The Jefferson Fisher Podcast

Host: Civility Media
Episode: 3 Courtroom Tricks That Work in Everyday Conversations
Date: August 26, 2025

Overview

In this episode, Jefferson Fisher, an experienced attorney, distills three powerful courtroom communication tactics that anyone can apply to daily conversations. By focusing on these techniques, Fisher promises listeners they'll argue less, build bridges more effectively, and transform even contentious discussions into opportunities for meaningful connection. The episode is actionable, direct, and relatable—no legalese, just practical advice.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Turn More of Your “Buts” into “Ands”

(Begins ~03:00)

• Core Idea: Using “but” in conversation negates or deletes everything said before it; replacing “but” with “and” affirms both your point and the other person's, fostering connection instead of defensiveness.
• Practical Examples:
  • “I love you, but this isn’t working for me.” → “I love you, and I need to tell you this isn’t working for me.”
  • “I hear what you’re saying, but I disagree.” → “I hear what you’re saying, and I see things differently.”
  • “I’m sorry I did that, but it wasn’t my intent.” → “I’m sorry I did that, and that wasn’t my intent.”
• Jefferson’s Legal Context:
  • In depositions and cross-examinations, using “but” puts witnesses on the defensive and signals their input is invalid. “If you want to level up your communication, listen to me, you need to switch your buts and replace them with ands. I promise you it is going to be a game changer for your communication.” (07:02)
• Encouragement to Listeners:
  • Jefferson urges militant discipline in noticing “but” in emails and speech, highlighting rapid improvements in communication effectiveness.

2. Stop Arguing Over the Specific, Start with the General

(Begins ~09:00)

• Core Idea: Heated debates often get lost in micro-level details (“tit for tat”); shift to bigger-picture or general themes to find agreement and ease tension.
• Practical Strategies:
  • Use broad agreements: “I agree, that’s worth a discussion.” / “I agree, that’s a fair concern.”
  • Don’t feel forced to agree with specifics, but acknowledge the importance of the topic: “I agree, that’s a point worth talking about.”
• Benefits:
  • Reduces defensiveness and keeps conversations productive, both in personal life and the courtroom.
  • “Find any ground to where you can get above... so you feel like you’re breathing above the argument. And a lot of times that comes from not thinking micro but thinking macro.” (09:49)
  • Slows escalation and provides a foundation for mutual understanding.
• Memorable Example:
  • Disagreements with relatives, e.g., over parenting or politics—avoid paper-cutting specifics, stay at the level of shared values.

3. Enunciate and Slow Down to Command the Room

(Begins ~12:24)

• Core Idea: Clear, slow enunciation conveys assertiveness and confidence, while rushed speech undermines authority and clarity.
• Practical Advice:
  • When something’s important, slow your speech, articulate deliberately, and avoid rushing through tough points.
  • “If I’m wanting to really get into something and I want somebody to pay attention and understand I mean business and I’m very serious, I will enunciate every word that I say because it is making it crisp, it is making it pointed.” (12:43)
• Courtroom Parallel:
  • “If you try to go really fast when things are getting really hectic and chaotic, and intense in your conversation, you yank, you will snap that line, and you will lose them for a very long time.” (13:23)
• Metaphor:
  • Think of a conversation as a fishing line: snap it by pulling too hard (rushing), but keep control by going with the flow (slowing down and using silence).
• Outcome:
  • When speakers regulate themselves, adversaries regulate in response—creates space for actual listening and reflection.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Changing “But” to “And”:
  • “But has the tendency of deleting anything that comes before it... I love you, and I need to tell you this isn’t working for me. You hear the difference? You hear the difference in how more assertive that is, how more grounded that is.” (04:49)
• On Macro vs. Micro Arguments:
  • “I agree. That’s worth a discussion. I agree. That’s a point... you feel like you’re breathing above the argument.” (10:10)
• On Enunciation for Assertiveness:
  • “If you want to have strength and if you want to have very assertive language, enunciate.” (12:28)
  • “When I can slow down, not only do I listen better, they regulate better.” (13:47)
• On Building Bridges:
  • “Buts put up walls, ands build bridges. Use the one that gets you where you want to go.” (13:54)

Key Timestamps

• 03:00 – Courtroom Trick #1: Swap “But” for “And” (with real-life and legal examples)
• 09:00 – Courtroom Trick #2: Generalize Disputes to Diffuse Tension
• 12:24 – Courtroom Trick #3: Enunciate, Slow Down, and Use Silence to Command Conversations
• 13:54–14:10 – Recap and Encouragement to Act on These Tools

Final Thoughts

Jefferson Fisher’s courtroom strategies distill the art of powerful communication into clear, actionable rules: build bridges with “and,” get above the noise with the big picture, and command attention with clarity and pace. These are not just legal tricks—they’re lifelong skills to make every conversation count.