Episode Summary: "Kirsten Schwickerath - KirstenDew"

Release Date: December 30, 2024

In this deeply personal and introspective episode of "The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler," host Ryan Sickler welcomes his producer, Kirsten Schwickerath, to share her compelling journey through adversity, self-discovery, and resilience. Drawing from her own experiences, Kirsten opens up about her complex family dynamics, academic struggles, abusive relationships, mental health challenges, and the path she took to find healing and love. This episode stands as a testament to the human spirit's ability to overcome profound obstacles and emerge stronger.

1. Introduction and Setting the Stage

The episode begins with Ryan expressing heartfelt gratitude to his listeners and introducing Kirsten Schwickerath, his producer. At [02:16], Ryan states:

“Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants Studios... I am very excited for this episode. This is our end of the year 2024 episode. It's been a hell of a year.”

Ryan acknowledges the milestone of celebrating five years of the podcast, setting a tone of reflection and appreciation.

2. Family Background and Early Life

Kirsten delves into her upbringing in a small town in Southern Iowa, painting a vivid picture of her early environment. At [05:50], she shares:

“So I'm from a really small town in Southern Iowa called Melcher, Dallas. If people are familiar with Sprint cars, it's right next to, like, the Sprint car National of the world. It's called Knoxville.”

She discusses the close-knit nature of her community, where graduating with a class of just 15 students fostered strong, enduring relationships. Kirsten reflects on the unique challenges and benefits of growing up in such an intimate setting, highlighting how it shaped her sense of belonging and interpersonal skills.

3. Transition to College and Emerging Struggles

Moving from high school to college marked a significant turning point for Kirsten. The increased independence and academic pressures were overwhelming, especially as she began to grapple with undiagnosed ADHD. At [19:55], she candidly admits:

“I was totally lost... I was just kinda dopamine sinking. I was lost, and I was just trying to... It was this weird mix of going from, like, high school was so easy, and I felt so smart. And now it's like, were you lied to the whole time?”

Kirsten discusses how the lack of structure and support in college exacerbated her ADHD symptoms, leading to academic probation and a series of tumultuous relationships that further destabilized her mental health.

4. Navigating Abusive Relationships

A pivotal and harrowing part of Kirsten's story involves her experience with an abusive relationship. She describes the gradual erosion of her autonomy and self-worth. At [36:22], she recounts:

“He would have to be in there. And he had to sit on the toilet and just watch me and make sure... I was never allowed to be in the bathroom alone.”

Kirsten details the controlling behaviors, emotional manipulation, and physical abuse she endured, painting a stark picture of the isolation and fear that often accompany abusive relationships. She emphasizes the insidious nature of such abuse, where control is exerted through seemingly small, everyday actions that accumulate into profound psychological trauma.

5. Meeting Devin and Finding Stability

Amidst the chaos of her personal struggles, Kirsten meets Devin, who would become her supportive husband. Their meeting was unconventional, facilitated through Tinder while Kirsten was under a pseudonym, seeking connections at house parties. At [27:15], she explains:

“I met him actually, like, my third week of college. When I first up, my first year, I was under a fake name on Tinder. I just wanted to find house parties because that's where I was.”

Their relationship faced early challenges, including Devin's deployment and Kirsten's ongoing battles with mental health. However, their bond strengthened over time, providing Kirsten with the support she desperately needed. She reflects on the serendipitous nature of their connection:

“Devin and I are talking... and then out of nowhere, he just stops messaging me. Just stops messaging me. And so I'm like, all right, whatever.”

This phase highlights Kirsten's resilience and her ability to navigate complex relationship dynamics even amidst personal turmoil.

6. Confronting Mental Health Issues

Kirsten's journey through mental health challenges is a central theme of this episode. She discusses her diagnosis of ADHD and PTSD, and the impact these conditions had on her life. At [21:09], she shares:

“I find out that, like, I get diagnosed with ADHD, and looking back on it now, I think a lot of it was like, I was just... I was kind of dopamine sinking. I was lost, and I was just trying to...”

Her struggles with insomnia, substance abuse, and the subsequent hospitalizations for severe insomnia episodes reveal the depth of her battles. Kirsten provides a raw and honest account of her mental health journey, emphasizing the importance of seeking help and the challenges of navigating the healthcare system.

7. Overcoming Adversity and Healing

Through therapy, supportive relationships, and personal determination, Kirsten begins to reclaim her life. She reflects on the pivotal moments that led to her healing and the rekindling of her relationship with Devin. At [34:24], she muses:

“Going back to your dad, almost losing his arm, if that happens, all these people don't even know exist. And if you don't do exactly what you did in this situation, you may not even have Devin.”

Kirsten discusses the significance of her father’s near-tragic accident and how witnessing resilience in her family inspired her own path to recovery. Her relationship with Devin serves as a cornerstone of her healing process, providing stability and understanding.

8. Insights and Advice for the Younger Self

Towards the end of the episode, Kirsten offers heartfelt advice to her 16-year-old self and listeners who may be facing similar struggles. At [57:34], she wisely advises:

“It's going to be fine. And like nothing, nothing about, like, worrying about tomorrow, like, worrying about tomorrow's problems are just going to take away today's piece.”

Her words encapsulate the essence of her journey—from feeling overwhelmed and lost to finding peace and purpose. Kirsten emphasizes the importance of self-compassion, patience, and the belief that challenges can be overcome with time and support.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Kirsten Schwickerath at [04:11]:
  “I told you yesterday that that same day you called me, your name came up on my Fitbit. I denied it because I got so scared, I thought I was being pranked.”

• Kirsten Schwickerath at [10:28]:
  “That butterfly effect. Like, that one thing changes. And there's this whole line of people that never come along.”

• Kirsten Schwickerath at [21:09]:
  “a lot of the anxiety I had in college was a lot of mismanaged ADHD stuff where it's like my brain was just not functioning how it was supposed to.”

• Kirsten Schwickerath at [27:15]:
  “I met him actually, like, my third week of college... I just wanted to find house parties.”

• Kirsten Schwickerath at [35:16]:
  “Devin and I are together and we're good. He's definitely my person. He's a really great guy.”

• Kirsten Schwickerath at [57:34]:
  “It's going to be fine. And like nothing, nothing about, like, worrying about tomorrow, like, worrying about tomorrow's problems are just going to take away today's piece.”

Conclusion

Kirsten Schwickerath’s narrative is a profound exploration of overcoming personal demons, navigating complex family dynamics, and finding solace in meaningful relationships. Her honesty and vulnerability provide listeners with both empathy and inspiration, embodying the core essence of "The HoneyDew"—highlighting and laughing at life's lowlights while finding the sweet moments within them.

Through this episode, Kirsten not only shares her story but also extends a message of hope and resilience to anyone grappling with similar challenges. Her journey underscores the importance of seeking help, the power of supportive relationships, and the unwavering human spirit's capacity to heal and thrive amidst adversity.

Further Listening:

For those who resonate with Kirsten’s story or are seeking inspiration in overcoming their own challenges, this episode of "The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler" offers a heartfelt and honest portrayal of resilience and the pursuit of happiness despite life's inevitable lows.