sinfield]

Layla has lots of friends, great friends, but their ability to truly understand her life always comes to an abrupt halt when she tells them where she came from. You see, Layla's life began during the Bosnian war in circumstances most of us can barely comprehend. For years, she's carried the weight of an identity that she felt no one could understand

[Layla Damon]

for a really long time. I was very isolated from that point of view. You have an understanding of your identity, but you're not sure how you feel about your identity is fundamentally the challenge.

[Anna Sinfield]

Until one summer's day in Bosnia when Leila met a kindred spirit.

[Layla Damon]

She shared her story, I shared mine. It is truly amazing. It was nice to Be able to explore all the different emotions with someone else that has also experienced those emotions.

[Anna Sinfield]

This is a story about how being seen by a friend, someone who truly gets it, can completely change your life. That's what happened for Layla and Ina. They recognized each other in a way that no one else could. And in doing so, Ina helps Layla come face to face with her Bosnian roots and gives her a homecoming she could never have imagined. I'm Anna Sinfield, and from the teams At Novel and iHeart podcasts, this is the Girlfriend Spotlight, where we tell stories of women winning. Today. Layla becomes visible. Leila Damon was in the spotlight from day one. Leila was born in the Bosnian capital, Sarajevo, in 1992. It was a city under siege. The Bosnian war was raging, and Serb forces surrounded Sarajevo for nearly four years. Its people endured daily shelling and sniper attacks. Cut off from the rest of the world. The violence was so horrific that it's hard to even imagine. More than 11,000 people were killed. 1,600 of them were children.

[Layla Damon]

I was born on Christmas Day in 1992 in the main hospital in Sarajevo, Bosnia. The maternity hospital was bombed fairly early on during the war, and my biological mother had experienced sexual violence in the lead up to my birth. So I was a child born out of sexual violence. And she had experienced sexual violence throughout her pregnancy until she was so heavily pregnant that they let her go. By this point, ultimately, sexual violence was being used as a weapon of war in Bosnia, and that was a tactic of the army to dehumanize and humiliate the civilian population, as well as creating this kind of next generation of children born out of stigma.

[Anna Sinfield]

Sexual violence as a weapon of war was used systematically as a tool of genocide. During the Bosnian war, Leila's birth mother, a Bosnian Muslim, was held in a concentration camp by the Serb army and repeatedly raped by soldiers. Around this time, Worda, Sarajevo's devastating situation was breaking through to the rest of the world. And this is where another crucial part of Layla's story unfolds. A husband and wife journalist duo had made their way into the city. They were covering the conflict for Sky News, documenting what happened on the ground.

[Layla Damon]

So they'd been in Bosnia pretty much the whole time since the war broke out. Their fixer had come across my story as a child born on Christmas Day. Them being journalists, this was a story, and they went to the hospital where I was born to interview my biological mother and understand her story. They wanted to raise the awareness around the sexual violence that had been occurring in Bosnia, but also now this second element of a generation being born out of sexual violence. They interviewed my biological mother and they heard what she had to say, which was ultimately that I would very much, in her eyes, grow up to be like the men that committed that sexual violence towards her and her very extreme feelings towards me, which was ultimately that she didn't want anything to do with me. You know, if she held me, that she had strangled me.

[Anna Sinfield]

Layla, the baby born on Christmas Day, was destined for an orphanage.

[Layla Damon]

Them being journalists, they documented the orphanages and how little they had to go and live on burning furniture to keep warm. And so they knew what my outcome would be, and they ultimately wanted to make a difference and make a change. They then came back and asked for my biological mother's consent in adopting me. And then they started the process of smuggling me out of Bosnia.

[Anna Sinfield]

Yeah, I mean, I can imagine kind of being that close to the reporting and then having this very real case in front of you of like, this is about to happen to this kid. You'd just feel like your hands were tied. I can't imagine walking out of that hospital without you in my arms, for sure. Laila's adoptive parents, the journalist she now simply calls her parents, smuggled her first to Hungary and then to the uk, and that's where they made the adoption official. Laila went on to spend her childhood in North London, which is an area that I also know pretty well.

[Layla Damon]

So I grew up literally, you know, where the reservoir is and the happening bagel. Wow.

[Anna Sinfield]

Oh, my God. Love that bagel place.

[Layla Damon]

24 hours. Like, it's actually open until 12. Like, you know, it was one of those things that when my parents used to drop me off at school, they'd get me a bagel. And then as I got older and I used to go out in Camden, then I'd get a bagel on the way home after a night out. It was just happy days.

[Anna Sinfield]

The best feeling, that post pint bagel. My God. As a kid, Laila didn't know about her origins, but looking back, there was the clue in her name. It's spelled in the Bosnian way. L, E, J, L, A.

[Layla Damon]

When you grow up in the uk, everyone in North London calls me Ledger. Everyone. Yeah, that's it. And you can always know that when your name's coming in the register, someone will pause before they start trying to pronounce it. At the time, I wasn't absolutely. I didn't love it.

[Anna Sinfield]

It wasn't until Laila turned seven that she started to ask questions.

[Layla Damon]

I particularly remember it because in school, we were in it. You know how you can go back where the time is on the bottom right hand side of your computer? You can scroll back to, like, the calendar and see what day you were born on. So I can scroll way back to 1992. And that's when I found out that I was born on a Friday. And I distinctly remember the other kids talking about what time they were born and all of those kinds of things that their parents may have told them. And that day I went home and asked my mom, you know, what time was I born? I was born on a Friday. All of these kinds of little bits. And that was when she kind of sat me down and said, you're adopted. Your biological mother couldn't look after you because there was a war going on. I do remember distinctly it like you feel different. Firstly, I'd never heard of Bosnia. Secondly, I had to go into school the next day and say that I was adopted. At school, there's that kind of pang of just wanting to fit in. So finding out this information was sometimes I'm not sure what the. I don't think there's any best way or best time or anything like that. But looking back, it was the appropriate time and the best way.

[Anna Sinfield]

Yeah. For years, Layla only knew the simple version of how she came into this world. That there was a war, her mother couldn't raise her, and she was adopted. But everything changed when she turned 18. Her parents felt it was finally time for her to know her whole story. So one day, they gathered in the living room for a conversation that would completely reshape her understanding of who she was.

[Layla Damon]

And I remember both my parents sat opposite on the other side. So there were two sofas parallel to each other. I was on one, they were on the other. Tall ceilings, blue sofas, really wide. And then they had this almost file of papers. And they said, you know, we've got these documents. These are from your adoption process here in the uk. Your biological mother experienced sexual violence, and that's how you were born.

[Anna Sinfield]

But finding that out must have been really, I imagine it was really destabilizing.

[Layla Damon]

Yeah. I mean, I'll be honest, teenage years anyway, are, I would say, horrendously challenging and just so awkward. The crippling desire to fit in is also painful in the biggest way ever. But then finding this element out, it was a challenge. You know, I had great friends, I've always had great friends, but they don't have this kind of war background. And so it's that interesting dynamic of really trying to grow up and fit in desperately, but also then finding out more about yourself that puts you really further away from your peer set.

[Anna Sinfield]

The bombshell truth about her origins hit Layla pretty hard. Suddenly questioning everything about herself and eager for answers. So she did what many of us would do. She googled it.

[Layla Damon]

There was not much at all at that point. There was some information on children born out of sexual violence post World War II. So you could read some testimonies and things like that. But if you typed in children born out of sexual violence of the Bosnian war, there was maybe on one research paper it was noted, but marginally so. Therefore, for a long time, I think the challenge was that sense of belonging. I was like, there is genuinely no one really I can talk to about, you know, is badness hereditary? Is there something about me? Do I need to? How do I. Yeah, like there was just no. And everyone's like, a bit like, you know, don't know what to say. Like my friends at Ace. Right, but what are they supposed to say? For a really long time, I was very isolated from that point of view.

[Anna Sinfield]

With all these questions swirling in her mind, where do I fit in? Who am I? She felt alone and invisible, like she was the only person in this world who was born this way. After the break, Layla searches for others who might understand her unique background. A journey that eventually leads her all the way back to Bosnia.

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[Anna Sinfield]

19 year old Layla is in the middle of an identity crisis, having just found out the devastating full story of her birth on top of the usual pangs of teenage angst and insecurities. It would be a lot for most people to handle, but Layla is resourceful and resilient and she's determined to find some answers.

[Layla Damon]

I basically tried to find NGOs that worked in Bosnia during the Bosnian war. And then it really, whether it's like you're even signs or these things, there was a post where they were looking for volunteers. The only experience that you needed was to either be first generation or second generation youth between the ages of 18 to 25 with some related conflict background. And I was like, wow, this is perfect. Because again, going back to that sense of belonging, had great friends, but didn't have anywhere I could kind of talk about war or explore this. This was the first time in which I met other young people that had a conflict related background. You know, I could relate. There were synergies, but also you can talk about things that are hard topics without people being like, this isn't really my area.

[Anna Sinfield]

The charity Laila found is called War Child. It's an incredible organization that helps kids affected by war. They make sure that these children are safe, get an education, and most importantly, have a chance to just be kids again. They build schools, provide therapy, and help families rebuild their lives in places like Afghanistan, Yemen, Iraq and Uganda. Basically wherever children are caught up in the crossfire and desperately need support. For Layla, volunteering with them was a chance to meet other young people who have been impacted by war.

[Layla Damon]

Now, obviously, my parents had forewarned me that once you come out with it, you know about being a child born out of sexual violence, you can't put the genie back in the bottle. You have to know that this is something that you wanted to do. But it was something that I wanted to do it actually. Speaking about my story has always felt cathartic. Not all the time in terms of. Sometimes it has depleted me rather than filled me back up. But in most, even then starting to talk about it and in the hope try and find other children born out of sexual violence in which I can communicate with them. That was important. So I found that really useful. For me, it was a great sense of community and so on.

[Anna Sinfield]

There's actually a term that's sometimes used for children born out of sexual violence in war. And it's invisible children, not because there's not a lot of information about them, although that definitely was the case when Laila started searching. But because of the stigma and rejection that surrounds them, they're often seen as symbols of the enemy and socially excluded, hence invisible. But Layla was determined to find others and so continued sharing her story openly even when she got to university.

[Layla Damon]

I made really good friends with a girl called Hannah who she was studying film. I told her my story and she was like, wow, this is crazy. This is unbelievable. We should try and go find your birth mum. And I was like, yeah, sounds great. You know, like, sure. Like, we have many ideas. You know, this is just one of those many great ideas that we're having. But this one did actually come to fruition.

[Anna Sinfield]

And it was a pretty wild idea to track down Layla's birth mom for her friend's documentary film project. You see, all her parents knew about Layla's biological mum was from that interview they shot with her all those years ago back in Sarajevo.

[Layla Damon]

The first time I ever watched it was with my dad for that documentary when I was 19 in, like a studio in our university. Yeah.

[Anna Sinfield]

Oh, my God.

[Layla Damon]

So my dad had bought it on Betacam, played it to me, and that was the first time I sat next to him and watched it. And I could see my best friend behind as she was filming on. And as I'm listening to what my biological mother's saying about me and how she didn't want to hold me because she would strangle me, I can see my best friend opposite me and her eyes just slightly widening. Ultimately, the words do hurt, but the words are reminders of the impact of that sexual violence has. And conflict related sexual violence has. Like that. That is it. And ultimately, although she may have given me up for adoption because she didn't want to see me and she didn't want anything to do with me, her sacrifice of giving me up for adoption has given me the life that I have today. So it's given me incredible privilege and so much love. So it's one of them.

[Anna Sinfield]

Wow. How did you react in that moment?

[Layla Damon]

I just hold onto my dad and. Cause he ends with saying, this child will probably end up going to one of the orphanages like all the other children. And then my dad says, she didn't go to the orphanages. She turned into you. Wonderful thing.

[Anna Sinfield]

I saw the clip of the documentary where we see Laila watching the news report from Christmas Day of 1992. Her birth mother is filmed so that you can only see the back of her head and her hands sort of gesturing. She's speaking in Bosnian, but you can understand it because she's been dubbed in English. And Laila is fixated on the screen sitting next to her dad. And he does a really amazing job of just being there for her. But it's pretty chilling when you hear the words, I don't want to see that baby. Cause if I did, I would strangle her. When you're watching it, you see this jolt of Sudden emotion hit Laila's face. And watching it, I admit I did the same thing, because that's a really, really tough thing for anyone to hear. Having seen that video and heard her birth mom's voice for the first time, Layla had even more questions than before. She was determined to go to Bosnia on this project. It was a shot in the dark, for sure, but it was also her only shot at getting answers.

[Layla Damon]

Prior to going to Bosnia, we went to the Bosnian embassy in the uk, and I have my biological mother's name on my birth certificate. So I asked them if they could find her or support me in the journey of trying to find her. They said, yes, they'll help, but I need to kind of manage my own expectations. She might not be alive, she might not want to be found, change her name, so on and so forth. But we anyway went to Bosnia. We went back to the hospital where I was born, and the press officer showed us around. And then there was a nurse there who was one of the nurses that was there originally and knew about my story and was like, you've come back. I can't believe you've come back. There are still people here that kind of remember my story or remember my parents. And that felt really nice. That felt like I was already starting to have a connection to Bosnia beyond just kind of holidays.

[Anna Sinfield]

How did you feel making that choice to try and find your biological mother? I mean, from the way you've described it, it seems like it was quite a casual in to that thing, but it's quite a big process.

[Layla Damon]

I suppose it's because I didn't think I'd find her initially. Yes, it felt casual because also I really was very conscious that I wasn't sure that she wanted to be found. And I also wasn't sure that she was alive either.

[Anna Sinfield]

Yeah, well, I guess, yeah, you have to prepare yourself for potential disappointment for

[Layla Damon]

a lot of different variables.

[Anna Sinfield]

Yeah.

[Layla Damon]

Yeah.

[Anna Sinfield]

She didn't find her birth mum, nor did she find anyone else who truly understood her background. And so when she returned home, she was again alone. That all changed when Warchild, the charity she had been volunteering with, connected her with someone who would transform her life. After leaving Bosnia without the answers she had hoped for, she returned once more not to find her mother, but to meet Ina.

[Layla Damon]

I met Ina through a researcher called Amra Delic.

[Anna Sinfield]

Ina is Bosnian. Like Leila, she was also born out of sexual violence during the Bosnian war. And like Layla, she found out the full story of her birth when she was a teenager. But Ina grew up in Bosnia and still lived in Sarajevo.

[Layla Damon]

It was boiling hot summer day in August, like hot. We were outside at a table and I remember kind of being sat there. I was wearing a blue dress, Ina was in a white T shirt and shorts. And we were just sat there having coffee and, you know, here's what I've been doing in the uk. Do you know any other children? There's gotta be more children than just me and you, but, you know, is there a kind of wider group? So, you know, she shared her story, I shared mine. Like it is truly amazing. And yeah. And we just right from the beginning got on like so close. It was nice to be able to explore all the different emotions that you can feel as a child born out of sexual violence with someone else that has also experienced those emotions.

[Anna Sinfield]

Yeah. So many things you don't have to explain.

[Layla Damon]

Yeah, exactly. It's that.

[Anna Sinfield]

It's exactly that. When you've been through something unusual, you're almost on high alert every time you meet someone new, thinking, when are they going to ask me this? Because then I'm naturally going to have to explain that that's been Layla's entire life. But here with Ina, that guard is down. No explanations needed. No batting off, well meaning but slightly silencing, I'm sorrys, no having to explain the entire political and social and ethical backstory of the Bosnian war. Aina gets it and Leila gets Ina. Layla is no longer invisible. And with this feeling of invisibility shattered, she can finally get some answers. After the break, Layla gets some unexpected news from the Bosnian embassy.

[Layla Damon]

See,

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[Anna Sinfield]

When Leila got back from Bosnia, things felt a little flat.

[Layla Damon]

I think I must have got a letter about eight months later. And it basically, it was from the Bosnian embassy saying, hey, just want to let you know we've identified and located your birth mom. We've sent a police officer around. They have confirmed that it is your birth mom. Here is her phone number and address. And please feel free to contact her. And ultimately, I don't speak Bosnian. I wasn't ever just gonna call. The first amount of conversation that needs to be had, it needs to be thought through. So it was always going to be through letters. And then that way I could describe what I was up to and just go through that whole process. And she also then has the time to respond. She has the opportunity to not respond. Feels a little bit more consensual for the both of us in terms of what, thinking and having that space to digest as well.

[Anna Sinfield]

So Layla initiated contact by sending letters. First, she would write the letters in English, and then she'd get them translated to Bosnian and send both copies.

[Layla Damon]

The letter contact's very much talking about what I was studying at uni and what my interests are and so on.

[Anna Sinfield]

And what was it? You know, obviously, I can imagine your first letter, you'd send it with a, this has been my life. You know, I'd love to meet up with you. But getting the response from her, I guess you didn't know if it was going to be positive or negative.

[Layla Damon]

Yeah, and it was positive. You know, it was, we're so glad that you have this life. Say thank you to your parents. And it was very positive. And then she spoke about where she's living, who she's living with, you know, what her life looks like. So there was this kind of exchange of, here's where I am, and here's where you are. And because you have to start from the beginning, you know.

[Anna Sinfield]

Yeah, this was huge for Laila. Remember, the only words she'd ever heard from her mother were those devastating ones from that 1992 video clip now getting this positive response. It was everything. Laila shared this news with Ina, the only person that she really felt could understand what she was going through.

[Layla Damon]

I said to Ina, you know, I know where my birth mom is. And she basically said, would you like to meet your birth mom? And I was like, yes, I would, I would like to meet her. By this point we'd had quite, I wanna say, at least a year or two years of lesser contact. And so Ina said she'd go and meet my birth mom for me because she'd already met me, so she could vouch on my behalf to say, Leila would like to meet you. I've met her. It's quite a big ask. So it's not something that you just wann asking. Yeah, through Long Form Medium. And Ina went to go and meet her and Ina showed her pictures of me and she said yes.

[Anna Sinfield]

Laila was delighted her mum wanted to meet her. But there was one big practical obstacle. She needed an interpreter. And not just any interpreter. This was a really emotional, potentially triggering, incredibly sensitive situation that needed someone who could truly grasp what was at stake. And that's when Ina stepped up to be that person. The bridge between Laila and her birth mother. Laila, along with her parents, flew to Bosnia for that life changing first meeting.

[Layla Damon]

The first meeting with my mum. I stayed at Ina's the night before. I wore a Zara Coord navy blue trouser and T shirt with Adidas trainers. And I. I remember it so clearly because I wasn't sure what to wear.

[Anna Sinfield]

What do you wear for a moment like that? There's no Cosmopolitan articles about that.

[Layla Damon]

Just don't know what pipe. It's just not so. I wasn't sure what to wear. Edit changed outfits many times. Ina was nervous. I could tell she was nervous because ultimately she could understand how I was feeling as a child born out of sexual violence, but also knowing how hard it must be for my birth mum. It wasn't tension in a negative way, but let's say everyone was holding something. My parents bought flowers, I'd got flowers. My mum had taken pictures of how I was when I was like a kid so she could show. And then we went up to the top floor of this very long apartment building. So right at the top the lift was very slow and I distinctly remember ultimately getting to the door and everyone was taking their shoes off to go in. And Ina went in first and then my parents followed and then I was the last one to go in. You know, my mom hugged my Biological mom. My dad hugged my biological mom. And then I seen my biological mom and we were. And I went up to her and I gave her a hug, and then we started crying and then there was more hugging and just holding. And then we pulled away and then we went and kind of sat down in the living room. There were two sofas, so my parents sat on one. I sat next to Ina and we just had a lot of coffee and a lot of cake and a lot of chatting and it went well. But it did feel like quite. I remember definitely feeling quite anxious throughout the whole thing.

[Anna Sinfield]

I think that's understandable.

[Layla Damon]

Like, it was lovely. And I really hope ultimately, the relationship that I still have and now have with my birth mum gives us both a sense of peace and healing in terms of that continued respect, love and gratitude for the decisions that were made. Yeah.

[Anna Sinfield]

That's amazing. And how's your relationship with Bosnia itself changed since kind of meeting your birth mother?

[Layla Damon]

Yeah, it's so different. Like, I'm so grateful to have a relationship with Bosnia as a country, but also because of the healing that has come from that girl that I described as being isolated, I feel less isolated and more connected.

[Anna Sinfield]

Yeah. Yeah. It sounds like you never fully disconnected from Bosnia.

[Layla Damon]

No.

[Anna Sinfield]

And I think a lot of people would understand if, after meeting your birth mom, obviously, kind of going over to Bosnia a fair amount, if you decided that that circle had been closed and you moved on, but you've been doing way more activism since. Right.

[Layla Damon]

I think for me, ultimately, what the aim is and the goal is is that, firstly, I don't want any other children born out of sexual violence to feel completely isolated and alone. Also, children born out of sexual violence have educational barriers, barriers to identification cards, barriers and stigmatization. So for countries that are going and experiencing war, like Ukraine, for instance, how can we already look at policies, laws and practices to try and look at where post conflict, when the conflict does end, you know, how do we support those children born out of sexual violence? Because I think that's the thing that we can do practically. You know, there are still days in which you don't feel great about yourself, or there's still things that you feel ashamed of, or there are still things that you're working through that just doesn't finish. Because also, it's still a topic that people don't feel comfortable talking about. There's still a major taboo over it. So those children do become invisible. Yeah. How do we help future children born out of sexual violence so they don't have the. I'M going to Google children born out of sexual violence and find nothing.

[Anna Sinfield]

Leila has taken the silence, the stigma and the invisibility of her story and created real change. She's not just advocating for recognition, but rather she's actively shaping the narrative and demanding that these children, some of whom are now adults, are seen, heard and supported. And that's the real impact. Leila and Ina are fighting to give a voice to children like them, proving that your history, even from the darkest points, doesn't define you. And their advocacy and raising awareness around this topic has actually started to pay off. For the first time in 2023, discussions of children born of sexual violence during war was a specific agenda point on the US Institute of Peace Summit in Washington.

[Layla Damon]

They're the small wins. Right before, it was not talked about. And finally there was a whole panel discussion on children born out of sexual violence. And you're like, yes, yes, because we're creating dialogue, even though people don't have all the answers, we're not going to solve everything. But that was a huge moment. Progress is slow, societal change is slow. We keep moving forward because it is 100% right thing to do. It is 100% needed. And then ultimately, when me, Ina, and all children born out of sexual violence from Bosnia won the Oslo Human Rights Award, that was huge. That was really. I remember Ina telling me, and then I just burst into tears. That's exactly where I am now. I just burst into tears. I was like, oh, wow. And what it is, is it's the feeling of being seen, which is phenomenal. Finally being seen after so long, it's such a powerful thing. And especially for children that are defined as invisible, it feels like that's what

[Anna Sinfield]

so much of this story boils down to, isn't it? It's like being seen and being seen by each other as well. Finding that community.

[Layla Damon]

Yeah.

[Anna Sinfield]

And so therefore, seeing yourself, seeing yourself,

[Layla Damon]

working on, loving yourself, like working on all of these things that, you know, regardless of your history, heritage or background, it's not exactly easy. But feeling seen, having a sense of belonging, you know, all of it. But I have had incredible amounts of love. I'm fully aware of that and I'm very lucky and grateful.

[Anna Sinfield]

We all need to be seen and see ourselves reflected in the world around us. It doesn't have to be in some big way. Like this story last night, my best mate of 25 years said to me over dinner, oh, but you've always been like that. And it was enough to remind me that I'm not going mad and I slept better last night for it. But Layla and Ina's story also proves just how much two friends with a shared mission can do. Back in 2018, Ina started an organization called the Forgotten Children of War that focuses on securing legal and social recognition for children born out of war. As for Layla, she's a trustee of Grace International, a charity based in the UK that promotes long term reconciliation and advocacy for children born out of war as well. The two of them continue to work side by side, fighting for justice and visibility. What began as two women connecting on a hot summer's day in Bosnia has blossomed into a formidable alliance. They're spreading the comfort they've found in each other across the globe, helping others feel less alone because there's a couple of girlfriends out there rooting for them. And honestly, if that's not what this podcast is about, then I don't know what is. If you've enjoyed this conversation, you can find loads more incredible women on our feed. Do check them out and please do spread the word and tell your friends about us. We want as many people as possible to be part of the Girlfriends gang. Next time on the Girlfriend Spotlight. Rosamund clears the air.

[Layla Damon]

The coroner was very clear. If it wasn't for the air around Lewisham where Ella lived, not only would she not have got asthma, but she wouldn't have died on that fatal night.

[Anna Sinfield]

This season we're supporting the charity Womankind Worldwide. They do amazing work to help women's rights organizations and movements to strengthen and grow. If you'd like to find out more or donate to help them secure equal rights for women and girls across the globe, you can go to womankind.org UK. The Girlfriend Spotlight is produced by novel for iHeart podcast. For more from Novel, visit Novel Audio. The show is hosted by me, Anna Sinfield. This episode was written and produced by Al Shar Barney. Our assistant producer is Lucy Carr. Our researcher is Zayana Yusuf. The editor is Hannah Marshall. Max o' Brien and Craig Strachan are our executive producers. Production management from Joe Savage, Cherie Houston and Charlotte Wolf. Sound design, mixing and scoring by Nicholas Alexander and Daniel Kempson. Music supervision by Jake, Nicholas Alexander and Anna Sinfield. Original music composed by Louisa Gerstein and Gemma Freeman. The series artwork was designed by Christina Lemkuhl. Willard Foxton is Creative Director of Development and special thanks to Katrina Norvell, Carrie Lieberman and Will Pearson at iheart Podcasts as well as Carly Frankel and the whole team at wm.

[Laura Vanderkam]

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