The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos: Episode Summary – "Grateful Expectations"

Release Date: January 13, 2020
Hosted by Pushkin Industries

Introduction

In the episode titled "Grateful Expectations", Dr. Laurie Santos delves into the intricate relationship between gratitude and self-control. Challenging the conventional reliance on willpower, Santos explores how cultivating gratitude can not only help individuals achieve their long-term goals but also enhance their overall happiness.

Sabotaging Our Future Selves

Dr. Laurie Santos opens the episode by personifying her future self as someone she inadvertently sabotages through poor decisions. She states:

"Who is this easy mark that person I'm constantly sabotaging? She is Future Laurie. She's me." (00:00)

This introspective start sets the stage for understanding the common struggle between immediate gratification and long-term well-being.

The Fragility of Willpower

Dr. Santos introduces her guest, David DeSteno, a professor of psychology at Northeastern University and author of "Emotional: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride." They discuss the limitations of willpower in achieving sustained personal goals.

David DeSteno explains:

"Willpower tends to disappear as soon as times get rough, deserting us in the very moment we need it most." (04:20)

He likens willpower to a "candle in the wind," emphasizing its transient nature and the high failure rates of strategies that solely rely on it, such as New Year's resolutions, which see only 8% adherence by year's end (04:20).

Intertemporal Choice and Moral Emotions

Moving beyond willpower, DeSteno introduces the concept of intertemporal choice, the decision-making process between immediate rewards and long-term benefits. He posits that human self-control evolved not for modern financial planning but for fostering cooperation and altruism, driven by what he calls moral emotions—gratitude, compassion, and authentic pride.

"Moral emotions... make us more willing to be selfless, to cooperate with others, to engage in self-sacrifice." (06:57)

These emotions, unlike willpower, provide a sustainable mechanism for delaying gratification by aligning personal success with positive social interactions.

The Power of Gratitude

Dr. Santos zeroes in on gratitude as a pivotal moral emotion. DeSteno defines gratitude as:

"The emotion that we feel when someone gives us something of value at some cost to themselves." (09:22)

He elaborates that gratitude isn't merely a past-focused emotion but serves as a catalyst for valuing and striving towards future goals. This emotional state shifts priorities from immediate desires to long-term aspirations.

Scientific Evidence Supporting Gratitude

DeSteno shares compelling research illustrating how gratitude impacts decision-making and behavior:

• Financial Decisions: Individuals experiencing gratitude were more patient, viewing $100 in a year as equivalent to $30 now, compared to an impatient average valuation of $17 (15:03).

• Workplace Productivity: In call centers, expressing gratitude increased productivity by 50%, while also enhancing employee satisfaction (19:27).

• Health and Well-being: Gratitude is linked to better physical health indicators, such as improved blood pressure and cholesterol levels, and enhanced mental well-being, including reduced stress reactivity (22:00).

Practical Applications of Gratitude

DeSteno offers actionable strategies for listeners to cultivate gratitude:

1. Daily Reflections: Encourage individuals to regularly reflect on specific moments or actions they are thankful for, avoiding repetitive entries to maintain the emotion's potency (25:44).

2. Reciprocity Rings: Implementing structured environments like workplaces or classrooms where individuals can request and offer help fosters a culture of mutual gratitude and support (25:44).

   "When you feel gratitude, it makes us not only want to pay those people back, but to pay it forward to other people." (25:34)

Integrating Gratitude into Daily Life

Dr. Santos shares her personal commitment to leveraging gratitude over willpower:

"I'm going to stop assuming that willpower will save me. Instead, I'm going to harness the power of my moral emotions." (29:48)

She emphasizes that gratitude transforms from a mere emotion to a habitual lens through which one views daily experiences, inherently supporting long-term goals across various life domains.

Conclusion

The episode culminates with a strong endorsement of gratitude as a powerful, sustainable alternative to willpower for achieving personal and professional success. Dr. Laurie Santos encourages listeners to adopt gratitude practices, highlighting their dual benefits in pursuing goals and enhancing present-moment happiness.

"The beautiful thing about gratitude is it makes us pay it forward. And it creates kind of an ongoing cycle." (25:34)

By integrating gratitude into daily routines, individuals can foster a resilient and positive mindset that not only propels them toward their aspirations but also enriches their overall well-being.

Key Takeaways

• Willpower is Limited: Relying solely on willpower is often ineffective due to its transient nature, especially under stress.

• Moral Emotions as Tools: Emotions like gratitude, compassion, and authentic pride serve as sustainable mechanisms for self-control and fostering cooperative behavior.

• Gratitude Enhances Self-Control: Cultivating gratitude shifts focus from immediate desires to long-term goals, making it easier to delay gratification naturally.

• Health and Happiness: Regular gratitude practices are associated with improved physical health and increased happiness.

• Practical Strategies: Implementing daily reflections and reciprocity rings can effectively integrate gratitude into personal and professional environments.

Notable Quotes

• Dr. Laurie Santos:
  "Our lying minds give us a quick answer to this: we need willpower." (00:00)

• David DeSteno:
  "Gratitude is really about the future. It makes us value long term goals more than immediate gratification." (10:17)
  "Gratitude really is a buffer. It helps us pursue our resume virtues and our eulogy virtues at the same time." (22:30)

• Dr. Laurie Santos:
  "Our minds are leading us astray. We have this bad intuition about what gratitude's gonna do." (23:14)

Further Listening

For those interested in exploring more about the science of happiness and practical strategies to enhance well-being, consider listening to other episodes of "The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos". Each episode offers insightful discussions grounded in psychological research, aimed at transforming listeners' understanding of what it truly takes to lead a happier life.

This summary encapsulates the pivotal discussions and insights from the "Grateful Expectations" episode, providing a comprehensive overview for those who have yet to listen.