Beth Stelling (3:37)

Thanks for having me back. It's so good to be here again.

Ryan Sickler (3:40)

It's great to have you here. Best selling.

Beth Stelling (3:42)

Thank you.

Ryan Sickler (3:42)

One of my. You are genuinely one of my favorites.

Beth Stelling (3:44)

Ditto.

Ryan Sickler (3:45)

And I love sitting here talking to you off the mic.

Beth Stelling (3:48)

I know.

Ryan Sickler (3:48)

But now we're going to be on it, so we're going to get into some stuff. But before we do, please plug everything you like. Tell me about your new special. All of it.

Beth Stelling (3:56)

New short little special called the Landlord Special, which is about my landlords, my ex landlords. It's on Veeps July 2nd for a month. You can get it there forever. My website is bethstelling.com for all my tour dates. I have some dates in Toronto, Pittsburgh, then I'm in Vermont, Vermont, Rhode Island, North Carolina. I'm going to a couple places for the first time. Anyway. Bethstelling.com.

Ryan Sickler (4:25)

What are you on Instagram? Bethstelling?

Beth Stelling (4:27)

Yep. And I have two specials on Netflix. I have an HBO Max special. And then, I don't know, there's YouTube crap, but some of it's my hell.

Ryan Sickler (4:37)

Did you ever call a special or anything the White Tisha Campbell, or is that just in your social headings? Did you ever do that?

Beth Stelling (4:44)

I never called it that.

Ryan Sickler (4:46)

You know, she does comedy. Is there. Have you two ever been at the same.

Beth Stelling (4:49)

No, dude, that was a little suspicious. No, I love her. I mean, she's such a great talent. I actually haven't seen her at A show or seen her stand up, but, yeah, she's the best. Such an amazing actor. No, it was, like, in a bit for a while, just because it really, as, you know, it really happened because I was walking on Hollywood Boulevard and somebody was like, hey, you know who you look like? And then I said, gina from Martin. And he goes, dale. But it all started with Brian Babylon, who was a Chicago comic who used to call me the white T shirt.

Ryan Sickler (5:25)

Oh, he's the one that actually said it.

Beth Stelling (5:26)

He started.

Ryan Sickler (5:27)

Okay.

Beth Stelling (5:27)

Yeah, I don't think I ever would have done that myself.

Ryan Sickler (5:31)

Well, I. I want to catch up with. No, you can't give yourself a nickname. You can't. If you did, I would. No, we'd be like, no, you're not.

Beth Stelling (5:37)

No.

Ryan Sickler (5:37)

Somebody else says, like, okay, I guess I see it. Well, one of your last episodes was we got a little bit into growing up and your dad and the raccoons and all that.

Beth Stelling (5:51)

Right.

Ryan Sickler (5:51)

But out there, you started to tell me a little more that we didn't get into.

Beth Stelling (5:54)

Well, to your point of what you kind of said right at the intro, which is like, there is the story behind the standup. Like, there's certainly things that are too dark to be talking about on stage. I mean, you could argue nothing's too dark. You can make anything funny. But it is very difficult to make dark things funny. And I've. I personally feel like it took me a long time to make certain things that have happened to me funny. And it was like, such trial and tribulation. And honestly, there were times where I was like, I don't even know if this is good for me to try to make this funny. But with my dad, I haven't really. There's, like. In the special, of course, people. People bring it up, talk about it. In my last Netflix special called if youf Didn't Want Me Then that's the hour special versus the half hour that's on there. I talk about my dad, my parents being divorced, my dad moving down to Orlando from where originally we were in Dayton, Ohio, which is where my mom is and where we grew up. But we would go down to Orlando because it was court ordered, and our visitations were me and my sisters going to visit my dad and his new wife. And one of the jokes in that special is he moved down there to be an actor, which is not where you go.

Ryan Sickler (7:06)

Not at all.

Beth Stelling (7:07)

But, yeah, he ended up doing all kinds of OD jobs, and we would, like, go on car rides with him to do leads. I don't know if you remember that, where if you're checking out a. At a register, you would fill out a little lead and put it in a box to try to win something or put your business card in there. He was the one who like picked up all the leads and I think it got paid. Paid per lead is what it was called.

Ryan Sickler (7:26)

So he never really had a career. It sounds like it's more just job to job. Or did he.

Beth Stelling (7:31)

This is the part where you go.

Ryan Sickler (7:33)

And can I also ask one other question? Why is he in Orlando and why are you court or why do you have to go?

Beth Stelling (7:39)

Because I guess custody. It was the part of the custody battle and he.

Ryan Sickler (7:44)

So he did want you to see.

Beth Stelling (7:45)

You at least very much. My dad was always very effusive with love, probably over effusive, and took a lot of credit for things when we were little and very vocal about that. Like, I used to do this for you and I used to do. You know, I don't even know where to start because in one way I want to say he's struggled with mental illness. And at that time it was in the 80s and not really well addressed. You know, there wasn't those commercials on TV that are like, are you sad, little bouncing head?

Ryan Sickler (8:16)

You know, was he in the military or anything?

Beth Stelling (8:18)

He was a teacher.

Ryan Sickler (8:19)

Okay.

Beth Stelling (8:19)

So he grew up in Romney, West Virginia and India. His dad, my grandpa, was a doctor and a missionary. So he. I think he grew up there until age 9 in Rancho Chantilla, under Pradesh. And so I grew up eating for my grandmother the most amazing Indian food. You did Southern Indian food? Yeah. So I'm like a first grader in Ohio that's like, what's my favorite food?

Ryan Sickler (8:43)

Rice and cheese. Gina over here eating Indian food, man. You're all kinds of diverse for a white girl.

Beth Stelling (8:49)

And so, yeah, I guess I'm just like, where to even start? It was when I was three. I don't have a ton of memories. I remember some stuff from going over to my grandma's at the time. But. But.

Ryan Sickler (9:01)

And that's his mom.

Beth Stelling (9:02)

That's his mom. She was in, in the Dayton area as well.

Ryan Sickler (9:05)

And was she good to you? Was she a good grandma?

Beth Stelling (9:07)

Yeah, yeah.

Ryan Sickler (9:08)

And I'm sorry, are you older or your sister?

Beth Stelling (9:10)

I'm the youngest of three girls.

Ryan Sickler (9:11)

Oh, three girls?

Beth Stelling (9:12)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (9:12)

Okay. Is the third. Is the. Well, you said the oldest then not dads?

Beth Stelling (9:18)

No, we're all from the same parents.

Ryan Sickler (9:19)

So why don't only two of you have to go down?

Beth Stelling (9:21)

No, all of us. Oh, I, I think I said me and my two older sisters. Yeah, okay. Sorry.

Ryan Sickler (9:27)

No, no, no.

Beth Stelling (9:28)

I'm doing a bad job of taking you through.

Ryan Sickler (9:29)

No, you're not. I'm. I'm just trying to figure out.

Beth Stelling (9:31)

Yeah, so, okay. Essentially, probably the darkest part of the story would be when we were young, my parents were having issues. My oldest sisters have their own memories of that. Cause they're older than me. Of fighting, of my dad struggling with mental illness, as in, you know, manic episodes, a lot of purchases being made, a lot of crying. And at the time, you know, there was a story that he was telling himself, which was that my mom was cheating on him. Also, my mom was never really made to feel very valuable because his dad was very traditional and religious. So my grandmother on my dad's side was really sort of in service to my grandpa. And she was lovely and such a great grandmother and very caring. But, yeah, I don't know if she really had a ton of independence or autonomy. And so my mom often felt inadequate in that way. She was a music teacher. My dad was a gym teacher. They met in college in Ohio. And so they're married. They have their first two girls. My dad is struggling with mental illness. He's not really happy at his job as a teacher. My mom is doing her best with, you know, two girls, me on the way, also teaching. And eventually he made a plan to kill my mom and kidnap us. Because his parents, during that time of him going through so much, just left town and moved to Orlando. So they kind of bounced.

Ryan Sickler (11:02)

So his parents bounced on him during his mental episodes. Yes, I see there.

Beth Stelling (11:08)

And his dad was very judgmental of.

Ryan Sickler (11:09)

My mom already at this point. Because your sisters are born and you're on the way.

Beth Stelling (11:13)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (11:13)

And they still bounced.

Beth Stelling (11:14)

Yeah. I mean, it was pretty chaotic with my dad. And he had troubles for many years, even in college. I think his dad got him out of certain things, and he hit my grandpa on that side, I do believe is evil. Like, I think he did a lot of things that were really bad in the name of. Also, like. Like, I don't know. I. I would argue that probably being a missionary and going to India, I mean, I don't know how it worked, but I understand the intention would be good to get to bring people the healthcare in small towns, but also under the terms of, you know, making Jesus your Lord. I don't know how good that is.

Ryan Sickler (11:53)

Y' all want healthcare?

Beth Stelling (11:54)

Yeah. This book right here, Just flip through that, fill it out.

Ryan Sickler (12:00)

Believe it. Believe everything it says. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Beth Stelling (12:04)

So, yeah. He's very judgmental of my mom. I just, you know, kids can pick up a sense and. I don't know. I was never really close with him.

Ryan Sickler (12:11)

No doubt.

Beth Stelling (12:12)

He was very supportive of getting my dad out of things that maybe he shouldn't have been getting out of. He would prescribe him pills to his own son.

Ryan Sickler (12:19)

Oh, shit.

Beth Stelling (12:20)

Again, I don't think he was giving him the proper medication for manic depression or bipolar at the time. So that created even more chaos at home.

Ryan Sickler (12:28)

And how old was your dad at this time? Is he in his 20s, 30s at this point? You think when you were born.

Beth Stelling (12:34)

He was born in 50s? Yeah. 30s, 30s. Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (12:38)

And he's a young man. I mean.

Beth Stelling (12:39)

Yeah. And my mom and him are about the same age also. When I was little, I found him because he tried to kill himself several times. So. With some of those pills that my grandpa was prescribing him.

Ryan Sickler (12:51)

How old are you?

Beth Stelling (12:52)

I'm three. And I don't really remember that exactly, you know.

Ryan Sickler (12:55)

But they told you.

Beth Stelling (12:56)

My mom did tell me that I did, yeah. At one point in time. Did save his life. I do remember going to the hospital because we go to Kroger and get a fruit basket like that cellophane. Like I have memories of certain things and take that to the hospital. So we visited him. But, yeah, my mom said she just heard my little. Coming up the stairs and I pulled on her and I said, dad. And then she went down to the kitchen and found him and was able to get him to the hospital in time.

Ryan Sickler (13:22)

But he had tried to multiple times he's tried to do something like that.

Beth Stelling (13:25)

Yeah. So I think that was. Yeah. And also there's some stuff that's like. It's just. There's so much. Right. I'm just like. But I can only say really my side of it. I know more now about what my sister's experience. Like that there was arguing or that he was crying a lot in their beds. That was very uncomfortable, you know, like coming and just laying in there.

Ryan Sickler (13:43)

And your father figure. You're the. The person that makes you.

Beth Stelling (13:47)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (13:47)

That doesn't make you feel safe. Doesn't make you feel. That would scare the fuck out of me.

Beth Stelling (13:51)

Right. Big purchases. Like.

Ryan Sickler (13:53)

Here's the other thing. I want to say this because I hear your heart and I hear you making excuses for him. And I want to say this because this. I'll. I'll be the person that says this. I know we all worry about mental health for other people and everything, but what does go often overlooked Is. Look, at some point, it becomes like, listen, I. I'm a. I'm a teacher. I've got three kids here. Like, we can't. I can't do this. And it becomes this cold thing where it's like, we gotta let you go.

Beth Stelling (14:24)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (14:24)

It sounds like his parents, maybe even Matt. Matt's a little different story. You're also prescribing your son, and you might feel some guilt you that up, too, but. But for a mom with three kids, it's like, listen, I'm trying to love you here, bro. And we're trying to do everything we can, but I've got these three kids, this job. You know, you just keep trying to kill yourself. Like, nobody really talks about the toll it takes on the people.

Beth Stelling (14:45)

It's true.

Ryan Sickler (14:45)

We're trying to help the people.

Beth Stelling (14:46)

It's true.

Ryan Sickler (14:47)

Need to help.

Beth Stelling (14:48)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (14:48)

So I hear what you're saying and everything, but there are. There's only so many excuses you can make for somebody before they have to, you know.

Beth Stelling (14:56)

Yeah. And she was also dealing with his own, like, things. Judgments from him and his family. She's not a good wife. She doesn't cook enough. She's not. He was basically always telling her to lose weight. My mom actually never was a bigger person. Not like that would be bad if she was. But my mom never was fat. But he was always trying to get her to work out and sort of making her feel insecure about those things.

Ryan Sickler (15:16)

Was he doing those things?

Beth Stelling (15:17)

He. He. So during that time as a gym teacher, he was, like, talking about how unhappy he was. And so she was actually supportive of him quitting the job. And he got a job at the local gym at Morris Nautilus and was being a trainer there. She's trying to be as supportive as she could have that. And to your point of, you know, she had. My. My aunts and uncles on my mom's side were trying to be helpful and supportive because he. She's like, you're saying, dealing with a man who's crying, and then he's going off and buying a Jeep and taking the girls around it in the front seat. And, like, a lot of kind of, you know, wild things and behavior. And my mom had to pick up another job at the church. She was directing the primary choir, which is Little Kids Play.

Ryan Sickler (15:55)

I'm gonna say this. This sounds like Florida behavior. He was destined. He was destined for Florida. He was destined for Florida, girl.

Beth Stelling (16:03)

So my mom's getting these extra jobs to work at the church, and there was a guy who was working at the church that I'm sure took a liking to my mom. I'm sure had a crush on her. He's married as well, but. But my mom was taking comfort in him being a friend. She felt like he was somebody she could talk to. It's. It's a church, so he's the choir or musical director there. And they did become friends. And my mom explained to me that she did feel like it was somebody she could confide in, feel safe in, as a sounding board. Well, that's the person my dad felt my mom was cheating on. And when my dad tried to kill himself one time, he even visited the hospital. So did their mutual friends. My mom reminded me that. I guess I didn't know this. Of course, I was young. That I guess when that guy came, my dad's dad was very, like, upset that he came to visit because he's believing my dad's story, which is not really based in reality. The kicker is my mom did six years later marry that guy.

Ryan Sickler (17:00)

Oh.

Beth Stelling (17:01)

So that. That made it my. That sort of fortified my dad's beliefs all along.

Ryan Sickler (17:05)

I knew I was right.

Beth Stelling (17:06)

Yeah. But also, I have to. I trust my mom. I believe my mom. And it wouldn't matter if she cheated or not. She doesn't deserve to be murdered. But she didn't, you know, and again, I'm sure that there were feelings there or something, but my mom actually after. So I don't even know if I said that yet.

Ryan Sickler (17:23)

You didn't.

Beth Stelling (17:23)

Okay.

Ryan Sickler (17:24)

So I'm like, hold on. You just dropped Murdered in there. Sorry. It was. Yeah.

Beth Stelling (17:31)

I feel like. I feel like I'm doing a terrible job of explaining everything.

Ryan Sickler (17:34)

No, you just mentioned that they split. You go to Florida. Court order. But you don't say why.

Beth Stelling (17:40)

The reason I think I'm telling you all this stuff is because the night that. That happened, you know, my sister's old enough to.

Ryan Sickler (17:46)

What happened? You still talking about the.

Beth Stelling (17:49)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (17:49)

Suicide attempt? No, no.

Beth Stelling (17:51)

This is the night my dad did, like, basically his plan was to. To kill my mom because he basically. He wanted to move to Florida and take us down there. And my mom said, our life is here, you know, like, I don't want to move there. And he said, well, then I guess we'll have to get a divorce. And she said, okay. You know, and then that's when he basically tried to kill her.

Ryan Sickler (18:12)

What did he do? What was the plan?

Beth Stelling (18:14)

It was to kill her and then kidnap us and drive us down to Orlando. And my mom, my sister, heard everything.

Ryan Sickler (18:21)

Heard it. What do you mean?

Beth Stelling (18:23)

Well, I don't know if I really want to say the details. Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (18:26)

Does she overhear a call? I mean, like, how did you hear it?

Beth Stelling (18:28)

No, he was. He basically broke her skull and tried to suffocate her.

Ryan Sickler (18:36)

Your mom?

Beth Stelling (18:36)

Yeah. Oh. So my. My mom was in the hospital for three months.

Ryan Sickler (18:40)

Sister witnessed.

Beth Stelling (18:41)

Yeah. And then had my dad call 91 1. So 911 was at her house. I. That's something that's like a memory that for me as a first grader, like, I drew. I. In class, I drew a stretcher with blood coming off of it.

Ryan Sickler (18:54)

You did?

Beth Stelling (18:54)

Yeah. Because the thing was, though, if the memory serves me right, and again, this is me as a three year old also.

Ryan Sickler (19:00)

The memory is the memory. That's what you process.

Beth Stelling (19:03)

Well, my mom was. Because we had such a small house, my mom was. They couldn't get a stretcher to turn, so they had her head wrapped because her skull was broken. And we're taking her in a wheelchair down our stairs. I remember that, or at least I think I do. And so in those following days, my mom's sisters came and, like, cleaned up the house and we moved in with our grandparents, my mom's grandparents.

Ryan Sickler (19:28)

Is your dad arrested at this point? Yeah, for obviously. Is it attempted murder? Is that what they do? Give him. How in the fuck is any judge sending kids to this man?

Beth Stelling (19:38)

Well, that's kind of the point where I get to my grandpa and how I do feel like he is evil. And a lot of the men on that side of the family are not great people because with money and power, he was able to help my dad out, I think, get the best lawyers. Also, my mom didn't press charges and she didn't serve divorce papers. That's kind of like the whole point. My mom was always very supportive of him getting the help he needed. She was? Yeah. I'm not saying she was like, yeah, I really want to be with this guy. But she wasn't the one and wasn't really planning. She. She wanted to get him the help he needed. And my dad served the divorce papers. His dad was very helpful.

Ryan Sickler (20:14)

Say he tore him up.

Beth Stelling (20:15)

No.

Ryan Sickler (20:16)

Oh, he served them.

Beth Stelling (20:17)

My dad served my mom, served her. Yeah. So it just. His story is not based in reality. And I think that some of his sisters were, you know, of course, on his side in a lot of ways.

Ryan Sickler (20:28)

Even after putting physical hands on your mom?

Beth Stelling (20:32)

I think his sisters never really liked.

Ryan Sickler (20:34)

My mom, but, I mean, good God. Who wants to see? So he. I mean, listen, he really did try to Kill your mom. You talk about a skull fracture. Maybe one or two more hits. It could have been. That's what I'm saying.

Beth Stelling (20:45)

Oh, yeah. I mean, we're very lucky that my mom is okay. Like, I don't know. My life would never be the same. Do you know, I always thought it was three months, but again, you know, in your time as a kid, and I think my mom might have said it would have been. As she was healing, we were. I was away from my mom as a three year old. We had to live with our grandparents, who I love. They've passed her parents. Yeah. But they were very like my dad or my. My mom's grandpa was like a World War II vet and he never saw combat. He was in the Aleutian Islands, but very strict, lived through the Depression, like, so it wasn't exactly like. It felt like that's sort of like. In fact, a bit of the genesis of my OCD is I felt like I couldn't really mess anything up or touch anything and I didn't really feel safe without my mom and. But again, they're good people and we were safe and cared for. But my grandpa was very strict. So that's just sort of like. It was like a traumatic time away from my mom at that age.

Ryan Sickler (21:37)

Yeah.

Beth Stelling (21:37)

And we had to be in such like rigid. A rigid system.

Ryan Sickler (21:41)

Like, you know, it's also a scary time. She's not gone for work somewhere for a few months. We know she's in the hospital and.

Beth Stelling (21:48)

My sisters know more than me. They can process it. I think there were nine and seven.

Ryan Sickler (21:52)

I was gonna say. Okay, nine, seven, nine, seven and three.

Beth Stelling (21:55)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (21:56)

So how. When do you eventually go back?

Beth Stelling (21:58)

So, yeah, I don't know the exact time that my mom was in the hospital. I know she was able to recover eventually. Thank. Thank goodness she struggled. The only thing I remember as a kid was migraines for her. But thankfully she was. Had function, you know, cognitively and motor skills and everything like that. Um, but yeah, there are some like, you know, those first Christmas back together. I think she's still like a little bruised. And those, those are photos that like my grandma would explain to me later, like why my mom had short hair because they had to, you know.

Ryan Sickler (22:30)

Yeah. Yeah.

Beth Stelling (22:31)

And that's not stuff I would have understood and kind of. So in that period of time, my dad's dad is. Really came through legally, monetarily, got him out of the mental hospital he didn't want to be in.

Ryan Sickler (22:43)

So first.

Beth Stelling (22:44)

And because my mom didn't press charges he was released from jail and he promised the system that they would be the overseers of our visits. And that, again, this is, like, my perspective, what I've gathered over the years, 80s, 1990s.

Ryan Sickler (22:59)

It's crazy to think that even. Because I know today the law is different. I know today that if a lady says, I'm not going to press charges, the city will. I know in Santa Monica that to be a fact. So if. If you were to say, no, I don't want to. The city says, we'll do it. And the reason they do it is because so many women fear for their life. And they're like, if I do, this guy's going to fucking come back and kill me.

Beth Stelling (23:20)

Exactly.

Ryan Sickler (23:20)

And they. They believe that women say no strictly in fear. So the city then prosecutes against the person so you don't have to do it. It's like, hey, you hit me. I said, no, they're doing it. So then you're not the bad guy. They are.

Beth Stelling (23:36)

Yeah. You know, so whatever. It was my. Like, I don't. I don't know.

Ryan Sickler (23:43)

You could. You could crush someone's skull and still be let out of jail.

Beth Stelling (23:47)

I know.

Ryan Sickler (23:48)

And so then he goes to a mental hospital. Is that what you say?

Beth Stelling (23:50)

Yeah, I guess that was brief because I remember him complaining about that, even to me as a child. Yeah. How bad it was and all these things. And I'm like, there's so much nuts that happened there. But, yeah, we had to go see him every other holiday and a whole month in the summer that was starting at age six for me. So there was time there. If I'm from three to six, I don't really see him for about three years. So stuff was probably being litigated. My mom was healing. My mom had to try to get back to work. My mom was honored as, like, into the hall of fame of her school, like Kettering City Schools. And in her speech, it made me sob because I didn't know, like, her going back to school was a big deal. Somebody believing in her to get her work again so she could provide for us after that incident. And she just credited her principal and how grateful she was for, you know, having them welcome her back into the school system. And she contributed so much as a music teacher there. And she still teaches now in her retirement. She teaches piano.

Ryan Sickler (24:48)

Yeah, all good.

Beth Stelling (24:50)

But anyway, it's like us having to go down there and all my dad's little weird jobs, like, as a kid. And also he's remarried at this point to this lady to this person who's an alcoholic, and she's kind of, like, wild. Right. She's like a radio dj, and we're, like, in bars, and her motto in life is next page, and she's drinking a lot. And my dad is standing on the street. He's doing his sign spinning thing. I think we've talked about this, but it's his own business. He's doing the leads. He was a. I had talked about this in another special. He was a pirate at Pirates Cove mini puppet golf course.

Ryan Sickler (25:25)

I do remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Beth Stelling (25:27)

I feel like I'm not being funny on this podcast at all. And I don't really. This is kind of to the point of, like, I've made a lot of this funny, and now you're sort of.

Ryan Sickler (25:35)

Let them go watch the funny and we'll talk about.

Beth Stelling (25:38)

Yeah, I feel like. I feel like this needed me. As I'm explaining, I'm like, this is boring.

Ryan Sickler (25:42)

It's not at all. I am riveted right now. I'm just like, I can't believe your dad tried to kill your mom. And now he's in Orlando where his family ran from him. Now he's down there, and the court's making you guys.

Beth Stelling (25:53)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (25:53)

Go be around this man with another man who bailed him out of all.

Beth Stelling (25:57)

Of it a lot, Even back to college when my mom had told me one time, I guess my dad plagiarized a paper and he got in trouble, and his dad got him out of that. And I think it's like, that's. Look, we don't. I don't need to go on a tangent about accountability, but our culture doesn't. We just don't live in a culture of accountability. And if we did, we would be really open to saying, you know what? I messed up, and then I'll pay the price. And if it was I messed up, and I'll pay the price. And then I was welcomed back because I did what I needed to do to understand what was wrong. It would be in a different culture.

Ryan Sickler (26:30)

Well, also, when you constantly bail your kids out.

Beth Stelling (26:33)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (26:34)

Over and over again, it doesn't surprise me that.

Beth Stelling (26:37)

No.

Ryan Sickler (26:37)

They just tried to kill somebody.

Beth Stelling (26:39)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (26:39)

You know what I mean? You've been bailing this out forever. He's never had to deal with consequences. He's never had to be accountable.

Beth Stelling (26:46)

And it feels like. Like, I'm. I've talked. Like, I mentioned this to you before. I've done plenty of podcasts in my comedy career. I've tried to make things that have happened to me in my childhood. Funny, those visits where we had to go down there. And I'll. I'll get into that more. But there is that part of me that's like, it's not a family secret. People in our community absolutely knew about it. Church was like, the church folks at this. I'll get into this more later, because that's a whole nother thing. But at the same time of them providing, like, showing up with meals and clothes for us as kids. Also very judgmental to the point where, you know, I remember this is another very sad line. My middle sister said something like, mom, do they like us here? You know, like, not knowing, because there was that sort of tumultuousness with my dad's storyline of my mother cheating and then them later, six years later, marrying. Anyway, I'll get to that later. In the meantime, we're going down there. My dad has all these jobs. Even it took me a really long time to realize why my dad has all these jobs. Like. Like, I was like, he's wild, you know, and it's like, well, he's a felon, so he can't get a job and he does. He's not allowed to teach anymore. But that's not something you like in the same way. Like, there's just stuff that you don't understand as a kid that you later.

Ryan Sickler (27:56)

Go, oh, that's why my dad's.

Beth Stelling (27:58)

That's why you're a pirate. Yeah, that's why we're putting for free. And, like, you know, again, I'm not saying people don't deserve second chances or something like that, but it was kind of wild. And I. My mom's fortitude is insane to take three little girls to the airport. I mean, she would spray her perfume on my little bunny so I can sleep with it.

Ryan Sickler (28:19)

You're killing me.

Beth Stelling (28:19)

You know what I mean?

Ryan Sickler (28:20)

I can't imagine putting on a girl by themselves.

Beth Stelling (28:23)

Yeah, I would. My sisters also, if there was two seats in one, they always made me sit in the one.

Ryan Sickler (28:28)

Did they really? You had to be the one because I was annoying. Yeah.

Beth Stelling (28:31)

But then I would make friends with that person, or so I thought. But, yeah, so we're going down there. I've talked about this recently. This is all coming to light because it's like, I have so many stories about my dad, so many wild stories, and what I was able to make sense of and make fun of and all of those things, because I do feel like ultimately things that have harmed me, confused me. I don't know. Fascinated me. I do find power in making somebody laugh about it. Like I do get something out of that. It's probably, you know, to be cheesy, probably healing in some way. Probably taking my power back in some way to be like, let me make you laugh. Yeah, like an old joke where I was like, my dad always chose my stepmother over me and my sisters. And I get it, she gave him head and all we had were questions, you know what I mean? So it's just sort of like I've always been able to try to make those things funny. And ultimately our visits down there were sort of like. She would be like, let's take you on a shopping spree. And then we're like, whoa. Like those early days, they would have to come up to Ohio before we were allowed to go. So there was some transition happening. It wasn't just like throwing us on a plane. But it wasn't really enough. We had court ordered therapy. So we were. And who I, Dr. Pam, like for sure helps my mom in a huge way. Helped me and my sisters in a way. And years later when that's fucking signs.

Ryan Sickler (29:49)

And put but pirate and shit going to any goddamn therapy.

Beth Stelling (29:52)

Exactly.

Ryan Sickler (29:53)

Yeah.

Beth Stelling (29:54)

He's married, an alcoholic whose motto in life is next page.

Ryan Sickler (29:57)

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Beth Stelling (31:12)

All.

Ryan Sickler (31:13)

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Beth Stelling (33:18)

So he's coming up and had to go to some sessions with us and all he wants is time with us and to see us and why can't we come visit and I'll take you to Disney and you know, all this fun stuff. My mom's here in Ohio, like working, you know, at the church, still at school as a teacher and being like, yeah, I'll send you down to Orlando to go to Disney World, you know, like. But she never, that's the thing, she never really. She never said Terrible things. She did her best to just stay on her side of the street and be our mom and be there for us and. And listen. But that's so complicated. You know. And I think we're all going something.

Ryan Sickler (33:54)

Especially after someone who tried to kill you.

Beth Stelling (33:58)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (33:58)

Like it's complicated to have a family split apart for whatever reasons.

Beth Stelling (34:03)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (34:04)

And still be mature and. And co parent moving forward. To have to put the fact that this man put physical hands on you and try. Tried to kill you.

Beth Stelling (34:15)

Oh yeah.

Ryan Sickler (34:16)

He just was unsuccessful.

Beth Stelling (34:17)

And my sister like a lot of things. Yeah. I know.

Ryan Sickler (34:20)

Thank God. Thank God your dad wasn't good at his job.

Beth Stelling (34:24)

Exactly. For real.

Ryan Sickler (34:26)

And your mom has to be kind like that.

Beth Stelling (34:28)

And she was.

Ryan Sickler (34:29)

That's the one time you'd be like I understand this lady right now. Like this guy tried to kill her. It's not. He cheated or stole money or whatever. Like this man.

Beth Stelling (34:38)

And he did do that. He did. He left my mom in tons of credit card debt. Who.

Ryan Sickler (34:43)

Your mom's a fucking saint.

Beth Stelling (34:44)

But that's the thing. I'm always like, my mom is an angel. I remember like as a kid she would take naps after teaching because she was so tired and had to take me to daycare at like five before. And I would lay there just watching her chest go up and down because I was so scared I was going to lose her. I never want to, you know, scary that I was ever going to lose my mom again. So I had that fear and. But she has heart shaped nostrils. And I would just like stare there. Look watching her chest go up and down. I was like, I think my mom's an angel. She has heart shaped nostrils. But yeah. I'm like she had to have so much strength to get through that. And then I wonder sometimes too. It's like should she have said something bad? But like we had to go so it would have just scared us. Like it was all so many confusing feelings and we were all having different feelings at different ages for different reasons.

Ryan Sickler (35:29)

Our own confusing feelings. They go, am I sticking these kids on a plane to go see a man attraction?

Beth Stelling (35:35)

My sister till this. So I've had. I've had plenty of time. And then. And not to mention as diarrhea. Yeah. Not to mention as an adults, the choices we made because of what we went through. And we've all done that in different ways. My oldest sister very much overcorrected for what happened and is like that won't happen in my house. You do this, this or this, you're gone. Like she's very rigid and she's. She's with her high school sweetheart. Same guy pretty much her whole life. My middle sister. Different pattern. Several different kids from different guys. And sort of like there's a. That's a whole nother story in itself. And the reason we do the things we do. I genuinely don't judge my sister whatsoever. She's a great person. But we are me, as you probably are familiar. I've chosen abusive people in my life. So it's like just when you think, well, that I saw what happened, so I won't do that. Sometimes you're just a magnet being hurled at a fridge, being told not to stick, you know? And it's like, I'm headed for this, apparently. And I don't know why I chose what I. I've dated multiple alcoholics. I don't have. Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (36:29)

So I'm just sort of like any other sign flippers.

Beth Stelling (36:32)

No, but that's the confusing part to me because my dad doesn't do drugs or alcohol. Never has.

Ryan Sickler (36:38)

Is. That's. That's how you know that it's Is crazy.

Beth Stelling (36:42)

Yeah. But he's chosen this alcoholic. We're around him all the time. I've had.

Ryan Sickler (36:47)

So he doesn't drink with. It's not like he picked up drinking with her.

Beth Stelling (36:49)

No, no, no.

Ryan Sickler (36:50)

So he just maintained who he was the entire time.

Beth Stelling (36:53)

Found an alcoholic. And she. She did have money. Like, I don't. I don't think she's a rich person, but she had money. And he was. He was also doing his thing. But I think he gave her a lot of credit maybe for helping get us down there, but I also think our grandparents contributed to that. Anyway.

Ryan Sickler (37:09)

Are you seeing his parents?

Beth Stelling (37:10)

Yes.

Ryan Sickler (37:11)

When you're down there as well.

Beth Stelling (37:12)

Yeah. And. And one of his sisters, my Aunt Retta, was also really a stronghold for me down there because I would go to her art studio and paint. She was like. She was like a mother figure for me down there. I've had times in my life where my dad has done or said things to me that are awful as an adult. And I'm not. Talked to him for a while. My two older sisters haven't really done that. They still talk until recently, until this last time, that he was really weird to me in January. They've actually sort of in solidarity, not spoken to him. And I guess only recently did they. Because I've blocked his number, so I wouldn't know if he was trying to call. But they haven't. So they see that he's trying to call and won't pick up because we were just not sure what to do. And then I found relief in blocking it because I don't need to feel guilt because I don't see it, But. And I'll tell you about that story in a second. But my sister has found. Both of them have found relief in not picking up. And I guess over the last couple weeks, he's stopped trying. We did get one email from my stepmother, which I can read you in a bit after I explain the other story. But my sister lately has been. They're dealing with these feelings of like, man, we should have done this sooner. All at different points in our lives. We've all gone back to Dr. Pam, who was our court ordered therapist when you were children. Yeah. We've all found her number in some separate way to go back to her. So that is interesting.

Ryan Sickler (38:35)

Without telling each other, you were doing this. Yeah. Wow. And she never said, oh, I actually saw your sister spoke to you.

Beth Stelling (38:41)

Yes.

Ryan Sickler (38:41)

You can't.

Beth Stelling (38:42)

No.

Ryan Sickler (38:42)

Yeah.

Beth Stelling (38:43)

And my mom has, too, so. Because she knows her whole story. She knows everything. And at one point, I guess she said to my sister, like, I can't believe you have maintained a relationship with them this long. Like, you don't owe that person anything, you know? And I think my sister's feeling guilt for not reporting that we were being driven drunk as children by our stepmom. You know, I think she's feeling. And my mom is like, I can't believe I was sending you down to that. Because in the grand scheme of things, of course. I don't know, people can probably relate to this where I go, well, I wasn't getting molested. I didn't have cigarettes burned on me. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (39:20)

Yeah, right.

Beth Stelling (39:20)

But there were plenty of times where she could have killed. You know, she's drinking straight vodka and a red solo cup driving us.

Ryan Sickler (39:25)

Oh, shit. Literally drinking and drinking.

Beth Stelling (39:27)

Yeah. Because. Because my dad would take a sip and go, like, my sister saw him do that once. And so. And also we just, you know, she drank a lot. And those were my first stories in Stand up, was she took us. This is actually sort of thing I'm working into my newest hour, which is like, they would take us to Margaritaville. Huge kid spot and big kid spot. She would get drunk. And one of my earliest stories in standup was she picked up salt and was flicking it at me and my sisters and saying, just in case. I'm just trying to protect your father. Just in case you girls are vampires. And then as a 22 year old, the punchline was like, wrong seasoning, it's garlic, you know. But that was one of those stories I told. And eventually they got back to her and she did call me drunk one time and said she wasn't drinking anymore. And she's like, I'm not drinking anymore, so if you can stop talking about me on stage. And I did it. And because I'm me and I don't want to, like, I don't really want to upset anybody. I was like trying to make people laugh, sort through it. I did stop because there was a part of me too at 22 that was like, I want to be a comic. And. And I don't want her to be a part of any of my success. So I did. I stopped. And then in this new special that's coming out, I have one line about it a little bit, and then the new one I'm going to. In the. In the the Landlord special, there's a mention of her drinking because I also felt warranted going down there. In January, I was on the road opening for Sarah Silverman at the Hard Rock. We're talking about January of 2025. And my dad's never seen me do stand up in 18 years that I've done it. Part of that is my doing.

Ryan Sickler (41:02)

Okay.

Beth Stelling (41:03)

Because I didn't really want him there. I had gone to Florida a couple times and told him the show was canceled. But then I would visit him, say.

Ryan Sickler (41:11)

Hi, so you're seeing him.

Beth Stelling (41:13)

He's just not seeing him. I just didn't want him in the crowd, really. And this time I was like, fine. I don't know, you know. So he came, one of his sisters who I like. His. My aunt Rebecca and my aunt Retta, who I mentioned to you before. That was pivotal in my childhood down there feeling safe and loved.

Ryan Sickler (41:30)

So even though that's her brother and she knows what he did, she was still strong one for you.

Beth Stelling (41:35)

Retta was, yeah. And Rebecca too. I mean, Rebecca was also stuck in a lot of it. There's a lot of complicated stuff around there. One of his. He has a lot of siblings. Another one of them really didn't like my mom and continued up until like not long ago to believe that my mom cheated on him. And it's like, I don't know, there's some weirdness around that for sure. And there's so many complicated things because as an adult, stuff has happened also to my sisters that are. That it all sort of links back. And so, yeah, I was like, Sarah Knows a lot about my dad. And I was like, do you want him to come back? I don't, I don't really care. And she was like, I'm a little curious. So it she, you know, we had him come back. He gave Sarah his business card, kissed his. Kissed her hand. Wait, he kisses her hand? It's his business, his sign spinning business. He wanted to promote the show, but.

Ryan Sickler (42:30)

Lately he's wanting to sign spin the Sarah Silverman coming to Florida.

Beth Stelling (42:35)

Yes. And I just.

Ryan Sickler (42:37)

He's doing that for your special.

Beth Stelling (42:38)

He's been doing that for my specials. Which that's. These are part of the complicated feelings because it's like I have these stories, these are true stories. He used to feed raccoons. Like a bear came. Like we witnessed it all. It's funny also like, why does he do that? Animals don't give notes, you know, animals don't like talk about. It's a way for you. Yeah. So. And he's done that with a lot of animals and he, his own dog, he treats like a little human being. He's like almost. I'm pretty sure he's killed several winter dogs by feeding them lunch meat. They like get really sick. He thinks it's a treat anyway, but yeah, he brushes their teeth. He treats it like a little human being.

Ryan Sickler (43:15)

Yeah.

Beth Stelling (43:17)

Anyway, he's there he in, in the Times that he's not sign spinning for my special. He's been out there with a Trump sign which also is incongruent with some of his sister's beliefs. They don't like that. And but he is sort of that target demographic. You know, he watches Fox News, which has been proven to be a TV program. He kind of gets wrapped up in that and those talking points, me and my sisters are not someone who voted for Trump or would believe in those things. And in fact to us it's like very anti woman. You know, that is someone who's now as of late for sure doubled on convicted of rape. And I'm like just that is a kind of like a line in the sand for my sister recently to be like, you're out there with a Trump sign after everything you've done to women and you're supporting this man and our rights are being, you know, are at risk. It just feels incongruent and upsetting to have three daughters that you constantly say you're so proud of and then you're voting against their well being and rights.

Ryan Sickler (44:23)

I mean, he tried to kill your mom. Is anybody surprised?

Beth Stelling (44:26)

Right. And I think that's yeah. So he's out there with that sign. It upsets his sisters because they're like, that's weird.

Ryan Sickler (44:33)

But I'm sorry. So he alternates between Trump my special.

Beth Stelling (44:36)

In a Trump sign. Some of these Trump people are going to be watching. If you didn't want me then being like, who's this liberal feminist?

Ryan Sickler (44:46)

Oh my God.

Beth Stelling (44:47)

He's doing bit of a switcheroo really.

Ryan Sickler (44:55)

So. So if he loves Trump that much and he's still flipping your side, all that says is, I feel so guilty.

Beth Stelling (45:06)

I know.

Ryan Sickler (45:06)

Being there for my dog. At least I can do is spend some car, right? Is he good at it? Is he even good at it?

Beth Stelling (45:14)

I mean, he gets up on a ladder. It's not, it's. He does less sign spinning and more like yelling and saying things and there's less spinning. Really? I don't know how, I don't.

Ryan Sickler (45:23)

How old is he now?

Beth Stelling (45:24)

Got to be 74.

Ryan Sickler (45:26)

How many 74 year old sign flippers are out there?

Beth Stelling (45:29)

I don't know. He sometimes gets up on a ladder, which I guess is illegal in some parts of Orlando.

Ryan Sickler (45:32)

Okay.

Beth Stelling (45:33)

And.

Ryan Sickler (45:34)

Yeah, sorry.

Beth Stelling (45:35)

So no, you're fine. So I, I feel like I'm talking so much. The point is you're supposed to. Okay. I go down there in January.

Ryan Sickler (45:43)

Yes. Sarah, the business.

Beth Stelling (45:44)

We have this moment with Sarah. It actually is fine. It's kind of like a non event. His wife is there still. Yeah. So we've been told by our dad that she doesn't drink anymore. I agree to go to dinner with them and my aunts and their significant others the next night. So the following evening and she's in. My stepmother is in a back brace now. She's had a lot of health problems. They won't say cirrhosis, but it's like every symptom leading to cirrhosis. It would be like if I was sitting here with red dots all over my face and I was like, yeah, I don't know what it is. You know, it's like, well, you. And I'm itching. You're like, well, you very clearly have chickenpox. I was like, no, I don't. So it's like all the symptoms of cirrhosis. She has bands on her throat and.

Ryan Sickler (46:25)

Oh, really? Are they going to a doctor where it's been told to.

Beth Stelling (46:29)

Well, I guess they go to a. I think they go to. I forget what they said. My middle sister is actually an MP nurse practitioner, so this is no shade to NPs, but I think that's who they go To. And I don't know how much they share with. This is actually where it starts, is we're sitting at dinner. We go to Indian, of course, because it's everybody's favorite meal, and our grandmother has now passed, and so we don't get it. So we go to Indian. Everyone's there. I walk in. My dad has already given the waiter my business card, which he's made of me.

Ryan Sickler (46:58)

Wait, it's not even you.

Beth Stelling (46:59)

He gives out business cards of me that he's made. Yeah. Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (47:06)

Who the fuck does that?

Beth Stelling (47:07)

I don't know who.

Ryan Sickler (47:08)

He's still giving out business cards in 2020.

Beth Stelling (47:11)

And here's. Here's something he said to me, too. He's like, it gives me life's purpose. Is it okay if I still keep doing it now? I haven't talked to him in a really long time because I blocked his number after.

Ryan Sickler (47:18)

Not to hug you. Not to talk to you.

Beth Stelling (47:20)

No.

Ryan Sickler (47:21)

Not to say, hey, I'm sorry. Not to say. Would you like to tell me about what a piece of I was and just get it all out?

Beth Stelling (47:28)

Or to my mom's point, she was like, there's. I'll tell you what he said next. So this guy has my business card. He's like, it's a sweet Indian guy who. I don't know how to put it. Like, he's for sure able to speak English and stuff, but he's explaining, like, he is newer here and he's excited to be here. And he's, like, showing me his phone. Like, I followed you on Instagram, like he told me to. Like, he's being this really nice.

Ryan Sickler (47:47)

Like he told me to.

Beth Stelling (47:49)

Yeah. So I'm feeling terrible for this young man who's, like, trying to talk to somebody. Like, again, this guy's just trying to be nice and serve us. And I decide to. I order my food. We're sitting down. Instead of maybe, like, ask you, what do you get?

Ryan Sickler (48:07)

What do you like?

Beth Stelling (48:07)

I do like chicken biryani a lot.

Ryan Sickler (48:09)

Okay. I don't know what that one is. What is that?

Beth Stelling (48:12)

It's. Well, it's. It's like. It's curried rice, basmati rice, and chicken. And it's more of, like, all sort of mixed in, I would say, as opposed to, like, sometimes, like, chicken tikka masala is very popular, for example. That would be like, the curry and the chicken and you put on top of, like, white basmati rice or maybe. But the biryanis, I think, all cooked together. There's different types of it, but yeah, more of like if I had to relate it to like chicken fried rice or something like that. Like all baked in there used to be this. I'm not an expert, but India is so huge. Sometimes when I go to an Indian restaurant, I don't even know what to order because I'm like the thing my grandma made. Like, my grandma. My grandma's never saying, like, right, this.

Ryan Sickler (48:48)

Is your sad paneer.

Beth Stelling (48:50)

It's just like, like out for everybody to serve.

Ryan Sickler (48:52)

Used to be a place in LA called Nirvana. Did you ever go to that?

Beth Stelling (48:55)

No.

Ryan Sickler (48:55)

And it was like a. It was like a real sexy LA restaurant. And it was Indian food, but all the tables were like beds.

Beth Stelling (49:04)

Oh.

Ryan Sickler (49:05)

So you could take your. You're not getting freaky, but I'm saying you're laying on it. Everyone's laying and just eating and laying down and, and munching. But they had a crab tikka masala. I still think about.

Beth Stelling (49:16)

I bet. I still think, well, my evil grandpa used to eat it with his hands. Like you're supposed to. I don't like, I think you're not supposed to go.

Ryan Sickler (49:22)

Is that right? Supposed to eat with your hands. Oh, your left hand.

Beth Stelling (49:25)

Yeah. Oh, no, your right hand spokes from Telugu as well. But it's such a massive country.

Ryan Sickler (49:30)

All I know is I wanted to know. So you're all having to be honest.

Beth Stelling (49:34)

With you to your, to your question. That's the first time we've been to an Indian restaurant. I was like, I'm going to order this. We're all trying, like there are grown adults who had it their entire lives and they're trying to figure out. I'm like, I wonder what's closest to grandma's. And we're. I'm talking to my aunt who's right here, and I actually chose the one that ended up being very similar to what my grandma made. So I was like, take note of this you guys, so next time you can order. I mean, I'll never go back, but I was like, this is the one. So we did find something that was very similar. And I can't remember the name of it, of course, but I had an Indian beer per the nice waiter's recommendation.

Ryan Sickler (50:02)

Guy following you, the guy who's so your new follower. Yeah, yeah.

Beth Stelling (50:09)

And we're sitting there and I haven't seen him in years. Or my stepmother who's across from me in a back brace because I guess she's broke her back driving a car for too long.

Ryan Sickler (50:18)

He's got the osses scoliosis cerebral.

Beth Stelling (50:20)

So Many things. I have a lot of oases also. Like, I haven't figured out how to work this in. But, like, one summer we were there, she chose to get a bunch of plastic surgery. And it's like, again, speaking to the point where you as an adult, you look back, you're like, interesting, right? You're. You're. You're. Your husband's kids are never here, really. So while they're visiting, you choose to do something to yourself that requires him waiting on you hand and foot.

Ryan Sickler (50:45)

Oh, she did it while you were.

Beth Stelling (50:46)

It's just like, that's not something I would have considered as a kid. As a kid, I'm going to. Oh, I'm scared because her head's all wrapped up and she was like, do you want to feel where the liposuction tubes went in? And I was like. And I'm like nine. And she just grabbed my hand and.

Ryan Sickler (50:56)

Oh, she put it in, like, the hole?

Beth Stelling (50:58)

Yes. Oh, it's like a little fruit loop that's like, oh, shit. I mean, honestly, these are. I think, like, there's so much that relates to, like, what happens to you as a kid as to why you choose to do what you do. And it's like, I'm aging naturally. I don't want to do anything to my body or plastic surgery. Like, I'm pretty stalwart about that. And. And I'm just. It's just so interesting, the choices I make because of what I've seen. And again, hers isn't aging well. I mean, when you're drinking so much, that's already not gonna age you well. And if you're sucking out fat instead of, like, doing maybe working out or things, you know, the more traditional way, it's just gonna come back. And it did. And, yeah, I mean, she's not looking well, you know, sort of like a scoop of mashed potatoes with googly eyes and a back brace. That was mean. And I'm sitting across from her, and my dad's here. He, like, teared up a little when I first sat down, which makes me uncomfortable a little. Um. I know he loves me very much. It's like, pretty effusive and over the top. And often he, He. It's like infantile love. Like, it'll be very, like, kissy and I guess. How else. What's the other word I'm looking for? Like, kind of treating me like a child, which I know some people are like, that. It's not like I'm like, mean or something, but he's Very much like that. So then we're sitting there and he starts talking about his doctor's visit because my aunt's husband was talking about some skin cancer he had to have REM removed or something. He was. I don't know how this came up. And he was. He's a normal guy. And he was like, you should get that checked, Bert. Because my dad is always out in the sun and yada yada. He also wears over the top Oakley sunglasses.

Ryan Sickler (52:29)

The razors.

Beth Stelling (52:30)

Yeah. That you like, put right here. He refuses to take them off. My sister, my oldest sister makes him. The one I told you, who's very strict. She's like, you will not see my children in those. But he's wearing them at the dinner table because. Not because I don't have the dinner table.

Ryan Sickler (52:42)

He's got them on.

Beth Stelling (52:43)

He tells waitresses they're X ray. He didn't tell this nice Indian fellow that.

Ryan Sickler (52:47)

But that's his. That's his little.

Beth Stelling (52:49)

Yeah. So it comes up that my dad, he's like, oh, no, I'm not going to the doctor about that. I'm fine. He's like, we see a. I think he was talking about that mp. And then he's like. And she just. I just had my first anal exam. Something like this. Like a finger up my butt is what he says. This is a dinner table.

Ryan Sickler (53:04)

How many people are we talking at the dinner table in public?

Beth Stelling (53:06)

Two aunts, their significant others, and my dad and stepmother.

Ryan Sickler (53:11)

And you. Seven of you.

Beth Stelling (53:12)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (53:12)

Okay.

Beth Stelling (53:15)

So she's sitting there like a scoop of mashed potatoes. Like, you know, he orders her a drink. I'm shocked because my dad has told me that she doesn't drink anymore for the last however long I haven't seen him. So I'm like, interesting. He says the anal thing. I'm like, okay. She starts looking at me and goes, he loves it. He loves. He loves anal. Like, whispering this to me.

Ryan Sickler (53:44)

Okay. But also, first of all, that is disgusting. This mashed potato lover just whispering it.

Beth Stelling (53:49)

At the table, whispering it to me.

Ryan Sickler (53:50)

But does she mean he likes being pegged or he likes to give it to her?

Beth Stelling (53:54)

I don't know.

Ryan Sickler (53:56)

Because he liked the finger. So when she says he loves it.

Beth Stelling (53:59)

Does that mean I think he likes ass play? So she keeps doing this to me. The point where I'm like, ew.

Ryan Sickler (54:06)

You know, just keep saying it.

Beth Stelling (54:09)

Yeah. Maybe before this, I should say they did talk about, of course, their wiener dog, who I've mentioned they have several. Like, like, we love Cavalier, King Charles spaniels. They always have wiener dogs.

Ryan Sickler (54:18)

Got it.

Beth Stelling (54:18)

They did. I said, how is he? Or whatever, Joey? She's like, he's fine. She goes, do you know what he is? And I said, a hostage.

Ryan Sickler (54:25)

And do they laugh at you? So keep going.

Beth Stelling (54:29)

No, I mean, honestly, she may have done the anal thing in retaliation.

Ryan Sickler (54:33)

Yeah.

Beth Stelling (54:33)

Oh, I. Yeah. And he goes. And he goes. He didn't like it either. And he was like, hey. And he goes, but you know what? Why I love him? And I said, because he doesn't give notes. So I was being a little incendiary.

Ryan Sickler (54:45)

Okay. And then you have a right to be. Yeah, you're there.

Beth Stelling (54:50)

I was being a little. But. But also, they're just kind of like, maybe she asked where I was touring next, or my aunt did Beth. Or my aunt said, like, where's the farthest you've been? And I may have said, like, oh, my gosh. You know, Dubai was this crazy gig. Then they bring it back to Dr. Anal. She's whispering that. And I. I'm a grown adult now, so I am. And thank goodness I've been doing stand up for 18 years, so I can actually, for the most part, like, pop off when I need to if someone's, like, saying something shitty to me. So I go, why don't you tell the everybody else what you're telling me right now?

Ryan Sickler (55:18)

Oh. Because she still just keeps.

Beth Stelling (55:19)

She's trying to just say it to me, which I find is so weird. And then she's like, what? What? Does it make you uncomfortable that your dad and I are sexually active at this age?

Ryan Sickler (55:31)

Oh, and then a back brace on. She's got a. I'm like, what? I remember. We got that.

Beth Stelling (55:37)

She's a full back brace that's black. Like, from here to here. I'm like, is doggy style when you fall over and just lay there? Anyway, so I'm uncomfortable.

Ryan Sickler (55:49)

She might have hurt her back.

Beth Stelling (55:51)

Yeah. Giving it to you.

Ryan Sickler (55:53)

Yeah.

Beth Stelling (55:54)

So then she's like, I bet that you don't talk about this stuff with your mom. Which, by the way, she should never mention my mother.

Ryan Sickler (56:02)

Like, it's not a competition either.

Beth Stelling (56:04)

No. I mean, if you shot off a gun, I'm gonna sit at the starting line. You go ahead. No one's racing for this man. Like, she's always been so oddly competitive. Part of me feels like she's so drunk. When we were kids, she just thought we were, like, random bachelorettes my dad invited back. There's no competition. Do you know what I mean? What do you. We're here because we actually are made to be here. It's weird, you know, the minute we were all emancipated at 18, no one was coming back.

Ryan Sickler (56:26)

You never went again. So you did have to go all the way to 18?

Beth Stelling (56:29)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (56:30)

Oh, man.

Beth Stelling (56:31)

There was later.

Ryan Sickler (56:32)

Your whole fucking childhood.

Beth Stelling (56:33)

There was later when my sisters would get out of it and my dad didn't push. Like, they were like, I want to go to camp or field hockey camp. We all played hockey and stuff like that. And so they did kind of pull away. There is a lot of guilt involved, though, for us, like, because I. There were times where we would go back for his dad's funeral, for example. We went. And in the morning of the funeral, we were just down there for that brief time. We were like, dad, you want to go get breakfast in the morning afterwards? And he was like, oh, I can't. You know, Kay wants eggs, his wife wants eggs. And so he, like, didn't sweat. So he always, like, sort of will cater to her. And it's odd, right? Anyway, this anal thing's happening. She's saying stuff about my mom, and I go, no, my mom and I don't talk about that because we have healthy boundaries. She's like, well, does it make you uncomfortable? We have sex. And I go, no, I just don't need to hear about it. And I said. Because it's. Can I cuss?

Ryan Sickler (57:21)

Yes.

Beth Stelling (57:21)

Okay. I said, we just don't need to hear about. I said. I looked at her because I go, it's disgusting. And then I go, I need to go to the bathroom. And I'm, like, kind of shaking at this point because it's, like, so odd. He's laughing. Oh. And she's like, he'll try anything. She keeps going on and on. Like, the whispering kept happening. She was like, any. Any ED medication? He's always asking our nurse practitioner, like, how can I get Cialis Viagra? He's always asking for all the ED stuff. Like. So I'm like, my. You know what I mean? You know when you're like, like, buzzing? I get up, I start texting Megan, my oldest sister. She's like, you know, very. It almost started making me emotional because I'm angry and I kind of want to cry. And my sister's like, this is disgusting. You don't deserve this. We choose you. We'll always choose you. Because he's always said stuff to me. It'll be about my acne or if I've gained weight or he's always said stuff to me and my sisters. I Think are finally maybe in this way, standing up for me a little bit because he's. It's like a slot machine. I think this is like a behavioral psychologist reference. But as long as. Even though he couldn't hit me anymore, he could still hit them. So he was getting that fix. And when they stopped after this incident in January, he started sort of unraveling a bit.

Ryan Sickler (58:39)

Unwrapping a little bit because he doesn't have the outlet anymore.

Beth Stelling (58:42)

Yeah. And then we got this email.

Ryan Sickler (58:45)

The step, step mashed potatoes.

Beth Stelling (58:47)

Yeah. Step, step taties.

Ryan Sickler (58:49)

Step taties.

Beth Stelling (58:51)

Okay. So it says, first of all, the funny. The. To me, one of the funniest parts was it was to me and my oldest sister, and she said, please copy Hannah, our middle sister.

Ryan Sickler (59:04)

That's the subject line.

Beth Stelling (59:05)

Yeah. Also the other. Other time she emailed us was when our dad fell off the roof and the subject line was burnt. Hit the deck, bird.

Ryan Sickler (59:13)

Hit the deck is what it sounds.

Beth Stelling (59:16)

Anyway, that was years ago. Your dad is very sad that he's not been able to reach you. Whatever rift between you needs to be put aside. Think about how you would feel if your dad died tomorrow. It's like we've actually already been there. And if you knew him, you'd know that we've actually already experienced that many times.

Ryan Sickler (59:33)

What we also had to think about. What if our mom died tomorrow because she's in the hospital right now recovering from a fractured skull from the man you married.

Beth Stelling (59:40)

I know.

Ryan Sickler (59:41)

How. Wait, I'm sorry. How the. Did they meet?

Beth Stelling (59:45)

I forget. It might have been like, line dancing or something.

Ryan Sickler (59:48)

And they've just been together ever since.

Beth Stelling (59:50)

Yeah. He enables her.

Ryan Sickler (59:51)

Do you think he's faithful to her? Yeah, I think the ED medication isn't for her.

Beth Stelling (59:55)

I don't know. I think it's faithful that you do. Similar to your point, though, my aunt, who. I am his sister that I have a relationship with one. Both of them did say, like, if she passes, like, he. She's pretty sure as quick as he can, he'll find someone else.

Ryan Sickler (60:10)

All right, I'm sorry.

Beth Stelling (60:11)

No, no, please, go ahead. He's going through a lot with me, and he hides his sadness with me, trying to keep my spirits up. Since December, I've been going through multiple. And then it says, like, chiroplasties with four different painful procedures. I learned this week I have a cement embolism on my right lung. I'm going to multiple doctors with little assurance of survival rate. Love your dad and wanted to let you know what's going on and hope that you will be there for him. So my sisters were like, we're not going to reply. And I replied immediately. And I said, it's crazy to think you're having all these health issues from decades of alcohol abuse, because dad told us many years ago that you stopped drinking. Plus, you were regaling me just a few months ago with all of the sex and specifically ass play that you love to do together.

Ryan Sickler (60:54)

You wrote reply all.

Beth Stelling (61:00)

No response, nothing for that.

Ryan Sickler (61:03)

I thought you were nothing.

Beth Stelling (61:04)

Oh, no. And I don't think she ever told or showed my dad. That's the thing. It's like that. That's part of it, too, where I'm like. And he doesn't know how to email and. Or even barely text. He has on his Instagram. It's like one shot of where he used to cater and then one black tile square. And I promise you it wasn't for Black Lives Matter. It was an accident. That was a pocket upload, you know, but. So he doesn't know how to. He watches my stories. I see that, but it's not meant to hurt him. I'm not trying to hurt him.

Ryan Sickler (61:32)

No, you're trying to protect yourself. How many years, I'm saying about the people that need help, like, so do the people that want to help them.

Beth Stelling (61:42)

Yeah. Well, also, that's the point. My sister, this. There's so many times, so many in between things, from what I've obviously shared. We're talking for, you know, a short period of time. My sister, my oldest sister did offer because he. There was a breaking point for him with her drinking. Or he said, I do want to leave if she doesn't stop drinking. Bizarrely, my oldest sister was like, if you do that, I can give you a place to stay if you want to make that move. Which I was like, wow.

Ryan Sickler (62:08)

But also, she also had bluff a bit, too.

Beth Stelling (62:10)

Yeah. And he didn't, of course. And she was the one who was taking her kids down there to see him. They'd meet at Disney. They would never go to his house or anything like that. But she was trying to give them a relationship with them, which I think she's reevaluated now. I think that's. There's a lot of biology. You. They're involved. I'm the only one that has gone long stretches not talking to him. And I don't mean it like, because I'm so strong. It's because he's done or said things to me that are deeply hurtful. And I have tried to repair things and tried to Talk about things. And in some ways he has, he has openly said in a very, like, I remember I gave him one of those books, you know, that you could get, like your daughter would give you, like for you to fill out. It would be like my favorite memory with, you know, and you would fill out the thing so she could hold have it forever. Like, I remember when you were born. I remember one of the things he wrote in there. I don't know if it was a regret or something, but he just straight wrote attempted murder. Do you know what I mean? Like, so it's not that he's ignoring that that happened, but he still holds on to his story that my mom was cheating and all these things, which again, she wasn't even if she was.

Ryan Sickler (63:08)

Deserved to be murdered.

Beth Stelling (63:09)

No. And of course, the fact daily my mom married him for a couple. I of course have stories about him too, that he's my mom's second husband, which she's now divorced from. They lasted for like, I don't know, five or six years. And that ended up being not good either. Not as bad. But that caused a lot of problems in the church because he was married. So he divorced his wife. Then my mom and him get together. The church is looking down on them for multiple reasons, but he was the music director, and that was a whole nother mess a little bit in the community, which is why my sister was like, do they like us here? You know, but yeah, I mean, there's still. My mom wasn't with him for that long, but it wasn't really applicable to my dad's story like he thought it was. He was not in a place where he would remember things perfectly well or whatever you want to say.

Ryan Sickler (63:58)

So what are you moving forward? What do you think? Are we just blocking them until we hear he's gone?

Beth Stelling (64:03)

I don't know. I, I, I'm kind of like working with, like, I don't know.

Ryan Sickler (64:07)

Or do you think she's gonna pass first with the health issues and then all of a sudden he's gonna want to pop up. Now he's got nothing else to do. Here I am and well, he's made excuses for.

Beth Stelling (64:17)

They've both used the dogs that they have to not be able to come to things for many years. Even when they would fly up for our graduations, for example, she would stay at the hotel room with the dog because he couldn't be alone. I'm sure that was to drink and to also maybe she may look, you know, we're all human beings. She might have Also said, I don't want to make things weird or I don't want to be there. I don't know. Okay. But she would probably drink in the hotel and be with a dog. But how do you think he has not come to things? Because he'll be like the dog and I have to take care of her. So. You're right. When she. Well, my. His sister's worried because he doesn't pay the bills. He doesn't know how to do anything. And she's like, well. And she said, and I'm not in a place to do that because she took care of their mom for like 10 years.

Ryan Sickler (64:58)

End up being homeless and not even know how to do anything.

Beth Stelling (65:01)

It's very possible. Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (65:02)

Someone's been taking care of his whole life, from his dad to her, it sounds like.

Beth Stelling (65:06)

Yeah. And he. He does a lot of things. Like, you know, he's very capable of cleaning and laundry and dishes. He does a lot of those things. He has ocd. And, you know, that's also a root of probably some of mine. But. Yeah. So it's not that he can't, like, take care of himself or things. He's good at that. But yeah, when it comes to anything electronic or children. Right.

Ryan Sickler (65:25)

Families.

Beth Stelling (65:26)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (65:26)

He's not real responsibility.

Beth Stelling (65:28)

And his sister was like, I can't do it. It. And I said, no one expects you to.

Ryan Sickler (65:31)

No. Hell no.

Beth Stelling (65:32)

You gotta.

Ryan Sickler (65:33)

And you should learn how to pick.

Beth Stelling (65:34)

Up a phone and say, how do I pay this? Or whatever's going on. Even somebody was like, well, what about inheritance or something? I was like, in what? I was never expecting anything.

Ryan Sickler (65:43)

Yeah.

Beth Stelling (65:43)

I don't even know what you're talking about. I don't. That's not a reason to keep in touch with something.

Ryan Sickler (65:48)

No.

Beth Stelling (65:48)

But yeah, I don't know the end plan. My sis. I. I need to call my sisters because today is Monday and yesterday was Father's Day. To date, this.

Ryan Sickler (65:57)

Didn'T know communication.

Beth Stelling (65:58)

I. They didn't reach out. When I said, what are you gonna do?

Ryan Sickler (66:02)

Reach out?

Beth Stelling (66:03)

I said, he used to call us on Father's Day because we wouldn't really. Anyway, my oldest sister said, I'll pick up if he calls and explain why I haven't been speaking to him. She said, but I don't really plan to call. I don't know. I haven't talked to him yet.

Ryan Sickler (66:18)

Oh, I see.

Beth Stelling (66:18)

But my middle sister, I think, has had relief in not. Not dealing with it because she's got a lot of her own crap going on right now as a Result of things that she deals with and our genetics and choices that, you know, have fueled us for whatever reason of everything, you know, complex PTSD or whatever it is, depression. So it's like we've all been in places that for sure can be linked back. I'm a very aware person. I'm the last person who wants to be like, well, I hurt you because this happened to me as a child. You know, like, that doesn't really fly with me if you're dating somebody and they're like, well, I did this because my dad, X, Y or Z, it's like, you're an adult now. So I'm very aware, probably too aware of my choices and why, who I choose and why I choose them. But I think there's, you know, some people who come to that later. And at this point, it wasn't serving me to keep picking up the phone call. It was awkward, annoying, a chore. And he was just kind of a wind up toy. Same thing over and over again. Giving us updates on someone who's dying of alcoholism. It's like, does hospice give updates? Because I think I know the end of the story, you know, like, I don't need a play by play of death.

Ryan Sickler (67:33)

Right.

Beth Stelling (67:33)

I just don't also. I know it's, you know, alcoholism is a family disease, but it's also a result of this motion. So I'm like, this is something that we all saw coming. I don't know how else to help you feel better about it. And I feel relief in not having to pick up the phone.

Ryan Sickler (67:55)

Good.

Beth Stelling (67:55)

I think he's also not. Your chemicals change as you age. I don't know what's going on with.

Ryan Sickler (68:00)

Him, but there's a lot to be said too about that as well. Like, look, just because they're your parents or vice versa, if the kids being like this to their parents and you know, your dad as a child, like, you know, I don't blame his dad and mom at some point for going.

Beth Stelling (68:17)

Fuck it, yeah, we're leaving.

Ryan Sickler (68:19)

And same with kids, man. It doesn't matter that we're in our 40s or 50s if our parents are shit and it's you listen, if you're better off without them, then you're better off without them. That's just the way it is. And you've been fighting to keep them in your life for so long. And you're a good person. I hear it in your heart, I hear it in your words. I can tell when it comes out. I see it.

Beth Stelling (68:39)

Yeah, weird to talk about It. It's not that I'm against talking about it. It's not like, oh, I have to keep these things a secret. But it's my deep desire to make it funny, and I feel like, oh, God, I wasn't funny. And it's like, I am sharing other people's stories too. I don't really. My dad has always been like, it's your life. Whatever happened to you, you can talk about it. But it was. When it comes to, like, my sisters, I try to make things funny for them and their choice.

Ryan Sickler (68:59)

Like, I'm always trying to, like, you're a caretaker.

Beth Stelling (69:01)

Yeah, I want. I don't want.

Ryan Sickler (69:02)

You're a people pleaser.

Beth Stelling (69:03)

I don't want to hurt people.

Ryan Sickler (69:05)

That too. Yes.

Beth Stelling (69:06)

I don't want to hurt people by talking.

Ryan Sickler (69:07)

Remember what it feels like when I got that?

Beth Stelling (69:10)

Yeah. So I don't want to be hurtful. It's not like my. I don't get joy. I will say for sure if I'm a little mean about my stepmom.

Ryan Sickler (69:16)

That's the other thing.

Beth Stelling (69:17)

I would argue that, yes, sometimes I'm probably being a little bit.

Ryan Sickler (69:19)

Yeah, but you're not overly, like, rooting against them or vindictive. You haven't been like, I'm so funky and none of that.

Beth Stelling (69:25)

No. But, yeah, I think it's hard because I'm like, yeah, it's weird to talk about something that affected so many people.

Ryan Sickler (69:33)

I'm so sorry. I'm just also, like, if somebody told me about my mom and anal, I'd be like, shut the up.

Beth Stelling (69:38)

And I did. I said, it's disgusting. And then I got it from the table, went to the bathroom.

Ryan Sickler (69:42)

Like, I'm never getting that out of my head. You know that you. Back brace mashed potato.

Beth Stelling (69:47)

I know. Also, thank goodness for my aunt's significant others, because we were driving home together.

Ryan Sickler (69:52)

I'm gonna say, did anyone be like.

Beth Stelling (69:54)

Hey, oh, my God, my aunt's boyfriend was so. Her husband was so funny. He's like, like, you know, people who talk like that, especially at a family dinner and have to brag or regale you with their sex stories, are usually not having that actually happening.

Ryan Sickler (70:09)

Yeah.

Beth Stelling (70:09)

He was like. And then he goes, I wonder if the back brace has lace. Lace, like, lingerie you can attach to it. But yeah, I'm like, it's just not something you need to brag about if it's actually happening. And I find it weird. One time I will say my dad and also like to. To infantile. What am I trying to say? Infantilize me so much. Right. Like even as an adult sitting there and talking about when I was a kid and stuff. And then to also say the anal stuff to me, I'm like, if we. If you want me to be very dramatic right now, that's totally child abuse and incesty to be doing that to me.

Ryan Sickler (70:47)

Super incesty.

Beth Stelling (70:48)

Yeah. But I'm just saying I'm a grown woman.

Ryan Sickler (70:50)

Someone says to her, like, your dad likes to go to pound town up to poop shoot. You'd be like, shut the up.

Beth Stelling (70:56)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (70:56)

Nobody wants to know that about their parents. And if you do, definitely something wrong.

Beth Stelling (71:01)

Exactly. And I even think I said, I was like, oh, it's important. Like, that's total. Like those things are healthy and part of life. I don't need to hear about them.

Ryan Sickler (71:07)

If there's a filter in you that doesn't exist where you're like, this is this man's daughter.

Beth Stelling (71:12)

I know. I think they like being shoveling. That's another thing that we talked about on the drive home.

Ryan Sickler (71:16)

Attention, attention.

Beth Stelling (71:16)

I think they like that shock. My dad is has obviously always like that with over top Oakley's walking around in mesh football jerseys, no shirt underneath still. Yeah. I forget what he was wearing that day, but it was definitely these.

Ryan Sickler (71:32)

I love you so much.

Beth Stelling (71:33)

I love you.

Ryan Sickler (71:34)

I appreciate you sharing all of this. I had no idea. Bestselling the wonder. You're so sweet and funny. Thank you. Promote one more time right here.

Beth Stelling (71:47)

Bethstelling.com you're special. I'm always out here trying to make dark stuff funny. There's usually a story behind some of the stuff that's much darker. But yeah. Bethstelling.com, i'm on tour. The landlord special is on beeps.com and maybe elsewhere after August 2nd.

Ryan Sickler (72:05)

Other specials on that girl.

Beth Stelling (72:07)

Daddy is on HBO and if you didn't want me then. And the standups are on Netflix.

Ryan Sickler (72:12)

You're the best. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me always. And as always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to you all next next week.