The Girlfriends: Spotlight, E7: Eilís Runs the Ball Barn

Summary

The Girlfriends: Spotlight, E7: Eilís Runs the Ball Barn – Detailed Summary

Introduction

In Episode 7 of Season 3 of The Girlfriends: Jailhouse Lawyer, titled "Eilís Runs the Ball Barn," listeners are taken on an intimate and gripping journey into the lives of Eilís (Eilish) and Willow, two trans women who revolutionized trans healthcare through grassroots efforts. This episode delves deep into their personal struggles, the establishment of their clandestine clinic, and the broader implications for the trans community in accessing medical care.

Setting the Stage: Early Struggles and Personal Motivations

The episode opens with Eilish and Willow preparing for a significant medical procedure in their mother's living room in Philadelphia. The intensity of the moment is palpable as Eilish describes the harrowing experience of performing an orchiectomy on herself with Willow's assistance:

Eilish [03:22]: "We’re about to do an orchiectomy, a surgery to remove my testicles. Strap in. It’s about to get intense and graphic."

This self-surgery experience catalyzed their commitment to providing accessible and affordable gender-affirming surgeries for other trans women. Eilish recounts her tumultuous past in the early '90s, highlighting the lack of support and the challenges faced during her transition:

Eilish [06:42]: "Early '90s transition was difficult. Some of them were assholes, some of them weren’t. I was kicked out of the house with nowhere to go."

Formation of a Sisterhood and Founding the Clinic

Eilish's bond with Jenny, her adoptive trans mother, provided the stability and support needed to embark on their mission. Jenny's creation of a mailing list for trans youth became the foundation for their network:

Jenny [07:11]: "There was no one there for me. I wanted to make sure that kids didn’t have to go through the same pain that I went through."

Meeting Willow, a recent medical graduate, was a turning point. Despite Willow's lack of formal training in surgeries, her resourcefulness and commitment enabled them to perform their first orchiectomy:

Eilish [09:43]: "Would you like to look? I’ll buy all the supplies. Everything will be grand."

The first surgery was fraught with complications, including equipment failure that nearly jeopardized Eilish's life:

Eilish [04:51]: "I hear, oh, shit, that ain’t good. The electric cautery pen’s dead."

Overcoming Adversity: Establishing the Trans Health Initiative

Despite the initial setback, Eilish and Willow persisted, learning from their mistakes and improving their methods. The partnership culminated in relocating to the Pacific Northwest, where they converted a tractor shed into the headquarters of the Trans Health Initiative. This move symbolized their transition from desperate DIY efforts to a more organized and scalable operation:

Eilish [25:04]: "We are living in a rented farmhouse… we were just banging this out. Willow found old medical equipment on eBay."

Their clinic operated under the radar, offering low-cost orchiectomies and other gender-affirming surgeries. Eilish meticulously describes the process, emphasizing the personal touch and support they provided to each patient:

Eilish [28:00]: "We would say, here’s script for Vicodin and Moxicillin. You take the Vicodin in front of us… I would hold your hand and tell you very long stories to keep you calm."

Challenges with Authorities and Maintaining Secrecy

The clandestine nature of their clinic inevitably attracted the attention of health authorities. A tense encounter with the Board of Health nearly exposed their operations, but Eilish's quick thinking and assertive stance prevented a full investigation:

Eilish [37:32]: "I started saying, hey, you know, guys, I wouldn’t be doing this if the board of health actually treated trans folks fairly… They got really uncomfortable… They went away."

This narrow escape underscored the systemic barriers trans individuals face in accessing healthcare and the constant vigilance required to maintain such underground operations.

Impact and Legacy

Over 18 months, Eilish and Willow performed approximately 14 surgeries, providing crucial medical services to trans women who otherwise had limited options. Their efforts not only offered physical transformations but also empowered their patients, fostering a sense of community and resilience:

Eilish [41:03]: "I enjoyed the look in the eyes of other trans women when they realized that there were no CIS folks involved… If we can do this shit."

However, the emotional toll of running the clinic led to burnout, prompting them to close their operations after nearly two years. Despite the closure, the legacy of the Trans Health Initiative endures as a testament to grassroots activism and mutual aid within marginalized communities.

Reflections and Broader Implications

Eilish reflects on the ongoing struggles trans individuals face in the medical system, highlighting persistent discrimination and the need for continued self-reliance and community support:

Eilish [44:21]: "Be the cockroach. Cockroaches are very hard to kill… Learn what you need to survive and do the work you need to do."

She emphasizes the importance of small, manageable actions in effecting change, advocating for a decentralized approach to solving systemic problems.

Conclusion

Episode 7 of The Girlfriends: Jailhouse Lawyer offers a compelling narrative of resilience, ingenuity, and solidarity. Through Eilish and Willow's story, listeners gain insight into the dire necessity of accessible healthcare for trans individuals and the lengths to which communities must sometimes go to secure their basic human rights. The episode not only honors their contributions but also serves as a call to action for continued support and advocacy for marginalized groups.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Eilish [03:22]: "We’re about to do an orchiectomy, a surgery to remove my testicles. Strap in. It’s about to get intense and graphic."
• Eilish [06:42]: "Early '90s transition was difficult. Some of them were assholes, some of them weren’t. I was kicked out of the house with nowhere to go."
• Jenny [07:11]: "There was no one there for me. I wanted to make sure that kids didn’t have to go through the same pain that I went through."
• Eilish [09:43]: "Would you like to look? I’ll buy all the supplies. Everything will be grand."
• Eilish [37:32]: "I started saying, hey, you know, guys, I wouldn’t be doing this if the board of health actually treated trans folks fairly… They got really uncomfortable… They went away."
• Eilish [41:03]: "I enjoyed the look in the eyes of other trans women when they realized that there were no CIS folks involved… If we can do this shit."
• Eilish [44:21]: "Be the cockroach. Cockroaches are very hard to kill… Learn what you need to survive and do the work you need to do."

Final Thoughts

This episode poignantly captures the intersection of personal struggle and community activism. Eilish and Willow's unwavering dedication to providing essential healthcare services highlights the profound impact that determined individuals can have in combating systemic injustices. The Girlfriends: Spotlight continues to illuminate the stories of women making significant strides in their respective fields, inspiring listeners to recognize and support the often-overlooked heroes within marginalized communities.

Transcript

[Eilish]

This is an iHeart podcast tired of.

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[Eilish]

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[Willow]

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[Eesh]

Hey, girlfriends. I just wanted to give you a heads up that this episode includes conversations about transphobia and descriptions of state violence against trans people. There's also some pretty graphic explanations of some surgical procedures if you're feeling squeamish about that kind of thing. And as per usual, we'll be swearing if you do listen, you'll hear the incredible story of how two trans women formed a clinic in a tractor shed to help others and pay their rent. If you don't, though, no worries. There's plenty more episodes for you to listen to. It's morning in Philadelphia, usa. Sometime in the early noughties, Eesh and Willow are getting ready for something big.

[Eilish]

Willow's like, all right, where are we doing this? And I'm like, my bedroom. And she's like, we are not doing this in your bedroom. And I'm like, why not? And she's like, because I need to position myself between your legs. There is no place for me to do that in your bedroom. For doing it in the reclining chair.

[Eesh]

Eesh and Willow are sisters. They weren't born as sisters, but they've chosen each other. E lives with another member of her queer family, Jenny, who she calls her adoptive trans mum. And Jenny has a favorite chair.

[Eilish]

She loves this reclining chair. She sits in this reclining chair all the time.

[Eesh]

That's the reclining chair in question. It's situated in their mother's living room, which is notably not sterile. And this matters because what the sisters are about to do is an orchiectomy, a surgery to remove Eisha's testicles. Yes, girlfriends, we're going there. So strap in. It's about to get intense and graphic.

[Eilish]

So we create a sterile feel. We run the pressure cooker for the autoclave.

[Eesh]

An autoclave is basically a steam cleaner on steroids. And the pressure cooker, well, that's the thing your nan uses to cook her beef stew. But what is actually important to know is that Willow is a recent medical graduate and she's got Eileesh juiced up on anesthetics. Thank God. Legs akimbo in this treasured reclining chair.

[Eilish]

I'm like, lying there in pain because it's a weird feeling. She's about halfway through, and then I hear, oh, shit, that ain't good. I'm like, what? She's like, hold on a second. The electric cautery pen's dead.

[Eesh]

That's a medical device that's used to stop bleeding. And so it's really the last thing that should stop working.

[Jenny]

Oh, no.

[Eilish]

This gets so much worse. So much worse.

[Eesh]

Spoiler alert. Eesh is right. This surgery does not go well at all. But it would be the first of many. E and Willow would go on to help other trans women get the medical care they desperately needed. And they'd do it not from their mother's living room in Philadelphia, but from a remote tractor shed in the Pacific Northwest. This shed would become the headquarters of the Trans Health Initiative and the stuff of legend. Foreign I'm Anna Sinfield, and from the teams at Novel and iHeart podcasts, this is the Girlfriend Spotlight, where we tell stories of women winning today. Eilish runs the ball barn.

[Eilish]

I got you.

[Eesh]

I got you. Before we get into what happened during Esh's surgery about to go very wrong, let's wind back to the early 90s. E loner was a punk running with a riot girl crew. And when she came out as trans, the reaction was mixed.

[Eilish]

Early 90s transition was difficult. Some of them were assholes, some of them weren't. Some of the people in my family did not necessarily approve, and I was kicked out of the house with nowhere to go.

[Eesh]

She needed to find a new crew and a new home. But this was before social media existed. In its stead were mailing lists on ancient text messaging systems. And when she was around 20, Alicia got on one for trans kids run by a woman named Jenny.

[Eilish]

You know, we used to joke that Jenny knew all the trans kids on the Internet. We were all on her mailing list. And the reason why she did it was because, you know, when she was coming up, there was no one there for her. She had transitioned in like the early 80s, so she wanted to make sure that kids didn't have to go through the same pain that she went through.

[Eesh]

How does that end up evolving into a real in person relationship?

[Eilish]

I went and called Jenny up and I'm like, jenny, kicked out of the house. And she's like, fine, you can sleep on my sofa. But only for like a couple of weeks.

[Eesh]

Thanks, Jenny.

[Eilish]

I slept on her sofa and I actually started paying bills because I got a job almost immediately. And she's like, fine, you can stay.

[Eesh]

Oh. So it kind of became like a mutual aid.

[Eilish]

Oh, yeah, it was absolutely mutual aid. She was older, she had health problems, so, you know, I would cook and clean and stuff for her. And she kind of became my adopted trans mom.

[Eesh]

When Eileesh started down what was a very long road to get official gender affirming health care, Jenny knew what shortcuts.

[Eilish]

To take I called up Jenny and she's like, there's a doctor in South Philadelphia just go to. And every month I would go pay. I think it was $40 to go get an injection. Like, people would go on what's called meximone trips, where a friend of theirs would go to Mexico for a holiday, come back with an entire suitcase full of estrogen because you could get it over the count. Yay. So how was the process? You know, sneaky.

[Eesh]

Enter Willow. We're not using her real name, by the way, for safety reasons, but she was that DIY living room surgeon. She was also one of Jenny's trans kids.

[Eilish]

So she had just graduated from medical school and was in her internship. She was going to come visit Jenny, and I was walking home and there's this piece of shit Camaro out front. God, she was notorious for buying shit cars. I'm like, how the hell is that thing even on the road? Walk into the house and there's Willow. And then we just became friends.

[Eesh]

Alicia just got laid off as a software developer. This was way before big tech and the dot com bubble had just burst.

[Eilish]

I had a whole lot of time and I had fuck all to do. I'd been on eight years of spironolactone, which is it reduces the amount of testosterone that's uptaked into your body. I hated being on that drug.

[Eesh]

Was it uncomfortable to be on the drug?

[Eilish]

You have to pee constantly. And I just wanted off of it, right? And I'm like, hey, Willow, got a question for you. So orchiectomies, how hard are orchiectomies? And orchiectomies are removal of the testicles. Now, there's two ways that they do this. One is through the belly, and that is not something that's normally done. The other, much more common, is through the scrotal sac. And Willow's like, it's not that hard. I was just like, have you ever done one? No. Would you like to look? I'll buy all the supplies. Everything will be grand. And she's like, let me think about it. She gets back to me, like a week later. She shows up and comes out with like a two or three page photocopy. I'm like, what's that? And she's like, how to do the damn thing? I'm like, okay. So we go. And the next morning, we wake up early. Now I'm living in Jenny's house. Jenny knows that we're going to do this. She's like, you're gonna screw yourself up. Ah, we can't. No. Hold my beer.

[Eesh]

You know what they say. Mom is always right. Because we know exactly how this goes down. E leash in Jenny's recliner chair. And Willow, with the electrocautery pen in hand, that's just stopped working.

[Eilish]

She's like, okay, so we have a few choices here. I can stitch you up, bring you to the hospital, and, you know, they'll do whatever. I can stitch you up, and we'll come back at this another day. Or I can just keep going. And I'm like, I am not going through this again. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like, okay, if we do, you have to be real careful. And I'm like, will do. So she continues the surgery. Now, the best part of the story was after the surgery, we had all cleaned up, and Jenny, she comes downstairs and she's hungry. Now, one of the things about these surgeries is there's leftovers. Oh, what do you do with the leftovers?

[Eesh]

Probably leave them on her recliner chair.

[Eilish]

No, no, no, no. I stuck them in a Ziploc bag because I'm gonna. I'm gonna make a Lucite block outfit. A paperweight. That's gonna be hysterical. So I stuck them in the freezer. Jenny walks down, and she's like, are you okay? And I'm like, oh, I'm grand. Jenny walks over to the freezer, and she's like, there's any of the taquitos left? And she pulls out the Ziploc bag, and she's looking at it. She's like, what is this, some of your hippie food? And I'm like, jenny, put those back. And she looks at him, and she screams and drops them on the floor. Storms over to a reclining chair, flops herself in it, and she's like, you better have cleaned up your room after this. Willow's, like, out the door, and she just kind of snorts, and I just glare at her. Jenny's like, what? I just looked at her reclining chair, and she's like, for fuck's sake. I will never be able to eat anything out of the freezer, and I don't even want to be sitting in this chair now. I'm like, I love you. Please don't murder me.

[Eesh]

Oh, my God. You really were her child.

[Eilish]

Oh, God. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, most orchiectomies are done for CIS men who have testicular cancer, right? So the way they teach you how to do the bandage is you wrap the scrotal sac around the penis Problem. If you are a trans woman who's been on estrogen for a certain amount of time, that is not going to work. So Willow did the wrapping the way that the book said. And like, the next day, the wrapping just falls apart.

[Eesh]

Next thing Eileesh knows she's got the mother of all infections. So she books it to the emergency room in desperate need of some official medical assistance.

[Eilish]

There's this thing that emergency departments will sometimes do, which is called Gomer, get out of my emergency room.

[Eesh]

The staff basically tell Eileesh to get lost.

[Eilish]

The triage nurse was like, yeah, this is obviously drug seeking behavior. And I'm like, penicillin. I don't even care if you give me painkillers. All I want are antibiotics. I obviously had an infection. And, like, the security guard pushed me out of there.

[Eesh]

They didn't even kind of look.

[Eilish]

No, no, no, no.

[Eesh]

My God.

[Eilish]

About four days later, I couldn't sit up. So Jenny was like, you are going to the hospital now. Put on some clothes. I couldn't get jeans on. She had brought me this, like, you know, the 90s, flowing hippie skirts. So I put one of those on. She gets me in her car, drives me to the em. Like, the nurse is asking me, when was the last time you had your period? And I'm like, I've never had one. She's like, why? And I just went flip the skirt up. And she just looks and she's like, okay, Percocet or morphine? And I'm like, morphine, please. And they had to go and they had to debride the wound and clean everything out. And it was not pleasant. But I was in there for seven days. Wow. Yeah. Like, the doctor was like, yeah, had you come in later, you would have died.

[Eesh]

That's wild. And then on like a personal level, you were coming out of that emergency room in deep, deep pain.

[Eilish]

Oh, yeah.

[Eesh]

And you weren't getting the care, like the basic love and humanity that should be awarded to anybody who goes into one of these institutions.

[Eilish]

I didn't want love or humanity. I wanted fucking antibiotics. I didn't want to die. And the reality is, at that hospital, because of how they treated me in the emergency room, I was very reluctant to go the second time. I almost died because of that. And this is not abnormal. It's this thing that trans folks have been dealing with for years. There has been, for as long as I've been alive, a reluctance for trans people to trust the medical profession. Because the fact is, the medical profession abuses us. They abuse us through their standards of care, by treating us like children, by assuming that we need their psychosexual history bullshit in order to get the medical stuff we need in order to live our lives.

[Eesh]

It was common in the 90s and still today, for trans people to face invasive questions around things like their sexual experiences, to even get evaluated for healthcare.

[Eilish]

And then even after that, they're still treating you like crap. And this is not unusual for any person who's either a sexual minority, a racial minority, because doctors are not immune from society, right?

[Eesh]

Luckily, Eilish did manage to access the treatment she needed before it was too.

[Eilish]

Late, and that was that. I had to have the wound packed for two months. It was not pleasant and you know, we went well, live and learn. I survived all strand.

[Eesh]

But that experience is yet another confirmation that as a trans woman, there are no guarantees that medical institutions will keep you safe.

[Eilish]

I have literally had Willow give me stitches before I would go to a doctor again.

[Eesh]

Willow herself is actually about to start a residency to become an abortion doctor. And she hears some stories about a group of women in late 60s, early 70s Chicago. They're called the Jane Collective.

[Eilish]

And what they did was they provided abortions for people who needed it. They did this knowing full well that abortion was illegal and they had to be real sneaky about it. And Willow's like, I got an idea. These people are cool as shit. We should do something like that for trans folks.

[Eesh]

After the break, Willow and Eilish do do something like that for trans folks.

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[Eesh]

After that fateful orchiectomy Willow and E both move to the Pacific Northwest. Willow's new abortion residency is based out there. And E is following a then girlfriend who's craving the quiet life. It's a beautiful place. Imagine rugged coastlines, lush tall forests and towering mountains. If you've ever watched the Twilight movies, you kind of know the landscape. More timber than tech.

[Eilish]

Yeah, there's not a lot of programmer jobs out here. If I wanted to go be a logger, I could do that, but I really don't want to go be a logger. So what am I going to do here? I'm like outside talking to Willow one day and I'm just like, you know, we're running out of money. And Willow was like, well, do you think you can do electrolysis? Electrolysis is the old way that we use to remove hair.

[Eesh]

Electrolysis uses a small electric current to permanently destroy hair follicles. It can take anywhere between 50 to 500 hours of treatment to get the job done. That's basically a full time job for Eilish.

[Eilish]

I'm like, oh, I'm sure I could figure it out. And she's like, all right, here's what I'll do. I'm going to buy you an electrolysis machine. Practice on yourself. What we can do is I can start a clinica will offer orchiectomies for low cost and when folks come for an orchiectomy, they can stay here and you can do like electro on them.

[Eesh]

All power to them. They're diving headfirst into permanent hair removal and orchiectomies, which are surgeries to remove testicles. That's two major health care options that they can offer their community. But trans people are one of the communities in the US who are most likely to experience discrimination in housing and employment. Many simply can't afford the healthcare that they need. And especially back then when an orchiectomy at a regular Clinic was about $2,500 for a 45 minute procedure, what Eilish and Willow want to do is provide these operations on the cheap. Charging on a sliding scale from 0 to $500, which is a big deal.

[Eilish]

I'm like, that actually doesn't sound like a bad idea. And she was like, well, you know, I figured out the problems with my orchectomy and kind of what we did wrong. First is, you know, instead of doing that really screwed up wrapping situation, we do a compression bandage against the body. And second, we put in drains. Third, we give people prophylactic antibiotics, which is like the smart thing to do. And you know, they got checkups twice during their stay. So they had stay for seven days just in the area. And Willow would go and check up on them and change bandages and stuff. I'm like, that sounds fine.

[Eesh]

Can you walk us through the process of setting up the clinic and building it?

[Eilish]

So we had no idea where we were going to build a damn thing. We had no idea. So we are living in a rented farmhouse in the middle of the the Olympics in Washington state on a 256 acre farm that the owner still lives on the farm, his son still lives on the farm. So we're kind of doing things right underneath our landlord's nose. And we're like, okay, where are we going to build this? And Willow was like, well, there's this tractor shed that you have now. A tractor shed for those who don't know, is a three sided building with a roof and it's where you park tractors and farm implements. So the week before our first surgery, we're just banging this out. I learned how to tile that week. Willow had been, she'll go on ebay and find old medical equipment. So like this electric pottery from the 80s that's like insanely huge, but still works. We had an autoclave, an entire procedure table. It was swank, you know, it was not like, you know, shady, shady done in a hotel room. This was pretty swank.

[Eesh]

Yeah. Because when you say a tractor shed, I'm picturing something really kind of farmyard animals around you.

[Eilish]

No, I know the guy who moved in after me and he used it as his office and I guess now it's used as an FDA chicken slaughtering room.

[Eesh]

Oh, gosh.

[Eilish]

FDA certified chicken slaughtering room, which I find hysterical.

[Eesh]

I feel like there's a joke in there somewhere, but I just can't believe it.

[Eilish]

There is absolutely a joke in there and I'll not make it. But I will allow so many other people to make it.

[Eesh]

After only a week of tractor shed renovations, the Trans Health Initiative is ready for its first surgery.

[Eilish]

Her first patient was a friend of mine. You know, everything went perfectly fine.

[Eesh]

The word spreads fast and they open their doors to more patients, but cautiously.

[Eilish]

I was probably a little bit more paranoid than I really needed to be. But you know, we were doing this without medical insurance because it wasn't a requirement. And honestly, we couldn't afford it without business license, which we didn't need because we made less than 14,000 a year. So we were doing this like real under the radar, real quiet, right under everyone's noses.

[Eesh]

Yes, the clinic's under the radar, and it started off as a bit of a DIY mission, but the whole thing is actually totally above board.

[Eilish]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Perfectly legal. You know, I am following all the guidelines set upon me by the Board of Health and the laws of sc.

[Eesh]

So if I were a patient and I've just arrived, can you kind of take me through what's happening to me?

[Eilish]

Sure. So we're actually going to start earlier. You would email me, and I would kind of email you back, and I'd kind of do a sniff test, because there were some people who were not trans women asking for this. I had one guy, he was like, I have cheated with my brother's wife, and he will not trust me again unless I am castrated. And if you do not do this, I will do this to myself. And, like, look, you know, I'm all for body autonomy, but that's not what I'm set up for, man. I can't help you. And then I would ask you for a letter from a therapist. Then I would call up Willow and say, okay, I got a patient in. When are you free? And she'd look at her calendar and give me a free date. And I'm like, okay, you were to show up at this date here, wear comfortable shoes, because it's a gravel driveway and it's in the middle of the Oregon Coast Range. It rains a lot. I had someone show up in stilettos, and I was like, oh, honey, wrong footwear.

[Eesh]

I kind of love it.

[Eilish]

Yeah. What would happen is you'd show up, Willow would give you a quick medical examination. She would talk to you and go, you know what the surgery entails, you know the risks of it. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, it was kind of amazing because you see trans women at their most vulnerable and their most scared and they're most empowered at the same time. We would say, okay, here's script for Vicodin.

[Eesh]

That's a drug used to treat moderate to severe pain.

[Eilish]

And then here's a script for Moxicillin.

[Eesh]

That's a penicillin antibiotic for the aftermath.

[Eilish]

You're gonna go into town, and you're gonna bring that all back, and you're gonna take the Vicodin in front of us. They'd get back, they'd take it in front of us, and we'd say, okay, time to get undressed. And we'd start the procedure. And my job during the procedure was to hold your hand and tell you very long stories in a very, very radio announcer Voice. And sometimes I would tell jokes. They would be very long, very boring jokes. My repertoire of dad jokes is amazing because I had to talk like this and make sure that you were nice and calm and not paying attention to the fact that both your testicles were being removed through a small hole in your scrotum.

[Eesh]

Okay, give me an example. I'm a patient.

[Eilish]

Okay, ready? So Mushroom walks into a bar and says, hey, bartender, I'd like a drink. The bartender looks at the mushroom and says, no, get out of here. We don't serve your kind. The mushroom goes, hey, why not? I'm a fun guy. Like, these were not good jokes. They were not designed to be good. They were designed to keep your attention.

[Eesh]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it worked. And your voice is very soothing.

[Eilish]

Oh, I had to learn the soothing voice because, again, things being pulled through parts of your body that aren't generally supposed to be pulled through.

[Eesh]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to be soothed.

[Eilish]

Yeah, you're feeling it. And then when we hit the electric artery, you're smelling it, too.

[Eesh]

Oh, no.

[Eilish]

Yeah. No. And that is not necessarily good. Smell. Something's cooking.

[Eesh]

Yeah. Bodily.

[Eilish]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eesh]

E. Leesh and Willow had certainly come a long way from their disastrous first orchiectomy. They're doing good, clean medical work.

[Eilish]

Zero infections. Zero infections.

[Eesh]

There you go. Were the. The authorities interested in what you guys were doing with the clinic?

[Eilish]

They weren't at first. Now, what had happened was said woman who showed up in the stilettos went back to her doctor, and her doctor was examining her and says, oh, you got an orchiectomy? She's like, yes. And he said, where'd you get that? It's very nice work. And she said, up a logging road in a barn with two trans women. Now, while technically correct, when a physician hears this, what he's going to do is he's going to call the board of health. And I had geese. And the geese start cracking away. I'm like, what the hell's going on? Because that sounds like someone's coming up to drive. And I look out, and there's a blue Ford Taurus. Now, for your listeners in the late 90s, early 2000s, if you see a blue or black or ground Ford Taurus, that's a cop car. That is a government car. So I went, what the fuck? And then I see this kind of gouty older woman get out of the car in this tall, skinny bean pole of a man, and they're in their kind of crumpled government clothes, and I'm like, that is not FBI. Those are not cops. They are not dressed like detectives. That is dressed like bureaucrat. I come out to the porch and I go can I help you? And they go, we're looking for Willow. I'm like why are you looking for Willow? She's like, we're here to examine the clinic.

[Eesh]

After the break, the fate of the clinic hangs in the balance between the Board of Health and and a potentially incriminating plastic cup filled with balls.

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[Anna Sinfield]

What do stuff they don't want you to know. Buried bones and betrayal have in common. These hosts are all headed to the Caribbean for the first ever true crime voyage on award winning kid. Free Virgin voyages and you're invited book [e-mail] truecrime.

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[Eilish]

Got you.

[Eesh]

I've got you, got you. I've got you. The Board of Health has just arrived on Eesha's doorstep.

[Eilish]

I go back into the house And I page Willow911. She's like, what? You just got me out of something at work that I need to be in. And I'm like, well, the Board of health is here and they would like to examine the clinic. She's like, really? And I'm like, yeah, really. And Willow says, all right, just show em the place.

[Eesh]

The night before, it had rained something fierce. It was muddy and slippery. So Eileesh and Willow had to carry their patient into the house to recover. She was a bit of a lightweight and was passed out on Vicodin. Some of the cleanup could surely wait until the next morning when the Board of health had come knocking.

[Eilish]

So I go out and I'm like, follow me. Wipe your feet on the mat. Do not track mud into my clinic. So I wipe my feet, I go into the clinic, they walk in, muddy feet, okay, this is bureaucrats trying to show my place. I get it, I get it. So I walk in, they're like, where do you keep the narcotics? And I'm like, what narcotics? You use narcotics for this? And I'm like, yeah, we do. And what happens is they Get a script and they go into town and then they take in front of us. Well, where do you keep the script pads? We don't. The doctor brings script pad with her, takes it away. Autoclave logs are here. These are my autoclave batch test strip numbers. Here you go. And they're like, business license. And I'm like, we don't make more than 14, but I also do electrolysis. There's the business license, everything.

[Eesh]

They challenge her on E. Leesh has the perfect answer to.

[Eilish]

They have me kind of backed up into the room. And, like, all the way in the back was the cautery machine. And I looked to my right and I looked down, and there's a specimen cup. Oh, remember when I said this surgery has remains? Well, Lightweight from the night before wanted to keep her remains. And I'm like, great. And then she's like, but I need help into the house. So I helped her and I forgot the damn remains. And they're behind the electric artery. And I'm like, so government bureaucrats generally don't like dealing with us. And if you're trying to get them to go away, the easiest way to do is to raise your voice and say the word trans very loudly. I just started saying, hey, you know, guys, I wouldn't be doing this if the board of health actually treated trans folks fairly. And they're like, oh. They start stuttering, that's the wrong department. And I'm like, I don't care if it's wrong department. You guys are in my surgery for no apparent reason whatsoever. You've tracked mud in on the floor. You're giving me a bunch of grief. And like, you know, when are you guys going to start doing trans stuff fairly and trans, trans, trans, trans. And they got really uncomfortable looking. And I'm like, go away, go away, go away. You are not going to look behind the autoclave. You are not going to see the specimen cup with testicles in it. So they didn't see it, thank Christ. And they went away. And I grabbed the testicles and I go and I hand it to Lightweight. And I'm like, here, you forgot something. So months later, they ding us on one thing. They said, yes, the clinic was all perfectly legal, except there was mud on the floor of the surgery, the cheek.

[Eesh]

Even when the authorities were actively looking for mistakes, they couldn't find anything apart from the mud they dragged in themselves. The clinic was that professional and safe. And so Eesh and Willow are able to carry on in that converted tractor barn providing health care to trans women. From all over the country. What did you enjoy most about this whole clinic adventure?

[Eilish]

I enjoyed the look in the eyes of other trans women when they realized that there were no CIS folks involved, no trans masks involved, no one but other trans women involved, and that they could go and do this or something like this. Look, I'm an Irish American kid from Jersey. Willow's trashy and pickup driving, and if we can do this shit. Jesus, kids, you know, go get yourself a little bit of education and trust me, you're going to be grand. Just don't be afraid. Right? And that's the thing. Like, I think a lot of times trans women especially, we're afraid to kind of do things because if we get in trouble, we're fucked.

[Eesh]

How many of these surgeries did you guys do?

[Eilish]

I think it was around 14.

[Eesh]

Wow, that's amazing. The clinic closed its doors after 18 months. Willow and Eilish were burnt out, juggling multiple jobs and just needed a change.

[Eilish]

Doing trans healthcare is wonderful, but it's also kind of a drag, especially as a trans person. You can't emotionally distance yourself from that. After the clinic, we told no one for 20 years.

[Eesh]

Why?

[Eilish]

Um, you know, I'd love to say that we started the clinic up for noble reasons, but the reality is that I was poor and Willow wanted to help and I was like, oh, here's a way to actually be able to pay my rent and afford my box of Annie's Mac and Cheese that I eat once a day and, you know, be able to actually do something for folks.

[Eesh]

Yeah, I mean, affording your box of Annie's Mac and Cheese, obviously super important, but also, I mean, you were helping people, weren't you?

[Eilish]

It's.

[Eesh]

What you did was make care accessible.

[Eilish]

I never like focusing on that because, I don't know, I have complex feels about that because, like, you know, I don't think that there was some freaking saintly goal to it. I come from this entire punk ethos of not having heroes and hero worship makes me really uncomfortable. I am a dumb schlub from Jersey with a high school diploma that just figured this out and just was not afraid to get in trouble. The important things that people do were done in silence and they are done behind the scenes. And I never wanted kudos for this. Like, Willow still doesn't want kudos for this. She doesn't want to be known, period. And the reason why is because, you know, you help people because you're morally offended, because you cannot sit there and stand by and watch what is happening. I think what people are doing is way more important and should be celebrated more than the people themselves.

[Eesh]

Yeah. Celebrate the work.

[Eilish]

Yes.

[Eesh]

And those of us who like to celebrate people on the side can whisper your name quietly.

[Eilish]

It's going to make me feel weird, but whatever.

[Eesh]

Fair enough.

[Eilish]

Me and Willow have a phrase that we like to say, be the cockroach. Cockroaches are very hard to kill. They don't need a lot. They need a nice kind of warm place to sleep that's a little dark. They do a lot of things under the noses of, like, you know, those humans that are living in that nice little apartment in Williamsburg. You know, if you can learn what you need to survive and learn what you need to do to do the work you need to do and keep that as minimal as possible, there's a lot you can do. So instead of trying to do more and more and more, solve a problem that's in front of you, right? There was a problem in front of me. We could solve it easily. We built it in a fucking barn, for Christ's sake. It wasn't that difficult to do, you know, read the instruction book and there you go. But if you look at things as like, oh, my God, that problem's too big. No, no, no, it's not too big big. You're just trying to bite off too big of a chunk. Bite off little chunks, right? And that's how you de shidify the world.

[Eesh]

And you best believe the world still needs some serious de shittifying. It's around 20 years since E and Willow launched the Trans Health Initiative, and trans people need navigating. Medical institutions are still met with prejudice and hostility. The medical care that is available can still be invasive, hard to access, and involve traumatic psychological testing. E actually says that in the US it's worse now than she's ever seen it. Trans people's basic human rights are consistently trampled on, and the mainstream media is just amplifying those hateful voices. People are dying. So trans people do it like they've always done. Figure out a way to do it themselves and help each other do it. But you can help too. If you're a trans person in the States looking for resources or a CIS person interested in solidarity and mutual aid, we'll leave some links in the show notes. Girlfriends, we're stronger together. If you've enjoyed this conversation, you can find loads more incredible women on our feed. Do check them out. And please do spread the word and tell your friends about us. We want as many people as possible to be part of the girlfriend's gang. Next time on the Girlfriend Spotlight. Nadia punks the president.

[Eilish]

We were told that we are paid by Hillary Clinton to destroy Russia. They said that we cursed the entire.

[Eesh]

Country and thus we need to be burned at the stake. Some people said if we need to.

[Eilish]

Be whipped publicly on the red Quick.

[Eesh]

Hey, you've reached the girlfriend's hotline. You can leave your mini story after the tone.

[H]

Hi Anna and the Girlfriends team. When our daughter was young, one of my acting students became her nanny and became part of our family. Really, it was as if our daughter grew up with three parents, not two. Anyway, time passed and we had moved to a new city. And at that time, my partner was starting his very first day of his brand new job at the university. And I got booked for a film and television gig and I had to decide whether to take it or not. And I was talking to Supernanny on the other side of the country and I mentioned this dilemma of whether I should turn down the gig or not. And she said, oh, I'll come and take Cleo to her first day of grade one, no worries. And she got on a plane and she flew all the way from Toronto to the west coast of Canada. And she took Cleo to her first day of grade one in her new school, in her new city, in full hair and makeup with cupcakes and treats. And Cleo was as loved and safe on her first day of school as if I and my partner had taken her. Now that's a girlfriend.

[Eesh]

If you have your own story like the one you just heard and you'd like the whole Girlfriends gang to hear it, then please send it to us. You can record it as a Voice memo under 90 seconds, please, and email it straight to thegirlfriendsnovel Audio. Please don't include your name. We're keeping things a little anon. We want stories like that one time your bestie kindly told you your outfit was giving serious 2009 energy and lent you a new one. Or when she offered to babysit when you hadn't slept in days because your baby was up all night doing the terrible twos. Thank you, girlfriend. I want stories that are meaningful or silly. I want big, I want small. I'm desperate to hear them, so send them over. Right. I'll catch you later. Bye. This season the Girlfriend Spotlight is supporting the charity Womankind Worldwide. They do amazing work to help women's rights organizations and movements to strengthen and grow. If you'd like to find out more or donate to help them secure equal rights for women and girls across the globe. You can go to womankind.orguk the Girlfriend's Spotlight is produced by Novel for iHeart Podcasts. For more from Novel, visit Novel Audio. The show is hosted by me, Anna Sinfield. This episode was written and produced by Amalia Saltland. Our assistant producer is Lucy Carl. Our researcher is Zayana Youssef. Sensitivity checking and editorial support by Jesse Lou Lawson. The editor is Hannah Marshall. Max o' Brien and Craig Strachan are our executive producers. Production management from Joe Savage, Cherie Houston and Charlotte Wolf Sound design, mixing and scoring by Nicholas Alexander and Daniel Kempson Music supervision by Jay Kotajevich, Nicholas Alexander and Anna Sinfield Original music composed by Louisa Gerstein and Gemma Freeman. The series artwork was designed by Christina Lehmkul. Willard Foxton is Creative Director of Development and special thanks to Katrina Norvell, Carrie Lieberman and Will Pearson at iheart Podcasts as well as Carly Frankel and the whole team at wme Got I've got you, got you I've got this I got I've got you, got you, I've got you.

[Anna Sinfield]

Where's the best place to binge your favorite true crime podcast? On the edge of your seat or under the Caribbean sun on an award winning Virgin Voyages ship this October set sail on the first ever true crime podcast Voyage from Virgin Voyages. Catch live recordings at sea, Meet I Heart True Crime hosts, enjoy Halloween themed parties and more all aboard a kid free luxurious Virgin Voyages ship. It's like a floating five star hotel with plot twists. Book now at virginvoyages.com Truecrime wanna feel.

[Willow]

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[Eilish]

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[Anna Sinfield]

This is an iHeart podcast.