"Birds Are Like My Afternoon Martini" (Birding with Lili Taylor)

Summary

The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos Episode: "Birds Are Like My Afternoon Martini" (Birding with Lily Taylor) Release Date: June 30, 2025

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Introduction

In this enlightening episode of The Happiness Lab, Dr. Laurie Santos delves into the therapeutic world of bird watching with guest Lily Taylor, a renowned actor and author. Titled "Birds Are Like My Afternoon Martini," the episode explores how engaging with nature, particularly through birding, can serve as a powerful coping mechanism for stress and emotional well-being.

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Guest Introduction and Background

[02:17] Lily Taylor, known for her roles in American Crime and Six Feet Under, shares her journey from portraying complex characters on screen to finding solace in the avian world. Dr. Santos recalls Lily's previous appearance on the show, where Lily discussed the happiness insights from romantic comedies like Say Anything.

Notable Quote:

"Artists often use their work as a means of coping with difficult emotions, a process Freud referred to as sublimation. But what happens when an artist's work becomes a source of stress?"
– Lily Taylor [03:14]

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The Intersection of Acting and Stress

Lily opens up about the challenges of embodying diverse characters, which often entails emotional exhaustion and anxiety. Traveling for roles, especially to unconventional filming locations like an abandoned college campus in Santa Fe, heightened her stress levels. The isolation and eerie environment exacerbated her feelings of disconnection and fear.

Notable Quote:

"Part of my job is that I merge with a character. After a tough role, returning to myself can be overwhelming."
– Lily Taylor [03:47]

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Discovering Bird Watching as a Coping Mechanism

Faced with mounting anxiety, Lily sought a way to transform her unfamiliar surroundings into a comforting space. Her discovery came through the melodies of house finches, which became a metaphor for connection and belonging. This revelation inspired her to create inviting environments for birds, turning barren spaces into habitats that fostered both wildlife and her own sense of home.

Notable Quote:

"Birds tell me what's going on in the environment. They guide me to understand where I am and make the place feel friendlier."
– Lily Taylor [06:15]

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Embracing Awe Through Bird Watching

Dr. Santos and Lily discuss the profound impact of experiencing awe, an emotion characterized by admiration and elevation in response to beauty. Lily recounts witnessing the intricate mating dances of the waved albatross in the Galapagos, an experience that moved her to tears and deepened her appreciation for nature's wonders.

Notable Quote:

"When I watch birds, I feel part of something greater. It's like a transition that brings me from one world to another."
– Lily Taylor [08:26]

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Mindfulness and the Art of Noticing

Drawing parallels with Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer's concept of mindfulness, Lily emphasizes the importance of intentionally noticing new things in one's environment. This active form of mindfulness contrasts with passive meditation, providing her with a grounded and compassionate approach to emotional regulation.

Notable Quote:

"Birding has helped me slow down. It allows me to savor the moment without the pressure of achieving something."
– Lily Taylor [17:30]

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Social Connections Through Birding

Contrary to the stereotype of birdwatching as a solitary activity, Lily shares heartwarming stories of how birding has facilitated meaningful social interactions. One such encounter in Brooklyn involved educating a fellow park-goer about the downy woodpecker, fostering a brief yet profound connection.

Notable Quote:

"By providing for birds, like putting out suet, not only do animals come, but people do too. It creates moments of shared care and connection."
– Lily Taylor [28:09]

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Practical Advice for Aspiring Birders

Lily offers actionable tips for those interested in bird watching:

• Start Simple: Step outside and observe your immediate surroundings.
• Use Technology: Apps like Merlin can help identify bird sounds and species.
• Invest in Tools: A pair of binoculars and a guidebook, such as the Sibley Guide, can enhance the experience.
• Create Habitats: Setting up bird feeders and houses can attract a variety of species to your area.

Notable Quote:

"Just step outside and see what's around. Use apps to identify birds and enjoy the surprises nature offers."
– Lily Taylor [29:31]

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Conclusion and Takeaways

Through Lily Taylor's narrative, the episode underscores several key strategies for enhancing well-being:

1. Seek Quiet Spaces: Retreat to environments that allow for introspection and reconnection.
2. Find Moments of Awe: Engage with the natural world to cultivate a sense of transcendence.
3. Practice Mindfulness: Intentionally notice and appreciate the details in your surroundings.
4. Embrace Atelic Activities: Engage in activities done for their own sake, without external rewards.

Dr. Santos wraps up by highlighting the transformative potential of integrating bird watching into one's life, not only as a hobby but as a profound tool for emotional resilience.

Notable Quote:

"Experiencing awe makes us feel more connected to people and things beyond ourselves, ultimately enhancing our well-being."
– Dr. Laurie Santos [17:35]

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Looking Ahead

The episode concludes with a teaser for the next installment, which will explore the stress-relieving power of music, featuring a cellist who found solace and identity through his instrument.

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Final Thought: Lily Taylor's journey from the pressures of acting to the peaceful practice of bird watching illustrates the profound impact that intentional, nature-based activities can have on our mental and emotional health. By slowing down, observing, and connecting with the world around us, we can cultivate greater happiness and resilience in our lives.

Transcript

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

This is an iHeart podcast.

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[Lily Taylor]

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[Dr. Laurie Santos]

Pushkin.

[Lily Taylor]

Today on the Happiness Lab, we're continuing our series on the unexpected creative ways that people cope with stress.

Can you hear me? Okay, testing, testing.

And in this episode, I have the treat of speaking with someone who's featured prominently in some of my all time favorite movies.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

So we usually just have folks begin by introducing themselves.

[Lily Taylor]

So tell me.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

Tell us your name and who you are and what you do.

[Lily Taylor]

I'm Lily Taylor and I'm an actor and I've done movies, TV and theater.

This is actually not the first time Lily's voice has appeared on the Happiness Lab. If you're a fan of the show, you might remember our how to series on the happiness insights of romantic comedies. Back then, I shared an entire episode devoted to say Anything, the Coming of age movie starring John Cusack as the love struck underachiever Lloyd Dobler. Lily played Lloyd's musician best friend Corey, who performed the emotionally charged and now iconic breakup song Joe Lies.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

Julys July. I revisited the movie having not seen it since, like, the 80s, right. And that was, like, one of the parts that I genuinely remember. Do you still play Joe Lies or.

[Lily Taylor]

No, I don't play it, but I get asked to sing it a lot on the street.

Lily has had a rich and varied career since say anything. You may know her from her lead role as Anne Blaine in ABC's American Crime or as Lisa Kimmel in HBO's Six Feet Under. Artists of her caliber often use their work as a means of coping with difficult emotions, a process that Freud famously referred to as sublimation. But what happens when an artist's work is the thing that's causing their stress? Where do you turn when your creative outlet becomes a source of emotional weight? Lily's had to confront these questions throughout her acting career, especially during more challenging roles.

Part of my job is that I merge with a character. Like, maybe I'd been working with the character all day, and we'd been in a really difficult situation, so we'd been crying all day, and then the day ends. I need to leave her there, and then I have to return back to me.

But returning back to her own identity after a tough role isn't the only challenge Lily's faced in her acting career. An even tougher stressor is the ceaseless travel that being a professional actor requires. Lily often finds herself filming on location, far away from home. She has to uproot her life and travel to another part of the world at a moment's notice.

So I can be in my little routine, and then I can be somewhere else very quick, and I can be there anywhere from a couple of weeks to six months to even a year.

She found herself in this very situation. Recently, a new TV series sent her to Santa Fe, New Mexico. During the project, Lily struggled with more anxiety than usual. She was homesick and worried about her performance. Plus, the unconventional studio space the show filmed in gave her an eerie, uneasy feeling.

It was actually a school, a college that had been abandoned. So it had even, like, a sad quality. You know, it was full of life, and now it's just, like, empty dorms and tossed chairs.

Lily was used to a little discomfort while filming on location, but this time was different. Her sense of stress and disconnection was starting to feel overwhelming.

And then I realized I'm actually just afraid. Afraid of the unknown, afraid of the character. I was going to be there for about five months.

What could Lily do to make her strange space feel like home? The answer Came from above.

What happened was these house finches started to sing, and I was aware of their song wherever I went, almost like I was the baton that they were sort of passing amongst each other. And they sort of asked me from place to place. And so everywhere I went was like, oh, there's a song. There's a song. And I felt sort of welcomed. So I realized, okay, wait, I can use that right now. I can set up a theater, a bird feeder, so I have some friends so I can get to my neighbors. My little house finches were my main neighbors, so this place doesn't feel so foreign to me.

Lily says that she often finds herself turning to birds during times of stress, hence the title of her new book, Turning to the Power and Beauty of Noticing.

What I've realized about birds is, first of all, they're everywhere, So I really have a friend anywhere I go. And they're connected to where they are because they depend on the environment, they depend on food sources, on water, so they're almost like a guide. And there's usually a story that brings me into other parts of the whole area. It's like, even if someone's not into birds, they're still a pretty interesting way to get to know a place. You know, National Audubon has a phrase, birds tell us, and I love it because, like, birds tell me what is going on in New Mexico. They tell me there's lots of different ecosystems, there's lots of different altitudes. They give you a deeper sense of where you are. And, like, I realized I don't know where I am a lot. Like, in a deep way, where's north even? I don't even know where north is. What am I standing on? What's around me? I don't know anything. And when I start to realize, like, oh, I'm standing on a glacier that moved 10,000 years ago makes me feel like really a part of time, a part of history. So if I'm going to make the new place home, one of my ways in is birds. When I get to know the birds, I get to know the environment. And so anywhere I go starts to take on more meaning in that I can be on the highway that can feel lonely, but I know there's a river right next to me, and I know that there's habitat yonder. I know all these things that start to make the place feel friendlier to me.

Birds also help Lily find peace after an emotionally draining day on the job. They can help her finally settle down after bringing a complex character to life.

Going to just sit and just watch some birds and just relax, like, I guess, would be my transition back into myself. I guess it's the equivalent of a afternoon martini that they used to do in the. In the old days. But we all need to find ways to leave the job and go back to ourselves. And birds can be a transition because they can just sort of bring you from one world to the other.

And that's why Lily invests in creating inviting spaces for birds wherever she goes, including that abandoned college campus that she had previously found so unwelcoming. All it took was a quick trip to the hardware store, Some birdseed, and a bit of elbow grease.

So I bought a birdhouse, and I bought a bird feeder, and I bought a water tray, and then I bought a hummingbird feeder, and then a whole habitat started to get created. You can sort of make something out of nothing. Life will come.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

So how did you get into birds in the first place?

[Lily Taylor]

Right.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

It seems like you have this deep connection with them, but, like, what's the origin story there? How did it start?

[Lily Taylor]

I feel like I always knew about them more than maybe the average person. My parents put out a feeder and water and breadcrumbs. I had an awareness of them. I liked them. I thought they were interesting. But the whole thing with me was I wasn't really noticing them. And that happened when I had a quiet moment very similar to everyone else's. Covid moment, where a lot of people slowed down during COVID People started to get into different things. And some people did get into birds during that Covid moment. Well, mine happened just 15, 20 years earlier.

@ the time, Lily had been going from project to project without a break. She was noticing all the psychological signs of burnout. She was emotionally exhausted and feeling uninspired by her work. With her star on the rise, she could have kept pushing, but instead, she chose to do the courageous thing we recommend a lot on this show and something that I did myself When I was feeling burned out. Lily took a sabbatical.

I was so depleted and exhausted and maybe hadn't been listening to myself, but it's a great example of a door closes and a door opens. Sometimes we have to kind of bring ourselves to that sort of heightened level. Right. In order to get a message. It's like a nightmare. You know, nightmares aren't necessarily bad. They can sometimes really say, hey, I really need you to listen to this. And that's kind of what I had.

During her sabbatical, Willie retreated to her home in upstate New York, which sits on 100 acres of protected farmland. Most years, the property would be busy with incoming trucks and the incessant buzz of farming equipment. But this year, the farmers who tended the land chose to let it lie fallow. They were giving the soil a break so that it could heal for the future. All the usual activity, all the usual buzz, it just stopped. That silence felt like the perfect metaphor for the grace Lily was trying to give herself.

And so things quieted down. I started to hear things in a way that I hadn't before. And so there was that space where I was able to say, wait a minute. That thing that I'm hearing, that call, that bird call, is not just a general call. There is something going on there. And realize there's stories going on out there. There are things with meaning. Drama, mating, death, life, the will to live. And so then I started following those noises, those sounds. I followed it into different kinds of life and start to look outside myself and see what's around me, start to pay attention.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

In the book, you taught me something really interesting, which was the Latin root of attention, which I guess is tendere, which is like tendon. It's reaching towards which I really love this idea of reaching towards. How do birds cause you to reach towards them? And what does that do to your emotions and your sense of joy?

[Lily Taylor]

I mean, they are full of life, they're beautiful, they fly. There's usually some question that comes from just watching them, observing them, that leads to other questions. I think we're drawn to mystery. And so reach, reach, reach, reach, reach, stretch, stretch, stretch, stretch, stretch.

But what are the emotional benefits of all this? Reach, reach, reach, stretch, stretch, stretch. Towards things of beauty. After the break, we'll turn to the surprising positive psychological effects of bird watching. We'll hear about the power of awe. And we'll learn why tracking a reclusive catbird may offer the same benefits as meditation. The happiness Lab will be. As a professor, I get to travel a lot for work, and I'm often asked, what's the best place I've ever had the chance to visit? And my answer is pretty much always the same. If you get the opportunity, I say find a way to visit the Galapagos. The Galapagos Islands are a small volcanic archipelago about 600 miles off the coast of Ecuador. They're most well known for being the spot where Charles Darwin began formulating his famous theory of natural selection. And if you visit the islands, you'll immediately see why they inspired Darwin so much, because the Galapagos are about as untouched today as they were when Charles Darwin visited them back in the 1800s. These islands are one of the few places in the world where the animals aren't afraid of people. You can sit and watch them closely while they go about their daily lives. On a typical visit, you'll get to snorkel with sea lion pups who twirl and play all around you. You'll get to watch giant tortoises slowly lumbering through the trees and marine iguanas chilling out in big piles on the beach. But the real highlight is that you get to watch the unique mating rituals of lots and lots of incredible birds. The blue footed booby is the Galapagos species that gets the most airtime, which makes sense because they are really awesome. They somehow manage to be both incredibly beautiful and incredibly goofy looking at the same time. But my favorite Galapagos bird has always been the waved albatross. It's a mostly brown bird with a striking white head and a very sharp, bright yellow beak. And waved albatross are huge, with a 2 1/2 meter wingspan. They're the largest birds in the entire archipelago. But the reason I love this species so much is because of its unique mating ritual. Like many bird species, waved albatross mate for life. So they put a lot of work into not only finding the right partner, but also re establishing their relationships when they meet up after being apart for the whole year. And their highly ritualized mating dance is completely over the top. One biologist christened it the ecstatic ritual. It's got these slow, sweet parts where the partners use their sharp beaks to gently caress one another. But it also gets weird, like with the. The pair begin what's called their head swaying walk, moving back and forth while exaggeratedly bobbing their heads across their bodies. Oh, and then there's the comical moments of beak fencing, in which the pair start fake fighting one another as though they're sword fighting with their faces. The entire ritual is punctuated with these funny honk calls. But the best part is when the couple just stops the entire dance. They just pause and sit there lovingly looking into one another's eyes. I've only had a chance to watch this display live twice in my life. But both times I was moved to tears. I was just filled with this sense of overwhelming transcendence. This sensation is now something I recognize as the emotion of awe. A feeling that the American Psychological association defines as the experience of admiration and elevation in response to physical beauty. Awe is an emotion that actress and bird lover Lily Taylor prioritizes experiencing very Often. And unlike me, she doesn't need to travel halfway around the world to find a bird that will give her this sensation. In fact, Lily meets birds who give her a sense of awe in the most mundane places, like the heart of Manhattan.

I was going into Central park, and it's like 300 yards in from 59th Street. I hadn't really kind of connected to myself, and all of a sudden I felt emotion. I started to, like, feel like I was going to cry. I was stopped. I was feeling a part of something. I was in awe. Some feelings were coming up that maybe I had been pushing away, but they didn't kill me and they weren't going to hurt me. I don't know why I was afraid of them. They just sort of wash over.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

I think that's one of the most interesting things that we know from the science of awe is that it's not a purely positive emotion. Right. It kind of makes us feel small. It kind of has this fear component. But there's so much evidence that experiencing it makes us feel better. Ultimately, we feel more connected to people. We feel more connected to things beyond us. And so it's such a funny emotion because it's one of these few emotions that, like, has these negative components. But ultimately taking time to experience it makes us feel so much better.

[Lily Taylor]

Yes. Just like planting your feet and just saying, I'll stick this through. This thunder, this frightening, whatever it is. It's almost like you're open, and then things can come in. It's like, receptivity can be really scary.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

Another thing that gets to come in, though, is, like, the appreciation that we have for things. And these were some of the most beautiful parts of your book.

[Lily Taylor]

It seems like you really do a.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

Lot of savoring of birds. And this is something we know from the psychology, this act of savoring, noticing the good things, noticing the delights. Like, that is what we need to have a fulfilled life.

[Lily Taylor]

You know, I love that word. I hadn't really realized how important that is. But I guess what birds have helped me do is slow down because I move fast. Part of why I'm moving fast is getting away from something inside. I was doing this more, like, in my teens and twenties. Was like, running from some kind of thing that I thought was going to devour me or something. I still move fast, but birds have helped me slow down. And so I guess I can just say, wait, am I savoring right now, or am I not use that as a barometer. Like, wait, no, I'm not savoring at all.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

Right now I want to turn to this idea of just how helpful birds are in terms of slowing down. You seem like the kind of person that would be sort of into meditation and so on. But in the book, you talked about how that wasn't your path to kind of being present.

[Lily Taylor]

You know, I might be one of those people that maybe meditation isn't good for me. I found sometimes, especially in my 20s and 30s, that things got even louder when I meditated to the point that I felt worse when it ended. And so maybe I'm just one of those people that I need, like an activity or something. I need something outside of myself. Maybe I need that extra help.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

And birds were that for you. Explain kind of how birds are like your meditation.

[Lily Taylor]

Well, I'm focusing on something that's not me. I'm focusing on something that's a part of something greater that I'm a part of, too.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

Talk to me a little bit about the listening skills you brought to birds and how your training kind of in a very different domain was sort of helpful for that.

[Lily Taylor]

So acting is usually one character is talking to another. There's a lot of just listening. Like when I'm doing a play, I'm listening for two hours a night. You know, on a deeper level, I have to really take in that other actor and be as open as I can to them because that's going to light up my mirror neurons. That's going to set a lot of stuff in motion. And that's really what's going on. Not my own little memories of whatever I'm trying to do for the character that's not as interesting or as alive. So I find that when I start to get into listening more as a verb, that was a much more active way for me to get kind of grounded, as opposed to I'm trying to be present or I'm trying to be in the moment, which was very vague for me. And I didn't know what was the criterion. Like, well, how do I know if I'm in the moment? There's nothing to hang on to except judgment in a way, or feeling like I didn't get there. But listening, like, I know when I'm listening when I know when I'm not. Like, there's somewhere to start with listening. And I've gotten more compassionate, I guess, in that to expect myself to listen perfectly and 100% is unrealistic. It's not going to happen. That's something I've used with acting. And then because I'm acting A lot. I've been working it a lot. And because I realized it's a skill, yay, I can do something I can practice.

As I was speaking with Lily, I couldn't help but think of the work of Harvard psychologist and mindfulness expert Ellen Langer. Lily's book celebrates the power and beauty of noticing that come with being a birder. Ellen describes mindfulness as the process of actively noticing new things. Like Lily, Ellen was always frustrated with the common advice to be in the present moment. She's even called the idea an empty instruction. Instead, she argues that to truly ground yourself in the present moment, you need to intentionally notice new things about your environment. And research shows that this practice has significant physical and psychological benefits. It can help you manage anxiety, depression, and everyday stress. Lilly uses this more intentional path to mindfulness every time she notices something new. A bird's song, their plumage, even a subtle change in their habitat. So it's no surprise that Lily's getting better and better at regulating her emotions more effectively, especially when things don't go her way.

Birding has a lot of falling down and getting back up, a lot of trying too hard, willing, jumping the gun. And so instead of yelling at myself, just being gentler because I used to yell at myself, that's so not constructive. And on stage, too. It's like when I'm on stage and I go out of the moment, you know, to yell at myself inside. I know a lot of other actors do that too, but that practice, I guess, of going in and out, you start to just get back in, just get back, look at the bird, just look at the bird.

That's all we gotta do.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

So watching birds is funny because on the one hand, they kind of get us to slow down, but I think on the other hand, they can kind of just teach us that, like, life is going on. Just do your thing and stop worrying. Like, is that something that you get out of birds too, just kind of watching them do their thing?

[Lily Taylor]

Yeah. I mean, they are moving forward. They don't stop and hang around. They are moving, and we should be too, in some ways, even if it's inside, we shouldn't be resenting or stagnating inside our mind. We should be trying to move forward in our mind. I mean, when I'm looking at the birds migrating in the spring, and I know they've gone through so much and you would never know it, they are facing obstacles and they just. Their eyes are on the prize and they keep moving forward. And I just say, well, I can too. They're a power of example. Keep going, don't sit and fret, you got things to do.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

You had this lovely story. I think it was a catbird in Bryant park where you sort of had to realize and step back a little bit, share that story and what you learned.

[Lily Taylor]

So I went into Bryant park and I thought I was being really open because like I took a risk to go into this park when I didn't feel like going in. And so I came in looking for a catbird and I was like, yeah, and I'm looking for a common bird and I know a cat bird. And I went in really kind of like confident to the point of being cocky. And I realized I really was like, I feel like John Travolta. Like I'm strutting almost, you know, and then just the bravado or that confidence just wore down quickly. Like I wasn't finding anything, first of all, not even a friggin squirrel or a house sparrow, nothing. Because I wasn't receptive. And then I realized I really didn't know the cat bird at all. A bird? I thought I knew a common bird. I've heard a lot, seen a lot. No, I hadn't noticed it, really. I didn't really observed it, thought about it. Where does it even like to be? I don't even know where it likes to be. Low, high. So then I had a little surrender out of being uncomfortable and defeated and overwhelmed. So then I started with manageable. Okay, step by step, where am I right now? I'm in front of a green thing, okay? And I have this app, inaturalist. Let's identify it. It's called Viburnum. The catbird likes viburnum. So I've just kind of located myself somewhere with something. Keep walking, keep walking. Open, focused, loose. And feel the myopia coming in. Loosen up. In and out, in and out, in and out, cat bird. That whole thing probably only took 15 minutes. I was exhausted by the end. Once I had the catbird, I was like, I'm done. I felt like I'd benched £50 and I should get a break. That defeats the whole thing. Why not stay now with the cat bird? Seeing that I don't know it at.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

All and it's fleeting too, which is something at least in my limited experience with birds that I had to come to terms with, right? You hear this call and for me I'm like ready to pull out some app and trying to figure it out and then it's just like it's gone, you know, the Good things are fleeting, but also, it seems like birding has taught you that the discomfort, the bad things are fleeting too. Right? You know, you could be kind of restless and kind of not wanting to do it as you were in Bryant Park. And then there's a way to sort of soften too. It teaches us like both the good and bad parts aren't going to be there forever.

[Lily Taylor]

That's right. And we need those experiences to see, oh, this passed because it passed 50 other times.

After the break, I'll talk more with Lily about some of the surprising benefits of bird watching. And I'll share where I'm at in my own birding journey. The happiness lab will be right back. In a society that rewards hustling to the point of exhaustion, it can often feel like any time not spent being productive is time wasted. I fall into this trap a lot. I know all the research showing that setting boundaries when it comes to work is crucial for your well being, but it can be hard to do. Of course, it's important to make time to rest and move your body, but it's also just as essential to spend time doing things for no other reason than the simple fact that you enjoy them. Psychologists have a word for these kinds of activities. Atelic, as in not telic, not reward driven. Think things like listening to music, doodling, or reading for pleasure. Atelic activities not only help us manage stress, they can also bring a sense of purpose and meaning, which are of course, key ingredients in improving our well being long term. Actor and author Lily Taylor finds that bird watching is one of the most beautifully atelic activities around.

It is an activity that is just for the sake of. And so birding has also helped because I do like lists, I like results. I don't have to have a goal with birding. I can just enjoy it for the sake of. And I don't have to bring anything home to show for it.

And I think the more we allow.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

Ourselves to not be doing things for these extrinsic rewards, like we get out of hustle culture, we're not ticking stuff off the list. We can do stuff just to be right. We can kind of just get rewarded from what's happening in the world, right? It doesn't have to be, you know, on our LinkedIn profile to kind of matter, but we can sometimes get in the mode where that's what it feels like. We just have to be working all the time.

[Lily Taylor]

It's allowed, we are allowed it.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

And this is just your way to have something that's enjoyable that's not like work. It's just not another thing.

[Lily Taylor]

Are you at Yale?

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

I am at Yale, yeah.

[Lily Taylor]

Right. Because Rick Prum is there.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

Rick Prum, yeah. Who's my colleague at Yale. He has this wonderful book called the Evolution of Beauty.

[Lily Taylor]

Great book.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

Where he kind of just argues that, like, we can understand so much about even human beauty from understanding birds and how they evolve so many colors and shapes and things like that.

[Lily Taylor]

He helped me realize I can just love it for the beauty. I don't have to have a reason. It can just be beautiful.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

Another benefit that I didn't expect to.

[Lily Taylor]

See in your book, but makes a.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

Lot of sense once you get into it, is that birds have been a path for you towards social connection. Pretty much every available study on happy people suggests that happy people are more social. And maybe this was my stereotype, but I didn't really associate birders with being very social. I kind of thought it was like a solo kind of by yourself in the woods activity. But you told all these beautiful stories of how birds helped you connect. I think my favorite one was a story of a downy woodpecker that you ran into in Brooklyn. Can you share that story with my listeners?

[Lily Taylor]

Sure. I was looking up at something in Brooklyn and someone stopped, which is what usually happens. And she asked what I was looking at. I told her I was looking at a downy woodpecker. She didn't know what a woodpecker was. I told her what it was, and we shared a moment together. And the woodpecker flew from a tree right in front of us to this hanging basket of suet, which is fat. Birds need fat in the winter. So the brownstone we were in front of was also connected to something because they were putting suet out for birds. So if you add suit some stuff to an environment like food and shelter, not only will animals come, but people will come too. You had people who were caring and sharing something, a little moment, and that was enough.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

Yeah. I feel like, especially in a city where a lot of people think like, well, nobody's paying attention to each other. This. Everybody's just anonymous strangers on the street. That was like your one moment to feel connected with a neighbor and to teach her something new.

[Lily Taylor]

That's right.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

And so it seems like there are many, many benefits of bird watching. If someone is listening to this and is like, it's for me, how should I get started? What's your advice to a birding newbie?

[Lily Taylor]

Well, I would just say just step outside and see what's around. See what's in your neighborhood and just maybe stay in one place for a few minutes and see if anything happens. And if you hear something, maybe walk towards it and just see if you can see it and if you can follow it just for a couple of extra minutes. It's like when you're at the gym and when you start to get tired and you're like, I want to get off this thing. You just stay on that extra minute, see what happens. And then I would say just like, look out your window a lot and see who's there. It's like, get to know your neighbors. Put a feeder out. If you start to like what's happening and you start to like, oh, my God, I saw that bird twice now. And it's like, cool. Then get the Merlin app. It's the Shazam for birds. And it just shows you there's so much more happening than you even realize. So that's always fun. It's like kind of like Christmas presents or something all around.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

Okay. I'm so glad you brought that up, because I have the Merlin app, but I don't use it nearly enough. And so I was going on a hike, just kind of for exercise, and inspired by your book. I was like, oh, yeah, I should take out the Merlin app and see what I hear. And that caused me to start listening. And so I was like, oh, wait, there is some bird chatter going on. What is it? And I pulled out the app and it was like in my brain. It was like a bird. But it was like a few weeks ago. We're having this conversation in May. So it was like the big migration, and it was just like a ton of good stuff. I pulled out. I had great crested flycatcher. I had ovenbird tufted titmouse. I even had worm eating warbler. But that was like magic. It was like, oh, my gosh, there's this like, incredibly rich story that's happening. I don't know. I just felt less alone when I started to realize how many other birds were there.

[Lily Taylor]

You just summed up the whole thing. I mean, that to me is. The metaphor is like, I seem to think there's less around, less meaningless stuff than there is. And what that Merlin app does is it confirms there's a lot going on and a lot to look forward to and a lot to be open to. More than I seem to think. I seem to underestimate life out there.

Yeah.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

And this is a way to just feel connected to more than you honestly ever thought possible.

[Lily Taylor]

And I love that. It's like an outside in it's fine using an outside thing to activate the hearing. It's like the Merlin was like, I'll start it off for you.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

Because then I spent like 10 minutes like walking around and trying to find them and looking up in the trees. It got me to use the senses that I have to notice this interesting.

[Lily Taylor]

Stuff, which is when technology is fantastic. If you really start to love it, get a pair of binoculars and then also the Sibley Guide. Sibley is a wonderful ornithologist who draws birds and he knows behavior so you can learn more about the bird and how to identify them and how they behave.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

I love you can just see your joy on your face when you talk about this stuff. It's making me my face is hurting from smiling so much.

[Lily Taylor]

I hope hearing about Lily's creative coping strategy has inspired you to get out and experience the wonder of birds. But even if you're not quite ready to grab binoculars or to start tracking worm eating warblers, there's still a lot of great co coping strategies to take away from Lily's story. First off, if you find yourself feeling exhausted and teetering on the edge of burnout, that's a sign that you need to seek out a quiet space to reconnect with yourself. Second, look for moments of awe, especially in the natural world. That can be the sound or sight of an unexpected bird, but it can also be other things of beauty too. There's transcendence all around you if you just take some time to look. Next up, practice mindfulness by intentionally noticing what's new in your surroundings and give yourself permission to take a break from your goal oriented mindset and embrace at like activities. And finally, if you need a good laugh, fire up an old DVD copy of say Anything and watch Lily's hilariously deadpan performance of the awkward breakup anthem Joe Lies. And that final suggestion is a nice transition to the creative coping strategy we'll be exploring next week. Week because when the Happiness Lab returns, we'll be learning about the stress relieving power of music. We'll meet a cellist who found solace in his instrument, both for dealing with everyday stresses and for handling a particularly difficult time that threatened to change his identity forever.

My fatigue.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

It's like I'm wearing a coat of heavy metal or armor underneath my skin.

[Lily Taylor]

All that Next time on the Happiness lab with me, Dr. Laurie Santos.

[Dr. Laurie Santos]

This is an I Heart podcast.