The Thing On The Fourble Board by Quiet, Please

Summary

Episode Overview

Podcast: The Horror! (Old Time Radio)
Host: RelicRadio.com
Episode: The Thing On The Fourble Board by Quiet, Please
Date: October 11, 2025

This episode features a classic tale from the influential old time radio series "Quiet, Please"—written by Willis Cooper and first aired in 1948. "The Thing on the Fourble Board" is widely celebrated as one of radio’s most haunting and memorable horror stories. The story, narrated by an ex-roughneck (oil field worker), delves into eerie discoveries at a remote drilling site, touching on themes of primal fear, the unknown beneath the earth, and the consequences of unearthing what should remain hidden. The intimate, slow-unfolding terror, paired with the conversational, confessional tone of its narrator, makes this episode a touchstone in audio horror.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction: Grounding in Reality and Profession (00:02–03:15)

• The host sets the context of the "Quiet, Please" series, highlighting writer Willis Cooper’s role in old time radio horror.
• Ernest Chappell’s narrator, "Porky," introduces himself as a former oil field worker—a roughneck—grounding the story in the mundanity and danger of oil drilling.
• He describes the perils and practicalities of drilling at incredible depths, pondering the mystery of what lies far beneath the earth:

  "I don't think there's an oil man in the world that don't wonder one time or another what's down there besides rock and oil and gas." (02:25)

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2. The Ordinary Becomes Strange: Water in the Well and Unsettling Discoveries (03:15–07:04)

• Billy Grunewald, the geologist, joins the narrator for a late-night dinner at the rig.
• Odd happenings are immediately present: water appearing where it shouldn’t, and unsettling saltiness at unlikely depths.
• The conversation strikes a note of unease:
  • Billy: "Funny about that water." (05:40)
  • Porky: "Everybody's scared of something. Me, spiders scare the tar out of me... I know how you feel, Billy." (07:51)

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3. Uncanny Encounters: Hints of Something Unseen (07:04–10:12)

• Billy is constantly on edge, perceiving presences and sounds that the narrator dismisses.
  • Billy: "You know, I'd have sworn there's somebody up there in that fourble board." (07:13)
• There’s a mounting sense of dread—details like nervousness, darkness, and the physical presence of the drilling rig become ominous.

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4. The Discovery: Artifacts from Below (10:12–14:20)

• Billy inspects the core sample and discovers an impossible artifact:

  "What he was holding was a gold ring... just like jewelry... And then it was my turn to pretty near jump out of my pants because... there was a mud covered but very unmistakable finger." (10:32)

• The finger is solid rock yet seems alive, and disappears when the mud is wiped off.
• The surreal and supernatural break into the scene, leading the men to dull their nerves with gin.
• Nightmares, strange noises, and Billy’s fatal climb up the rig follow. Billy is found dead, with a broken neck and his left little finger—the one with the ring—missing.

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5. Aftermath and Suspicion: Human Attempts at Explanation (14:20–15:42)

• Authorities question Porky about Billy’s death, implying blame:
  • Officer: "Did you and Billy have a fight, Porky?" (14:20)
  • Porky: "Billy Grunwald and I were good friends." (14:30)
• The crew insists on getting back to work, and Porky is reluctantly sent up to the fourble board.

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6. The Second Accident and Abandonment (15:42–17:42)

• As Porky reaches for the drill pipe, disaster strikes:
  • "The cable broke. It dropped and nearly pulled me off the fourble, and it landed right on top of Ted... If you have any idea what a guy looks like after two tons of metal land on him..." (15:54)
• With two tragic "accidents" in succession, the crew abandons the rig, leaving the site a haunted, skeletal remnant.

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7. Revelation and Horror: The Thing Revealed (17:42–22:04)

• Porky returns days later and discovers the gold ring has returned.
• An eerie, childlike crying draws him up the rig where he confronts the Thing:

  "I was alone on the fourble board with the thing, but I couldn't see it. I felt the platform tremble... I fired two or three shots and nothing happened... Without thinking, I picked up a can of red lead and threw it at the sound... there it was." (18:52)

• The spectral being is finally visible:

  "The face of a little girl, frightened, crying with hunger and terror. Hands like a human being. And a finger missing from the left hand. And a body... I'm scared of spiders." (19:08)

• The Thing is revealed as a tragic, not entirely monstrous presence—“invisible and couldn’t see people when it was invisible”—and apparently deaf.

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8. The Truth: The Thing Lives On (22:04–23:04)

• Porky confesses the Thing now lives with him—his wife, Mike, is in fact the creature:

  "I want you to meet my wife. Or rather, my wife wants to meet you. Mike. Mike. There she is. Come on in, dear." (22:04)

• The story ends on a chillingly understated note, implying the narrator has integrated the Thing into his life—a blend of horror, resignation, and even affection.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Porky’s philosophical musing:

  "Oil that's made out of trees that died 20 million years ago. Oil that's made out of dinosaur bones. Oil that's maybe made out of the flesh and blood of men... Ate saber tooth tiger for lunch." (02:25)

• Discovery of the core sample:

  "There was a mud-covered but very unmistakable finger... when the mud was gone, neither one of us could see it." (10:32)

• Billy expresses primal fears:

  "I'm always scared of the dark... I can't help it." (07:33)

• Climax—the Thing revealed:

  "The face of a little girl, frightened, crying with hunger and terror. Hands like a human being. And a finger missing from the left hand." (19:08)

• The narrator’s chilling admission:

  "I want you to meet my wife. Or rather, my wife wants to meet you..." (22:04)

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Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|------------------------------------------------------| | 00:02 | Host introduces "Quiet, Please" and episode context | | 01:07 | Narrator describes life as a roughneck/oil worker | | 03:15 | Musing on the mysterious origins of oil and deep earth| | 04:39 | Billy Grunewald enters the scene | | 05:40 | Oddities and unease—water where it shouldn’t be | | 07:13 | Billy hears someone on the fourble board | | 10:12 | The gold ring and petrified finger discovered | | 12:52 | Billy’s fatal fall | | 14:20 | Authorities arrive, suspicion falls on narrator | | 15:42 | Second deadly accident—Ted is killed | | 17:42 | The abandoned rig—desolation and return | | 18:52 | The Thing is revealed with red paint | | 22:04 | The narrator’s wife is revealed to be the Thing |

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Tone

The episode's tone is intimate but haunted—confessional, practical, and matter-of-fact, with a deep melancholy streak. There’s a subtle sense of a man trying to share, and perhaps unload, a terrible truth he can barely contain, laced with dark resignation and horror.

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Final Note

"The Thing on the Fourble Board" is considered one of the scariest and most artfully written pieces in radio horror, due to its blending of everyday realism with the supernatural and its powerful use of ambiguity. The shifting relationship between the narrator and the creature—culminating in their horrifying domestic arrangement—resonates with listeners and cements its place as a classic.

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For more episodes like this, visit relicradio.com or search for The Horror! on your favorite podcast platform.

Transcript

[Podcast Host]

Welcome back to the Horror Horror Stories from the Golden Age ofradio since 2007@ Relicradio.com. our story comes from Quiet, Please this week, a series written by Willis Cooper, who also started Lights out years before. This one series debuted on June 8th of 1947 over mutual stations. It aired on Mutual until September of 1948 when it moved to ABC Radio. It aired there till June 20, 1949. Produced 106 episodes. The one we'll hear today is from August 9, 1948. Here's the thing on the Forbel board.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

The Mutual Broadcasting System presents Quiet, Please, which is written and directed by Willis Cooper and which features Ernest Chapel. Quiet, Please for tonight is called the Thing on the Portal Board. Me, Amaropnek. Well, I was a roughneck. I mean, 20 years ago. A little too old, too slow now. Besides, I got a dollar now. I don't have to be a roughneck. You see. Married, got a nice home. Had to meet my wife. Hey, Mike. Her name's Maxine, but she likes to be called Mike. Mike. I guess she's busy out in the kitchen someplace. Besides, she doesn't hear very well. Shame, too, she's so pretty and everything. Well, you'll meet her. Sit down. I was saying I was a roughneck. Well, no, that doesn't mean exactly what you think it means. A roughneck is an oil field worker. Specifically, a guy in a drilling crew. Call them roughnecks. Like you call a section hand on the railroad. A gandy dancer, a garage hand, a grease monkey. Same time you work around a drilling crew for a while, you're going to be a roughneck in every sense of the word. Boy, a derrick floor or four ball boards. No place for a guy with a bow tie. Because when you have to fool around with drilling holes that go farther down the ground than it is from the top of Pike's Peak down to sea level. Sure, they do. Time I was a roughneck. We got this one well down to 7,313ft. That was a record. But last May, pure oil brought one in out in Natrona Valley in Wyoming. At 14,309ft. That, friend, is almost three miles. Quite a hole that, huh? Sure. I don't think there's an oil man in the world that don't wonder one time or another what's down there besides rock and oil and gas. Oil that's made out of trees that died 20 million years ago. Oil that's made out of dinosaur bones. Oil that's maybe made out of the flesh and blood of men maybe that beat each other to death with a stone axe. Ate saber toothed tiger for lunch.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Yeah.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Get to wondering, you look at the cores that come up from way down there. And sometimes the little shells, trilobites mostly, that was alive when Manhattan island, where New York is, was under half a mile of ice. We found something once, me and Billy Grunewald. And something found us. I'll tell you about it. We were down to around 5,400ft. We'd set casing. We began to get water so we hadn't stopped drilling, and cement off. Well, you see, when water begins to seep in the hole, you pull your drill pipe. Then you let down a cementing shoe inside the casing and you plug up the bottom of the hole, casing and all, with quick hardening waterproof cement. Then when it's hard, you drill through the cement, go on down. And the cement outside the casing at the bottom keeps the water out. Well, we had the drill pipe all pulled and racked. The cement was setting, see. So he was shut down waiting for it to harden. We'd been coring just before. Well, you see, a core drill is hollow. And as the bit digs down, it stuffs the drillings up inside it. So when you pull it out, you got a sample of the kind of stuff you're going through. And a geologist can tell a lot from that. So there's nobody around the rig except me. That night, the rest of the crew's going into town. I was toasting some pork chops over the forge for myself. I heard a car pulling up. Look out, it's Billy Grunewald, a geologist, and I give him a hello. Hi, Billy. Come and have a pork chop.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Hi, porky. Where's everybody?

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

They all went to town. I'm the whole crew.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

I had three blowouts between here and Oxnard.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

I wondered where you was. Ted said you'd been here about three.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Yeah, I would have been, except for my tough luck. Oh, I'm dead hungry. Starved.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Yeah, I got six, seven pork chops and bread. Then some coffee.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Kind of swell. Hey, I got a bottle in the car.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

We gonna have a banquet?

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Hey, where's that core? That's what I came up here to look at.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Yeah, back there on the bench. Look at it after supper.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Hey.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

What?

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Didn't you say you were all alone here?

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Huh?

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

I thought I heard somebody talking.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

I don't see anybody. Keep an eye on that pork chop. You won't have any supper.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Yeah, I'm watching it.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Here, let me put the coffee on? Like so.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

When did you finish cementing?

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

This morning. Last tower only made about 10ft of holes so Ted shut down before we get flooded out of house and home.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Funny about that water.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

How?

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Oughtn't to be any at that level according to my figuring.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Well, there is.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Is it salt?

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Sure. Right out of the bottom of the ocean.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

That's funny. Well, maybe I'll be able to tell something from the core. Yeah, I hope so. The last core I looked at, I'd have sworn we were getting into shale.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Ain't seen none yet from the cuttings.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

That's funny.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Here, your pork chop's done.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Yeah.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Take some bread.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Yeah, thanks. Oh man.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Good, huh? Put on another. I had two already before you come.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Yeah? How much oblige?

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Yeah.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

You know, you never can tell what's down there. You get it all mapped and plotted out all the straighter and all you know is what comes out of the hole.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

I like to go down there sometime if I was little enough.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Never get you down a hole.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Yes, you'd fit. You're skinny.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

I'll stay up here and look at the cores. Bud, where is that one?

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Behind you over there.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

I'll have a look at it, why don't you?

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Where you finish your supper?

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

I'm just going to look at it. Put on another pork chop for me. Okay. Well, I wish there was. Screech out.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

What's the matter?

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Hey, wait a minute, Porgy.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Well, why Listen. What's eating you?

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

You know, I'd have sworn there's somebody up there in that portable board.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Ah, you're crazy. There's nobody up there in against those.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Stands of drill pipes.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Ah, they're rack crooked. One of them slip. Come on back and eat your pork chop.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Only I.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

What you so jittery about, Billy? Come on, eat your sandwich. Here.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Yeah, well thanks, Portland. I don't know, I. I'm just naturally that way I guess. I'm always scared of the dark, Doc. I don't know, I. I hate to be a baby but I can't help it.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Scared of the dark. Honest.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Stupid, ain't it?

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Oh, I don't know. Everybody's scared of something. Me spiders scare the tower out of me black widows. I know how you feel, Billy.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

There another light over here.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Yeah, here.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Huh, that's better. Hey listen Porky, go out to the car and look in the left hand door pocket and bring back that bottle, will you? That's what I need. Okay, kid. Okay.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

So I picked up a flashlight. I turned around, went outside. I found a car, and I got the bottle. And the floor of the derrick was all lit up. And when I saw a beam of light suddenly flash up toward the foible board, I laughed. Billy Grunewald and his ideas. Sure. I looked up. It wasn't a darn thing up there except the drill pipe racked against the fingerboard. Oh, this Faubourg. Well, you've seen oil derricks or pictures of them. You know that little platform that runs around the outside of the derrick about halfway up? Well, that's the four ball board. When you see drill pipe comes in lengths, and you handle them with several lengths screwed together so as to save time getting them in and out of the hole. Two lengths is a double, three is a thrill, four is a formal. When you pull a pipe, you heist it up inside the derrick of the traveling block, which moves up and down from the crown block at the top of the deck. Then, when a four ball of pipe is pulled out, it's held in the rotary table. You break the joint with tongs like a great big stilts and rent, you see, snub. A cable that's fastened to the handle over the cat head on the draw works, and that breaks the joint. Then you hold the tongs on the pipe, give the rotary table a few turns to unscrew it. You heist away with the traveling block and swing it over against the fingerboard, lean it against the dart. The guy up on the foible board takes off the traveling block. You do it all over again till you got all the pipe out, you see? Well, there wasn't anybody up on the foible board except a screech owl and it flew away. So Billy turned his light off, and I come on inside. And just as I come up the steps, he let out a yell.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Yike.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

What's the matter? What's the matter, Billy?

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Hey, come here. Look here.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Well, what's it.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Look, Porky.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

My. Where did you find that?

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Now, listen, Porky. I give you my word. That was embedded in the core.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Why, it couldn't be.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

I tell you it was. Look where I dug it out. You know what that rock there comes from? A mile underground, and it's been a mile underground for a million years. And look at this.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

And I did look. And what he was holding was a gold ring. And it was all carved and filigree, just like jewelry. And there wasn't any kidding about was. No, no, no. Wait a minute. Hang on. I ain't done. I poked at the core Rock that looked like a kind of petrified salami or something. And then it was my turn to pretty near jump out of my pants because right alongside the place where Billy dug out the ring there was a mud covered but very unmistakable finger. I picked it up and it was cold and it was heavy and it was solid rock. At least it felt like solid rock. And I looked at Billy and Billy looked at me. He started to rub the mud off this here stone finger and as he rubbed, begun to disappear. No, he could. He could still feel it, he said. But when the mud was gone, neither one of us could see it. And he dropped it to the derrick floor. It went clunk and we couldn't find it any place. So you know what we done when we took that bottle and we took and finished it, Billy and me, we finished it in one slug a piece. And it was a full pint of bathtub gin. It tasted just like so much well water to. And then we sat down on the derrick floor and we looked at each other. We didn't say a word. My eyes got heavier and heavier. The last thing I remember was I heard some kind of noise that seemed to be coming up from foible board 80ft above us. I shut my eyes a minute. I guess I went to sleep. I had awful dreams. Black widow spiders crawling all over me with gold rings on their legs. Things I could hear but I couldn't see. Up on the foible board, Billy Grunwald climbing up the ladder outside the derrick in the moonlight. Faces looking at me and I couldn't figure out who they were. Then I was waked up by a horrible scream, a crash alongside me that shook the whole deck. I opened my eyes to see Bully Grunwald lying on the floor two feet away with a broken neck. With a broken neck. And his left hand. Well, he put the gold ring on the little finger of his left hand. And the way his arms were spread out, his left little finger and the ring were gone. Well, friend, I got out of there. I run down to where Billy had left his car and I got in. I stepped on the starter and I couldn't get it to go. And then I remembered after I'd pretty near run down the battery that Billy had taken the key. I wasn't going up there and go through a dead man's clothes to get it. So I sat there in the car and shivered all by myself till daylight. And then Ted and the crew came afterwards, a state cop and everybody in the world was asking me questions.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Did you and Billy. Have a fight, Porky?

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

I told you we didn't, Ted.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

But you had been drinking.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

We only had that little pint.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Well, what was he doing up on the four ball board?

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Did you threaten him?

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

And did he run up there to.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Get away from you? Listen, cop, don't be a chump. Billy Grunwald and I were good friends.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Then why'd you push him off the forble board?

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

I didn't. I tell you, I. I wasn't up there.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

What did he go up there for?

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

I don't know.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

I was asleep. How do you know he was up there?

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

I didn't say he was. You said so. Besides, how would he break his neck if he didn't fall from way up there?

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Well, look, officer, I think it was just another accident. I mean, we haven't got anything on Porky. And personally, I don't believe he did it. Well, it's mighty mysterious. So it is, but we got work to do. Now, how about it? That cement's hard down there. I want to start drilling again and I'm short handed. Will you let Porky stay here till I run in me pipe again and. Well, then you can take him and ask him questions till you're blue in the face. Well, okay. Let's get rolling. You got steam up, Happy? I'm a little fat. All right, Hawky, you go from the FOV aboard.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

What? Not me, Ted.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Oh, don't be such a boob. There's nobody up there to shove you overboard. You can put a safety line around you if you want to. And besides, you're getting paid to do what you're told. I've lost too much time already.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

So, okay, I go up on the four ball board. And you can bet I took a good gander around before I did anything else. Now, I couldn't see a thing. So I signaled to the driller to let down the traveling block. And he did. Came sailing down from up above. I was just reaching for it to pick up the first 4 boulevard drill pipe gave a big jerk and the cable broke. It dropped and nearly pulled me off the four bolt and it landed right on top of Ted. And if you have any idea what a guy looks like after two tons of metal, land on him from 80ft up. Now you keep your ideas to yourself. Well, that was enough. Two accidents in a row. The whole crew quit. They wasn't gonna wait for a third. And it was Ted's money that was paying off. There wasn't anymore. And as far as I know, the abandoned derrick is still There. And that was 20 years ago. Oh, I forgot to tell you something. That traveling block was right in front of my face when it broke loose. It was hanging by steel cable, 3/4 inch steel cable. And I saw that cable break right before my eyes. Looked just like a piece of string when you snap it between your fingers. I could almost see the fingers. You know what? There was something up there on the four board with me. And so a couple of days later I came back. I. I don't know if there's anything in the world as desolate, as dismal, as dead looking as an abandoned oil well rig. There it stands like a skeleton off on a deserted side road in the bare yellow hill surrounding it. And it's the deadest thing you ever saw. I sat in my car for a long time looking at it. Everything was just the way we'd left it. I looked into the floor. The smashed traveling block was there alongside the rotary table. There was a little mutter of steam from the boiler. That was all. Then I heard a tinkle of something as it hit the ground alongside me. I looked around. There wasn't a soul in sight. But at my feet was the gold ring that Billy Grunwald and I had found in the core of rock that came from a mile underground and from a million years ago in time. And I heard a little sound, the sound of a kid crying. And there wasn't any kid up there. And I heard it again and it came from above my head. And I took out my revolver. I loaded it carefully. I started up the ladder to the four boo board. There wasn't anything up there. Nothing. I could see. There was a voice crying. The voice of a little kid. Then there was a movement behind the rack of drill pipes. And I saw the pipe move. And I yelled, come out of there, whoever you are.

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

Come out or I'll start shooting.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

And the standard pipe shivered. And I thought, what can it be that can handle that heavy pipe like. Like jack straws. Then there was a cr. The whole stand of pipe fell over. And I just got out of the way in time. And I was alone on the foible board with the thing, but I couldn't see it. I felt the platform tremble under my feet again as something moved toward me. I fired two or three shots and nothing happened. I started backwards. I knew it was following me because I could hear it meowing like a cat. My feet tripped over something. I saw it was a big can of red lead that somebody had left up there. Without thinking, I picked it up and I threw it at the sound and it splashed. And there it was. And I wish I. I wish the face of a little girl, frightened, crying with hunger and terror. Hands like a human being. And a finger missing from the left hand. And a body. I'll tell you about that. I told you how I'm scared of spiders. But I knew where it came from. It had come from the bowels of the earth. Come riding up on the drill pipe as we yanked it out of the well, come to an alien world. And was lost. It stood there, dripping with red paint, blood red from head to foot, like some horrible dream. And it put its hand on my arm. Its hand was stone. Living, moving stone. And it looked into my eyes and mewed like a lost kitten. 20 years ago, I discovered many things about it. What it used for food. That it was deaf. That it was invisible and couldn't see people when it was invisible. That if you sprayed it with mud or paint or grease paint, makeup, then it could see people. And believe me, I didn't want to see its body. I can see that in my nightmares. But its face. I can't help wanting to see that pathetic little girl face. I'm afraid maybe I've fallen. But it's very beautiful. And when it's well made up, it's. But making it up. Rubbing grease paint on a stone face that looks at you and smiles and it makes sounds like a lost kitten. Yet I can disguise the body in long dresses. She can't hear very well, and when she's hungry, I have to stay out of her way. I found out what she likes to eat, remember?

[Billy Grunewald (Geologist)]

No, no.

[Ernest Chappell (Narrator/Porky)]

Sit still. Sit still. Do sit still or I'll have to shoot you. I want you to meet my wife. Or rather, my wife wants to meet you. Mike. Mike. There she is. Come on in, dear. The title of tonight's Quiet Please Story is the Thing on the Frugal Board. It was written and directed by Willis Cooper and featured Ernest Chapel. And Dan Sutter played Billy Grunwald. Pat o' Malley was Ted. And Cecil Roy was also a member of the cast. As usual, music for Quiet, Please is played by Albert Berman. Sound sound by our good friend Albert April. Now for the word about next week. Here is our writer director, Willis Cooper. Well, I'm reasonably sure that all the characters in tonight's stories were completely fictional. At least I, for one, hope so. Next week, the story is called Presto. Change All, I'm Sure. And so, until next week at the same time, I am quietly yours, Ernest Chappell. This program was heard in Canada through the facilities of the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. This is the Mutual Broadcasting System.

[Podcast Host]

There's more. Quiet please. The Horror and all of the Relic Radio podcasts at the website relicradio.com Newer shows are also available on Spotify, though I've had to pull a couple because the machines there claimed the public domain music was copyrighted. So we'll have to change things moving forward. But everything is always available on the website, even if it disappears from Spotify. You'll also find our shoutcast stream on the website and a donate button. If you'd like to help support this and all of the shows, give that button a click or one of the support links in the show notes for each episode. Your support makes this and all of the shows possible. Thanks to those who have helped out. Thanks for joining me this week. Be back tomorrow with Strange Tales and next Saturday with our next episode of the Horror.