Andy Richter - HoneyRichter

Summary

Podcast Summary: The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler – Episode Featuring Andy Richter ("HoneyRichter")

Release Date: November 4, 2024

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Introduction

In this heartfelt episode of The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler, host Ryan Sickler welcomes renowned comedian and actor Andy Richter as a guest. The episode, titled "HoneyRichter," delves deep into Andy's personal journey, exploring his upbringing, family dynamics, struggles with mental health, and his approach to parenting. Through candid conversations, both Ryan and Andy share insightful reflections that resonate with listeners navigating their own life's lowlights.

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Early Life and Family Background

Andy Richter opens up about his Midwestern roots, detailing a childhood marked by complexity and resilience.

• Ryan Sickler welcomes Andy:
  "[03:38] Ryan Sickler: ... We're over here doing it in the Night Pants Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler.com..."

Andy describes being born in Michigan to Illinois natives. His father, an Illinois native and Russian language teacher, had a profound influence on his early life.

• Andy Richter on his father's career:
  "[15:22] Ryan Sickler: ... he teaches the Russian language because he started college in, you know, like the 50s..."

Andy recounts how his father's expertise in Russian was pivotal during the Cold War era, shaping his family's experiences and movements across states.

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Father's Coming Out and Its Impact

A significant turning point in Andy's life was his father's decision to come out, an event that deeply affected him and reshaped his family dynamics.

• Andy Richter shares the moment his father came out:
  "[16:40] Ryan Sickler: ... And then when I was four, he came out of the closet and got a divorce. And my mom took my brother and me back to Illinois to live with her parents..."

This revelation led Andy and his brother to spend formative years under the care of their grandparents, fostering a strong matriarchal influence.

• Andy Richter on living with his grandparents:
  "[17:09] Ryan Sickler: We were in her house for probably about five years."

Andy reflects on the emotional toll of his parents' separation and the ensuing distance from his father, highlighting the challenges of maintaining familial bonds amidst personal struggles.

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Personal Experiences and Growing Up

Andy delves into the nuances of his upbringing, emphasizing the role of strong female figures in his life and the absence of consistent male influences.

• Andy Richter on being raised by women:
  "[36:01] Unnamed Guest: What's that like having just a primary and..."
  "[36:02] Ryan Sickler: ...I was very much a Midwesterner..."

He discusses the impact of his grandmother and aunts, describing his household as a "matriarchy." This environment cultivated his affinity for women and shaped his interpersonal relationships.

• Andy Richter on his favorite aunt:
  "[31:12] Ryan Sickler: ... aunt Patty was the star of my life. And probably the main reason why I'm in show business..."

Despite a lack of a stable male role model, Andy found connections through his uncle and peers, which contributed to his sense of self and career trajectory.

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Relationships and Parenting Philosophy

Exploring his adult life, Andy shares insights into his own relationships, marriage, and the profound influence of his upbringing on his approach to parenting.

• Andy Richter on his marriage and children:
  "[48:00] Ryan Sickler: ... my ex wife and I had been married for seven years before we had kids."

He emphasizes a parenting style rooted in "mothering," attributing much of his approach to the nurturing environment he experienced growing up. Andy advocates for honesty, support, and the importance of apologizing when mistakes occur.

• Andy Richter on fatherhood:
  "[49:25] Ryan Sickler: ... my philosophy of fathering is to mother. I'm just not mothering because that's what I know."

Andy discusses the challenges of inspiring ambition in his children, contrasting his passive approach with the active encouragement he believes is beneficial for their growth.

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Mental Health and Personal Growth

A recurring theme in the conversation is mental health. Andy candidly discusses his struggles, the role of therapy, and his journey toward self-acceptance and healing.

• Andy Richter on overcoming negativity:
  "[58:12] Ryan Sickler: ... I just shut that in a drawer. Because I never am gonna enjoy the sound of my own voice..."

He credits therapy, medication, and self-honesty as pivotal in transforming his mental state, moving from self-criticism to self-compassion.

• Andy Richter on personal transformation:
  "[62:52] Ryan Sickler: ... I can try to figure out what I'm doing. It's a long-term game."

Andy reflects on his past behaviors, acknowledging how negative self-talk influenced his interactions and professional conduct. His commitment to changing this narrative underscores his dedication to personal growth.

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Insights and Advice

In a reflective segment, Andy imparts wisdom drawn from his life's experiences, offering advice to younger generations.

• Andy Richter to his younger self:
  "[66:34] Ryan Sickler: ... learn to love cardio."
  "[66:46] Ryan Sickler: ... push a little harder on exercising and pushing yourself to be better at stuff."

He emphasizes the importance of discipline, setting boundaries, and self-improvement, recognizing how these elements could have enhanced his personal and professional life.

• Andy Richter on setting boundaries:
  "[65:59] Ryan Sickler: ... you can have my truck, but I'm not gonna help you."

Through humor and honesty, Andy illustrates the necessity of establishing personal limits to maintain healthy relationships and personal well-being.

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Conclusion

As the episode wraps up, Ryan and Andy reiterate key takeaways about the importance of self-reflection, mental health, and fostering supportive relationships. Andy's journey from a tumultuous upbringing to a place of self-acceptance serves as an inspiring narrative for listeners facing their own life's challenges.

• Ryan Sickler on life's complexities:
  "[63:45] Ryan Sickler: ... it's not that instant hit, like stand up is with a joke and a laugh right away."

The conversation ends on a note of gratitude, with both hosts acknowledging the shared human experience of navigating life's ups and downs.

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Notable Quotes

• Ryan Sickler [09:14]:
  "No, you can't. And also too, you know, I mean, I just..."

• Andy Richter [27:54]:
  "Probable main reason why I'm in show business, because she..."

• Andy Richter [33:32]:
  "A lot of the people that talk nice to me, I'll do anything for them."

• Ryan Sickler [49:48]:
  "What's your secret to fatherhood? Is mothering."

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Key Takeaways

1. Family Dynamics: Andy's experience with his father's coming out and subsequent divorce significantly shaped his personal development and understanding of relationships.

2. Parenting Approach: Raised in a matriarchal household, Andy adopts a "mothering" style of parenting, emphasizing support, honesty, and respect.

3. Mental Health: Andy's journey underscores the importance of therapy, self-compassion, and changing negative self-talk to foster mental well-being.

4. Personal Growth: Advocates for discipline, setting boundaries, and continuous self-improvement as tools for personal and professional fulfillment.

5. Legacy of Relationships: The episode highlights the enduring impact of early family relationships on one's approach to love, parenting, and self-identity.

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Final Thoughts

The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler offers a profound look into Andy Richter's life, blending humor with vulnerability. This episode serves as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of introspection and support.

Transcript

[Ryan Sickler]

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[Andy Richter]

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[Ryan Sickler]

On Amazon, there's a reading feeling for everyone. For example, Juan's as he drifts away.

[Andy Richter]

To nirvana after only the first chapter.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is different to Maya's when she discovered the narrator was in fact the evil twin, which is also different to Noah's.

[Unnamed Guest]

Aw.

[Ryan Sickler]

Anytime the cute cyberpunk is mentioned, even though in reality he'd be totally out of his league from to Amazon Books, that reading feeling awaits.

[Unnamed Guest]

Let me silence my phone real quick so I can tell you that US Days at US Cellular is back again. Exclusive offers just for customers. Just to say thanks. Right now you'll get $1200 off any phone plus $400 off any tablet. Amazing, right? But my family is so excited about their new devices they keep texting me during the show. They're all about us days. Deals like $1,200 off any phone plus $400 off any tablet. Terms apply. Visit us cellular.com for details. This ad was an actor's portrayal. Detroit, Michigan I'll be there Friday Nove at the Magic Bag, Minneapolis, Minnesota I'll be there Saturday, November 9th at the Parkway Theater, Madison, Wisconsin. I'll be there Friday and Saturday, November 15th and 16th at Comedy on State and Portland, Oregon. I'll be at the Aladdin Theater Saturday, November 23rd. Get your tickets to those shows and all shows on my [e-mail] the Honeydew with Ryan Sickler welcome back to the Honey Do Y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler.com Ryan Sickler on all your social media and I'm going to start this episode like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you for real for whatever you do in any way you support anything I do. I genuinely appreciate it. You guys are great if you gotta have more than I'm telling you. I've been Talking about it forever. You gotta have the Patreon. It's called the Honeydew with y'all. And is this show with you guys? And it is. It's the best five dollars you'll spend. It's only five bucks. We've had it that way for years. And it's your show, and I promise you, no one has stories like you guys. Nobody. And the way back it's been. Listen, I really love doing that show. It's so nice to sit and laugh and listen to people's childhoods in a fun, funny way. It's one of those shows you have to watch. We dig through people's social media. We bring, you know, their photos and stuff to life in the story. It's really well done. Come see me on tour if I'm in town and you're around. Tickets are on my website@ryan sickler.com. all right, that's it. That's the biz. You guys know what we do here? We highlight the lowlights. I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. And I am very excited to have this guest on. Ladies and gentlemen, first time here on the Honeydew, Andy Richter. Welcome. Thank you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's you right there.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. All right. Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Like you've never been on tv.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, you know, I want to thank you. Thank you.

[Unnamed Guest]

Um, please promote. Before we get into it. Promote anything you'd like, please.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, well, I have a podcast of my own, the three Questions, that's been on for five years now. And it's. It's a. It's a. It's like this. It's an hour interview. It's kind of specifically about people talking about where they're from and where they're going and sort of what they. What life has taught them. It's basic. You know, I have. I don't have a vacation home because all that money was spent on therapy. Therapy in private school for my children. So I've been in therapy for a long time, and I really believe in it, and I kind of want it to have a podcast that I'm not a therapist, but that kind of was in that sort of vein, you know, conversationally.

[Unnamed Guest]

You know, I'm in no way qualified.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, no. But I don't. And I don't, like, tell people what to do with their lives. But I do think it's interesting because there are people that. They do not do a lot of self examination. There's a lot of people that don't seem to give a shit about like figuring out like, why do you keep running into the same brick wall? And they're like, I don't know, I just like it. So I think I just find people that are self reflective and are sort of like curious as to.

[Unnamed Guest]

How do.

[Ryan Sickler]

I get better at being alive. I like those conversations. So that's what that is. But then I also. And that's been through Conan Team Coco, Conan's podcast company. Like I say, it's been five years now. And then Sirius XM bought his company and he has a channel. Channel 104 on SiriusXM is the Conan O'Brien channel. And they wanted to start doing more. And by they I mean Sirius XM wanted to start doing more radio programming because the channel kind of started out as podcasts and clips from the old shows and they wanted to, you know, make it a real radio station. So I've been doing a call in show. Oh great. Which sounds a lot like your Patreon. Yeah, it's, it's me. It's an hour, it's on Wednesdays, 1pm Pacific Time. And it's, it's called the Andy Richter call in show. And I have a guest host and we solicit calls on a topic which is like dating disasters or ghost stories.

[Unnamed Guest]

So you pick the topic, throw it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Out there, we throw it out there, we put it out on social media and then people either there's a Google form or a number that they can call and they leave a message and then we do that for an hour and it is about, it's one of the most fun hours of my week now and I love doing it. And you know, and it's like, it's also, you know, I'm going to a radio studio. You know, you get to feel like a grown up radio guy and it's just really fun. And it was really weird when I first started doing it because I would think, oh, I got a show, I got a recording. And I think like, what homework am I not, Am I forgetting? What homework am I forgetting? I was like, oh, nothing, I don't, I just gotta go there and show up and answer the phone. Yeah. So it's been really, really fun and it's, it's just gotten better and better and better. And I'm sure that you've found you like as I have found with the three questions especially like you just get, the more you do this, you know, like the better interviewer you get to be and the, you know, sort of with the call in show, just kind of. I'm learning how to keep it moving, you know, and keep it funn and.

[Unnamed Guest]

You know, I mean, that's also wrangling feral cats too. You got to be good at that part of it. Because some people can really tell a story and some people cannot.

[Ryan Sickler]

They really can't. Yeah. And. And there are people that. Yeah, you can tell the difference. And we try to say, you know, just stick to the real important. Because people will be like, well, it was rainy that day and it's like.

[Unnamed Guest]

Nobody cares or you'll get the. So your mom died.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, right, exactly.

[Unnamed Guest]

And I just sit there like, oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, those are the ones I haven't had. I haven't had a lot of those lately, but I have had those where it's like, where it is sort of like. So did your parents divorce bother you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know. Yeah, yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

I, I can see your genuine enthusiasm for it. I'm the same way the show, like, I'm stoked to sit here and talk to you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, thank you.

[Unnamed Guest]

But these people have stories.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Unlike any. I mean, we had a guy and I could go on and on, but I'm the guy now at a place like the paramedic. Like, we had this one guy, you know, and we had a guy that tried to take his own life, laid down on train tracks to have the train cut his head off. Laid on the wrong set of tracks, cuts his legs off and he wakes up in the hospital and he's like, I mean, like that. And he's laughing about it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

And it's like. So that's, you know, specifically this show is. That's laughing at those, those moments because what, you know, you can't cry all the time.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, you can't. And also too, you know, I mean, I just, I just. It. It's a. It is a. It is a known statistic that I think it's like 80 to 90% of the time that somebody screws up, killing themselves, they never try it again.

[Unnamed Guest]

Is that right?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's interesting. I wondered if they don't go again for it, like true attempt not to cry for help stuff or.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right. No, like if they really, really try it and it does and that something doesn't happen, then they. It's. I think it is like 85 to 90% never try it again. Which is. Which is. That's, you know, I'm. I'm. One of the things that I have advocated in public about is common sense. Gun control. I don't do it so much anymore because there's a lot of crazy people, and I got a lot of other stuff going on. But, you know, one of the things that people used to say when they. When you talk about gun deaths, they'd be like, well, a lot of those are suicides. As if that doesn't count. Yeah. But the thing is, is that guns are so good at killing people that a lot of people that might screw up hanging themselves or might screw up jumping off the roof, you know, or getting their legs cut off instead of their head, a gun doesn't. A gun's really good at killing people.

[Unnamed Guest]

I would say so.

[Ryan Sickler]

And so they don't get that opportunity to screw it up and then have a second thought and go, like, wait, what was I thinking about? And that's. You know, and it's. There's all kinds of reasons, like, why people in mental health crisis shouldn't be, you know, like, somebody should go in and take the guns away.

[Unnamed Guest]

I have a paranoid schizophrenic cousin. Yeah, definitely shouldn't have a gun.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, definitely should not have a gun.

[Unnamed Guest]

No, no, no, no, he doesn't, and he definitely shouldn't. Yeah, we are sure. Yeah, like, you're not. You know, he's. He's in. He's in a facility now and everything these days, so he's not going to.

[Ryan Sickler]

I grew up in a house with guns. We lived in the country, and it was. I don't even think we had, like, one old pistol that literally was my grand great grandparents, my great grandfather's, that I don't think shot. It didn't even work anymore. But everything else was shotguns and rifles for hunting. And so I grew up around guns. So people, you know, when I would talk about guns, they'd be like, you want to take all our guns? No, I don't. I just think you should leave them at home. You know, you don't. You don't need to. You don't need to wear it to the Wendy's, you know. You know, for Christ's sake, you don't need an AR15, Baskin Robbins, you know.

[Unnamed Guest]

But, you know, at one time, it's. And here's the thing, too. You travel this country.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

You gotta remember what state you're in.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes.

[Unnamed Guest]

When I was in Kansas City, my feature, her name's Hannah. She's like, do you know our opener has a gun on him right now? And I was like, huh? And he did. And then I thought, well, hold on a second. Before we judge this guy. If he's got one on him, how many people in that crowd have it?

[Ryan Sickler]

All. Right.

[Unnamed Guest]

Right. So you know what? We at least have one back here on our side. We can run.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right, Right.

[Unnamed Guest]

But then I remembered, like, oh, yeah, we got to remember where we are in the country because absolutely. And I remember driving. I was in high school. I drove to. We went. We drove from Baltimore to Atlanta to see the 49ers and Falcons play.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

And we stopped at a McDonald's in North Carolina, and I'm pretty sure it was North Carolina. And these. This kid came in with, like, a Jordan tank top on and the big baggy Carolina shorts. And I like. He was in the Wild west with a holster and two guns in it. I was like, what the. And I was like, we're just leaving. We're just leaving.

[Ryan Sickler]

Were they like old timey revolvers or.

[Unnamed Guest]

They were like Glocks? They were like, well, I don't really. They were modern guns, probably Glocks.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

In these holsters. And I was like, oh, yeah. Gotta remember sometimes where you are. And also you gotta look that law up, because there's concealed carry, there's open carry. There's all that out there. You just don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's unnerving. And it's.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's why I just try to be a good person. Don't get out of your car in traffic, and you ain't doing that anymore.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

All right, so let's get into your story. All right, tell me in the vein of your podcast. First of all, where are you from originally? Tell me about your parents.

[Ryan Sickler]

I am.

[Unnamed Guest]

Siblings. I am a child.

[Ryan Sickler]

A Midwesterner. I am very much a Midwesterner. I was born in Michigan because my dad, who is from Illinois. My mom and dad are both from Illinois, but he was getting his degree. He. He teaches the Russian language because he started college in, you know, like the 50s. And he was going to. He was a music major because he was. He very big into classical music. And. And he was. And he was also a singer in like a. Your dad chorus. Yeah. Wow.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

And so he was. Thought he was going to be a choral director, but then got into music. He went to a little college, private college in Indiana, and he just didn't like it. So he knew it was kind of Korean War. I think it might have been just after the Korean War, but there was still a draft and he was afraid he was going to get drafted. So he signed up, tested very high for language proficiency, went to the army language School in Monterey, which he's from Springfield, Illinois. And he's like, monterey was the prettiest place he'd ever been in his life. And he was like, they give him a choice of which languages do you want to choose? And he's like, which one keeps me here longest? And they're like, all the other ones, most of them are six months, but Chinese and Russian are a year. You could stay here for a year. And he's like, well, all right, I'll take Russian. And that became his vocation. He ended up in the northern Japan translating literally.

[Unnamed Guest]

The beauty of Monterey had him choose between Chinese and Russian.

[Ryan Sickler]

Absolutely.

[Unnamed Guest]

And he was like.

[Ryan Sickler]

He's like, russian, I'm gonna go Russian.

[Unnamed Guest]

But I mean, that's so background, no family, no nothing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Just because.

[Unnamed Guest]

Zero.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. And probably, you know, I bet you, like, if French had kept him there for. He'd probably be like, all right, French, you know, But Russian became his thing. And, you know, it's a Cold war. And for a long time in his career, it was the Cold War made his area of expertise important. And he had a lot. They had a lot of, like, government people. He taught at Indiana University, and he had a lot. They had a lot of government people come through because they needed to have people that were proficient in Russian. And then as soon as the wall fell, it was like, it's another Third World language and nobody gives a shit anymore. But. So, yeah, that was his job. And he. And he had. He was at Grand Valley State and Grand Rapids, Michigan, and they had me. I had an old. I have an older brother who's two years older, and in about a year and a half, they moved to Bloomington, Indiana, where my dad settled at Indiana University, and he taught there his whole career.

[Unnamed Guest]

Russian. Did he teach.

[Ryan Sickler]

He taught Russian, Yeah. And then when I was four, he came out of the closet and got a divorce. And my mom took my brother and me back to Illinois to live with her parents, her. My grandparents. So I was kind of. I was raised very much by my grandmother, too, for. Well, we were in her house for.

[Unnamed Guest]

Is this your mom's mom?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, my mom's mom. We were in her house for probably about five years.

[Unnamed Guest]

All right, so you've got an extended family helping.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then my mom got remarried, had two more kids. So I have a half brother and sister who were twins who are nine years younger than me. And we moved out when she got remarried. But then when my grandpa died, we moved back into that house. So I lived in the house that my great grandfather built.

[Unnamed Guest]

Whoa.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Built.

[Ryan Sickler]

Built.

[Unnamed Guest]

Wow.

[Ryan Sickler]

Built. Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

What year did he build it in? Do you remember?

[Ryan Sickler]

I want to say 1890.

[Unnamed Guest]

18, dude.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure it was awesome because my grandfather. My grandfather was born on the dining room table, like our dining room table. He was born on that table.

[Unnamed Guest]

They tell you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah. So. And you know, my grandpa died. He was.

[Unnamed Guest]

Built the house. He couldn't build a new fucking table for Grace.

[Ryan Sickler]

Look, you gotta make just a picnic.

[Unnamed Guest]

Table out back, for God's sake.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, this table. This table too was. It was an amazing old table.

[Unnamed Guest]

That Game of Thrones type tables.

[Ryan Sickler]

It expands. I forget what you call it. And then there's leaves that you put in it. And it had been. You could seat 20 people around. You could seat either like six or 20. And there were, like, supports that you had to put up. And we had, you know, when I was younger and my grandparents. Siblings were still alive, you know, we would have big Thanksgivings and big Christmases and we would. It would, you know, have a lot of big, you know, family around, a lot of old depressed Swedes. There's. There's pictures of like, especially like my. My Grandma Grace, my mom's mom's family, or all these old Swedes. And it's like here they are at a big family reunion and, you know, like, I don't know, in Minnesota or somewhere, and it's this big table and it's like beautiful, sort of like woodsy area. And everyone just looks like this miserable, like. Yeah, just like. Just miserable. Like they're just like. They're waiting to get a tooth pulled or something. Just miserable. So. Yeah. So depression was a. Yeah. Was a constant, you know, in Our.

[Unnamed Guest]

Dad comes out of the closet when you're four.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Now, do you remember this? Do you remember?

[Ryan Sickler]

No, I don't. I don't.

[Unnamed Guest]

When are you told that?

[Ryan Sickler]

Huh?

[Unnamed Guest]

When are you informed about this?

[Ryan Sickler]

My dad told me and my brother. I don't exactly remember, but I bet I was probably. I bet I was eight. Probably eight or nine. Yeah. Still young.

[Unnamed Guest]

But he told your mom.

[Ryan Sickler]

He told us. And he and my mom apparently was a conflict between them that he wanted to tell us. And, you know, and I mean, he also. It was also like weirdly wrapped in two to the birds and bees talk. And it all start. It started. I just. It was, you know, it's all this kind of shit that you hear as a kid, and for years and years you're like, yeah, that happened. That was how that happened. And then later you're like, oh, that's fucking weird. You know. He had bought my brother and me a pop up book about how babies are born and sent it to us. And my mom felt that we were too young to see it and. Which was. I mean, I'm kind of surprised because my mom was really permissive. Like, she was not uptight or conservative. I don't know why. She just decided we were too young to see it. So the next time we went down to Springfield, Illinois to visit my grandparents, my dad's parents, we were. It was Christmas time or one of the holidays, and he was like, come on, we got to go to the mall. And we're like, oh, okay, get in the car and go to the mall. And. And he said, he. He drove us to a park, like this big park in Springfield, and then just like pulled in, parked the car and said, I want to talk to you guys about something. Turned around and told, you know, and he told us the birds and bees part of it first. First. And then said, but there are some people who like bees and bees. Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. There are some people who are attracted to other, you know, and he's like.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, you're getting the birds and bees. And also the talk about, hey, yeah, there's also this thing called homosexuality, basically.

[Ryan Sickler]

Damn.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's allotted and me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

And my daughter's mom won't let her get her ears pissed till she's 13. Really?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

She thinks that's too young.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I'm thinking, wow, it's heavy.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. You know what I want to say I was 9 or 10, because I'm putting it together because I just was remembering, like, the birds and the bees. My brother and I already kind of knew because we live next door to like these older brothers.

[Unnamed Guest]

All you need.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Older kids told us everything. So we already kind of knew, you know, the basics, the basic mechanics of the whole process. But he told us that. And I was kind of like, okay, you know, you're gay. And I don't know if I was young enough that it didn't matter too much. Yeah. That it just was kind of like, you know, it was just information. And I mean, you know, my kids, like, kids get the way people are. Like, how. What do I tell my children? You just tell them, you know, like there's a couple at church that are two men that are married. What do I tell my kids? Tell them there's two men at church that are fucking married. That's it. It's like, because my older kids, I have a 23 year old and an 18 year old and they grew up, you know, they grew up in la, so they grew up in a very open environment. My son is gay. My son came out to me when he was 11. Came out to me and my ex w when he was 11. They have lived in a very open environment. All of this sort of what is confusing to old people like me about the they thems and the gender fluidity. It's not at all confusing to them. They. Somebody, a young person comes to them and says, I'm not a he or a she, I'm a they. And that's. And they go, okay. There's no like, well, how does that work? Yeah, you know, well, what team are you going to play on? You know, it's just. Okay.

[Unnamed Guest]

Our age was like, we're going to go with the homosexuality.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

And that's it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

I don't know. My mind could get anything else.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, it is, it is funny too because there have been, there have been like kids that, you know, like later it turns out like, you know what, she was just a lesbian. It's almost like kind of like it was. They thought for a while that they were something. But yeah, that's just her. That's just a lesbian. But yeah. So.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay, so wait, can I ask you a few questions? You stayed close with your dad and your mom, but you're living with mom?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes.

[Unnamed Guest]

Are you close with your dad or is this like a weekend thing where.

[Ryan Sickler]

It was staying in Bloomington. Stayed in Bloomington, Indiana.

[Unnamed Guest]

And how far is that?

[Ryan Sickler]

Right, that's about, that's about four hours. Okay, that's about four hours by car. And. But we used to take the train and stuff. And, and there was.

[Unnamed Guest]

Did you ever meet any of his partners?

[Ryan Sickler]

No, because he never really had any long term partners. I see he had sort of, I think hookups and, and Bloomington is a, is a very. It. It's in southern Indiana and it's a college town and it's so it's like there's. It is a bastion of kind of liberal weirdness and especially in Indiana. Like that's the, that's where all the gay people in Indiana are.

[Unnamed Guest]

I gotcha.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is at Bloomington. But you go outside of the college and it. There's people that talk like this. Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

You know, I've spent time there.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. And so I think my dad had some like, kind of tallies that he, that he, you know, just had kind of a regular thing with. But I just, I don't know how good he would be at a long term relationship. He's a very. He's a very combative guy. And we. We haven't spoken in years.

[Unnamed Guest]

Really.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, we there. We had a falling out. Just kind of. And basically because I. I'm trying to say it because I don't want to get too much into it because I'm sure he doesn't appreciate me talking about it, but it is, it's my life too. And he is my dad. And you know, one of the things that I don't think he understood was what it means to be a parent is to mean that you give and give and give and that it's not a quid pro quo. Like it's not. You're not. When you give to your child, it's not an investment that you expect to eventually have a payoff. You do it because that's what you do.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's right.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I just don't. Once I had kids, there's a lot of things that. When I had kids that as I said this sort of the same thing stuff that you just got used to as a kid that when you get to be an adult you're like, that was weird. Same thing with parenting. There was stuff like. That was actually kind of hurtful to me. Like the fact that, I mean I saw my dad probably two weeks out of the year and he was four hours away. And when he would come, like he would sort of. When he would drive to get us, like somebody would have to meet him halfway to get us. And I just cannot conceive because I got divorced. I cannot conceive of. Even if I was four hours away.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's San Francisco.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's. I would see my kids more than two weeks a year.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh God.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Unnamed Guest]

Like it would destroy me not to.

[Ryan Sickler]

It'd be every other weekend or something like that. No doubt. You know, and you know, come stay with me for the summer kind of stuff. And they're just. I just don't know that for whatever reason he did not do that. And I, and, and I honestly that is kind of frustrating and hurtful to me.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And. And so there, you know. But that's like he, you know, I. So yeah. We haven't talked because also too. Where there's problems with. Between him and my ex wife and just. And basically he did not like that I didn't just do as he said and didn't just support him and whatever he felt. And if he felt, if there was a conflict between him and my Ex wife, that I should take his side. And I told him numerous times, check with anybody. Ask them if I have a child and they're married to somebody and there's a conflict between me and their spouse, should they take my side or the spouse's side? Everyone will tell you, no, no, this is their spouse. They have to take the spouse's side. That's like. I mean, unless the spouse is smoking crack, you know, and abusing children, they're gonna. That's how it works, you know, And I don't think he could really handle that, so.

[Unnamed Guest]

Can I ask you this close with your mom?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, I am.

[Unnamed Guest]

I am. Do you know if your mom had a hunch that your dad might be gay back then?

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Unnamed Guest]

Or was it a shock?

[Ryan Sickler]

She told me it blindsided her, which. But these are 50, you know, she was born in 1940. I think my dad was born in 1937. They were. I mean, truly a different age. Because if you meet my dad, you're like, well, what a distinguished old homosexual. You know? You know, it's like. It is not. It is not. You know, he's got. He's got 5,000 classical music albums.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, he's a huge opera fan. Like, there's just all these things that we now just process as, like, oh, that's a gay person. But no, she didn't. She said that there was a flood of. Oh, like, things that happened.

[Unnamed Guest]

In hindsight.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. That in hindsight, she saw. But no, she was very. She was very floored by it.

[Unnamed Guest]

Did he ever tell her or did she catch him? Like, how did that come about?

[Ryan Sickler]

I do not know exactly. But I think he came out to her, and I found out years later that he wanted to stay married. He's like, let's see if we can work this out. Because I do believe he really did love my mother. And they had. My mother's older sister. Pat was. She was like the star of my life. And probably. Probably the main reason why I'm in show business, because she. And I said this. I didn't write. I said this while I was kind of eulogizing her at a family memorial thing. I said she insisted on having fun, like, all the time. Like, she just. She'd come to town and it was like the circus was in town. She was a star in my life. And when she would come visit, it was exciting. Aunt Patty's coming.

[Unnamed Guest]

And you didn't have that when dad was coming?

[Ryan Sickler]

Not that well, no, I was. I was very excited. I love my dad very Much. And I. And I missed him tremendously. And it was very hurtful to be separate from him, which is one of the reasons why it's hurtful in retrospect, that I did not see him as much as I did.

[Unnamed Guest]

But Patty was something.

[Ryan Sickler]

She was. She was the superstar of my life. Yeah. She was my favorite person, and I was her favorite person.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

And my dad and Pat went to high school together, and they were best friends. And they both were fucking funny people. Both. I mean, my dad's one of the sharpest, wittiest, you know, funniest people you'll ever meet. Just an amazingly big brain and very witty and very, you know, and likes to laugh and stuff. But also, you know, numerous times I saw him make clerks cry. Cause he felt like he was not getting the service he should. But they were best friends. And my mom was kind of the little sister tagalong while she was in junior high and they were in high school. And then it just kind of developed into a romance between my mom and dad. And I really do think that there was a real romance there. And I do think they really did love each other. But I just, you know, it's. It's. It's just kind of the tragedy of a world where people can't be who they want to be.

[Unnamed Guest]

I was just about to say, imagine being stuck in a prison where you. You're in the military back then. You better not fucking be gay.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. You better not let anybody know. I mean, so many just prisons and traps all along that way.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

That is doomed for failure that way.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. And it's one of the things, too, like, from having a gay son, having a gay child. When I hear about parents that are shitty to their kids when they come out, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. But there was a time when it would, like, it was so upsetting to me and it would make me so angry and so furious that how someone could do that, how their child feeling safe enough or just in some cases, desperate enough to say, hey, here's. I got some unpopular news you're not going to, like.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, I'm struggling with this.

[Ryan Sickler]

Here it is. And. And to not go.

[Unnamed Guest]

Who cares?

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you. Thank you for telling me that, you know, like, go be yourself and go love whoever the you want to love. You know, it's. It's still. It still upsets me, but not like there was just a while, you know, and as me, you know, as my son was going through school.

[Unnamed Guest]

Can I stop you for One second. Just ask you. So you said he came out to you at 11?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Did you already have talks with him about your father being gay? Like, did you make it known or anything? So he was comfortable enough or you just.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't. I don't have any recollection of doing that. We had gay friends and he.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay, so we.

[Ryan Sickler]

We were friends with gay couples.

[Unnamed Guest]

All right, so he was.

[Ryan Sickler]

He.

[Unnamed Guest]

He wasn't an outsider.

[Ryan Sickler]

Necessarily.

[Unnamed Guest]

Necessarily. Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, no. And. And. And it was funny, too, because I. When he was little, he really seemed to be drawn to the gay men in our life, like, so I think he was ident. You know, just. There's just that natural identification that, you know, you read about people having science. Yeah. And so. So that was kind of like. And I did. I was not expecting. Expecting. I didn't, like, look at him and think, you know, I think my son might be gay. I didn't. But then I. That's also too, like. I. I don't. I try not to lay things on people until they tell me what they are, you know?

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, that's the other thing I'm sitting here laughing about. Our generation is like, I'm. I don't think about if my kid's gay.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

You know what I mean? And then this generation's like, I don't think about if my son's a girl or not. I'm like, what?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

I'm a little.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

I'm trying to keep up.

[Ryan Sickler]

Everybody.

[Unnamed Guest]

Right. It's changing.

[Ryan Sickler]

It.

[Unnamed Guest]

It's advancing quickly.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's changing. But honestly, it all ends. It's all.

[Unnamed Guest]

It all ends up the same.

[Ryan Sickler]

It all ends up being like. It's not that big a deal, you know? I mean, and it's not anything that we can't handle. It's not anything we can't understand because there have been certainly. I mean, there's societies that we think of as primitive that handled all this a lot better than we do, you know?

[Unnamed Guest]

Good point. Yeah, good point. Okay, so now you're living with mom and your grandmom's involved. So what's it like having just a primary and. And Pat. Is it Pat or Patty? Pat.

[Ryan Sickler]

Pat. She was Pat now, but Aunt Patty when she was younger.

[Unnamed Guest]

So you've got three very prominent ladies in your life now.

[Ryan Sickler]

Absolutely.

[Unnamed Guest]

What's that like?

[Ryan Sickler]

I was very. I was.

[Unnamed Guest]

Did you look for a male influence? Did they bring one in or were these teachers, coaches, that sort of thing? Like.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't Seem to. I had my Uncle Bill. I love my Uncle Bill, my mom's older brother, and he was local and I loved him very much and he was fun and I liked having him around, but honestly, I didn't really. It didn't seem. I didn't feel like I was missing anything and. But I definitely, I definitely was raised by women. I was in a matriarchy. And I still probably like, if you invite me to your house and it's Thanksgiving or it's the super bowl or whatever, and all the women are in, you know, the Dan and all the men are watching TV and I'm going where the women are.

[Unnamed Guest]

Me too, dude.

[Ryan Sickler]

Because that's where the fun is.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's from my grandmom and her sisters and everything.

[Ryan Sickler]

I.

[Unnamed Guest]

To this day, I love old ladies that play cards, talk shit and watch sports.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

And if there's a gathering of ladies, it's all. I always find it's easier to talk to them.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And they're just, I mean, guys talk about boring shit, like stuff I'm not that interested in, you know, because women talk more about like feelings and relationships and men want to talk about, you know, sports and pussy and you know, I like baseball and I like pussy, but I don't want to talk to anybody about either one that much. You know, not the whole Super Bowl. Yeah. You know, but, but yeah, but no, I like, I mean, I was raised by women and I'm glad, I'm glad and I identify, you know, it's, it's made it so I do identify with women and I, you know, I'm like. I have referred to myself as a feminist which people love to shit on, but it's like you come up with a better word for acknowledging that women get the shit end of the stick just in our society from the get go. And like, sure, there's some ways that they might have their own levers of power over immense and stuff, but no, it's like nobody ever, especially white men, nobody ever was questioning whether or not white men should be able to vote. Like the fact that 50% of the population that they thought they shouldn't have a voice in government is mind blowing to me. And I'm, you know, and it, it makes me angry. And there's thing. And I've always said too that there's two things that if, if you told me that say because of whatever. Because of my. My name starts with an A, that I only get to make 75 cents on the dollar and that other people get to make a dollar, but I only get 75 cents. Cause my name starts with an A. I would be fucking furious around the clock if you told me too. If I also lived in a world where I can't walk to my car at night by myself because someone might forcibly fuck me or kill me or beat the shit out of me. And I have to do that everywhere I am. And every time I want to go to my car by myself or walk two blocks by myself, I would be constantly furious. I would be constantly angry. And I don't understand, you know, that. So I don't understand, like, why that's a problem. Why to feel like that is a problem and makes me like a buzzkill. It's like. It just does not seem fair. It's a really. And I, you know, I think just being around mom and grandma and. And aunts and, you know, that's. That's why my. My best friends are still women. My sister and my wife and, you know, and other friends. You know, my. I have good male friends, too, but, like, the ones that I really lean on are women.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. Well, they shaped your whole.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

View of the world. You saw. You actually saw what they went through.

[Ryan Sickler]

Absolutely.

[Unnamed Guest]

And especially women back then, too.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

It's. The honeydew is sponsored by BetterHelp. I want to take a moment out to thank my producer, Kirsten sitting out there, who is the best. I mean, this lady's a rock. She's come here and worked from day one. Just crushed it. Absolutely crushes it. She's the reason you see a lot of this stuff. And I want to say thank you very much, Kirsten. And this month is all about gratitude. And along with the person I just shouted out, there's another person we don't get to thank enough ourselves. It's sometimes hard to remind ourselves that we are trying our best to make sense of everything. And in this crazy world, that isn't easy. So here's a reminder to send some thanks to the people in your life, including yourself. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. You know, we talk about mental health on this show all the time. It's getting bigger and bigger, which is great, especially men's mental health awareness. So if it's something you're even considering, give it a shot.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right?

[Unnamed Guest]

Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.comHoneydew today to get 10% off your first month that's BetterHelp H E L P.comHoneydew that's BetterHelp H E L p.comHoneydew the Honeydew is sponsored by Liquid IV. Whether you forget to take a sip of water during the office holiday party or you start feeling parched after a long day of traveling, keep Liquid IV on hand to stay hydrated through the holidays. With convenient packets of their hydration multiplier or sugar free hydration multiplier, you get eight vitamins and nutrients, three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, and no artificial sweeteners. It's easy to do. You just grab 16 ounces of water. You tear, you pour, you shake and you sip one stick and 16 ounces of water hydrates better than water alone. Powered by Liquid IV hydroscience and optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins and clinically tested nutrients that turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration. Three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, eight essential vitamins and nutrients, always non gmo, vegan, gluten free, dairy free and soy free. Stay hydrated through the holidays with Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquid IV.com and use code Honeydew at checkout. That's 20% off your first order when you shop better hydration today using promo code [e-mail] now let's get back to the Duke. I mean, so if you're. You say you lived in a house your grandfather built or great, great grandfather built. So. Yeah, your great grandmom's not voting no. And neither are probably their kids.

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. When was it for women? When? What year was it? 19. What?

[Ryan Sickler]

It's in the 20s, I think.

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, maybe their kids were the first.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it was the twenties.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. I. It's so funny. I'm so ignorant sometimes. I had a friend say to me, and this was just like in the last two years, like, ryan, do you get scared about any woman that passes you on the sidewalk? And I was like, no. No, not once. And also, most men I'm not scared of pass me on the sidewalk.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right, Right.

[Unnamed Guest]

Even a muscular dude walking by, I don't think he's gonna come at me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right.

[Unnamed Guest]

But they do.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Because they have.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

And I'm like, yeah. And it hit me then to like, imagine every male that walks by, you got to worry about like, can. Because also biologically, he's going to fucking out muscle you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

And he can take you just because he wants to. That's a fucked up world.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. You know, and I'll be honest, there's a few people at night when I'm walking in my car and I see those sketchy people. I don't know, I kind of hope one of them wants to do something every now and then, but I bet.

[Ryan Sickler]

You a lady doesn't because you got to work something out. You got some old ear issues you want to work out on somebody.

[Unnamed Guest]

Shit, I want to take out. Yeah. Legally. Yeah. All right. So growing up through. Are you playing sports and what are you doing?

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm playing sports. I have an older brother who's three years older than me who's a bit a big in sport as a basketball too. He's. I'm six one, he's like six five.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

So he was. He played basketball. I played sports too. I played Little League, you know, but I wasn't really like. And my mom is a tomboy. Like my mom taught me to. Like, she did what her. The way her brother taught her, which is stand us up against the barn, which was. Had been at that point converted into a garage. There was no animals in it. Stood me up against the garage door and threw a baseball at me as hard as she could. And she could throw it really fucking hard.

[Unnamed Guest]

You mean with a glove so you catch it?

[Ryan Sickler]

No, that was playing catch. And it was like, I'm going to throw this at you hard and you have to catch it. And so it wasn't like I didn't have. I would, you know. You know, I didn't. I definitely didn't have a male influence that was like, let's sit down and watch the ball game. My grandpa watched the Cubs all the time, but he was so old, you know, like, we didn't. He was really old. And so it was like, grandpa's watching the baseball game. And, you know, when I was a little kid, baseball was boring. I didn't have anybody kind of explain it to me. And then when I got into high school, I played football for a while and I played tennis and I did play. Played baseball a year, played basketball a couple years. But towards the end of high school too, I got a job. I stopped playing sports.

[Unnamed Guest]

What'd you do?

[Ryan Sickler]

I worked at a grocery store. I mean, I've had jobs. I've been working since I was 13 because I had paper routes. I started with paper routes, a couple different ones. And then. And also too, my stepfather had a plumbing business and I used to go in the summertime I go to work with him. There was. Most days throughout the summer I would go to the. I would either be in the shop selling parts or I would go out with the plumber to help, you know, crawling under houses and stuff. And I, There was time last summer my daughter and I went to a place to get a breakfast burrito and, and I saw like a dad, like a tradesman, like he's a carpenter or something and like his like 8 year old son sitting with him. And I was like, I got like a contact, like, oh my God, that poor kid, like got to go to different job sites. And it just was, it was not fun. I didn't, you know, and it was probably very formative to me on like the workaday world where I was just like, ugh, this is not fun.

[Unnamed Guest]

Not for me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

And how do you feel like growing up with your dad and distance and, you know, being that way and your mom and the ladies in your life. How do you feel that has affected you as a parent? They're shaped the way you parent?

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, people, you know, and I had kids early for like my group of friends. Like I was one of the first people in my group of friends to have kids.

[Unnamed Guest]

How old were you for your first kid?

[Ryan Sickler]

27. Okay, yeah, 27. No, wait, no. 34. What am I talking about? No, because I was born in 66 and he was born in 2000. So. Yeah, yeah, 34. So I was a little. And my, my ex wife and I had been married for seven years before we had kids.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

We, there was a miscarriage and you know, so we had, we were together for a while and then. But you know, so it's like, I didn't, I didn't. We, we would have had kids earlier, but there was like, I say there was a miscarriage and then work things that came up for her that was just like, she's like, well, I got this job that I, I don't want to get pregnant right now. So it took us a little bit more, but we, so it was, we'd been together for seven years. At nine, if you married for seven years. So it was a little bit late, but it was still kind of early for most of my, you know, I mean, show business people tend to have kids a little bit later. You know, I, I don't, I think.

[Unnamed Guest]

These days a lot of people are having them later.

[Ryan Sickler]

Absolutely. Yeah. No, I mean, I think it's still very common to be like, to think back to people having kids that are 20 and man, like what?

[Unnamed Guest]

Seeing what our parents went through and how expensive it is now, too. Like, it's.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

It makes sense to me. I know mother nature wants us to have them younger, but. Yeah, good luck affording that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But a lot of people, you know, ask me about, like, fathering and what is my philosophy of fathering. And it's like, I don't really. I kind of feel like I just mother because that's what I, you know, like, I'm just mothering. I'm just not mothering because that's what I know. Like, I don't know.

[Unnamed Guest]

What's your secret to fatherhood? Is mothering.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Just be a mother, you know? And I mean, I can't be a mother. I can't, because I'm. I just can't. And there definitely is gender differences in terms of ways that I can care for the child that I, you know, that not. I'd say there's more ways that I. That my wife can care for the child than I can't. Then there's not a lot of ways that, like, I can care for the child that she can't. You know, I mean, it's just. She's mommy, and mommy is the queen of the kid's life and that you just, you know, you gotta roll with that. So I don't. I just am trying to be supportive and kind of, you know, go with my gut. And early on, when I. When I had kids and also be honest to them and. And respect them. And a big thing like that I found support them is having the ability to apologize to them if you fuck up. Because I don't feel like anybody ever did that. Like, I don't feel like anybody ever said, hey, I yelled at you too much just then. Oh, you know, like, no, there was nothing like that. Or like, I have been yelling at you for the last seven years. And I'm sorry because I'm very upset about a lot of other stuff, but it comes out on you. Yeah. So I. But, you know, but I also, too, now that my. I have older kids, there is one. One aspect of parenting that I'm not. I don't exactly know what to do with. And that is in terms of inspiring them to be ambitious. Because I know so many people that they. That wanting to prove something to usually their father, but often to both parents. But, like, I want to prove to them that I am. And then you fill in the blank. I never had that. I didn't feel I didn't have anything to prove. To anybody. I just had my own desire to do fun stuff for a living and to, you know, like, I like movies and tv, so maybe I'll go work over there and you know, when I, you know, I make people laugh. So maybe I'll figure out a way to do that. And I like to do it with people. Oh, I'll do improv, you know, but never, like, I was never trying to show my dad. Like, I'll show you. I'm gonna get into long form improv, you know. Yes. And you did that. So I wonder, like, was I supposed to do more of that? Was I supposed to do more like, you've gotta get good grades and you've got it.

[Unnamed Guest]

Cause, you know, more of it too, as a parent to your kids.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, to like. Yeah, to like.

[Unnamed Guest]

Did your kids get good grades?

[Ryan Sickler]

They got, they did get good grades, but they, but I, you know, I don't know.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay, looking back, now that you've got their adults, you're two growns, right? They're adults. What would you have done differently?

[Ryan Sickler]

Probably nothing. I mean, probably nothing. And I also, probably am the main thing that I'm also like, because they are going out into the world and they're turning into adults and that gives me anxiety and I'm probably just projecting the shit that I don't like about myself that, you know, like my own sort of like, I should have worked harder, I should have tried harder. I should have taken the world by the balls more and you know, rather than just kind of being passive in my work life and just sort of going with the flow, I should have written more and, you know, pushed more and you know, and now I'm old enough that I'm kind of like, eh, you didn't. Maybe that wasn't you. Maybe, maybe you did exactly what you were supposed to do and just spent a lot of time feeling shitty about it. And now, and I mean, and it has been in the last few, like, I just kind of decided to stop feeling shitty about it. To stop going to bed feeling like I didn't do enough today.

[Unnamed Guest]

How is that a mental thing you're doing yourself?

[Ryan Sickler]

Just trying to really change. Yeah, that I'm not working hard enough. That I. That, yeah, I got this thing going. And I mean, and people hear this too, and they're like, I've had a really nice career. And I. And I. And I am a really nice, A really nice life. And people are like, what the fuck are you talking about? It's been really nice. And I'm like, yes, I know it's nice, but that doesn't matter in here, you know, because I'm still the same fucking asshole that I always was, like picking on myself about, which, you know, which I'm not any. I don't do that anymore. Like a huge thing that I'm. That I came to in my life was realizing that the people that talk nice to me, I'll do anything for them. Like if I'm in a job situation like I used to work freelance in film production in Chicago. Bosses that were nice to me and treated me well and, you know, were happy to see me and I'd do anything for them. The ones that treated me shitty and that looked down their nose at me and were kind of assholes to me. I'd fucking steal money from them, you know, I'd make up petty cash receipts and take money from them. And I started to think, well, the way that you talk to yourself, if you, if you tell yourself you're a piece of shit and oh, there you go, lazy fucking, you know, asshole, not doing what he's supposed to doing that per. That voice, that voice is just going to make you go, well, fuck that guy. I'm not going to listen to that guy. I'm not going to do what that guy wants. Whereas if I tell myself you're good at stuff and you know, try a little harder and you can do it and you know, and you know, and think about like, you know, how much better you feel when you are productive as opposed to when you're not productive and you know, and when you exercise and when you get out and do, you know, talk to myself with kindness and it's gonna. And it's like, oh yeah, it's better over here. Now at T Mobile get four 5G phones on us and four lines for.

[Andy Richter]

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[Ryan Sickler]

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[Ryan Sickler]

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[Unnamed Guest]

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[Ryan Sickler]

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[Unnamed Guest]

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[Andy Richter]

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[Unnamed Guest]

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[Andy Richter]

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[Unnamed Guest]

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[Andy Richter]

That reading feeling awaits.

[Unnamed Guest]

But what made you hit that wall? What made you finally go, enough of this fucking shit? Cause I do. I look in the mirror and I don't say kind things. I'm not looking at things and going, your nose looks great, you're great. I'm like, look at your fucking skin.

[Ryan Sickler]

The physical stuff, I just, I'm like, I just shove that in a drawer. Because I never am gonna, like, I never am gonna enjoy the sound of my own voice. I'm never gonna like the way I look. I just think, you know, I can look at some pictures, go, hey, I look pretty good there. But most of the time I'm going to be like, oh my God, what a fucking pile of pudding you are, you know?

[Unnamed Guest]

But what did you hit where you're like, no more. I'm going to bed feeling good about myself, damn it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, I'm not exactly sure. Like, there was no, like, you know, shaft of heavenly light that hit me. Yeah, but it was. It's a combination of lots of therapy, medication. I do think that at some point, like, just my brain aged into not being so sad all the time. I don't. I might be wrong about that, but I just kind of feel like, you know, like the way, you know, people late in life develop a shellfish allergy, you know, I mean, it's like my brain just like, it just evolved in a way. It's like, hey, we don't have to be sa. Saddle like, the serotonin got fixed or whatever. And I also started to. I also started to be a little more honest, be a lot more honest with myself about situations that were making me unhappy and stopping those situations and, and, and. And feeling like my eyes kind of being open to. Well, a. Yes, I definitely do realize that I. And this is like, towards the end of my marriage, there was a day when I can. I was sitting on the side of my bed looking out the window, and I just thought, the rest of my life cannot be this. Like, this is like like what was like, just like the best I could expect was kind of a detente, you know, like, kind of like just tolerating each other. And I just was like, I don't, I can't do that because I'm, you know, I mean, you. When you think about your life in chunks, you know, it's like, there's your childhood, then there's your adult life and now I'm going into like the later adult life into, you know, hello, grave. And I do think, like, it's like, you know, this is. I'm reaching a two thirds point here and I don't want to. I can't do this anymore. And you know, and there were lots of attempts to reverse that and it was fucking awful. The worst thing I've ever been through and. But it was, it was necessary and it was. And it was painful and awful and I never in a million. I never want. I think I was so in reaction to my mom's two divorces because I lived through her second divorce, which involved some alcoholism and some abuse and the sheriff coming to our house kind of stuff. And I think I was so affected by that. Well, a. When I was a kid, like, it made. I. It was like I was never going to get laid because I couldn't just fucking relax. Every time I'd meet somebody, I'd be. It'd be like they'd do, you know, they'd say something that I was like, well, we're not getting married, you know. And not that I had any moral hang up about you gotta be getting married to have sex with somebody, but just I was. Everything was so dire. Like I just couldn't relax and have fun when it came to having a woman in my life. And eventually I just had to kind of. Eventually you gotta relax. And I was able to kind of relax and learn how to enjoy dating and enjoy having a girlfriend and. But a lot of it, I did do a lot of lopsided giving versus taking with all of my relationships. And I sort of like started to. Like I said on one of the. I think it was on, you know, it's like it's now it's not as. I didn't tweet it because I'm not on Twitter very much anymore, but. But I said like, you know the thing nobody tells you about life, that it takes like about 50, 40 or 50 years to get the hang of it. Yeah. You know, being alive, it takes that long.

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, also, I'm sitting here thinking too, like, as children, we're just pushed and pulled in these places and directions with these people that we're we forced to go, yeah, once your children are now adults, it's like, okay, at least we get some say yes now. And I can try to figure out what the fuck I'm doing. But that's a 20. You still another 30 years before you finally go the same. I think about parenting all the time and what a long term game it is. It's not until your kids are probably in their 30s and if you live long enough for them to come back and be like, man, how'd you do it? How'd you do this and that? You know, it's like, yeah, you know, it's not that instant hit, like stand up is with a joke and a laugh right away.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's an transaction. And it is, it's again, stand up. Or any kind of. It's a transaction. I give you this and you give me something back.

[Unnamed Guest]

Hopefully.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. And with kids like all you really hope for is love. And there are, there's whole swaths of their development where they're not even going to give you love. They're part of their development is going to be hating your fucking guts. And they have to like, it's natural and good for them to be like, you don't know anything, you fucking old idiot. That's like, that's like how they become healthy adults is to say, fuck you. You know, that's, you know, baby, baby. Something that was fascinating to me is, and I read this somewhere, you know, there's that when babies are born, like there's that those early, early developmental stages where they don't even understand that they're separate from Mommy, that mom, that they and mommy are the same thing. And it's, and there, there reaches a particular point, I don't remember what point it is where they are like, no, I am a different person. Mommy is their own person. I'm my own person. And usually the first verbal like expression of that selfness is saying no. It's saying, because go here, lay down here, come over here, eat, you know, change your diaper. Like everything is. Yes. Until it's like, wait a minute, I have a personality, I'm my own thing. And I'm going to say no, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to stop the flow of things. And that's, you know, that that's, it's, it's just, it's interesting to me that like, like, no, but like a big part of taking care of yourself and being a healthy grown up is when you say no and when you like going, I am going to speak up and I am going to do something.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, I wish I learned that earlier. So I'm still shitty with boundaries.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I try. I try to get better and I try, you know, and I.

[Unnamed Guest]

How many moves I went on just because I wasn't comfortable with, you know, helping people move, just because I'm uncomfortable with boundaries. Like, yeah, I'll come help you. I don't want to help you.

[Ryan Sickler]

I know I had a pickup truck.

[Unnamed Guest]

Y'all, dude, forget.

[Ryan Sickler]

And it. But it got to the point where I was like, you can have my truck, but I'm not gonna.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Still help.

[Ryan Sickler]

I got other things.

[Unnamed Guest]

I can't.

[Ryan Sickler]

I got something else. But you can have my truck. And then, you know, and people bring it back on empty with a ashtray full of cigarette butts. Just my fucking friends, you know.

[Unnamed Guest]

Dude, thank you for doing this.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, you're welcome. It was great.

[Unnamed Guest]

It was.

[Ryan Sickler]

It was great to talk to you.

[Unnamed Guest]

Before we wrap up. Advice you would give to 16 year old Andy Richter.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, I did a live version of my podcast in San Francisco with Rachel Dratch, and somebody asked that question and I said it and it's. It's. You know, I knew it would probably get.

[Unnamed Guest]

Do you remember what you said?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I said, learn to love cardio. And, you know, I mean, it got. I knew it would get a laugh, but it was. I was also kind of like, I'm not really kidding, like, and. But I would expand that a little bit more to myself. But I mean, that's like one aspect of it. But it would just be sort of like, push a little harder on the sort of drudgery of making yourself better. Like, push a little harder on exercising and push a little harder on saying goodbye to people that treat you shitty. Push a little harder on working on things, you know, on, like on expressing yourself. Push a little harder, you know, to. And get used to get into the habit of pushing because I do feel like I went with the flow a lot where I could have, if I had had a little bit more discipline and a little bit more practice at pushing against the flow of things and saying, nope, I'm going to go another way. I think I would have. I think I'd be a little better off just sort of, you know, like I say it's always weird to say these kind of things because I'm very happy. I like my life a lot, you know, and I don't really have a lot of regrets. I think if I would have moved to a place where they had good public schools to raise my first two kids, that I think I could have done because I spent a lot of money, a lot of money on private schools. But other than that, I'm like, no. Everything. Everything that's happened to me had to happen in the way that it did and had to unfold in the way that it did. But I do think that I would be in a better place and I would like myself better and I would, you know, I would have gotten to where I am quicker if I had been more practiced in having discipline in pushing myself to be better at stuff.

[Unnamed Guest]

Great answer. Thank you again. Thank you. And promote whatever you'd like one more time.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, there's the Andy Richter Collins show on Sirius XM channel 104. And then which is on Wednesdays. And then the three questions, which is also on that channel. It plays there, but you can get it wherever you get podcasts and the three Questions with Andy Richter and. And that's it.

[Unnamed Guest]

Thank you, Andy Richter.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're welcome.

[Unnamed Guest]

This was great.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're welcome.

[Unnamed Guest]

As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Thank you guys very much. We'll talk to you all next week.

[Ryan Sickler]

After investing billions to light up our network, T Mobile is America's largest 5G network. Plus right now you can switch keep your phone and we'll pay it off up to $800. See how you can save on every plan vs Verizon and at&t@t mobile.com Keep.

[Andy Richter]

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[Ryan Sickler]

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