Podcast Summary: The Hidden Third with Mariana van Zeller Episode: Father vs. Child Predators Date: December 10, 2025

Overview

In this wrenching and deeply candid episode, Mariana van Zeller sits down with Todd Thomas—a father whose world shattered when he discovered his 12-year-old daughter was being groomed online by a child predator. The discussion traverses Todd’s own traumatic past, the devastation wrought by online predators, his controversial participation in "pedophile hunting," and his eventual journey to healing and activism. The episode examines the gray areas between vigilantism and justice, and unpacks the complicated ways trauma shapes lives and motives.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Todd’s Early Life, Trauma, and the Underground

• Todd’s Childhood Exposure to Drugs and Abuse

  • Grew up in Rockford, Illinois, started using marijuana at 7 from babysitters (01:31–02:19).
  • Early life marked by substance use, living in the woods, and exposure to a “hippie commune” lifestyle mixed with drug experimentation (03:36–04:58).
  • Todd reveals surviving ongoing sexual abuse by male and female babysitters from age 4, and being "traded at the YMCA like candy” (13:56–15:02; 81:15–86:40).

• View on Psychedelics and Self-Medication

  • Used LSD and mushrooms as a teen; later microdosing discussed with Mariana (07:43–08:57).
  • Believes psychedelics can be valuable in therapy, PTSD, depression, but not for recreation (05:52–06:10).

The Incident: Discovering His Daughter’s Predation

• How the Grooming Happened

  • After being banned from having a phone, Todd’s daughter used a friend’s device to access the anonymous app Whisper, offering, “I’ll do anything for a cell phone."
  • A 50-year-old man responded, orchestrated meetings, provided her with a burner phone hidden in a book (20:40–21:48).
  • The man arranged for her to meet others, coerced her into sending explicit photos and videos, and manipulated her psychologically (22:06–23:44; 22:58–23:28).

• Todd’s Discovery

  • Finds the phone, sees messages from “Sugar Daddy,” and realizes the extent of the predation (24:30–24:49).
  • “I click on it and then my whole world fell apart. Absolutely fell apart. The next thing I did was grab my aluminum baseball bat. I'm gonna kill this son of a bitch.” – Todd (00:31–00:54)

Confrontation and Legal Fallout

• Sting Operation

  • Todd, with his family and a friend for restraint, orchestrates a sting at the park; they perform a citizen’s arrest and call the police (26:09–27:57; 26:55–27:30).
  • The predator tries to erase evidence; the police take him, but do not immediately arrest him (31:29; 32:03).

• Disappointment with the System

  • The predator eventually gets only three years probation despite the gravity of his crimes (39:42–40:26).
  • Todd’s interaction with the judge:
    • “How do I tell the next dad to go the route I did, non violently, when you're going to let him only have probation?” – Todd (39:47–40:04)
    • The judge himself later faces rape charges.

• Failings in Victim Support

  • Todd seeks help for himself and his family—victim services ignore him, focusing only on his wife and daughters (33:56–34:06).
  • “When a man asks for help, we have to have something for them, because men don’t ask for help. So if they ask…and there's no one to grab that hand, they're going to fail.” – Todd (33:56–34:53)

• Impact on His Family

  • The trauma devastates family relationships; his relationship with his daughter is strained, wife avoids the topic, healing is ongoing and nonlinear (35:08–36:27; 38:03–38:24).

Vigilantism and “Pedophile Hunting”

• Todd’s Shift to Activism

  • Disillusioned by the “justice” his family received, Todd joins and then organizes “predator hunter” groups to catch child predators online (44:52–45:55).
  • Elaborates on the structure, decoys, gathering confessions, and need for peaceful confrontation (45:55–47:41).
  • “Violence is a boy’s answer to a man’s problem.” – Todd (62:42–63:31)

• Controversy and Critique

  • Mariana questions the morality and effectiveness of vigilante stings, equating media spectacles to modern-day colosseums (47:41–50:29; 55:44–56:14).
    • “You're watching somebody whose life is about to end. You know, their life is about to end…it’s the Roman Colosseum, right today.” – Mariana (55:44–55:54)
  • Discusses the sharp rise in violent vigilantism and unethical monetization of such stings (61:15–62:42).

• Todd’s Evolving Perspective

  • Todd distances himself from exploitative groups, focusing on cases and peaceful intervention (50:29–53:57).
  • Shares poignant realization: helping others was, ultimately, self-healing (67:26–69:53).

Healing, Accountability, and the Fathership Program

• Path to Accountability

  • Todd regrets his initial reaction (“Screaming, the yelling…at her, I reacted. I didn't respond.” – Todd, 73:24–73:45).
  • Now advocates responding with care and empathy for victimized children (79:01–79:32).

• Fathership Program

  • Created to fill gaps in support for men/fathers in crisis, particularly those seeking custody or anger management training (64:43–65:35).
  • Offers free court-accepted classes, mentorship, and emotional support nationwide (65:37–67:26; 87:48–88:18).
  • “Service is the rent we pay for the space we take on this earth.” – Todd quoting Muhammad Ali (69:53–70:21)--his guiding philosophy.

• Personal Growth and Sobriety

  • Ceased substance abuse after losing a lung and a vivid ketamine-induced spiritual experience (10:37–13:47; 75:10–77:53).
  • Pursuing further education, becoming certified in family development (72:04–72:34).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Realization of Online Danger:

  • “These cell phones are the most dangerous weapon in the world. To give one to your child, to me, is you might as well give them a loaded gun.” – Todd (15:02–15:26)

• On the System’s Failings:

  • “I did two years for growing pot. [He]. . . got three years probation for this.” – Todd (40:04–40:26)

• On Coping Through Humor:

  • “I joke that this man said things to my daughter I wouldn't say to a one night stand. And I can be a dirty bastard sometimes.” – Todd (22:06)

• On Compassion for Perpetrators:

  • “I don’t believe people are born monsters…something must have happened for this person to become who they are, this monster.” – Mariana (56:29–56:41)

• On Trauma’s Legacy:

  • “If they don’t become pedophiles, there’s a great chance they become sex addicts, which has made it hard for me to have real relationships.” – Todd (57:30–59:39)

• On Seeking and Receiving Help:

  • “I don’t have the answers…by helping others, I’m helping myself, you know.” – Todd (67:26)

• On Regret and Growth:

  • “Would she be better off today…had I responded better then? …Am I 100% responsible for her not being a good adult right now? No…I am the one who wasn’t there when she needed me…” – Todd (79:01–79:32)

• On His Mission:

  • “If more people lived by [the Muhammad Ali] quote, it'd be an amazing world…we are all one, you know, and we all need to be more at service to each other instead of in competition with each other.” – Todd (70:21–70:45)

Important Timestamps

• Todd’s Early Drug Experience & Traumatic Childhood: 01:31–15:26
• Psychedelics, Therapy, and Purpose: 05:52–10:23; 59:39–60:10
• Discovery of Daughter’s Grooming: 19:29–25:44
• Sting Operation/Citizen’s Arrest: 26:09–29:56
• Police/Law System Response: 31:29–40:26
• Vigilantism Debate: 47:41–56:14; 61:15–62:42
• Impacts on Family and Path to Reconciliation: 35:08–38:24; 79:01–80:33
• Fathership Program, Healing, and Sobriety: 43:42–72:05; 87:48–88:18

Tone & Takeaways

Both speakers maintain an emotionally raw, honest, and sometimes darkly humorous tone throughout. The episode oscillates between grim recounting of trauma and hopeful advocacy for peace, healing, and societal change in how we respond to both victims and perpetrators of sexual violence. Todd’s story exemplifies the struggle to convert pain into purpose and the search for justice in a system rife with failures.

Additional Resources

• Fathership Program: fathershipprogram.com
• For support and information on sexual abuse: RAINN.org

Note:
The summary omits advertisements and focuses on substantial content and key exchanges. For anyone impacted by sexual abuse, please seek professional and confidential support in your area.