The Grounded Union Podcast: Healing From Betrayal and Creating Safety

Episode Overview

In the poignant episode titled "Healing From Betrayal and Creating Safety," hosts Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen delve deep into the tumultuous journey of overcoming betrayal within a marriage. Drawing from their personal experiences, they offer listeners invaluable insights, validated perspectives, and practical strategies to navigate the painful aftermath of broken trust. Released on August 15, 2025, this episode serves as a beacon of hope for couples grappling with similar challenges, emphasizing that not only is reconnecting possible, but it can also lead to a more profound and resilient union.

1. Understanding Betrayal

Timestamp: 00:29 - 02:21

Brandon initiates the discussion by defining the multifaceted nature of betrayal within a marriage. He distinguishes between two primary forms:

• Active Betrayal: This involves conscious actions that directly contravene verbal or implicit commitments, such as infidelity or other deceitful behaviors intended to harm the spouse.

  "The active form of betrayal would be doing things that you have verbally or by default committed to not doing, sleeping with somebody else, doing something consciously that you know is going to hurt your spouse."
  — Brandon (00:49)

• Passive Betrayal: This pertains to the deliberate withholding of love and affection, essentially failing to fulfill the emotional commitments made to each other.

  "The passive betrayal is committing to a life of loving each other and not giving love. So being passive, withholding the love that you committed to, that's a form of betrayal as well."
  — Brandon (02:10)

Brandon emphasizes that both forms, whether active or passive, inflict significant damage on the marital bond.

2. Personal Narratives of Betrayal

Timestamp: 02:21 - 08:44

Caitlyn shares her heart-wrenching experience of discovering Brandon's deceit early in their marriage. Entering the union at 19, Caitlyn was young and held an innocent belief that marriage was a lifelong, unwavering commitment. However, within the first year, she was devastated to realize that Brandon had been consistently dishonest, leading to a cycle of repeated betrayals.

"I woke up to the reality that my husband, who I loved with all my heart, who I thought loved me with his actions and his words, with all of his heart, was actually lying to me."
— Caitlyn (05:30)

Brandon acknowledges his role in perpetuating this cycle, admitting that despite making promises to change—reading books, attending men's groups, and even making covenants with his pastor—he failed to break free from his deceitful patterns.

"I was still doing it. I wasn't breaking the cycle. That's why we talk so much about going to the foundation."
— Brandon (08:10)

3. The Vicious Cycle of Betrayal and Recovery Efforts

Timestamp: 08:44 - 18:22

The couple discusses the repetitive nature of their struggles. Brandon confesses that his initial attempts to mend the relationship were superficial, focusing on temporary fixes rather than addressing the root causes of his dishonesty.

"He says, look, I'm keeping to my eye covenant. We're good. You don't need to worry about it."
— Brandon (10:15)

Caitlyn describes reaching a breaking point after years of being repeatedly betrayed. This "line in the sand" moment was pivotal, forcing Brandon to confront the depth of his actions or risk losing the marriage entirely.

"I jumped into the final step and I said, 'I'm not going to go through this same cycle, in this loop anymore. I can't take it anymore.'"
— Caitlyn (07:50)

4. Coping Mechanisms and the Path to Healing

Timestamp: 18:22 - 35:17

Caitlyn elaborates on her personal healing journey, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging and embracing her emotions rather than suppressing them. She rejects conventional coping mechanisms that often provide temporary relief but fail to address the underlying pain.

• Emotional Acceptance: Allowing herself to feel and label her emotions without shame.

  "I embraced what I was feeling. I let myself feel. This is actually, what a lot of us were never taught to do when we were younger."
  — Caitlyn (12:55)

• Physical Well-being: Prioritizing activities like spending time outdoors, ensuring proper sleep, hydration, and nutrition to support emotional healing.

  "I would put my feet on the grass, I would lay out and let my body reset out in nature."
  — Caitlyn (15:10)

• Journaling and Movement: Keeping detailed journals to process emotions and engaging in physical activities to move and release pent-up feelings.

  "I journaled. I have over 400 journal entries from our season in 2019."
  — Caitlyn (17:05)

Brandon shares his transformation from a state of numbness to actively participating in the healing process. He underscores the necessity of self-empowerment and taking responsibility for his actions to rebuild trust.

"You cannot do the work for your spouse, but you can inspire through the way you're living."
— Brandon (21:30)

He advises fellow betrayers to engage in practices that reconnect them with their emotions, such as cold showers, breathwork, and physical exercise, to break free from numbing behaviors.

"Do whatever is necessary without harming yourself or without harming others to get back into your body."
— Brandon (29:00)

5. Rebuilding Trust and Creating Safety

Timestamp: 35:17 - 43:18

The duo emphasizes that healing is an ongoing process rather than a one-time event. Brandon outlines a compassionate approach for those who have betrayed their partners, highlighting the importance of radical ownership and consistent, genuine efforts to rebuild trust.

"The step is you listen without correcting facts. The second part is you reflect back what you heard."
— Brandon (38:50)

Caitlyn elaborates on recognizing the transformation in her partner's behavior as a sign of regained trust. She notes that authenticity in actions—beyond mere apologies or surface-level changes—signals true commitment to healing.

"When you've woke up and come back alive, this is about you. It's about your spouse. It's about your union."
— Caitlyn (40:50)

They discuss the importance of both partners actively engaging in the healing journey, ensuring that their union becomes a source of strength and mutual support rather than a trigger for further pain.

6. Moving Forward: Embracing a Stronger Union

Timestamp: 43:18 - 46:33

Caitlyn and Brandon conclude by reflecting on their transformation over five years. Caitlyn illustrates the profound changes that occurred once they committed to transparency and vulnerability, leading to a deeply connected and trusting relationship.

"We walked through the fire together, committing to heal and to see each other and to know each other."
— Caitlyn (45:00)

Brandon reinforces the necessity of ongoing effort and warns against half-hearted attempts at reconciliation. He encourages those struggling with similar issues to fully commit to the healing process or consider parting ways amicably if they cannot.

"Be willing to do the work. If you have a spouse like Caitlyn, that's saying she wants to heal, she wants to work through the pain in the relationship, do not drag her along long if you have no intentions of actually healing at the root level."
— Brandon (46:00)

Key Takeaways

1. Acknowledgment of Betrayal: Recognizing both active and passive forms of betrayal is crucial in addressing the underlying issues within a marriage.

2. Emotional Honesty: Embracing and validating one's emotions without suppression facilitates genuine healing.

3. Physical and Mental Well-being: Prioritizing self-care through nature, physical activity, and proper rest supports the emotional recovery process.

4. Radical Ownership: Betrayers must take full responsibility for their actions and engage earnestly in rebuilding trust.

5. Ongoing Commitment: Healing from betrayal is a continuous journey that demands persistent effort, understanding, and mutual support.

6. Empowerment to Make Choices: Both partners have the agency to decide whether to fully commit to healing or to part ways for their well-being.

Conclusion

Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen's candid exploration of their own struggles and triumphs over betrayal provides a roadmap for other couples facing similar crises. Their emphasis on authentic emotional engagement, self-care, and unwavering commitment underscores the possibility of not just surviving betrayal but emerging stronger and more connected. This episode serves as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of genuine union.

Additional Resources

For listeners seeking further support, Brandon and Caitlyn invite participation in their upcoming Grounded Union workshop in San Diego or virtual attendance via their platform. Comprehensive resources and tools discussed in this episode are available in the show notes, offering continued guidance on the path to healing and rebuilding trust.