How To Be The Man & Father Every Woman Wants ft. Nick Freitas

Summary

The Isabel Brown Show — “How To Be The Man & Father Every Woman Wants”

Guest: Nick Freitas
Date: May 15, 2026
Host: Isabel Brown (The Daily Wire)

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Overview

This episode features former Green Beret, Virginia legislator, and author Nick Freitas in a candid discussion about what it means to be a strong man and father in today’s America. Nick and Isabel cover masculinity, cultural and political challenges, raising children—specifically daughters—and how faith and personal responsibility shape family and society. Nick offers perspective from his new book, The Man Book, aiming to guide young men toward biblical masculinity against the backdrop of a rapidly transforming American culture.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Political and Cultural Climate in Virginia

Timestamps: 05:23–22:44

• Democratic Control & Power Consolidation:
  Nick explains Virginia’s shift: Democrats now control all branches, driving changes without running on those agendas.
  • “Right now, the Democrats control the governor, attorney general, lieutenant governor, House, Senate. ...They ran on affordability and a return to normalcy... But the bottom line is it worked.” (06:10)
• Erosion of Traditions:
  Historic norms are being overturned without due process, leading to frustration and a sense of alienation among conservatives.
• The Blueprint for America:
  Virginia is now seen as a template for national political strategy by the left, using affordability and normalcy rhetoric, but governing radically once in power.
• Conservative Dilemma — Stay and Fight or Move:
  Nick describes how oppressive laws on self-defense and education, along with rising taxes and leniency toward criminals, drove his family’s decision to relocate.
  • Four-part test for leaving: “Is my state making it difficult for me to provide for my family, defend my family, educate and raise my child in the way I would like?” (15:58)
  • “At that point, you’re nothing but a tax farm for your own destruction.” (17:35)
• Tribalization of America:
  Debate over “national divorce” vs. red states/blue states, with Nick insisting, “You don’t get any part of my country... Insofar as you want to subvert everything my country stands for, no, I’m gonna fight for it. I’m gonna fight for the country.” (22:57)

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2. Masculinity and ‘The Man Book’

Timestamps: 24:25–41:06

• Redefining Masculinity:
  Nick pushes back against claims that “hard times create strong men”—instead, hard times reveal why strong men are necessary.
• Biblical Masculinity vs. Secular Masculinity:
  • “Secular masculinity is completely unmoored from any sort of objective truth or morality... essentially they're in service to themselves... We need the knights.” (29:16)
  • Biblical masculinity is about service, sacrifice, and leading a family by loving and protecting them, not about dominance or selfishness.
• Roles of Men and Women in Marriage:
  • “My wife, biblically speaking, is supposed to respect me... but I have a responsibility to love my wife as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it.” (30:04)
• Complimentarity in Relationships:
  Men tend to compartmentalize, women connect emotionally and relationally; both ways of thinking are valuable and designed to work together.
• Practical Manhood Skills:
  Nick argues men should know basic skills like fighting, shooting, and even “how to properly kick in a door” for family protection (27:10).

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3. Raising Strong Men and Women

Timestamps: 41:06–64:42

• Combatting Shallow ‘Alpha Male’ Influences:
  Isabel asks how to counteract the “red pill” and “alpha bro” online trends:
  • “You have to first combat it spiritually and intellectually... If you do this, you’re actually going to feel a sense of honor and nobility... as opposed to just hedonistic instincts.” (41:54)
  • Critique of Andrew Tate: Nick says Tate’s discipline message is useful, but that divorced from morality, it leads to emptiness.
  • “When you achieve the things that you want, [if] it leaves you devoid of meaning and purpose because it doesn’t actually give you what you thought it was going to give you...” (42:28)
• Role of Women in Masculinity:
  Women affirm or discredit men’s efforts; respect and affirmation from a wife or significant woman is described as critical for men's sense of value.
  • “A man will go off of that compliment... Five years—I’m still going off of it.” (39:17)
• Modeling Marriage and Teaching Sons & Daughters:
  Nick details how he and his wife gave the same dating rules to all children (“dating is for marriage, you can’t date till you’re 18,” 55:33), aiming to teach integrity and value for relationships.
  • “You don’t play with other people’s hearts... or bodies, and they don’t play with yours.” (55:33)
  • “If you have different moral standards for them, you’re teaching your daughter rules apply differently because she’s a girl, and your son to be the sort of man you tell your daughters to avoid.” (55:33)
• Father’s Unique Role for Daughters:
  Building trust and honest communication is “absolutely critical to when she's 16 and 17... Of course she's going to measure every other man... against her father, for good or ill.” (51:11)
• Listening and Advising:
  Nick describes the importance of listening deeply to daughters and not just ‘fixing’ their problems, while encouraging fathers to be the truth-teller in a gentle, loving way.

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4. Faith, Family, and Final Lessons

Timestamps: 64:44–66:42

• On Being Prepared and Worthy as a Father:
  “You are never going to feel entirely prepared. And more importantly, you're never going to feel entirely worthy of it... The hopeful part about that is the biggest thing I learned is how much God blesses imperfect yet faithful attempts.” (64:52)
• Authority and Stewardship:
  Nick reiterates the un-delegable responsibility of being a father: “Once you become a father, it exists. It's the strangest thing. You have this power and influence... You can use it for good or for ill, but what you can't do is delegate it.”
• The Blessings of Persevering:
  “I have a wonderful relationship with my wife and my kids—not because I’m great, but because he [God] is... and as I continually try to live up to that, he has blessed me with a relationship I could have only dreamed of.” (66:08)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You don’t get to do what you’re doing to children in the womb. You don’t get to push the kind of degeneracy and lawlessness that you are. You represent an ideology that is so antithetical to the United States... I’m gonna fight for the country. I’m gonna fight for all of it.” – Nick Freitas, (22:57)
• “What I essentially say is, bad times don’t create hard men. What bad times do is remind everybody why hard men were necessary in the first place.” – Nick Freitas, (24:25)
• “Biblical masculinity creates an environment where... I have a certain level of responsibility to my wife and children that my wife and children do not have.” – Nick Freitas, (29:16)
• “You get more of what you reward and less of what you punish.” – Nick Freitas, (37:04)
• “The time that you spend when she’s like 1, 2, 3 years old is absolutely critical to when she’s 16 and 17.” – Nick Freitas, (51:11)
• “Kids know what they see.” – Isabel Brown, (59:49)
• “You are never going to feel entirely prepared... The biggest thing I learned is how much God blesses imperfect yet faithful attempts.” – Nick Freitas, (64:52)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Political Climate in Virginia: 05:23–22:44
• National Divorce & The Future of America: 21:15–23:52
• Masculinity & The Man Book: 24:25–41:06
• Combatting Red Pill/Alpha Bro Culture: 41:06–43:56, 45:24–48:25
• Fatherhood, Same Rules for Sons and Daughters: 55:33–59:49
• Advice on Being a Father: 64:44–66:42

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Conclusion

This episode offers a robust conversation on masculinity, civic responsibility, and the family’s role in cultural renewal. Nick Freitas makes an impassioned case for men embracing biblical standards, for parents creating intentional family cultures, and for all Americans to resist nihilism and cultural drift in favor of faith-fueled optimism and effort. The show is rich with personal stories, practical advice, and clear conviction—an essential listen for those interested in character, faith, and the challenges facing modern America.

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Connect with Nick Freitas:

• Book: The Man Book (available everywhere)
• Website: nickjfreitas.com
• Social: @NickJFreitas on YouTube, X, and more

Host: Isabel Brown

Transcript

[A]

This is Megan Basham of the Daily Wire inviting you to join me for the 2026 issues etc making the case conference. Friday, June 12 and Saturday, June 13 at Concordia University Chicago. I'll be speaking and signing copies of my book, Shepherds for Sale. And joining me at this annual conference for Christian laity are Molly Hemingway of the Federalist, Robert Spencer of Jihad Watch, and Erin Holley of Alliance Defending Freedom. Learn more at issuesetc.org issuesetc.org ready to soundtrack your summer with Red Bull Summer All Day Play. You choose a playlist that fits your summer vibe the best. Are you a festival fanatic, a deep end dj, a road dog, or a trail mixer? Just add a song to your chosen playlist and put your summer on track. Red Bull Summer All Day Play. Red Bull gives you wings. Visit Red Bull.com BrightSummerAhead to learn more. See you this summer.

[B]

You don't get any part of my country. You don't get to do what you want to do in anything that calls itself the United States of America. You represent an ideology that is so antithetical to the United States that yes, you're a citizen and yes, you live here, but insofar as you want to subvert everything my country stands for, no, I'm gonna fight for it.

[A]

This makes me want to like, ride into battle on horseback, charging with an American flag.

[B]

If you're a man, you should know how to properly kick in if your house is on fire.

[A]

Yep. And you need to.

[B]

And you need to get. And for some reason the door got locked or whatever it is. Do you want to know how to kick in that door? Because you would never want to find yourself in a situation where your wife, your son, your daughter needed you and you had to call another man to protect them because you were incapable. Andrew Tate has this statement where he said, well, if you're depressed, go get a six pack and see how depressed you are. And a lot of people criticize that as just being. Well, that's stupid or superficial. Well, no, think about it. As much as I don't agree with Andrew Tate on any number of things, when he says, go get a six pack, what is he talking about? He's talking about you have to do something that will require discipline in your diet, discipline in your physical exercise, discipline in your daily regime. And once you have a six pack, I don't care who you are. Everybody likes a six pack.

[A]

The man, the myth, the legend. We're laughing cause we're having too much fun already. Before we start rolling Nick Freitas joins me today on the Isabel Brown Show. Nick, how you been? It's good to see you in Tennessee, not Virginia.

[B]

I know I've been doing well. I know it's bittersweet. Cause I love Virginia, but, yeah, we are Tennesseans now, so.

[A]

Wow, it's a big change. Change of hat.

[B]

It is. Well, I looked at the GU laws that they were passing and I realized, okay, July 1st, I'm not allowed to own an assault rifle, which is the definition is. And I can't have any high capacity magazines, which is anything over 10. So I'm doing the math real quick and I'm like, I'm close to the triple digits and misdemeanors. It's time for me to. It's time for me to go.

[A]

So for those that don't know you, you've been on the show before, but we have a lot of new people who cycle in and out all the time. This is maybe a fun place to start. Who are you? What is previously your tie to Virginia? And then we'll jump into the more fun stuff.

[B]

Okay. Well, I am a husband to Tina, a father to Lily, Luke and Ally. I was in the Virginia General assembly for 10 years. So I'm a recovering elected official. I admitted I had a problem being a politician, and I have since remedied that. So I'm no longer in elected office. But yeah, before all that, my wife and I were high school sweethearts. We actually grew up in Northern California. Don't tell anybody in Tennessee, where I currently live that fun fact because whenever they ask where you're from, I'm like,

[A]

oh, as a Coloradan, very supportive of annexing all the Californians, like, get out.

[B]

I always, California's gonna be beautiful once we recolonize it. Maybe that's gonna be. But yeah. So my wife and I, high school sweethearts, got married at 19 and 20, and I served in the 82nd Airborne Division, the 25th Infantry. And then after 9, 11, volunteered for special Forces, did a couple combat tourism in Iraq. We had all three of our kids when I was in the military. So, yeah, kind of the br. Over the world as. Yeah, husband, father, you know, kind of former. Former Green Beret back when I was in better shape and then former elected official. And now we're just, just trying to. Trying to honor God and Yeah.

[A]

Save the country, do what we can. Your content is probably my favorite stuff on the Internet right now. It's true.

[B]

Does Michael Knowles know this?

[A]

He does. Poor Michael. You must be in on the joke. We always throw Michael under the bus here in the day, twice.

[B]

He's the best sport winner I know he is. I tried to tease Matt Walsh once, and I was like, I think this dude might.

[A]

Don't ever go down that route. But Michael's a good sport about all of it. That said, you just have this positivity and this optimism, and sometimes I feel like the lone optimist out here in the world of the conservative movement because everything is always so doom and gloom and horrifying. And I know you came from horrifying, given your past experiences in politics, but I think you've just created this whole new vantage point for conservatives on why it's important we keep fighting, even if it feels like there's no opportunity to win. You were last on our show to talk about Virginia right after the Virginia election this last November, and it was absolutely crazy to hear from you and unpack some of the big laws that they were working on at the time. Since then, Virginia has redistricted the congressional districts, and there's a lot of conversation around Virginia as this blueprint for the future of the country. So before we get into parenting and all of that, let's just spend a couple minutes. Can you update us on what happened in Virginia and why it matters for the rest of the country?

[B]

Sure. Well, they very unconstitutionally passed a ballot measure for popular referendum to alter our Constitution. We had very recently just voted overwhelmingly to have a. Not. Not totally a nonpartisan. What it was used to be that the legislature just wrote the lines. Right, Right. So whichever party was in power wrote lines that was conducive to them. We decided we didn't want that anymore. So we got in a commission, the Supreme Court got involved, and over 65% of the Virginia population said, yes, this is the way we want to draw our lines. And then the Democrats took power and decided, no, no, no. Now that we're in power, we want to go back to the old ways of doing it. And theoretically, they could have done that. They could have gone through the constitutional amendment process, except for the fact that Virginia law is very explicit on how to go about doing that. And they just ignored it.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Yeah, they just ignored it on multiple counts. But the bottom line is, right now the Democrats control the governor, attorney general, lieutenant governor, House, Senate. They will staff the bureaucracy, they will staff the board of visitors at all of our universities. And it's the reason why we're saying this is probably the model going forward is because they didn't run on any of this, they ran very specifically, affordability and a return to normalcy. And isn't Trump mean? And we're nice. And the bottom line is it worked. And it worked in part because we had a lot of conservatives that voted for Glenn Youngkin that just sat this one out. So for whatever reason, they felt like, oh, Donald Trump won last election. We've won. Or. Or they were mad because they didn't like some of the. The members of the Republican ticket, whatever it was, but 300,000 of them sat it out. And so they got the trifecta. Now they run everything. And what a lot of people are learning is for all the people that make that comment, like, oh, all the parties are the same. All elected officials are alike. They only care about themselves. You still think that because Virginia looks very, very different now than it did under Glenn Youngkin. It looks very, very different now than it did under a Republican House or Republican Senate. And that's not to say that there is an ample frustration with Republicans.

[A]

Oh, totally.

[B]

When I first ran for office, I challenged an incumbent Republican. My wife challenged an incumbent Republican. I'm about charging, you know, challenging incumbent Republicans that need to be challenged. But there's a massive difference. And what happened is Virginia went to a play, went from a place where it was. So there were so many traditions that were just deep seated into the fabric of Virginia, that for the longest time, no matter who was in power, those traditions kind of held sway.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

And so it might go. It'd go a little bit more to the left when the Dems were in power, a little bit more to the right when the. When the conservatives or Republicans were in power. But the traditions were important. I mean, we're. The Virginia General assembly dates back 400 years. Over 400 years, all the way back to Jamestown. And then we get Speaker Don Scott, who's currently our speaker, and he gives this beautiful speech when he gets in there talking about how, you know, his life was not defined by all of his worst mistakes because he spent seven years in a federal penitentiary for trafficking cocaine.

[A]

Lovely.

[B]

Yeah. But now he's the speaker of the House, and he got it, and he gave a beautiful speech. And for those of us that believe in redemption, we're like, you know what? That's true. That's true.

[A]

And.

[B]

And he talked about. I really thought, oh, he gets it. That this is bigger than him or his party. This is about the institution of the General Assembly. And nope, he broke one of our proudest traditions about hearing bills, and he killed 120 Republican bills without A hearing? Nothing. We had bills on human trafficking. We had bills on. I had one, in fact. Sage. Sage and her grandmother, who were at the State of the Union talking about how she got trafficked. I carried Sage's law. Law in Virginia. Don Scott didn't even let that bill get a hearing. Her grandmother was not allowed to come down and testify about what happened. Nothing. So what people need to understand is, is that it's not that most people who are not paying attention will hear someone like a Don Scott or an Abigail Spamberger or, you know, whoever, and they will get out there and they'll have this very pleasant conversation where they'll hear you and they'll listen to you and they'll talk about how we're going to make life easier for you and more affordable and get you into a house and everything else. But once they get power, once it's consolidated to the degree that it is in Virginia, they are gonna run the tables on education, the bureaucracy, you know, they're gonna threaten businesses with absurd taxes. Yeah, absolutely.

[A]

And honestly, they're way better at going on offense than we are, which is so frustrating. And this remains my biggest frustration as being a conservative growing up in America today. But Virginia is the case study for this. They ran on we're gonna make things cheaper. They're not. They're making everything wildly more expensive. Actually, they ran on restoring decency. They're not decent. The current Attorney General, who is in charge of all of the law enforcement in the state in which I live, is completely fine with endorsing the violent murder of the children of your political enemies because it's a justified means to change somebody's mind.

[B]

And I know Jay personally. For anybody that says, well, that's a. That's an option. I remember when Jay came into the General assembly to the House of Delegates as a freshman. And if you would have asked me. Nick, we found a text message of one of your Democrat colleagues fantasizing about Republican children that he knew. By the way, he knows Todd and Jennifer's K. These aren't just some random. He knows them. He's seen them run around the General assembly before. If you would have asked me which Democrat fantasized about Republican children dying in their mother's arms? Jay Jones probably would have been my last guess.

[A]

Last.

[B]

Last. This is why I tell people, this is not. This is not a one off. This is not some extreme member. Jay Jones was not some wild eyed, like crazy, you know, woke progressive. He was none of that stuff. That is how mainstream this has gotten Jay Jones once took crap from his own party because when we were 51, 49, we once referred to him as the honorary 52nd member of the Republican Caucus because of how many times he didn't vote with his own side.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So all it took. But from, from when he first came in to covet and the BLM riots to now, that's all it took to go from a fairly moderate, fairly reasonable, fairly nice guy to I want to kill your children. I hope Todd and I hope Todd and Jennifer's children die in her arms to teach them a lesson.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So that's where we're at.

[A]

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[B]

Can I say.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Can I say one thing on that? That people need to understand how the game is played. Because they look at all like, this is stupid. Who would vote for. And in fact, they're screaming, we killed that bill. We didn't. We didn't put that one into to effect. We killed that bill. Yes, but what happened before? Because if you look at all the various industries, all of the businesses, everybody that was involved and who would have been impacted by the 51 new taxes that they were recommending, right? That's a lot of people that all of a sudden have to buy. Lobbyists go into Don Scott's office and explain why this is a bad deal. That's a lot of people that gotta go kiss the ring of the speaker of the House. And I don't know who ends up on their corporate boards next time. I don't know what other concessions they make. I don't know what campaigns or various committees that they end up donating to now, because, oh, my gosh, if we don't play ball with the current leadership, all these taxes are going through and getting implemented.

[A]

That gets exceptionally scarier to me when it's not just about economics, too. I mean, they're doing this, this second look process of actually reevaluating whether child rapists and violent murderers should remain in prison. They get another opportunity to redo the justice system. They want to get rid of mandatory minimum sentencing for child pornography distribution or rape or armed robbery. Crazy. The party of decency and safety. Everyone, your friendly neighborhood Democrats here. But you have to play ball with that. You have to be okay with that in some capacity or at least concede to the idea that that should be normal for half of the country, if you even want to have a bipartisan conversation. So you were a member of the assembly in Virginia for a very long time, a decade, with a lot of these people that are currently making all of these preposterous changes. And you left. And I'm curious to ask you about this, because there's kind of two schools of thought in the conservative world right now. You have to stay and fight like hell for the Home in which you were raised. For me, that was Colorado, which I watched be dramatically taken over by.

[B]

That was the original blueprint.

[A]

It was the original blueprint. In fact, there's a great book called the Blueprint about how the left could take over America, based on the case study of Colorado and today. My parents and I just had this conversation at my daughter's first birthday party last weekend. I don't know that I could move back to Colorado today, and I don't think I ever would, which is devastating. Cause that's my home. That's where I grew up. I have my best memories there. I always wanted to share that with my children. So that's the first school of thought, is you have to stay. And the other school of thought is you moved to the most red meat, red blood district possible, which you guys seem to have done in Tennessee.

[B]

We did.

[A]

Why did that push you into that decision? And which school of thought do you think is more valid?

[B]

Maybe so. I'm a big believer. I mean, look, I'm a Christian, so that informs my worldview. And Tina and I prayed a lot about where we if we should go and where we should go. I think God calls some people to stay and some people to leave. But all things being equal, here's the four part test I use. The first one is, is my state making it difficult for me to provide for my family? Are they making it difficult for me to defend my family? Are they making it difficult for me to educate and raise my child in the way that I would like to? Those are the first three I ask in Virginia. The answer was yes to all three of those. Yes. They're making it more difficult for me to provide for my family. They are absolutely making it more difficult. And it's not possible. It's not just that they're taking. It's not just that they're restricting certain firearms and they want to do more. This is step one. They're not satisfied with any of this. At the same time that they're making it more difficult for me to defend my family. They're making it easier for violent felons to get out of jail early. They're making it easier for violent felons to never be convicted or charged in the first place. So it's on both sides when it comes to raising my kids the way that I want. Virginia right now still has fairly decent homeschool laws, but they are definitely going after the public schools. They did it in a big way in 2020, where they were the Southern Poverty Law center. Was one of the organizations that you were that was recommended to teachers to take their lesson plans from as a condition of getting your license or renewing your teaching license in Virginia.

[A]

You mean the alleged largest financial contributor to the KKK Southern Poverty Law Center? Particularly pointing it in Virginia of all places. But you know, that's fine.

[B]

So let's say your state's doing all those three things, but the left is like barely holding on, like you could win the next election. We saw this in Virginia where the left took over. They went way too far, too fast. And the next time around we took back the house, we took the governorship, the lieutenant governor, the attorney general. So there is something to be said for being able to fight against those three once they take a degree of power to where they can consolidate power and hold onto it in perpetuity. And you have to recognize at that point, here's what's happened, you're nothing but a tax farm for your own destruction. So you are going to pay taxes, they're going to use, they're going to tax your business, they're going to tax you and they're going to use that to indoctrinate your kids in their schools. And they're not yours. Their schools, their public universities, their culture, their environment, they're going to selectively apply the law in such a way to where it disadvantages you and they're using your tax dollars to do it. And so now you're fighting against your own money, you're fighting against your own contributions and so.

[A]

And culture.

[B]

Yes. So at that point I say how much can you really do to take

[A]

back your state other than Virginia? Do you think there are other states too far gone? And I don't know that Virginia is there yet. It might be, but we'll see.

[B]

Virginia's pretty bad. I mean we'll see this year and we'll see next year because Virginia also has off year elections. So we'll see what happens in that time period. But the other big part that needs to be understood is when the left gets that kind of power, they use it to consolidate power. So they reward their friends and they punish their enemies and they teach everybody that's sitting on the fence that you better play ball with them. If you play ball with them, you can get subsidies, you can get carve outs for their crazy laws. If you don't play ball, they're going to go after you. So that's where we've got to see what's going on in Virginia. But I'm not going to Stop fighting for Virginia just because I don't live there anymore. It's just that I also understand that I don't want to. I don't want to be a source of the funds that they're using to destroy my worldview totally. The other thing too that I think people need to be aware of is if you listen to James Carville. So James Carville, arguably one of probably the top three most respected mainstream Democrat strategists of the last 30 years. He was the architect for the Clinton administration and his campaign. They asked James Carville, what should Democrats do if they take power? And he goes on day one, they should make Puerto Rico a state, which by the way, they could do with almost. No, if they have simple majorities in Congress, they can make it a state and the presidency, they should make D.C. a state which technically you couldn't do without a constitutional amendment, but it wouldn't matter if they did. The third thing he recommended, which is stacking the court. So if you stack the court up to I think. Do you say 13. Yeah, 13 members. So that'd be four additional. I want you to imagine a President Newsom or a President Harris appointing four new Katanji Brown Jackson's to the Supreme Court.

[A]

I'm nauseous.

[B]

But if you think about it at that point when you say, well, no, no, no, but the second Amendment. Oh no, that doesn't mean what it's meant for 200, just interpret it differently. 200, you know, 30 some odd years, it doesn't mean that anymore. No, it means what the. It means what the majority of the most liberal justices to have ever sat on the Supreme Court says it means your first Amendment rights. No, they mean what a liberal Supreme Court says it means. And then you know what the left's going to do? They're going to say you don't believe in the Constitution, you're not going to follow the Constitution, you're not going to respect what our founders. And so at that point, here's the other thing you got to consider. Where do you want to be living when that happens? When all of a sudden they reinterpret every aspect of the Constitution? Do you want to live in a state where you have a governor and a state legislature that are going to push back and say you're not doing that here.

[A]

This is so Animal Farm. It is so Orwellian of like. Well, it's always said that. What do you mean it's always. We never changed the rules. It's always said you're the crazy one. You're insane. I hate to even ask you this because I don't even like speaking this into existence. I certainly would never advocate for this. And I think our country at large is worth fighting for. This is our 250th birthday as a country that is ironically the same average length of a rise and fall of an empire. And I think we have a big question to ask ourselves moving forward. If our country at large is still worth fighting for. Do you see a reality that's remotely possible in our lifetime where we do experience something like a national divorce? Because it's just not possible. I think we're to coexist that way.

[B]

I think we're definitely gonna see a series of constitutional crises over the next 10 years. I think it's going to lead to certain blocks of states behaving in different ways.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And once upon a time, I would have said that might create an environment where. Let's do. Best case scenario is we have these kind of constitutional crises when the Democrats take power and the federal government realizes, oh, unless I'm willing to try to drop the 82nd Airborne Division into Nashville. Right.

[A]

Or Coeur d'.

[B]

Alene.

[A]

Yeah. I don't really see them walking down Broadway here in.

[B]

We can't. We can't get away with everything we want to do. So maybe we need to back off.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Maybe we need to let the blue states be blue states, the red states be red states, and not try to impose everything from the foot. That's the best case scenario, certainly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Worst case scenario is this idea where it's like, we just do not want to live in the same country anymore. And that's increasingly where we're going.

[A]

I see more of that online every day.

[B]

Yeah. And. And the people that just want to be left alone will essentially say, fine, you get the blue states, we get the red states. You know, leave me alone.

[A]

Do your thing. Yep.

[B]

Here's what I'm becoming more and more convinced of because I've always been kind of a like, just leave me alone sort of guy. I had much more of a libertarian streak and still do in some areas. My new message is, you don't get any part of my country. You don't get any part of my country. You don't get to do what you want to do in anything that calls itself the United States of America. You don't get to do what you're doing to children in the womb. You don't get to do what you're doing to gender confused children. You don't get to push the kind of degeneracy and lawlessness that you are. You represent an ideology that is so antithetical to the United States that, yes, you're a citizen and, yes, you live here, but insofar as you want to subvert everything my country stands for, no, I'm gonna fight for it. I'm gonna fight for the country. I'm gonna fight for all of it. I'm gonna fight from a state that will actually have my back, but I'm gonna fight for all of it. Because the bottom line is, I don't. Just, like, they want to impose their ideology no matter where it is. I now want to defeat that ideology no matter where it is.

[A]

Makes me want to, like, ride into battle on horseback, charging with an American flag. And amazingly, it's a great segue into the next thing I wanted to ask you about. There's this concept that hard times create strong men. And I think we're watching that in real time in our country. It's been going on for a very long time. Certainly it's what gave rise to the Charlie Kirks of the world. Right? We've been living through hard times for a very long time. But you just wrote a book about this concept of what it means to be a man in our society today. Tell us about the man book and why masculinity is so important in this continued fight for not just our country, but our civilization.

[B]

The west at large, the popular circle, says that, you know, hard men create good times, good times create weak men, weak men create bad times, bad times create hard men. And what I essentially say is, bad times don't create hard men. What bad times do is remind everybody why hard men were necessary in the first place. It reminds everybody why masculinity, and I specifically refer to biblical masculinity, why it was necessary in the first place. Because I don't believe we're all a random collocation of Adam. I don't believe that once upon a time, there was nothing, and it exploded, and here we all are. I believe in God. I believe God created men and women in his own image, and I believe he created them to fulfill certain complementary purposes with one another. And so when I wrote the man book, I was going after a couple of things. One, I wanted to acknowledge that a lot of young men have been absolutely lied to about what masculinity is and its importance within society. And so I wanted to encourage them that. No, no, no. Those instincts that you have to be aggressive to be capable of violence, to protect to serve, to work, to build, to conquer. Those are all positive insofar as they're directed toward a noble purpose. And then I wanted to go into what is the noble purpose. And so I talk a lot about this idea of what I learned as a Green Beret, as a combat veteran, what I learned as a husband, what I learned as a father, what I've learned as a business owner, what I learned as an elected official. And a lot of it was just. It's not preaching. It's more of, here's what I've learned doing these things. And if I had to start it off all over again, here's the advice I would want someone to give me. And a lot of it is lessons I learned the hard way. But it's also meant to be encouraging because I honestly believe that we could win this whole fight in one generation. The black pill guys don't. That doesn't resonate with me because, one, I think it comes from a position of doom. And as a Christian, I don't. I just inherently don't have a position of doom. I, I, as much as I might get frustrated with current circumstances, I always have a peace and a joy which surpasses all understanding, because I know who I serve, I know where my identity is, and I know who wins in the end. Now, that doesn't mean that my job right now isn't important. And I am so encouraged by the number of young men who will come up to me, whether I'm talking at University of Washington, Seattle, or Cal, Berkeley. Jeez, I was just there last. Wow. But are asking the question about, how do I be a good man? How do I raise a son? How do I raise daughters? And this book was meant to offer some insight into that, but it was also meant to teach them some things that I just think guys should know. You shouldn't. If you're a man, you should know how to properly kick in a door. And someone will look at it like, why do I need to know how to kick in a door? If your house is on fire.

[A]

Yep. And you need to.

[B]

And you need to get. And for some reason, the door got locked or whatever it is. Do you want to know how to kick in that door? Do you want to have to leave the house.

[A]

House.

[B]

And hope the firefighter gets there in time? You should know how to fight. You should know how to shoot. I'm not saying you got to be a professional warrior. I'm just saying you should know how to fight. You should know how to shoot. Because you would never want to find yourself in a situation where your wife, your son, your daughter needed you and you had to call another man to protect them because you were incapable.

[A]

Sitting here recording with Nick on a beautiful spring day in Tennessee, it's dawning on me that everything right now at this time of year just feels like graduation season. Especially in D.C. you can feel it everywhere. Families are flying in, restaurants are completely packed. People are taking photos and caps and gowns in front of every single monument like 24 hours a day. And it's not just in D.C. back home. It's cousins, siblings, friends, all stepping into that exciting next chapter, asking the same big question, what's next? And I think that question matters more now than ever because there's this growing narrative that higher education is outdated, that it's just not worth it anymore. But what if the problem isn't education itself, it's whether it's actually built for today? That's why I want to share with you guys something that I am genuinely so excited about and proud to partner with our friends at Grand Canyon University. GCU is doing things dramatically differently. They are not stuck in the past. Their programs instead are designed to move at the speed of today's workforce, focused on real skills, real careers, and real opportunities. And they've made a serious commitment to affordability, too. They've held tuition study on their traditional campus for the last 17 years. This is a university that's growing with purpose. Purpose. Over 130,000 students, hundreds of programs, and a campus that's been recognized as one of the best in the country. But what really stands out is their mission. They're grounded in Christian values, focused on developing leaders who actually want to make a difference. Because education shouldn't just be about getting a degree. It should be about finding your purpose. So if you or someone in your life is going through graduation season right now wondering what comes next, GCU is worth a look. Find your purpose at gcu. Private Christian Affordable non profit. Head to GCU Edu to learn more. What do you think is the biggest differentiation between biblical masculinity and secular masculinity today?

[B]

Secular masculinity is completely unmoored from any sort of objective truth or morality. So secular masculinity ends up breeding a form of man who may very well be powerful, very well be capable, very well be competent, but essentially they're in service to themselves. And that's where I think you get the difference between the nice knight and the barbarian. We need the knights. We need the people that want to do it. In service to something that's noble and greater than themselves. So biblical masculinity creates an environment where I'm like, for instance, men are supposed to be the heads of their household. Very unpopular thing to say right now. I don't care. Because it's true, right? Because it's true. But what does that mean? Well, it doesn't mean that I'm the tyrant and the dictator of my home.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It. It means that I have a certain level of responsibility to my wife and children that my wife and children do not have. So, for instance, my wife, biblically speaking, my wife is supposed to respect me and treat me with respect because men need to be respected in order to feel loved. But I have a responsibility to love my wife as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. What does that mean? Well, it means for the rest of my life, the moment I said I do her physical, spiritual, emotional, intellectual, you know, well, being rests on me. Doesn't mean it's totally my responsibility. She's a. She's an adult. She has to make decisions and do things and. But if it ever came down to it, where one of us has to, you know, not take a seat in the lifeboat, my wife and kids get it and I don't. I go down with the ship. Why? I signed up for it. Why? Because God told me that's my responsibility. And I think when. When men embrace that, two things happen. One, you get the sort of man that wants to be capable for the people that he loves, and the people he loves become this constant reminder of the duty he owes to God, to his country, to his family. And it's what creates the discipline to go through hard times and to be the hard man, that. That is required. The other thing it does is women respond to it. And I've told young women this all the time. It's not your responsibility to make a man a good man. But you'll be shocked at how critical a role women play in that process. I am a far better man because of my wife. Why? Because she serves as a daily reminder of what I love, what I'm doing this for. So when I'm tired, when my motivation is shot, I look at my wife, I look at my children, and I continue on.

[A]

What would you say to a young woman who's watching this today? Maybe she's newly married, she's figuring out how to communicate with her husband and be a good sounding board without being too naggy, necessarily. I really do think women have this gift of intuition that men just do not have right. And we understand the larger context of things, the emotional connection of everything, the socio, you know, relationships that are happening with all the people around us in our lives. And I think we see things that men don't often see. But the temptation, and I'm certainly experiencing this. I'm two years into my marriage, so I'm very, very new at all of this learning on the job. I think the temptation is to nag your husband and say, you did that wrong. You did that wrong. You did that wrong. Here's what you should do instead. And try to run his life for him. How can a woman do that in a kind and loving way as the helper that God needs her to be for making a strong husband?

[B]

I think it's. I just did a video on this talking about how men and women think. And there's this idea where men think women are just overly emotional. Everything they think about. And women think that men are constantly missing the obvious. I mean, and there's truth to both of it. Why? Because men are designed to think compartmentally.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Why am I designed to think compartmentally? Well, because if someone is breaking into the house right now, I don't want to be thinking about all the different I want to be thinking about. I've got to focus on the threat and neutralize the threat to protect my family. So I need to ignore everything that would cause confusion and fear to zero in on that particular threat in order to take care of it. Right. Women, on the other hand, if someone's coming in, they're automatically thinking, where are the kids? Where's this? Where's that dog? Where's, you know, what do I need to do? And where do I need to go? And that's complimentary. I want my wife. The fact that my wife can make an emotional connection to a various event and that that emotional connection to that event or the way she felt in a particular circ situation, whether she felt happy, whether she felt unsafe, the fact that the moment she feels something close to that, automatically, all those memories associated with that tie in. That's a capability. Now, if it completely overwhelms her and she's not able to make any sort of decisions, that's a problem. But there's a positive and a negative manifestation of the way that both women think and men think. Women can be overly emotional. Men can be overly obtuse and unaware. But if we can focus on, hey, I was meant to be compartmentalized so that in the points where I'm needed, I can focus in on what the primary problem is and how to solve it without getting distracted. And I can appreciate that my wife is actually aware of how various things are impacting all of the social relationships that are going on. So that I'm not obtuse. We get to help one another.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So when she shows appreciation for the way I think and why and the way I was designed, she doesn't look at me. The big dumb oaf that can find a deer in the middle of the woods but can't find the milk in the refrigerator.

[A]

Yeah. What is that? The way the man looking in the room.

[B]

It's because we're programmed to think about things in a particular place, and when you move them, it's gone all of a sudden.

[A]

Gone.

[B]

It's gone. But the deer in the woods, we expect to be doing that.

[A]

That's hilarious.

[B]

But this is the part where the moment you realize it's complimentary and it's designed for a purpose I call women's discernment. I've got the moment. I appreciate. I was seven years into my marriage, and my wife said, I don't know what's going on, but something's off with this. I'm like, okay, what do you think is off? So I'm immediately going into, okay, we're gonna open this box to talk about this particular problem, and you're gon evidence for this particular problem. And I'm going to determine whether or not you have sufficient evidence to justify your concern. Well, she did it because all she knew was something was off, because it made her feel it. It reminded her of something, and she couldn't quite make the connection, but she knew something was off. Well, I acted very arrogantly in that moment. I'm like, well, when you have enough evidence, come back to me, Because I make decisions based off of evidence, not vibes. Three months later, she was right.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And so now when Tina said says something is off, something's off, that's it. She might not fully under. And my wife's logical, right? She's not ruled by her emotions, but she allows them to inform her decisions.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Now, when my wife says something's off, what I know is, is that there is something there that is reminding her of something else. There's some sort of pattern recognition that. That she has identified that I have not, because that's in a totally different box stored somewhere else in my mind. And so now all of a sudden, I'm like, okay, babe, then we're going to hold back, and we're going to wait, and we're going to pray and we're going to talk together and we're going to think about what this might be. Because 99 times out of 100, she's right. There's something off. And so I lean on her. I lean on her discernment. She leans on the fact that I'm a very logical thinker and that I will look through all of kind of the mess and the garbage and the emotional noise in order to get to what needs to be done and by trusting one another and appreciating one another. I can't emphasize this enough.

[A]

No, I like this. I love the word appreciate. I saw a great clip of Pastor Josh Howerton out of Dallas.

[B]

I don't know if Josh is awesome. I've never met him, but he's not.

[A]

I haven't either. And we've been dying to have him on the show. He's awesome. And this clip that I saw just totally blew me away. That women respond to negative criticism very, very powerfully, while men only really respond to positive affirmations. So if you're sitting there saying, you did that wrong, you did that wrong, you try it this way a different time. Oh, my gosh, I can't believe you said that. Da, da, da, da to a man, he just immediately shuts down. Whereas if you're trying to, like, train your husband, so to speak, as silly and as trivial as that sounds, you should always be praising him when he does something right. And he'll make this connection of, I should do more of that thing and less of that thing, what do you think about that?

[B]

No, I think it's true. You get more of what you reward and less of what you punish. That doesn't mean it's not appropriate to bring anger to a situation totally. Or frustration to a situation. I always that if my wife comes in and says, hey, can you take out the trash? And I say, let me work on this over here. I'll finish. I'll get to it later. And she asked me three more times before I'm done doing the thing that's nagging, if she asks me to take out the trash and I say I'm gonna do it, and then I get done with the thing and I forget. That's her reminding me. There's a big difference between reminding and nagging. Now she gives me the benefit of the doubt that I work very hard. My mind is constantly going in a thousand different directions to try to maintain everything. And so she respects that I'm not. Taking out the trash is a power play. This isn't. I don't have some secret mission to assert authority and dominance over my wife. I just freaking forgot about the trash because it's not essential. No one's dying because we failed to take out the trash right this second. So she gives me the benefit of the doubt there, and I give her the benefit of the doubt that if I forget, then she will have to remind me. And she's not treating me like I'm a moron or an idiot. She's just reminding me of a task that still needs to get done, that it is my responsibility to do. But again, it goes back to appreciation. Now, we don't always. Tina and I do not. We just celebrated 27 years on Friday.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. Congratulations.

[B]

And we don't always execute this perfectly. We get angry, we get upset with one another, but we always remember at the foundational level, it's her and I against the world forever. That's it. Like, there is no exit strategy. There is no. And so regardless of where we might get frustrated, we will always work it out, because that's the woman I love, and that's the woman I'll die for. The other thing I will say that my wife does for me, that's incredibly helpful, is every once in a while, she will just stop and she will give me one of these compliments where, like, one. One time, it's probably about five years ago, she stopped me and said, you do an excellent job of providing for our family. And it's not because, oh, we're wealthy or we didn't. It was just, you do an excellent job. I don't have to worry. I don't have to wake up at night just stressed out all the time because you work so hard, and I know you work hard, and I appreciate it. And you're a great provider. That is. A man will go off of that compliment. Well, how long ago? Five years. I'm still going off of it.

[A]

Y.

[B]

There was one time where my daughter was choking. She was probably four or five. She was choking on a. A mozzarella stick at a restaurant. And I'm talking, and Tina's like, nick, Nick. Ally. And I go over to Ally. Heimlich maneuver. Spits it out. You okay, sweetheart? Okay, take class. One. Okay. And then I go back to talking, and she's looking at this, and. And she stops me later that day. She goes, no, no, no, stop. I said, baby, it's not a big deal. You just like, I get it. She was choking a little bit.

[A]

She.

[B]

She goes, no, what it means is, is no matter what situation I'm in, when it gets dangerous, when. When we're in danger, when our child's in danger, I know you've got it. What dragon do you want me to slay in your name? Right. Like there it is. Amazing how and, and it's from your wife. Yeah. A thousand other people can give you words of affirmation. It's nice, you might appreciate it. But when it's from your wife and it is sincere and you feel respected for the role that you were designed to play, play you. What you want to do is just do more to make her love you and respect you. And I. That's why I say it's not even about training. It's just. It's about following what God says. You know, wives, respect your husbands. He didn't say that so they could be tyrants over you. He said it because he knows how he made us. He knows what we respond to. And when you give us that which we respond to, we perform better.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just like husbands, love your wives because what are the wives? The wives want to know that we love them, that we have them no matter what, that they're the only ones for us. Right. And when they feel secure in that. So when we feel secure and respect, biblical masculinity flourishes in a way that attracts women. And when women feel loved in the way that they want and they need, biblical femininity flourishes in a way that it was designed to.

[A]

I like the word security that you just used there because you said earlier that young men are getting really bad advice on what men masculinity is supposed to look like today. And I think most of the alpha bro, male podcaster, red pill thing that I see on the Internet is deeply rooted in a very deep seated insecurity. Everything has to be about flash and substance and externally what you see as success. Which is why these guys all drive like 15 Ferraris and they live in the penthouse apartment in Dubai and they're sleeping with like seven only fans, models, all at exactly the same time. And it's all plastered all over the Internet. Internet. Where do we start combating that insecurity for this next generation of young men as that becomes so hyper normalized and stop encouraging them to be looks maxing or whatever, but instead to invest in themselves and their character and who they were designed to be?

[B]

There's two. There's two things to this. One goes back to the. The reason why I talk about biblical masculinity is because masculinity terms of masculinity, completely unmoored from anything objectively true or objectively moral is always going to lean toward. Be more capable so you can sleep around, have fancy cars. Now, why is that important to men, right? Why is it important to men to have a beautiful woman that desires us or a nice car? Because these are objective measures of success. And in a world where young men are being told that every one of their masculine instincts are wrong, looking at somebody that has achieved objective levels of success, well, at least that's something.

[A]

It looks like you're respectful.

[B]

It looks like something. Right? These, these are. Andrew Tate has this statement where he said, well, if you're depressed, go get a six pack and see how depressed you are. And a lot of people criticize that as just being. Well, that's stupid or superficial. Well, no, think about it. As much as I don't agree with Andrew Tate on any number of things, when he says, go get a six pack, what is he talking about? He's talking about you have to do something that will require discipline in your diet, discipline in your physical exercise, discipline in your daily regime. And once you have a six pack, I don't care who's you are. Everybody likes a six pack, right? No, there is nobody objectively in the world that is like washboard abs. Like. Nobody's saying that. Nobody's saying that, Right? No matter what the world tells you, no matter what the woke east does tell us about, everyone knows a six pack is desirable. And so that's what they're pointing to. They're pointing to these things that are, on some level, objectively difficult to attain and appreciated within the marketplace of ideas. The problem is, is. Is it's when you start to get those things and it's unmoored from any sort of noble identity or purpose. That's where you get the most depressed. You don't get the most depressed when you feel like you're denied the things that you want. You get the most depressed when you achieve the things that you want. And it leaves you devoid of meaning and purpose because it doesn't actually give you what you thought it was going to give you. So that's why you. You have to first combat it spiritually and intellectually. Spiritually. This is what's true, and this is why it's true. And this is why if you do this, you're actually going to feel a sense of honor and nobility and what you're accomplishing, as opposed to just hedonistic instincts.

[A]

Back to it with Nick in just a Second, but first, I have a very important question for you. Is there an outfit that you actually live in? It's not the one that you post in on Instagram, not the one that you wear out to dinner with your friends, the one that you reach for every single day without thinking. For me right now, it's this incredible brushed bamboo jogger set from our friends at Cody Cozy Earth. It's that perfect balance of soft enough to sleep in, but still put together enough to answer the door or run out quickly or jump on an airplane and not look like I'm wearing pajamas. It's lightweight, breathable, and somehow just gets softer the more that I wash it. And I love to pair it with Cozy Earth's new lake house clogs. And I am all set. They're cushioned, supportive, super easy to slip on, and honestly, so comfortable I always forget that I even have them on my feet. We've been slowly upgrading everything in our house this last year to amazing luxury Cozy Earth products for an incredible price. And honestly, it has so helped me just treat my home like this beautiful sanctuary where I can tune out the noise of the world, but still have this beautiful moment to connect with my family and feel nice and cozy. In the meantime, Cozy Earth makes it so easy because they even give you a 30 day return policy and a lifetime warranty which you just don't see anymore. It's one of those upgrades that you didn't even realize you need until you've tried it. So this spring, give yourself the kind of comfort that lives with you all day, not just the moment that you head home. Head to cozyearth.com and use my code @isabelle for an exclusive 20% off. That's code isabelle for an exclusive 20 percent off. And if you see a post purchase survey, make sure that you mention that we sent you here from the Isabelle Brown Show.

[B]

The second thing, and this is important as well, this is a role that I would argue is important for women to play. If a man fights to be all those things and then doesn't receive love or respect from women, it becomes a really hard argument for me me to that is very difficult for me to combat because let me give a perfect example of this. And we're going to get into the super controversial here.

[A]

We love controversy.

[B]

People think Andrew Tate is successful in his message to men in part because he was a professional fighter. Men automatically respect that he's financially success automatically respected. And he's got a bunch of beautiful women that design desire him. Right. I, I can go all Day long. And I can make a good argument on why. Well, God says we have to do these other things. And that is ultimately in and of itself sufficient. If God says, then everything else doesn't matter. Right? God says, but here's one of the tricks that Andrew Tate pulls that is so convincing to young men of this generation. Because of young women of this generation. Andrew Tate doesn't criticize the woman that goes off and sleeps around. He doesn't criticize the woman that dumps the loser for the next good guy and then dumps him for the next good guy. Andrew Tate says, no, no, that's just their nature. Their nature is they want the best provider, they want the best defender, they want the most exciting. And so if they left you for somebody else, it's because you're not exciting enough. It's just their nature. But then he tells the man, oh, and it's your nature to want as many of them as you can can get. You see, they deal with you transactionally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They say to young men, as long as you can provide me with this sort of life, as long as you have these characteristics, as long as you do these things, then I'll love you. Then I'll give myself to you. But the moment someone does it better, you're gone, you're traded out. And men have been foolishly told and men have been foolishly told that they should commit to one woman. Where Andrew Tate says, no, no, no. Respect their nature and then respect yours. And your nature is to get strong, to get powerful, to sleep around, to be a top G. To have all kinds of women. And if you find one you really like, great, great, you can. You can have that one and you can have children with that one. But then when she focuses on the children, fine, you go get a different one. You go get a different girl that's going to appease the things you want. Because her nature is to want security. Great, you're providing her that security. But your nature is to want to go out there and sleep around with beautiful women. Fine, she gets what she wants. That's in her nature. You get what you want. That's what's in your nature. What Scripture says is you have a sinful nature. You have to be recreated. You have to be born again. And one of the most powerful arguments we can make against what Andrew Tate is offering is when you have a young man and young woman come together in marriage, totally loyal to each other, totally respectful of one another, totally passionate about one another, raising kids together, right? Because at that point, There's a point where Andrew Tate, I don't care how powerful he is, there's a point at one day where he's empty and lonely.

[A]

Of course. Of course. And I think that's obvious for all of them.

[B]

People say, and I'm not. And I'm not. There, there's. There is a day there. There will come a day where I will be on my deathbed and I will get to go meet my maker. But I will. I will be on that bed surrounded by people that I spent a life with, building something that is an argument that I can point young men to and say, that's what you want to strive for, because this is ultimately empty and this is not. And I will offer up one other piece of pop culture evidence for the this. There was a. For a while there, there was a rendition of a Madonna song that was swung, sung by a choir. And they took that song and they overlaid it with all of these, like, Last Stand memes or Last Stand videos where it's, you know, it's that scene from that video game Space Marines, where it's the guy standing on top of the hill with the flag and all these guys and they're about to die, but they're going go to go out fighting. Or it's this. This scene from another video game where it's this night and the barbarian horde is coming. Or it's that scene from another movie where the cavalry is charging and you watch these things and they get millions upon millions of views from young men. Why in none of those scenes is somebody sleeping with a bunch of, you know, onlyfans models or driving a Bugatti or why. Why is there something about that that attracts young men? Because God has made. Made you to want to stand and defend for something that is noble and true and eternal, and you find it in him. And so I believe it's in there. We have to speak to it and we have to demonstrate it in our own lives.

[A]

I think my favorite rendition of that is always Jon Snow, as everybody is coming at him, he's got the sword, and it's absolutely incredible, but it does. It speaks to the true nature of what masculinity can be if we have the courage to follow who God calls us to, not just what humanity has normalized. You talk a lot in your content and in your book, obviously, about what this means applied to the next generation of young men. But as you know, I'm a woman and I have a daughter who just turned one. You also have daughters.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'M curious to get your take on the masculinity it takes to raise strong daughters and how that impacts the next generation of men as well. When we found out we were having a girl, I don't think my husband was disappointed. He was really excited about having a girl, but he's always kind of joking, oh, I'm doomed to be a girl dad. Ha ha ha. Which by the way, he totally is. Like, my husband is destined to be a girl dad for sure. I'd say that growing up in a family of three girls. But we got a great, great piece of feedback from some of our dear friends who we worked with at Turning Point usa. And he said God gives girls to very special men. It takes a very specific type of strong, masculine man to raise a girl. What do you think it takes?

[B]

So one of the things that's so wonderful about raising a daughter, and like I said, I have two daughters. My oldest daughter Lily is, she's married now. My youngest daughter Allie is 18. They bring out the tenderness in you as a father. So there's this exterior that you push out to the world that has to be on guard and capable of defense and the whole deal. And of course every dad thinks about that dreaded day where all of a sudden the first boyfriend comes boys and the whole deal. And it was interesting because that's what dad was fear. Dads don't really fear the whole stuff when they're little and whatnot because that's just their little girl and the whole thing. But it's when it's when all of a sudden another man is going to come into their lives and now all of a sudden he's afraid. And what I tell them all the time is, is the time that you spend when she's like 1, 2, 3 years old is absolutely critical to when she's 16 and 17. And they kind of look at me a little skeptical, like your 16 year old doesn't remember what your 3 year old does. I said, you're absolutely right. But your five year old daughter remembers what you did when she was 3. Your 8 year old daughter remembers what you did when she was 5. Your 10 year old daughter remembers 8, you're 14 when she was 10. And now all of a sudden by the time she's 16, of course she's going to come and talk to dad, of course she's going to ask dad for advice. Of course she's going to want dad's opinion. Of course she's going to measure every other man that potentially comes calling against her father. Father, for good or ill. And so if you were the sort of dad that spent that time being goofy and putting on the little tiara and the having the tea and chasing around and being the dragon that your princess daughter slayed. But then as she gets older, you also mature into the sort of man that tells her the truth, because there's going to be so many people that want to reinforce whatever she says. And that's. This is a common thing amongst women, is they. It's the gossiping, shaming, rallying. A lot of times, women will reinforce kind of false ideas to be nice.

[A]

Yeah. You affirm what's wrong. Yeah.

[B]

One of the most important role dad plays is you establish early on that you love your little girl no matter what, and she feels safe with dad, but then you're also one of the guys that tells her the truth when nobody else will. And so when she asked a question about, you know, you take the time, you listen to her and you say, well, sweetheart, I think this, or I think you were wrong here, and this is why. And it's always done in love. And what ends up happening is over time, she'll go and all of her friends will tell her exactly what she wants to hear, but dad will tell her the truth. And now all of a sudden, you become this incredibly valuable commodity in her life to where she can go and she can work things out with you and she can think through them logically and emotionally. It's another reason why I tell dad that we have this tendency when the women in our lives come to us with a story and we're like, oh, holy crap, for the love of God, can we get to the point so we can just fix the problem? And. And what I try to tell men is, again, if you recognize that God designed the women in your life to think differently than you, then when they come to you, understand that they're actually coming with a different set of capabilities. And if you will actually listen, if you will take the time to listen and not just listen, but ask questions, like important questions. Why do you think that? Or why did this. Or why did Jill do that? Or why did Sally say that? Or why do you think that she's now going through the process of figuring out what really bothers her about this situation, how everything is connected. And if you're taking the time to actually understand that you are actually getting a window into a far more comprehensive picture of a social network, you are getting insight into how your wife or your daughter thinks about something, and then at that Point. There's this wonderful point throughout that conversation where she will look at you and be like, so what do you think? And now you can actually give an informed answer to that question. She will respect and, and treasure that so much that whenever she has to make the sort of decisions that really could impact the rest of her life, it makes perfect sense to go to dad. Makes perfect sense to go to dad. So you have to be strong. You have to be, like, loving, but you also have to be willing to be the truth teller. Yeah. And if you can master that. I always tell people we had very strict rules for dating in my house, and by the way, it applied.

[A]

Oh, I gotta hear them. I'm sat. I'm ready.

[B]

It applied to both my son and my daughters.

[A]

This is critical. Same rules.

[B]

Yes. Because dads screw this up all the time. They'll give one sets of rules to their daughters and one set of rule to their son. And what it does is it teaches them both that the rules are arbitrary. Now, there are different threats. There are different threats. Right. Your daughter is more vulnerable when she goes on a date than your son is. And, and it's perfectly fine to acknowledge that. But if you have different moral standards for them, then what happens is, is you are teaching your daughter that the rules apply differently to her because she's a girl. And you're teaching your son to be the sort of man that you tell your daughters to avoid. And you don't want to do either of those things. So we told both of our, we told my son and my daughters, dating is for marriage. That's it. You don't play with other people's hearts. You don't play with other people's minds. You don't play with their bodies, and they don't play with yours. So if you look at it from the standpoint of, you know, this is for marriage, then you have a very, very different concept of what the purpose of dating is. So we told all of our kids, you can't date till you're 18.

[A]

Did that cause a lot of friction?

[B]

None.

[A]

None.

[B]

Zero. Wow. Zero. And people ask why? And I say, well, we homeschool. They're like, oh, that explains it. I know plenty of homeschool kids that had a real problem struggle with this. Yeah, it was not a problem for us. And I, I, I, I chalk it up to this. The first time my little girl ever had a boy that liked her, she was in fifth grade or she was fifth grade age. And we're walking down this dirt road, and I'm Hearing her and Tina talk back and forth. And Tina's like, well, why don't you tell Daddy? She go, I don't want to tell Daddy. I'm like, what do you mean you don't want to tell Daddy?

[A]

Red flag, right?

[B]

And she looks over at me and she goes, well, this boy likes me. I said, okay, what did you tell him? She goes, I said, well, we're not allowed to. To date. I'm not allowed to date until I'm 18. And what did he say? He said, he'll wait. Oh, don't. See, that's how. That's how a woman reacts to that. A guy is like, you little punk, right? You little punk. So I look at my daughter and I say, sweetheart, look, Daddy's always going to make jokes about wanting to intimidate or threaten your boyfriends or whatnot. Because I love you and because I want to protect you. I said, but this boy sounds. Sounds like a gentleman, right? He sounds like a gentleman. And the only thing I know about this boy that I like is that he likes you. Gosh dang. So because the fact that he likes you says something, tells me that he sees something that I see all the time. You're beautiful, you're smart, you've got a good heart. Who won it? Love and be attracted to you.

[A]

I'm a mom now. I cry at everything.

[B]

Who wouldn't be? That's the one thing about this boy that doesn't want to make me kill him right now. Right? Is that he likes you. Shows good character. So do you know why I tell you you're not allowed to date till you're 18? And she goes, well, it's fifth grade. She goes, well, it's because we need to focus on, you know, our education and dating is for marriage, and we're not ready to get married right now. I said, these are all good answers. Good answers, sweetheart. I said, but ultimately, the reason why I want you to wait is because I want you to have the kind of marriage that Mommy and I have. Because one day, sweetheart, one day you are going to meet a man that you are just so in love with. You're going to meet this man that God has for you, and you are going to find it hard to believe that you could have ever loved or wanted something so bad in your life. How much do you want to have to explain to him before he got there? I don't want you to have a bunch of mistakes, a bunch of other people. I don't want you to play with anybody's Heart, mind or body. And I don't want them to play with you yours. I want you to look at this as something that you get to proudly present to your husband one day and something that he gets to proudly present to you one day. Because I want you to get married. I want you to have kids. I want you to have a full marriage. I want it to be wonderful. And if you will trust me to help you figure out who that guy is, I promise when he comes along, I'll say yes. And the reason why I think that was so important, because we did this with all our kids. Kids. One, we tried to model the sort of marriage they would want to have. I think that's so critical. We can say all we want. We can point to Scripture all day long. And again, Scripture is sufficient in and of itself. And my. My wife's and I married just proof of that because we both came from families of divorce. But you want to model something that your kids want to have one day. It's something they want to aspire to.

[A]

Kids know what they see.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As we're talking about masculinity with Nick today, it's an important question to ask and maybe an uncomfortable one. When was the last time that you went a full week out watching pornography? What, about a month? Here's the part that nobody really likes to talk about. This isn't just about sex. It's about stress, loneliness, emotions that you don't quite know how to deal with. It's our generation looking to fill a real need for connection with something that can never actually satisfy it. And it's a problem that's impacting a lot of our generation. All those blockers and accountability apps that just track you and send reports, they're not real help. They're just surveillance. Relay is different. And I'm super passionate about the work that they are they are doing. Relay is connecting you with real people who are going through exactly the same thing. People you can actually message at 11pm when you're struggling and they will show up for you. It also helps you to understand why this is happening in our generation. Because until you get to the root of it, you are just fighting the same battle over and over and over again. Real recovery is not just about more willpower. It's about not doing this alone. So if this is something that you're struggling with and dealing with, or maybe this is something more related to someone you can care about, please go check out Relay. Listeners of the Isabelle Brown show get a free trial using my code. Isabel, the Life you actually want is on the other side of this. You just have to take the first step. So have courage.

[B]

And then the other side of that is. I didn't, I didn't just give him something to avoid. Don't do this. I held up something that was desirable. I held up something that they would want, that they, that they truly wanted to aspire. And then I showed them how to get there. And by keeping them focused on the path to get what they want, half the time I didn't, I didn't have to fight with all the different temptations in a thousand different directions. If you're giving me directions to this studio, well, I know you can give me good directions. Why? Because you work here, this is your studio, and I want to get here. So when you give me directions, there may be a thousand ways to get here that will take longer, that will potentially run me through bad parts of town, that could get me in a car crash, that could get me a ticket. Give me. But when Isabel says, here's how to get to the studio, I listen.

[A]

You believe it.

[B]

I listen. And so I model. We tried to model something for our kids. We pointed to the truth of scripture and we said, if you want this, here's how to get there.

[A]

Well, not to ask the obvious, what do you think of your son in law?

[B]

Great guy. Good, great guy. No, they. They had dated for about a. For about a year and a half. He actually gave me. I've told this story a number of times, and this is the one I get choked up on. He probably gave me the greatest compliment I ever got as a girl dad.

[A]

Wow, so that's high praise.

[B]

Yeah, it was a couple months. It was, I think a few months after they had been married. And I'm helping him to go pick up a. A lawnmower they got. And we're driving back and he goes, hey, dad, why did you say yes? And I said, oh, well, there was, there was three reasons. I said, one, you loved God more than you did more my daughter. Which is necessary because if you don't love God the way he deserves, you'll never love my daughter the way that she deserves. Two, I. I saw you guys fight. I saw you guys argue about things. And I knew that your differences would eventually make you stronger, not break you. I said, and three, I trust my daughter. So the fact that my daughter saw something in you that was worthy automatically spoke well of you. You to me, because I trust her. And I said, why'd you ask? He goes, he goes, well, before I Asked for your permission to marry Lily. He was as kind of like a joke. It was about. It was a couple months beforehand. I asked Lily because we always. And Lily's a huge. She's very sarcastic, like me, jokes around, teases all the time. She goes, I asked Lily, I said, so what would happen if I asked your dad? And he said, no. They've been dating a year and a half, and Lily absolutely loved this guy, like, desperately wanted to marry him. Desperately wanted to ask. Was always wondering when the dad.

[A]

When's it happening?

[B]

And she goes, your daughter got dead quiet, looked me in the eye and said. Said, I'd be heartbroken because if my dad said no, it'd be over.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

She was. If my dad says no, it's because he sees something I don't, and I trust my dad.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And so. So it was a big deal for me to walk her down the aisle. And I remember at the wedding reception. Reception. I said, there's. There's three other men that I have asked to take care of my family and Lily if anything ever happened to me. I said, two of them are in this room right now. Nate Clancy and Mike Stewart. And one of them is their godfather, Eric Ewing, who I grew up with in high school. I said, you are now the fourth man I am entrusting with that. The difference now is that you take over the primary responsibility for it. And I am very blessed to feel confident that you are ready for that responsibility. So, yeah.

[A]

What would you say? Last question.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is the most important thing that you have learned throughout your experience as a father.

[B]

You are never going to feel entirely prepared. And more importantly, you're never going to feel entirely worthy of it. If. If you feel just absolutely confident and worthy of being a d. Dad, there's probably a lot of arrogance and maybe a little narcissism in there. You're never going to feel totally prepared, and you're never going to feel totally worried. The important thing to remember, though, is that God says that when you become a husband, when you become a father, you have certain authority, you have certain influence. And a lot of people have this idea, well, I don't want. It doesn't matter. Not up to you. It was up to you before you became a father. Once you become a father, it's just there. It exists. It's the strangest thing. You have this power and influence. Influence. And you can use it for good, or you can use it for ill, but what you can't do is delegate it to somebody else. It will always be yours. The scary part about that is, man, I don't want to screw up. The hopeful part about that is the biggest thing I learned throughout my life is how much God blesses imperfect yet faithful attempts. I have a wonderful relationship with my wife and I have a wonderful relationship with my kids. Not because I'm great, but because he. He is. And because insofar gosh dang, as I've tried to live up to that and as I continually try to live up to that, he has blessed me with a relationship I could have only dreamed of.

[A]

It's incredible. Nick. Where can people support you watch your amazing content on a new front porch these days in Tennessee and pick up their own copy of the man book because it sounds like our country really needs to to read it.

[B]

Well, again, the man books, it's a collection of stories like these things that I've learned. But it's also got some funny stuff in there. If you've ever wondered the the proper way to cook a steak or what home defense weapon, you should have those chapters.

[A]

What is the proper way to cook a steak? Oh, medium rare.

[B]

Only medium rare and lower.

[A]

Good man.

[B]

Yeah. Anything above 125, you're really.

[A]

You're a communist.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Crimes against culinary. But yeah, stuff like that, you can find it anywhere. Anywhere. You would order a book anywhere. You would go into a bookstore, you can find it. And then as far as my content, nickjfraitis.com or Nick J. Freitas on YouTube X, you know, pretty much everywhere.

[A]

Amazing. Thank you for joining me here in studio. And I can't wait to spend a whole lot more time with you guys in this neck of the woods.

[B]

It's our pleasure. And we can't wait for it either.

[A]

Sam.