Podcast Summary: The Iced Coffee Hour Episode: Dating Expert: Why 90% Of Men Will NEVER Get A Girlfriend – Do THIS Instead!
Hosts: Graham Stephan & Jack Selby
Guest: Blaine Anderson, Founder and CEO of Dating by Blaine
Release Date: June 8, 2025

1. Introduction to Blaine Anderson and His Expertise

Blaine Anderson joins Graham Stephan and Jack Selby to discuss the challenges men face in the modern dating landscape. With over 6,000 clients and a notable appearance on Shark Tank, Blaine brings a wealth of experience in helping men navigate their dating lives successfully.

Blaine Anderson [07:37]: "I didn't study dating or psychology in school, but I am self-trained from my own dating experiences and then just working with thousands of clients and helping them get the results that they want over many years."

2. The Pitfalls of Online Dating

Blaine emphasizes that reliance on online dating platforms is a significant mistake for 95% of men who seek meaningful relationships.

Blaine Anderson [00:30]: "Online dating is really superficial. 5% of men get 95% of the matches, but that doesn't mean there isn't another way."

He highlights that online interactions often fail to capture genuine connections, leaving most men feeling frustrated and rejected.

3. Top Mistakes Men Under 35 Make in Dating

Blaine outlines the three primary mistakes:

1. Not Meeting Women in Real Life: Overreliance on dating apps prevents men from forming organic connections.
2. Failure to Approach Women: Many men hesitate to approach women they're attracted to in real-world settings.
3. Waiting to Live Their Best Lives Until They Have a Girlfriend: Postponing personal growth and experiences until being in a relationship is counterproductive.

Blaine Anderson [02:01]: "Those same ones. So what I see a lot of, especially in the under 35, is just so much reliance on online dating."

4. Optimizing Dating Profiles: Photos and Bios

A strong profile is crucial for online dating success. Blaine advises:

• Quality Photos: Clear images that showcase personal interests and activities.

  Blaine Anderson [24:55]: "The most important thing is just having quality photos. So photos that show what you look like that are clear, that ideally showcase some of the ways you spend your time."

• Engaging Bios: Keep it lightweight and focused on who you are rather than listing achievements or what you're seeking.

  Blaine Anderson [26:34]: "You just want to give her little bits and pieces. You want to keep it lightweight. You're not being so serious."

• Unique Messaging: Stand out with creative and personalized messages instead of generic openers.

  Blaine Anderson [24:55]: "How are you going to stand out next? Your messaging. Can you send a message that is going to be different than what else."

5. Effective Flirting and Creating Romantic Connections

Blaine distinguishes between being nice and effectively flirting to create emotional and romantic bonds.

• Body Language: Maintain open posture, good eye contact, and confident demeanor.

  Blaine Anderson [42:11]: "You have to, you can't be doing those things. Eye contact, super important for flirting."

• Balanced Compliments: Aim for authentic and spaced-out compliments rather than overloading with praise.

  Blaine Anderson [43:53]: "A sweet spot for a first date is three compliments... spacing them out."

• Avoiding Treating Dates Like Business Meetings: Engage emotionally rather than just intellectually.

  Blaine Anderson [42:11]: "They're being very nice and respectable and even having good conversations. They aren't flirting and creating emotional or sexual connections."

6. Dealing with Rejection and Ghosting

Understanding and handling rejection gracefully is crucial.

• Perspective on Ghosting: Recognize that lack of response is not personal and often indicates no interest.

  Blaine Anderson [07:56]: "You are nobody to her. She hasn't even, you're not even a blip on her radar yet."

• Seeking Closure: Blaine encourages moving forward without seeking validation from those who ghost.

  Graham Stephan [84:56] (Host): "I just noticed, like you, you know, you didn't respond... and I'm looking for anything from you maybe just an answer and some clarity."

7. Building a High-Value Self: Personal Development

Personal growth is a cornerstone of Blaine’s advice.

• Creating an Exciting Life: Engage in hobbies, improve physical fitness, and foster personal interests to become more attractive.

  Blaine Anderson [48:44]: "Build a life that he is genuinely proud of."

• Confidence and Success: Demonstrating ambition and a clear trajectory attracts quality partners.

  Blaine Anderson [47:18]: "You need to be high Status, which is essentially what I think people are getting out when they say high value."

8. Transitioning from Dating to Relationships

Knowing when and how to move towards exclusivity is essential.

• Focus Over Time Spent: It’s about the depth of connection rather than the number of dates.

  Blaine Anderson [90:41]: "It's really about the depth of the relationship and what you have understood or gotten to know about that person than any length of time or number of dates."

• Assessing Compatibility: Recognizing shared values and managing expectations are key steps.

  Blaine Anderson [91:20]: "Once you're in a relationship, hopefully you've already asked a lot of the get to know you questions."

9. Green Flags and Red Flags in Potential Partners

Identifying positive indicators and warning signs helps in selecting compatible partners.

• Red Flags: Traits like dishonesty, emotional unavailability, and inconsiderate behaviors.

  Host [74:47]: "He still talks about his ex on the first date."
  Blaine Anderson [74:58]: "A misalignment in values is a deal breaker."

• Green Flags: Attributes such as emotional stability, ambition, and shared interests.

  Host [76:14]: "Chris Williamson said to look out for in women and for long term, healthy relationships would be don't go after women who are psychologically unstable."

10. Handling Breakups and Moving Forward

Blaine offers strategies for recovering from breakups and re-entering the dating scene.

• Invest in Self-Improvement: Focus on hobbies, fitness, and personal growth to rebuild confidence.

  Blaine Anderson [86:06]: "What is something that maybe you let fall by the wayside during your relationship?... increase your confidence."

• Avoid Dependency: Recognize that lingering attachments or loneliness shouldn't dictate readiness to date again.

  Blaine Anderson [88:46]: "Nothing has really changed except you're now lonely or you kind of miss them."

11. Navigating Situationships and Exclusivity

Situationships are prevalent due to the abundance of options in the dating pool.

• Challenges with Options: The perceived abundance of choices leads to reluctance in committing.

  Blaine Anderson [89:29]: "Everyone feels like they have so many options... makes them less likely to commit."

• Encouraging Commitment: Advises dating multiple people early on to find the right fit without overcommitting too soon.

  Blaine Anderson [91:20]: "People always want a timeline... just focus on having Fun."

12. Physical Attraction and Personal Presentation

Appearance plays a role but is one facet of overall attractiveness.

• Maintaining Good Grooming: Cleanliness and appropriate attire are essential.

  Blaine Anderson [48:44]: "Are you well groomed? Are you wearing clothes that look good on you?"

• Body Language and Confidence: Demonstrating confidence through posture and demeanor enhances attractiveness.

  Blaine Anderson [42:11]: "You have to strike a balance between making an effort and not being overly curated."

13. Cultural Rules and Best Practices in Dating

Adopting respectful and clear communication norms can improve dating experiences.

• Avoiding Ghosting: Advocates for clear communication and respect when ending interactions.

  Blaine Anderson [83:52]: "Ghosting leads to so much confusion... have the common decency to shoot somebody a message like, I really enjoyed meeting you."

• Authenticity Over Manipulation: Encourages being genuine rather than employing manipulative tactics to attract partners.

  Blaine Anderson [12:25]: "I try and focus my advice on being your best, most authentic self."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• On Online Dating Limitations:

  Blaine Anderson [00:30]: "Online dating is really superficial. 5% of men get 95% of the matches..."

• On Improving Profiles:

  Blaine Anderson [24:55]: "The most important thing is just having quality photos."

• On Flirting:

  Blaine Anderson [42:11]: "Eye contact, super important for flirting."

• On Building a High-Value Self:

  Blaine Anderson [48:44]: "Build a life that he is genuinely proud of."

• On Avoiding Ghosting:

  Blaine Anderson [83:52]: "Ghosting leads to so much confusion..."

• Final Advice:

  Blaine Anderson [106:06]: "You deserve to be with a woman that you are excited about and you are in control about whether or not that happens."

Conclusion

Blaine Anderson provides comprehensive insights into the modern dating scene, highlighting the importance of personal development, genuine connections, and respectful communication. His expertise offers actionable strategies for men to improve their dating lives, move beyond the frustrations of online dating, and cultivate meaningful relationships.

For listeners seeking to enhance their dating experiences, Blaine’s advice underscores the value of authenticity, confidence, and continuous personal growth as keys to attracting and maintaining fulfilling partnerships.