901: 5 Expert-Backed Mindset Shifts That Will Change the Way You Work, Rest, and Dream

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Goal Digger Podcast | Episode 901: 5 Expert-Backed Mindset Shifts That Will Change the Way You Work, Rest, and Dream

Introduction

In Episode 901 of The Goal Digger Podcast, host Jenna Kutcher delves into transformative mindset shifts essential for entrepreneurs, creatives, and women in business. Titled "5 Expert-Backed Mindset Shifts That Will Change the Way You Work, Rest, and Dream," this episode features insights from notable experts Mel Robbins, Jamie Kern Lima, Vasavi Kumar, and Jen Gottlieb. These shifts aim to redefine success, enhance personal well-being, and foster business growth by addressing internal barriers and promoting mental resilience.

1. The “Let Them” Theory: Reclaiming Your Power Guest: Mel Robbins [04:27]

Mel Robbins introduces the “Let Them” Theory, a powerful approach to diminishing the fear of others' opinions. She emphasizes the importance of relinquishing control over what others think to free oneself from unnecessary stress and self-doubt.

Key Points:

• Empowerment Through Letting Go: By allowing others to think negative thoughts, you release the uncontrollable fear that hinders personal and professional growth.
• Shift in Focus: Instead of fearing negative perceptions, redirect your energy towards aligning actions with personal values and goals.
• Practical Application: In stressful situations, such as waiting in a long line, consciously remind yourself, “Let them think negative thoughts,” which leads to internal peace and controlled responses.

Notable Quote:

“When you say let them think negative thoughts, you're actually releasing control of something you could never control.” – Mel Robbins [04:27]

2. Distinguishing Self-Confidence from Self-Worth Guest: Jamie Kern Lima [17:06]

Jamie Kern Lima, founder of IT Cosmetics, explores the critical difference between self-confidence and self-worth. She argues that while self-confidence is often built through external achievements, self-worth is an internal recognition of one's inherent value.

Key Points:

• Self-Confidence: Based on external achievements and can be fragile, fluctuating with successes and failures.
• Self-Worth: An unshakable internal belief in one's value, independent of external validation.
• Impact on Ambition: Higher self-worth fuels greater ambition and fearlessness, as it provides a solid foundation that self-confidence alone cannot.

Notable Quote:

“Self worth is the deep internal knowing that you are worthy of love and belonging exactly as you are.” – Jamie Kern Lima [18:08]

3. Mastering Self-Talk to Enhance Self-Perception Guest: Vasavi Kumar [32:43]

Therapist and author Vasavi Kumar discusses the detrimental effects of negative self-talk and offers strategies to cultivate a positive internal dialogue. She introduces the “Badass List” as a tool to reinforce self-worth and combat imposter syndrome.

Key Points:

• Origin of Negative Self-Talk: Not inherent at birth but learned through external criticism and societal pressures.
• The Badass List: A personal inventory of achievements and strengths that reinforce self-worth when self-doubt arises.
• Practical Exercise: Write down your accomplishments and read them aloud as if affirming someone else's worth, thereby internalizing the positive self-perception.

Notable Quote:

“Confidence is built from consistently sticking with the commitments you make with yourself.” – Vasavi Kumar [43:37]

4. Overcoming Imposter Syndrome Through Action Guests: Vasavi Kumar and Jen Gottlieb [39:29]

The conversation continues with strategies to overcome imposter syndrome, emphasizing the importance of taking action despite fear. Vasavi shares actionable steps to build confidence by repeatedly engaging in challenging tasks.

Key Points:

• Imposter Syndrome as Fear Manifested: Manifestations include perfectionism, analysis paralysis, and comparisonitis.
• Confidence Continuum: Each act of courage adds to your “confidence bank,” making subsequent challenges easier to face.
• Celebrating Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate each achievement, no matter how small, to reinforce self-trust and confidence.

Notable Quote:

“Confidence can be created. It actually can be created over time, but it does take a little bit of discomfort.” – Vasavi Kumar [43:38]

5. Protecting Your Peace by Prioritizing Principles Over Loyalty Guest: Jamie Kern Lima [21:11]

Jamie emphasizes the importance of being loyal to one's principles rather than to people or detrimental behaviors. By setting clear personal guidelines, individuals can maintain their peace and focus on what truly matters.

Key Points:

• Principles Over Loyalty: Prioritizing core values ensures actions align with personal and professional goals.
• Setting Boundaries: Establishing what is non-negotiable in your life helps protect your energy and maintain focus.
• Long-Term Fulfillment: Adhering to principles leads to sustainable success and inner peace, unlike fleeting external validations.

Notable Quote:

“When my feelings say I want to do it or I want to say yes, but I look at the facts and say, the facts say, man, if I say yes, in this 90 days or no, I already know what's going to lead.” – Jamie Kern Lima [22:22]

Conclusion and Key Takeaways

Episode 901 of The Goal Digger Podcast offers a comprehensive exploration of five pivotal mindset shifts that can transform how individuals work, rest, and dream. By letting go of uncontrollable external opinions, distinguishing self-worth from self-confidence, mastering self-talk, taking courageous action to overcome imposter syndrome, and protecting personal peace through principled loyalty, listeners are equipped with actionable strategies to enhance both personal well-being and business success.

Final Thoughts: Jenna Kutcher wraps up the episode by encouraging listeners to integrate these mindset shifts into their daily lives, fostering a balanced and empowered approach to achieving their goals. She invites the audience to engage with the podcast community for ongoing support and inspiration.

Notable Quote from Jenna:

“One bold move at a time. Wherever today's episode met you, I hope you walk away with one big mindset shift. You're ready to live out.” – Jenna Kutcher [46:02]

Resources: For further details, show notes, discount codes from sponsors, and additional business-building resources, visit goaldiggerpodcast.com.

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This detailed summary encapsulates the essence of Episode 901, highlighting key discussions, actionable insights, and inspirational quotes from esteemed guests, providing valuable takeaways for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Jenna Kutcher]

Today's episode is sponsored in part by Greenlight, Bitdefender, LinkedIn and Shopify. Teach your kids real world money skills with Greenlight. Start your risk free trial [e-mail] Golddigger Protect your small business with BitDefender Ultimate Small Business Security Save 30% when you go to BitDefender.com Golddigger Reach the right professionals with LinkedIn ads used by over a billion professionals worldwide. Get your 100 [e-mail] goal. Join millions of entrepreneurs using Shopify, the global commerce platform that helps you grow your business. Start your $1 per month [e-mail] Golddigger as always, you can find all of our incredible deals in the show Notes. Now let's dive in. This episode is brought to you by Bitdefender, a global leader in cybersecurity. Now let's be real. When you run a business from your laptop like I do, everything matters. Your clients, your calendar, your passwords. It's all digital. And if you're like me, you don't have an IT department waiting in the wings to fix things when they break. The truth is, small businesses are some of the biggest targets for cyber attacks and most entrepreneurs aren't prepared. With so much riding on our digital tools, protection isn't optional, it's essential. That's where BitDefender Ultimate Small Business Security comes in. It's designed for small teams of up to 25 people and gives you powerful protection without needing IT or cybersecurity skills. It helps safeguard everything from your devices and inboxes to your digital identity and customer data. It also gives you a password manager and even watches for viruses, scams and fraud attempts. Plus there's a VPN and scam assistant to help your team stay sharp online. The setup is simple and there's even 247 expert support if you ever need help. Keep your small business safe with Bitdefender ultimate small business security. Save 30% when you go to bitdefender.com golddigger that's bitdefender.com golddigker for 30% off. If you've ever wondered whether the way you think is what's holding you back, this episode might just flip a switch you didn't know needed flipping. I'm Jenna Kutcher, your host of the Gold Digger podcast. I escaped the corporate world at the age of 23 with nothing more than a $300 camera from Craigslist and a dream. Now I'm running a seven figure online business that feels even better than it looks, all from my house in small town Minnesot with my family here, we value time as our currency. We mix the woo and the work and we are in the pursuit of building businesses that give us the freedom to live lives that we love. I've always loved turning big goals into reality and I'm here to help you do the same. This isn't just a peek behind the curtain. Come along with me and my guests as we tear the whole curtain down. Every week we tackle practical, no fluff marketing strategies and host honest discussions on what works and what doesn't. Join me and my expert guests for actionable insights to help you grow your dream business with confidence. Pull up a seat and get ready to be challenged, inspired and empowered. This is the Goal Digger podcast. We talk a lot about what to do to grow, what to post, what to sell, what strategy to follow. But the truth is, none of that matters if your mindset isn't in the right place. The biggest transformations, they don't usually start with a checklist. They start with a belief, a shift, a single moment where you realize, oh, maybe it doesn't have to be this way. This episode is filled with those moments. I've pulled together five of the most powerful mindset shifts ever shared on the Gold Digger podcast, straight from some of our most impactful guests. These are the beliefs and inner scripts that changed everything for them. And they might just change everything for you too. If you're starting something new, stuck in self doubt, or just need a reminder that your brain can be your biggest asset and not your biggest roadblock, this is for you. We're kicking things off with someone who's become not just a guest on this show, but one of my closest friends, Ms. Mel Robbins. Her let them theory has gone viral for a reason. In a world obsessed with opinions, control, and people pleasing, Mel shares her theory on how to protect your energy, reclaim your power, and move forward with confidence. If the fear of what others think has been holding you back, this one's going to hit deep. Let's dive in.

[Mel Robbins]

I think the single thing standing in your way as you're listening is this concern and fear, and more importantly, the power you're giving to other people's thoughts, which is something you'll never be able to control. And frankly, it's sad. It is sad that you allow something that you can't control to block you from doing what you want to do in your life and expressing yourself and launching the business and starting the podcast and all these ways you want to grow and Put yourself out there. If the only thing that's holding you back is the fear of what somebody might think. The good news is we're going to teach you today how to actually remove that fear. And so this is where the let them theory is going to set you free. Because you're going to let people think negative thoughts. And the reason why this is revolutionary is because when you let people think negative thoughts, you're actually allowing something that you're afraid of, because that's what you're afraid of. You're not afraid that people are going to think positive things about you. You're afraid they're going to think negative things. And so what if you just lived your life giving people permission to think negative thoughts? Just let them. And the reason why you're gonna find this to be revolutionary is because when you say let them think negative thoughts, let them unfollow me, let them gossip, let them not understand what I'm doing and why, let them be upset by my decisions. When you let people think negative thoughts about you, you now release control of something you could never control. You also acknowledge this thing you've been deeply afraid of, but you rise above it. Cause you kind of feel a little bit superior. Like if you're struggling with posting on social media or following Jenna's extraordinary advice on monetizing Pinterest, which by the way, Jenna has taught me everything that I know. She is behind my strategy. She is a genius and you should be doing it. But the only thing that will keep you from actually following Jenna's formulas and her teaching is your fear that people are gonna think something negative. So just let them think something negative. And what happens is you start to go, oh well, let em think something negative cause I know what I'm doing. And then you come back to the let me part and you say, let me remind myself. My social media, it's actually for me. My social media is for my business, my self expression, my income, my artistry. It's not for my friends from college, it's not for my family. Let them think negative thoughts. And let me remind myself that I get to choose what I think about myself. And if I'm operating in a way where I'm doing the things that I would like to be doing in my life and I'm aligned with my values, then I'm proud of myself. And what I've found is that when you're really proud of yourself and when you give yourself the grace and the space to act in accordance with your dreams and your values, Something really interesting happens. You don't really think much about other people at all because you've removed the fear. Because you've actually said, just let them think negative thoughts. I know who I am. I know why I'm doing things. I know people won't understand. But I know that I'm operating based on goals and values and characteristics. And when I do that, I'm proud of myself. And if somebody's upset, then I'm gonna trust that they're gonna come to me and then I can have a conversation then. But I don't need to worry about this. Cause it's out of my control. You know, I wanna share something else because you said earlier, Jenna, something that was so astute, which is women in particular are exhausted, that we collapse into bed, we wake up exhausted, our thoughts are racing. We feel that, you know, if one ball drops, everything's gonna implode. That it's all up to us. We never have time to advance our goals, to put ourselves first. And here's how the let them theory is gonna change your life. This is how it's changed my life. Life is like a death by a thousand cuts. And you don't realize this now, but when you start saying let them, you're going to realize that all day long. You're allowing other people's behavior and you're allowing things that are beyond your control to drain your life force energy. You know, there's this huge movement around microdosing as a way to kind of lift your spirits and your energy and your focus up. I want you to understand that the reason why you're so tired is you're experiencing micro draining of your energy and your time. And I'll give you an example. So the day after I discovered the let them theory, I was standing in a line and. Have you ever been at like a garden center? I know you are a major gardener, just like me. And you got my big old cart.

[Jenna Kutcher]

And all my soil.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah, exactly. And there's like five people in front of you and there's only one cashier.

[Trent Shelton]

Yep.

[Mel Robbins]

And it's like beep.

[Jenna Kutcher]

Beep.

[Trent Shelton]

Beep.

[Mel Robbins]

Pause for small talk.

[Trent Shelton]

Beep.

[Jenna Kutcher]

Yeah.

[Trent Shelton]

Beep.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, this doesn't have a price. How do you feel in that moment?

[Jenna Kutcher]

Stressed, Anxious. Frustrated. All the things.

[Trent Shelton]

All the things.

[Mel Robbins]

And then you start rocking and then you probably, if you're like me, you turn to the person next to you and you roll your eyes and then you're looking around and you're angry at the person who's, who's restocking plants cause they're not coming up. And next thing you know, you think that you can run the garden center better than anybody else and you're all agitated. And here's this is an example of why you're so tired. Because you just allowed something that is out of your control to do two things. Number one, you allowed it to stress you out. What you are describing is what happens when your body goes into a medical state called a stress response. You go into fight or flight. And the problem for most of us is if we jack ourselves up like that around a grocery line or traffic or something that our mother in law said or some comment on a post, we tend to stay in fight or flight, which impacts focus, which impacts your energy, which impacts your mood. And it was because of something stupid. And the second reason why this is really kind of this micro moment that has a major impact on you is that because you're so focused on what's happening out there, the beep, beep, beep and what's not happening, you actually miss how much control you have. So in that situation, what you're going to do, anytime you're frustrated, anytime you're annoyed, anytime somebody hurts you or worries you, or bothers you, or you have an opinion or you feel that agitation, just say let them. And what immediately happens, Jenna, is you're gonna feel this release, you're gonna feel your shoulders drop, you're gonna feel a little bit of peace, you're gonna feel the stress leave your body and you're acknowledging when you say let them, this is not in my control, therefore it is not worth my time and energy. And then when you say let me, you bring all of the time and energy and the power back to you and your response to it. Cause what you can control, I can control what I choose to think about this. I can control what I'm gonna do or don't do in response. And in that instance, I could close my eyes and meditate. I could call my mom because I am trying to make more of an effort to reach out. And I could use the time like that. And you know what else I could do? I could actually leave. I could take my little cart full of the soil and the plants and I could put it over on the side and I could walk out. And I certainly have control over what I do with these feelings. Do I let them run me over and ruin my day or do I just let them rise and fall? And when you recognize that in any situation you have power, you can leave any line you can leave any interview. You can leave any conversation, any date, any text chain, any dining room table, any business partnership, anytime you choose to. But if you allow the world around you and people's moods and things beyond your control and things that are beneath you to actually bother you, this is the reason why you're so tired. It's because you unknowingly give power away all day long. And I can't wait for you to start using this. Because what I discovered almost immediately is holy cow. I have so much more time than I thought.

[Trent Shelton]

Holy cow.

[Mel Robbins]

I'm actually not that tired at 8:00 clock at night because I haven't allowed the world around me or some dumb text or some, you know, immature thing that a friend did to actually drain me.

[Jenna Kutcher]

Before we jump into this next clip, which by the way is one of the most honest conversations about peace I've literally ever had, I want to take a second to thank our sponsors for supporting this episode and making it possible to bring conversations like these so straight to your earbuds. I wear a lot of hats in my day to day life. Mom, wife, entrepreneur, friend, sister. The list goes on. So I'm always looking for ways to make things simpler and more efficient. And I bet you are too. If you've ever breezed through checkout with just a click, you've likely used that little purple Shop pay button. It's fast, it's secure, and it's super convenient. But here's what you might not know. That button means the store is powered by Shopify. And Shopify doesn't just make shopping easier, it makes starting and running a business easier year too. Shopify is the commerce platform behind 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started you get stunning ready to go templates to express your brand style and built in marketing and email tools to spread your brand's word. Plus, with Shopify, you can manage your business in one place. And yes, that iconic purple Shop pay button. It's used by millions. And it's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet. Your customers already love it. If you want to see less carts being abandoned, it's time for you to head over to Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com golddigger go to shopify.com golddigger shopify.com golddigger you ever get served an ad and think how the heck did this end up in my feedback? Like the other day I got one for a luxury penthouse concierge in Manhattan. Guys, I live in small town Minnesota. Our version of valet is a teen in Crocs handing you your iced coffee at the drive thru. Unless that penthouse includes mosquito spray and a Tater Tot hot dish, I'm out. But here's the thing. It's not just funny, it's frustrating. Not only as a consumer, but for the business. Wasting ad dollars on the totally wrong audience. That's why when it comes to reaching the right professionals, the solution is clear. LinkedIn ads. With over a billion users on LinkedIn today, your message stands the best chance of reaching the people who actually matter. And that's where it stands apart from the other ad buys. LinkedIn lets you target by job title, industry, company role, seniority, skills, even company revenue. Basically, all the professionals you need to reach are right there in one place. So stop wasting your precious budget on the wrong audience and start connecting with the right people only on LinkedIn ads. LinkedIn will even give you $100 credit on your next campaign. So you can try it yourself. Just go to LinkedIn.com goal. That's LinkedIn.com goal. Terms and conditions apply only on LinkedIn ads. Welcome back. Now let's hear from Trent Shelton, former NFL player turned transformational speaker. Trent's story of burnout, identity crisis and finding peace is one so many of us can relate to. In this conversation, he shares how to protect your piece when you receive negative feedback. I absolutely love this conversation. What he shares here is one of the most game changing mindset shifts you can make as a business owner.

[Jamie Kern Lima]

What's helped serve me is understanding a few things. Number one, and I know this seems super motivational and inspirational, but it's true. Like if you're doing nothing, you're not going to receive nothing. So if you have attention on you, people have critiques, people have criticisms, then congratulations, that means that you're doing something worth criticizing. And for me, I would rather have that any day than not have, you know, a life that's not making no impact. So as the great quote says, if you don't want any criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing. So I want to just start off with that perspective, but I want to give you this perspective also. Like, where is it coming from? Yeah, you know, consider the source. Because a lot of times it's people who, as I always say, won't even be at your funeral. Yeah, ain't said one prayer for you, won't help you. And these are the people that you're allowing to control your greatness, to control the voice that's meant for you to give to the world. Because I always think about the bigger picture, you know, when the meaning becomes big enough.

[Vasavi Kumar]

Yeah.

[Jamie Kern Lima]

The hate, the criticism will never become strong enough. You know, if a listener right now, you have a kid, and I always talk about fear with this. But you have a kid, and your kid is, you know, in dire help and need. And there's like a freaking tiger out there that you're afraid of. You don't care about the tiger because you want to save your kid. And it's the same with your business and your goals and your mission, like, when it becomes big. So mine was a promise to my friend that committed suicide. So any hate, any criticism? Yeah, I heard it, but I didn't allow it to define me. Peace is this Jenna. And I want to explain this definition. I think it'll help them a little bit. Yeah, peace is. I would say peace is something you can't experience if you allow the things that you can't control to control you. Right. Peace doesn't mean that the storm doesn't exist. It means that the storm will pass. It doesn't mean that you don't have chaos around your life. It means that the chaos doesn't kill the calm inside you. And so I would tell the person listening that is, like, develop a deeper meaning on what you're doing. Can you control what they say? No, you can't. And oftentimes, yes, I know it's hard when it's the people closest to you that give you the most criticism and feedback. But what people are doing, and I've learned this, is they're projecting their insecurities and fears on you. So it's less about you and it's more about what they're not doing with their life. And so that's helped me protect my peace and be like, oh, they don't understand. They never been successful. They have never tried to achieve what I'm trying to do. They have never tried to be what I'm trying to become. So why would I allow them to stop what's really meant for my life? And once you build that muscle memory, you start to realize that, oh, it's just opinions. We give way too much power to opinions. Opinions cannot stop you. There can be. Happens every day to me, Trent, you shouldn't talk like this. You are terrible. You, this and this. And I realized, like, it's an opinion. Let people have their opinions, and you keep living your truth, and you'll realize that the people that are there for you to serve will support you, and that's all you need in this journey. But I would tell the listeners this one thing that's helped me, and I've said this, and it's a little. It's not controversy, but people kind of look at me sideways at first. But I've told people in my life, and I stand by this, is that I'm not loyal to people anymore. I'm loyal to my principles. And what I mean by that, and I don't want people to take this out of context, but what I mean is that sometimes we're so loyal to people are so loyal to things. We're loyal to our heartbreak, we're loyal to our low energy. We're loyal to the things that are destroying our life because we want to be so loyal all the time. You can be loyal to the wrong things. And so there are some things in my life I had to take my loyalty back. And when I say principles, because I know my principles are set up for me to protect my peace. So I said, what's guiding your life? Is it your loyalty? Which is a great trait to have. Like, loyal people are amazing. But is your loyalty in the wrong place? You know, people will always say, I'm so afraid to let people down. I said, I get it. I am too. But I'm more afraid to let myself down.

[Trent Shelton]

Yeah.

[Jamie Kern Lima]

Because if I let me down, then everything that surrounds me gets let down by default. So I would challenge you listening to this, like, what are your principles? What are the principles that you need to set that says, this is my guiding compass on how I operate in my life? So when my feelings. I always talk about facts over feelings. When my feelings say I want to do it or I want to say yes, but I look at the facts and say, the facts say, man, if I say yes, in this 90 days or no, I already know what's going to lead. So I'm going to say no even when I want to say yes. And so write down those principles. One of my principles is simply, you know, leave things better than how I found it. I mean, that's a. That's an easy principle, but that even starts with myself. It starts with my day. And so what are your principles that you can go by that will guide your life and say, man, if I'm loyal to my principles, then I know that I'm leading my life and I'm putting my life in the best place for me to have the right energy for me to be Efficient man. The first part of the book is called protect your energy. And people think we have an infinite amount of energy. No. Like some of us, we guard our cell phones more than we guard our soul.

[Jenna Kutcher]

Yeah.

[Jamie Kern Lima]

Like, if our cell phone battery is going down to 10, where's the charger? Where's the charger?

[Trent Shelton]

Yeah.

[Jamie Kern Lima]

But when our life goes down to 10, oh, I need to do more. I need to do more. Like, we need a DND on our soul in our life. And you did that for 90 days, and I'm sure it felt great. And so I would challenge people to really understand their principles and let that be the guiding force on how they live their life.

[Jenna Kutcher]

Next, we'll hear from my friend Jamie Kern Lima. You might know her as the founder of IT Cosmetics or a guest on Shark Tank. But what you is how deeply her success was shaped by her relationship with her own self worth. In this segment, Jamie breaks down the difference between self confidence and self worth and how the internal ceiling we place on ourselves can be even more limiting than any external obstacle. If you've ever believed that achieving more would finally make you feel like enough, this one's for you.

[Jen Gottlieb]

Self confidence and self worth, they're both super important in our lives. They are very different. They are very different. And we learn this lie, most of us, our entire life, from TV commercials, from how we're raised, from the questions people ask us. We learn that if we build enough of the things that bring self confidence, then we'll finally feel enough. And what we don't know is when we build all these things that build self confidence, while they're very important and valuable, none of them build self worth. And so for everyone listening especially, and I know so many people listening to you will have this in common with you and me, that they are probably achievers and ambitious and all of those things. And for anyone who has ever, like, had this goal and this dream and this ambition and thought, oh, my gosh, when I finally get that thing, then I'm going to be happy. Then I'm going to be fulfilled, Then I'm going to be crushing it. Then, then I'm going to finally feel enough. And then, like, we work so hard, a lot of us, for years to get that thing, and we get it. And then for most of us, we're like, wait a minute, that did not solve all my problems. I am not happy and fulfilled. Why do I still feel like something's missing? Why do I still feel like I'm not enough? And so then for most of us, our Answer is, oh, I've just got to achieve more. So then we go harder, we hustle harder, we do the next thing and the next thing and the next thing and it becomes this never ending, perpetual cycle to nowhere where. And a lot of people spend their whole life doing this. You and I have a lot of friends that do this. You build all this self confidence along the way, but you never have fulfillment because you never feel like you are enough deep down inside. This changed my life because I believed the lie that if I achieve enough, I will finally feel enough. And when you look at the data right now that 80% of women do not believe they're enough, 75% of female executives deal with imposter syndrome, 73% of men feel inadequate and not enough. Like I believe this lie, oh, I got to achieve enough and I've got to please enough people, right? And then I'll feel enough. And after spending decades doing that and still arriving at the next goal and the next goal and the next thing the world told me should make me feel like I'm on top of the world and still arriving feeling empty and not fulfilled and not enough, not knowing why. And it's because most of my entire life I did the things that only built self confidence. None of them built self worth. So self confidence for everyone listening, because I thought they were the same thing.

[Jenna Kutcher]

For the longest time.

[Jen Gottlieb]

And again, let me just take a step back. They're both so valuable in our lives. They're both so valuable. They're just very different. Self confidence, while it is an internal trait, is based largely on the external. Your self confidence is fragile, it fluctuates. Your self confidence is how you assess your own skills and abilities, your willingness to try and go for it, how you feel you stack up and compare to others if you're winning or losing at any moment, like how much of the world's definition of success that you believe that you have, they do studies that show the boxer who wins the match is automatically 30% more confident. Our confidence is volatile and it's fragile and it fluctuates and it is largely based on what's happening all around you. And when we see these ads or whatever our whole life that say, oh, once you get the dream car, once you get whatever that version is, the house, the dream house, and the certain job title, the certain amount in the bank account, the six pack, abs, whatever it is, when you finally get that thing, you're gonna feel enough. And in the pursuit of those things, we build a lot of confidence. But none of them build self worth. So self worth is the deep internal knowing that you are worthy of love and belonging exactly as you are. Not as your past or your past mistakes or failures, not as your successes and your achievements. None of that. Exactly as you are. And your self worth is rock solid. It becomes your ceiling. Your self worth becomes your ceiling. And what I want to say quickly is that a lot of people worry, well, if I believe I'm enough as I am, will I lose my ambition or I lose my edge? It's like, oh, no, actually, actually, the higher your self worth for me and you look at all the data, the more ambitious you become. Because you know, like, oh, even if I go for the thing and fall flat on my face, it might rattle my confidence for a minute, but it cannot touch my self worth. So you become so much more ambitious, so much more fearless. And the big difference is the higher your self worth, knowing I am enough as I am, as God made me, like all of that, right? You have this unshakableness to you that isn't fragile based on the external stuff. So in a lot of ways, you become more fearless. And I like to describe it that your self confidence is like the house you're building with the rooms and the new art on the wall. And you continue building this house, house, but the. The foundation, your foundation. Underneath that house is your self worth. And your house is only as secure as the foundation beneath it. And so both are very important, right? And when we look at how do we get ultimate fulfillment in life, you need self confidence. You need to. To. To. To be growing in. In something which could be growing in faith or growing in a hobby or growing in something you're gardening, it could be anything. But you. We need to be growing. We need to be building our self confidence and contributing to something bigger than ourselves. But all of those are multiplied by your level of self worth to get your level of fulfillment in life.

[Jenna Kutcher]

Gosh, Jamie is so good. Okay, in a moment, we'll hear from Vasavi Kumar, which may honestly change the way you speak to yourself forever. But first, we're going to hear about a few brands who help keep this show running. And in the meantime, if someone popped into your mind while listening, hit that share button and send them this episode. These mindset shifts are so much better when we grow through them together. This message is sponsored by Greenlight. I grew up hauling a cooler down our Minnesota dirt road to sell lukewarm lemonade for 50 cents a cup. I didn't know it then, but that was the start of my entrepreneurial journey. Now I've got two little girls asking questions about money and I want their learning to feel fun. So when they asked to do their own lemonade stand, I went all in. Logo check. Compostable cups? You bet. And that's when I realized we could use a little help making money lessons simple. That's why we use Greenlight. Greenlight is a debit card and money app that helps kids learn how to save, spend wisely and even invest together as a family. We love the chores feature where you can assign tasks like clean the junk drawer or pick toys to donate and reward them with an allowance. Everything is tracked so you can watch them grow their money smarts in real time. Greenlight is the easy, convenient way for parents to raise financially smart kids and for families to navigate life together. Maybe that's why millions of parents trust and kids love learning about money on Greenlight, the number one family finance and safety app. Don't wait to teach your kids real world money skills. Start your risk free Greenlight trial [e-mail] go digger. That's greenlight.com gold digger to get started greenlight.com golddigger one of Quinn's favorite games is asking me to be an airplane and fly her around the house. And every time she picks a new destination, places like Arizona, Nashville, even Florida, I started to notice that the places she chooses, they're all spots we've traveled to as a family. Travel is something we absolutely love and whenever we travel, we opt to book an Airbnb. It gives us space to be a family, like when we stayed in Arizona and had a pool, a putting green and separate bedrooms for the girls. Hello, Better sleep. It was the perfect place to make memories that have stuck with all of us. That trip reminds me how thoughtful hosting can be and how much it can shape someone's experience. But I also know how much work goes into creating that kind of state. That's why I love that Airbnb now has a co host network you can team up with someone local who takes care of all the details, guest communication, check ins, even set up so that your space still shines even when you're not the one managing it. If you've been dreaming about hosting but wondering how you'd actually pull it off, this is your sign. Find a co [e-mail] host now let's hear from Vasavi Kumar, a therapist, speaker and author who is passionate about helping people speak to themselves with more clarity and compassion. In this clip, Vasavi shares how negative self talk isn't something we're born with. It's something we learn and something we can unlearn. She also shares a powerful story about how shifting her inner dialog helped her land the COVID of a magazine simply because she asked for it. If you've been holding back your voice, this segment will remind you just how powerful it really is. Let's take a listen.

[Trent Shelton]

My self talk. I will say that for most of us, you know, when we're born, we are not born with negative self talk. We're not born criticizing ourselves. So I want everyone to hear this. A lot of times, clients will come to me. People will come to me and they'll be like, what's wrong with me? I'm just so mean to myself. And I'm like, yeah, well, because logically we know that it's not kind to talk to ourselves in that way, but when we are used to hearing things being thrown at us, and then we repeat that narrative to ourselves, right? So if someone says to you you're ugly, and then you believe that and you say that over and over and over to yourself, you know, at some point, yes, it may have started because someone said that to you, but it is our job as adults to. To be like, wait a minute, I don't believe that about myself. So this is where self talk out loud. Talking to yourself out loud comes in. And this is why it's a skill. And anyone can learn to master their self talk and change their inner conversation. Because let's say you're looking in the mirror, right? And you're now practicing. You're on this say it out loud journey because you've read my book and you're in front of the mirror and you're noticing your self talk about yourself, but you're saying it out loud this time. You're not keeping that inside. You don't want to pollute your body with those thoughts. You don't want to pollute your creative channel and your mind with mean thoughts about your body. So you stand in front of the mirror and you look at yourself and you say out loud what you're saying about yourself, about your body. And from there. And you can do this in any situation. I just bring up body because that's where my self talk has really helped me the most. Yup. It's like, oh, my God. And that is where my confidence comes from, is how I feel about my body and what I say about my body to myself. And so anybody listening to this, y', all, if you just look at yourself, look at yourself in front of the mirror. I always say the mirror is the most underutilized tool in, in self development. Because if you can look at yourself in the mirror and be honest about what you're feeling about yourself and say that out loud and even Ben, in that moment of vulnerability, you say to yourself, no, I will not speak to myself in this way. I am beautiful the way that I am. I accept myself. And you may not believe it right away, you may not believe those words, but the more you look to see yourself with love and you lead with love with yourself, the more your self talk in your mind will become a safe place to be. All of this, Jenna, learning to master your self talk and being kinder to yourself is all because I want people to feel at home within themselves, in their minds and in their bodies. The reason why I want you to master your self talk is because you will confidently show up and boldly ask for what you want. Because think about how many times you have wanted to ask for something but you did it because you had voices in your head micromanaging you.

[Jenna Kutcher]

Yeah.

[Trent Shelton]

When you learn how to talk to yourself, those voices, they're going to become a team player. I have a team in my mind. I'm a coach to all the players in my mind. Those are all the, that's the belittling voice, the insecure voice, the really excited voice. You know, think about all these parts of yourself as different team players. Your job is to be the coach and get all these parts of you together to be, be aligned in the mission that you want to put forth in the world. And so let me tell you my experience of this. It was last May, May of 2022. I live in Austin, Texas. There's a magazine called the Austin Woman Magazine. And I'd been in there, you know, a few times here or there over the course of the past two years. And I was talking to one of the editors, she was interviewing me for just like a two page article. I was giving tips on self talk and I asked her out loud on the phone. I go, hey, who's your cover girl for May? She goes, we don't have one. I go, you should put me on the COVID That's just like that. You should put me on the COVID You haven't had any Indian women on the COVID Plus, May is my 40th birthday month. Wouldn't that be awesome? And we can do a whole spread on living your life out loud and allowing yourself to be creatively expressed. And she goes, all right, let me check with my team. And then two weeks later, I get an email that says, how would you like to be the COVID of Austin Woman for May of 2022? And I said, oh, my God. And that was for me. When I realized I didn't ask her, can you put me on the COVID I said, you should put me on the COVID Now I don't know if I would ever do that again. But it was bold, Jenna. It was and bold. I'm on the COVID If you go to my Instagram, it's pinned right to the top. I had a full 10 page spread, stylist everything cover of Austin Woman magazine. We're in Whole Foods here. There's all throughout Austin, Texas, all because I had the guts to ask or no tell you you should put me on. When you put yourself out there and ask for what you want. This wasn't like when I asked to be on the COVID It wasn't just cool, like, oh, cool, I want to be on the COVID and get a 10 page spread. It boils down to one thing, and I want everyone hearing this and write this down for yourself. You got to value your voice. I asked to be on the COVID because I knew I would give a killer interview and I knew my words would set somebody free. I value my words. And that goes into your. Your question, Jenna, about trusting. Just like trusting and having that inner knowing. I made a promise to God in my darkest of days that if I were to sober up and stay sober and really get my freaking life back in order and really just start to trust and be obedient to the messages that I was getting from my God, that I would pay it forward. And that's what I promised. I made a promise that I would pay it forward and help somebody else in need. So I trust that part of me. I made a promise to myself. I made a promise to God that I would get through this and I would help another person. So I'm just. I'm just operating from that place and I trust that part of myself because I have evidence that when I surrender and accept my reality and also do the work to come back home to myself and continue to surrender day to day, but also be wildly responsible for my experience in life, that I can create anything. And now that I know that and I really know that, and I live that and I believe that. And not every day is easy. Please catch me a week before my period. I will not be saying the same thing, but I know how to bounce back, you know, And I believe that it is my duty to pay it forward and help others. And I. I trust that.

[Jenna Kutcher]

That's it.

[Trent Shelton]

I just trust it.

[Jenna Kutcher]

Up next is Jen Gottlieb, author, speaker, and the queen of helping people step into the spotlight with confidence. But what I love most about Jen is that she doesn't just talk about visibility from a branding standpoint. She gets real about what it means to be truly seen. In this clip, Jen shares how imposter syndrome, fear and comparison show up even for the most confident people, and how building your confidence is actually about building trust with yourself. Her tool for doing that. You'll want to start using it immediately. Here's Jen.

[Vasavi Kumar]

Okay, so the first thing I want to do is, like, tell everybody if you are having imposter syndrome in any moment of your life and you feel like you're the only one, please remove that from your brain right now. Because I talk to a lot of really successful people, people that I look up to that are out there that are building brands that look so unbelievably confident. And every single person that I talk like, do you have imposter syndrome?

[Jenna Kutcher]

Yeah.

[Vasavi Kumar]

Do you. Do you experience fear? Do you experience not feeling worthy? Do you experience, not feel good of every single one of them? Yes, all the time. And I'm like, does it ever go away? And they all always say to me the exact same thing, John, oh, yeah, no, you just get better at, like, doing things with it there anyway. And in the book, I talk about the symptoms of fear, and sometimes we can experience fear as, like, actual anxiety and the way that we feel it in our body. And like, you know, when you're. When your heart's pounding and your palms are sweating and you feel afraid. And sometimes we can experience fear as one of its symptoms where it's really sneaky and it sneaks in and it disguises itself as other things like imposter syndrome or perfectionism or analysis paralysis or comparisonitis. All of these different emotions that a lot of us entrepreneurs and business builders are people that are building a brand experience on the regular. And we think, oh, I'm not good enough, so I should just not do this right now. Right? I'm not good enough to be here. Maybe they'll all realize that I don't really know what I'm talking about or I'm not going to post that because it's not perfect. I'll wait. I'll wait. Maybe tomorrow it'll be better. Maybe tomorrow it'll be perfect. And I'll post the. Tomorrow I'll start Tomorrow. And these are all lies that fear tells us. All of these symptoms, like, imposter syndrome is a classic one, and it always is there with me. Like, I. Even during this book launch. Jenna.

[Jenna Kutcher]

Yeah.

[Vasavi Kumar]

Like, a day doesn't go by where I don't feel, oh, my gosh, like, am I good enough to be here? But the cool thing is, is that we have tools that we can use to help us move through imposter syndrome when it hits. And I've got a really good one for you. Yeah. Okay. All right. So in the book, the third chapter of the book is called this little list will change your life. And I know Jenna, and I know us, and a lot of our friends also experience this imposter syndrome. And I built this tool that I'm about to share with you through helping out one of my friends, and I totally created it by accident. So I want you. Everyone that's listening, just put yourself in this position right now. I know you've had this conversation with a friend. If you're building a business and you have a business bestie. So I was on the phone with my friend, and she was, like, going to launch this product for the very first time, and she was having massive imposter syndrome on just finally pressing go and releasing it and announcing it to the world. And she was like, I can't do it. I'm going to wait. I think I'm going to wait a month. It's not good enough. It's not good enough. Like, who am I to be doing this? And I'm like, her name's Tori. I was like, tori, I think we need to pause right now. And I think you need to just remember how much of a badass you really are. And she's like, okay, what do you mean? I'm like, why don't we just make a list of all of the moments in your life that, like, you were a badass? And so she starts writing down all of these things.

[Jenna Kutcher]

Yeah.

[Vasavi Kumar]

I'm like, write down. She's like, oh, I ran a marathon. Okay. She's like, I moved to New York City alone when I was 20. And I'm like, write that down. She's like, oh. And I was like, wait, how much did you charge for your first product? Did you make six figures on that launch? Yes. Like, all these things. And she starts writing them down. I'm like, all right, let's play a game. Why don't you read this list out loud as if you're reading it about somebody else. Go read the list and she starts reading it. I'm like, all right, now, if this was another person, would you tell this other person that they're not worthy of launching this course of doing this now? And she's like, no, Jen, they're awesome. I was like, okay, well, that's you. And so what I find happens, why we experience imposter syndrome a lot of the time is because we spend so much time on the Internet comparing our chapter one to somebody else's chapter 20, comparing our real life to somebody else's highlight reel, somebody else's finished product, and we start to feel not good enough. We start to feel forget how amazing we are. So sometimes we just need to remember. And the badass list is my tool that I go back to every single day. Did it last night. I keep it in my phone. And it's simply a list of all the moments in my life where I felt amazing about myself. And some of them are really small, tiny moments, like private moments with my family. Some of them are big business moments. Some of them are moments that only I know about. Yeah. But whenever I'm feeling like I can't go into a situation or I can't launch something or I can't be seen or I can't put something out there because I'm not good enough, I just read that list out loud as if it's somebody else, and it's like, oh, is this person worthy of doing this thing?

[Jenna Kutcher]

Yes.

[Vasavi Kumar]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

No.

[Vasavi Kumar]

This person's a badass, and this is me. So I think you need to go just, like, do the damn thing, even if you feel like an imposter, because this is proof that you are not. So if you don't feel confident, I want you to listen and really listen good. Because confidence can be created. It actually can be created over time, but it does take a little bit of discomfort. It does take experiencing the hard thing. So the confidence continuum is all about taking action with fear there anyway. You're going to feel the fear. It's going to be scary to do the thing that you don't want to do. But every single time you move through and you do the thing with fear there anyway, and you get to the other side and you stick to the commitment you made with yourself, no matter how difficult it was or how scary or how painful, and you're on the other side, you're like, whoa, I didn't die. I just did that. You're putting another coin in your confidence bank. You're becoming more confident because the next time you go to do something scary, you have proof that you can do it and you have trust. All confidence is self trust. Trust that you did it before. So with, for instance, with these Instagram lives, I help people be seen online specifically. That's like, really what my business does. And everyone's like, I'm too scared to go live. I'm too scared to make a video. All you gotta do is do the hard thing once. And once you do the hard thing once, you never have to do that first time ever again. Yes. And after you've done that first time, you're gonna celebrate that win. So make sure you don't skip the celebration. Make sure you have a celebration with yourself. Whoa. I did it. Gives you the dopamine, the serotonin.

[Jen Gottlieb]

Okay, you did it.

[Vasavi Kumar]

You went live. Maybe it was only for three minutes and maybe only two people joined, but that's okay. You still did it. So what that's gonna do is that's gonna give you that little bit of motivation and confidence to do it the next time. The next time's still going to be hard, but it's going to be a little easier than the first time. So then you do it the next time you take action. Fear is still going to be there. You got to do it and you do it and it's a little easier. And maybe that next time you get a little bigger win. Maybe next time six people join, and maybe next time somebody DMs you after and they're like, wow, that was amazing. I really want to talk to you about working with you. How can I work with you? Whoa. Big win. Holy crap. Now you're training. When I go live, something really cool could happen. Then you're going to be way more confident to do it the next time, because you know you've done it twice now. You know that you're not going to die. You know that that discomfort's temporary. And you know that a good thing happens on the other side. It's training. It's like going to the gym and putting in the reps and working out those muscles so you can get stronger. And now I do it every day, and it's not a big deal, and I'm confident, but it didn't start that way. So I want everyone that's listening to please know that confidence is built from consistently sticking with the commitments you make with your yourself.

[Trent Shelton]

Yes.

[Vasavi Kumar]

Every time you say you're going to do something and you don't do it, you're telling your subconscious that you can't trust yourself to follow through. But every single time that you do tell yourself, all right, I'm going to do this today. And you follow through. And you do it, even though it was hard or it was scary or painful or it sucked. But you get to your bed that night. Because we're all going to make it to our bed every single night. And you can be in your bed and you can be like, wow, I did that today. Yeah, that's boom to ching. More coins. More coins in your confidence bank.

[Jenna Kutcher]

Oh my gosh, aren't you feeling so fired up right now? Seriously, if your mindset wasn't already shifting before, I bet something cracked open during one of those clips. Maybe it was Mel's reminder to let them think what they want. Or Jamie's truth bomb about self worth being your ceiling. Maybe it was Bossavi giving you permission to own your voice. Or Trent reminding you that peace is the real flex. Or maybe, like Jen said, you're just ready to start putting putting coins in your confidence bank. One bold move at a time. Wherever today's episode met you, I hope you walk away with one big mindset shift. You're ready to live out. And if you've loved this format of hearing from some of our most powerful past guests all in one place, let me know. Send me a dm, leave a review. Or better yet, hit that follow button on your podcast app so that you never miss another episode. We've got more incredible voices, more honest conversations, and more mindset magic coming your way every single week. You've got this. I am always cheering you on. And of course, until next time, Gold Diggers, keep on digging your biggest goals. Thanks for pulling up a seat for another episode of the Gold Digger podcast. I hope today's episode fueled you with inspiration, gave you information that you can turn into action, and realigned you with your true north in life and business. If you've enjoyed the today's episode, head on over to gold digger podcast.com for today's show notes, discount codes for our sponsors, freebies to fuel your results, and so much more. And if you haven't yet, make sure you're subscribed so that you never miss a future show. We'll see you next time, Gold Diggers.