Jesse Eisenberg: "Marv Albert Is My Therapist"

Summary

The Gist – “Jesse Eisenberg: 'Marv Albert Is My Therapist'”

Date: November 29, 2025
Host: Mike Pesca (Peach Fish Productions)
Guest: Jesse Eisenberg

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Mike Pesca dusts off a classic interview with actor, playwright, and author Jesse Eisenberg, focusing on Eisenberg’s short story collection Bream Gives Me Hiccups and Other Stories. The conversation traverses Eisenberg’s writing style, observations about childhood and adulthood, the artifice of dialogue, fame, and the responsibilities of playing real people (notably Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network). The episode climaxes with a live performance of Eisenberg’s comedic piece “Marv Albert Is My Therapist,” with Pesca assuming the role of the famed sportscaster.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jesse Eisenberg’s Kidney Donation (00:52–05:24)

• Pesca reflects on Eisenberg’s altruism, specifically his real-life decision to donate a kidney. He contrasts public advocacy versus direct action:
  • Quote: “I worry a lot about the world and put things into the gist, but he does things about them.” — Mike Pesca (04:18)
• Commentary on the motivations and implications of celebrities performing good deeds both publicly and privately.

2. Bream Gives Me Hiccups: The Title and Its Significance (07:46–09:22)

• Eisenberg explains the origin and playful ambiguity of the book’s title.
  • The word “bream” is contested regionally, providing comedic fodder.
  • Eisenberg: “It's a funny word. It's a controversial word I've discovered, because it's pronounced differently depending on if you're from the Union or Confederacy.” (08:13)
• Discussion shifts to the first story’s conceit: a nine-year-old restaurant reviewer.

3. Writing from a Child’s Perspective (09:26–11:46)

• Eisenberg describes his initial goal of lampooning precocious children but found that a child's earnest, unfiltered viewpoint offered real insight:
  • Quote: "I realized, oh, no, this actually should be a real character with real thoughts and a worldview that, you know, kind of supersedes my own profound worldview, which is limited." — Jesse Eisenberg (09:26)
• Children as honest observers—keen at noticing adult hypocrisy.

4. Dialogue in Writing, Theater, and Film (11:56–14:48)

• Pesca highlights the distinct nature of dialogue in stories, plays, and movies.
  • Eisenberg admits that while descriptive prose eludes him, he thrives in dialogue and interior monologue.
    • “I do write dialogue well. I really enjoy kind of writing an interior monologue rather than ... a description of something omnisciently.” — Jesse Eisenberg (12:37)
• Performance and context change how dialogue feels and lands (Pesca's Paul Newman anecdote).

5. Anthropology, Observation, and Acting (15:06–16:57)

• Eisenberg discusses his anthropology studies—his “observer” instinct, paralleling his writing and acting.
  • Eisenberg: “Before I was an actor who got noticed on the Street. I would spend a lot of my time eavesdropping. I can't do that as easily or as readily now, but that was my favorite thing to do.” (15:50)

6. Fame and Public Persona (16:57–17:54)

• The peculiar social dynamic of being recognized—how fame destroys anonymity but can create instant access to others.
  • On being typecast as Zuckerberg: “Since I was born, that's how people have been kind of referring to me, which is then strange because they actually made a movie about that guy and…” — Jesse Eisenberg (17:36)

7. Playing True-Life Characters: The Social Network (17:54–19:55)

• The tension between accuracy, performance, and narrative in Hollywood:
  • Eisenberg’s take: “Accuracy is great insofar as it supports the tone or the story or the texture of the piece.” (18:54)
• Discussion of verisimilitude in film (reference to Spotlight and Selma).

8. “Marv Albert Is My Therapist” Live Performance (23:11–27:24)

(See segment below for detailed highlights)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On the Art and Comedy of Dialogue

• Mike Pesca (on dialogue in plays versus movies):
  “There are different things we'd call great dialogue, but I think they'd all be really different. Not just length, but the thing we call great dialogue in a movie and the thing we'd say, oh, it reads like real life dialogue in a book are totally different.” (13:04)
• Jesse Eisenberg:
  “A lot of times the success of that dialogue or failure has to do with the actor's presentation of it. Whereas dialogue in just a red document, I suppose, lives and dies on its construction within the page.” (13:38)

On Writing from a Child’s Mind

• Jesse Eisenberg:
  “Not only could I find his worldview to present an authentic adult world, but actually, in some way, it was more insightful because he is seeing through the hypocrisies that adults have all agreed upon to get through the day.” (11:17)

On Navigating Fame

• Jesse Eisenberg:
  “I'm also in this very weird position where I'm very rarely in a position where I don't know the people, because people feel like they know me by virtue of being in mainstream things... It's like a universal icebreaker in a way.” (17:17)

On Hollywood Depictions of Reality

• Jesse Eisenberg:
  “One of the ways we engage with fiction is relating it to real life. It's this thing that Hollywood ... does well a lot, but it's a trick, which is that it gives you the illusion that you're learning something important so you're not just wasting the two hours...” (18:54)

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Segment Highlights & Timestamps

1. Interview Introduction & Kidney Anecdote (00:52–05:24)

• Pesca’s affectionate ribbing about Eisenberg’s virtues and the saga of his kidney donation.

2. Origin of “Bream Gives Me Hiccups” & Observing Childhood (07:46–11:46)

• Explores the book’s title, concept, and approach to a child’s perspective in storytelling.

3. The Nature of Dialogue in Writing vs. Movies (11:56–14:48)

• Comparison between different kinds of dialogue writing and the critical role of performance.

4. Anthropology & Fame (15:06–17:54)

• Eisenberg on his background, curiosity, and how recognition alters human interaction.

5. Portraying Real People (“The Social Network”) (17:54–19:55)

• Reflection on the good and bad of dramatizing real lives for public consumption.

6. Comedy Sketch – “Marv Albert Is My Therapist” (23:11–27:24)

Performance Highlights

• Eisenberg as “Me,” Pesca as “Marv Albert” (in sportscaster voice).
• Memorable Lines:
  • “A playoff atmosphere in here tonight?” — Pesca as Marv Albert (24:34)
  • “Out of bounds.” / “Unbelievable.” — Pesca as Marv Albert, responding to client woes (24:44, 24:47)
  • “A dozen unanswered.” (24:53) / “Stuck outside the perimeter.” (24:58)
  • “You’ve got to foul.” — Parody of sportscaster lingo as therapeutic advice (25:39)
  • “A jumper from the top of the key.” — On the client’s suicidal ideation (26:58)
  • “Not in my house!” — Pesca’s exaggerated save as Marv Albert (27:16)
  • “An easy loss to get over.” / “The world would be better off without me, right Dr. Albert?” … “Yes. And it counts.” (27:22–27:24)
• The sketch satirizes sports lingo’s total unsuitability for therapy, culminating in black comedy merged with catchphrases.

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Conclusion

This episode of The Gist delivers a blend of sharp cultural observation, self-aware banter, and meta-humor. Eisenberg’s knack for dissecting social conventions—whether in satire or serious fiction—comes through vividly, and Pesca’s playful interviewing style allows for in-depth yet entertaining exploration. For fans of both actorly introspection and absurdist comedy, especially the “Marv Albert” sketch (23:11–27:24), this episode stands out as a smart, memorable listen.

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Recommended Segment:
“Marv Albert Is My Therapist” live reading: 23:11–27:24
An absurd, laugh-out-loud demonstration of Eisenberg’s humor and the chemistry between guest and host.

Transcript

[Mike Pesca]

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[Mike Pesca]

Couple of wonderful deals for the holidays. And today I want to tell you about our substack behind the Paywall price discount. So it used to be that to get access to all our just list offerings where I make great jokes, where I tell you about stories you might not have heard about, for instance, the roller skating elephant and his love affair with a woman, there's a lot of lawsuits involved, There's a lot of chicanery and almost near death experiences. I found that story. I'm giving it to you. So it's not just the fines. It's how I break down, say, an Oval Office visit in a way you won't find on the Gist because I have too many things to get to. So this is all on substack. It is for paid subscribers to our substack. The Gist list is now. Are you ready? $49 a year. It's going up to 5,999 because of tariffs after January 4th. But from now to January 4th, I want you to be able to get in for $49 a year. And and the way to do it is to text 33777 and text the word Mike. I'm Mike. I'm giving you the Gist list because I care. And if you care about supporting weird stories about trapping bobcats in Indiana and a lot of other things, you will subscribe for only 49. Not the 55 it was until now. Not the 5,999 that these Trump tariffs are forcing us into, but for only $49, text Mike 233777. It's Saturday, November 29, 2025 from Peach Fish Productions. It's the Gist. I'm Mike Pesca and what I've been doing the last couple days, we had real shows in the front part of the week. But what I've been doing the last couple days is playing some very old interviews, so old that they can't quite be accessed by going to the gist. 300 episodes officially on the feed, but they're cutting them off for some reason at a thousand. So what I could do is I reach a dip back into the past and I reach for the greats. And this was the first interview that I had, I believe was the first with Jesse Eisenberg, who's longtime listener of the show. And you will know from this interview, you might hear something different in Jesse's voice, his demeanor. This was recorded when Jesse had both his kidneys. Ok, you may have read the news that Jesse has decided to donate a kidney. He might be a better person than all of us. Like, I knew he was better than me. He worried a lot about the world, but also put things into action. I worry a lot about the world and put things into the gist, but he does things about him. And here's the thing with someone like Jesse Eisenberg and someone in his situation, I'm sure that there have been other very, very good, good, truly altruistic people who had a high level of fame. And whenever they would float this idea, I assume to their friends and loved ones, they would say, wouldn't the best thing be for someone in your position not to actually get the surgery that's going to help one person, but to publicly talk about the surgery or just talk about causes? And I would guess that this was very enticing to the person who wants to be seen as giving. And also, yeah, it does something. It's not nothing if you talk about kidney donation. But Jesse, I'm assuming, was smart enough to see through all the loved ones who are worried about him giving up a kidney because there are some downsides. Were smart enough to say, yes, but if I talk about it and do it, that will make the talk all the more potent. Think of the attention I would get for saying someone else should give a kidney. The answer is almost no attention. But the attention I could get for giving a kidney and saying, hey, you do what you want. I can't tell you what to do. It's a massive amount of attention. So this interview goes back. Oh, so yeah, so this is pre one kidney unicid Jesse Eisenberg. This is when he was firing on all kidneys, as the. As the saying goes. All right, so in 2016, I too, was trying to get Jesse attention. We also do some acting, some interplay. My inner thespian comes in. He said I did a passable Marv Albert impersonation to which I could only say yes. I don't know. Does that. Is that. That's probably a morph sounds now.

[Sports Commentator]

Yes.

[Mike Pesca]

Jesse Eisenberg Many kidneys. Let's just do an inventory check. Spleen, two lungs. All the organs. So many organs. Full of organs. Back then, Jesse Eisenberg truly had a surfeit of organs. He had an excess of organs. He's addressing that now. So Jesse from 2016. I sometimes struggle to find gifts to give for my mom and dad especially. But now I have a great idea because I've been using Cove Pure. Cove Pure is a way to get without fancy hookups. Get great water, great tasting water and water that is, as half of the name implies or flat out promises, pure. It makes your water taste very, very good. Pure, clean, no aftertaste. But sometimes it gets those contaminants slash floaties down to single digits. It's lab certified to remove 99.9 of contaminants from your water. That includes stuff like PFAS and pharmaceuticals, fluoride, lead, arsenic. The purest water you could get and so easy to install. Fits right on the countertop. Looks great doing so. So if you're looking for a gift that's good for your loved ones and one they will actually use, I highly recommend Cove Pure. And because I have partnered with them, they're giving you a special $250 holiday discount with my link. Cove Pure.com/the gist that C O V E p u r e.com/the gist to get $250 off covepure.com the gist hurry before the sale ends.

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[Mike Pesca]

Jesse Eisenberg, the playwright and author, is out with a new collection of short stories, Bream Gives Me Hiccups and Other Stories. We're going to talk to him about that and about the fact that he's also named after that famous actor guy.

[Sports Commentator]

Wait a minute.

[Mike Pesca]

He is the actor guy. Hello, Jesse, how are you?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Hi. Great. Thanks, Mike.

[Mike Pesca]

Bream is a funny word.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes, it is. Thanks a lot.

[Mike Pesca]

Yes, and in fact, it's so funny you put it on the COVID But is it actually in the book?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

No, no, I just. I wanted people to judge the book by its cover positively, so I had an entirely inaccurate cover drawn. Yeah. It's a funny word. It's a controversial word I've discovered, because it's pronounced differently depending on if you're from the Union or Confederacy.

[Mike Pesca]

Okay. So I heard you on the Diane Ream show where this came up.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Sure.

[Mike Pesca]

Or the Diane Rim show, maybe.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Here's an email from Nick who says the fish bream is universally spoken bream.

[Mike Pesca]

But I thought, well, that's like someone saying it's not pronounced creek, it's pronounced crick.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

What, you mean like a water Body of water?

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah. You know, in the south they'd say it's a crick.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Oh, I see.

[Mike Pesca]

I see. I think that when something spelled B R, E, a M. Yes. And famous baseball player Sid Bream led the way on this, that we must pronounce it bream.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes. Except I think I gave that guy a creak in his shoulder from his anger.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah, creak in the neck. And the reason it's called bream gives me hiccups. Is the person saying that is a nine year old restaurant reviewer.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah, that's right.

[Mike Pesca]

So when I heard, or when I read the chapter title which promised me a nine year old restaurant reviewer, I kind of braced myself because I thought it was going to be one of these kids who will say, I don't like the mouth feel of this, or who will actually critique based on a place of information. I find a 9 year old doing that really obnoxious.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes, me too. And that was my initial idea with writing. So wouldn't it be funny to have a kind of nine year old restaurant critic evaluating food that he should not be allowed to have purchased? And then once I started writing it, I realized, oh, no, this actually should be a real character with real thoughts and a worldview that, you know, kind of supersedes my own profound worldview, which is limited.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah. And the kind of kid who really won't like super fancy food and really will like Museum of Natural History dinosaur nuggets.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

That's exactly right. Yeah. Which is true. So I actually, I saw. I went to Nobu Malibu, which is a fancy restaurant, obviously, in California. Date with my girlfriend. It was an anniversary. It was a big date for us. And there was kids sitting next to us at the next table. And the little girl was asking her mother, mom, do I like hamachi? The mom was saying, no, Honey, you don't like hamachi. She was saying, do I like tamago? Oh, she said, yes, that is. That's egg. You like that one? And I just thought, oh, that's. That seems odd. Where do they go from that context? Yes. And then on the other hand, I grew up going to Chi Chi's, which was the local Mexican restaurant. And I imagine that, you know, there were some kids who never got to go to restaurant, so I imagine it's all relative.

[Mike Pesca]

But didn't they serve chips at a sombrero at Chi Chi's? The ridge of the sombrero.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes. And then the dip was in the head part.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes, exactly. So what, you're saying I get a pass?

[Mike Pesca]

No, I'm saying it was an upscale. Right. That to me is upscale.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Oh, I see. I see. What did. Where did. What did they serve your chips as a child?

[Mike Pesca]

They served it in the hamachi.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Oh, okay.

[Mike Pesca]

Within. So this we should say that it's not just a gag. I thought I was very happy to read kind of seven restaurant reviews written by a little kid, but it adds up to a novella. Essentially, there's an arc.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

That's right.

[Mike Pesca]

We find out about the kid's relationship with the mother, and we find out about take and observations. And so it strikes me that that's a challenge for a writer because you want to observe things, but you also have to make the observations authentic as coming from a nine year old.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah, that's right. But I think what I discovered was that not only could I find his worldview to present an authentic adult world, but actually, in some way it was more insightful because he is seeing through the hypocrisies that adults have all agreed upon to get through the day.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah, it's. It's more pure. It's less sullied. It's an Emperor's New Clothes thing. They. They're. They're literally not seeing a lot of the window dressing. They're just going right to the quintessence of, say, a lie or hypocrisy. Kids notice hypocrisy is they don't even. Because they don't see around the hypocrisy.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

That's right. In fact, he even says something along the lines of kids think more like themselves because they haven't spent so much time with other people.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah. These are the dangers of being habituated.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes, exactly.

[Mike Pesca]

So I also noticed most of. There are a few towards the back that this is not true of, but almost all the essays and short stories and just bits of whimsy in this collection are what we'd call third person. But more than that, it's not just that. It doesn't say I. They're. They're speak. Their second person. Actually, they're speaking to an intended audience, their dialogue. And even when they're epistolary, like Harper Jablonski. Great name. I'll get back to that. When Harper Jablonski is writing letters, you know, it's all like dialogue or some version of dialogue meant to have an impact on the audience. And I couldn't help but thinking, well, all of your past writing, I think that's been published, is plays. And so I wonder if that was a coincidence.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah. I found in college and in short story classes that I don't describe sunsets well, but I do write dialogue well. I can. I really enjoy kind of writing an interior monologue rather than, you know, a description of something omnisciently. I'd rather describe a person kind of being annoyed by a sunset. Cause it's making their face itch. Cause they haven't been out in the sun. Than describing the orange hues that are, you know, being emitted. I just don't do that.

[Mike Pesca]

Well, when we talk about dialogue is the dialogue that's presented here, which is good. And the dialogue that you'd write for a stage show versus the dialogue. So 1 versus 2 versus 3, which is movie dialogue. There are different things we'd call great dialogue, but I think they'd all be really different. Not just length, but the thing we call great dialogue in a movie. And the thing we'd say, oh, it reads like real life dialogue in a book are totally different.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Oh, that's very interesting. And I suppose that has to do with when we referring to dialogue in a movie, it's usually being filtered through an actor's performance.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

And a lot of times the success of that dialogue or failure has to do with the actor's presentation of it.

[Mike Pesca]

Absolutely.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Whereas dialogue in just a red document, I suppose, lives and dies on its construction within the page.

[Mike Pesca]

I'm sure you've had this happen to you a hundred times more than I have. But I remember I read Paul Newman's scene. Final address to the jury in the verdict. I read it on the page in a monologue book for young actors. Actually, like, this is great. And I performed it. And I performed it. Yeah. I'm telling you how I performed this. But anyway, I performed it taking notes as I. As I imagined, like impassioned lawyer would perform it. And I pounded my fist And I think I got the role of Captain Hook in Peter Pan. Then I saw the actual movie, and it's totally different, and he's totally defeated. And you're like, wow, those are two totally different bits of dialogue.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Let me ask, did you prefer his take on it?

[Mike Pesca]

Well, you know, I didn't really understand the whole character arc. And I can't say I'm. I mean, I was better as Hud, and I was better as Cool Hand Loose, but he was better as Frank, the Italian. Yeah.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

It's ironic that he actually played those roles then. You know, it almost seems like what was lost in your absence.

[Mike Pesca]

It is odd. I do have a spreadsheet of roles that Newman was better than me and roles that I was better than Newman. And it's 5050 right now.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Is there any kind of a Venn diagram presentation of it where there's an overlap? Mm. What?

[Mike Pesca]

We're both excellent at salad dressing. We keep it simple.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Right, right, right. Proceeds.

[Mike Pesca]

Because he's much better. His due. That's fine.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Okay. Right.

[Mike Pesca]

I have my brand of Mike Pesca's Paul Newman salad dressing.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

All proceeds go to your own coffers.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah, right. It gets funneled through a third agency. Did you go to college?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah, I went for anthropology, though.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah.

[Mike Pesca]

Your mom's an anthropologist of some sort?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

No, no, close. She was a birthday party clown.

[Mike Pesca]

Right, right. But then. But now she's getting a doctorate in.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes, she is. Yeah. Very good. Yes, that is true. Yeah. My mom's. She's getting a doctorate in medical humanities.

[Mike Pesca]

Medical human. But it also would seem to me that you're simultaneously in the world of acting, but also in the world of observing. And we know that actors are supposed to be observers, but when you're memorizing, when you're remembering the lines and saying the lines and doing the business, how much observing can you be doing? So this is the book of an observer. This is the book of an anthropologist.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes, exactly. Yeah. That's what I liked about kind of my studies in college was, you know, I was, you know, as an actor, an acting class. You're kind of really doing a lot of performing and a lot of self analysis. You know, what roles can I play? How can I change myself to play this role that I probably wouldn't play in the real world, but that I can play in acting class? And with what I studied, your own performance, you're only considering your own place in the world in relation to other cultures or other places. And before I was an actor who got noticed on the Street. I would spend a lot of my time eavesdropping. I can't do that as easily or as readily now, but that was my favorite thing to do.

[Mike Pesca]

That must suck, being noticed all the time.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

It sucks if you're interested in eavesdropping. It doesn't suck if you're interested in asking people about themselves, which is what I do. So when I meet people, I get to find out and ask them kind of invasive questions because they've already burdened me with asking me something so I can turn the tables and I can ask them about themselves. So it actually provides this unusual window into getting to interact with somebody who is otherwise a stranger.

[Mike Pesca]

But do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Well, I guess like anybody else, it depends on the context. But I'm really extroverted when I'm alone at home.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah, but when you. I guess, classic definition. If you're at a social event with people you don't know, does it SAP your power or does it SAP your energy or does it give you energy?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

I don't know. I'm also in this very weird position where I'm very rarely in a position where I don't know the people, because people feel like they know me by virtue of being in mainstream things.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

And so it's kind of like the. It's like a universal icebreaker in a way.

[Mike Pesca]

Do people feel they know you as Zuckerberg first and then everything else second? Do they feel they know you?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Since I was born, that's how people have been kind of referring to me, which is then strange because they actually made a movie about that guy and.

[Mike Pesca]

The role he was born to play.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes, exactly.

[Mike Pesca]

Also, he's a bald, multi billionaire, super genius evil guy. That's the other thing they always said about you.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

When I was first born, I was one of those things. Yes, exactly.

[Mike Pesca]

I want to ask you about. This is what I wanted to ask you about the Social Network in Zuckerberg, because I think you were great in that. And of course, the guy you were playing. I've heard in interviews you say, well, the real guy, and it's not you. Obviously it's not you. He's a jumping off point for some ideas about the character. Ideas that Aaron Sorkin fleshed out in a great way. Ideas that you filled up with, how you played it. And yet isn't there a value? This is what I don't know the answer to. There is a value to the fact that we really did use his name. And there is a little Bit of extra excitement when you say based on a true story. And I just interviewed the actors from Spotlight.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Right.

[Mike Pesca]

And they said, you know, one of the great things about Ruffalo is he really got the real guy's mannerisms.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Right.

[Mike Pesca]

So on the one hand, the verisimilitude is something we prize, but on the other hand, the fact that it's so not real is something we should not only accept, but have find a value in there.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Right.

[Mike Pesca]

I mean, I have no question. But I know you've thought about this.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

I thought about it a lot. And I think, like, accuracy is great insofar as it supports the tone or the story or the texture of the piece. I think one of the ways we engage with fiction is relating it to real life. It's this thing that Hollywood, I think, does well a lot, but it's a trick, which is that it gives you the illusion that you're learning something important so you're not just wasting the two hours that it'll somehow inform a real world thing you're going to discuss.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah. And I think the discussion we have about that is a little bit of a stunted discussion, which is, hey, come on, it's Hollywood. They have to. They have to take some shortcuts. But when they don't take shortcuts or when it's so accurate, then that becomes this breath of fresh air. Well, then what does that say about Selma and all the excuses we gave about how LBJ was portrayed in Selma?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Right.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

I just always think, I hope they don't make anything about me. And because I can't imagine even if the most kind of accurate depiction or the most honorable or nobly intended depiction of a. It still must be very uncomfortable for the people that are being depicted.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah. Tell me about the thing with Marv Albert, because I remember reading it in the New Yorker.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

I was just, I love Marv Albert. I've grown up with Marv Albert. And I was just thinking, this guy would be the worst therapist because all of his utterances are the opposite of. They're funny, but they're not sympathetic, you know, out of bounds. And just these things that seem. They're just. It's the exact opposite context of therapy, which is the kind of quiet, contemplative, nodding and understanding and, you know, commiseration. And so I just thought, oh, that's a kind of funny juxtaposition of therapy context.

[Mike Pesca]

I was thinking that the worst. The actual worst broadcaster as a therapist would be any football broadcaster, because at least Marv Albert doesn't use the word basketball in his catchphrases. Where in football it's always about protecting the football and moving the football down the field. And I don't know what the therapy version of that, you know, psyche. You gotta protect the psyche you got. Like once you start explicitly referencing your. I don't think therapy could work. I don't know, but I don't think it could work.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

That's right. Yeah, that's right. It's funny. So I listen to your podcast every day. I also listen to a podcast called the Starters. These NBA, the guys that talk about the NBA. And I like them too. And I was actually listening to them today and whenever they want to make a declarative statement to kind of finalize or create a thesis around their discussion, they will use the word basketball player. Ye really is though, just a great basketball player. You know, they have to kind of. It's a basketball part. It's a basketball. They can't. They're only discussing basketball players and they have to make the distinction of what his sport is.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah, that would be good. For other. Hi, welcome to NPR Politics where we talk about politician. Let's talk about politician Jeb Bush and then politics. Going up against politician Marco Rubio who really knows how to play the game of politics.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

You know, Marco Rubio is just a really good Republican politician.

[Mike Pesca]

If you want a Republican politician, you look no better. Look no further than Marco Rubio. All right. Jesse Eisenberg is an Academy Award nominated actor. I mean, okay, you're lucky to be nominated. But I just read it because it's the first thing in your bio.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Right. Okay.

[Mike Pesca]

Like it references the thing you didn't win. Everything else that I'm gonna reference is an accomplishment.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Great successes.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah. And then the thing you didn't win.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

I was going to put is a second place Academy Award winning actor.

[Sports Commentator]

Right?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes.

[Mike Pesca]

He was in the final four. What if we glom. What if we took that construct and put it with acting? He was in the final four of acting one year.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Actors. Acting is a kind of notoriously self aggrandizing profession. We never all things are wins.

[Mike Pesca]

Yeah.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes.

[Mike Pesca]

Except when they see the faces. He is the author of three plays and his new collection is Bream Gives Me Hiccups and Other Stories. Thanks a lot, Jesse.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Thanks a lot, Mike.

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[Mike Pesca]

And now the spiel.

[Sports Commentator]

Special guest.

[Mike Pesca]

Our special guest is Jesse Eisenberg, who's going to be on tomorrow. And I'll be interviewing Jesse about his new collection of funny stories and bits. Bream gives me hiccups. Jesse's actually here right now. Hello, Jesse.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Hi, Mike.

[Mike Pesca]

See, I could prove it.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes. True.

[Mike Pesca]

Just like that way. Yeah. And so what we're gonna do is one of his stories, one of his vignettes. Yeah. That's the word you use.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes, that's a collection of vignettes, but.

[Mike Pesca]

You use it for things like salad dressing. You use it improperly is what I'm saying.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah, I was gonna call it a mignonet of stories.

[Mike Pesca]

One of them is called Marv Albert is My Therapist. And it's a dialogue between a character called me. Jesse will be playing the character called me, and I'll be playing Marv Albert. And I just want everyone to know I do a fairly terrible Marv Albert impression right now. Jesse, how will you be able to tell that I do a fairly terrible Marv Albert? What do you have it to judge against?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Right. I actually recorded this with Marv Albert so listeners could stop now and go to the real thing. But.

[Mike Pesca]

Right, but a percentage of listeners will want me doing Marv Albert rather than that hack who does the Marv Albert in the same way all the time.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Right. What percentage is the question.

[Mike Pesca]

All right. Yeah. This percentage that is now listening to the spiel. And now Marv Albert is my therapist.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Hi, Dr. Albert.

[Sports Commentator]

A playoff atmosphere in here tonight?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Well, it's been a tough week. My mother came to visit me from downtown. Yeah. And of course, she immediately asked if I was still sleeping with Sarah.

[Sports Commentator]

Out of bounds.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Exactly. It's not her business.

[Sports Commentator]

Unbelievable.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah. And Sarah won't even return my call.

[Sports Commentator]

Rejected.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

I called her, like, 12 times last night.

[Sports Commentator]

A dozen unanswered.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

I don't know why I'm surprised. We haven't been intimate in months.

[Sports Commentator]

Stuck outside the perimeter.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah.

[Sports Commentator]

Unable to penetrate, I guess. Just can't find the hole.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

That's a little crass, but yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I actually met this other girl, Becky.

[Sports Commentator]

A clutch rebound.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

She's a waitress.

[Sports Commentator]

Another easy opportunity.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

She's just coming out of a messy divorce.

[Sports Commentator]

Oh, Liah.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

And she said she hasn't been on a date in years.

[Sports Commentator]

Uncontested.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Everything seemed to be going really well. I actually. I took her back to my apartment.

[Sports Commentator]

Off to a great start.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

We were on the bed.

[Sports Commentator]

Great hands.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Oh, thanks, Dr. Albert. But she suddenly got, like, freaked out and made some weird excuse.

[Sports Commentator]

An explosion of emotions. Yeah, pandemonium.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Right.

[Sports Commentator]

For no reason, no choice but to foul.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

What?

[Sports Commentator]

You've got to foul.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Sorry, what are you suggesting?

[Sports Commentator]

With the game on the line, you've got to foul.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

I would never hurt her.

[Sports Commentator]

Then that's the ball game.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Well, yeah. She threw on her jacket and ran out.

[Sports Commentator]

Traveling.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes. I called after her.

[Sports Commentator]

Called for traveling.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

But she left me there just stunned, Unable to recover. Yes. I tried to run after her, trying.

[Sports Commentator]

To stop a breakaway, but she slammed.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

The door in my face.

[Sports Commentator]

Stuffed.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah. So I'm just standing there alone in.

[Sports Commentator]

My apartment, just letting the clock expire.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah. And then, of course, I started feeling terrible about Sarah again.

[Sports Commentator]

Back to back losses at home.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah. Hey, you think I'll ever get over her?

[Sports Commentator]

No. A quick word from our sponsor.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Sorry, what?

[Sports Commentator]

Visit your local Ford dealer to check out the new Ford suv. The Ford Flex.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

What? You know I can't afford a car right now.

[Sports Commentator]

It's the best in its class.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

I was never the best in my class.

[Sports Commentator]

Have you driven a Ford lately?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

No. I can't drive.

[Mike Pesca]

And we're back.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

I've been sitting here the whole time.

[Mike Pesca]

Refusing to go away.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah, well, I've paid for the whole hour.

[Sports Commentator]

We're going to overtime.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

We are?

[Sports Commentator]

Yes.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Will I be charged?

[Sports Commentator]

Yes.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

How much?

[Sports Commentator]

Double, double, triple, Triple. A triple, double.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Did my insurance say they would cover it?

[Sports Commentator]

Rejected.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah, I figured.

[Sports Commentator]

Time for one more.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Okay. Dr. Albert. I feel like I have nothing left to live for.

[Sports Commentator]

Things are not looking good.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah. Sometimes I feel like I should just throw myself out the window.

[Sports Commentator]

A jumper from the top of the key.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah. I feel like it's the only solution.

[Mike Pesca]

A quick fade away.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Exactly.

[Sports Commentator]

Dagger, dagger, straight down the middle.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

That seems a little bloody.

[Sports Commentator]

A bullet.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

A bullet.

[Sports Commentator]

A high percentage shot.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

That is tempting.

[Sports Commentator]

One shot could end this whole thing.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

It would be so simple.

[Sports Commentator]

A solid execution.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Okay, I'll do it.

[Sports Commentator]

Not in my house.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

No, no, no, of course not. No. And no one would even miss me.

[Sports Commentator]

An easy loss to get over.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

The world would be better off without me. Right, Dr. Albert?

[Sports Commentator]

Yes. And it counts.

[Mike Pesca]

And that's it for today's show. Cory Warra produces the Jest. Michelle Pesca. I'll list her next. First in my heart, she is the COO of Peach Fish Productions. And then there's Jeff Craig. He oversees all of our socials. And Kathleen Sykes. Very much helps me with the gist list. Thanks for listening.

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