The Grounded Union Podcast – Episode Summary

Podcast: The Grounded Union Podcast
Hosts: Brandon & Caitlyn Doerksen
Episode: "We Loved Each Other… but We Weren’t Telling the Truth."
Date: January 30, 2026
Guests: Bri & Robert

Episode Overview

This episode centers on an honest, vulnerable conversation with Bri and Robert, a couple who—after deep marital struggles stemming from addiction, betrayal, and unmet expectations—found a turning point through radical honesty, personal growth, and the resources provided by The Grounded Union Podcast. The discussion explores the challenges of rebuilding trust after multiple betrayals, the dynamics of navigating faith, sexuality, and daily routines, and the transformative (and sometimes uncomfortable) suggestions that can lead couples not just to survive but truly come alive together.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Personal Story and Timeline of Challenge

• Quick Relationship Start: Bri and Robert's entire romance, engagement, and marriage unfolded rapidly, deeply influenced by Bri's religious upbringing. (00:00–02:00)
• Early Marriage and Unmet Expectations: Heavy expectations clashed with reality; major life changes (moves, jobs, first child, pandemic) added stress.
• Discovery of Pornography Addiction: Four months postpartum, Bri discovered Robert had been hiding a porn addiction, initially involving images of a woman from their church, intensifying her hurt given the personal connection. (03:00–05:00)
• Recurring Betrayals and Emotional Affair: Multiple relapses by Robert led to repeated cycles of revelation and forgiveness; Bri, in turn, had an emotional affair. Even after attempts to reset ("clear slate"), another relapse—this time, inappropriate images of Bri's sister—was the final straw, leading to separation. (05:00–07:00)
• Struggle with Trust: After reconciliation, despite clear communication and no secrets remaining, Bri still felt a lack of trust and ongoing “yellow zone” of connection. (06:19–07:28)

2. The Role of Faith and Community

• Disillusionment with Traditional Help: Both Bri and Robert found their religious community and counseling advice insufficient and, at times, discouraging.
• Desire for Real Change: The couple turned to Brandon & Caitlyn’s podcast and found genuine, practical hope.
  • “Once we found your podcast, this was the first help we had actually gotten where it enacted actual change that lasted.” —Bri (11:44)

3. Healing Journey and Transformative Steps

• Intentional “Clear Slate” Moment: Both engaged in intensive honesty and new practices, enriched by the podcast, which served as a springboard for long conversations and deeper connection. (05:46–06:19)
• Slipping Back into Old Patterns: Over time, as life and exhaustion took over, the couple found themselves drifting apart again, leading to a recent (late November) week-long separation despite no new relapse.
  • Key concern: Lack of observable change in daily habits and not wanting to repeat old cycles.

4. Entertainment, Screens & Dissociation

• Entertainment as “Poison”: Both admitted to using screens (video games for Robert, social media for Bri) as means of escape and self-regulation.
  • “Video games is to him what scrolling is to me. It’s the way to unwind.” —Bri (23:54)
  • “The one episode that offended us the most was y’all’s screen episode.” —Bri (24:54)
• Impact on Aliveness: Screen time, while not “addiction” for Robert, regularly occupied their little available margin, inhibiting connection and true rest.
• Hosts’ Challenge: Brandon & Caitlyn advocate for a radical 30-day break from all non-essential screen-based entertainment, pointing out the dramatic, often unimagined increase in energy, presence, and “aliveness” this brings.
  • “You can’t head that way bringing with you all of your same patterns.” —Caitlyn (31:25)
  • “When you live a life of consumption, you live a life of noise. And when you live a life of noise, you're not at home with yourself.” —Caitlyn (43:08)

5. Vision for the Future

• Bri’s Hope:
  • “I want us both to be unrecognizable. I want us to be in the best shape of our lives. I want us to have energy, a great intimate life, plugged into community, intentional with each other...I want it before I turn 30.” (48:38)
• Robert’s Hope:
  • “I want to feel more thrill in general… more open to ideas… When I actually step out there and do things that are fun, I do end up having fun.” (50:11)
  • (He also reveals he hasn’t let his sense of humor out in a while—a sign of the pressure weighing on him.)

6. Navigating Betrayal, Healing, and Being “Haunted”

• Haunted by the Past: Bri admits being “haunted” by memories of betrayal—especially given the involvement of familiar people (her sister).
  • “How do you not feel haunted?… No matter what I do, no matter where I go, the betrayal's not going anywhere.” —Bri (51:42)
• Moving Through, Not Just On: Caitlyn reframes healing from betrayal as a process of “moving through” the emotions, not suppressing or bypassing them. She encourages practices like journaling, embodiment work, connection to nature, and being present with discomfort rather than using screens to numb.
  • “It’s not about moving on. It’s really about moving through.” —Caitlyn (55:59)
• Understanding Root Causes: Both hosts encourage Robert, in particular, to probe the whys behind his behaviors—not just feeling shame and vowing to never repeat, but understanding the unmet needs or formative experiences underlying them.

Notable Quotes & Timestamped Highlights

• On Changing Together:
  • “It’s the unified belief in what you want to create.” —Brandon (13:44)
• On Radical Honesty:
  • “You guys are having those conversations where you're looking at the mess, and now you're saying, what do we want to create next?” —Brandon (15:30)
• Challenging the Old Patterns:
  • “You can’t head that way bringing with you all of your same patterns.” —Caitlyn (31:25)
• On Feeling Alive:
  • “I want us to feel alive again… I want it all.” —Bri (48:38)
• On Healing Sex & Shame:
  • “Shame will actually keep you from seeing…You just need to say, why did I do it the first time?” —Brandon (53:57)
• On Moving Through Betrayal:
  • “Instead of moving on, you're gonna let it move through and that almost, it completes that part of you.” —Caitlyn (55:59)
• On Screen Time as Escape:
  • “Video games is to him what scrolling is to me. It's the way to unwind. It's the way to get entertainment.” —Bri (23:54)
• On True Presence:
  • “When this [phone] isn't on the table anymore, when that's out of the picture, the presence that we can feel in motherhood is like, whoa, I'm fully here, fully present, fully engaged, fully alive. There's nothing else pulling or tugging for me.” —Caitlyn (57:00)

Important Timestamps

• 00:00–07:00 – Bri & Robert’s relationship history and string of betrayals
• 09:48–13:00 – Impact of spiritual community and finding hope in the podcast
• 13:40–26:00 – Nature of change, relapse cycles, and the importance of unified vision
• 22:03–24:53 – Deep dive into screen usage and its real-life impact (“poison”)
• 30:50–34:47 – Argument for a radical screen fast and redefining lifestyle
• 44:15–48:38 – Creating new routines, outdoors, and the process of coming alive
• 48:38–51:03 – Couple’s dreams for their future
• 51:42–55:59 – Navigating haunting memories and practical steps for healing betrayal
• 55:59–67:09 – The necessity of moving through pain, not pushing it away; practices for healing and advice for mothers
• 67:09–68:49 – The importance of witnessing each other's pain and validating it

Memorable Moments

• Bri calling the podcast’s “no screens” challenge the most offensive but ultimately the most needed episode for them (24:54).
• Robert’s honest reflection on work, emotional burnout, and wanting to experience more “thrill” and joy in marriage (50:11).
• Caitlyn’s heartfelt description of moving through pain versus simply moving on—using vivid metaphors about open wounds and healing (55:59).

Actionable Takeaways from the Hosts

• Do the Work—Daily: Embody new behaviors through breathwork, mindful presence, and setting aside screens—not just discussing change, but living it.
• 30-Day Screen Detox: Remove all non-essential entertainment/screen time to create space for true presence, self-reflection, and connection.
• Explore the Roots: Instead of focusing on preventing relapse, deeply explore why past behaviors occurred to truly heal and prevent repetition.
• Vision Casting: Write out what your “fully alive” selves look and feel like, and make daily choices that align with that vision.
• Lean Into Discomfort: Allow the feelings around betrayal and pain to surface, be expressed, and move through. Crises are not always signs of failure, but potential portals to a richer marriage.
• Support Each Other's Healing: Validate one another’s emotions (especially as wounds arise) through curiosity and presence, not solution or avoidance.

Final Note

This episode bravely charts the journey from deception and exhaustion toward courageous honesty and transformation. Through candid dialogue and practical challenges—especially the bold move away from numbing distractions—the hosts and guests carve out a road to a union that is not just “saved,” but gloriously reborn.

For more resources and to join the 30-day screen detox, visit the Grounded Union App.