The High Performance Podcast – "Stop Caring What Everyone Thinks"

Hosts: Jake Humphrey & Damian Hughes
Date: November 21, 2025
Theme: Unlocking high performance through understanding and overcoming the toxic impact of caring too much about other people’s opinions.

Episode Overview

This episode tackles a pervasive modern challenge: letting go of the need for external approval and learning to focus on whose opinions truly matter. Jake and Damian revisit powerful lessons from previous high-achieving guests, including Adam Grant, Fernando Alonso, Mat Fraser, Mark Manson, and Paul McKenna. They explore actionable strategies to help listeners build self-trust, choose whose criticism matters, and find genuine joy in personal growth and atelic (goal-free) pursuits.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Cost of Caring (Too Much) About Others’ Opinions

[01:13–03:45]

• Jake frames the issue: "We're not telling people not to care about anything. But... caring too much about the views and the opinions of other people does us no service at all."
• Damian shares the “18-40-60 Test”:
  • At 18, you're worried what everyone thinks of you.
  • At 40, you no longer care.
  • At 60, you realize nobody was thinking about you at all.
• Social anxiety (“sociophobia”) often blocks us from pursuing what we want.

2. Hardwiring & Filtering Feedback — Lessons from Adam Grant

[05:45–07:21] Adam Grant, Organizational Psychologist

• “Why do I care about the opinions of complete strangers?... Why am I trying to prove myself to people who are not necessarily knowledgeable about the work that I do?”
• Human beings are hardwired to care due to evolutionary reasons (rejection from the tribe = danger). But we can choose whose opinions matter.
• “There’s no reason why you have to let that evolutionary circuitry hijack your rational thought… Who are the people whose assessment… really matter to you?... Seek their feedback first.”

Notable moment:
Jake shares the impact of Adam’s advice on his approach to social media criticism, adopting the mantra:

“Their intention determines my attention.” — Jake Humphrey [08:43]

3. Whose Feedback Counts? (Sue Barker’s Message & Personal Examples)

[08:57–10:56]

• Jake recounts a time when sports broadcaster Sue Barker’s positive feedback cut through the noise of hundreds of negative messages, because she had real knowledge of the field.
• Even high praise can be drowned out by criticism, but understanding who’s “earned the right” to give you feedback is everything.

Memorable Quote:

“It's like somebody shouting in an empty room... I don't have to listen to that.” — Jake Humphrey, on online abuse [11:07]

4. The Importance of Your Inner Circle

[15:37–16:57]

• Damien tells a story of helping a young athlete filter feedback to only those who’ve “earned the right” to critique—parents, coach, best friend, girlfriend.
  • “Anybody else hasn’t earned the right to make that judgment call of you... You can't stop them doing that... but you don't have to listen to them.”

5. Reframing Achievement & Enjoyment — Insights From Mat Fraser

[17:18–19:03] Mat Fraser, CrossFit World Champion

• On hobbies and learning:

  "You don’t need to be good at your hobbies to enjoy them… I’m a beginner in a lot of things that I do… but I love doing them."

• The expectation to be excellent at everything blocks enjoyment and invites unhelpful outside opinions.

Damien:

• Introduces the concept of “atelic” activities (doing something with no defined outcome or point).
  • Ex: A walk in nature for its own sake—enjoyment without external validation.

6. Parenting, Praise, and Criticism — Mark Manson’s Wake-Up Call

[21:32–23:34] Mark Manson, Author

• Don’t praise kids for unearned qualities (“You’re special”)—praise effort/actions.

  "Praise the action, not them, not their identity." — Mark Manson [21:49]

• Critical feedback should focus on behaviors, not identity.

Damien’s Coaching Insight:

• Useless feedback attacks character. Effective feedback is actionable and targets specific behaviors.

7. Dealing with Pressure — Fernando Alonso’s Perspective

[12:17–13:28] Fernando Alonso, Double F1 World Champion

• Shares advice from his father: “Try to enjoy, because maybe it’s your last race... you’ll always be able to say you raced one Formula One Grand Prix.”
• The perspective that every opportunity is a gift reframes pressure and diminishes the fear of judgment.

Jake’s Reflection:

“What a privilege to be tired from the work you once dreamed about… a reminder that everything that we’re doing is a gift, really.” [13:28]

Damien:

"Nobody who's doing better than you ever criticizes you." [14:32]

8. Making Others Feel Important — Paul McKenna’s reminder

[24:39–25:33] Paul McKenna, Hypnotist & Author

• Recounts the lesson: “Everyone’s got a sign above the head saying make me feel important."
• The real impact is not what we say but how we make people feel.
• Jake challenges listeners: “When did you last make other people feel amazing for no reason other than making them feel amazing?”

Closing Reflection:

“Nothing you do is neutral.” — Eddie Jones, as quoted by Damien [26:12]
“Giving somebody just that pat on the back, that moment of acknowledgment, that word of gratitude, that is a positive act and we can all be better at that.” — Damien [26:20]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jake Humphrey:

  “We suffer more in imagination than reality.” — citing Seneca [03:45]
  “Their intention determines my attention.” [08:43]

• Adam Grant:

  "Seek [the] feedback [of your trusted circle] first." [06:43]

• Mat Fraser:

  “You don’t need to be good at your hobbies to enjoy them.” [17:18]

• Mark Manson:

  “Praise the action, not them, not their identity.” [21:49]

• Fernando Alonso:

  “Try to enjoy, because maybe it’s your last race... That approach is very valuable and helpful when I get the stress.” [12:17]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:51] – The 18-40-60 Test (Damien)
• [05:45–07:21] – Adam Grant on filtering feedback
• [08:43] – “Their intention determines my attention” (Jake)
• [12:17–13:28] – Fernando Alonso on perspective and pressure
• [17:18] – Mat Fraser on doing things for enjoyment
• [19:03] – “Atelic” activities and their value (Damien)
• [21:49] – Mark Manson on feedback and praise
• [24:39–25:33] – Paul McKenna: making others feel important
• [26:12] – "Nothing you do is neutral." (Eddie Jones/Damien)
• [27:15] – Closing reflections and summary advice

Actionable Takeaways

• Curate Whose Opinions Matter: Build a trusted circle and weigh their feedback more than that of strangers.
• Assess Intention Behind Criticism: Let intention guide the attention you give to others' words.
• Reframe High Performance: Joy, fulfillment, and growth are as important as winning—do things for enjoyment, not validation.
• Praise Actions, Not Identity: Be specific and actionable in feedback, both to yourself and others.
• Do Atelic Things: Embrace joy in activities without a point or purpose.
• Be Conscious of Your Impact: Remember, “nothing you do is neutral.”—build others up intentionally.
• Make Others Feel Important: Small moments of encouragement and kindness can have huge impacts.

This episode is a practical, encouraging, and wisdom-packed exploration for anyone looking to thrive without being limited by external voices or societal pressure.