Podcast Summary: The Grounded Union Podcast

Episode: Why You Should Stop Everything to Save Your Marriage

Hosts: Brandon and Caitlin Doerksen
Date: October 3, 2025

Overview

This powerful, heartfelt episode digs deep into the case for radically prioritizing your marriage—especially in crisis. Brandon and Caitlin candidly share how their 2019 crisis nearly led to divorce, but how stopping EVERYTHING else allowed them to rebuild not just their relationship, but their lives and identities. They challenge the standard advice and routines, advocating for a total, all-in, no-excuses approach to healing—a “halt everything, make marriage the number one priority” season. Their stories, practical tips, and lived wisdom form both a beacon of hope and a hard call to action for couples on the brink.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

What’s at Stake When a Marriage is in Crisis

• Brandon kicks off with a reminder of what’s really at stake when a marriage is falling apart:

  • The real risk isn’t only emotional pain—it’s the loss of assets, family structure, and generational legacy, not to mention facing the same wounds in future relationships. (00:28)
  • “If your marriage ends…you’re still gonna have to work through your stuff. So saving your marriage…is a very worthwhile endeavor to focus on.” (Brandon, 00:52)

• The Call to Get Radical:

  • “If your marriage is on the brinks, like, why not give it your all? Why not stop everything else? Stop saying yes to everybody else and anything else and start saying yes to your marriage for the first time.” (Brandon, 01:20)
  • The real problem is most couples “float down the crisis river” passively, adapting to a slow decline instead of making dramatic intervention. (Caitlin, 02:00)

Recognizing Marriage Crisis & Making Healing #1

• How to Know You’re in Crisis:

  • “Do you feel like best friends? Do you feel connected? Do you feel like your relationship is alive and vibrant? …most people know if they’re in crisis.” (Caitlin, 01:59)
  • “Wouldn’t you rather halt everything in your life and make this the number one priority for months…? It’s not about the timeframe, it’s about the end goal.” (Caitlin, 03:15)

• The Myth of “Managing” Until it Passes:

  • Many just keep floating for years, thinking pain is inevitable or thinking they’re too busy to focus on healing. The hosts say, stop now—don’t let a decade slip by in crisis. (Caitlin, 03:34)

• Impact on Children and Family Legacy:

  • Making the marriage priority is not neglect of children; it’s actually the most loving thing for their future stability, security and modeling of healthy love. (Caitlin, 04:10)
  • “Your children are the closest direct impact to your marriage being together…they’re the ones that directly benefit or negatively impact from it.” (Caitlin, 04:25)

Facing Shame & Embracing Help

• Why Getting Help is Taboo—and Why That Must Change:

  • Many wait until it feels “too late” out of embarrassment or the desire to save face. The Doerksens insist that real courage is being open, seeking help, and fighting for the relationship. (Brandon, 05:43)
  • “There’s nothing embarrassing about saying you need help and you’re in crisis. Are you listening to me?…That’s one of the things that stops people from even acknowledging it.” (Brandon, 07:15)

• Don’t “Settle” as Roommates:

  • “Living like roommates is actually ruining everything around you...It’d be better for you to get divorced and go through a radical healing journey on your own than to pretend to be roommates for the rest of your life.” (Brandon, 08:30)

• Reevaluate Your Social Circles:

  • If friends normalize divorce, disengagement, or “the norm” of failed relationships, find a new circle that values fighting for unity. (Brandon, 09:18)

The Three Essentials for Healing: Time, Energy, Focus

1. Time

• Devote Personal and Shared Time:

  • Healing isn’t done in isolation—it’s a together process. Practical tip: carve out periods for focused work (personal reflection, shared dialogue).
  • "Everything we teach is time together to heal. This isn’t a separate thing. This isn’t a men’s group and a women’s group.” (Caitlin, 09:50)

• Remove Entertainment:

  • “Remove distractions, AKA remove entertainment...you just need to turn off your freaking phone and TV shows and entertainment, and you’ll have plenty of hours in the day to work on your relationship.” (Brandon, 13:55)
  • “If you don’t know what your screen time is, pause this episode right now…Most people are going to be like, boom. I don’t want to say that.” (Caitlin, 16:49)

2. Energy

• Generate and Protect Energy:
  • Embodiment is key—move your body, get outdoors, do breathwork, tend to your physical health.
  • “You’re not going to be the little dude with a shovel. That’s what we look like trying to heal with no energy….When you start engaging your body, you unlock the energy to just plow through everything.” (Brandon, 20:45)

3. Focus

• Prioritize Ruthlessly, Say “No” to Extra Commitments:
  • Put all volunteer roles, extra activities, even church/ministry obligations on hold—anything not essential to survival or core values.
  • “Nothing extra. The volunteering stops. You stop going to all the things that you’re doing for everybody else, all the unnecessary things that don’t keep the lights on, that don’t keep the bills paid. Everything else can take a backseat.” (Brandon, 22:12)

Identity Reformation & The Gift of Unraveling

• Letting Go to Rebuild:

  • The hosts emphasize the painful, necessary journey of stepping out of prestigious or comfortable roles—Brandon shares stepping down from ministry, highlighting how identity wraps around titles, positions, even healthy-seeming commitments. (Brandon, 25:32)
  • “Let everybody else down. Let your income fluctuate for a time and take a step back. Allow your identity to unravel.” (Brandon, 28:31)

• True Self Beyond Labels:

  • “You’re going to have an identity recreation to literally rebirth into your true, authentic self, which is going to be way greater than what you were trying to muster all your strength to stay into.” (Caitlin, 30:40)

• The Final Test—Your Beliefs:

  • Challenge faith or spiritual beliefs that keep you stuck in guilt or brokenness—rebuild a framework that supports genuine healing, not simply “being a sinner saved by grace.” (Brandon, 35:01)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Wouldn’t you rather halt everything in your life and make this the number one priority for months…It’s not about the timeframe, it’s about the end goal.” (Caitlin, 03:15)

• “There’s nothing embarrassing about saying you need help and you’re in crisis. Are you listening to me? There’s nothing embarrassing about doing that.” (Brandon, 07:15)

• “Remove distractions, AKA remove entertainment…turn off your freaking phone and TV shows and entertainment, and you’ll have plenty of hours in the day.” (Brandon, 13:55)

• “You can figure out what you care about most by looking at what you spend all of your time at…Make a subtle shift…to align with the things that matter to you most.” (Caitlin, 23:01)

• “We will never burn out doing this because this will always remain—our union, our family will always remain our top priority.” (Caitlin, 34:00)

• “If you ignore the emergency signals and you say…‘I’m fine,’…you can ignore it, you can keep going, but it will crumble at some point.” (Brandon, 35:01)

• “It is so worth making this the priority of all of your time, all of your energy, and all of your focus…The other side of it is full. So much joy and light and purpose and connection.” (Caitlin, 38:25)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• What’s at Stake in Divorce/Separation: 00:28–01:20
• Recognizing Crisis & The Need to Get Radical: 01:59–03:34
• Children & The Ripple Effect: 04:10–05:00
• Taboo Around Counseling & Help: 05:43–08:30
• Social Circles—Normalizing Divorce: 09:18–09:35
• The Three Essentials to Heal—Time, Energy, Focus: 09:35–16:23
• Entertainment as Time Thief: 13:55–16:49
• Embodiment & Energy Management: 18:13–21:23
• Practical Prioritization—Saying No: 22:12–23:01
• Identity & Role Unraveling: 25:32–30:40
• Faith Narratives & Belief Shifts: 35:01–37:00
• A New Foundation & Hopeful Outlook: 38:25–39:04

Conclusion: The Radical Invitation

The Doerksens close by reiterating that doing the dramatic, scary thing—stopping everything and making your marriage THE priority—really is worth every cost. Everything good in their lives now—connection, family, a thriving mission—flows from the willingness to face pain, let go of false identities, and focus relentlessly on healing together.

“It is so worth making this the priority of all of your time, all of your energy, and all of your focus...The other side of it is full. So much joy and light and purpose and connection…” (Caitlin, 38:25)

For couples in crisis, this episode isn’t just wisdom—it’s a lifeline and a rallying cry.

Resource Links Mentioned:

• Grounded Intimacy program for couples (40:50)
• Grounded Nation men’s community app (40:58)

(See show notes for details.)