353: Josh Wolf - Taking My Son to Rehab

Summary

The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler – Episode 353: Josh Wolf - Taking My Son to Rehab

Release Date: September 29, 2025
Guest: Josh Wolf
Theme: Stories from life’s lowlights, specifically Josh Wolf’s candid, difficult journey as a father taking his son to drug rehab.

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Episode Overview

This episode of The HoneyDew goes deep into family, addiction, recovery, guilt, and personal growth as comedian Josh Wolf returns to discuss the painful chapter of taking his son, Jacob, to rehab. Employing the show’s signature humor and vulnerability, Wolf and host Ryan Sickler explore the complexities of parenting through addiction, personal regret, boundaries, and the many shades of parental love. The conversation unpacks not just the act of intervention, but the introspection and aftermath that follow.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Catch-Up & Wolf’s Recent Work

• Josh and Ryan start with some banter, shoutouts to Patreon stories, and plug their current projects.
  • Notable: Josh’s "Campfire Special" (YouTube, [06:46]), the relaunch of his podcast with his son as "Generation Wolf", and his tour with Jacob.

2. Touring with Jacob: The Decision and Dynamics ([10:34]–[13:14])

• Josh describes the pros and cons of touring with his son. Despite many “cons,” the main “pro”—time together—always wins.

  • “I could have listed 100 cons and only had one pro. And as long as that pro was I get to spend time with Jacob, it didn’t matter what the cons were.” — Josh Wolf ([11:20])

• Wolf explains how their genuine on-stage chemistry and shorthand developed, their close relationship, and their “one room, two beds” set-up to keep boundaries clear.

3. Parenting, Drugs, and Generational Change ([13:14]–[17:52])

• Josh opens up about his own attitudes towards weed and psychedelics, describing his transparency with Jacob but strict boundaries about hard drugs.
  • “I have zero tolerance for cocaine. I have zero tolerance for meth... when I was trying it, you weren’t dying from a bump.” — Josh Wolf ([20:08])
• Discussion on the shifting culture around weed and how it affected his parenting and perspectives—with both hosts admitting their thoughts changed as society did.

4. The Discovery: Jacob’s Addiction ([23:55]–[25:32])

• The heartbreaking moment: Josh and his partner Beth receive a text from Jacob overseas, admitting he is a drug addict and feels helpless.
  • “It did say in the text, I’m an addict. I’m a drug addict.” — Josh Wolf ([23:50])
• Jacob reveals it’s cocaine; Wolf is blindsided — prior warning signs were chalked up to Jacob’s constant congestion.

5. Guilt, Blind Spots, and Parental Responsibility ([25:55]–[31:13])

• Grieving over missed signs and grappling with parental guilt: Was his own openness about drugs partly to blame for Jacob’s addiction?
  • “I felt such enormous guilt about being so open about drugs... and what was my responsibility in his addiction, which was really brutal for me.” — Josh Wolf ([26:27])
  • Reflecting that being a parent is central to his identity, Wolf wonders if he failed at “the one thing I thought I was good at.”
  • “I’ve always considered myself to be a good parent and shook the core of who I thought I was.” — Josh Wolf ([27:26])

6. Rehab, Boundaries, and Tough Love ([31:13]–[34:48])

• Josh and Beth trick Jacob into coming home and immediately bring him to a sober living house, not a cushy facility, to experience proper withdrawal and recovery.

  • Clear boundaries: “You leave, dude, but you’re not coming home to a job. You’re not coming home to me and you on the road.” — Josh Wolf ([31:23])

• Jacob feels anger at this intervention and for not getting a say—a dynamic they’ll “disagree about until the day he dies” ([49:53])—but Wolf stands by the choice.

7. The Road, Temptations, and Comic Life ([22:48]–[25:06]; [35:04]–[38:01])

• Ryan highlights the unique temptations of the road, especially for young comics: substances, party culture, the risk of being taken advantage of.
• The “one room, two beds” rule is both an expression of protectiveness and a practical boundary.

8. Post-Rehab: Recovery, Relapse Risk, and New Normal ([40:41]–[55:40])

• Jacob leaves sober living early but stays clean from cocaine and alcohol, though he still smokes weed (“more than I'm comfortable with, but way better than doing coke” — [33:59]).
• He cuts ties with old party circles in Vegas and focuses on work and comedy.
• Both Josh and Beth wrestle with ongoing guilt, but outside advice from sober friends (notably Steven Randolph) helps reframe accountability.
  • “An addict is going to find what they want to find.” — Steven Randolph via Josh Wolf ([32:10])

9. Personal Transformation: Sobriety, Therapy, and Self-Work ([61:01]–[68:10])

• The ordeal changes Josh’s relationship with drugs, his self-perception, and his artistry.
  • He quits weed for 90 days, transforms his creative habits, and sees a therapist (“doing some real work on little Josh” — [64:41]).
  • “For seven nights in a row in my dreams, I woke up weeping… 20 years of emotions just pouring out of me in my dreams.” — Josh Wolf ([63:37])
  • He stops hiding (e.g., not dying his beard, going without hats) and embraces vulnerability in his comedy and life.

10. Rebuilding Family, Acceptance, and Moving Forward ([68:10]–[71:26])

• The family emerges stronger, with more honest communication. Jacob is now a valued stage partner (“back to him… compassion and empathy, all that had kind of gone off… now it’s back” — [56:30]).
• Wolf expresses gratitude for the growth that came from pain: “It was one of the most challenging things that I’ve ever… as a parent. But it really has led to… me waking up emotionally and in life.” — Josh Wolf ([71:06])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Fatherhood and Sacrifice

  • “As long as that pro was I get to spend time with Jacob, it didn’t matter what the cons were.” — Josh Wolf ([11:20])

• On Addiction and Parental Guilt

  • “I felt such enormous guilt about being so open about drugs and how I was okay with it and what was my responsibility in his addiction, which was really brutal for me.” — Josh Wolf ([26:27])
  • “I’ve always considered myself to be a good parent and shook the core of who I thought I was.” — Josh Wolf ([27:26])

• On Hidden Struggles

  • “I was so blinded by it, man… It was right in my face.” — Josh Wolf ([38:01])

• On Recovery and Honesty

  • “He said, ‘all the lies I had to keep up with… it was killing me. That has lifted me more than not doing the coke.’” — Josh Wolf ([35:04])

• On Letting Go of Masks

  • “To slowly be able to take off the mask… has felt amazing.” — Josh Wolf ([71:01])

• On Growth through Pain

  • “It really has led to… me waking up emotionally and in life.” — Josh Wolf ([71:06])

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Important Segments with Timestamps

• Josh plugs his upcoming special and podcast — [06:12] to [08:55]
• Touring with Jacob & ‘One Room, Two Beds’ Philosophy — [10:34] to [13:14]
• Drug Policy with Jacob & Generational Shifts — [13:14] to [17:52]
• Jacob’s Addiction Confession — [23:55] to [25:32]
• Dealing with Guilt & Parental Identity Crisis — [25:55] to [31:13]
• Intervention & Setting Boundaries — [31:13] to [34:48]
• Post-Rehab Struggles and Progress — [40:41] to [55:40]
• Josh’s Own Sober Experiences and Therapy — [61:01] to [68:10]
• Acceptance; Letting Go of Vanity/Mask — [68:10] to [71:26]

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Closing Reflections

• Ryan thanks Josh for his honesty:
  • “Thank you for doing this. I know that wasn’t easy to come on and talk about.” — Ryan Sickler ([71:01])
• Josh credits the experience with inspiring deep positive changes, and they end with laughter and a reminder to check out Josh’s new “Campfire Special” and the “Generation Wolf” podcast.

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Episode Takeaways

• Addiction can blindside even the most engaged, loving parents.
• Honest, difficult conversations—and boundaries—are essential to support and recovery.
• Guilt and self-questioning are natural but must be processed and not left to fester.
• Therapy, sober friendships, and vulnerability help parents and children heal.
• Letting go of one's "mask" and being truly authentic can be transformative.

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Where to Find More

• Josh Wolf’s “Campfire Special”: [YouTube, released Aug 12]
• Podcast: “Generation Wolf” (formerly “Hey Man”), with Jacob Wolf
• Tour Info: ComedianJoshWolf.com
• Ryan Sickler’s Stand Up Special: Coming October 24 on YouTube

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This episode is a vulnerable, at times harrowing, look at parenting-scarred by addiction, but full of love, humor, and hope. Whether you’re a parent, child, or simply human, there’s something meaningful in Josh and Ryan’s unflinching honesty and laughter through the hard stuff.

Transcript

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[Ryan Sickler]

Progressive knows we all crave validation.

[Josh Wolf]

Girl, you are not 37.

[Ryan Sickler]

I would have guessed 27.

[Josh Wolf]

You guys are too sweet. Sure. Dewy skin. Terrific. Um, is something wrong, Ned? Why would you ask?

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[Ryan Sickler]

Wow.

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[Ryan Sickler]

And that's all the validation you need.

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[Josh Wolf]

Not available in California from all agents.

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[Ryan Sickler]

All right, y', all, big news. My new stand up special, live and Alive drops Friday, October 24th, right here on my YouTube at 9. 00pm Eastern, 6pm Pacific. We shot it at Comedy on State, Madison, Wisconsin. There were two sold out shows, the crowds were unbelievable, and I'm telling you honestly, it's my best work. All right, this special is special. I'm really proud of it. It's self produced, it's self funded, it's self released, and straight from me to you, the way it should be. Here's the best part. During the premiere, I'll be live in the YouTube comments with you guys hanging out the whole time. I'll answer questions. I want to watch it all unfold in real time with you guys. Like we're there together that night. All right, so make sure you subscribe to my channel, hit that reminder and join me on release night. This one means a lot to me and I would love to experience that first watch with you guys. Friday, October 24th, 9pm Eastern, 6pm Pacific. Live and alive right here on my YouTube. Subscribe now and don't miss it. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'. All. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants Studios. I am Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler on all your social media, ryancicler.com thanking you guys for watching this show, supporting this show. All these years we've been going. Now I'm trying to think about it. We start in January of 2019. So thank you. Thank you very much. I love my life. I love doing this with you guys. And if you got to have more, then you got to have the Patreon. Listen to me. It's the Honeydew with you all, and it's the wildest show on the Internet, and our guest today can testify to that. So if you or someone you know has a story that has to be heard, please submit it to honeydew podcastmail.com. if you've already sent it, send it again, bump it to the top. We would love to do your story. All right, that's the biz. You know what we do here? We highlight the lowlights. And I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest back on the Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, Joshua.

[Josh Wolf]

Let's go. By the way, just as somebody who's heard those Patreon stories and has been in here, those are wild. It's without a doubt more consistent than Netflix.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you. Without a doubt for five bucks.

[Josh Wolf]

Crazy. The entertainment you get. And I'm not, guys, I don't get any money from Ryan Sickler saying this shit, this, it is the best $5 you're ever gonna spend. Some of those stories, dude, I will go home and I'll tell my wife, and you know what she says to me? Why do you do that show?

[Ryan Sickler]

Because where else are you hearing that?

[Josh Wolf]

I was like, are you kidding me?

[Ryan Sickler]

Where else are you here?

[Josh Wolf]

These are real. Because if some of the stories, dude, if they were in a movie, I'd be like, come on, man.

[Ryan Sickler]

100. You'd be like, there's no way that really happened. Yeah, yeah, it did. It did.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. The. A couple of them.

[Ryan Sickler]

And also the fact that, like, you know, we're gonna have Segura do one, which. This is not a best of episode with Josh this time. We had planned one for Tom Seg also, but to shock you guys, you're the two people that send me the most up on the Internet non stop. To the point now, when you guys Will send me a video like you did yesterday. I'm like, saw it today. Because you have affected my algorithm where you don't need to send them to me anymore. They're showing up now heavy, too. They're just showing up heavy in my field.

[Josh Wolf]

Here's what's crazy and how normalized they've become. The I send the video. Here's what the conversation was afterwards. You right saw today the neck. The question I had was, are those diapers? And you said, nope.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Just the fact that we were having that conversation. Matter of fact.

[Ryan Sickler]

It'S in my day now because of all this. So go watch it. Subscribe. But before we get into your story today, please plug everything, anything you'd like.

[Josh Wolf]

Well, I do a podcast with my son called hey man, that we are changing. We're rebranding. And next month, I don't know when this comes out, but next month, and we're going to call it Generation Wolf. We're going to get back into interviewing people about their childhood. Like we did with you about that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Two hour podcast you did with me where I cried three times. And. And you're like, hey, guy, we don't have the audio for that. I'm like, wait, you don't have the video? We can still release the audio. You're like, no, no, we got the video. We don't have the audio. Hey, you know what? It happened here. It happened here, too. It did.

[Josh Wolf]

She did not know what she was doing. But we're. So we're getting back into that. We're going to rebrand the Generation Wolf. I have another special coming out. It'll be out August 12th. It's called the Campfire special.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where are they going to find that?

[Josh Wolf]

On my YouTube channel. You know, the special I released eight months ago passed over a million. All my specials. Over a million. But this special, because I've gotten really back into playing guitar. Like, I've been alternating one, some straight story specials and then music and stories and then just stories. And this one is like you're sitting around a campfire. It, dude, this is maybe my funniest special. And I'm doing things that I shoot in Zany's in Nashville.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, yeah, we love Zanies.

[Josh Wolf]

But I did things.

[Ryan Sickler]

Lucy.

[Josh Wolf]

I did things like. And Brian Dorfman, dude, great dude. I did things like I'd been writing songs for a hype like a Spinal Tap country band called Hard country, okay? And we, me and the two guys from a band called Little Big Town, they came and joined me and we like dude, we wrote song. We have a song called why is your titty on your back? It's why is your titty on your back? It's so funny, dude.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's all right. Listen, I am gonna be in my head all day today. I'm just gonna watch your titty on your back.

[Josh Wolf]

It's such a good song, dude.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'll make my own lyrics up after.

[Josh Wolf]

It's amazing. We. And so when we did it, I had Chelsea Lynn on. I wrote a song for she and I. And then I did a bunch of. I did some songs with Jacob, but. And then stories are in between there. But this is. It's like an hour 15. I had, you know, Jeremiah Watkins and every Pearson started a production company, and so they did it. It looks great. I'm so fucking happy. So if you guys get a chance, go check that out on my YouTube page and just touring, man. Comedian Joshwolf.com Jacob and I tour around together. He's, you know, somebody. He. He does 15 minutes. Jay Moore asked me. He goes, how much time does he do? I go, 15? And he goes, how much time does he have? I go, two and a half.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

You know. You know what I'm saying? But. But I've just. It's been so much fun, man. And I. And I told you earlier before, I've never been happier in more peace, personally. And I've never been such a clean slate creatively. I really don't know what I want to do moving forward. I know I want to perform, but I don't know what I want to talk about. So I'm pretty excited to see. I tour so much. I write also.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like hearing that too. Like, a lot of times, you know, comedians, I'm sure authors, whatever. You get to a point where, like, I don't know what I want to talk about. And instead of being excited about the. Any opportunity out there, you freak out about, I don't know what it's going to be, and you shut down or, you know, you clam up. So I like hearing that because I'm just. I'm in the same spot. I feel the same way.

[Josh Wolf]

I write so much. So I have this special. I have other material I'm just going to release or, I don't know, I'm going to put out another story special. I have all the stories lined up for it. I could shoot it. I think I'm just going to release. It's going to force me to do something different because as long if I release it, I'm not Telling that story.

[Ryan Sickler]

Get out of your comfort zone.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. What. What do I want to do? So I'm. I can't wait, man. And we'll see. I might be like, this was the biggest fucking mistake in my life, but I don't think so. I don't think so.

[Ryan Sickler]

But as we know, highlights don't come without the low lights. So talk to me about taking Jacob out on the road. And, like, what. What was the decision to say yes to that? Because as. As a parent and a businessman, I know you weighed your pros and your cons. What made you say yes to that? And actually, how old was he when he first. First. When you first did this? Well, not just dabbled, but where you're like, okay, we're gonna do this.

[Josh Wolf]

He was coming on the road with me just in selling merch, and we would do Q and A's every now and then. And because so much of my material had been about him, my fans knew him or felt like they knew him, right? And so the Q and A's were amazing. And they. And they. And he was so natural, and we have such a cool shorthand. And truthfully, dude, I wrote out pros and cons, and I could have written. I could have listed 100 cons and only had one pro. And as long as that pro was I get to spend time with Jacob, it didn't matter what the cons were. It really didn't. Whatever it was going to do with my business, you know how it might affect it. Anything. You don't get to spend. You still have a young kid. People have grown, adult children. You know, I don't want to hang out with you. And so to be able to.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm in that window now. Like, it's. I'm in the window where I gotta wait out to whatever next 20 years, but maybe. Maybe 30, she'll come back around like, hey, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Because they think you're dumb as.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't know right now. Nah.

[Josh Wolf]

And so.

[Ryan Sickler]

Which also is a nice. Honestly, I like it because it's a bit of a, you know, grounding. It's a humble check where, like, you know. No, I'm like, you know how much I know. And then I'm like, I don't know. So ask me a question. I like, let's look it up.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. He'll say things to me, and I'll agree with, and I'll have to Google it. I'm like, what do you mean by.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, he.

[Josh Wolf]

It's funny, though. He gets our pop culture references. You Know why? Family Guy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Josh Wolf]

He's like, I know that song. I'm like, how do you know that song? He's like, fucking Family Guy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Crazy. But so, just to be able to tour with him. And I think, I don't know if I told you this, but I. He's been touring with me for, like, three years, and I like to fuck with him. I, I have yet to let him get his own hotel room. I make him sleep with me every night. And I keep telling him I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna name this tour one room, two beds. He was like, don't. I don't like that. I'm like, maybe, you know, the one bed, one room.

[Ryan Sickler]

One bed, one room, two beds.

[Josh Wolf]

But, but. So we started touring together and, you know, I'm, you know, I've had to walk a delicate line with him, especially because I've been pretty open about, you know, my drug use. And when I say drug use, it's weed, shrooms, acid. I'll, I'll do a little ketamine every now and then. But besides that, sober, you know, other.

[Ryan Sickler]

Than that.

[Josh Wolf]

Besides Adam, Clean as a whistle.

[Ryan Sickler]

Whistle body's a temple. Yeah. So I could drive right now. Maybe not on ass, maybe not on acid.

[Josh Wolf]

No, I think I might be able to drive on.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, not a spaceship on ass.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, dude, but we, but these are all things that I've been really open. And he's a weed smoker.

[Ryan Sickler]

And, and how old is he?

[Josh Wolf]

28.

[Ryan Sickler]

So 25 is when he goes. Starts going on the road with you?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Three years. Okay.

[Josh Wolf]

And I was, I, I, I wasn't a dude who was, you know, big into smoking weed with him when he was younger. But my, my, I always thought, well, I, I would have my dad had a beer with me. What's the difference?

[Ryan Sickler]

And this is you. And it was you. It was Beth, James, myself, we all went to. You guys invited me to. Here was when it first opened. It was Lowell's Cannabis Cafe. And I watched your son, who was 20, whatever, two at the time, smoke a joint. And I thought, man, I always thought I would never do that with my kid, you know, until they were like, maybe a parent. And then I'm like, well, wait a minute. If it's gonna be federally legal, I don't have any say over this 21 year old. Who can legally drink. Who could. I would have a beer with my daughter at 23 or whatever. Why wouldn't I smoke a joint if it's a legal thing? So it did change My mind on like. Well, once it's a law like you, you also have no control over that anymore, Bro.

[Josh Wolf]

If I'm SM a joint, there was a while why I would smoke, I'd be like, I'm not going to smoke with you. But we were across the table smoking.

[Ryan Sickler]

Progressive knows we all create validation.

[Josh Wolf]

Girl, you are not 37.

[Ryan Sickler]

I would have guessed 27.

[Josh Wolf]

You guys are too sweet. Sure. Dewy skin. Terrific. Is something wrong, Ned? Why would you ask?

[Progressive/LG XBoom Advertiser]

Just because Today marks my 10th anniversary without a car accident or even a speeding ticket, but somehow tonight's all about your skin care.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wow.

[Progressive/LG XBoom Advertiser]

With snapshot from Progressive, you can get a personalized rate based on how you drive.

[Ryan Sickler]

And that's all the validation you need.

[Progressive/LG XBoom Advertiser]

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[Josh Wolf]

And the truth is, I started to think, if I say. If I said yes to alcohol and no to the weed, what am I saying about the weed? I don't. Because I'm not a dude who thinks weed is worse than booze, so. Right.

[Ryan Sickler]

I think booze is worse than me. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. Right. So what would I. What would I be saying? So we would smoke some weed together. You know, I do mushrooms every Friday night late show. And he did that a couple times with me.

[Ryan Sickler]

By the way, thank you for the mushrooms.

[Josh Wolf]

How good are those?

[Ryan Sickler]

Phenomenal, bro. So it inspired me. So it was Luden.

[Josh Wolf]

The.

[Ryan Sickler]

The clip I saw was Something's burning. Burt's clip with Lunell.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And she said. She's just smiling ear to ear and she said, josh Wolf gave me these mushrooms. And she said, I just took a little bit of the dust and had it before I came here. And when I heard that, I was.

[Josh Wolf]

Like, you know what?

[Ryan Sickler]

Damn if I'm not doing that with my motherfucking Sunday. I don't want to go blitz. I fucking took all that dust. I rolled in a little peanut butter ball. Boom, bro. What a wonderful, amazing. What a wonderful Sunday I had, man, were. I know. I didn't know the trees were that green. I didn't even know they talked, Chris. You know?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. Everything's crisp as 40k.

[Ryan Sickler]

What filter get my cameras to look like?

[Josh Wolf]

Dude, they should do a filter.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's just a shroom camera. They should have a shroom lens.

[Josh Wolf]

You know, I take like three, three and a half grams before. It's not what I. There's no dust. That's not what I'm doing. Just so you know, I'm not sprinkling any fucking. I'm taking three, three and a half grams and I'm going on stage, dude. So it's. But. But. And there were. There was, like, one night. This was the last time he did them with me. So he.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, so he would do that with every.

[Josh Wolf]

For like, four weeks? He did. You know, when your kid. He just assumed, well, my dad's taking this. I can take what he takes. He considered. I was like, dude, I get 30 years of buildup. This is not tolerance.

[Ryan Sickler]

Mistakes.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. And my brain is like, don't freak out.

[Ryan Sickler]

We know what this is.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. We were in the hotel room, in our one room, two beds, and I was watching Impractical Jokers, and I was laughing like I had never seen the show in my life. Like, it was the single. Who thought of this? Like, tears.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Rolling down my face, laughing. And I look at him. He's under the covers. He was under the covers weeping. It was amazing. Absolutely amazing. But.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I was a grown man under there, weeping, crying.

[Josh Wolf]

And the next morning, he was like, I think I'm out of the mushrooms. Like, good. I. That's probably a good call. But so not long after that, you know, he would. Okay. One thing he would always say to me was, like. Because we would talk about whatever drugs, and I'd say to him, dude, I have zero tolerance for cocaine. I have zero tolerance for meth. I told him all these things. I have zero tolerance for you even entertaining that. Especially now when that line of coke. Oh. Could kill you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Kill you.

[Josh Wolf]

Right. Just you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like a bump.

[Josh Wolf]

Right. I think I want to try this. And I know it sounds hypocritical, but when I was trying it, you weren't dying from a bump.

[Ryan Sickler]

Now, to overdose back then, you had to take so much of that drug that it killed you. You had to earn. Not a look. Yeah. You had to go for it. Not a little. And you're gone. No. So I feel bad all the time for these people that are ruled in overdose when really they were poisoned, they were murdered. They were killed. They. They did not take enough of said substance, whatever it is to kill them, it was a poisoned substance that. That got them, not that thing.

[Josh Wolf]

If I'm going to od, I want to earn it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Do you know what I mean? Yes. It's like, dude, honestly, I got a little older. I've gotten a heartburn, right? You know how healthy I eat. I got so mad, I'm like, at least let me eat the pizza. I'm getting heartburn from kale.

[Ryan Sickler]

You Look, I'm 52. I've never done cocaine. Let's just say when I hit 70, I'm like, I would like to try it. A tiny little could kill me. I don't even get to enjoy it. I didn't get to have fun.

[Josh Wolf]

Can we make it back? 80 years old, bro.

[Ryan Sickler]

If I make it to Heroin, I'll will 100. I want opium, I want heroin, I want cocaine. Not all in the same.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, I was going to say that's the last day. Yeah. You might as well have One Foot.

[Ryan Sickler]

Over the Grave pop up one last night. Like I told you.

[Josh Wolf]

Fuck you. Just. But I'm on record, 80 years old. I want to try it, because you know why? Because they make it look so fun in the movies especially. Well, the first half, the second half of the movie, not as fun, you know, when you're sucking dick for.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I don't want to get that far, you know, I mean, I don't want to. I don't want to do that for anything, you know, so. But I want to ask you too, because as we both know, the road, like, you've got a very young man, and there's so many temptations on the road with the alcohol, the hard drugs, the. The girls, all that. And I mean, look, I think, honestly, again, being from Baltimore really helped me out. Because when I'm on the road, I have never. In all the years, I've never left with a girl, I've never gone back to a lady's place, nothing. Because in my mind, you don't want to me. I'm going to your place, or you're coming to my room, and next thing I know, two dudes are showing up and I'm getting robbed and up. And I just don't want any fucking part of it.

[Josh Wolf]

Can I tell you all honesty, no jokes. It's why it's one room, two beds. It's why it's one room, okay? Because it's. He's okay. He's not going out and doing an open mic where nobody knows him. People aren't there's nobody throwing pussy at him, you know, because of that. But he's in front of now, room full of people who already love him. Young, handsome, too many temptations. And I just was like, this is going to keep him eye on the prize. So out of nowhere, Beth and I got a text from him one night when he was overseas where he basically was like, I'm an addict. I won't go into the specific text because it's pretty personal. And I'm not sure he wants me to say exactly what it said, but it was like, I'm gonna. It was. No, because it did say in the text, I'm an addict. I'm a drug addict.

[Ryan Sickler]

What made him get to that? He.

[Josh Wolf]

You could see in the text he felt helpless. And he was. Felt like he was drowning. And I was like, what? What? Here's another thing. I go, what drug? And he said, coke.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you hadn't seen him do it or anything?

[Josh Wolf]

Nothing. And here's his saving grace. He's always been a congested dude, always runny nose, always sniffle, always. So it wasn't something that I picked up on. Looking back, I think I didn't want to see some of it because here's the thing, you know, as a parent and you know, as somebody who's. Who's lied as a child, your parents want to believe you. That's what they want. They want. They. But you're their kid. They want to believe you. So. And they don't want to believe any of the bad. So we. He was in London at the time. He flew back in and right when he landed, we drove him. We brought him here to a house and he went in for. He left early.

[Ryan Sickler]

Which wasn't something that get sober living or.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, we wanted him to. I didn't want him to be up at where they make you mango juice and, you know, where you're like, this is nice. I wanted him to be in a room with eight other dudes on a bunk bed, you. You know, and event. Learning how to live without drugs.

[Ryan Sickler]

How long had he been doing it?

[Josh Wolf]

Two years.

[Ryan Sickler]

And so obviously they're on the road a gram a day. Is he testing it?

[Josh Wolf]

And he said yes, he's Lucky grandma day in Vegas.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's Russian roulette, bro.

[Josh Wolf]

You know, borrowing, stealing money.

[Ryan Sickler]

And how's he getting it? Fans and are showing.

[Josh Wolf]

He.

[Ryan Sickler]

He had his own thing.

[Josh Wolf]

He would find it in Vegas. He had his own connect in Vegas. He didn't do it much on the road because he was like, I didn't Think I could fool you on the road? He was like, if I'm up until six in the morning in the one room, you're probably going to catch on. But he was doing a gram a day. And, you know, he told me later, he was like, you know, I was stealing money from you every weekend, selling the merch from the merch. He was like, I was just stealing money anyway. And he was like, you ask Mom. I was borrowing money for her for things that I didn't need. You know, I would say something like, my rent or my car, I need a new tire. And he was like, I stole a lot from you guys, but we had to put him in sober living. And it was like, you get caught also as a human, you don't want to make it about you. But I felt such enormous guilt about being so open about drugs and how I was okay with it and what was my responsibility in his addiction, which was really brutal for me. And I'm just thinking about this now, dude, I think one of the reasons it was so brutal for me is because one of the things I've. Oh, we all have our. Who am I? Right? You. If you wrote down who's Ryan Sickler? You would write down father. That would be somewhere near the top of the list.

[Ryan Sickler]

Top, right.

[Josh Wolf]

Not only did I was at the top of my list, I've always considered myself to be a good parent and shook the core of who I thought I was. It was. And at the same time, I remember when my oldest son was in Afghanistan and we would call him on the phone, I remember the first time we called him and he could hear that I was nervous. This was the first time when he was at his base and he was like, hey, I'm gonna stop you right now. I can't. I'm nervous enough. I can't be comforting you. So whatever you got going on, get your shit together. Put that shit to the side.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, because when we're talking, for him, that's mature.

[Josh Wolf]

He was like, when we're talking, I have to forget where I am.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's what this is for.

[Josh Wolf]

That's what. That's. This.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's great.

[Josh Wolf]

Right?

[Ryan Sickler]

That's fucking Wells, man. That's. That's a fucking it. But also.

[Josh Wolf]

Right.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's a point of view, isn't it?

[Josh Wolf]

But fucking A, it's not about me. He's waking up every day not knowing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Shit'S blown up around me. I'm just trying to call you guys and check out for a few minutes. Don't be interviewing me about this on.

[Josh Wolf]

A separate side note. So when he comes home, we threw him a party, and he goes, hey, I made, like, a little video of my time in Afghanistan. Can I show it? And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we. There's a party with, like, children and, like, from 6 to 80, all in between. Just people there to see Trevor come home, like, 10 minutes for the party. I go, let me see the video just to make sure. And it's like a picture collage of him and his friends, you know, landing in Afghanistan on the way to the base. And then it cuts to a video, and you just see some Afghanis walking by a dry riverbed, and then just carpet bomb. No Afghanis.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's in the video.

[Josh Wolf]

I go, hey, dude, we can't show that. And he goes, why not? I go, people died, right? He goes, yeah, but no blood. I go, no, we're not showing actual death at your welcome Twitter. Welcome home. Yeah. But his perspective had. Had changed.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

So much.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, how that all of a sudden becomes tame. Yeah, yeah. No blood. There's no blood there. It's not. Boy, it's fine.

[Josh Wolf]

It's just.

[Ryan Sickler]

No souls are gone, right?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see them?

[Ryan Sickler]

You see.

[Josh Wolf]

But not really.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, boot over there, it's like a magic trick.

[Josh Wolf]

They're there, they're not there. I say that because, you know, I. The other thing I really struggled with is this isn't about me. Whatever my responsibility may or may not be. Your son is in a life crisis. And so it was a real struggle with my ego. And I think Beth would say the same thing about where our responsibility was in where he ended up. And it was brutal to question the part of you you're so proud of. The. What you're most proud of. Who my kids are. How I was as a parent, both Beth and I. And so for that to rock you was. And I'm. Dude, I'm not the only person that's had kids have to go to rehab, and I'm sure they've all struggled with the same fucking thing. So it was really rough. And he was angry at Beth and I for putting in there.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, was he still?

[Josh Wolf]

Still, still, still. He left early. He was like, I don't.

[Ryan Sickler]

You can't. You can leave on your own at this place.

[Josh Wolf]

Sober living. You could.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And my deal with him was, you leave, dude, but you're not coming home to a job. You're not coming home to me and you on the road.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. Okay. That's not what you're coming That's a healthy boundary.

[Josh Wolf]

I couldn't be like, well, great, let's go back out. Yeah, there are.

[Ryan Sickler]

An addict's gonna find whatever their addiction is, wherever the they go, gambling, prostitution, whatever.

[Josh Wolf]

It's gonna morph into something. You know, Steven Randolph actually really helped me because I called him and you know, he's struggled with his own addiction and. But he helps people and maybe that's not something we put on there. I don't know if he wants.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, he's. Are you kidding me? Randolph has told the. Oh yeah, he's told the wildest stories ever on the crab feast and everything. Oh yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

So. But I called him, he said, hey, this helped me a lot. He said, take whatever guilt you're feeling and whatever responsibility and flush it, because an addict is an addict. He said, did your. Do you do drugs? And I said, yeah. He said, did your parents do drugs? I go, not one. He was like, it doesn't, it doesn't. It's not. You didn't force feed him. It's his choice. And have you done coke? And I said, yeah. I go, are you an addict? I said, no. And he said, it's in him already, you know, paraphrasing or whatever. But he was like, this is not your responsibility. They're going to. An addict is going to find what they want to find. And that did help a lot, that perspective, you know, but it was like, it changed me. I went. I was sober for 90 days. It changed my brain. It changed how I use drugs. I don't. I barely smoke weed anymore. I stopped for 90 days and I was like, it's weird for me to say that, dude, because for a while, dude, I had a show on Monday nights.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Where I would smoke three joints, take 200 milligrams of edibles and pop three grams of mushrooms and turn on the camera. And so that kind of stuff. I really checked how I was. I didn't. I don't glorify it as much. And I don't, I don't front with it as much. And he. And I don't. My line is, yeah, I still don't think you should smoke weed. Yes, smoke weed. And as far as I know, he's not doing coke, but my line is like, we just can't do that anymore.

[Ryan Sickler]

So when he leaves early, what happens? Does he get clean and sober? Does he have to go back? Does he learn that it's not as easy as he thought, or is he doing well?

[Josh Wolf]

He is.

[Ryan Sickler]

With the coke or anything.

[Josh Wolf]

I. He's not no coke, no booze for him.

[Ryan Sickler]

So he left early and he stayed clean. Look, man, I know.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I've got a cousin, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

But yeah, yeah, but I think so. I think so. Now he's still smoking weed and more than I'm comfortable with, but way better than doing coke, because a gram a day, it's not like your habit goes down.

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Josh Wolf]

And I told him, he was so mad, you know, he was like, I think I could kick this without going in.

[Ryan Sickler]

Richard Pryor's got. I'm going to mess it up. But it's always. I forget the year it is, but it's one of those old heads in the neighborhood, and they're like, man, you're addicted to this. I ain't addicted this, man. I've been doing this for 20 years. That logic, you know what y' all talking about. I've been doing this for 20 years.

[Josh Wolf]

The idea. He was like, I could have just kicked it at the house. I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, copy, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

He was like, everyone who's tried to kick it. Yeah, Matt.

[Josh Wolf]

And he's still mad.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's not about kicking cocaine as much as it is about fucking fighting that addiction down. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, coke's your thing, but you're gonna sit in the house and just try to talk yourself out of it. Good luck.

[Josh Wolf]

And coke leads just to terrible. Anybody who's done a bunch of coke and you're an addict, you're. When you're an addict and doing coke, you're not a good person. You're stealing from people, you're lying. You know what he told me, which was so interesting? He said, you know what the hardest part of being an addict was? I said, what? He goes, all the lies I had to keep up with living that different life. I had to keep up. I was telling so many lies to live this secret life. It was fucking killing me. He said, that has lifted me more than not doing the coke all the time. But a gram a day is not a little. And it's. He was doing it, you know, he would do it by himself. And he said he did it a couple. There was one time on the road, I just. Here's one of the ways, like, I didn't want to believe it. We were in a city, and somebody came into the room who worked there because if he needed coke, you can always go into the kitchen.

[Ryan Sickler]

Somebody could find everything you need is under that comedy club roof. Or someone can get that. You want pills, weed, coke. It's A. It's a little tap.

[Josh Wolf]

Some guy came in and was like, hey, that guy with the long hair wanted some coke. When you bundle renters and auto with.

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[Ryan Sickler]

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[Josh Wolf]

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[Ryan Sickler]

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[Ryan Sickler]

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[Ryan Sickler]

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[Josh Wolf]

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[Josh Wolf]

And I was like, I need to get the wrong room. He was like, I don't think so. He's one of the comics. I'm like, well, it's just me and my son. So, you know. And he was like, oh. And I was. I told Jacob. I'm like, this dude came in, he.

[Ryan Sickler]

Was like, I don't know who that guy is.

[Josh Wolf]

That was the one time he said to me, he goes, I thought you were gonna bust me. Then.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, it was. He's like, I don't know who you're talking about. He's like, nah, this guy right here, now, that's my son. Yeah, this guy.

[Josh Wolf]

That's the guy.

[Ryan Sickler]

He sent me out. It's Jacob, right?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, the guy with the long hair. The guy standing right there.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, the guy that goes up there with you. You're like, nah, not my son.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, but I was so blinded by it, man.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

It was so crazy because it was right in my face. He was like, yeah, that guy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And I was like, Jacob. He was like, no, not me. I'm like, not him.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, but.

[Josh Wolf]

But I. I had never. It made me start to question things that I had done with my other kids. And it made me question my entire. Tell me about my entire life as a father and did I really do good by these kids? It's a tough thing to question in yourself. The thing that you like I said that you're like, if everything else went away, I could hang my hat on this as a human. And to have someone go, maybe not, dude, your kid's a coke addict and you do drugs in front of them.

[Ryan Sickler]

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[Josh Wolf]

Ever bat a thousand. But when you Think your behavior has damaged your child in such a drastic way. That's the thing we've all make going into parenting. You don't realize until you are a parent that your parents didn't know what the they were doing. Especially with your first kid, you're like, I. I have to make a decision that I've never made before. So I'm gonna roll the dice. And you just do the best you can. And so I've always been, I mean, outside of your mom, I've thought there's, you know, no bad parents. No, I've always been.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm glad we could shatter that for you, brother. I'm glad we could bring you back down to earth.

[Josh Wolf]

I've always thought that people, it's not bad parents, they're doing the best they can. And some people aren't good at it, but they're still doing the best that they can. So I've always been okay with what.

[Ryan Sickler]

There's also some people, let's be honest, that aren't doing the best they can. Yeah, that's an excuse I think a lot of people use to be like, I'm doing the best I can. Then rational people say, hey, I know this person's a piece of. But they are doing the best they can. And then there are some times where you're like, no, they're not.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, no, they're not.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, they're not. They're not doing the best. If you're doing the best you can, you be. You wouldn't be sleeping on that couch with a hair on needle in your arm. That ain't the best you can do.

[Josh Wolf]

Right now unless you're 80.

[Ryan Sickler]

Get the up. Yeah, bro, can't wait. Get up and do the best you can. Be the best wherever you are. And the best of you is not that. It's not for some people.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Some people genuinely are like, look, man, I'm. I had you when I was 18, bro. I'm doing the best I can here. And I really am showing up and I am doing the best I can. That's different than just some loser parent, mom or dad being like, I'm doing whatever I can.

[Josh Wolf]

But some people are drug addicts and they have kids and I'm not excusing it or I'm not. I'm just like. I mean, maliciously, intentionally this kid up.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes.

[Josh Wolf]

And so I didn't. I never thought I was going to bat a thousand lord. I made a ton of mistakes. I think the. As a parent, as a parent, the thing I regret the most. But this was, and I remember this is crazy that I kind of not kind of. This is maybe the thing that I regret the most is not maybe without a doubt, I think I regret the most as a parent. I was single. I was raising the three kids young. I made $1,000 a month. I lived in Hollywood. Times tight. Dude.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. You were stealing, stealing, making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at route.

[Josh Wolf]

But I was, I was eating a meal a day and whatever scraps the kids left. Right. And I was still trying to do stand up. And it was at one of those points where everything was going wrong. And I had a $5,000 gig. What's the. Warren Miller is the guy who makes all the ski movies. And I had a five thousand dollar gig to do a live intro. I was gonna be the host for this Warren Miller.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Josh Wolf]

Five third. $5,000 is five months worth of money for me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

That is an enormous amount. I, I, that's one of those things. You're like, oh, okay. So if I'm not even as tight as I need to be for three months, I can pay rent and eat. Is an enormous check. And because the pressures of raising the kids and then still trying to do what we do was enormous. And I was, I was on the phone and I was losing this gig. And Caitlin, my daughter, was so good with Jacob. And there were times where I just needed two seconds but she was too small to pick him up. And I'd see him pick her pick him up. And I was like, Kate, I'm on the phone. Kate, you can't pick him up. Don't pick him up, please. You're not strong enough. Kate. As I'm losing this gig. Kate, don't pick him up. And then I lose the gig. I hear a huge crack. I hear a wail out of Jacob that I'd never heard before. She had dropped him going out to the patio on the tracks.

[Ryan Sickler]

Ooh, the sliding glass door track.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, dude, right across here. And you could see it. And obviously not proud of this. And something I've had to work through. Still I work through. This is the only time I've ever been physical with any of my kids. But I open handed her in the back of the head. Do you know what rocked me again more than anything is that she, she trusted me. That trust got taken for a while. That was so, you know, they trust you to keep them safe.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And when you're the person that's making them unsafe, that has to rock their entire. That realization came to me in that Instant, she wasn't hurt. It's not like I. But she was hurt. I could see in her eyes that the person that she. Because the mom wasn't there. So now she's got me. And I've always been Mr. Reliable, Mr. Trustworthy, you know, I'm gonna take care of you. And to have that yanked. I could see immediately her up changed. Like, I. I learned so much in that moment, right? So I had already. That was, for me. Bottom, bottom, bottom. I know. I. I know parents make mistakes. I'm not a perfect person. And I've apologized to her about it a gazillion times. So I wasn't like, parents don't make mistakes. But to maybe have a hand in something that could kill him was, like, rattled my world. Do you know what I mean? It wasn't me losing my temper and calling him a piece of shit or whatever, although I've never done that, but maybe on stage. We get a lot out on stage, dude. He said to me a couple weeks ago, oh, I'd love to punch you in the fucking face right now. We get a lot out, man. And it's so healthy. We're so very honest with each other, and we say. And then it let. And it goes. But to possibly have a. The hand. A hand in something that could kill him because of him watching me or trying to emulate me was a different level than making a mistake. You know what I mean? So I think I did. I went to therapy, and talking to people like, Stephen was amazing. Really helped. And talking to him, honestly, he was like, dude, I want you to know he told both Beth and I, this has nothing to do with either one of you. I. You. You could not have been more vocal about how bad cocaine is. And I tried it. And that was it for me. Yo, I've tried it. That wasn't it for me. So he was like, you have nothing. So him letting me off the hook helped, but, like, it was a real rough five or six months for sure, you know?

[Ryan Sickler]

And you said, he's still a little angry that you guys put him in there now. Could you visit him while you're in there?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, I came down.

[Ryan Sickler]

You did? That's allowed? Like, visits are allowed.

[Josh Wolf]

He was mad because in our relationship, we've always. Me and him and Beth have always talked, and it's always been a conversation. And he was like, it wasn't a conversation. You said to me. And we brought him over to the house under false pretense. And I said, dude, I got a plane ticket. Let's go to the airport. We'll go right now. I've seen intervention. I know how that shit goes. You don't be, you know, like. And he was like, I just wish I could have gone back to the house for a day. I'm like, to do what? More coke? Like, why am I letting you go? Go back to the house. But he was mad that I felt like. He felt like that, Beth. And I didn't give him a say in it, but I don't think he deserved a say. And we will disagree about this until the day he dies.

[Ryan Sickler]

Maybe not. Maybe when he's 45, he or a dad himself and might go through something. It might hit him where like, oh, I understand now.

[Josh Wolf]

You know, I did tell him, maybe I said, look, dude, and this is almost exactly what we were talking about. I said, when you're a parent, you'll understand. You're making decisions by the. At the seat of your. You fly at the seat of your pants. And you're just making decisions for what you think is best for your kid and fuck everything else.

[Ryan Sickler]

If you're a good parent, you're doing the best you can, right?

[Josh Wolf]

But your mom would have been like, where are you getting the coach?

[Ryan Sickler]

My mother, Like, I. I got something.

[Josh Wolf]

You're paying too much for your drugs.

[Ryan Sickler]

So now, how soon do you allow him to go back on the road with you then after he gets out?

[Josh Wolf]

He had to. So I told him, we have gigs. Let's talk after the 90 days.

[Ryan Sickler]

Because you said if he doesn't stay, he doesn't get to go back.

[Josh Wolf]

So. So I had told him, I go, let's talk after the 90 days and see if you're ready. But minimum 90 days.

[Ryan Sickler]

That he was supposed to be in the facility for 90 days, three months.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay, minimum days. And then if they're like, yeah, he's okay. The guy even said he was like, it might be a good idea for him to start doing some gigs and start getting regular, you know, and so. But I told him, I go, well, you have to. No gigs. You have to at least write out how long you were supposed to be in rehab. And so he had to drive. He did Ubereats and did all, you know, 12 hours a day in the car and all that. And he's always, dude, all my kids have always worked, worked.

[Ryan Sickler]

I've never handled 20 hour days. I don't know how the. He's doing it, man. He's doing uber eats. Got six jobs right now, kids working 28.

[Josh Wolf]

He's busted his but at least he's not doing code.

[Ryan Sickler]

I can't figure out how. Where he's getting all this energy, man, I want to be young again.

[Josh Wolf]

And those allergies are bad.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. I mean, man, I didn't know Vegas had a pollen problem at the desert. You know what I'm saying?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, dude, he's running to the house and back to the car. He's. They say he's the fastest delivery driver there.

[Ryan Sickler]

He's lost 20. Can't figure it out.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, dude, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, my God.

[Josh Wolf]

But he. Listen, man, to his credit, sober and to his credit, like, in the circles in Vegas with some of the comics that he was doing coke with, he doesn't go. He doesn't go do those mics with those people anymore.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you know those people?

[Josh Wolf]

Yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, can you step in and be the old dad? It says, guys, don't fucking give my kid coke. Or is that.

[Josh Wolf]

No, it was a very clear message. It was a very clear message afterwards. But, like, still, a drug. A drug dealer is not going to be like, well, your dad told me not to sell this to you, so that's not how they operate. I don't think they're like, yeah, fuck your dad. Let's do some coke. And, dude, it's very. I'm sure if he goes out with them and why he's not doing it, probably very tempting to think, I can do a bump.

[Ryan Sickler]

One bump, a bump, a sip, a puff.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. But one thing he would say is. And the reason he can't drink is because one tequila leads to coke. I never had that problem. I'm never much of a drinker anyways. But I tried coke. Trust me. I hung out with Joey and I tried it a bunch. I can remember two times. I had a good time and everything else. I'm like. It would make me sit in the corner and shut up. And I was like, these people all look like they're having fun.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's the opposite of what coke does.

[Josh Wolf]

Not me. I shut up. I didn't talk. All it made me do was. Made me want to tell people to stop talking and put more drugs on the table. And that wasn't fun, man. That's why the mushrooms and the weed and the acid and the ecstasy and.

[Ryan Sickler]

I added one, please add Academy and.

[Josh Wolf]

The ketamine, all that. Dude, I like that stuff. But it really made like. I don't. I've scaled so far back, the mushrooms is the one thing on Friday nights, and I was talking to him about it. I'm like, I don't know if I can do these shows anymore with you. You. And he was like, why not? And I said, because, dude, I can't be out here doing drugs publicly with my son who just got out of. And he was like, well, I'm not doing the drugs. I said, yeah, but it looks so irresponsible. And he. He was like, hey, those people. I. It's up to me whether you do mushrooms or not. If I want to do coke, I'm. I did it for two years without you knowing. I could go get it right now. You doing mushrooms has nothing to do with me doing coke. And he said, and you like it, dude. He was like, I don't want to take that from you. You like doing it. Don't let this. He's like, you got to push this guilt aside.

[Ryan Sickler]

But outside of tequila, that none of these things are a gateway for him to want to do coke.

[Josh Wolf]

Alcohol. Alcohol makes him want to do coke. As far as I know. And weed and Uber driving. No.

[Ryan Sickler]

All of it.

[Josh Wolf]

No. As far as I know. No, dude. And all, you know, Beth and I.

[Ryan Sickler]

Have you done a show together yet since. Or is that not happened yet? You have?

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

What was the first one you did together when he. After sober?

[Josh Wolf]

Well, we went to Australia, New Zealand.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, to do. He went with you for those years. Okay.

[Josh Wolf]

Because I also easy to just again one room, you know, and he's pretty fresh out of the house then, so it was a good place for me to be able to extend kind of a watchful eye for a couple weeks. And I have to say, man, he was so. I. I could notice a difference. Not coke Jacob. And he refers to cocaine Jacob as a. Like a different human.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's. What was different now, looking back, his focus.

[Josh Wolf]

His. His. Honestly, dude, like, compassion and empathy, all that had kind of gone off. Also, his hands were so sweaty and cold. He would. I. He stopped shaking my hand. He would just fist bump me, and it's splash. I was like, what's with that? Yeah. I was like, what's with the cold, clammy hands, bro?

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you shadow boxing over there in the corner for an hour before we touch up here?

[Josh Wolf]

I was like, why is this so cold and clammy? But. But yeah, it was like back to him. And the mood wasn't as up and down, but sober him. And he did say he was like, you know, I. I would on my Monday nights, I do a residency in Vegas, right? He was like, every Monday, I was high on coke on Stage.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, he would do. He'd be performing with you on those as well?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you couldn't tell?

[Josh Wolf]

No.

[Ryan Sickler]

Progressive knows we all create validation.

[Josh Wolf]

Girl, you are not 37.

[Ryan Sickler]

I would have guessed 27.

[Josh Wolf]

You guys are too sweet. Sure. Dewy skin. Terrific. Is something wrong, Ned? Why would you ask?

[Progressive/LG XBoom Advertiser]

Just because. Today marks my 10th anniversary without a car accident or even a speeding ticket.

[Josh Wolf]

But. But somehow tonight's all about your skin care.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wow.

[Progressive/LG XBoom Advertiser]

With snapshot from Progressive, you can get a personalized rate based on how you drive.

[Ryan Sickler]

And that's all the validation you need.

[Progressive/LG XBoom Advertiser]

Progressive Casualty insurance company and affiliate snapshot not available in California from all agents. Surcharge possible for unseat driving. Stop settling for weak sound. It's time to level up your game and bring the boom. Hit the town with the ultra durable LG X Boom portable speaker and enjoy vibrant sound wherever you go. Elevate your listening experience to new heights because let's be real, your music deserves it. The future of sound is now with LG XBoom. And for a limited time, save [e-mail] with code Fall25. Bring the Boom X boom.

[Josh Wolf]

And that's the thing, dude. I think I was blind to it a little bit. I think because he's my son. So I last. I. The last thing I would think, because I would say to him, I remember saying to him, you're not doing coke, right? He's like, nah, don't believe what that dude just said. The long haired. He's talking about some other performers.

[Ryan Sickler]

Another Jacob.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, some other dude who just walked out.

[Ryan Sickler]

Two of us.

[Josh Wolf]

But, but, but, but he. Yeah, so I think he's. Honestly, dude, he's refocused in a. In a good way. He's so good on our podcast. He's so fucking funny now.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, he was great. The producer was a problem, but he was great. He was great.

[Josh Wolf]

She.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wait, I want to stay on.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

I want to stay on track because we go off the rails. I want to know, how about with Beth, like, how did she take all of this? And, and did she get upset with you that you take them out on the road or to cause any problems? Like what. What happened on her side of things?

[Josh Wolf]

She felt the same thing I felt. Not that she did.

[Ryan Sickler]

She didn't notice it either, though. She never once came to you like a think or never?

[Josh Wolf]

Well, to be fair, she didn't. She wasn't spending the facetime with him that I was, you know, and she felt equally responsible, just for different reasons. The one thing that she and I had multiple serious conversations about was just that she was like, you cannot do drugs anymore. You cannot do drugs around him. You can't do drugs on camera. You can't do that mushroom show. That's done for you. And for 90 days I was like, I agree. And then I was just like, but why this? The more I talk to people, they were like, it doesn't matter. You could be sober for the rest of your life. If he wants to go get coke, he's gonna get, go get coke. You being smoking weed is gonna have nothing to do with it. I had to hear that from so many different people in the sober world that they were like, it's a nice gesture. It's. It's very nice. But it has nothing to do with whether he's gonna be sober or not. So that was some. She was, she and I did not see eye to eye on that for. And I think she had to hear it from more people and she had to hear from me. When I was on mushrooms, I was like, hey.

[Ryan Sickler]

She's like, listen.

[Josh Wolf]

But it was like a life changing. I'm a better, I'm better. I'm a better person. I'm more clear headed. I'm not doing drugs the way I was. I make. Going sober for 90 days made me realize the amount of weed I was smoking and the amount of edibles I was taking.

[Ryan Sickler]

So let me ask you this way. You're smoking weed, you're taking edibles. What's a, what's a day for you? You're smoking weed and taking edibles at the same time, same day, or these.

[Josh Wolf]

I always fooled myself and was like, well, I'm not taking edibles till after 7 or smoking weed till after 7pm but after 7pm Dude, I was. No, I'm not Joey Diaz. But you know, 250 milligrams and two joints isn't like a little.

[Ryan Sickler]

But that's nightly.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

250 milligrams plus the joints.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Holy, dude. And then on Friday you throw shrooms on top of that.

[Josh Wolf]

That's right. Oh my God. That's right. Dude, that's right. That's right.

[Ryan Sickler]

Holy.

[Josh Wolf]

But, but performing on that much weed, you can. Yeah, that was not even like a. I didn't.

[Ryan Sickler]

So Friday night show Josh Wolf. When I get there and I sit in a seat and I'm looking up at Josh Wolf, he's already had at least two joints. 250 milligrams of edibles and how many.

[Josh Wolf]

Shrooms the Friday night show I'm probably smoking.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's an eight.

[Josh Wolf]

Three and a half grams. Three. Three and a half grams for the late show, the Friday show. I'm probably just smoking one joint. That's responsible. Yeah, I'm cutting it in hands.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm cutting it in hands.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm down 50% go on my, like. Yeah, I, I wanted to be responsible.

[Ryan Sickler]

For the first show.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, it was just to take the edge off.

[Ryan Sickler]

But man, I can't. I, I don't, I, I know me, I could not, I could not stay focused enough to have that show and perform. I know.

[Josh Wolf]

I found out, dude, that I had a strong, for many years, a strong dislike of myself. And all that weed was covering up. It just made me not feel and I stopped.

[Ryan Sickler]

Really. It's, it's interesting because weed makes me feel so much.

[Josh Wolf]

Did. Made me not feel. Dude, can I tell you, a week.

[Ryan Sickler]

After, like when bad goes down, I can't smoke it like I normally smoke it because all it does is make me feel really.

[Josh Wolf]

A week after it had come out of my system. This is no joke. For seven nights in a row in my dreams, I woke up weeping. Weeping, dude. Just like got just weeping. 20 years of emotions was just pouring out of me in my dreams. And I had a real, I had a real struggle with who I thought, if I thought I had been authentically me and who I was, who I'd betrayed myself to be through my comedy or just out dude, who's always happy all the time, that that person doesn't exist. And so if you see that person who's always happy all the time, he's miserable.

[Ryan Sickler]

Agreed.

[Josh Wolf]

He's miserable.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, comedians, you see us laughing clowns all the time. This is an hour. There's 23 of these. More reason today.

[Josh Wolf]

But so I, I had, I'd do some real work, man. You know, I had never maybe had always poo pooed therapy. I spoke to this woman who was like, you know, she kept talking about little Josh. You got to do some work on little Josh. You gotta get in there in your brain and tell him whatever he needs to hear because he's hurting. This is all your strong dislike for yourself is not just from right now. It started way back. And so I had to do some real work, man. And at the end of the work, I didn't have the desire to be high all the time. I just didn't. When I look at a joint now, it used to just be I'm smoking that whole fucking thing right now and I now it isn't it doesn't happen. And I do. Like, I feel things in a way that I had forgotten how to do. It has made me way better as a person. I honestly don't know if it's made me better as an artist, but.

[Ryan Sickler]

Because in my mind, it's not the top priority anyway.

[Josh Wolf]

No, but, but, but for a long time, I thought it was.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, I totally understand that. I mean, it's your job, it's your career. It's all that.

[Josh Wolf]

But, dude, the thing about our job, which is different than other people's jobs, is our job is us. Your job is Ryan Sickler, which is inherently selfish. So you. Right. So you get that wrapped up into what's in.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, I've said all the time, anyone that sets out to go chase a dream is. Is doing a selfish thing. And just by definition, it's yourself. You're leaving everything behind and you're going out to do this thing. And then once you start doing that thing, and then hopefully you get a little bit of success, you want more. So that's selfish. But now you've got a family, so you got to help everybody else with it while you're doing the selfish thing. So now it's time to be unselfish. And it's a wild thing to fucking learn.

[Josh Wolf]

Beth would say all the time, especially if I was on the road for extended period. When you. When you come home, I don't work for you. I know out there, you make every decision on your own without anybody else's input. That is not how shit goes here. There's a house full of people. You don't get to just get up and go or make decisions or tell me I'm not working the green room. Do you know what I mean? And so that was like, in our job also, what makes it more selfish is that and personal. Because your job is Ryan Sickler. The work you do is personal. So when it's rejected, it's not just rejected professionally, it's reject it. It's. You feel it personally because you're like, oh, that's. Wait a second. I'm authentically me. And they didn't like that. That is a fucking difficult pill to swallow. So that's one of the reasons I, you know, I think artists put up masks for a long time. The fear is to be authentic and to fail means that is so fucking personal. But because I had lied, I think to myself for so many years about being authentic, I hated myself for it.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you're better now. You feel good now? Yeah, dude, you feel good with Jacob where you guys are and you and Beth?

[Josh Wolf]

Let me tell you something. This is. I know, a little thing, but for so long, dude, I. I colored my beard. I was so worried about what other people thought. This is as gray as. Now this. It's so funny. The mustache hasn't gone gray.

[Ryan Sickler]

I know. Look at mine too. Like, it's weird. It's like. Yeah, it looks like almost like a. Like a diet.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Underneath. I'm just letting it go.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

But I dyed my hair over a long time too. Now it wasn't because I hated myself. It was that I hated the way I looked because the way I started to go gray was just the sides. Reed Richards, like, Paulie Walnuts. And I was like, oh, we can't be rocking it. And this was dark. Like, still vibe. Eyebrows are still dark.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I was like, nah, it's not just for men. That. And then I would always get a buzz. So I'm like, as soon as it starts to even out. And as soon as it did, I was like, now we're just letting it go.

[Josh Wolf]

Dude, this was a big. I just got back from Greece. This was a big vacation for me. No hat the entire vacation.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, that stuff good. I. It's surprising to me too, because you're how old now?

[Josh Wolf]

55.

[Ryan Sickler]

You got a full head of hair. You got good hair, but you cover it the up up. And you're lucky you have it because you cover it up.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, yeah, dude. I, I. But it's been something. Whenever I would look in the mirror.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, you take it off, you see, like, Dwight Yocum. First time I saw that without his hat, I was like, oh, hell no. It's all.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. What?

[Ryan Sickler]

It's his hair right here.

[Josh Wolf]

No, for me, I can't stop. You know, we all have our things. I couldn't stop looking at my forehead. And I was like this. And I would just be so self conscious, but I'm out of. I told Beth. I was like, I'm gonna ease into the no hat professionally tonight. If I hadn't just hopped off a plane, this would have been a. It's kind of up right now, but it's.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's been under a hat.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. And it's greasy as right now, but.

[Ryan Sickler]

It'S a lot of it.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, dude, but look at that forehead. You know, my mom used to tell me what that means. You got a lot of brains. And I was like, oh, that means I got a big forehead.

[Ryan Sickler]

That means my mom agrees.

[Josh Wolf]

But. But all of that stuff dude is how I can tell that. I mean, when Beth used to post pictures, I'd be like, color in my beard. Color my beard. And now I'm like, I don't give a fuck. I just want to be with you, and I want to be having fun. And so these are little things that don't seem like the beard to other people doesn't seem like a big deal. It's part of the mask that I always wore. And so to slowly be able to take off the mask and just has felt amazing. Amazing. Amazing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, I'm happy for you, brother. Thank you for doing this. I know that wasn't easy to come on and talk about.

[Josh Wolf]

No, man, it's. It's. But like I said, I. It was the. One of the most challenging things that I've ever as, especially as a parent. But it really has led to. It led to me waking up emotionally and in life.

[Ryan Sickler]

Good.

[Josh Wolf]

In a way that I didn't. I don't think I would have.

[Ryan Sickler]

So, brother, thank you, as always.

[Josh Wolf]

Thank you, dude.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right there. Promote everything you'd like again, Please watch.

[Josh Wolf]

My special on my YouTube channel. It's called the Campfire Special. It is, honestly. And the song. I know when people hear songs, I'm not Sandler. I'm not Weird Al. Those guys are actually good musicians. I don't. People ask me all the time, why don't you plug your guitar in? Because when you plug it in, I find you can really hear what it sounds like. So I just play it next to the microphone. Yeah, but some of my songs are only 17 seconds long. I use them for punchlines. One thing, it's been a different type of writing for me. Some of my songs, if I hit a punchline that I can't beat, the song is over. I'm not. I'm not a folk singer.

[Ryan Sickler]

Jingle.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, I'm just writing jingle. I'm writing jokes. And I'll tell you something else. It's done. It's like, you know, like cartoons, animated. They can get away with saying whatever they want. I find the jokes that I write in the songs are so, so much edgier. My songs push the envelope so much more than my stories that I fucking love it. Like, some of them are really. There's a couple. Like, I wrote a couple Michael J. Fox jokes in the song that I wouldn't have put in a story, but in the song, Dude. So I. The Campfire Special, it's got two of my favorite stories also that I've ever told. One about going, waiting out overnight for concert for the first time when I'm 16.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And one about my older brother who used to fart in my mouth. That story. One of my favorites. One of my favorites. But the songs are amazing. Comedian Josh Wolf.com for tour dates and the hey man podcast, which is turned into Generation Wolf. That I do with Jacob. We'll have you back.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'd love to come back. I'd love to go through my whole entire childhood trauma again for two straight hours. No problem, man. That would be great. That'd be great.

[Josh Wolf]

But it was amazing doing it. I. I thank you so much for always having me on, man.

[Ryan Sickler]

Of course.

[Josh Wolf]

I love coming in here and talking.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you for doing it.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, dude.

[Ryan Sickler]

The campfire special. Go watch it on Josh Wolf's YouTube. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to y' all next week.

[Progressive/LG XBoom Advertiser]

Progressive knows we all crave validation.

[Josh Wolf]

Girl, you are not 37.

[Ryan Sickler]

I would have guessed 27.

[Josh Wolf]

You guys are too sweet. Sure. Dewy skin. Terrific. Is something wrong, Ned? Why would you ask?

[Progressive/LG XBoom Advertiser]

Just because Today marks my 10th anniversary without a car accident or even a speeding ticket, but somehow. Now tonight's all about your skin care.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wow.

[Progressive/LG XBoom Advertiser]

With snapshot from Progressive, you can get a personalized rate based on how you drive.

[Ryan Sickler]

And that's all the validation you need.

[Progressive/LG XBoom Advertiser]

Progressive Casualty Insurance company and affiliate snapshot.

[Josh Wolf]

Not available in California from all agents.

[Progressive/LG XBoom Advertiser]

Surcharge possible for unsafe driving. Stop settling for weak sound. It's time to level up your game and bring the boom. Hit the town with the ultra durable LG X Boom portable speaker and enjoy vibrant sound wherever you go. Elevate your listening experience to new heights because, let's be real, your music deserves it. The future of sound is now with LG Xboom. And for a limited time, save [e-mail] with code fall25. Bring the boom. Xboom.