The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos Episode: How Good Manners Made Me Happier (with Etiquette Expert William Hanson) Release Date: June 23, 2025

Introduction: Welcoming William Hanson

In this insightful episode of The Happiness Lab, Dr. Laurie Santos welcomes William Hanson, a renowned etiquette expert, to explore the profound connection between good manners and personal happiness. Hanson brings a wealth of knowledge from his book, Just Good Manners, and his podcast, Help I Sexted My Boss, offering listeners a unique perspective on how etiquette can enhance daily interactions and overall well-being.

Etiquette as a Pathway to Happiness

William Hanson begins by sharing his personal journey with etiquette, tracing back to his childhood when his grandmother gifted him an etiquette book. Reflecting on [04:27], Hanson explains:

“Etiquette has more benefits than I realized, because thinking deeply about how to behave in the company of other people so that you're polite, considerate, and respectful, and that can make you feel great too.”

He emphasizes that good manners create a structured environment that fosters social harmony and personal satisfaction. Hanson identifies himself as a "self-confessed happy person," attributing part of his consistent cheerfulness to his adherence to etiquette [03:38].

Historical Roots of Modern Etiquette

Diving into the origins of etiquette, Hanson elucidates its evolution from the exclusive courts of Louis XIV to today's more inclusive practices [09:14]. He notes:

“Originally, etiquette was designed to exclude and maintain social hierarchies. Today, it’s about treating everyone with respect and compassion, making it a democratic and evolving set of guidelines.”

This transformation highlights how etiquette has shifted from rigid, status-driven rules to flexible norms that promote mutual respect and understanding across diverse social settings.

Adapting Etiquette to Contemporary Society

Hanson discusses how etiquette rules have adapted over time, particularly concerning gender roles and social structures. He explains the historical basis for practices like alternating seating in formal dinners and the practical reasons behind certain table manners [21:45]:

“The knife goes on the right hand side because historically it was your sword-carrying hand... These rules have evolved, and now they serve to balance interactions rather than enforce social hierarchies.”

He advocates for a modern approach to etiquette that respects individual identities and promotes inclusivity, moving away from outdated gendered practices.

Practical Etiquette Tips for Social Gatherings

Hanson offers actionable advice for enhancing social experiences through mindful etiquette:

• Table Setting Knowledge: Understanding the placement of utensils and plates can reduce anxiety during meals. For instance, the "BMW" mnemonic helps remember that the bread plate is on the left, the meal in the center, and wine on the right [29:36].

• Hosting with Ease: Hanson suggests creating a comfortable environment by not overcomplicating table settings. Clean cutlery and neat napkins contribute to an inviting atmosphere without the need for perfection [31:20].

• Scruffy Hospitality: Balancing formality with relaxation ensures guests feel welcome without the pressure of adhering to stringent rules. Hanson advises prioritizing genuine connections over flawless presentations [30:52].

Etiquette in the Digital Age

Addressing modern challenges, Hanson touches on the importance of maintaining politeness in digital communications and interactions with AI. He humorously responds to OpenAI’s plea to minimize polite phrases with:

“Ignore what OpenAI says, please. Keep saying please and thank you to your smart speaker.”

Hanson stresses that maintaining these manners helps preserve the "politeness muscle," fostering respectful and meaningful interactions even in virtual spaces [49:27].

The Psychological Benefits of Good Manners

One of the episode's highlights is the exploration of gratitude and its impact on happiness. Hanson recounts the poignant story of his friend Daphne, whose consistent thank-you letters led to unexpected rewards, underscoring the long-term benefits of expressing gratitude [43:11]:

“Daphne continued to write thank-you letters despite family feuds and was ultimately rewarded with her great aunt’s legacy because of her unwavering politeness.”

Research cited during the episode, including studies by Martin Seligman, corroborates that acts of gratitude, like handwritten thank-you notes, provide significant and lasting boosts to personal happiness [45:04].

Evolving Etiquette for Future Generations

Hanson anticipates the continual evolution of etiquette, driven by societal changes and technological advancements. He highlights shifts towards gender neutrality and the need for adaptable etiquette rules that reflect contemporary values [48:52]. Hanson envisions a future where etiquette embraces diversity and fosters inclusive social norms.

Conclusion: Embracing Good Manners for a Happier Life

Wrapping up the conversation, Hanson shares his top three etiquette tips:

1. Maintain Eye Contact: Strengthens connections and shows genuine interest.
2. Offer a Good Handshake: A firm yet friendly handshake sets a positive tone.
3. Use People’s Names: Personalizing interactions enhances rapport.

Hanson concludes:

“A little formality is a great way to show love and respect to the people you care about.”

Dr. Laurie Santos echoes this sentiment, recognizing the transformative power of etiquette in fostering meaningful human connections and enhancing overall happiness.

Notable Quotes:

• William Hanson [04:27]: “Etiquette has more benefits than I realized, because thinking deeply about how to behave in the company of other people so that you're polite, considerate, and respectful, and that can make you feel great too.”
• William Hanson [09:14]: “Originally, etiquette was designed to exclude and maintain social hierarchies. Today, it’s about treating everyone with respect and compassion, making it a democratic and evolving set of guidelines.”
• William Hanson [43:11]: “Daphne continued to write thank-you letters despite family feuds and was ultimately rewarded with her great aunt’s legacy because of her unwavering politeness.”

This episode of The Happiness Lab underscores the intrinsic link between good manners and personal happiness, offering both historical context and practical advice to help listeners cultivate more meaningful and respectful social interactions.