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- [00:00]
A
Where'd you get those shoes? Easy. They're from dsw. Because DSW has the exact right shoes for whatever you're into right now. You know, like the sneakers that make office hours feel like happy hour, the boots that turn grocery aisles into runways, and all the styles that show off the many sides of you, from daydreamer to multitasker, and everything in between. Because you do it all in really great shoes. Find a shoe for every you at your DSW store or dsw.com when you are pioneering anything or introducing new ideas.
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B
To the culture, you get criticized. You do? Yeah. Did you hear about that?
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A
I didn't find the one.
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B
I found someone I respected and we.
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A
Made it the one. In the sort of longing kind of.
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B
View of love, people understand each other as if by magic.
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A
Nothing in itself is addictive on the one hand. On the other hand, everything could be addictive if there. There's an emptiness in that person that needs to be filled.
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B
I now know that nobody changes until they change their energy. And when you change your energy, you change your life. I'm Gwyneth Paltrow. This is the GOOP Podcast, bringing together thought leaders, culture changers, creatives, founders and CEOs, scientists, doctors, healers and seekers here to start conversations. Because simply asking questions and listening has the power to change the way we see the world. Here we go. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the GOOP Podcast. I'm Gwyneth Paltrow. Thanks for joining me today. I'm sitting down with Nikki Glaser. Nikki is a very brilliant and irreverent comedian. You might know her from hosting the Golden Globes just recently. Her Roast of Tom Brady, which went viral, and her stand up, which is pretty honest and pretty searing. I really loved sitting down with Nikki and getting to know her and really starting to understand the woman underneath all of the punchlines. We had a really fascinating talk to do with body image, vulnerability and many other topics. Nikki really opened up about the parts of herself that she's still working on. She's beautifully human. She talks about what therapy has taught her and the joke that she wishes she could take back. So let's get into it. I have to tell you, I've had the best time researching you for this podcast. Really? Like, I think you're kind of this feminist icon, and I'm not even sure you really know it yet fully. I'm telling you, all the girls in the office are losing their minds that you're here.
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A
That means so much to me, really.
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B
I mean, like, I've Watched, I think, almost everything you've ever done, all your interviews.
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A
Wow.
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B
And you are so.
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A
I'm sorry, by the way. No, no. That's a lot of research.
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B
I laughed a lot.
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A
Thank you, Gwyneth.
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B
So did the Tom Brady roast. Is that what precipitated the Golden Globes thing?
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A
Yes, that. I don't even think I was on the radar for, like, hosting an award show maybe, like, in five years or something. But it wasn't even something I even dreamed of.
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B
Oh.
- [03:24]
A
There just weren't conversations around it. It was like, yeah, maybe eventually. But then I think it was really like, you know, tom Brady was live. And it was such, like, an acute performance that you have to just be on your shit. And it.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Then that was like, what about the Emmys? And I was like, in a couple months, like, I didn't even. They've never even invited me to do, like, interview people on the red carpet, let alone host. So it was like. That was when I was like, oh, maybe this will be my next thing. And then. Yeah.
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B
And then there it came.
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A
Then it came.
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B
There's so much rigor that you bring to your writing, to your practicing. I heard you, you know, did your golden globe speech, like, 91 times. So is there a difference there between, like, preparation and obsessiveness? Like, is it a. Is it a pursuit of perfection?
- [04:10]
A
Such a good question, because. Yes. Like, I've never even connected it. Like, it is ocd. It's like, you know. And so when I'm preparing for a set, if I leave any potential on the floor, I failed myself. Like, I wanna go out there. And the only way I'll be able to sleep at night after that, for right or wrong, is if I can say I did everything I could to be great. Because then if it's not great, which could not be, something can happen. I can say, well, I couldn't have done anything differently. And that's. I think I used to go into things being like, well, I'll try my best, and then it'll go however it goes. And then I torture myself afterwards if it's not good. Cause I go, you could have done. You knew that. You could have gone out that one night and run sets instead of staying in. And so now I don't. I just have to plan it so that I don't have those regrets. Cause that's the most painful thing I've ever felt in my life is getting done with something and going, like, why did I say that? Why didn't I just think before that interview with Gwyneth that she maybe could have asked that question. If I would have just meditated that morning, I could have maybe prepared for that question and I had an interesting answer. It was right there. Nikki, why didn't you think of it? You just talked to someone the other day about this thing and then you're sitting across from Gwyneth and you have the most interesting answer to her story and you didn't like. That's the conversation I might have with myself later on today. Hopefully I won't but like, so torturing. Oh, love it. I know, I know. I'm trying desperately to be nicer to myself the other day. I wanna share this cause I think it's good. I woke up and I was having like a like punishing self. Like I had slept through pilates and I could have gone but I just canceled and then I had the $15 fee for canceling and I'm like, oh God. And it's the third day in a row I've done that thinking I'd get up for 7:30 PIL and so I'm like wake up. And I'm just like, oh, I have to wash off this spray tan and there's like spray tan all over the bed and I just feel gross and my room's a mess and like the doors open and it's just like humid in the room. But also it's like I was just like, ugh, why did you do this to yourself? And then I just went like. And I like kissed myself on the arm gently. I don't even know why. I think it's cause I just. Something in me was like, girl, be nice. And this gentle kiss on my arm like literally like grounded me and was like, oh, you're like a sweet little girl. Like remember that, you know, keeping photos of yourself as a kid and like looking at them to remind yourself of that's like who's really struggling in there and like trying, you know, I do, I really do the work. It sounds like I don't, but I do the work to silence all of these thoughts and. But man, they bubble up and especially around my period. It's just like there's no fortress to protect me from them.
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B
I've noticed that in these hormonal changes that I'm dealing with now. Like I've had anxiety and I've never had it before. And mine comes in self punishing thoughts as well. And it's only like a couple nights a month that it happens. But I'll really like, you know, I Mean, of course there are things about myself that I've never liked and whatever, but this is like where you're totally hijacked and you're lying there, like going over every mistake you've ever made and.
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A
So is yours, like going back through mistakes you've made. Like, is it like finite things that are like, why did I do this today or yesterday? Or is it like overarching things like, what's your anxiety look like?
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B
It'll be like, you know, why did I make out with my friend's ex boyfriend in high school? How could I have done that? How could I have done that? Or like, you know, why did I. Why did I not say, you know, the hard thing when it needed to be said in that conversation? And instead now I've made a mess because when I was, you know, 38, I didn't say the honest thing, like, really, it's stuff from, like, way back. It's stuff from back because, you know, since I've turned about, I don't know, around 40 onwards, which. Are you already 40? Yeah. So for me, like something happened when I turned 40 and I started to like, actually feel more comfortable with myself and like myself more. And then in 50, you're like, oh, this I, like, I'm okay, you know, I accept myself. But it's, you know, it's funny when you said kissing your own arm, like I do that kind of stuff.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Like, I'll give myself a hug. Like, I talk to myself.
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A
Yes.
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B
I talk to my like, little girl in there. And it's actually very powerful, I think, to go in and re parent yourself in that way and like, show your little self that you are a grownup and you are in control of things. And it's not the same as when someone, you know, made fun of you when you were little. And, you know, it's actually an incredibly powerful tool.
- [08:45]
A
I know. And it's so real. It feels so ridiculous though, you know, mirror work you read about or just, you know, even putting it through the filter that we all know of. Like, would you talk to your friend this way?
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B
Yeah.
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A
No, you'd make out with her husband, but. No, I'm just kidding.
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B
Exactly.
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A
But you wouldn't.
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B
What the fuck?
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A
No, you wouldn't. You would never talk. Like, just that stops you in your tracks of like, why is it okay for me to talk to myself this way? And why don't I let myself off the hook like I do everyone else and have a million reasons why that person. That's okay that you made that Decision, like, it makes sense. Why can't I have the same empathy for myself? I don't know. But I do know it gets better.
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B
I know you're working on it, though. It's getting better.
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A
Like, I've quit weed or I've quit alcohol and eating disorder behavior. Like, I've got a handle on all of that.
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B
But not weed.
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A
But not weed. Weed, yeah, if you can't tell. Weed is the one that I like, you know, just sometimes just want it and I let myself have it. And then I go through this stage of, like, feeling guilty about it. But my new thing that has really helped me not feel guilty, like, not do it as much is letting myself do it and is not being like, because, okay, if I'm gonna smoke weed, why don't you enjoy it instead of, like, then beating yourself up while you're high, like, you're already high. Have fun, right? Listen to some dmv. Like, like, sit. Just sit and think about God or whatever. And, like. Or, you know, whatever it is instead of. And just go, oh, I guess I needed this. Like, let yourself have the things. If you. If I overeat, I just go, like, well, guess I needed that instead of like, you idiot, because then that'll lead me to overeating more. Like, the anxiety is what caused me to want to smoke weed. Why am I giving myself more anxiety? Because I did it.
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B
It sounds like there's just like you've associated, like, rigidity in some sense with, like, being okay or, you know, it's like you have. Yeah, this. This rigid idea of what you're supposed to be and supposed to, you know, And I. I mean, look, there have definitely been periods of my life where I've struggled with that so much, but I think also, the body also responds to what you tell it. You know, I remember this doctor saying to me once, because I was like, oh, my God, I ate, like, fast food, you know, And I was trying to be, like, healthier and deal with inflammation and blah, blah, blah, and then I'd eat. And they were. And the doctor was saying to me, but if you. If you're relating to the food, like it's poisonous and really bad for you, then that's how your body's gonna respond to it. And it was just this idea of, I don't know, loosening up a little bit, not being so binary, like, getting out of this. Right, wrong, like perfection. Terrible paradigm.
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A
Yes.
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B
That's a pursuit that you have to really commit to. So I think it's great that you are Trying to bring this softness in.
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A
Forgive myself for what I am. Like, I. If I could not smoke weed, I would not smoke weed. But I can't. I was just born as someone who needs to reach for it that day. So, like, I. That's. My job is to. My job is to be funny. But really what funny is, is like saying the thing that no one else is saying, and it's being honest. So I'm so glad that I have that because it helps me so much. Because when you get honest, then people can go, hey, are you okay? Like, that's really been the trick for me.
- [12:03]
B
And does the honesty and authenticity in what you say sort of lessen those punitive voices?
- [12:11]
A
I think so, because you hear them, you say them out loud. And also other. You get other people's feedback on. On them of like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why? What's going on here? This is because in your head, you're like, no, this is like, I deserve to be punished this way and to be talked to this way. And then when you say it out loud, you get feedback from people that. It's like, that's not how you should talk. Or, you know, you talk about on stage. And then people reach out and say, oh, me too. And you go, you, wow, I would never think that for you. And then it feels like. And then I talk that person through it of like, well, you shouldn't be doing that to yourself. And I'm like, oh, okay. Well, this is kind of giving me.
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B
The light bulb going on.
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A
Yeah. Of like, that's how I should talk to myself. So I think it does. That does help. But there are, like, you know, I act like, oh, it's so amazing to just be free in what I say, but it also gets me into so much trouble and makes me a liability in a lot of ways.
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B
You think why?
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A
Well, I think that, like, sometimes it's overshare. I mean, there's like, this kind of backlash to the honesty movement of, like, we don't need to hear all. Like, sometimes I. Especially with sex stuff, I can watch back stuff. And I. Jesus Christ. No one needs to hear about that, Nikki. You know.
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B
But it's also about what you were saying at the time for that. It's like you move culture forward when you talk. You know, it's like you're breaking paradigms. It's really important to do that.
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A
That's a good point. Like, I just have to look back at it and go, that's just what you were feeling then. And really, I was just. Whenever I'M saying stuff on stage that might seem shocking or like. Like, why are you saying that? It's just because I'm, like, trying to make entertainment for people like me who was like, I wish some girl would tell me, like, what it's like to give a blowjob because I had not given one until I was 21, and I had talked to my friends about it, but they just are like, well, you just. You know, you just go down. Like, I was wanting details, and so as soon as I started giving them, I'm like, I need to make something that's public for girls who probably shouldn't be watching this, to watch when they're young to know what it's gonna be like, what happens? Because it's just sex, to me was just, like, so confusing and so shrouded in secrecy and shame. And I. As soon as I got in there, I was like, I have to tell everyone. And everyone's like, yeah, we know we've been doing this. And I'm like, but isn't it weird that, like, it was just weird? Sex is still weird to me and fascinating for different reasons now. But, yeah, that's really always, like, kind of I write from that place of, like, what, five years ago or, like, even a year ago? What's something I know now that I wish someone would have kind of let me in on?
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B
I love that lens. Like. Or what can I dispel? Or. Yeah, how can I teach in this moment?
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A
How can I teach? Because I. If you give girls, like, if you tell girls what happens when you're having sex or what should be expected and what isn't. Like, how many stories do you know of women who, like, a guy did something weird to them where you're. You're so far in, and you don't. You go, I guess this is what happens. Like, early on, you go, I guess all guys do this, and I just haven't heard this. And so you do it, and then you come to find out, oh, this isn't at all what happened. So I think it protects people to talk about stuff like this. And, like, right now, in my act, I'm, like, talking about, like, pedophiles and people who have been sexually abused. And it's, like, not, like, what you would normally go to for, like, a comedy routine. And I'm not, like, mocking it at all, but I'm like, I think we need to talk about this. Because in my experiences growing up, like, I'm starting to talk to my girlfriends, and a lot of them, and guy Friends have suffered abuse as children.
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B
So many and so many.
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A
So many more than anyone thinks about. And luckily, it didn't happen to me. And I feel like because of that, I can talk about it in a way where I'm not triggered. I understand if people are and don't wanna talk about it, but I think it just needs to be talked about more. And people are like, you're making people uncomfortable. And I'm like, but I gotta work through the kinks of this act so I can get to a place where I can have an act where I'm like, this is a hilarious bit that also talks about something that's happening a lot that makes people that have had it happen to them feel almost like, not proud. Well, yeah, proud of themselves that they got through it. Like, I don't want to ever make anyone feel bad, but you kind of have to. That's my new thing of, like, I've noticed a lot of people have been abused, but they're still even like, yeah, well, as a child, my. My uncle and I go, why are you talking? Like, why can you tell people about, oh, I got spanked as a child, My dad beat me with a belt. And that's kind of like, okay, not okay, but, like, no one goes, oh, that's. What did you do to get that done? But, like, being molested for some reason has this still kind of like, yeah, I was like, there's a shame around.
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B
It because the perpetrator, like, that's the key tool to keep them safe. Right?
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A
To keep them safe is to make you feel like you have a part in it.
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B
Secrecy.
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A
And so you shouldn't tell anyone because people go, well, why did you get molested? And so it is. You're absolutely right. It's wrapped up in it. And I'm like, we need to take it back.
- [17:07]
B
I think this is brilliant.
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A
I'm like, it's really not something. I think people representing me want me to go down this road.
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B
But I'm like, I think it's incredible.
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A
I'm fired up about it, to be honest with you. Like, I just. I do a lot of research on it. Like, I'm not just talking about it as someone who doesn't know what they're talking about. Like, I really feel passionate, and I'm talking with people who have had this affect them to make sure I get it right. And. But it's my next thing of, like, I wanna. I want to blow the lid off this a bit more than it has.
- [17:38]
B
I honestly think that's so Amazing and brave and so necessary because so many. I mean, again, like. I mean, I. Almost 100% of the women that I know, certainly in my age bracket, have had something happen to them. And it is something that gets, like, stuffed down into your cells that you don't want to think about, that you don't want to talk about. One of my best friends actually just published a book yesterday, and it got Oprah's Book Club, which is so exciting. Oh, my God.
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A
I just pre ordered it.
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B
Yeah, the Tell.
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A
I'm so excited. Yes. The Tell.
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B
She's one of my closest friends.
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A
And when I was reading, like, researching about that book. Cause they weren't saying what it was, but was it something that she came to terms with and, like, realized how wrong it was.
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B
Later she did a therapeutic MDMA session, and it all came back Gwyneth.
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A
Like, I have a friend that had the same thing happen to them after a therapeutic mushroom thing of, like, it all clicked, and then it's been verified by other family members. Like, this isn't just something. And it's. And, you know, we all know, like, I. If it. It's just the root of so much evil in our society, just from the perpetrators, but then also the pain that.
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B
It causes and the downstream impact on that.
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A
Yeah. And if. And if it were. If there was a way to talk about it more openly where it didn't make everyone feel weird and you could just, like, these victims would be able to. It's. I can't wait to read her book. Yeah. Thank her for putting that out there. Because it's so brave and, like, extraordinary. Because we need more people screaming about it.
- [19:13]
B
We do. How do you adjudicate? Like, what's too far? I mean, if you take the Tom Brady Roast, for example, that to me was, like, just pitch perfect.
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A
Oh, thank you.
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B
You know, and you could see on his face that he didn't think it was too far. Right.
- [19:39]
A
Yeah. Yeah, I hope so. I didn't really get a chance to talk to him after, but I hope. Cause I didn't want to. You know, there is that. Like, you don't want to make someone feel bad, but your job is to do that. So it's like this fine line where I just try to celebrate them and I try to research them enough, where I'm like, I become a fan, and then when I'm a fan of someone, I don't want to hurt them if I really like someone. And I'm like, wow, this guy's really special. How can I become a fan? First. So, you know, going into Tom Brady, I just didn't know that much about him. And then once I read his book and, like, watched all the documentaries, I'm like, I love this guy. And then I felt like, okay, now I can go to town, because I know it's coming from a place of love. Like, deep down, I am in awe of this man. But, yeah, there's some things like, that I do regret of certain roasts where I've just, you know, I knew mentioning, like, for instance, like, mentioning his ex wife's name. Like, she's not there. She's not being paid to be there. Tom's being paid. So, like, fine, go after him. Like, and. But I'm like, I had to make a decision. Like, do I say this person's name who's not here, who is definitely not gonna like this joke? You know, the joke isn't making fun of her at all, but it does put her in a sexual scenario that I'm sure she's like, I don't need people picturing that. And I.
- [20:55]
B
It was funny, though.
- [20:56]
A
It was. It was funny. And I struggled with it because I'm like, I would probably be annoyed at that. And I go, okay. I'm willing to risk that person never really liking me and giving her and, like, being okay with it and not being like, oh, grow up. Take a joke. Like, no, you have a right to be annoyed. Like, and I risked ever being friends with you because of it. And that's probably a bummer because you seem like a really nice person. You know what I mean? There are times like that where I go. I make mistakes. Like, there's things I've done with jokes that I'm just like, what were you thinking? And that's.
- [21:28]
B
But don't you have the latitude to do that when you're a comedian? Like, isn't that kind of the whole point?
- [21:33]
A
Yes. But then when you get a certain level of fame, you become friends with these people, and then they can become upset about stuff, and then you. Like, when I was just like a nobody, it was like free range. And I never even thought I would ever be at a Vanity Fair party, like, mingling with people I could have maybe done bits about. So, like, now I walk with a little. It's not like I'm a pussy now of, like, because I want to be in with the Hollywood elite. It's like, I just don't want to talk shit about someone I might have to meet. Like, that's just a normal thing. I think that.
- [22:04]
B
But don't you think people are forgiving, like, as well? Like, they. Like, if you. If you had a good, mean joke about me. Yeah, I would.
- [22:11]
A
No, you listen. You are different. Like, you are someone who has a proven track record of having a sense of humor, but about yourself as well. So, like, you wouldn't scare me, like, if I had a joke about you that was, like, making fun of the whole goop, clean living, vagina, egg, candle stuff. Like, yeah, you've heard it all before. Like, I know the area to go in with you. And even, like, and because I, like, I like you. Like, I know it comes from a place of, like, I just. If there's anything I'm saying rude about Gwyneth, it's. Cause it's coming from jealousy. And she would know that too, you know? And so, like, for example, there was a bit I was doing about J. Lo for a while about, like, how her skin cream. I was like, don't trust JLo's skin cream. She's not. She doesn't want you to be as hot as she is. She's selling you foot cream. She's doing. She's mean girls ing you, you know, And I. And I was doing it for a while on stage, and I was gonna put it in a special, but I was like, actually, I think I kind of like JLo. And then I was watching her documentary, and then I really liked her, and I was like, oh, I've had this chick all wrong. Like, she's. Any kind of opinion I had about her was like, the media pushing it down my throat. Like, it was a story I was being told. I was being brainwashed. I think I can see through all of this, and I really like her. And I realize, like, what's this joke about? Oh, she's so pretty, Nikki. You're just jealous. Like, you're just. Did she do anything to you except be pretty? And then when I was able to, like, pinpoint that, then I. So I talked about this on a separate thing that she actually saw. And which I never intended for her to see it, but I was willing to tell that joke knowing that if she ever did see it, it was couched around me being like, I'm just jealous of you, J. Lo. So she sent me her face cream and said, this is for your feet. So funny. And I didn't even remember saying it. I was just like, why? Just what am I what? Like, who sent me this? And we've since become, like, friends from it. But it's like, yeah, there's certain people That I, like, I do think, have a good sense of humor about themselves. In fact, like, at the Golden Globes, like, I thought, you know, Ariana and Cynthia would have no sense of humor about Wicked. It is wicked. It is a. It's about marginalized people being, you know, like, this is a triumphant story of overcoming discrimination. And we are not to joke about Wicked because it is musical theater, it is gay, it is, like, it's everything that society is, like, kind of already. They're already struggling enough. Why poke fun at this thing? And so. And also, you know, their interview cycle was just so, like, so sincere. Right. And I didn't want any moment.
- [24:37]
B
All the tears and Tears.
- [24:39]
A
Yes. The whole thing.
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B
Holding hands.
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A
Yes. It was holding space. The whole thing. And I was there for it. But, man, did I wanna mock it. Right. Also, like, so many jokes written about that, kind of, like, mocking Wicked. And I was just like, I don't think this is it, guys. Like, in my writer's room saying, you know, like, we all kind of collectively agreed if we're gonna go after celebrities, maybe not Cynthia and Ariana. Because the worst thing to do at an award show is to cut to a celebrity that you make fun of. And they're like, you know, like. And then no matter how funny you are, you've bombed because that person just rolled their eyes at you. And, like, even me, as someone who's savvy, would go, that guy bombed, like, no matter what. Because the reaction is everything. Like, it's so important. The cutaways. So important. So, you know, gosh, you've.
- [25:25]
B
I know.
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A
I explicitly told the director and which they already are on it. Like, we don't go to a table that's not laughing. We go. Go to comedians. Like, let's start, like, with comedians and, like, make sure you see who's laughing. And we watch other award shows to see who's good laughers, you know.
- [25:40]
B
Oh, wow. It's a whole. This is am. You see, this is back to your insane preparedness.
- [25:45]
A
Yeah. Of just, like, don't. Like, let's not. And let's not put a camera in someone's face who, like, doesn't want it there. Like, that's annoying, too. Like, I've had that happen.
- [25:52]
B
At a word, who's a good, you know, celebrity laugher then?
- [25:56]
A
Steve Martin and Martin short. Because they're, like, comedians. They're already there for it. Yeah, they'll be into it. I mean, looking back on it now, Eddie Redmayne was amazing. Adrien Brody had a sense of, like, There were people that I was like, just stay off Adrian. When we do this joke about him being a two time Holocaust survivor, Adrian Brody, like, but he was there for it. Glen Powell was awesome. But I said, let's go really slow.
- [26:17]
B
Glenn is a great guy.
- [26:19]
A
So great and funny and like, love. But let's steer clear of Ariana and Cynthia. But boy, was I wrong. Cause I get out there and we do like a couple softballs about, you know, I do some jokes about Wicked. You know, I loved it. My boyfriend loved it. My boyfriend's boyfriend loved it. You know, just like gentle joke. And they were like, I rarely can sense someone's energy in the audience. Cause I kind of blur my eyes because I don't like to see people disappointed. So I just make everyone kind of like this blurry sheen, you know. But I could. Ariana and Cynthia were like this the whole time, like dying to be made fun of. And like. And then you look a little bit more into both of them. They have great senses of humor about themselves. And I'm like, that was a missed opportunity. Like, I thought that they might be too cool.
- [27:04]
B
Right?
- [27:05]
A
Same way I thought about J. Lo. I'm not doing that joke in a special. Cause she's gonna come after me. No, she like sends a joke back to me.
- [27:10]
B
Right?
- [27:11]
A
Like I have to stop. I think that sometimes I underestimate people who I put on a pedestal of being like taking themselves too seriously.
- [27:19]
B
Even though you wanted to fuck her boyfriend on Raya or her husband.
- [27:23]
A
Wait, wait, which one was that?
- [27:24]
B
Ben Affleck.
- [27:25]
A
Oh, yeah. Oh, I definitely, when I used to be on Raya, and he would come across very concentrated. Check mark. Yes. And like never getting it back. There are so many. There are so many celebrities that I saw on Raya.
- [27:39]
B
Celebrities on Raya.
- [27:40]
A
Oh my, my God. So many. Like, there's like. I think Andrew Garfield's face came up for me so many times. Multiple times.
- [27:48]
B
That would have been a good one, right? He's gorgeous.
- [27:51]
A
I'm sure he just didn't see my profile. Even though I clicked on his a million. Like, you know, they'll keep serving you up the same people like again and again for some reason. So every time I'm like, yes, Andrew Garf. Like, duh. You know, this is years and years ago. I don't want to put anything out there. But like, yes, yes, yes. And. And I know, I know for a fact he had to have seen my profile and gone, nope. No. Why do they keep. Because sometimes they send people that you keep saying no. To so, like, I would have matched with him if he was interested.
- [28:19]
B
So he regrets it, I'm sure now.
- [28:21]
A
But like, why not then?
- [28:23]
B
Yeah, exactly.
- [28:23]
A
Because I hadn't seen Dr. Diamond yet. Symmetrical, like. No, but that's.
- [28:28]
B
What did Dr. Diamond do for you?
- [28:30]
A
He.
- [28:31]
B
He just like, we sell his skincare on Google.
- [28:33]
A
Oh, yeah. It's a medicine. Yeah. So good. Injections. Like, he does like a fate. Like literally behind my ear. Filler on the temples.
- [28:44]
B
What does that do?
- [28:45]
A
I don't know. It just gives you, like a structured face. And then he. He just stares at you very long and kind of goes like this. And like you're like, literally, like, talking about intimacy like this close to him, just staring at, like, now look here. I'm like, do I have to look in your eyes? And then I just stare at like the middle of his forehead. And then he kind of just goes. And just like different filler stuff. I'm trying to get away from filler, though, because that's the new trend. I'll get back into it when it's back in. But I don't mind a little Botox lip lift.
- [29:14]
B
I've never done that.
- [29:16]
A
So that's like when they put Botox up here and they're not supposed to. It's not like it's off label. Yeah, it's like, not Botox doesn't advertise. That's a thing you should do. But everyone knows about the Botox. Like, I've heard of it, but what's it called even? It's not called a lip lift. The lift lift is the surgical procedure I do want. Cause they just remove a little flip.
- [29:35]
B
Lip flip.
- [29:35]
A
Lip flip. Thank you. Thank you. And I sometimes get this. And then. Oh, I went really frozen. I put a lot of units up in my forehead recently because it's like. Could be an accordion up there. Thank God I'm getting movement back. Cause I was real.
- [29:49]
B
Is it the pre Golden Globes thing?
- [29:50]
A
No, it was right after. Because I think I, like, saw too much movement on Golden Globes now. I was like, take it out. Like, you know, you just get.
- [29:56]
B
Did you rewatch it?
- [29:58]
A
No, not. You know, you see stills and stuff. But then I. I saw. I don't know what made me go in and go, let's go hard. Because I guess I've never done it before. I'm like, oh, I'm not gonna be on TV a lot. Coming up. Like, let's see what it's like to put a lot of Botox in my forehead. Because I do Very little, usually. And it was a mistake because I just. Oh, it was actually last week. So it's not out, actually. It's still very much in. You can probably see it. But I allow myself to have a sense of humor about it. And I think that's my friends do not on Girls chat. Appreciate when I, like, start making comparisons and like, do side by sides. Like, I swear I do look like Mickey Rourke and I'll prove it. Oh, you don't think I look like Marjorie Taylor Greene? Well, what about this? And I'll like fade her face out and onto mine. And I'm like, you can't even deny it. And they're like, nikki, you're psychotic. What is this app you're using to AI your face? Like, I'm like, well, I paid 5.99 just to prove to you girls that you can't lie to me and say I don't look like Marjorie Taylor Greene. What I do. And they're like, I like, bully my. I literally like online bully myself sometimes. But honestly, just to make my girlfriends laugh and to prove my point of like, don't take this from me, I'm allowed to feel a little bit ugly today. I'm on my period. It'll go away tomorrow, you all know. But like, today, let me prove that I look like an ancient clay mask.
- [31:12]
B
When I turned 40, I had a really unfortunate overbook experience. You did? Yeah.
- [31:17]
A
Okay, so you.
- [31:18]
B
I think it was something around. I was turning 40 and I really, like, I had like one of those moments.
- [31:25]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [31:25]
B
I was living in London at the time and I went to a doctor and I literally will show you pictures like I was a monster and there was a surprise birthday party for me. I'll never forget that.
- [31:38]
A
You did not look surprised or you really did permanently.
- [31:42]
B
I remember Kate Hudson, who's an old friend who's so honest, she's like, honey, what did you do?
- [31:49]
A
Ah, yes, yes.
- [31:51]
B
I was like, yep. I. I don't know.
- [31:54]
A
It's funny. Well, that's great because it's like a bad haircut. It will go away in a few months. It's not permanent. But when it's. When you start getting to the permanent stuff, that's when you're like, I can't, I can't take risks on this.
- [32:13]
B
Can I ask you one question around your non monogamy thing?
- [32:18]
A
Yeah.
- [32:19]
B
Is that really. Cause when I've listened to you talk about it, it sort of sounds like this a theoretical and like a. That it's really about going full circle. What you were talking about in the beginning, like, around competition and are you really non monogamous?
- [32:38]
A
No. No. I mean, I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend were to fool around with other people.
- [32:43]
B
Do you really think you wouldn't mind? Has he done it?
- [32:46]
A
Yeah. And you didn't mind, like, years ago? There were a couple times. I don't mind as long as the girl knows that it's not like she's gonna like. Cause, you know, I think girls sometimes when they. They can be convinced, like, he's gonna leave her for me, it's like, that's not gonna happen. So just know what this is. Yeah, I think it's definitely the competition thing of like, ooh, maybe he will leave me for her. Okay, I gotta step it up. Like, I kind of like that. But I also, like, I think he's hot and I kind of am. Like, try this out. Like, it's like lending like my friend, like a. A hairdresser I like. Or like, I don't know, Like, I'm just like, have a good time. And like, I.
- [33:26]
B
But is that sex? Like, is that a sexual fetish?
- [33:29]
A
Yeah, I think it's a fetish. It's called. It's called. I've looked into it and it's called Hot husbands. So there's like a hot wife fetish that's way more prolific of like, men who want their wives to be. It's not cuckolding. They're not in the corner, like, what are you doing to her? Like, they're just kind of like, they either hear about it or they kind of like orchestrate it. And I don't want to be a part of it. I think he would like me to be a part of a thing with someone else, but I'm not. I don't really. I'd rather just hear about it later.
- [33:56]
B
Is this like another lever for you to not get really intimate with someone?
- [34:01]
A
Yeah, that's what Dr. Drew has told me about. He was like, this is a fear of intimacy and you need to work on this. But. But at this point, like, I just feel so solid with my boyfriend. I think before this might have been like, yeah, like, go find someone better than me kind of thing. But now it's like, it just kind of. Maybe I don't want him to. Let me just play this out really quick. Right now. He comes home from work and is like, I think this girl's into me and maybe we could do something. Yeah, I'd be into it. I would, I would. I just want to hear all about it though. Like, and I would want to hear about it while we were fooling around, right? I would want us to like, pretend it wasn't happening and not talk about it and save it as this secret treat that we would talk about during. Because it just. I don't know. For every person I've ever been with, it has always been a part of foreplay for me to hear about other women. Like, almost the courtship process. I like the will they, won't they? How did you know? I'm really horny for that. I think it's been from watching rom coms growing up. Of like, like a hand touching like that, that innocent stage of like, I think she might be into me like that. And that's a part that I struggle with, of being in a relationship with someone forever that I'm never gonna have that again. Of like the romance, the butterflies, the butterflies. Of like our legs are touching under the table and oh, he's not moving it. Like, you know that moment where they're like, there's a paper that could go in between your leg and like, you both can feel it. And if it wasn't a sexual thing, you just move it instantly. Like it happens with people all the time where you're like, oh, I don't wanna touch the person, but you just. Instead you both leave it and you're like, oh my God. Like, that might be the best feeling I've ever felt in my life in that genre of feeling. Right? And I'll never have that again with my boyfriend. That's. I have to mourn that. Because that's true. Like, if I'm in a monogamous relationship, I might have that flutter with someone and indulge in it, but it can't go beyond that. And what's even the point of it?
- [35:59]
B
I can't go beyond that for you.
- [36:00]
A
Because he's not stuck. He's not into that. And like, that would be a breach for him. So it's not like a two way street. Which I think is fair because it's like he doesn't even want this, like my weird fetish. Like he would be. The strange thing is he's like, I don't need anyone else or crave anyone else. I'll do it if it turns you on. But it's like not something.
- [36:19]
B
Wow, that's super interesting.
- [36:20]
A
It is. I always kind of am reluctant to talk about it because it just seems guys hear about it, they're like, you're a dream girl. And it's like, honestly, if you play it out like, men don't really want women to. Men want to be kept. They, they, they like when women are kind of like jealous and, and care about whether they like sneaking around more than, like, not. They don't. They like sneaking around, but if they're going to do it, they like to not have.
- [36:49]
B
But I wonder if the perception that it makes you a dream girl. Right? Like, I wonder if in some way that's not going back to that vein of perfectionism again. Like, I'm so perfect my boyfriend could even sleep with somebody else and I wouldn't break up with him.
- [37:07]
A
No, no. Because I think it's like, that's the opposite. Like, the girl who would like, let that happen just to be a cool girl. Like, ugh, kill me if I'm trying to be a pick me girl. Like that. Like, I wish I didn't feel this way because it seems like I'm being like that kind of girl. Like, I, I don't do anything that would cause me pain.
- [37:25]
B
Like, that's so interesting.
- [37:26]
A
And I just, I listen. I guess I'm just confident in, like, I'm a pretty great person to date. Like, I just feel like you might have more fun physically with another type of girl. Like a girl with like an actual ash you can grab onto. Mine's kind of like, you know, leaves a lot to be desired. People whiff it when they go to grab it. Like, but you know, like, or like, you know, just like different types of girls. Like, I don't want to catch anything and I don't really. I'm not like, I want to taste her on you. It's not like that kind of thing. Like, shower after, but then tell me about it. Like, interesting. I, I don't know. It's always been a part of our foreplay for me to ask him about past girls, but.
- [38:01]
B
So couldn't it just be, like, couldn't he make up a story? Yeah, it wouldn't do the same thing. You're really fascinating.
- [38:09]
A
That was fascinating. Well, this only came from, like, we were together long enough that he ran out of all of his stories that had already happened. And I was like, I think you need to go make some new ones because, like, I've already heard this one a lot, you know, like, wow. And there's some. And you know, there literally was a time where we were together. He went to a thing and like, met a girl and like, made out and did some other stuff and like, told me all about it. Like, now I'm remembering and I'M not even joking you. Like, I was going through something in my life at the time that I was like, I need to talk to you about this. And he was like, I got a great story. He was so excited and I was, I barely cared. He was like, almost disappointed. Like, I literally just forgot to tell you about it. Like, that's how much it doesn't. I do not. I struggle with jealousy so much with like the way I look with comedy always, who is doing what and I'm not good enough. But when it comes to my relationship, I just don't have a jealousy over him getting close to other women or being like, I have a lot of girlfriends that struggle with jealousy issues of being friends with ex girlfriends or something like that. And I just don't have that. Maybe it's just with him, but I just don't have that. But I have it everywhere else in my life, like crazy.
- [39:16]
B
So interesting.
- [39:17]
A
It's weird if I can't have someone when we've been off and on forever. And so it. I think a lot of my sexual desire was wrapped up in, like, I have to prove myself to him. And like, that almost turns me on as like, I'm gonna win him over. And now he's won over. He, like, loves me for me.
- [39:34]
B
Right.
- [39:35]
A
And it's just kind of like, what's. What am I in doing this for them? So it's. I have to like, investigate. Why am I turned on by like not being like someone not being sold on me? Why does that really horn me?
- [39:46]
B
Why do you think?
- [39:47]
A
Low self esteem, I think. And just also maybe on the flip side of that high self esteem of, like, I want to prove myself what other people doubt or. But I think it's probably low. Being competitive fires me up. If I can make anything a competition, I'll get it done.
- [40:03]
B
Interesting.
- [40:04]
A
And I think I also had a lot of fears around sex and intimacy. Late bloomer didn't start partaking in that kind of lifestyle till like my mid-20s, late 20s. And then a lot of that was alcohol fueled. And so just a sober kind of sexual experience, like, was the first time I ever had, like, was with someone totally sober sexually was like 29 or something.
- [40:28]
B
Oh, wow.
- [40:28]
A
So it was really late and that's. And I think that was when I think the only way that I could get to wanting to do it because before I would just depend on drinking a lot to be like, oh, overcome my fear of being intimate with someone. And then to overcome my fear when I was sober was like, make it about winning or make it about a show, like you're auditioning. Like pretend like you're a porn star right now. Like out of body kind of thing. Don't be you. Because who would want to be with you, right? So I made it like a game. So now I just have to find another way to gamify it, I guess. Or learn to love myself. I don't know. That seems tough.
- [41:04]
B
It's a lifelong pursuit, let's put it that way. Yeah, I'm interested in that. Because you're very open, talking about, you know, the complexities of yourself. Right. And the kind of the things that you've had to surmount. And do you think that that fear of intimacy is like, did that come from something with one of your parents? Like that lack of self esteem? Like, what, what, what do you think happened?
- [41:29]
A
It has to, right? You know, like, I have the best parents. They're like my best friends. And I always feel bad when I even throw them under the bus when I talk about this kind of stuff. But like, you know, anyone who's doing it perfectly is gonna mess up along the way. And I think that, you know, late 90s, that was just like, you came up and like you were a part of that whole thing. It was like. It was treacherous. And there's lots of reels and tiktoks about what it was like to be young back then. But we just didn't. I didn't stand a chance getting out of there, like liking myself. When I see my friends that do, I'm like, like, how did you avoid all of that? Cause I was paying attention.
- [42:06]
B
Cause you thought it was cultural.
- [42:08]
A
Yeah, cultural. And definitely in my family too, though. Like, I think my parents really liked Hollywood, liked tv. Like we, you know, admired stars. So it was kind of like, I wanna be up there, I wanna be one of the special ones. And yeah, it just. It seemed like thinness and beauty were two things that had to happen. And beauty I was kind of waiting for. Cause I was like, oh, grow into. That's just gonna show up. It didn't in the way that I wanted to. And then thinness, I kind of was like, oh, well that's something that I can control. And I struggled to figure it out, but then I did figure it out and then I lost the threat immediately and was totally out of control.
- [42:47]
B
So in terms of restricting.
- [42:49]
A
Yeah. Oh, just like, yeah, I was anorexic and hospitalized my senior year of high school. I like finally figured out a way to do it and I was really. It Was the first time I was, like, good at anything. And I look back on it now, and I'm like, oh. Because I was always wanting to be an actress or be discovered at the mall as a model. Wasn't happening for me. I didn't even go to a performing arts school. But I was, like, not getting into plays at, like, a normal high school. I was getting, like, Jewish Townsperson B and A Diary of Anne Frank my senior year. Like, really embarrassing and, like, trying hard, and, like, I'll dye my hair for it. And they're like, no need. So I was, like, just getting all these signals back of, like, you're not gonna do this secret dream you have that you kind of keep to yourself of, like, wanting to be on TV someday or be a performer. And. Yeah, and then I kind of gained some weight, you know, just as you do in high school, just eating, you know, eight bowls of cereal in a row while watching Oprah after school. Like, you just don't even. You don't have any information. You're just like, cereal, Special K diet, right? You know, like, I literally got discovered at Forever 21 of, like, you should model. And someone gave me their card. Like, it, like, that manifestation of that dream I had, it turned out it was, like, a really seedy thing that my mom took me to in downtown St. Louis, and we were, like, looking around like, these people are models, and it was just, like, a scam. But at least someone gave me that card. I was like, I was discovered. And so.
- [44:14]
B
And I think more importantly, you were sent this really strong signal of approval, like, external approval, immediately, because you were. And I mean, our culture is so fucked up in that way, and it's nearly impossible.
- [44:29]
A
I feel like with the brainwashing that's taken place, like, I feel brainwashed to feel like I'm not good enough if I'm not thin. And yet I've been the size that I'm always yearning to be many times in my life. And I can look back and go, well, you weren't happy. Then there was something else that popped up for you, or, you know, then your face was too gaunt, and then you were looking at your wrinkles, and you wanted to fix that. So it's. So it's all an illusion. And I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated by aging. And then this business just obviously magnifies all of that.
- [45:03]
B
But I'm interested because you are. And this is one of the things that struck me about you when I was watching you. Like, what an iconoclast. You are in the sense also that you are just empirically a really beautiful woman.
- [45:17]
A
Thanks. Like people keep saying, you know, I have a joke about it, like, well, Nikki, you're like Joan Rivers. Like, you don't need to be attractive, which I think is insulting to Joan, even though. And then you go back and look at Joan. Joan's whole pursuit was to be pretty. She felt like an ugly girl. Like, that was a big. She wanted to be taken seriously as like a serious dramatic actress. She failed herself in not, not becoming a serious dramatic actress. And she fell into comedy to kind of like get at the punchline before anyone else could about her. And I always joke and say, you know, I am like, Joan, I'll probably die undergoing a medical procedure as well.
- [45:51]
B
God forbid.
- [45:52]
A
No, God forbid. But like, but people forget she was in pursuit of that as well. It's not like she was just like, no, I'm the goofy comedian. Like she, she wanted to be seen as a stunning woman.
- [46:03]
B
Yeah.
- [46:03]
A
Who doesn't? I mean, there's probably people who don't, but I'm not one of.
- [46:14]
B
How do you reconcile that, this sort of kind of unashamed desire to be a beautiful woman and also to be totally self accepting. Like, I watching one of your things, you were like, yeah, my boobs are falling and this is falling. And that you're working on trying to accept that.
- [46:31]
A
Yeah.
- [46:31]
B
But at the same time fighting it. Right.
- [46:33]
A
That's the paradox. Because that's like, you have to give up at some point. Because I don't really want to be sexy when I'm in my 90s. I think that's like, you can be like cool and like stunning and interesting and beautiful in a different definition of the word beautiful, but like sexually desirable. Like that's just not. You don't want, you don't want to be sex in their 90s. I mean, maybe some, I don't want to say that all women in their 90s don't want to have sex, but I would hope that I don't want to.
- [47:01]
B
They do. You do. I hope I do want to.
- [47:03]
A
Maybe I do. Maybe it's just right now I'm like, I don't want to do it now, so why would I want to do it?
- [47:07]
B
I think you're deep.
- [47:08]
A
Maybe you're tired. I think I'm tired, Gwyneth. But I think that's the paradox that I'm struggling with is like, I wanna love myself for as I am, but I also have to keep doing the things that will make me like Myself more. I mean, like, that's the thing is like. And that's what I get mad about when people are like, love yourself. And yet then you see them doing.
- [47:30]
B
The things like women can't really.
- [47:32]
A
You can love yourself at every part of the process. I think that's what I'm trying to learn. Like, I can still wanna get a brow lift and be able to accept myself without one. And then.
- [47:42]
B
You don't need a brow lift.
- [47:43]
A
Okay, not yet. But, like, event someday. We'll decide someday. In August. This upcoming August. August 22nd. Already booked. Yes.
- [47:52]
B
No, you're perfect.
- [47:54]
A
No, don't worry, I'll deny it.
- [47:56]
B
Oh, my gosh.
- [47:57]
A
I'll just say I've been laughing a lot. Just things are really good in my life. I'll. I. You know, it's. That's. That's the thing that I'm exploring in standup that I love is like. And I'm sure you felt this or just witnessed it at least of, you know, if you have plastic surgery or any kind of procedure that is noticeable, it's like, how dare she? That's a bad example for our daughters. Like, you changed your face. Or God forbid it goes wrong. And then people go, she ruined her face. I mean, we know I say that line, you know, exactly the actresses I'm thinking of. And it's so cruel because it's like, like, obviously they didn't want you to say that about them. They were just trying to stay the way you liked them when they were famous because they felt like they put out to pasture. So they're trying to fix it. And now you're mad at them for just maybe getting the wrong doctor or having, you know, things happen. And it's like, I feel like you get punished unless you do it so subtly that no one notices. And people just go, she's drinking more water, meditating. And so you have to kind of navigate it in this way. And that's why I'm kind of excited to start getting work done. So I can be more vocal about it. Just so I can be like, yeah, I look different. Cause I'm rich now. And I go to this so and so doctor. Like, if you just look into it, I don't. Not everyone can afford it. And that's why you can tell yourself you don't look like people on tv. You can't. It's not because you did something wrong. Cause I think I grew up thinking, man, you like, how come you failed? And that's why I like your whole thing. Because you make it accessible. There's an accessibility to it for every woman. And I feel like that's important and that's why I'm excited. It's rare to find something in stand up comedy that hasn't been already the lid's been blown off of or we're getting honest about this thing. Women have had this kind of like, moment of like getting really honest, especially with, you know, social media. And now I'm like looking for the next thing. Like, what's the next thing I can talk about? Honestly, that hasn't been talked about. What am I looking for more of? And that kind of inspires me.
- [50:03]
B
So just going back really quickly. So I think one of the things that's sort of destabilizing about watching you in the best way is this convergence of physical beauty and you're like searing humor. Like when I watch the Tom Brady roast part of it, like, you're so thrown off by how funny and how pretty you are. Right. Like it's.
- [50:27]
A
That's a fun juxtaposition to me though. Like, that comedy to me is like the unexpected. So I don't even factor that in. But I don't think it hurts me.
- [50:36]
B
No, I think it's very unique.
- [50:38]
A
And you know, I always think back to my influence of like, someone was just asking me the other day about, you know, influences early on, and I always say Sarah Silverman, because it is truly the person that I first and was like, oh, I want to. That's what I'll do. That's like an in. But really, I think about it, I'm like, oh, she was the first girl that was like being like kind of indecent, saying raunchy things, saying honest things, weird stuff. But you were also like, she's really cute. And like, I kind of saw even my dad being like, she's a looker. Like, you know, you get kind of. And I'm like, oh, I want both. Like, I want to be smart and I want to be able to like, hang with the guys and talk like the guys or, you know, girls from my experience, but like, you know, culturally like guys. And then I wanna also be desirable in that way. So.
- [51:21]
B
And it's very new. I mean, it is new.
- [51:23]
A
Yeah, it's very new. Some people say you can't do it. And I agree. Like some people, I do get suspicious when there are people that have always been hot, like from a young age, and then they're like comedians. Cause I think you have to really like have a lot of self doubt and insecurity to be like a good comic or at least one I wanna listen to. So, you know, I remember early on, some girl kind of in the back of a comedy club and she was like, she was this girl that like bullied me when I first came on the scene. Cause I was like young and kind of cute and the guys were interested and you know, everyone was like, oh, she's the next thing. And this girl was like very threatened. And I understand it. Like, it's. There's so few women and a new one comes in, you're like, what's this? So she was in the back of the room and someone told me later on that she was like muttering like, like, the high school cheerleader shouldn't be doing standup comedy. And I agree with her. You don't wanna hear from the high school cheerleader about like, hmm, I feel gross, or just kind of complaining about life that person doesn't have. I don't know how to say it, but you don't really wanna hear comedy from them. And oftentimes they can't offer it, which is fine. But I wasn't that. I never. I might look like I was that now. And I'm flattered that anyone would think that. But that's just. I always felt less than growing up. And I still have that in me. Like, it's like, you know, you never lose what you started out as, right?
- [52:55]
B
I gooper into wellness shit, right? And we sort of have this idea of like beauty as wellness. Like it's, it's a multi pronged approach. It's like internal external beauty. And that how you care for yourself is like actually as important as what you're doing to your face or the creams you're putting on or whatever. So as somebody who is so beautiful inside and out, can you talk us through a little bit? Like, what is your. You mentioned Pilates, like, what do you. Do you have any self care or wellness rituals?
- [53:29]
A
Yeah, yeah, I do agree. Like, so do I. Yes, I.
- [53:34]
B
So hard.
- [53:35]
A
It's so hard. I like it. For the first time in my life, I can really say I do it to be strong and to look good and all the things that happens. But I love doing something every day that like at some point in the class I'm like, I hate this.
- [53:47]
B
Yeah, me too.
- [53:48]
A
And just doing one thing a day, even for 20 seconds, that you're like in agony holding a plank for a minute. Because once you get done with it, you're like, everything else seems like easy to do for the rest of the day. So I like to do that as you know, every day that I can, I try to go. So it ends up being like three times a week or whatever. On a good week this week it was one. And then I. I find, I mean it's. It's a trend on Instagram, but when you can't fit in like a hard workout, being gentle, gentle with workouts like that is new to me. It was always about like you have to run 7 miles per hour and 3 incline and for 30 minutes. And if you don't, then something bad will happen to your family. Like OCD stuff, right? So now I just do 30 minutes on a treadmill with a like a 12 incline, 3 miles per hour. Like it works. It's. And then you get an emails done. It's not in a way that you're like. And even take it down to a 2.5 if you are gasping and like and mess with the incline, but a strong incline without a lot of like not running as much anymore. I was running right? And then meditating when I can. And that even means for like literally 30 seconds, if you can fit it in of just paying attention to your breath for just a short amount of time to ground journaling, writing from the perspective of God to you. If you're wondering what to write or just free writing where it's illegible, I don't even know what I'm doing for three pages. Fill up three pages of whatever hotel notepad or whatever piece of paper you can find around and not having it have to look pretty. Not having a perfect journal, it can just be a mess and then throw it away afterwards. And then my thing that is like the best thing in my life is my girls chat. It's like my WhatsApp that I have 24, seven, like nine girls that are like my best friends since high school, my best friends from college, and my best friends from that I've met through comedy all together. Like I've been the nucleus to kind of plan girls trips and have them all meet each other. So now we're all best friends. And it's like any time of day just getting on there and leaving a voice memo and like just letting it all out. But like I really learned that kind of just being able to share and not necessarily needing feedback, just having people listen. Because a lot of times my friends are like, sorry, I have something to share, but I can't give feedback. I'm like, it's not about that. Just get on and share. Like, I'm not Looking for you to be like, Nikki, that sounds interesting. Like, I'm just trying to barf it out. And I really learned that from, like, 12 step programs like, that I've been in here and there. So if someone's out there, like, well, I don't have a group of nine girlfriends that I have. Like, you qualify for some 12 step program, look into them. They're all over the place. And they are just places you go and you share honestly. And no one's gonna comment on it. No one knows your name. You can be on zoom in a black box. Like, I think people need to. I'm not saying it's gonna cure whatever, but it's like, we need to talk more to each other. And I found that during COVID I reached out to 12 step stuff to handle a part of my life that was getting unmanageable. And there literally is one for everyone. If you think like, well, I'm not addicted to anything, just look into it. You're gonna qualify for one because it's. Well, you can't. You're too famous. No, I'm just kidding. But no, you can do a fake name and wear a mustache, but it's just like, it's so those rooms for the people that have been, you know, lucky enough to get entrance into them, which anyone can really go. You just hear, like, such honesty that you don't hear anywhere else. And it, like, it's taught me how to be even more honest in my standup. And it's just safe. It's a safe space. So I think that's. That's what's most important is just being able to talk to someone in therapy. Going to therapy and couples therapy. Obsessed.
- [57:27]
B
So important.
- [57:28]
A
Like, my boyfriend was so reluctant to do it, and we've been together off and on for 13 years. Just started doing it in the past couple years. And he's obsessed with it. I'm obsessed with it.
- [57:38]
B
That's so cool.
- [57:38]
A
It's just. I can't recommend it enough. And it's like, you just find anyone, and if you don't like the therapist, keep trying. It's like dating. Don't give up. So, yeah, that's. Those are mine.
- [57:49]
B
Amazing. Yeah, that's like, a pretty good roster there.
- [57:52]
A
It's pretty good. Yeah. I'm happy. I could. I could. I would like to meditate more, though. That's always the one.
- [57:56]
B
Okay. There's a little wellness lightning round.
- [57:59]
A
Great.
- [58:01]
B
Would you try this or not?
- [58:02]
A
Okay.
- [58:02]
B
A bee venom facial.
- [58:04]
A
No. Because I'm vegan.
- [58:06]
B
Agree. I'M not vegan, but, like, I don't.
- [58:09]
A
Want bees to have to, like, have a. My beauty.
- [58:12]
B
Like, so this is.
- [58:13]
A
They're suffering enough.
- [58:14]
B
True. And they. Yeah, I think I know the answer to this one. Leech detox therapy.
- [58:20]
A
Well, maybe they like it, though, because they're getting blood.
- [58:23]
B
They don't die.
- [58:24]
A
I'd have to, like, look at how they're cared for. And if they actually, like. Like, sometimes the pedicures where the fish eat your skin, they're like. They like it. It's like they don't. When you go. They're eating. It's like, no, they're starved so that they really. They'll just eat your dead skin, which isn't a part of their diet. So don't go to those places ever. Ever. Cause I was always like, well, it's not harming them. They seem to, like, be, like, eating my calcium.
- [58:45]
B
It's so weird. Anyway, I don't really want to do that.
- [58:47]
A
So gross. Anyway, but they starve them so that they do that. So leeches. I'd have to look into the ethics behind it, but, yeah, I'd be down if it. If they liked it, I'd do it for them.
- [58:58]
B
Fire cupping massage.
- [59:00]
A
Yeah. Who wouldn't do that?
- [59:02]
B
Agree.
- [59:02]
A
I don't know what that is, but sure.
- [59:04]
B
It's like cupping, but they heat up the cups with fire and they put them on your back.
- [59:08]
A
Yeah. Yeah.
- [59:09]
B
It feels good.
- [59:09]
A
Give me those burns. Yeah, I'll take that.
- [59:12]
B
Moon bathing.
- [59:13]
A
What is that? Just boot.
- [59:15]
B
You lie out, I guess, ideally on the grass. And you absorb lunar energy and recharge.
- [59:22]
A
Yeah. I mean, I. Am I buying in? Probably not. Is it seem like something that I could probably use to be forced to do that short? Yeah. To, like, slow down. So, yeah, but no.
- [59:32]
B
Yeah, but no.
- [59:33]
A
I'd be rolling my eyes the whole time and laughing about it.
- [59:35]
B
But okay.
- [59:36]
A
Yeah.
- [59:36]
B
Vampire breast lift. Unlike the vampire facial, you put it in your breasts and it gives them a natural lift.
- [59:45]
A
I've done the vampire facial. The PRP on my scalp as well, where they, like, run your blood in the machine and put it back in.
- [59:51]
B
I try that in a. I don't.
- [59:52]
A
Want to have to have someone, like, slather my boobs. And it will feel sexual even though it's not. I just. I don't. I don't think. I don't really care about my boob skin right now.
- [60:00]
B
Okay, I agree. Would you try the Tom Brady diet of no coffee, no dairy, no nightshades, no grains, no sugar?
- [60:11]
A
Yeah, I could probably do it for, like, 15 minutes. No, I, I, I can't do no coffee. I wish I could. I, I would, I would like to maybe go to somewhere that forced me to do it, but no, no, no. Thank you to that.
- [60:22]
B
Thank you so much for coming on the Goop podcast.
- [60:25]
A
You're better than I could have even anticipated. I'm a huge fan. Thank you so much for being you and everything you've given us over the many years that you don't look like you've aged.
- [60:35]
B
You're so sweet.
- [60:36]
A
Thank you.
- [60:40]
B
Thank you so much for tuning into the Goop podcast. I hope you enjoyed this conversation. See you next time.