The Girlfriends: Spotlight, E9: Jasvinder Redefines Honour
Podcast: The Girlfriends: Jailhouse Lawyer – Season 3
Host: Anna Sinfield (iHeartPodcasts & Novel)
Date: October 13, 2025
Episode Overview
This powerful episode of The Girlfriends: Spotlight features Jasvinder Sanghera—a pioneering activist and founder of the charity Karma Nirvana—sharing her remarkable life story with host Anna Sinfield. The episode examines the deeply entrenched issues of forced marriage, “honour” abuse, and intergenerational trauma in South Asian communities in Britain. Jasvinder’s personal narrative, beginning with her own escape from a forced marriage and culminating in her leading a national campaign for victim support and legal reform, is interwoven with reflection, heartbreak, and hope.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Growing Up in a Tradition-Bound Family (02:52–14:17)
- Jasvinder describes her childhood in Derby, UK within a Punjabi immigrant family, where gender roles and the concept of family honour dominated everyday life.
- She recalls the strong bond with her sister Robina and the collective resignation of her sisters to arranged and forced marriages.
- Quote: "I'd watched this happen to so many of my sisters, being taken to India to be married to strangers. I didn't want that." (Jasvinder, 04:11)
- The pressure to conform was immense, and women who challenged these norms risked violence or ostracism.
- Quote: "You don't dishonor a family, we were told, by leaving an abusive partner." (Jasvinder, 06:57)
2. Jasvinder’s Silent Rebellion (10:48–19:27)
- She contrasts her passive school life with her desire for freedom and the allure of Western culture.
- At age 14, her family moves to arrange her marriage. Jasvinder refuses, but her protest is met with disbelief—a pattern where dissent seems unimaginable.
- Quote: "Nobody ever challenged my mother, but I dared to say it. I'm not marrying a stranger. I want to go to school." (Jasvinder, 14:25)
- When caught secretly dating a boy, her parents lock her away, prompting her calculated promise to submit so she can plan an escape.
3. Escape and Exile (16:26–21:17)
- At 16, Jasvinder flees home, running to her boyfriend and traveling hundreds of miles to Newcastle.
- When the police find her, she pleads not to be sent home, explaining her fear of forced marriage.
- Her mother disowns her in a traumatic phone call:
- Quote: "You either come home and marry who we say or from this day forward you are dead in our eyes. I hope you give birth to a daughter who does to you what you have done to me." (Jasvinder’s mother, 19:40)
- Jasvinder enters a period of profound loss and identity crisis.
4. Building a New Life and Coping with Grief (24:37–29:10)
- Jasvinder marries her boyfriend, hoping for family acceptance, but they remain estranged—especially as her husband is “from the lowest of the low” caste.
- She details struggles with mental health, substance abuse, and eventual single motherhood.
- The devastating suicide of her beloved sister Robina—herself a victim of forced marriage and domestic violence—is a turning point.
- Quote: "She set herself on fire and she’s committed suicide." (Jasvinder, 26:58)
5. Founding Karma Nirvana and Overcoming Community Silence (32:17–35:36)
- Robina’s death inspires Jasvinder to found Karma Nirvana, determined to tackle abuse, forced marriage, and honour-based violence.
- Quote: "I established a charity...that was going to speak out about forced marriages happening in England, child marriages, these abusive crimes, and I wanted to give voice to it." (Jasvinder, 32:17)
- Initially, her calls for action are dismissed—authorities claim the problems “don’t happen in England.”
- Jasvinder gets creative: moonlighting as a women’s fitness instructor, she secretly spreads information about the charity, waiting years before she receives her first call for help.
- Quote: "[I would] do a keep-fit class for women. But at the end of the class I would say: 'This is, I was forced into a marriage. There’s a charity now that can help you.'" (Jasvinder, 34:15)
6. Success, Threats, and the Growth of a Movement (35:36–41:28)
- Calls grow from a trickle to thousands; Karma Nirvana becomes a lifeline for women and later for men affected by forced marriage and honour violence.
- Jasvinder recalls helping a young woman escape captivity, but also receiving threats and violence for her activism.
- Quote: "The threats didn’t stop ... there was a bomb under my car." (Jasvinder, 39:34)
- As Jasvinder passes leadership to her daughter Natasha, millions have been supported, though much work remains against silence and stigma.
7. Family, Forgiveness, and Understanding Systems of Oppression (41:30–44:46)
- Though still estranged, Jasvinder finds moments of reconciliation and understanding with her parents before their deaths—recognizing that they too were trapped by culture.
- Quote: "Mum, you were a victim. And the perpetrators are the family and the community that allow this to happen." (Jasvinder, 42:22)
- Her father's silent pride—he made her executor of his will—offers some healing.
8. Challenging “Cultural Relativism” and Pushing for Change (44:46–47:16)
- Jasvinder addresses the discomfort some have in criticizing harmful cultural norms, especially among white feminists, urging courage and moral clarity.
- Quote: "Cultural acceptance does not mean accepting the unacceptable... If over a hundred white British females went missing off a school role in this country ... we would be jumping up and down, they'd be everywhere. We didn’t ask the question about these girls because they were Pakistani, they were Indian." (Jasvinder, 45:18–46:32)
- Her advocacy leads to forced marriage becoming a criminal offense in the UK.
9. Legacy and Ongoing Work (47:16–end)
- As of 2025, Jasvinder continues her work as a survivor advocate for other high-profile abuse cases and is training as a therapist.
- In February 2025, she was knighted by King Charles, formally becoming Dame Jasvinder Sanghera.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
"You don't say no to a marriage. That's dishonourable. You don't integrate. That's dishonourable. You don't educate yourself. That's dishonourable."
— Jasvinder Sanghera (04:47) -
"The thing about a system is it only continues if you allow it to. You enable it and you become part of that."
— Jasvinder Sanghera (13:14) -
"You were the sister that dishonored the family. In death, my father spoke a thousand words, because nobody could touch him then. And he's saying, I trust you to do the right thing."
— Jasvinder Sanghera (43:37) -
"Cultural acceptance does not mean accepting the unacceptable."
— Jasvinder Sanghera (45:18)
Important Segment Timestamps
- Early family, sibling dynamics, and first awareness of forced marriage: 02:52–14:17
- Haircut and early rebellion against traditional norms: 11:44–14:17
- Forced marriage pressure and planning escape: 14:17–21:17
- Life in exile and struggles post-escape: 24:37–29:10
- Robina’s death and founding Karma Nirvana: 26:58–33:56
- Becoming a double agent/guerrilla activism: 34:15–34:44
- Receiving the first helpline call: 35:02–35:36
- Growth and threats as an activist: 39:34–41:28
- Reflections on family, forgiveness, understanding cycles: 41:30–44:46
- Addressing cultural sensitivity and the necessity of intervention: 44:46–47:16
Tone and Language
Jasvinder’s storytelling is candid, raw, and at times laced with wry humor and warmth. She moves between heartbreak and hope, always grounded in lived experience. Host Anna Sinfield provides gentle, empathetic prompts and reflective commentary. The episode is forthright about trauma but also fundamentally optimistic, focusing on agency, resilience, and sisterhood.
For Listeners Seeking More Information or Support
- Karma Nirvana (UK helpline): 0800 599 9247
- US listeners: Unchained at Last (see show notes for links)