Funny You Should Mention: Geoffrey Asmus

Summary

The Gist — Funny You Should Mention: Geoffrey Asmus

Host: Mike Pesca
Guest: Geoffrey Asmus (Comedian)
Date: February 6, 2026

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Overview

In this “Funny You Should Mention” Friday episode, Mike Pesca welcomes stand-up comedian Geoffrey Asmus for a playful, in-depth conversation about Asmus’s comedic persona, his upbringing, his approach to writing jokes, and the perils and joys of provocative humor. Largely steering clear of political labels or recycled takes, Asmus thrives on layered jokes, misdirection, and poking at societal and personal taboos — all while maintaining an engaging, irreverent, and lightly self-deprecating tone.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Origins & Persona in Comedy (04:21–06:58)

• Discovery and Persona: Pesca shares how he heard about Asmus through a friend—amusingly, someone with a similar name (“Jeff Dar” as a “serious condition”).

• Marketing as “Only Funny White Man”: Asmus uses the tongue-in-cheek claim of being “the only funny white comedian in America” as a provocative self-description online.

• Anti-Lutheran Riffs: Asmus jokingly brands himself as the “most anti-Lutheran comedian,” lampooning both religious rivalry and comic exaggeration.

  Quote:

  “I can’t stand those Lutheran pigs. Otherwise, any other group of people is fine by me.”
  — Geoffrey Asmus (05:21)

2. Religious Upbringing and Its Influence (06:06–09:09)

• Catholic Childhood: Asmus recalls attending church multiple times a week — for family and school, often appreciating the shortened class days as much as the rituals.

• Performance Inspiration: He draws parallels between priests' pulpit performances and the art of stand-up, noting how even non-theatrical priests would toss in crowd-pleasing jokes.

  Quote:

  “That was probably the first comedy I ever saw… when they get the laughter from that joke… people would go nuts.”
  — Geoffrey Asmus (07:52)

3. Satire, Provocation, and Political Ambiguity (12:07–14:03)

• Truth vs. Persona: Asmus explains that he often says things onstage that aren’t strictly true — especially politically charged lines — as a means of lampooning the culture, not necessarily reflecting his beliefs.

• Layered Comedy: He prefers “layer two”—masking his real views and keeping the audience guessing—over obvious, pandering political comedy.

  Quote:

  “…to just be like, I’m a liberal and Republicans are lame—that’s kind of like, just in my opinion, that’s like layer one of comedy. Layer two is like, I say, like it’s… It’s like the Colbert Report…”
  — Geoffrey Asmus (12:43)

4. Audience Dynamics & Pushing Boundaries (13:40–14:59)

• Losing (and Winning) the Audience: Asmus is willing to lose segments of the audience, finding it more interesting than pandering exclusively to left-leaning or right-leaning crowds. He values the mix and the challenge.

• Jokes as Social Experiments: He describes how straightforwardly stating a ridiculous right-wing talking point, for example, can satirize the absurdity of real-world beliefs.

  Quote:

  “Sometimes sincerely saying, like, maybe a right wing belief at face value... just shows how ludicrous it is that anyone would actually believe that.”
  — Geoffrey Asmus (14:37)

5. Comedy Writing: Truth, Timing, and Spacing (17:40–31:12)

• Using Truth Creatively: Many bits are “true enough” rather than entirely biographical (e.g., his joke about not masturbating until 25 is “mostly true”).

• Spacing Out Material: Asmus discusses how crucial joke order is — especially with risqué material. He emphasizes spreading out shock-value jokes (e.g., multiple “dick sucking” jokes) to maximize their impact.

  Quote:

  “I think one of the most underrated parts of comedy is the order of it. Actually... you can’t have three dick sucking jokes back to back. You gotta space them out 20 minutes.”
  — Geoffrey Asmus (28:51)

6. Running Gags & Memorable Bits (19:39–30:47)

• Geography and Masculinity: Asmus’s childhood obsession with memorizing world capitals stemmed, in part, from not “finding” sex due to his Catholic upbringing.

• Provocative Material: He’s devised bits that risk offending but which he insists are always “funny first” (e.g., cousin crush jokes, mocking corporate wokeness, or “homeless guy” bits as subversive twists).

  Quote:

  “Why would I be afraid of a guy who’s currently sucking my dick? You know, that was a classic.”
  — Geoffrey Asmus (24:19)

7. Layered and Easter Egg Jokes (34:47–36:32)

• Extra-Credit Comedy: Asmus likes embedding “Easter egg” wordplay or subtle lines that may not get a universal laugh but reward attentive fans.

  Quote:

  “Sometimes you need to just throw, like, Easter eggs to the crowd a little bit... jokes that are funny, but maybe only a third of the crowd’s gonna get why it's really funny.”
  — Geoffrey Asmus (35:53)

8. Joke Fallout and Family Drama (31:12–34:47)

• The Cousin Bit: One of his more infamous jokes—about being attracted to a cousin—ended up causing real rifts in his family and had to be retired (“That joke, actually, I had to retire that joke.” — 34:22).
• Line between Persona and Real Life: He explains the “meta” nature of his comedy and how family members sometimes have trouble separating bit from biography.

9. Comedy as Social Satire (38:17–41:21)

• Losing Right-Wing Fans: Asmus has posted jokes (e.g., about Tylenol and autism, or immigration) that have lost him followers, especially those who misread his act as sincerely conservative.
• Corporate and Social Satire: He skewers both ends—mocking “lame corporate liberalism” (Target dropping DEI initiatives), as well as the hypocrisy of “both sides” of political outrage.

10. Craft, Clothing, and Stage Persona (40:02–41:21)

• Crewnecks as Distraction: Asmus prefers crewneck sweatshirts with city names as both a comfort and a subtle crowd connector.
• Fashion “Rules” in Comedy: He critiques old traditions about comic dress and embraces bringing notes onstage, as long as the act is funny.

11. Whimsy about Career and Success (41:44–47:17)

• Wikipedia Aspiration: Asmus jokes (and half-seriously claims) that his main career goal is just to have an organic Wikipedia page—not one he makes himself.
• Past Jobs: Pesca amuses him by referencing his old LinkedIn and past work as a childcare worker and tutor, which Asmus regards as embarrassing relics.
• Barometer of Comic Success: Causing family conflict (with the cousin joke) and being able to delete LinkedIn are, he says, signs of truly “making it” in comedy.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On subtext and layered comedy:

  “What I’m doing is basically what the Colbert Report kind of… the joke’s not obvious. You have to kind of sift a little bit through it. Be like, is he being serious or is he not?”
  — Geoffrey Asmus (12:59)

• On truth in comedy:

  “Everything I say on stage is true. It’s not just a contrived premise to bring you joy.”
  — Geoffrey Asmus (12:01)

• On spacing shock jokes:

  “You don’t want to do ten straight sex jokes. That gets a little… So it’s funnier to space them out.”
  — Geoffrey Asmus (29:30)

• On audience mix:

  “I don’t want all liberals because that’s boring as well. So you want a mix, you want a mix of people. It makes it more exciting for everyone.”
  — Geoffrey Asmus (13:58)

• On personal milestones:

  “If I get a Wikipedia, I’m doing good. I’m done. That’s it. That’s all I want.”
  — Geoffrey Asmus (44:57)

Noteworthy Segments (by Timestamp)

• Anti-Lutheran Riff (05:21)
• Priestly Humor and Comedy Roots (07:52)
• Trump, Attention, and Comedy (06:22–06:54)
• Discussing Political Ambiguity (12:07–14:03)
• Spacing Risqué Material (28:51)
• Debate Over Joke “Easter Eggs” (35:53)
• The Fallout from the Cousin Joke (32:54; 34:08; 34:22)
• Discussion of Crewneck Shirts (40:02–41:00)
• Wikipedia as Life Goal (41:44; 44:57)
• Retrospective on LinkedIn and Old Jobs (42:40–44:46)

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Closing Tone

The episode is rich with Asmus’s sharp, self-aware humor, bouncing from theological jabs to deeply meta reflections on the nature and future of stand-up. Through it all, both Asmus and Pesca approach even the most “offensive” comic material as opportunities to interrogate, reward, and sometimes gently antagonize their audiences — and themselves.

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Upcoming gigs:

• “Could Be Worse” tour: Asmus is hitting most cities over 200,000.
• Tickets and info at whitecomedian.com (a name chosen in 2014, “before it was problematic”).

Career milestone aspiration:

• “My goal in life [is] to get a Wikipedia page… organically.” (41:55, 44:57)

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Transcript

[Mike Pesca]

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[Mike Pesca]

It's Friday, February 6, 2026. From Peach Fish Productions, it's the gist. I'm Mike Pesca and today funny you should mention Friday. Yeah, it's funny you should mention that. It's Friday and it's funny you should mention it With Jeffrey Asmus. Really great comedian. Now I'll tell you how he came across Jeffrey Asmus. It has to do with the fact that his name is Jeffrey. No, I wasn't just searching for white comedian.com, which is his URL. Would be odd if I did. He claims to be the only funny white comedian in America. I mean, all of those statements, except maybe only, are true. He's from Minnesota, has an abiding hatred of the Lutherans, all right, Possibly exaggerated for comic effect. And we talk about that. We talked about losing the audience, which can be good. That maybe leads to long term building the audience, you know, and then you give the Easter eggs in there. That rewards the persistent fans or those paying attention. Jokes can work on a couple levels with Jeffrey Asmus. So how I found out about him is in the credits. Maybe you hear me credit Jeff Craig. Well, it turns out Jeff Craig has a little bit of Jeff dar you he admitted to me and he said, you got to check out this guy. I'm like, that guy's great. What a coincidence. You have the same name. And Jeff Craig kind of sheepishly admitted, I kind of look out for all the other Jeffs with a G in the world. You know, Jeff Craig lives in Belgium. And so if there was in fact only one funny white comedian in America, that doesn't mean he, Jeff Craig in Belgium wouldn't have access to other funny white comedians. Luckily, nothing of the sort is true. Except it is sort of true that our Jeff Has Jeff Dar, which, you know, is a serious condition. People allergic to Jeff Dar shouldn't take Jeff Dar. I very much enjoyed my conversation with Jeffrey Asmus. Enjoy. So building a wardrobe takes the right kind of balsa or perhaps oak. But actually I speak not of the physical construct. I speak of the concept of a suite of clothes. I'm learning this as I age. And quince is helping me. They have everyday essentials with quality that lasts. Organic cotton sweaters, lighter jackets that keep you warm in the changing seasons, and polos for every occasion. Except, and this was weird, Polo. You should not actually wait. I'm being told you can play polo in their polos. It was a situation like Acme earthquake pills. That asterisk do not work on Roadrunners. And I thought that was the same with the quince polos. But no, I'm wrong. Polos actually for every occasion. And that's good because I own quince polos and I've never played polo, but I've worn them quite casually and, you know, to a place that says we prefer a collared shirt. And not only do they qualify, no one will be squinting at you like you got away with anything. That is how nice my quince polo is. Refresh your wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.com/the gist for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q, U, y n c e.com/the gist. Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/the gist.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Like when they get the laughter from that joke, I was like, that's pretty cool. I think that was probably the first comedy I ever saw was because people would go nuts. He mentions Randall Cunningham, Vikings quarterback Randy Moss. People lose their minds.

[Mike Pesca]

That's not even a joke. That just. It has sort of the structure of.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

A joke, but it doesn't really make any sense.

[Mike Pesca]

Randy Moss set the record for most touchdowns. She's the only guy ever to come back. Allegedly. Don't know what the Lutherans say about that.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

It actually has caused trouble. I'm not gonna lie. That joke. Actually, I had to retire that joke.

[Mike Pesca]

I'm here with the only funny white man. All right. That is not Jeffrey Osmos's actual claim, but it's what he uses for marketing. His last special tried to argue against cancel culture. We don't even really know what he thinks. He's trying to be provocative. He's extremely funny and, you know, the most anti Lutheran comedian. You're going to see, I think, come straight at us with the anti Lutheran sentence.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I can't stand those Lutheran pigs. Otherwise, any other group of people is fine by me. But that's. It's wrong what they did to the Catholic Church. Always be loyal to the Pope forever and always. The real Pope. The real Pope. There's all these anti popes. So you got to know pre Vatican 2. Pre Vatican 2. Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

You have an American Pope now. I don't.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Chicago guy. Yeah, he's actually kind of cool.

[Mike Pesca]

I thought that that would. Well, I guess we got Donald Trump to do this trick, but I thought that would dominate our consciousness a little more.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I thought that. Yeah, I thought that would maybe help the Catholic faithful, maybe veer back towards morality, but unfortunately, the religious found a way to go back the other way.

[Mike Pesca]

Well, I also think he spent a lot of time in South America. Right. And helping the poor of South America. Like, he picked. He picked a continent in this hemisphere, and it wasn't his birth continent.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

That's what he's emphasizing.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Right. And Trump, I always. I had a joke where I was like, trump, the tariffs worked. They got us an American Pope. Like, he's bringing back.

[Mike Pesca]

That's a joke.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Bringing back jobs one at a time. Yeah, we're slowly getting there.

[Mike Pesca]

So you do try to have a specific kind of joke about Trump that works, not because you're pandering to the crowd, but just because.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Really talk about. I've never done a Trump impression. That's not really my thing. I don't really do impressions, but I try to talk about Trump as little as possible, if I'm being honest.

[Mike Pesca]

Because I just think.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I think that one of the main mistakes we made is just giving him too much attention. Yeah, I think that's what he wants. He's.

[Mike Pesca]

He's a clickbait now.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

He's like, it's the cat's out of the bag now. Unfortunately, we missed our chance, but I think, like, 20, 2015, 2016, we gave him way too much airtime, and I think that was a huge mistake.

[Mike Pesca]

And your funniest white man special, it's doing hundreds of thousands of views on YouTube.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

If you had that.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Changing it. We're changing everything. Yes, exactly.

[Mike Pesca]

There's some Trump jokes.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I could have stopped Trump. I could. I chose not to, but I could have done it.

[Mike Pesca]

So you are Catholic, and there was a. I don't know if it was throwaway line. It was a line in one of your specials where he said, we went.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

A couple times a week over church yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, because we had to go with our family and then at school.

[Mike Pesca]

Oh, okay. I thought you were family.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

That went a couple times. Oh, no, we haven't been every Sunday and the school was probably every other week. I was. I think it was on Wednesday. We had to go to mass at.

[Mike Pesca]

School and was it like one of those matinee kids only church sessions?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah, it was school only. Yeah, it was good. Yeah. I don't think. I don't. I can't remember any adults had coming in there, but those were the best days because then classes were shortened. We loved church. I loved church day. Did you get like a deep nostalgia for like the. The music of the Catholic Church? I kind of like it.

[Mike Pesca]

Did you get any of your perform inspiration from priests in the pulpit?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I mean, a little bit. I mean, because they. The white priests aren't performing in the same way. They are at like a black Baptist church, but they are like they're pandering. I remember the priest would throw jokes. He'd be like, jesus came back from the dead. That's like Randy Moss catching a touchdown and people going nuts. And I did. I did feel like the. Like when they get the laughter from that joke, I was like, that's pretty cool. I think that was probably the first comedy I ever saw was. Because people would go nuts. He mentions Randall Cunningham, Vikings quarterback Granny Moss. People lose their minds.

[Mike Pesca]

And that's not even a joke. That just. It has sort of the structure of a joke.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

It doesn't really make any sense.

[Mike Pesca]

Randy Moss set the record for most touchdowns. She's the only guy ever to come.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Back from the game.

[Mike Pesca]

Allegedly. Don't know what the Lutherans say about.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

That, but they agree with that. They agree with that. They are on the board or the. He came back for the debt, but they got the transubstantiation thing. We're not into that.

[Mike Pesca]

And they argue that. You think just to get their nose in the tents, just so the other Christians are like, all right, well, this is sensible. Maybe we have some common ground. And then the Lutherans tricks.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I think, yes. I think that was a little pro. They get a little wedge in there. Exact wedge issue. Yeah, exactly.

[Mike Pesca]

Lutheran's known for their trickery.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Exactly. This is true. I don't want to say it out loud, but it's true. It's true.

[Mike Pesca]

Oh, so in this studio, you're reticent to rip the Lutheran's a new one, but your whole life's core.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I have a lot of Lutheran fans now, so I don't Want to lose ticket sales. You know, it's all about the bucks.

[Mike Pesca]

I listened to your album that I think isn't even available in video. What is that called?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Which one? Oh, the Prodigal little bit from way back in the day.

[Mike Pesca]

Like, I hate Lutherans.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I wonder what the. I can't remember what the bit that was from like 2018. I do not like Lutherans. Muslims, Buddhists. Fine. I do not like Lutherans. They are evil traitors. Don't look them in the eye. That's why you didn't finish college.

[Mike Pesca]

It just sounds like.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I just. I can't remember what it actually was exactly. But that was. I'm so. It's so funny. You said I had an album. It was like 2018, 2019. I was like, yes, the audio format is the future. We don't need to film this set. Yeah, let's do. Put all the work into the audio thing. And we also do a telegram version of it.

[Mike Pesca]

It's like the tip and dots of media.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I was so. I didn't film. It was so stupid.

[Mike Pesca]

So you start off pretty early in many of your sets, as comics do, introducing yourself and you do these jokes about your name being Joffrey with a.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

G. Yes, I do have an old joke about that.

[Mike Pesca]

So from my generation, I knew some Joffrey's with a G and the character they'd always be compared to or get a stupid question about was the giraffe from Toys R Us.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yes. So, yeah, used to be. I used to get called. I didn't get called Joffrey until recently. The Game of Thrones thing that they're really never. That's like a. It's not how you say it, but like, yeah, it was the giraffe. The giraffe and the guy who plays Captain Barbarossa's name. Jeffrey as well, with a G. Right. The only two. And Jeffrey Bean or Jeffrey. It's like a clothing brand or something. Oh, there's a. There's a Jeffrey something also. There's a Jeffrey Bean as well. Yeah, yeah. It's not as well known, but yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

Joffrey from Game It. So people would not only say annoyingly to you, oh, like Jeffrey from Game of Thrones. Which is the mistake they should made.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Right.

[Mike Pesca]

They compounded the mistake by saying like Joffrey from Game.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

And they're showing that they didn't read the books because you've read the books. It's J O F F R E Y. So they're just fair weather fans. I read the books before the Shows came out, so that pissed me off doubly. Honestly. People are like, are you named after Joffrey? It's like he's a genocidal mania who rapes his sister. Why would my parents name me after that guy? It doesn't make any sense.

[Mike Pesca]

Now, if you haven't read the book, spoiler alert. Thanks, Jeffrey.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Sorry you haven't read them. No one in America is reading books. We're not. If they read it, it's already going to happen.

[Mike Pesca]

When I first heard you do Jeffrey Joffrey Game of Thrones joke, it was a barista at Starbucks. And then the second time I heard you do it, it was a clerk at a store while you were buying White Claw.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

And then I did switch it. Yes. I actually have brought it back into my act. I switched it again a little bit more. Yeah, I added on to it. It. I. It was. It. It's all true, though.

[Mike Pesca]

That's the question.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Definitely was at a CVS and a Starbucks. I'm just using both.

[Mike Pesca]

Right.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Moments. Everything I say on stage is true. It's not just a contrived premise to bring you joy. So it's all real.

[Mike Pesca]

The most frequent question I ask on this is some version, but it's not out of naivete is, do you ever say things that aren't true? And of course you do, of course do it right. But. But I think you say things that aren't true in the political realm more than things that are true. Like, I don't know how much you have ever expressed your actual political beliefs as opposed to this pose alpha guy.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

In my new act, I do more. I do get. I do get sincere a little more in recent times, maybe stuff I haven't really posted yet. But yeah, in the stuff I've posted, I really don't let on who I am. Really.

[Mike Pesca]

And then why is that?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Because I think it's kind of boring. I think it's just kind of boring. It's not always boring, but, like, to just be like, I'm a liberal and Republicans are lame. That's kind of like, just in my opinion, that's like layer one of comedy. Layer two is like, I say, like, it's.

[Mike Pesca]

I'm.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

What I'm doing is basically what the Colbert Report kind of. It's like he does this over the top and, like, the joke's not obvious. You have to like, kind of sift a little bit through it. Be like, is he being serious or is he not? Like. And it kind of gets people from both sides as well. Like, I, I've lost a lot of Republican fans in the last, like six to eight months from things I posted. But I used to have more Republican fans because they, like, didn't quite get that I was making fun of them. And that's fine. And that's fine. That's fun that they were there and they, like, they were seeing the jokes at a completely different level. They were just seeing surface level. He's saying kind of crazy shit. That means he must be right wing. And then liberals are like, oh, he's mocking them. And so it's like kind of an interesting mix of people that come out.

[Mike Pesca]

For an artist, your stance is, look, if I lose people because they have these, they have these antiquated beliefs, so be it. As long as like 2% of the audience.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Oh, yeah, exactly. Yeah. I don't care if someone, yeah. If someone's like, oh, he's being too woke, I'm like, well, I don't want you at my show. That's right. If that's what your reason.

[Mike Pesca]

It's like capped at like 3 or 4.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I don't want all liberals because that's boring as well. So you want to mix, you want to mix of people. It makes it more exciting for everyone. And.

[Mike Pesca]

But I also heard things poking through that you sincerely believe now you do it as a joke. Let me just go back to say it is level one of comedy to essentially say, here is my belief. Now I am either going to convince you of my belief or expound on the thesis through humor.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Exactly. I think that's like, I do that sometimes too, but I don't, I don't want that to be my only thing. I want there to be layers to it as well.

[Mike Pesca]

And then if there's misdirection that's kind of joyful and there's some discovery and it just makes it more exciting. Exciting for you as the joke teller. Exciting maybe for them as the audience if they get it a little.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Exactly. I think sometimes sincerely saying, like, maybe a right wing belief at face value, just like saying it kind of shows how ludicrous it is. Like, if you're, if I'm on stage being like, these trans people are making my taxes higher, like, if you just say that, it like shows how absurd it is that anyone would actually believe that. I think there's like a layer to it as well in that respect.

[Mike Pesca]

I think there are a lot of trans people who work for the irs.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah. And they are ruining the country. That. I'm not going to deny that.

[Mike Pesca]

If you Go through male puberty. The testosterone benefit helps you as an irs.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Exactly. And they're ruining the water supply. And it's a lot of stuff. And we can't even get into it today.

[Mike Pesca]

Thank you. Thank you for sparing me that because I was going to go on.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I have a tyrant transphobe tirade at the ready at all times. But it's not all audiences.

[Mike Pesca]

Corporate audience.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

We can do it all. No. Corporations hate me. I've never. I've done a few corporate gigs that doesn't work out. They don't like what I'm doing.

[Mike Pesca]

Really?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

They don't like the. They don't like my vibe.

[Mike Pesca]

3M classic Minnesota.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Classic Minnesota company poison. The water supply. Where I grew up. I would bring that up. I could not bring that up. So I got to counterpoint.

[Mike Pesca]

Post it notes.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

They did do post it notes.

[Mike Pesca]

It equals things out. Community suffered. But we all have an idea and boom.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Everyone where I live works for 3M or target. So I got to. I gotta bow down to the 3M gods for sure.

[Mike Pesca]

What things would you say at Target that would never let them invite you back?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I'd have to make fun of them for getting rid of DEI after being the DEI company. That's. That was a little cowardly of them.

[Mike Pesca]

Go 180 on that.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

They were the company that had a massive gay pride thing every June. And now they're like, actually, we're not going to hire black or gay people. So I think I'd have to go in on them being cowardly.

[Mike Pesca]

I would argue they probably went too far in one direction I went because.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I think what they were doing was like lame corporate liberalism. I agree. It was lame. And it's easy to make fun of that because it's. It's disingenuous. It's obvious they didn't actually care about gay people.

[Mike Pesca]

Everyone could now probably get behind you if you make Target jokes.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yes, I agree. They've got a Target on their back. There we go. Come on. This guy's a pro.

[Mike Pesca]

Okay.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Got it.

[Mike Pesca]

We have the Jeffrey jokes, but then there's the fact that your last name is Osmus. And it's not really. It's a S M, U s. It's Osmus.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

It's a. It's like. It's. It probably was a U S before Ellis. I'm sure. Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

Because I was thinking, like, you know, is it sexual harassment? It's not. It's. Yes.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Harassment would be more.

[Mike Pesca]

I don't know if people called you.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

That or if you were. Yes. People have brought up that my name sounds like ass. Oh, they have a few times. Definitely Jeff. That's why my Instagram handle is Jeffrey atm. Because I got called Jeffrey as to mouth a lot in college, in high school, that was. That was a fun little nickname I had.

[Mike Pesca]

I thought the point of getting into a good college is they wouldn't say this to you.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

No. Bad badgers weren't nice to their fellow badgers. No, unfortunately.

[Mike Pesca]

So what did make you and I, you know, I'm just going by your jokes, is that you didn't masturbate until you're 25.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

That is mostly true. That's. That's like a core joke. That's. It's probably more like 22, 23, but that is mostly true. It's funnier because it was. The joke was that I was full of come. I was bubbling with come until I could rent a car. And 25's the day you can rent a car. So I changed it. It was probably 22, 23. Really?

[Mike Pesca]

Do you make a joke about, like, on that very day, you had two things to get to.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

To masturbate and to get. Hurts. Go to hurts. Yeah. Yeah. I should. I should. I haven't brought that joke back, actually. That was probably one of my earliest.

[Mike Pesca]

Both thing hurts. Yeah.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

So that's an example of that. Is true. Mostly. That's like. Is mostly true. It's like a kind of crazy, but it is. It's true enough.

[Mike Pesca]

Yes.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I think that's the goal of comedy. True enough.

[Mike Pesca]

So then you also say you memorized every country capital in the world because of it.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I did do that because I was a lonely child and didn't. Usually kids who are lonely are just mastering in their bedroom all day. I wasn't that guy.

[Mike Pesca]

This is what you imagine. Everyone else.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Every movie is like, oh, the tissues are everywhere. Their socks are all crusty. I honestly don't know. I didn't. I don't really know why. I didn't really know what masturbating was until I was like 18 years old. I had no idea. But I think it's the Catholic upbringing. Something happened there.

[Mike Pesca]

It worked.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

The Catholic school worked. Like dad is like, right, exactly. Well, our Catholic school is where they didn't, like, he's like, they didn't.

[Mike Pesca]

Canabera.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Like, our Catholic school didn't. They didn't tell us, like, sex was evil. They just never talked about sex.

[Mike Pesca]

Right.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

We just never spoke about it. And I. And it worked. I didn't look at porn. I didn't. I Didn't find that part of the world.

[Mike Pesca]

Once you define something as ev is, you're gonna look charismatic.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah, like the devil's cool. Like they.

[Mike Pesca]

It's not off putting people to evil.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Like they did a good or a good idea propaganda wise. They just never meant. I never learned about sex. And I. And I was a good Catholic boy.

[Mike Pesca]

It's also not the age of. Do your own research.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

No. And our Internet was. It was dial up. We barely used. It was good enough to look up.

[Mike Pesca]

The country capitals, but not good enough.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I had a big map of the world above my bed that I looked at every day. Yeah. I think I. I probably know 90% of the Capitals. I think I do. I have some.

[Mike Pesca]

I brought a couple up and I want to test and I only brought up interesting ones with wrinkles.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Okay. So the. Okay. I'm interested to see which ones you pick. Then I'll say what I'm going to say.

[Mike Pesca]

Sri Lanka.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Oh, that's Colombo, but it's a different. It's a long name now it's like this. It's like. Starts the J maybe or something.

[Mike Pesca]

Oh, I think you. I think that might be true. Yeah. Colombo was changed.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

It is still Colombia. It's like Colombo and they have like two capitals. Kind of. It's like one of these like business. Administrative.

[Mike Pesca]

Right. Wrote it down. It's Jaya Warden Purakote.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yes.

[Mike Pesca]

So that's not Colombia changed. And then they have this other.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

So they have two. There's a couple other countries I've done that recently.

[Mike Pesca]

Is another country really.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

They change what. There's. What Benin was Porto Novo. What's it.

[Mike Pesca]

That's the official one. But this tells me that Cotono is the de facto. How do you say de facto? Capital.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I didn't know.

[Mike Pesca]

Largest city and seat of government. That says capital.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

But it's not. But it's Porto Novo. See, I gotta update my. This is my. It's been stuck in the. The day I masturbated. I haven't learned any geographical changes.

[Mike Pesca]

That's what they say. They say you'll go blind, grow hair.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

And not any bad things. I didn't know that they changed that too.

[Mike Pesca]

So I In researching. I have other relevant questions to you and your life. But I was researching country capitals and I don't know of this country. It is a volcanic. Volcanic. Yep.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

All these island countries. Those are tough.

[Mike Pesca]

Atlantic island in the South Atlantic. It is a British overseas territory of St. Helena.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Okay.

[Mike Pesca]

It's called Tristan Dunha.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Oh yeah. This is the most isolated piece of Land on earth.

[Mike Pesca]

And do you know what the name of the capital is?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Oh, I don't know.

[Mike Pesca]

It's like they almost gave up on even.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Wait, is this Saint Helena or is Tristan? Are they the same island?

[Mike Pesca]

No, it's a property of St. Helena. So. So it's like the excerpt of St.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Helena is where they sent Napoleon in his exile. He died on the island.

[Mike Pesca]

He's from Elba and died at St. Helena.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Ye. He's from Corsica.

[Mike Pesca]

Corsica. Where was Elba?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Elba was where he was exiled between. Then he escaped and did the Battle of Waterloo and then they sent him to St. Helena.

[Mike Pesca]

Three islands of Napoleon.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah, this I love. But they're smart. The people listening are still smart.

[Mike Pesca]

But I want to know if you know what the capital of.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I don't know. I've always wanted to go there because it's so isolated. I have no idea.

[Mike Pesca]

I will now.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Edinburgh of the seven seas. That's awesome.

[Mike Pesca]

The seventies.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I love that.

[Mike Pesca]

It's like they gave away their responsibility of having an actual name.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

That's a crazy long name. Edinburgh of the 7th. I. I've always wanted to go there because it's like if you want to be alone, that's where you want to be alone.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I've read there's like one boat that goes there a year or something.

[Mike Pesca]

Now that you're, you know, past your 25th birthday and into masturbating, you have things to do.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I probably knew that when I was 23. I probably knew that. But every time you come in a woman, you forget something. That's true. That's true.

[Mike Pesca]

It's like when angel earns its wings.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Exactly.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

Now, speaking of which, you have a couple jokes in which either you are sucking someone's dick or a dick is being sucked. Do you do them both in the same set?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I think I know. It's jokes, direction, jokes. I used to have one about my sling of mom. There was a mom. I wasn't my mom sucking my dick, but it was related to my mother. And then the other one was the dog walking one. Is that the two you're referring to?

[Mike Pesca]

We have now determined you have three someone. Yeah.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I remember my last special someone pointed out to me like, you have three jokes about your dick getting sucked. And I was like, because it's funny. Dick getting sucked is a funny phrase. It's a cuh and a cuh. It's like these are how words. Words are funny. Getting a blowjob is not as funny as getting your dick sucked. This is how the thing. This is how comedy works, people.

[Mike Pesca]

Come on. It's not that you were getting your dick sucked by your mom.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

It wasn't my mom. I can't remember. No, the joke is that your mom never. Parents don't ever think you learn new things. I'm like, mom, I don't like mustard anymore. She's like, you never like mustard. Like, they can't imagine you like new things. That's what it is. And like, mom, I got my dick sucked. I like mustard now. Like, that's what it was. Something like that's what the joke was.

[Mike Pesca]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. So you have an interesting philosophy that's this close to being, you know, weird and cult. Like, if you come in a woman, you lose information.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yes.

[Mike Pesca]

But if you receive oral sex, you gain. If not information, then a taste for new items in the world.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I could see that happening. Yeah, I think that could. That's a good. There could be some research in that I could see. I'll do the research. I'll do the research. Yeah, I'll do the studies.

[Mike Pesca]

I was thinking of is, why would I be afraid of a homeless guy?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Oh, yeah. I did have three at the last special. Yeah. Wow. I did. Oh, yeah, that one. Yeah. Yeah, that one. Why would I be afraid of a homeless guy? What was the. Everyone in America is afraid of homeless people. Isn't that such bitch. Shit. It's so embarrassing. I'm not afraid of home. Why would I be afraid of a guy who's currently sucking my dick? You know, that was a classic. A classic example. The thing is that I think that joke's very funny. Saying it in this context, I seem like a complete hack and a terrible comedian.

[Mike Pesca]

We have an audience of homeless people outside. That's the context Jeff is talking about.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

That was a joke Ry wrote. Because a lot of comics make fun of homeless people, and I think it's annoying. I think it's like a homeless guy said this crazy thing. Well, of course he did. He's having the worst time in human history. Of course he said a crazy thing. So I was trying to do a little twist on that. Like, why would I be afraid of them? They pleasure me sexually. They're good people. They're working hard in the same way. Way. Yeah, that. That one. That one. That's the one that never did. Yeah, you can't say that online, really. But in the. On this show, that joke always hit. Yeah, that joke always hit.

[Mike Pesca]

You did it early on.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I think that was early in the special in Sacramento. Is that the one you're referring to?

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah, I think one in a very be bricked room in Minneapolis.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Oh, is that in. Oh, is that in. Oh, it's Sisyphus Brewery in Minneapolis. That's what that one was. Yes, yes. Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

Uphill climb.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I know the owner was a comedian so he's like into like the, the, the dark morals of Sisyphus. Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

Two thirds of the time someone says syphilis, right?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yes, definitely. Cause people are absurdly stupid. No one knows what Sisyphus is anymore. Syphilis Brewery. Yeah, that's what they named it. Nailed it.

[Mike Pesca]

But if you write off the 2/3 of America who thinks it's syphilis, you're not gonna get people to drink your beer.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Exactly. You can't just sell tickets. So you do have to throw some feed to the pigs sometimes. Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

And we'll be back with, with Jeffrey Asmus right after this. We are back with comedian Jeffrey Asmus. So when you have three sucking a dick, get my dick suck jokes. Is it spacing? Is the spacing important?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

That actually is true. I think if I did a 60 minute set, they were all probably 20 minutes apart from each other. I think if I. When I figured it out finally, because then the novelty wears off. I also think each of the three jokes is a surprising enough in itself that you don't see it coming. They don't see the dick suck twist coming. I'm a guy. I'll trick you into getting your dick suck. I'll do it.

[Mike Pesca]

It's like real life.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

It's magic.

[Mike Pesca]

Sucking a dog's dick, getting a homeless guy suck your dick. They're surprising enough.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

They're surprising. I don't think in my new hour I have any dick sucking jokes. I think I moved on from that this time.

[Mike Pesca]

But there was another question of spacing at one point. You call fingernails, what do you call them? Fingernails. Bone nails.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Oh, yeah, yeah. What is that? What?

[Mike Pesca]

It was a phrase.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Oh, yeah. Bone knives. Bone knives. Like all fingernails bone knives. Why? Oh, it's because the abortion billboard bit, right? Because they say like, oh, after 30 days a fetus already has fingernails. And I was like, why? Why did they pick that part of the body? Like, no one gives a shit about their fingernails. Oh, no, I'll use these little useless bone knives that won't stop growing. Yeah. I always thought, yeah, that's why I wrote a jug walk. Because I thought, why would. That's not the part of life I'm thankful for.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah. And am I wrong? I thought hair and fingernails was Always sold to me as, like, dead parts of the body.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

That's like the one part of the body that's dead already. I never figured out how to make that part of the joke.

[Mike Pesca]

They're well funded, but they have only, you know, a limited billboard budget that's.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

To waste it on that. It's like after three weeks in the womb, your baby already is getting its dick sucked. That'd be what I put.

[Mike Pesca]

No, exactly. The pro life movement chooses the dead part of the body.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

How boring these people are is that they think fingernails are the best part of your life. They're like such dull cretins.

[Mike Pesca]

Reasons to be alive.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah, that's like, oh, thank God for these little fingernails. Oh, thank God.

[Mike Pesca]

Then you have other fingernail jokes or at least fingering jokes.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Oh, I have fingering jokes. Did I mention finger. I don't think I mentioned fingernails in that joke. With that. Yes, the fingering joke. That one is.

[Mike Pesca]

Must there be space between the fingernails and the finger?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

That one? Yeah, Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I think there's gotta be a half hour. People gotta get a half hour break for the finger joke. I think they do.

[Mike Pesca]

So you can think of all these jokes, but it's not really generating them, it's spacing them out.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I think. I think one of the most underrated parts of comedy is the order of it. Actually. I think a lot of people don't take the time to think of the order of their jokes. I actually think that's. Yeah, I put a lot of thought into actually, like, the order of something like. Like that. It's so stupid to say a lot, but, like, you can't have three dick sucking jokes back to back. You gotta space them out 20 minutes. Like they fit in certain spots.

[Mike Pesca]

Finger, dick. Finger, finger, dick.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

You could. And I have gone in real life, not on stage, but. Yeah, you could, you could, you could figure that out.

[Mike Pesca]

I mean, I think everyone knows. Comedians definitely know that the ordering of the specific joke is incredibly important.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

For sure.

[Mike Pesca]

Why wouldn't the superstructure stand by?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

The superstructure is. Especially when you start doing like an hour on the road. Like, you can't. You don't want to do ten straight sex jokes. That gets a little.

[Mike Pesca]

Gay sex jokes are interspersed.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

You gotta do straight, then gay, then trans sex, then straight sex. You do it all. Cause, like, if you just do 10 sex jokes in a row, the shock is lost. So it's funnier to space them out. And like, I usually try to start off with very shocking jokes to see if the crowd's gonna Be cool. Or not. Honestly.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I usually front load, like, three of my more risque jokes right up top. And if they bomb, it's gonna be a bad show.

[Mike Pesca]

What do you do? What do you retreat to?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

If. If they do badly.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah, just like blasting the Lutherans.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah. I mean, that's always a bastion for my fan base. That'll always do well. Honestly, now if something. I just do my. And I'll bomb the whole hour. I don't care. I don't care anymore.

[Mike Pesca]

You know, you're good.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I know. There's someone else. Sorry. You guys don't like it. I'm not gonna really pander anymore. Really. I kind of have the act I want to do, and if it doesn't do well, I'm never coming back to Omaha. Like, yeah, you have a.

[Mike Pesca]

Okay, this will get him back. Joe joke.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I have a few, like, sex jokes that I. Yeah, that'll probably get them back. Yeah, a few, like, older. The fingering joke actually is one of my save jokes, honestly. Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

Save jokes.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

That one usually saves it.

[Mike Pesca]

Honestly, knowing that phrase.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Sex, no one. Everyone likes a sex joke. If, if, if they're out for a night at a comedy club and they're mad at a sex joke, the show should just be canceled. Like, everyone. No one's offended by sex jokes, really. Except gay sex. But straight sex, everyone's fine with. Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

Maybe faux offended.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Maybe they might be like, oh, my God. But, like, no one's really mad about you talking about sex. Really. That's kind of. We've moved past that as a society.

[Mike Pesca]

Right.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Which is good.

[Mike Pesca]

So in. I think this is only funny, white man, you do a bit about the cousin you have a crush on.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yes. That joke has caused a lot of trouble in my family. Actually, we should tell people.

[Mike Pesca]

Maybe we'll play a segment of that. This is the. You were just saying sex doesn't offend, and you start with really offensive jokes. But there is a bleep in the special.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Did I bleep it? I did bleep it. Did I bleep? I can't remember if we ended up doing that or not. We did. Yeah, we. We had. Because this is the thing. This is the thing, okay? I, I. It's a joke about being attracted to your cousin. It's not true. My cousins are incredibly ugly. I'm not attracted to them. But one of them has the perfect name for the joke. It's.

[Mike Pesca]

It's.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I'm not gonna. I'll say it. Her name's I like my cousin. I'm not attracted to her in any way, but it's the perfect name. That's not my fault if you're from a hot family like mine. On the count of three, let's shout out that sexy little someone. You guys okay? A one, a two, a three. Lizzie. Oh, yeah, that's not her name. My mom made me change it for that. I tried Lisa, I tried Susan. I tried Lizzie.

[Mike Pesca]

Gone for.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I have a lot of cousins. I tried to find names that I have so many cousins. Like, it was tough to find female names I didn't have a cousin of. But then I tried other names. It wasn't as funny. I'm sorry. Did the best. Yeah, by far. I tested it and I. And I didn't change it for the special. And my mom was like, I'm never gonna tell you to change a joke again, but you can't say her name. And then I did. Had to bleep it. I did. I think later there's a callback to. Of me saying the wrong name or something.

[Mike Pesca]

What happened is you change it to Lizzy. And then later on because you say.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

And then it was. I change it to Lizzie in the special. But then later I'm like, it wasn't actually Liz. It was bleep. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it was.

[Mike Pesca]

Okay, now here's my question. So you bleep it so he doesn't get offended or whatever.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Right. But it's still gotten back to the family, and there is a lot of tension. Some people are pretty mad about it, which I think is lame because it's completely false, but I get it.

[Mike Pesca]

And your best defense is look at her.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah, it's just a funny. It rhymes with sexy. I'm sorry. It's just. It's perfect for the joke. It's perfect.

[Mike Pesca]

Okay, I'm gonna. I think this is the right expression. Put a pin on it. Rhymes with sexy. You don't make any. Any reference to the fact that it rhymes with sexy.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Your mind makes the assumption. It connects it on its own.

[Mike Pesca]

Yes. That's what I wanna come back with too. But I'm thinking strategically, you were probably in the moment, all frazzled. Your mom is there, there, breathing down on you. I know none of that happened.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

She was actually at the show. She was actually at the show. Yeah, in the editing room. When you believe it.

[Mike Pesca]

The thing is, by bleeping it, you perhaps save that one cousin from thinking you were hot for her. But you inject the possibility that every other cousin is now saying, wait, is that my name?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah. There's a little intrigue. Yeah, yeah. They're like, oh, I didn't know I was looking that good at Thanksgiving. Okay, everyone. Everyone's feeling pretty good. I didn't even think about that.

[Mike Pesca]

I think it was just in terms of cousin relations, like, not sexual relations, but just navigating family functions. That was a mistake.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

The family politics have been odd since then. It actually has caused trouble in our family. I'm not going to lie. That joke, actually, I had to retire that joke. That joke. I thought. I thought that was one of my funnier earlier jokes and that they did not really feel the vibe on that.

[Mike Pesca]

Well, that's kind of how, you know, you made it as a comedian.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

That's kind of how I know it was a great joke. Also, no one gets mad at a mediocre joke.

[Mike Pesca]

That's right.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

So the idea of a joke that actually works or is funny, but the audience doesn't even react to it as funny. I think you do a couple of those. So here's one, right? And they're both maybe a little bit word related, like how. Reminds you of sexy. And the audience does it in their head. You say, oh, with this haircut, I could either be pro or anti gay. Right.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I feel like with this haircut, I could be on either side of the upcoming civil war. You know, Like, I could be like, gay rights. Gay rights are. Rights are. Gay rights are gay. Oh, yeah, yeah. Cause I used to have. When I had a shorter cut, I looked like a Hitler Youth pastor. That's what I said. Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

So people laughed at it, but there was no. To me, I just saw it once. There was no differentiation of the laugh that went up on the wordplay you did or the fact that that's a really good joke.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I like that joke a lot. Gay rights. Rights are gay. I thought that was fun.

[Mike Pesca]

I can't even believe that I had never heard that before. And it's like, not on some lame bumper sticker, if those exist. But when you do the joke, do people laugh extra hard or recog that you've made kind of. You're not just playing the character of the guy who says two different things. But you said gay rights rights are gay. Do. Does the audience usually go up on this?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I think sometimes you need to just throw, like, Easter eggs to the crowd a little bit. Like jokes that are funny, but maybe only a third of the crowd's gonna get why it's really funny. And I think that you want. You don't want every joke. You want every joke. To kill, obviously. But every once in a while you can have like a throwaway line almost that isn't. Everyone's not getting it, but the people who get it love it.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

And that kind of really gets them on their side. If it's like they're in like an inside group, they're like, oh, we got it. Not everyone else got it.

[Mike Pesca]

Right.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I think you need a few of those. Like, I don't know why you. Easter eggs. Not the right word, but like, I can't really. I don't know what you would call it, but like almost like an extra joke that's not for everyone. It's like an extra credit joke.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah, it's a little Russian nesting doll.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Or maybe it's like an added a bonus tag if you get it. But if not, not. They still think the joke's funny.

[Mike Pesca]

Doesn't slow the momentum.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Exactly.

[Mike Pesca]

It's not a joke that doesn't work. And everyone's like, well, that joke didn't work. In other words, if you had said I with this haircut, I could go either way. I could be like the gays. I love the gays or the gays, I want to the gays.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I think it would have got the same amount of laughter. But the, the little clever part is like, adds to like. Certain people are like, oh, that was pretty clever. Other people just don't really get it and you move on.

[Mike Pesca]

And speaking of Easter eggs or eggs, another very similar joke of yours is, is about the farmer uncle who's collecting the brown eggs.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Oh yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

But you say something like, he's not woke, but he's awake earlier than you are. And you don't stop for a laugh.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

He's not woke, but he's awake at 6:00am yeah, you don't stop for a laugh.

[Mike Pesca]

You go right into.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

That's kind of like. It's almost like a funny premise.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

You know, like you don't have to pause for a laugh and people are like, oh, okay, that's, that's clever. But it's not a laugh line.

[Mike Pesca]

It's not.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

It gets them ready to laugh at the next one. I always thought that was like what I try to do. You want to make the premise funny. Because if the premise is kind of funny, they're already ready for the punchline.

[Mike Pesca]

Right.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Already on board.

[Mike Pesca]

Well, they are entertained.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Right? Entertained. They're not like, no one's like hahaha. At the wake thing, but they're like, okay. And then I can't remember what the next line is, but I oh, is that like the. When he's whispering to the brown eggs? It's like, I wish you were. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Mike Pesca]

He's collecting those brown eggs that you hipsters love so much.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's exactly it. This is going down memory lane for my jokes. I kind of. When I put out a special, I like, delete it from my memory. You have to like, this is kind of fun, honestly, to go.

[Mike Pesca]

Apparently the new jokes are offending your right wing fans on Twitter and Instagram.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

They are? Yes. Yes.

[Mike Pesca]

What were some of them?

[Jeffrey Asmus]

You know, I had a joke about how Tylenol didn't cause autism and that if you believe Tylenol causes autism, you were too dumb to. You don't have the smart enough genetics to give your children autism. You were done that. Lost some people. And some immigration jokes. Lost. Lost people. Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah. So did a couple Epstein jokes.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Lost some people as well. Yeah, yeah. Which is. Yeah. Though I thought that was surprising. But it's. It's. It's. I don't want to say. Yeah, right. When people are very thin skinned sometimes. Sometimes. About certain topics, though, like, my president's not a pedophile. He was just good friends with a pedophile. It's like, what?

[Mike Pesca]

But the guy did the exact same thing on the other side.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Now he's the pedophile. Clinton, you can't see the real criminal. Right, Right. And I hate Bill Clinton too. But it's like, can we have a little listen?

[Mike Pesca]

That's how liberal balance.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah, we have a little balance. Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

Do you think that woke people sleep later than non woke people? Because it is an interesting premise that they wake up.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I think they're more. Yeah, I think they live a later life. They probably live like a more unconventional life.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Like, kind of. I. I wake up at 11am every day, like, but I'm up till 3am every day.

[Mike Pesca]

Again, I don't know if this is a joke. It's not. It's a premise. But woke people who are awake less than non woke people are also much more inclined to say, I'm so tired, y'.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

All.

[Mike Pesca]

Maybe it has something to do with.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I'm so tired of this world. And I'm just. I'm just tired in general as well. Yeah, true.

[Mike Pesca]

I'm tired, y'.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

All. Body and soul get tired. Exactly.

[Mike Pesca]

So my way into your comedy was seeing it live, seeing it on YouTube.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Did you see me at the Cellar or where.

[Mike Pesca]

Okay.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

And you. This is not what I wanted to get to. But you frequently do wear sweatshirts with words on it. And I thought that was.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I only wear crew necks. I'm very self conscious about how skinny my arms are. And it's a Supposed to distract the audience. Yeah, I've heard that, but I think I've actually noticed people like it. That because I. I wear crew necks from places I've been, it's pretty much the only thing I like. Go to a city and if they have a cool crew neck, I'll buy one. And then people are always like, oh, you're repping La Jolla. Oh, Asbury Park. People like that. This one you can't really read, but it's from Rhode Island. But yeah, it's.

[Mike Pesca]

Oh, it says Rogue Island.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

This one's a little less noticeable, but.

[Mike Pesca]

I didn't know that it was a pun on Rhode Island. I figured with all the islands, there'.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

To be a road guy island. I think it's on Newport island. So it's like a little pun. But yeah, but I always try to wear. I think people like the distraction. I think that's. I, I have heard that thing. You don't want to distract. I think there are things that are too distracting, obviously. But like, just as one word, people are like, oh, he's from Indiana. Or I. I wear a lot of Wisconsin, Minnesota stuff. And I think people like that, especially people from there.

[Mike Pesca]

I think it can't be true. Like, Chappelle wears like his bespoke.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah, like Bernie Mac wore parents with Bernie Mac's face. Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

Like, I mean, it's like Laser is not dressing subtly.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

No, I think, I think a lot of those old school rules, like you can't wear shorts on stage. It's like, I mean, if you're funny, you can. I don't know, I think a lot of the rules are just like, if you're funny, it's fine.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

You can't bring notes on stage. I bring notes on stage every set and it's fine. It's not a big deal.

[Mike Pesca]

So I've seen you live, I've seen you on YouTube. And then I was watching a special, and on whatever platform it was, it suggests prompts, Right. And one was Jeff Asmus, Wikipedia, which is an obvious prompt. I'm like, yeah, let's learn about him.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Do I have a Wikipedia?

[Mike Pesca]

You do not.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I didn't think so.

[Mike Pesca]

What this does is it directs to an article where the headline and a joke was, here is my 1 goal in life to get a Wikipedia page.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I have said that a few times. I stand by that. That is my goal in life, to get a Wikipedia page.

[Mike Pesca]

It's important. It's an important goal and you deserve it.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I could make one myself, but that's cheating. It needs to be made organically.

[Mike Pesca]

Well, if you do, should throw off the scent by having, like some really scathing criticisms.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah. Jeffrey is one of the worst comedians ever from Woodbury, Minnesota. Yeah, yeah. And the only one also. But yeah, yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

And it's all credited to, you know, Lutheran hater.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mike Pesca]

Here's what happened. So there was no Wikipedia page. And then maybe I did one more search or it wasn't a series of clicks that made me violate your personal space, but number one result after maybe two clicks was your actual LinkedIn page.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Oh, is it still.

[Mike Pesca]

Yes. It says you are a child care professional.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I used to be a childcare professional. Or that's what you. I was basically a tutor. But you called it a childcare professional.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah, but it's very earnest.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Like, I think that yo. Because that was when I. That was probably when I was starting comedy, but I still had a day job and so I had to do the LinkedIn game for probably three years or so. I didn't know that was still up.

[Mike Pesca]

Honestly, I didn't even want to find it. I wasn't doing my classic shock.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

What does it say?

[Mike Pesca]

So here it is.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

What picture did I use?

[Mike Pesca]

Jeffrey Asmus, stand up comedian tutor and child care worker.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Oh, yeah. I worked at a summer camp for like three summers in a row.

[Mike Pesca]

And I'm just thinking that if that picture.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

That's my old head shot for Stand Up Floyd Chicago.

[Mike Pesca]

If I was like, oh, let's go to a show. And then I saw this page.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I don't know if he'd be like, is it too. He's tutoring and then going to the show. Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

I don't know what I. I used.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

To have jokes about being a teacher. Oh.

[Mike Pesca]

ESL tutor, volunteer comedian who his splash page fronts. The ESL tutor at the Literary was.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

An ESL tutor for a while. That's right. That's another life. Honestly, this is also funny.

[Mike Pesca]

And it says to present, which is a red flag on LinkedIn. When you do something to present, they don't go in and take it down.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

That is. I'm not volunteering there anymore.

[Mike Pesca]

In the field of poverty alleviation.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I was doing what? Yeah, yeah, right. I don't remember adding that. I didn't know. I just. So people still think present. I didn't. I. I got to delete that page. Honestly, is what I Have to do. I gotta go in there. That picture is embarrassing. And I know I have some real, like, business speaky paragraphs. Like, my experience with children has catalyzed my brain into forming relationships that pushed forward my career opportunities. Like, just buzzword shit. I hate LinkedIn. I always hated using LinkedIn. And it's such a soulless, vapid place.

[Mike Pesca]

You can never get off it.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I can't imagine if I had to use that for like, your life. Like, that's like what you have to do every day. Oh, that'd be hell. That'd be hell.

[Mike Pesca]

Okay, so the idea, the definition of successful comedian is one, some of your content gets your parents mad at you and causes a rift in the family.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

You can delete LinkedIn.

[Mike Pesca]

LinkedIn is nothing, honestly.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

And get a Wikipedia. If I get a Wikipedia, I'm to going good. I'm done. That's it. That's all I want.

[Mike Pesca]

What do you want to plug? That's a new. And I'll say it for the outro.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

What do we want to plug for new? Well, I got. I'm touring all over this spring, folks. The Could Be Worse tour everywhere. I mean, if you live in a city of over 200,000 people, I'll probably be there. I'm exhausted just thinking about it, but. And all my tickets are@white comedian.com. i bought that website years before it was problematic. Now it seems like an alt right thing. It was a joke. That was an example of me playing a character in like 2014. Now it is like, proud boy adjacent. But it's still my website, whitecomedian.com so.

[Mike Pesca]

You can buy them all exactly the time. If I'm doing my timeline right. That you work for the literacy network.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

That was probably when I.

[Mike Pesca]

You were a member of Phi Alpha Theta.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Oh, yeah, I did. I never. That was like one of those fraternities that. You never actually went there. I just got it because I had a certain GPA or something. I never actually went to Phi Alpha Theta. I just. It was a. I could wear like a cord at graduation. That's why I got it. I've never gone. It was like the history fraternity. That's what it was. Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

Hazing, like in the history.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

You know, they're like, this is how Genghis Khan did it. And then they butt you.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah, but you didn't say Genghis.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Not Genghis Khan. That's true. Yes, yes. I forgot. I was part of that fraternity. That's right.

[Mike Pesca]

I was part of the fraternity of.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I was teaching those People English. That's right. Those like Korean and Hispanic people. That's right. Dang through the miracle of comedy them up. They're probably speaking weird English.

[Mike Pesca]

So like cousin. Hot, hot cousin.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Finger big as pen. Yes. Yes. I ruined some lives, I'm sure.

[Mike Pesca]

Jeff Asmus, thank you for your comedy and your commitment to literacy.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

There we go. You know, I changed the light. Thank you for having me. It is Osmus.

[Mike Pesca]

Osmus.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Osmus. Well, keep it in, Keep it in. This is a learning opportunity. It's like it's a hsm. That's how I say it. It's Osus.

[Mike Pesca]

Things to do. Respell the name. Take over the LinkedIn.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Yeah. And get a Wikipedia.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah. Make amends with Lizzy.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

I think that unfortunately, if you don't know my family, the bridge unfortunately is probably burned there. But that one's probably done. They're quite mad at me. But you got to get aus right. We're German people and we're very proud of being German. We've had a few missteps over the years, but we will always return better than ever.

[Mike Pesca]

Jeff Osmus, a German and a white comedian. It's all adding up this.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Before World War II, Germany was the center of intellect and culture. We up, though. We up.

[Mike Pesca]

No doubt you could slide.

[Jeffrey Asmus]

Thank you for having me. Thank you. Absolutely. Hell yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

And that's it for today's show. Cory Wara produces the Gist. Kathleen Sykes runs the Gist List. Jeff Craig runs our media. We're looking for a great booker. A couple of you have suggested yourselves or friends. Email us if you want to book great guests for the show and other Peach Fish entities. We're at the gist@mike pesca.com who's monitoring that email and pretty much everything else. It's COO of Peachfish Productions, formerly chief bullshit officer. She's moved into the realm of the actual Michelle Pesco Umparu G Peru Duparu. And thanks for listening.