The Grounded Union Podcast: Episode 7 - "The Shortcut to Healing Your Relationship"

Hosts: Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen
Release Date: April 18, 2025

Introduction

In Episode 7 of The Grounded Union Podcast, hosts Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen delve deep into the mechanisms of healing a troubled marriage. Titled "The Shortcut to Healing Your Relationship," this episode focuses on the pivotal role emotions and the nervous system play in restoring connection and fostering a thriving union.

Understanding Emotional Disconnect

Brandon opens the discussion by highlighting the emotional barriers often present in marriages. He explains that many men resist engaging with their emotions due to societal conditioning that labels emotional expression as weakness. Brandon states, “The shortcut is your emotions and your feelings and the bodily sensations, your nervous system” (00:28).

Caitlyn elaborates on their personal journey, recounting how Brandon’s repeated emotional disconnection led to a profound numbness in their relationship. She reflects on a pivotal moment in 2019 when Brandon’s emotional detachment became painfully evident: “you have to leave your body because to be fully present in your body, you would have had to face the discomforts” (04:25).

The Cycle of Denial and Numbing

Brandon and Caitlyn discuss the destructive cycle they endured for four years, marked by Brandon’s recurrent inappropriate behavior and emotional withdrawal. Caitlyn describes feeling isolated and overwhelmed, emphasizing the physical manifestations of their strained relationship: “I remember... I had a panic attack at an airport one time because we were running late... the walls caved in” (14:07).

Brandon explains that avoiding emotions through distractions like social media only provided temporary relief, ultimately preventing genuine healing: “It's temporary. So no matter how hard you're running right now from... you’re running your whole life from it” (14:07).

Emotional Response Training

To break free from this cycle, Brandon introduces practical tools that helped them reconnect. One such tool is Emotional Response Training, which involves:

1. Identifying Emotions: Writing down present-day emotional experiences and associating them with past memories.
2. Miming Emotions: Physically acting out emotions to become more familiar with their sensations.
3. Switching Emotions: Alternating between negative and positive emotions to learn emotional regulation.

Brandon explains, “So this anxiety that I had been trying to escape from... it needed to come out” (16:12). Caitlyn adds that these exercises enabled them to generate and navigate desired emotions, fostering a healthier emotional environment.

Daily Embodiment Practices

The hosts emphasize the importance of embodiment practices—activities that engage the body to support emotional well-being. These include:

• Cold Showers: To wake up the nervous system and increase emotional awareness.
• Physical Movement: Walking, running, or shaking out the body to release pent-up energy and emotions.
• Breath Work: Techniques like box breathing to calm the nervous system and stay present.

Brandon shares, “If you don't, if you are stuck, get into your body, go take a cold shower, work out, ride a bike, go on a walk” (15:23). These practices help individuals stay grounded and present, making it easier to handle emotional conversations with their spouse.

The Connection Flow

Building on the foundation of emotional awareness, Brandon and Caitlyn introduce the Connection Flow, a structured approach to meaningful conversations. This flow includes:

1. Listening: Fully focusing on the speaker without interruptions.
2. Reflecting: Paraphrasing what the speaker has said to ensure understanding.
3. Validating: Acknowledging the speaker’s emotions without attempting to fix or defend.

Caitlyn explains, “You make eye contact just like this... you just say, thank you for sharing” (30:49). This method fosters a safe and supportive environment, allowing both partners to express and validate each other’s feelings effectively.

Breaking Emotional Barriers

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to addressing the societal and familial conditioning that impedes emotional expression, especially for men. Brandon points out, “from a young age, starting most likely around two... you didn’t receive probably a lot of comfort” (23:24). This lack of emotional education leads to difficulties in naming and processing feelings in adulthood.

The Doerksens advocate for revisiting childhood experiences to uncover and understand deep-seated emotions. Caitlyn adds, “if you have anxiety, if you've been lying to your wife, or if you just feel numb... these exercises help you get back into your body” (23:24).

Empathy and Validation

The duo underscores the importance of empathy in healing relationships. Brandon shares a transformative moment where his newfound emotional capacity allowed him to truly empathize with Caitlyn’s pain: “you could feel with me because now you were back on the emotional grid” (41:13).

They stress that empathy is about understanding and validating a partner’s emotions without shifting the focus to oneself. Brandon advises, “Empathy is not about you. It’s making this about her” (45:00). This shift fosters deeper connection and trust, essential for rebuilding a strong marriage.

Key Takeaways

1. Emotional Engagement is Crucial: Emotions are the currency of marriage, and engaging with them can bridge emotional distances.
2. Break the Cycle of Numbing: Avoiding emotions only prolongs marital issues. Actively addressing and feeling emotions leads to healing.
3. Use Practical Tools: Techniques like Emotional Response Training and embodiment practices can facilitate emotional awareness and regulation.
4. Implement the Connection Flow: Structured communication fosters understanding and validation between partners.
5. Cultivate Empathy: Truly empathizing with your partner’s emotions strengthens trust and connection.

Conclusion

In this heartfelt episode, Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen offer a roadmap for couples seeking to heal their relationships through emotional awareness and physical engagement. By sharing their personal struggles and the tools that aided their transformation, they provide invaluable insights for listeners facing similar challenges. The episode concludes with an invitation to join their upcoming workshops and to engage with their Grounded Community for further support.

Notable Quotes:

• Brandon: “The shortcut is your emotions and your feelings and the bodily sensations, your nervous system.” (00:28)
• Caitlyn: “You have to leave your body because to be fully present in your body, you would have had to face the discomforts.” (04:25)
• Brandon: “If you don't, if you are stuck, get into your body, go take a cold shower, work out, ride a bike, go on a walk.” (15:23)
• Caitlyn: “These exercises help you get back into your body, help you understand and put a name to what you're feeling.” (23:24)
• Brandon: “Empathy is not about you. It’s making this about her.” (45:00)

Join the Journey

For those inspired by Brandon and Caitlyn's story and eager to embark on their own path to a grounded and connected marriage, additional resources and workshop details are available in the show notes. Engage with the Grounded Community and take the first step toward creating a stronger, more emotionally fulfilling relationship.

This summary captures the essence of Episode 7, providing listeners with actionable insights and a deeper understanding of the Doerksens' healing journey.