The Grounded Union Podcast: Episode Summary
Title: How to Get Your Husband to Change
Host/Authors: Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen
Release Date: May 2, 2025
Introduction and Episode Overview
In Episode 8 of The Grounded Union Podcast, Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen delve deep into the dynamics of responsibility and change within a marriage. As they conclude Season One, they reflect on their journey from marital breakdown to profound healing, offering listeners actionable insights on fostering transformation in their own relationships.
1. Taking Responsibility for Change
Brandon initiates the discussion by addressing a common dilemma: assigning blame in a strained marriage. He outlines the episode’s focus on understanding who is responsible for initiating change and how both partners can transition from feeling powerless to becoming active agents in their relationship's healing process.
Notable Quote:
Brandon (00:28): “Who’s responsible for the change in your marriage? How do you get your husband to change? How do you get your wife to change?”
2. The Shift from Victim to Empowered
Caitlyn shares a pivotal moment in their journey—Brandon’s realization that taking full responsibility for the marital issues was the key to their transformation. This shift moved Brandon from a state of denial and victimhood to one of empowerment and proactive healing.
Notable Quote:
Caitlyn (02:10): “Brandon had heard the phrase, 'if you are causing issues in your marriage, you are 100% the problem. And with that, you are 100% the solution.'”
3. Addressing Gender Roles in Responsibility
The hosts discuss societal expectations that often place the onus of healing on one partner, typically the wife. They emphasize that true healing requires both spouses to take responsibility for their actions and contributions to the marital issues.
Notable Quote:
Caitlyn (11:38): “Marriage is about what is seen. Until you can see something, you cannot work on it.”
4. Creating a Vision for the Marriage
Caitlyn elaborates on the importance of having a clear, detailed vision for the marriage. She explains how maintaining this vision, despite external discouragement, kept her motivated and ultimately led to the realization of a fulfilling marital relationship.
Notable Quote:
Caitlyn (20:21): “My vision was very detailed. It was an actual, like, almost like a movie scene playing out. I could see what I wanted our marriage to look like years down the road.”
5. Overcoming Fear and Staying Together with Purpose
Brandon and Caitlyn tackle the fear associated with making significant changes in the marriage, such as the possibility of separation. They advocate for staying together out of a shared vision and purpose rather than fear, ensuring that both partners are committed to the healing process.
Notable Quote:
Caitlyn (22:50): “We are already one. We became one. That's why you can't have people trying to live with all these secrets in their marriage.”
6. Avoiding Blame on Circumstances
The hosts stress the importance of not blaming external circumstances—like financial stress or societal pressures—for marital issues. Instead, they encourage focusing on what can be controlled within the relationship to foster healing and growth.
Notable Quote:
Brandon (28:50): “You are responsible for what's happening in your home. You're not responsible for what's happening in China, for what's happening with the current presidency.”
7. Embracing Power and Responsibility
Caitlyn discusses how embracing personal power and responsibility can lead to profound life changes. She shares her experiences of taking control in various aspects of life, including childbirth and personal growth, to illustrate the freedom and fulfillment that comes with empowerment.
Notable Quote:
Caitlyn (33:12): “When you step into your power, life gets lighter, life gets smoother, life gets simpler, and life is full of much more purpose.”
8. Reparenting and Healing Past Wounds
Brandon highlights the impact of childhood experiences on adult relationships. He explains how reparenting oneself by adopting healthy responsibility can replace past patterns of punishment and abandonment, fostering a more connected and honest marital relationship.
Notable Quote:
Brandon (36:39): “Accepting responsibility means that you could be putting yourself into the place of punishment and abandonment. But in your marriage, when you take responsibility for wrongdoing, it creates repair.”
Conclusion and Call to Action
As the episode wraps up, Brandon and Caitlyn encourage listeners to revisit previous episodes for a comprehensive understanding of their healing journey. They invite couples to engage in workshops and intensives designed to facilitate deep, meaningful transformation in their marriages.
Notable Quote:
Brandon (38:32): “If you got something from today’s episode, go ahead and leave us a review and if you’d like to work with us or join one of our programs, click the show notes below.”
Key Takeaways
- Responsibility Over Blame: Both partners must take responsibility for their roles in the relationship’s challenges to effect meaningful change.
- Empowerment Through Self-Healing: Personal growth and healing are foundational to creating a strong, connected marriage.
- Shared Vision: Maintaining a clear, shared vision for the marriage helps couples navigate challenges and stay committed to healing.
- Avoid External Blame: Focusing on controllable aspects within the relationship is crucial for effective healing.
- Reparenting Yourself: Healing past wounds through self-responsibility can transform marital dynamics and foster deeper connection.
This episode serves as a comprehensive guide for couples seeking to transform their marriages by embracing responsibility, fostering personal growth, and maintaining a shared vision for a fulfilling relationship.