The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler

Episode 350: Darrell Hammond – Uncovering Cray

Release Date: September 8, 2025
Guest: Darrell Hammond

Episode Overview

In this deeply candid episode, Ryan Sickler sits down with comedian, impressionist, and SNL icon Darrell Hammond for his first appearance on The HoneyDew. Together, they tackle the most difficult chapters of Hammond’s life: harrowing childhood trauma, battles with addiction, self-harm, and the long road to psychological healing. Hammond shares the origins and inspiration for his new Audible project "Cray," described as "One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest meets The King’s Speech at Saturday Night Live." Through raw, unflinching storytelling and signature humor, the duo exemplify the HoneyDew philosophy—finding connection and hope in the lowest points of life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction and Background

• Darrell’s Origins: Grew up in Melbourne, Florida with an older sister, "a very religious Bible belt kind of place" (04:22).
• Family Dynamics: Parents stayed together unhappily, his father was a WWII veteran deeply haunted by combat trauma (05:09, 08:24).
• Impact of Father’s Trauma: Hammond recalls the darkness and graphic war stories his father would relay after drinking (05:44):

  “With. When he'd get into the Beefeater Gin, he would tell us stories about, oh, smearing brains on his face during a battle.” – Darrell Hammond [05:44]

2. Early Addiction and Self-Harm

• Discovery of Alcohol: First drank at 14, described as transformative ("black and white and desperate to in living color and pleasant") (14:44); quickly escalates.
• First Self-Harm Incident: At 19, in a seemingly automatic dissociative act, Hammond cuts himself at a party—a behavior that recurs through adulthood (21:25):

  “As if by a pre arranged plan... I went to the silverware drawer and pulled out a serrated steak knife...and then I went upstairs and cut myself for the first time.” – Darrell Hammond [21:25]

• Connection to Trauma: Later reveals a lifelong pattern of self-injury (53 wounds) as a means to "create a crisis that's manageable as opposed to the crisis in your head" (26:26).

3. Mental Illness – Misdiagnoses and the Breakthrough

• Spectrum of Misdiagnoses: For decades, labeled schizophrenic, bipolar, "a nut"—none of which resonated or led to healing (24:33, 28:19).
• Breakthrough at Psychiatric Facility: Finally, a perceptive doctor in a New York psych hospital reframes his pain as injury, not illness. This “hallelujah chorus moment” marked a turning point:

  “Mental illness is not an airborne virus. It comes from somewhere, somewhere specific. It has a story. We're going to learn your story.” – Darrell’s Doctor [30:57]

• Importance of Naming Trauma: The doctor argues, "If you can name it, you can tame it." (39:37)

4. The Role of Synesthesia

• Unique Memory and Processing: Hammond describes having synesthesia, associating people and memories with colors. This unique perception became a therapeutic tool in therapy and SNL performances (33:01):

  "All of my SNL characters had colors...I color code everything, and if I can't color code it...I can't understand it." – Darrell Hammond [33:01]

5. Uncovering Childhood Abuse

• Triggering Memory: The “flashbacks” that haunted Hammond turn out to be memories of the trauma inflicted by his mother (39:47, 45:08).
• Physical and Emotional Abuse: As a very young child, Hammond was stabbed in the tongue by his mother with a serrated steak knife, stopped only by the family’s housekeeper, Myrtis (50:03):

  “My mom…pillar of the church…stabbed me in the tongue...she used a serrated steak knife.” – Darrell Hammond [50:10]

• Confrontation With Reality: The therapy process enables Hammond to connect deep-set symptoms (flashbacks, addiction, self-harm) to this original childhood trauma.

6. On Monsters and Survival

• Complicated Mother-Son Relationship: Hammond describes his mother as outwardly devout and spectacularly charismatic but “real monsters hide in the light. They do their work in the dark, but in the light they have a narrative.” (54:44)
• Cycle of Abuse: The show touches on how monsters are made, not born:

  "Monsters aren't born, they're created. You know, in order to be a monster, you first have to be a monster's victim." – Darrell Hammond [62:09]

7. Healing and Recovery

• Ending Self-Harm: Following major therapy breakthroughs, Hammond describes the disappearance of flashbacks, nightmares, and compulsions (61:25):

  “What had happened was the ringing stopped. It did, yeah.” – Darrell Hammond [61:25]

• Daily Practices: Recovery includes cognitive therapy, yoga, gratitude journaling, connection with supportive friends, and ongoing self-awareness (65:20, 67:17):

  “When I have that law of mutuality...a shared experience can bring us health that living alone we cannot get.” – Darrell Hammond [66:19]

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On the Performative Nature of Suffering:

  “You cannot do what you have done hundreds of times in front of millions of people flawlessly with a broken brain.” – Dr. K [30:13]

• On the Silence Around Abuse:

  “The greater crime to me is that they expect you not to talk about it. It's the contract 101 between perp and victim. If you do talk about it, it's going to be much worse.” – Darrell Hammond [58:07]

• On Feeling Pity for the Abuser:

  “Nothing frees you from your perpetrator any better than a little sympathy for the devil. Like, I felt pity and fear for her.” – Darrell Hammond [60:09]

• On Rediscovering Joy:

  “Swear to God, once in a while I feel pretty good...I was able to hold my own...it was a great night of comedy. I felt really good that night.” – Darrell Hammond [67:17]

Important Segment Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|---------------------------------------------------------| | 03:35 | Darrell introduces "Cray," his Audible memoir | | 05:09 | Family background; father’s PTSD, war trauma | | 14:44 | First experience with alcohol | | 21:25 | First act of self-harm | | 24:55 | Decades-long misdiagnosis; role of alcohol | | 28:58 | Psychiatric hospital stay; Dr. K’s intervention | | 33:01 | Synesthesia and the role of color in memory | | 39:03 | Therapeutic breakthrough; "naming the trauma" | | 50:03 | Memory of being stabbed by mother; link to self-harm | | 58:07 | Speaking out against the silence of abuse | | 62:09 | On the cycle of abuse | | 65:20 | Implementing daily practices for recovery | | 68:23 | Mafia story anecdote | | 72:20 | Advice to 16-year-old Darrell Hammond |

Memorable Anecdotes

"The German Luger and the Brain-Smearing Story" (07:42)

Darrell recalls how his father’s PTSD predictably colored childhood mood, hinging on whether he emerged with a baseball glove or a Nazi pistol.

“If he came out with the baseball glove, it's going to be a good day. If he came out with a German Luger, means he'd been having nightmares...” – Darrell Hammond

“The Mayonnaise Mouth Gas Station Guy” (19:02)

As a teen, Darrell and his friends would bribe a strange but memorable clerk for beer:

“He always seemed to have a dab of mayonnaise at the corner of his mouth...he would sell us beer because he wanted to talk to us...‘I need to get me some strange.’”

"SNL & Hiding Self-Harm Scars" (29:21)

Ryan asks if Darrell had to cover scars at SNL. He replies candidly—sometimes there are visible signs, captured in the documentary Cracked Up.

"The Mafia Story" (68:23)

Darrell drunkenly attempts to enlist the help of the mafia after being set up in a Caribbean drug sting, only to wake outside a Mulberry St. social club covered in marinara sauce:

“I woke up on a pile of sand and my shirt was covered in red...Apparently I'd eaten. I'd eaten...when you kill somebody and you pass out, you wake up outside on a mouth of sand covered in mar...Give the guys some sconjili...Throw them out back.” – Darrell Hammond [71:32]

Reflections & Takeaways

• The Power of Uncovering Lowlights: Hammond’s story epitomizes The HoneyDew’s mission of highlighting and finding hope in life's darkest corners.
• Impressions and Survival: Comedy, impressions, and synesthesia all helped Hammond mask and survive his suffering.
• Naming and Sympathizing with Trauma: Healing begins when trauma is acknowledged and named; sympathy for abusers can help break the cycle.
• Daily Recovery Practices Matter: Cognitive and social tools provide Hammond with hope, peace, and occasional joy—even after lifelong pain.

Ryan’s Final Question and Hammond’s Advice to His 16-Year-Old Self

“What would you say to 16-year-old Daryl Hammond?”
Darrell: “Go see a shrink...I think what I would want to tell him is you're going to meet five American presidents. Five men, presidents of the United States would call you by your first name.” (72:43)

Promotion & Further Listening

• Cray – Darrell’s Audible memoir:

  “One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest meets the King’s Speech at Saturday Night Live.”

• Cracked Up – Documentary on Darrell's life and healing journey

Closing Note:
This episode is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, the complexity of healing, and the vital role of storytelling as connection. Hammond’s vulnerability and dark humor make this essential listening for anyone who’s grappled with trauma, mental health, or the search for connection.