The Heart & Hustle Podcast: Episode 444 Summary

Title: How to Support a Friend Going Through a Miscarriage
Hosts: Evie McLeod & Lindsey Roman
Release Date: August 5, 2025
Description: In this heartfelt episode, Evie McLeod and Lindsey Roman delve into the sensitive topic of supporting a friend or loved one experiencing a miscarriage. Drawing from personal experiences and professional insights, they offer practical advice, compassionate guidance, and actionable tips to help listeners navigate this delicate situation with empathy and understanding.

1. Introduction

Evie and Lindsey open the episode by acknowledging the tenderness of the subject, emphasizing its necessity for meaningful conversations. They highlight the importance of addressing the nuances involved in supporting someone through a miscarriage, whether the listener has personally experienced it or not.

Evie (00:16): "Today we're talking about how to handle when a friend or a sibling or a loved one goes through a miscarriage or what to do."

2. Personal Experiences and the Importance of the Topic

The hosts share their own experiences with miscarriages, both as individuals who have suffered losses and as supporters of friends facing similar tragedies. This dual perspective establishes their credibility and empathy, setting the foundation for the advice they provide.

Lindsey (02:30): "Both Lindsay and I have experienced losses and miscarriages ourselves as well as walked with many through many miscarriages."

3. Key Strategies for Supporting Someone Through a Miscarriage

a. Be There for Them

Evie and Lindsey emphasize the critical importance of being present for someone grieving a miscarriage. They discuss practical ways to offer support without overwhelming the grieving individual.

• Send Regular Text Check-Ins:
  Consistent, heartfelt messages can provide ongoing support beyond the initial period of loss.

  Evie (07:19): "Do not just sit with them in the grief or text them or whatever for like a week or two. That is not how long that grief lasts."

• Bring Them Coffee or a Meal:
  Small gestures like bringing coffee or arranging a meal can alleviate daily burdens and show tangible care.

  Lindsey (08:25): "It's literally just, here you go, dropping this off."

• Mark Important Dates:
  Remembering and acknowledging significant dates, such as the due date or Mother's Day, can provide additional support during poignant moments.

  Evie (12:48): "Mark that due date on your calendar... I put you know, general month like."

b. What Not to Say

The hosts caution against phrases and comments that, despite good intentions, may minimize the grieving person's pain or create additional emotional strain.

• Avoid Minimizing Statements:
  Phrases starting with "At least..." or "Everything happens for a reason" can feel dismissive.

  Lindsey (17:58): "If you begin a sentence with 'At least,' you're minimizing their pain."

• Do Not Share Unsolicited Advice:
  Refrain from offering solutions or comparing their loss to other experiences, such as pet deaths or other types of grief.

  Evie (29:17): "Please, please, for the love, don't compare my dead baby to your dog that passed some months ago."

• Avoid Speculating About Pregnancy:
  Especially on social media or with strangers, avoid making assumptions about someone's pregnancy status.

  Lindsey (35:00): "Don't speculate on if people are pregnant... You don't know their story."

c. What to Say

Instead of minimizing or offering unsolicited advice, focus on expressing genuine sympathy and support.

• Express Genuine Sympathy:
  Statements like "I'm so sorry for your loss" are appropriate, especially when personalized.

  Evie (39:02): "I'm so sorry for your loss."

• Offer Ongoing Support Without Pressure:
  Let them know you're available without expecting a response.

  Lindsey (40:15): "No need to text back. I'm here for you."

• Acknowledge Your Limitations:
  If you haven't experienced a miscarriage, it's okay to admit that you may not fully understand but still offer support.

  Evie (47:35): "I can't imagine what you're feeling right now, but I care about you."

d. Specific Scenarios: Telling a Friend You're Pregnant

Navigating how to share your own joyous news with someone who has recently experienced a miscarriage requires sensitivity.

• Wait Before Sharing:
  Consider delaying your announcement to give your friend time to grieve.

  Evie (49:19): "Maybe wait to tell them within a matter of days or even a few weeks of their loss."

• Tell Them Privately:
  Avoid announcing your pregnancy in group settings where it might be overwhelming for the grieving friend.

  Lindsey (52:30): "Tell them privately. Don't do it in a group."

• Provide Options for Response:
  Allow them to process the news on their own terms, offering opportunities for them to engage if they choose.

  Evie (55:00): "Let me know if you want to talk about it."

4. Nuances and Considerations

Evie and Lindsey discuss the importance of self-awareness and understanding the unique dynamics of each friendship. They highlight that the approach may vary based on how close you are to the grieving person and their specific needs.

Lindsey (57:03): "Have awareness... of the relationship."

They also touch upon the different layers of grief depending on previous experiences with loss, underscoring that each person's journey is unique and requires tailored support.

5. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

The episode wraps up with a reiteration of the main points, emphasizing the importance of showing up for friends in their time of need, even if it means being imperfect. Evie and Lindsey encourage listeners to share the episode as a valuable resource for anyone navigating the complexities of supporting someone through a miscarriage.

Evie (58:39): "It's one of those things that I think as women especially is incredible to be like, I don't know, girded with information to have."

Lindsey (59:14): "Share this. I feel like this is going to be a resource when anybody asks."

Key Takeaways

• Presence Over Perfection: Being present and consistently checking in is more valuable than having the perfect words.
• Avoid Minimizing Grief: Steer clear of phrases that could downplay their pain, such as "At least..." or "Everything happens for a reason."
• Offer Genuine Support: Simple gestures like sending meals, marking important dates, and personalized messages can make a significant difference.
• Respect Boundaries in Joyful Announcements: When sharing your own good news, do so thoughtfully to respect the grieving person's emotional state.
• Self-Awareness is Crucial: Tailor your support based on your relationship and their unique circumstances, acknowledging that every grief journey is different.

Evie and Lindsey's compassionate guidance in this episode serves as a vital resource for anyone looking to support a friend or loved one through the heartbreaking experience of a miscarriage.