The Grounded Union Podcast Episode: Is Anxiety Plaguing Marriage? Hosts: Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen Release Date: September 19, 2025

Episode Overview

In this transparent and deeply personal episode, Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen explore the often-silenced impact of anxiety on marriage. Drawing from their own near-divorce story and subsequent healing, they break down how unchecked anxiety erodes connection, the coping mechanisms that fail us, and, crucially, the practical, body-based strategies that led them out of emotional turmoil and into genuine peace and connection. Their candid conversation challenges conventional advice and reframes emotional mastery as an embodied, everyday practice—one available to anyone seeking transformation in their relationship.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Anxiety in Marriage: Origins and Manifestations

• Brandon’s Backstory with Anxiety: Anxiety originated in Brandon’s childhood, persisted through adolescence and missionary work, and intensified after marriage.
• Early Coping Mechanisms: “My strategy for facing anxiety was constantly trying to create nothingness… I thought what I was trying to do was come back to peace, but really what I kept trying to do was create an environment where nothing was happening at all.” (Brandon, 01:03)

The “Waterfall Pool” Analogy

• Temporary Relief Isn’t Real Rest: Entertainment and numbing activities (video games, screens) are like the still pool below a waterfall: you feel paused, but the rushing anxiety soon returns. (Brandon, 03:24)

2. The False Equation of Rest with Entertainment

• Cultural Conditioning: Many believe rest means escaping responsibility with a “pacifier” (TV, phone)—but this is stimulation, not true rest.
• Childhood Roots: “This was learned as a child... I had a lonely experience, which led me to coping with that loneliness with a screen…” (Caitlyn, 05:53)
• Rest vs. Running Away: Actual peace is not found in screens but in engaging with the body and the present moment (e.g., going for walks).

3. Emotions: Acknowledgment vs. Avoidance

• The Cost of Avoidance: “Most men and women could spend 20 years running away from feeling one emotion, when all that emotion needed was two minutes to cycle itself through your body…” (Brandon, 07:38)
• Letting Emotions Pass Through: Emotions themselves aren’t dangerous; our avoidance and the meanings we attach to them cause harm.

Powerful Personal Example: Panic in the Airport

• Brandon’s Breaking Point: After a 40-day fast aimed at spiritual growth but rooted in avoidance, Brandon recounts a panic attack at an airport, unable to function or care for his family. (Brandon, 12:13)
• Impact on Family: The cost of unmanaged anxiety extends to one’s spouse and children, not just self.

4. Emotional Illiteracy from Childhood

• Lack of Parental Modeling: Most adults weren’t taught to recognize or process emotion, instead learning to dissociate or numb out through observation.
• The “Adult Tantrum”: Adults, like toddlers, may lack emotional language and act out (addictions/tantrums) to cope.
• Asking the Core Questions: “What is it that you feel and what is it that you really need or want?” (Caitlyn, 16:45)

5. The Path to Healing: Embodiment and Rewiring

• Deliberate Practice in a Controlled Environment: “The way to create a new emotional pattern... is deliberate practice in a controlled environment.” (Brandon, 19:17)
  • Example: Miming emotions physically, journaling, cold showers, breath work.
• Emotions Live in the Body: Emotional healing is not cognitive alone; physical practices rewire responses.
• The 4 Rs Framework: Recognize, Receive, Release, and Replace emotions.

Practical Impact

• From Crippled to Capable: Once daily crippled by anxiety, Brandon illustrates the transformation: “...within two weeks of doing the exercise twice a day, I didn’t feel panic in my body anymore.” (Brandon, 21:15)

6. Simplicity and Resistance

• Healing Is Simple, But We Resist: “It’s so simple that when you hear how simple it is, you want to throw a stone and say, ‘You have to be wrong.’” (Caitlyn, 27:58)
• The Invitation: Freedom is possible and available, but requires changing belief systems and embracing basic, embodied practices.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On What Real Peace Is:
  “Rest and entertainment do not go hand in hand. A screen is entertaining. It’s not restful... You’re not actually entering into a state of peace. You’re most likely running from something you don’t want to experience.”
  —Caitlyn, 05:28

• On Emotional Avoidance:
  “If you’re running from an emotion, the emotion will not kill you. Your response to it is what is bringing you down.”
  —Brandon, 08:07

• On the Real Work:
  “You can either judge yourself, beat yourself up, or you can just simply say, okay, I’m not going to live in that prison anymore.”
  —Brandon, 21:40

• On Transformation:
  “I watched my husband go from not being able to handle a single negative emotion to being able to handle any emotion on all of the spectrums…”
  —Caitlyn, 25:13

• On Resistance to Simplicity:
  “You’re telling me it’s as simple as just learning what I’m feeling and learning what to do with it?... Yes, yes, freedom is already your inheritance.”
  —Caitlyn, 28:50

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro to Anxiety in Their Marriage – 00:29-04:40
• Waterfall Analogy & Coping via Entertainment – 03:24-04:48
• Childhood Roots and False Rest – 04:48-07:33
• Acknowledging vs. Avoiding Emotions – 07:33-14:07
• Brandon’s Airport Breakdown Story – 12:13-14:07
• Emotional Illiteracy and Modeling for Kids – 14:07-19:02
• The 4 Rs and Simple Somatic Tools – 16:45-19:02
• Embodiment Practices and Healing Shift – 19:02-24:09
• Full-Circle Healing & Impact on Family – 24:09-29:41
• Rewiring Our Beliefs & Invitation to Listeners – 28:49-29:41

Key Takeaways

• Anxiety in marriage is often rooted in childhood coping strategies, reinforced through distraction and avoidance.
• Numbing with entertainment creates only fleeting peace and deeper disconnection.
• True healing requires the brave work of acknowledging emotion, feeling it in the body, and practicing new responses—simple but transformative.
• Deliberate daily somatic routines (breathwork, movement, emotional miming) can rewire even chronic anxiety.
• Parents can break the cycle by modeling healthy emotional regulation for their children.
• Lasting change is available when we replace avoidance and old belief systems with embodied presence and self-compassion.

For more resources and embodiment routines, listeners are invited to check out Brandon’s Men’s Community App (see show notes).