NOTE: It’s worth noting here, that I am using the language of marriages because the wedding industry is something that is measurable in terms of money. That said, I am also talking about committed romantic or sexual relationships of all types.

Recently, a dear friend and gifted entrepreneur made a recommendation for a book on expanding small businesses. He knows this past year has been transformative for me in many ways and is eager to help me succeed. I am grateful for the help. And since when would I ever turn down a nonfiction book recommendation? In reading the book, along with several others, I’ve come to appreciate the tender loving care, time, attention, problem-solving, and commitment it takes to run a successful business. I’ve also come to appreciate that it’s nearly impossible to do entirely on your own. Successful businesses don’t just happen by accident.

It got me thinking—

What if people invested in their relationships the way they do business?

Several years ago, I listened to a podcast where the host said that the wedding industry back then was in the hundreds of billions of dollars. The most recent figures I could find were from a 2019 article (link) that estimated the amount spent worldwide to be around 300 billion dollars. Just in the US alone, the market value of the wedding industry in 2020 was around $160.4 billion and is predicted to grow to $413.98 billion by 2030 (link). The average cost of a wedding (for those wondering) is somewhere around $30,000.

I’m sorry, but that’s an awful lot of money to spend on something that – if you’ll remember from my last article – has a 50/50 chance of success. Yeesh!

On the other side of things, the divorce industry is estimated between $50 billion a year (more conservative number) and a startling $175 billion (link). And the average divorce in the US costs on average between $15,000 – $20,000.

And when problems do arise in their relationships, it seems people are reticent to seek help. How reticent? In a recent lecture I attended, the instructor told us that couples often wait 7 years to seek help in their relationships. Imagine starting a business, and frontloading a ton of money to get your business open. And then doing absolutely nothing to fix the problems for SEVEN YEARS.

This is even more tragic considering that several research studies, including one from the NIH (link) found that the average person who receives couples therapy is better off than 70%–80% of people who don't receive treatment.

The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (link) shared that almost 90% of clients who attended couples therapy reported an improvement in their emotional health. Clients also reported improvements in their physical health, and functioning at work. Over 75% of people also reported an improvement in their relationship. Despite these numbers, the couples counseling services market size was valued at $ 3.5 Billion in the United States 2023 and $16.22 billion worldwide. That’s a tiny fraction of both the wedding and divorce industries.

But why?

And they lived happily ever after…

There’s something deeply personal and vulnerable about asking for help—especially when the cultural mythos of relationships is watered down to “And they lived happily ever after.” Maybe that’s why we’re willing to invest so much into weddings and divorces, but still don’t find adequate value in investing in the middle part of relationships.

But to go back to our business analogy, if you were to ask any small business owner if once the opened their business, they lived “happily ever after” – I’m pretty sure they would just burst laughing. Of course not! There are so many problems, and learning curves to navigate. It’s just part of the game, they might say.

So why do we expect something so different in our relationships?

“But we’re doing well.”

Moreover, You don’t just invest in a business when there are problems, right? No. Of course not. I know so many entrepreneurs who continually invest in their businesses. And the more success they experience, the more they are willing to invest going forward. Growth is exciting and exponential.

And yet, when I recently told a couple about the marriage workshop I was hosting in December, one of the partners looked at me and said, “But we’re doing well!”

“That’s wonderful,” I replied with sincerity.

“And it’s not just for folks who are having trouble. Investing in a relationship that is already healthy is one of the ways you can ensure continued health.”

“Oh— Huh. I guess I never thought about it like that,” she said.

So while running your marriage like a business might sound like the least sexy analogy out there, I think it makes a lot of sense. Drs. John and Julie Gottman are fans of the phrase, “small things often” when referring to the thoughtfulness and care we show our partners. It’s the same way we constantly do small upgrades in our businesses.

If you’re interested in learning more about some of the best practices and internal supports available to help you build your relationship in the direction of success— My partner and I are hosting a workshop series in December that is specifically tailored to this very thing. You’ll come out understanding the structure and mechanics that keep a relationship connection strong. If skills are what you’re lacking, it’s way more efficient than couples therapy.

Actually, I got trained in hosting these workshops because I got tired of having to teach 1 couple at a time the same principles that can benefit almost any kind of relationship. And while it isn’t a replacement for couples therapy, it’s like a jump start to any of the work you may do later—if you even need it. Sometimes the tools are enough.

You’ll come out with some really useful knowledge about how to manage stress together, navigate conversations around solvable problems—those things like whether or not someone leaves the toilet seat up—and the more serious problems that seem to keep popping up over and over again. We’ll even teach you how to conduct relationship check-ins that keep you feeling like you’re on the same team and doing life together.

Either way and especially from an investment perspective – the workshop is WAY cheaper than even just 2 couples therapy sessions. And I mean, in two couples therapy sessions, we’re not even getting past the intake.

I truly believe that investing in the health and growth of your relationship, much like in business, is one the best things that you can do to keep your selves healthy and strong.

If you want to know more, you can click the link or go to https://soliloquie.co/7pworkshop.

Use the code BLACKFRIDAY and get $100 off the cost of registration!

If you can’t make this upcoming workshop, stay tuned because there will be more opportunities to join on the horizon.

Links:

https://soliloquie.co/7pworkshop

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/1090207513019?aff=oddtdtcreator

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/15-countries-spend-most-weddings-005546456.html

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10087549/

https://www.hawaiibusiness.com/divorce-is-big-business

https://www.dashhudson.com/blog/wedding-industry-statistics

https://www.aamft.org/About_AAMFT/About_Marriage_and_Family_Therapists.aspx

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The Business of Being in a Relationship