The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos
Episode: Stop Wasting Your Energy — Here’s What to Do Instead (with Dr. Diana Hill)
Release Date: January 5, 2026

Overview

In this kickoff episode to the "Getting Unstuck in the New Year" season, Dr. Laurie Santos welcomes psychologist Dr. Diana Hill to discuss how we often waste our precious energy striving for the wrong things — and what science-backed strategies we can use instead. Drawing on Dr. Hill’s new book (“Wise Effort: How to Focus Your Genius Energy on What Matters Most”), they explore how to cultivate "wise effort," get unstuck, and align our actions with our values for a more vital and meaningful life.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Why We Get Stuck: The “Bird in the Window” Analogy

• [02:35] Dr. Diana Hill: Shares the story of a bird trapped inside, banging relentlessly against a closed window. Humans do the same in their lives:
  • We try the same solutions harder and harder, “smashing” into invisible barriers until we’re exhausted or defeated.
  • This can lead to self-blame, exhaustion, and ultimately "learned helplessness."
  • Quote: "If I just fly harder at this relationship, or I work harder in a work setting that's actually toxic for me, maybe that will get me out. And that can lead us to just feeling exhausted... or to the very classic psychological problem of learned helplessness, where we just say, there's no way out." — Dr. Diana Hill [03:32]

2. The Trap of Sunk Cost and Losing Sight of Purpose

• [05:19] Dr. Diana Hill: Shares her own experience: continuing a successful podcast despite panic attacks and growing dissatisfaction, due to the 'sunk cost fallacy.'
  • Real change required letting go and realigning with her deeper values — even if it meant starting over.
  • Quote: "It was finally in the letting go. It was turning around, looking around, are there other options here? That freed up my energy... I had lost my purpose, my values, and the deeper things." [05:19]

3. The Importance of Wise Energy

• [06:59] Dr. Diana Hill: One energized hour aligned with your values can transform your whole day, and misalignment leads to dissatisfaction.
  • Quote: "When our behavior is out of alignment with our values, it actually can really de-energize us." [06:59]

The Seven Strategies for Wise Effort

1. Get Curious ([08:52])

• Curiosity opens possibility and counteracts judgmental, closed thinking.
• Practicing curiosity (even with oneself) undermines the "I already know" or "I'm critical" mindset that keeps us stuck.
• Journaling (done right) helps step back, gain flexible perspective, and foster this curiosity.
  • Quote: "It's hard to be curious and judgmental at the same time." — Dr. Diana Hill [08:52]
  • Journaling Prompt Example: List 5 thoughts, 5 feelings, 5 behaviors; draw your stuckness.
    • "[Journaling] Just that stepping back from something... you'll have a different perspective on it. And flexible perspective taking is incredibly helpful when we are stuck." — Dr. Diana Hill [12:33]

2. Clarify and Connect with Values ([14:11])

• Values are not generic lists, but "qualities of action," what makes life most vibrant ("lifey").
• Periodic reflection: When did you feel “life at its most lifey” today? Those are clues to true values.
  • Quote: "What brings you a sense of aliveness? What deep in your heart really matters to you? How do you want to show up in the world?" — Dr. Diana Hill [14:11]
• Aligning daily energy with values increases intrinsic motivation and meaning (though not always short-term enjoyment).
• Reflecting on values in connection with goals (e.g., exercise, study) improves persistence and outcomes.

3. When in Doubt, Seek Variation ([22:21])

• Learn from robotics: if stuck, try new behaviors outside your usual repertoire — a “get unstuck button.”
• Psychological flexibility and openness to experimentation, rather than rigidly sticking to failed solutions, can lead to breakthroughs.
  • Quote: "We need variation in our behavior... when we get scared... we tend to have a narrowing of attention and a narrowing of our behavioral repertoire. That narrowing actually leads us to stay more stuck." — Dr. Diana Hill [22:21]
• The evolutionary process: Variation, Selection, and Retention.

4. Embrace Discomfort ([25:07])

• Avoiding discomfort often creates secondary problems (e.g., procrastination, numbing, distraction).
• The projects we avoid most are often the ones we care most about.
  • Quote: "The things that matter to us are often the things that cause us the most discomfort." — Dr. Diana Hill [26:19]
• Radical acceptance—allowing reality to be as it is without approval—creates room for change and authentic action.
  • Quote: "There's a difference between acceptance and approval... Radical acceptance is exactly what we described. This is what is." — Dr. Diana Hill [28:09]
• Acceptance frees us to pursue valued goals even amid pain or imperfection.

5. Work with Your “Rooster Mind” ([30:46])

• Minds “crow” constantly with thoughts; don’t fight or follow every thought, but notice and choose where to focus energy.
  • Quote: "Our mind is constantly producing thoughts. Some of those thoughts may be helpful, some... unhelpful. And when you follow or fight your mind, you get pulled off track..." — Dr. Diana Hill [30:46]
• Cognitive defusion: Step back from your thoughts instead of getting tangled up in them.
• Apply “wise speech” to inner dialogue using these questions:
  1. Is it kind?
  2. Is it true?
  3. Is it timely?
  4. Is it helpful?
  • Quote: "Just asking those questions... can give you that step back enough to engage in wiser speech with yourself." — Dr. Diana Hill [33:11]

6. Embodiment: Tune into Your Body ([36:35])

• Many people are disconnected from their bodies (“walking heads”); true embodiment means being aware of sensations, emotions, needs.
• Interoceptive awareness (noticing hunger, fullness, tension, emotion) correlates with better decision-making and emotional flexibility.
• Use bodily sensations as guides for wise choices — the concept of a “whole body yes” or “whole body no.”
  • Quote: "Being embodied means living inside this bodily form... Do you know your own heartbeat, your own breath, your own hunger?" — Dr. Diana Hill [36:35]
• The H.E.A.R.T. check-in:
  • Hunger/fullness
  • Emotions
  • Activity/movement
  • Rest
  • Tension

7. Detect & Manage “Energy Frenemies” ([44:19])

• Our strengths can become liabilities or “frenemies” if overused or misapplied.
  • Example: excessive humor avoids seriousness; over-helping neglects self-care; constant scheduling sacrifices presence.
  • Quote: "Sometimes that [strength] can spin off and become a frenemy." — Dr. Diana Hill [44:19]
• Regret, dissatisfaction, or a lack of vitality signal misalignment—use them to course-correct toward your values.
• Ask: "How do you want to show up right now, and how can your gifts support that?"

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Diana Hill (values alignment):
  • "I really encourage my clients before bed to do a little scan of their day and when did they feel life at its most lifey? You'll be surprised. It's often not where we're putting most of our energy. It's in the in betweens..." [14:55]
• Variation & Evolutionary Analogy:
  • "One principle of evolution is that you need variation to evolve. ... So we need variation in our behavior." [22:21]
• On Radical Acceptance:
  • "There's a difference between acceptance and approval. Radical acceptance is... this is what is. And once you can acknowledge this is what is, even if I don't like what is, you're welcome not to like it and still accept it." [28:09]
• On Embodiment:
  • "Being embodied means living inside this bodily form. And part of that has to do with something called interoceptive awareness..." [36:35]
• Energy Frenemies Illustration:
  • "Regret is a powerful indicator to help us course correct. We can use vitality and values... the big question is how do you want to show up in this moment?" [45:42]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Bird in the Window Analogy: [02:35]
• Personal Story of Stuck-Energy & Sunk Cost: [05:19]
• Curiosity and Journaling: [08:52]–[13:46]
• Values and “Life at its Most Lifey”: [14:11]–[16:03]
• Variation/Behavioral Evolution: [22:21]
• Embracing Discomfort, Radical Acceptance, ACT: [25:07]–[30:26]
• Working with Rooster Mind & Wise Speech: [30:46]–[35:07]
• Embodiment & H.E.A.R.T. Check-in: [36:16]–[42:54]
• Energy Frenemies & Realignment: [44:19]–[47:44]
• Recap of All Seven Strategies: [47:44]

Final Recap (by Dr. Laurie Santos) [47:44]

1. Get curious: Use perspective and journaling to understand your patterns.
2. Clarify your values: Find what makes your life “lifey.”
3. Seek variation: Try new approaches if you’re stuck.
4. Embrace discomfort: Accept imperfection and move forward.
5. Work with your mind: Choose which thoughts deserve your energy.
6. Tune into your body: Physical awareness guides better choices.
7. Watch out for energy frenemies: Redirect overused strengths back toward values.

Dr. Hill’s wisdom and strategies, presented through insightful stories and practical science, lay a roadmap for using one’s energy to live with greater intention, resilience, and joy in the year ahead.