The Jefferson Fisher Podcast

Episode: Dr. Becky: How to Stay Patient When You’re Triggered

Date: October 14, 2025
Host: Jefferson Fisher (Civility Media)
Guest: Dr. Becky Kennedy (Clinical Psychologist, author of "Good Inside”, Founder of Good Inside)

1. Overview

This episode features a heartfelt and practical conversation between Jefferson Fisher and renowned parenting expert Dr. Becky Kennedy. The focus is helping parents (and anyone responsible for kids) move beyond frustration and “fast-forward thinking”—where a child’s misbehavior gets blown out of proportion—by reframing their mindset. The pair dive into actionable strategies for shifting from punitive or fear-based responses to approaches built from empathy, skill-building, and emotional regulation. Dr. Becky shares memorable scripts and reframes to help listeners stay patient and effective, even when triggered by their children.

2. Key Discussion Points & Insights

Reframing Misbehavior

• Misbehavior as a Skill Deficit, Not a Character Flaw:
  Dr. Becky stresses that children’s challenging behavior signals unmet needs or undeveloped skills—not proof of “bad kids.”

  “As soon as you see your kid's bad behavior as a sign of what they need, not as a sign of who they are, everything changes.”
  — Dr. Becky (03:33)

• Fast-Forward Error:
  Parents often catastrophize a single moment of misbehavior and project it decades into the future.

  “I am, like you said, giving the least generous interpretation of their behavior and now going, okay, well now they're on the path to doing terrible things. Instead of just seeing that one little instance.”
  — Jefferson (11:28)

• Framework Shift (“Changing Roads”):
  Dr. Becky uses the metaphor of being on the wrong road—no new strategy or script will work if your mindset isn’t right.

  “We need to slow down and switch roads…Once we understand a new road...now we can get concrete and think about strategies.”
  — Dr. Becky (06:00)

The Power of Mindset & Most Generous Interpretation (MGI)

• Least vs. Most Generous Interpretation:
  We tend to assume the worst about our kids’ intentions. MGI reframes their actions with empathy and understanding.

  “What is the most generous interpretation of why my kid would continue jumping on the couch…there's no right answer.”
  — Dr. Becky (08:41)

Sibling Conflict: Allowing Kids to Argue

• Letting Siblings Work It Out:
  Jefferson shares his practice of letting his kids argue within boundaries (no name-calling, hitting, or bragging), emphasizing skill-building over quick solutions.
• Parenting for Long-Term Growth:
  Dr. Becky supports this, comparing conflict resolution to learning to swim: kids need messy, repeated practice to build skills.

  “Nobody gives those skills at 30. These…skills…don’t just unfold with age.”
  — Dr. Becky (15:06)

• Parental Overfunctioning:
  When parents always intervene in disputes, kids don’t learn to solve their own problems and infer they’re incapable.

Practical Strategies & Memorable Scripts

• “I See You Need Help” (21:00)
  Instead of nagging, calmly offer to co-regulate and assist a struggling child.
• Deeply Feeling Kids (“DFKs”):
  Some kids have bigger emotional expressions; traditional discipline often backfires and confirms their fears of being “too much.”
• Foundational Scripts & Internal Talk:
  • “I have a good kid who’s having a hard time.”

    “Instead of thinking about what to say to them, if you say to yourself, I have a good kid who’s having a hard time…you are separating identity from behavior.”
    — Dr. Becky (28:30)

  • “I believe you.”
    The most potent validating phrase, to be used in many tough moments.

    “I believe you. In almost every hard moment with our kids, they're really just looking to be believed.”
    — Dr. Becky (30:09)

  • “That's a bummer.” (or equivalents like “Oh, that stinks.”)
    Simple empathy without fixing or arguing.
  • “You really wish…”
    Helping kids name their wishes supports emotional regulation and acceptance of boundaries.

    “When your kid is able to verbalize a wish, they are regulating their disappointment… it will transfer.”
    — Dr. Becky (38:29)

Feelings Need Support, Not Solutions

• Validation over Fixing:
  Trying to solve or dismiss feelings invites escalation; acknowledgment settles them.

  “Feelings in general…are looking for support, not solutions.”
  — Dr. Becky (35:08)

Building Skills Gradually

• Regulation Takes Longer Than We Think:
  Like swimming, learning self-regulation takes years and repeated practice. Don’t expect gratitude, compliance, or composure immediately after a new intervention.
• Repair Is the Ultimate Parenting Skill:

  “Knowing how to go back…repair is kind of the ultimate parenting strategy. There’s no perfection here.”
  — Dr. Becky (46:57)

3. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Bad Behavior:

  “We tend to collapse a bad thing or a bad behavior into a bad person. And we do that so fast without realizing it.”
  — Dr. Becky (03:33)

• On Fast-Forward Error:

  “The reason that's a big problem is because we respond today with all the feelings we would have for the next 30 years versus just like, oh wait, I have a four year old. Right.”
  — Dr. Becky (12:16)

• On Family Dynamics:

  “She will say ‘three’ for you…She has no problem being in your face.”
  — Jefferson (21:10) “They really have a lot of shame next to their vulnerable feelings…When you try to help in the moments they need you most, they can explode.”
  — Dr. Becky (22:16)

• On Repair:

  “Truly, the thing I believe more than anything else about Good Inside…we’re experts in imperfect parenting—like repair. Knowing how to go back…is the ultimate parenting strategy to get good at.”
  — Dr. Becky (46:57)

4. Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Topic/Segment | |:----------:|--------------------------------------------------------| | 02:06 | Misbehavior = Skill deficit, not character deficit | | 03:33 | Reframing bad behavior & identity | | 07:21 | MGI/LGI: Most/Least Generous Interpretation | | 14:58 | Letting siblings resolve their own arguments | | 21:10 | “I see you need help”; DFKs/Big feeling kids | | 28:06 | Self-talk scripts; “I believe you” | | 34:31 | “That's a bummer” & feelings need support, not solutions| | 37:08 | “You really wish…” – teaching wishes and boundaries | | 42:39 | Emotional regulation is a long process, not instant | | 44:17 | Swim lesson analogy: patience with skill building | | 46:57 | Emphasizing repair and no parenting perfection |

5. Actionable Takeaways

• Shift your mindset: Look for the unmet need or missing skill behind misbehavior.
• Practice “Most Generous Interpretation”—give your child the benefit of the doubt.
• Use validating scripts: “I believe you,” “That’s a bummer,” “You really wish…”
• Let kids practice conflict and resolution with gentle boundaries.
• Remember: self-regulation is a slow-building skill, like swimming!
• When you mess up, focus on repair and reconnecting.

6. Resources & Where to Find Dr. Becky

• Good Inside Membership & Community: goodinside.com
• Instagram: @drbeckygoodinside
• Children’s Book: "That's My Truck"
• Podcast: Good Inside with Dr. Becky

“If there are three words we can instill in every parent right now today, it’s for them to use the phrase I believe you. And if they use it, magical things can happen in the relationship between them and their children.”
— Jefferson Fisher (49:17)

Summary compiled by The Jefferson Fisher Podcast summarizer, maintaining the engaging and supportive spirit of the conversation while focusing on take-home wisdom for parents and caregivers eager to grow.