The Jefferson Fisher Podcast

Episode: How to Know If Now Is the Time to Speak Up
Host: Jefferson Fisher (Civility Media)
Date: January 27, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into the timing of difficult conversations—arguably one of the most paralyzing elements in effective communication. Jefferson Fisher shifts focus from what and how to say things (his usual theme) to when we should raise important topics. He debunks the myth of the “perfect time,” offers practical frameworks for decision-making, and shares personal examples to encourage listeners to stop delaying conversations that matter.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Myth of the “Perfect Time”

• There’s no such thing as the perfect moment.
  • Fisher asserts that believing in a “right time” is harmful and paralyzing.
• Waiting can make things worse.
  • “If you wait, you get sick… Lies make you sick.” (06:12)
  • Withholding the truth or difficult feelings leads to emotional misalignment and increasing problems over time.

Personal Anecdotes:

• Parenting and Avoidance:

  • Teaches his kids that “holding in lies makes you sick.”
  • People act similarly in adult relationships—avoiding hard truths out of fear and discomfort, which compounds issues.

• Relationship & Work Examples:

  • Waiting to break up, delaying feedback to employees, or not sharing uncomfortable truths only digs a deeper hole.

Why We Delay – The Discomfort Tradeoff

• We convince ourselves that the momentary discomfort outweighs long-term consequences, but:
  • “The discomfort of now only grows into the pains of tomorrow, the pains of later.” (10:24)
• Memorable Quote:
  • “There is not a right time. There's only now and not now.” (09:59)

When Not To Speak Up

Fisher offers three exceptions where waiting is justified:

1. Physical or Emotional Safety at Risk (15:55)
   • “If you could be harmed by saying something, prioritize security.”
2. Dysregulated State
   • Don’t speak if you are emotionally overwhelmed:
     • “I’m not talking about nerves or butterflies. I’m talking about... all of my emotions have overridden everything and I’m not going to be able to function.” (16:31)
3. Lack of Preparedness
   • If you don’t know your goal or what you want to convey, better to prepare first.

The “Does It Need to Be Said?” Framework

(20:12)

Fisher shares his personal decision-making filter:

• Does it need to be said?
• Does it need to be said now?
• Does it need to be said by me?

This helps avoid:

• Unnecessary confrontations

• Speaking from ego rather than utility

• Burdening yourself with conversations that aren’t yours to initiate

  “Am I saying it because it needs to be said, or am I just saying it to be heard?... Was it helpful? Did I say it to be helpful, or did I say it to be hurtful?” (21:35)

The Role of Timing

• Timing influences the effectiveness of conversations, even if “perfect” is unattainable.
• Consider the other person’s circumstances.
  • “Am I just pushing my own timeline, or is this a time they can actually hear me?” (23:20)
• Example: Don’t bring up heavy topics during stressful, distracting moments at home.

The “24-Hour Rule” – The Golden Framework

(25:08)

• Wait 24 hours if you’re unsure whether to react or respond.
• Personal Story: Fisher describes holding off on an angry email reply, ultimately deleting it after realizing it would do no good.
• “If it’s still bothering you after 24 hours, that’s your gut saying there’s a response needed.” (25:40)

Life Doesn’t Slow Down – Stop Waiting For “Smoother” Times

• Fisher reflects on personal procrastination with his mother—delaying tough conversations for months, always blaming “busy” schedules.
  • “I found excuses to say I was busy... I just replaced whatever the rock was with a different rock.” (30:32)
• Problems accumulate the longer you avoid them: “It’s like putting something on a shelf and letting dust cover it.” (31:41)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the myth of the right time:

  “That train is never coming. There is not a right time. There’s only now and not now.” (09:59)

• On emotional avoidance:

  “The discomfort of now only grows into the pains of tomorrow.” (10:24)

• On truth-telling:

  “If you wait to tell a truth, the lie only gets bigger. The lie only gets more harmful.” (11:54)

• On impulsive reactions:

  “I was Beethoven, masterful drafting this email… Thank god I waited before hitting send. The next morning, I laughed at what I had written.” (26:13)

• On busy lives:

  “I have to find joy in the now. Sometimes I might feel like I need to say something, but I keep waiting for when things smooth out. This is life. It’s not going to stop.” (29:56)

• On humanizing the struggle:

  “Let me be the example of... not telling the truth when you should have said it then, and just waiting because you chose... to avoid the discomfort of the now at the expense of the pain of the later.” (34:36)

• Encouragement to the listener:

  “You’re going to get after this conversation and there’s going to be a before and after. Bottom line, there’s still going to be life, and I bet it’s even better than you thought it could ever be.” (36:30)

Practical Takeaways

• Don’t wait for the “perfect” moment. There are better and worse times, but now is always preferable to not now—unless you meet one of the three exceptions.
• Use the “does it need to be said/now/by me” framework before bringing up difficult topics.
• Apply the 24-hour rule if you feel reactive—separates emotional impulse from genuine necessity.
• Acknowledge the discomfort. It’s normal but doesn’t justify endless delay.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Debunking the myth of the perfect time: 04:29–09:59
• The cost of avoidance and real-life examples: 10:00–15:22
• Exceptions: When to hold back: 15:55–18:00
• The timing and “who” framework: 20:12–24:00
• Golden rule: 24-hour pause: 25:08–27:51
• Personal reflection on procrastination and change: 29:56–34:36
• Summary encouragement: 36:00–end

Final Message

Fisher closes by reminding listeners that improvement in communication starts with courageous, timely conversations—even if they’re uncomfortable. The wait only makes things harder. If you’re hesitant, you’re not alone, but when you take action, you’ll open the door to better outcomes—and a better you.