Episode Overview

Title: Shaking My Husband for Connection: A Man’s Journey of Waking Up Emotionally
Date: January 16, 2026
Hosts: Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen
Guests: Jeff and Corinne

In this candid and vulnerable episode, Brandon and Caitlyn sit down with Jeff and Corinne, a couple married for nearly 27 years, to explore what it takes to truly rebuild emotional connection in a marriage that nearly fell apart. The conversation centers around overcoming generational emotional disconnect, healing grief and resentment from past wounds, deepening intimacy, and the gendered challenges in processing emotions. The couples share their own stories and the impact of dedicated men’s work, practical embodiment tools, and the pursuit of true union in marriage.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Emotional Disconnect: Origins and Impact

• Corinne’s Perspective: She describes fighting for connection for years, facing her husband’s emotional distance, and the pain of being “in charge” of emotional progress in the marriage.
  • “He just couldn't understand that I loved 98% of our marriage and that 2% where he was disconnected, where I was, like... trying just whatever I could to get that attention and that connection. I think those were long years.” (00:00, Corinne)
• Jeff’s Upbringing: Emotional expression was discouraged in his family; he was left to process negative feelings alone, without tools or models to help him manage or articulate emotions.
  • “Emotions were frowned upon... So it was mostly laying on my bed, either seething in anger or crying in fear or sadness. I don't even know that I had those words until, honestly, two years ago.” (27:46, Jeff)
• Interplay of Differing Families: Corinne grew up in a highly communicative and emotionally expressive family, highlighting the blending of two very different emotional worlds.

2. The Turning Point: Men’s Work and Embodiment

• Joining the Grounded Men’s Community: Jeff shares how involvement in embodiment and emotional response training led to a rapid, visible shift in his ability to feel and express emotions—a change noticed “within two weeks” by Corinne and others.
  • “There was something within the first two weeks that was like, different. Like, it was just this immediate difference between us. Like, our good friends would notice.” (03:33, Corinne)
• The Need for Peer Connection: Both couples discuss the importance of men hearing from other men—how advice simply lands differently outside of a marital context.
  • “Find other men who want to be better and listen to what they have to say because your husband will hear it different. Coming from the male perspective, maybe it's easier to access.” (53:42, Corinne)

3. Resentment, Regret, and Grief: Making Space for the Past

• Lingering Hurt: Jeff and Corinne identify a specific unresolved pain—Jeff’s emotional absence when Corinne’s father died—and how past failures to show up are repeatedly triggered.
  • “Anytime I don't show up in a grounded way, that hurt and resentment that still sits in... comes up pretty openly and is still really tender.” (00:45, Jeff)
• Processing Emotions Instead of Stuffing Them: Brandon and Caitlyn frame regret not as a condemnation, but as an opportunity for responsibility and maturity.
  • “Regret is feeling like what you did will permanently prevent you from experiencing the love and connection that you want now. And we both, you guys both know that's not true.” (40:44, Brandon)
• Embodiment Tools: The hosts emphasize using practices like the “validation flow” and the “4R’s framework” (Recognize, Receive, Release, Replace) to process old emotions and let go of cycles of regret and resentment.
  • “I release this regret... and then you can replace it. If I were you, I'd be replacing it with something like gratitude... that now I know what I'm feeling.” (41:01, Caitlyn)

4. Intimacy, Sexual Health, and Vulnerability

• Openness about Sexual History: Jeff frankly discusses his lack of sexual “brokenness,” early sexual abuse, and honest communication with Corinne around sex. Both note prioritizing connection over mere activity.
  • “In all honesty, Corinne is the only woman I've ever been sexually intimate with. And I would say there's been times in our marriage where maybe sex is not as connected as it needs to be... but both of us desire the connection through sex.” (17:20, Jeff)
  • “He's always believed that that's a fact. And I think that's huge as a woman, for me to have him hear that and take it as a fact. Like, I need to be checked in with her and take care of her emotionally before we have that connection.” (18:01, Corinne)
• Transparency as Intimacy: The importance of sharing not only sexual experiences but any thoughts, triggers, or memories, as this deepens union and removes shame or secrecy.

5. The Power of Generational Legacy and Looking Forward

• Changing the Family Pattern: Jeff and Corinne reflect on how breaking their inherited patterns of emotional repression is not just healing for themselves, but gifts their children—and future grandchildren—a new emotional language.
  • “That's one of the deepest desires of my heart, is that the kids will be raised in an environment that they're safe and understand what they're feeling. Like, that's the legacy.” (58:48, Jeff)
• Envisioning the Future: With their kids leaving home, they discuss intentionally co-creating not just a healed marriage, but an adventurous, fulfilling next chapter together.
  • “I would love for you guys to sit down and just get clear on what does the next year look like for us? What is the next five years like? How do we want to be spending our time?” (49:27, Brandon)

6. Tools and Frameworks Mentioned

• Validation Flow: Listen, Reflect, Ask “What Else?” – helping trigger partners feel seen, safe, and validated (11:53–15:45, Brandon).
• Embodiment Practice: Routine practices (mindfulness, breathwork) that create presence and somatic awareness, especially for men lacking emotional vocabulary (34:44–40:44, Brandon).
• 4R’s Framework: Recognize, Receive, Release, Replace – for actively processing and healing negative emotions (41:01–46:13, Caitlyn).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Corinne on the Longevity of Marriage and Emotional Labor
  “I don't know if it of holding on to those cycles makes me feel safe or if it makes me feel like I sacrificed for nothing... I just know that I don't like when we talk it up that I get so upset and hurt by it all over again because I, in my head I feel like I've moved past.” (06:05)

• Caitlyn Reframing Grief
  “You're grieving the loss of all of those years, and you're potentially even grieving, like, now that you know what it feels like... It's like a grief of like, oh, what if that would have been all those years? What if he would have listened to me?” (07:14)

• Jeff on Avoidance and Maturity
  “I absolutely was a nice guy. So that's that book. No more Mr. Nice Guy heavily, heavily resonated with me... But I would absolutely say that masculine in the relationship has been the biggest game changer for me.” (32:16)

• Corinne on Wanting “Full Access” not Change
  “I don't want you to change who you are. I want you to step into who you are. And I want full access to that. Just like you've had full access to me.” (52:46)

• Brandon on Regret and Legacy
  “Regret no longer becomes I regret who I was back then. All it turns into is responsibility. I can take full ownership for how I showed up the first 25 years because I just found a new tool... There is no better time than now.” (40:44)

• Jeff on Community and Men’s Work
  “Men can hold each other accountable. Especially if the men that you're communicating with are open, transparent, and want to grow. Then all of a sudden you can safely share and feel heard in a completely different way. Something I've never really had in my entire life.” (54:12)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:00–03:33] – Corinne recounts long-standing emotional disconnect and failed attempts at connection.
• [03:33–05:10] – Jeff details joining the Grounded Men’s Community and rapid progress.
• [05:43–07:02] – Hosts probe the impact of old resentments and the struggle to “get over” past hurts.
• [11:53–15:45] – Brandon explains the “Validation Flow” tool for emotional connection.
• [15:45–18:59] – Jeff and Corinne candidly discuss sexual history, abuse, and open communication about intimacy.
• [27:46–30:06] – Jeff unpacks the emotional container of his childhood—and how that shaped his adult responses.
• [32:16–34:19] – Jeff lauds the impact of “No More Mr. Nice Guy” and consistent embodiment practice.
• [40:44–41:01] – Brandon reframes regret as an invitation for responsibility and brings up legacy.
• [41:01–46:13] – Caitlyn shares the 4R’s framework for processing regret and resentment.
• [52:46–54:12] – Corinne and Jeff on men’s peer support and the unique power of male mentorship.
• [58:48–59:36] – Jeff imparts his vision for a legacy of emotional health for future generations.

Tone & Takeaway

This episode is heartfelt, honest, and generously practical. The couples openly share failings and breakthroughs in emotionally safe, judgment-free language. It’s equally a story of hope for couples feeling stuck and a subtle roadmap: change is possible at any time, but it comes through responsibility, community, embodiment, and a relentless pursuit of emotional maturity and partnership.

Recommended Actions for Listeners:

• Consider exploring men’s groups or embodiment practices if facing marital emotional disconnect.
• Use tools like Validation Flow and the 4R’s to process old hurts.
• Have open, ongoing conversations about legacy and future visions with your partner.
• Remember: repairing and deepening connection is possible at any stage of life.