The Grounded Union Podcast: Episode Summary
Episode Title: Why Your Relationship Feels Flat and Disconnected
Release Date: April 25, 2025
Hosts: Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen
Introduction and Episode Focus
In this enlightening episode of The Grounded Union Podcast, hosts Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen delve into the pervasive issue of relationship stagnation and disconnection. Drawing from their personal journey of overcoming marital challenges, they explore how modern distractions, particularly media consumption, contribute to feelings of flatness and detachment in relationships.
The Impact of Media Consumption on Relationships
Brandon opens the discussion by addressing the excessive time spent on entertainment and digital media as a primary culprit for emotional disconnect. He states:
“One of the biggest things that keeps most couples stuck and Ke me stuck was the incessant need for entertainment and have an artificial screen in my face...”
[01:30] Brandon
Brandon highlights how activities like video gaming, social media scrolling, and binge-watching TV shows can consume up to three to four hours of each day, leaving little room for meaningful interactions. This constant engagement with screens not only distracts individuals from their partners but also diminishes their capacity for personal growth and emotional healing.
Personal Journey: Eliminating Media for Deeper Connection
Caitlyn shares their intentional decision to abstain from television and excessive screen time as newlyweds, emphasizing the positive impact it had on their relationship:
“We just thought we would do this fun adventure and see what else we could do... playing cribbage sometimes, like for two hours every single night.”
[03:45] Caitlin
This commitment to reducing media consumption fostered deeper connections through shared activities and conversations, laying a strong foundation for their marriage. Over the years, they extended this practice, eliminating TV from their household completely and encouraging their children to live screen-free lives. Caitlyn notes:
“Our kids... are not missing out, they're living a great life... very present, they are very calm, they are very regulated.”
[18:00] Caitlin
Breaking Boundaries and Rebuilding Trust
Brandon discusses the challenges they faced when Brandon turned to screens during stressful periods, leading to emotional numbness and secrets that strained their marriage:
“When things were more difficult... Now we're going to talk about giving you some insights into how big of a role your phone, computer, your TV and light...”
[06:34] Brandon
This period of disconnection underscored the importance of maintaining boundaries around media use. Caitlyn explains how Brandon’s late-night phone use and consumption of provocative content led to a breach of trust, prompting them to re-evaluate and recommit to their values.
Practical Solutions: Creating Instead of Consuming
The hosts advocate for a conscious shift from passive media consumption to active creation and meaningful engagement. They suggest:
- Unplugging for 30 Days: Taking a break from all forms of media to reassess personal and relational priorities.
- Engaging in Nature: Incorporating daily walks and outdoor activities to reconnect with oneself and each other.
- Creating Together: Pursuing shared hobbies and creative projects that foster collaboration and intimacy.
Brandon emphasizes the societal cost of media consumption:
“Your attention is the most valuable thing you have... media is not meant for you to spend 10 minutes on them. It is meant to be spent four or five hours on it.”
[13:00] Brandon
By reducing screen time, couples can redirect their energy towards nurturing their relationships and personal well-being.
The Role of Light in Mental and Emotional Health
Brandon and Caitlyn also explore how artificial lighting affects our biological rhythms and emotional states. Brandon explains:
“Artificial blue light... messes with our circadian rhythm... keeps you alert, keeps you awake.”
[35:13] Brandon
They recommend minimizing exposure to blue light by:
- Using Red or Incandescent Lights: Opting for warmer lighting in the evenings to promote relaxation and better sleep.
- Embracing Natural Light: Encouraging exposure to sunlight during the day to enhance mood and energy levels.
Caitlyn adds practical tips for households:
“When the sun goes down, there is no lights on... light some candles and snuggle on the couch and we'll talk.”
[38:35] Caitlin
Encouragement to Take Action: The 30-Day Challenge
A central theme of the episode is the 30-day media detox challenge. Brandon and Caitlyn urge listeners to:
- Unplug from All Media: Remove TVs, limit phone use, and pause digital subscriptions.
- Rewire Daily Routines: Replace screen time with activities that foster creativity and connection.
- Recommit to Values: Strengthen personal and relational boundaries to prevent relapse into old habits.
Caitlyn reinforces the potential transformation:
“Take that 30 days and for us, what we found is that was crucial for us healing and getting back connected again.”
[34:24] Caitlin
Participants are encouraged to share their experiences with the hosts, fostering a community of support and accountability.
Conclusion: Embracing a Life of Intentionality and Connection
Brandon and Caitlyn conclude by reiterating the profound benefits of reducing media consumption, including enhanced emotional intimacy, personal fulfillment, and a deeper sense of purpose. Brandon shares a personal anecdote to illustrate these benefits:
“When I stopped once we were in our season of brokenness, I committed and agreed to not taking my phone in the bathroom... went from 30 minutes to one minute.”
[42:02] Brandon
This example underscores how small changes in media habits can lead to significant improvements in daily life and relational health.
Caitlyn wraps up the episode with a heartfelt invitation:
“We are inviting you into creating that... if you're brave enough to do it, things will transform.”
[44:55] Caitlin
Listeners are encouraged to take the first step towards revitalizing their relationships by embracing intentional living over passive consumption.
Key Takeaways:
- Media Consumption: Excessive engagement with screens can lead to emotional numbness and relationship disconnection.
- Personal Boundaries: Establishing and maintaining media boundaries is crucial for trust and intimacy.
- Active Creation: Shifting focus from consuming to creating can rejuvenate relationships and personal well-being.
- Natural Light: Minimizing artificial blue light improves sleep and emotional health.
- 30-Day Challenge: A media detox can kickstart the healing and reconnection process in relationships.
By addressing the root causes of disconnection and providing actionable steps, Brandon and Caitlyn offer a transformative approach to building and sustaining a deeply connected and fulfilling marriage.