Podcast Summary: The Grounded Union Podcast

Episode: I’ve Had 8 Physical Affairs
Hosts: Brandon & Caitlyn Doerksen
Guests: Russell & Kim
Air Date: January 9, 2026

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode features an unflinchingly honest conversation with Russell and Kim, a couple navigating the aftermath of repeated infidelity over their 38-year relationship (32 years married). The discussion centers on the complex roots of Russell’s behavior, the impact on their marriage, the enduring pain for Kim, and the path toward authentic healing. Through compassionate yet direct coaching from hosts Brandon and counselor Sam, the episode explores the process of moving from secrecy and shame to ownership, honesty, and—as the Grounded Union Podcast champions—real, embodied intimacy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Scope of Infidelity

[00:00–05:24]

• Russell admits to at least eight physical affairs, most with strangers during work trips, one long-term affair, and another with a friend while engaged.
• He’s been unfaithful regularly over the last 23 years and highlights a two-year period of sobriety from affairs, but displays fear of repeat behavior.
• Russell states he isn’t addicted to pornography, though he engaged with “soft porn” in college.

Notable Quote:
"Somebody’s offered me a cigar, I can say no. Somebody offered me a drink, I can say no. But meet some stranger that wants to have sex with me, and I have a hard time saying no."
— Russell [04:01]

2. Kim’s Perspective: Hopeful but Guarded

[01:27–13:09]

• Kim describes herself as “hopeful but guarded,” having remained steadfast through cycles of betrayal.
• Her faith and commitment have been anchor points, yet she expresses deep exhaustion and mistrust:
  "It's just been a vicious cycle... No less than eight times that I'm aware of in the last 23 years." [01:55]
• Kim feels manipulated and deceived, highlighting the emotional toll and expressing that she no longer fully trusts Russell.

Notable Quote:
"I can't trust anything he says or does because I’ve spent so many years not knowing something’s right, not understanding until much later why it wasn’t right."
— Kim [09:08]

3. Unpacking the Roots: Trauma, Shame, and Denial

[05:24–16:54]

• Russell grew up in a devout, strict Southern Baptist family, his father a preacher.
• He discloses being molested by a youth pastor for two years as a teenager—a truth he only recently began to process.
• Russell’s emotional language is steeped in shame, guilt, and self-loathing; he struggles to identify “why” he acted out, often defaulting to “I don’t know.”
• Counselor Sam identifies major “missing puzzle pieces” and encourages Russell to probe deeper, challenging his denial structures and self-deception.

Notable Quote:
"I'm ashamed that I have done things that go completely against the way I was taught. And I don’t understand why... I want to own this."
— Russell [04:01]

[Counselor Sam:]
"You have to want to see everything clearly. The number one thing that keeps you from seeing clearly is your denial structure."
— Sam [16:54]

4. The Pattern of Hiding and the Challenge of Full Disclosure

[16:54–29:06]

• Kim and Sam question the completeness of Russell’s story, naming inconsistencies and highlighting likely unacknowledged behaviors.
• The dynamic of Russell’s continued communication with women and putting himself in risky situations (e.g., inviting another woman to dinner for his birthday) is discussed.
• Kim points out that Russell is adept at “leaving out parts”—he admits truth only when directly confronted.

Notable Quote:
"He admittedly and knowingly left out other parts... He knows exactly how he gets himself in these situations. He wasn’t in the hotel room calling his wife or kids to talk. He was out in places he shouldn't have been, doing things he shouldn't have been doing."
— Kim [23:10]

• The hosts and Sam press Russell to shift from “I don’t know” to “I want to see why”—shifting from denial to curiosity and responsibility.
• Russell acknowledges a lifelong habit of “seeing what he could get away with,” tracing it to childhood.

5. The Necessity of Radical Ownership and Internal Healing

[29:06–39:00]

• Sam and Brandon underscore that healing requires radical honesty with oneself first; partner and family healing will flow from this core.
• The conversation emphasizes letting go of people-pleasing or trying to manage outcomes—Russell must heal for himself, not just to keep Kim or his family.
• They affirm the danger of choosing the seemingly "easier" path of keeping secrets versus the liberation that radical honesty would bring.

Notable Quotes:
"The only thing making it difficult is myself, is my denial structure."
— Sam [39:00]
"Would you still want to heal if everyone else left you? Doing it for everyone else hasn’t gotten you anywhere. You need this no matter who’s around you."
— Brandon [36:11]

6. The Path Forward: Practical Steps & Commitment to Change

[44:46–46:53]

• At the hosts' urging, Russell and Kim have discontinued social media and television as part of a “detox,” focusing instead on connection and self-exploration (e.g., walks, conversation, Christian music).
• They’re prompted to continue eliminating distractions that undermine the work of self-examination and relational repair.
• The episode ends with the hope that Russell will commit to this path—embracing uncomfortable self-awareness for the sake of true intimacy, vibrancy, and possibly, the survival of their marriage.

Memorable Closing Moments:
"I want an email a year from now of you being happily married or happily separated, meaning Kim’s finally getting freedom... but I’m guessing that you’re going to dive into this."
— Brandon [46:36]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Russell outlines the scope of affairs: [00:00–03:18]
• Kim describes her pain/journey: [01:27–09:08]
• Russell’s history & disclosure of abuse: [03:54–05:24]
• Counselor Sam on denial and unconscious patterns: [16:54–24:11]
• Confrontation on incomplete truth/missing pieces: [23:10–27:27]
• Why radical honesty is essential: [29:06–39:00]
• Moving from denial to intention in healing: [39:00–44:46]
• Practical detox steps/next actions: [44:46–46:53]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Brandon to Russell:
  "Even though your soul might be crying out saying, I’m not worthy of love... Just look to your side and it’s like, whoa, she’s still here. Why is she still here? Something about you she’s willing to fight for." [01:59]

• Kim on trust:
  "He can be very manipulative with his words... I can’t trust anything he says or does because I’ve spent so many years not knowing something’s right, not understanding until much later why it wasn’t right." [09:08]

• Sam on healing:
  "The number one thing keeping you from seeing clearly is your denial structure... When you live in denial, you lie to yourself first." [16:54]

• Brandon on self-motivation:
  "Would you still want healing if everybody else left you? ... This isn’t for acceptance or rejection. This is because you want to get to the bottom of this virus that’s been killing you your whole life." [36:11]

Episode Tone & Atmosphere

• Raw, direct, and transformative: The hosts and counselor maintain a gentle but unsparing focus on exposing denial and calling forth true responsibility.
• Compassionate but tough love: Both hosts and Kim are unwavering in pressing for truth, with space for pain and shame without shaming.
• Hopeful: While Kim stands at her limit, the conversation offers genuine hope for profound transformation, not just survival.
• Actionable and reflective: Practical steps and soul-searching questions lead the couple toward the possibility of a new kind of honest, connected union.

For listeners unfamiliar with the show or this couple, this episode offers a window into the challenging, messy—but potentially redemptive—work of healing a marriage marked by profound betrayal. The central message: Only radical honesty and intentional self-exploration can thaw decades-old denial and unlock a new chapter of union and intimacy.