One Phrase That Instantly Ends Arguments - The Jefferson Fisher Podcast

The Jefferson Fisher Podcast: Episode Summary Episode Title: One Phrase That Instantly Ends Arguments
Release Date: July 15, 2025
Host: Civility Media

Introduction

In the episode titled "One Phrase That Instantly Ends Arguments," Jefferson Fisher delves into the transformative power of communication, focusing on strategies that foster kindness and reduce conflict. The core mission of the podcast, as described in its description, is to help listeners "communicate with confidence so you can argue less and talk more." This episode aligns perfectly with that mission, offering actionable insights to navigate challenging conversations effectively.

Choosing Kindness in Conversations

Jefferson opens the discussion by emphasizing the profound impact of choosing kindness over confrontation. He shares a personal reflection:

"I've never regretted choosing to say the kind thing, despite everything within me not wanting to because we never want to." ([00:30])

He acknowledges the natural instinct to respond defensively when provoked but asserts that opting for kindness leads to more fulfilling interactions. Jefferson encourages listeners to make a conscious decision to prioritize kindness, even when emotions run high. He states:

"Choose to say the kind thing. Because it is a choice to do or say the kind thing. Why? Because you will not regret it." ([Around 5:00])

The Power of "Maybe So"

A pivotal moment in the episode is Jefferson’s introduction of the phrase "maybe so" as a tool to defuse tension during heated exchanges. He recounts an experience from his career as a trial attorney:

"I could have made that a thing. Instead, what I said was, well, maybe so." ([Around 12:30])

This simple, non-confrontational response allows individuals to acknowledge the other person's viewpoint without escalating the argument. Jefferson explains that "maybe so" serves as a gentle way to sidestep immediate confrontation, providing space for cooler heads to prevail.

"Maybe so is such a word that lifts. There's no pressure. Maybe so, maybe not." ([Around 15:10])

By using this phrase, individuals can maintain their composure and demonstrate empathy, which often leads to more constructive dialogues.

Thinking Ahead in Conversations

Jefferson underscores the importance of considering the long-term implications of our words and actions in conversations. He advises listeners to envision how they will feel about the interaction in the future:

"Start looking on the back end of your conversations as if you are one year in the future looking back on it and saying, am I proud of who I showed up? Am I proud of who I was? Am I proud of what I said?" ([Around 20:45])

This forward-thinking approach encourages individuals to prioritize their long-term well-being over short-term emotional responses. By asking these reflective questions, listeners can choose responses that align with their values and preserve important relationships.

Actionable Strategies for Better Communication

Jefferson consolidates his insights into three key strategies to enhance communication:

Choose to Say the Kind Thing
Prioritize kindness, even when it feels challenging. This decision leads to fewer regrets and more positive outcomes in the long run.

"It's not going to feel good in the moment, but later it will. You won't regret it." ([Throughout])
Use Words That Diffuse Tension
Incorporate phrases like "maybe so" to gently de-escalate conflicts without dismissing the other person’s feelings.

"Maybe so, maybe not. Maybe so." ([Around 15:10])
Think Ahead About Your Conversations
Reflect on how you want to be perceived in the future and let that guide your responses in present interactions.

"Am I going to be proud of who I was in this conversation?" ([Around 20:45])

These strategies serve as practical tools that listeners can implement immediately to improve their communication and build more meaningful relationships.

Conclusion

Jefferson Fisher wraps up the episode by reiterating the importance of kindness and self-reflection in conversations. He encourages listeners to apply the discussed strategies in their daily interactions, promising that these small changes can lead to significant improvements in personal and professional relationships.

"Go be good. Go. Absolutely. Do the kind thing in the next conversation that you have." ([End of Main Content])

By adopting these approaches, individuals can transform their communication habits, reduce unnecessary conflicts, and cultivate a more fulfilling life through meaningful conversations.

Key Takeaways:

Choose Kindness: Opting for kind responses leads to fewer regrets and better relationships.
Use "Maybe So": This phrase effectively diffuses tension without escalating conflicts.
Reflect on Future Perspectives: Consider how current conversations will be viewed in the future to guide present actions.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

"I've never regretted choosing to say the kind thing." ([00:30])
"Maybe so is such a word that lifts. There's no pressure." ([Around 15:10])
"Am I going to be proud of who I was in this conversation?" ([Around 20:45])

This episode serves as a valuable resource for anyone looking to enhance their communication skills, offering practical advice backed by personal experience and thoughtful reflection.

Transcript

A (0:01)

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B (0:30)

You know, I don't think I've ever regretted saying the kind thing, despite everything within me not wanting to because we never want to. In that moment when somebody says something that I don't like, I have this gut reaction of I want to say something mean to you. I want to throw it right back. I've never regretted choosing to say the kind thing. Instead. In today's episode, we're going to talk short and sweet on this idea of how can you use words to have a better life? Use words that make your life more fulfilling, regardless of what the other person does. If this is you, this resonates at all with you. I need you to listen to the end of this episode. Why? Because it is going to help you immensely in whatever kind of conversation struggle you're having right now. Let's go. Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher Podcast, where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything. If you haven't yet, this is what I'm asking you to do. Go wherever you're listening. Find where it says subscribe like heart, follow and click it. You don't have to subscribe forever, but what it does for me is it tells whatever platform you're listening to that this is good content. And that's my promise to you to continue to make good content, good quality information that's going to make you a better communicator. Thank you very much. This episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth. I don't know about you, but my sleep is very important to me. And one thing that makes my sleep is the sheets. Have you ever been in a hotel room or a bed that's not your bed, and you're like, I can't do it. There's something about these sheets I don't like. I don't feel comfortable. Well, let me tell you what Cozy Earth makes some of the best bed sheets I've ever felt, the best towels I've ever felt. And I never thought I'd be a bed sheet and towel guy until I'm at the Age where it really does make a difference. If you're like me and you like to sleep cool and comfortable, I want you to go to Cozy Earth and give them a try. They have a hundred night sleep trial period. How awesome is that? You can go to cozyearth.com jefferson and use the code jefferson for 40% off. You can go to cozyearth dot com jefferson, use the code jefferson for forty percent off. You'll want to give it a try. People think that because I make content about how to communicate that every conversation I have is rainbows, it's sunny days, it's a Hallmark movie. False. All right. I am a trial attorney. It invites conflict. Every person that I talk to generally is either wrapped up in conflict, defending the conflict, or pursuing the conflict. That doesn't mean I don't always get it right. Let's be honest. Nobody's perfect. But what I can tell you is I've never regretted saying the kind thing, choosing to say the kind. Think this is what I want to leave you with right now. Wherever you're listening, if you're walking, driving in the car, this is what I want you to know. Whatever situation comes to mind for you right now. Because most likely hearing me, you're thinking about this confrontation that you had, this conversation you're about to have with somebody, or maybe you're in the middle of right now, listen to me and do this. Number one, choose the kind thing. Because it is a choice. Say the kinder thing. I'm not saying you have to be nice. I'm saying choose to say the kind thing. Because sometimes you have to shift the definition of what kindness is. Sometimes being very clear is kind. Being very direct is kind. Sometimes leaving the conversation is the kindest thing you can do. Sometimes being as direct as you can be is the kindest thing you can do. Whenever you beat around the bush and you come in it indirectly, sometimes that's not very kind to the other person. It's not kind to yourself. And sometimes if you stay in this conversation and they're just berating you and they're dumping all of the things on you, the kindest thing you can do is to leave that conversation, leave that relationship, cut off the connection with that other person. Because sometimes that's the kind thing. So what kindness is can certainly to be contextual to whatever situation you have. And I promise you, your heart's going to get it right, your gut is going to get it right. Ask yourself, what is the kind thing? I promise you, I promise you, your instinct will be True. And it's rarely going scorched earth. I'm not saying there's not a time and a place for this. I'm not saying I'm perfect and I've never gone scorched earth. What I'm saying is the times in my life, and I know you can relate to this, I can think back on conversations that I had early in my career are different parts of my life. And I feel ashamed of the things that I said to somebody. I feel regret over things I said to some of the people I love the most because my emotions got the better of me. And that stays with me. Right? That doesn't stay with them. I'm the one that carries it. Often when it's our words, we feel the most guilty about it. I could say something to even one of my kids, and of course my kids are going to forgive me. But if it doesn't keep me up at night and going, golly, and you'll beat yourself up over it. You know? You know that's true. So how do we fix that? Whatever situation you're in, choose. Because it's a choice to do or say the kind thing. Why? Because you will not regret it. It may not feel good now. In fact, it won't feel good now. Listen to me. It's not going to feel good. It's not supposed to feel good right now, but in a few hours tomorrow, in the next week, in 10 years from now, you will look back and be so glad that you have no regret in that conversation because you chose to say the kind thing. Number two, little things that we can do to improve our life right now in communication. When somebody is confronting you with something, this is going to help you be more kind of. When somebody's confronting you with something and you want to bluster, you want to get worked up and you feel like you have this stuff coming on and you're about to say something you're going to regret. A phrase that has bailed me out so many times is this very short, easy phrase. Maybe so. Maybe so. That phrase has bailed me out of so many fights. Somebody. What happens? You're in conversation with somebody. Maybe it's a grandparent. Somebody. It's typically somebody family. And they have a very strong opinion about what you should be doing or a very strong opinion about what you should believe or how you should be raising your kids or how you should be voting where you should be going to church, whatever it is. They have very strong opinions and they want those opinions to be yours. And you Have a moment? Do I. Do I put up my fence and. Is this going to be a thing now? That's what goes through your head? Is this okay, I guess this is now a thing. Rather than that, if you want to show up with a little bit more kindness to do the kind thing, use the phrase maybe so it instantly diffuses the fight. It all blows away. Maybe so. You say something to me that's ugly. Yeah, maybe so. I had it once in a deposition, and anybody who's read my book, the next conversation, you know, in one of the first stories I tell, I had a deponent, a witness who I was deposing, insult me in the middle of the deposition. He said that he. I'm not gonna reenacted, I guess, but what he said in the deposition was all you lawyers. I. I don't trust any one of you. All you do is lie. So go ahead and ask your stupid questions. Yeah, it was. It upset me big time. In that moment, it really, really upset me. I could have made that a thing. Instead, what I said was, well, maybe so you see how I'm just. I'm sidestepping and saying, I'm not making this about me. If I start to enter into it, then I'm starting to make it about me. You ever had those moments where something's happening and you're going, I don't know what's happening here, but it's not about me. That happens way more than you think it does. Way more than you think it does. When you use the phrase maybe so it has a way of diffusing that tension, and it's showing up kinder in your conversations. When I say choose the kind thing, I don't mean shower everybody with kindness. To where you're just. You're so permissive, to where you let everybody just walk all over you and you. People, please. And it's. It's all, I'm. I. It's not me. I'm so hesitant. Let me get out of the way. That's not what I'm talking about. Kindness is sometimes choosing the kind thing for. For you again, your. Your gut, your heart, your instinct, your character is what's going to carry the day. Usually you know that it's that one thing you could be saying that's really going to hurt him. You just choose not to say it. You just don't say the one thing too far. Before we keep going, I want to take a second to tell you about peak tea. You don't know this, but I'm a tea Guy. Especially in the evenings once the kids go down. Not in the mornings, but sometime for whatever reason. In the evenings I like to drink an herbal tea and I have found peak teas and I'm a huge fan of them. I get my tea, I like it hot and I typically am doing a puzzle. Anybody else like puzzles? Maybe it's just me and reading and it just calms me down, settles me down. So what I like so much about these is it's not just like instant coffee. They're different. These crystals, the way they brew them, they cold brew them. You're left with 12 times the amount of antioxidants as other teas, which is great. And so it's really good for your gut health, your longevity and they're really good for you. So I encourage you to give them a try right now. No brewing, no mess. You can just pour them whether it's hot, cold on the go. You can grab 20% off for life. 20% off for life. Plus a free little frother. That's really nice. And a glass beaker for your bundle. You can go to peaklife.com jefferson now pay attention. It's peak P I q u e life.com jefferson and with a 90 day money back guarantee, there's no risk. So give it a try. And now back to the episode. What's another way that you can better show up in your conversations that's going to improve your life? I want you to start thinking more ahead in your conversations. We have this tendency that can you hear? I mean, I feel like I'm getting worked up. Like I feel this is, this is something I feel so passionate about is and I hope you can hear this. Whenever you're in conversation, we typically only think about that very single conversation. We don't think about the moment after the conversation. We get so wrapped up in this moment because I see you face to face that this is the only thing in time that exists. And I think this little moment of conversation is everything when truly is just a blip. It is just a, a whisper, a glimmer of a moment in your time frame, in your story, in your chapter. And we get so wrapped up in these little bitty conversations that we don't think about how we want to be seen five years from now, how we want to be seen in the next chapter, how we want to be seen even next week right after when you ask yourself in these conversations. Again, this is a lot of prep work. So let's say these are moments that you need to think about. Before the conversation. And if you can think about it in the conversation, how do you do that? Delay it. And I mean that in a positive way. When you feel like you don't have enough time in the conversation, say, I'll address this this evening. I like to talk about this tomorrow instead. Anytime you can delay the conversation, that's going to give you more time to regulate. Because when you get all wrapped up in the day, what matters? Tomorrow is rarely the same. You look at something today and you get. You get worked up over an email, and what do you do? You type an email and you get all wrapped up in it. If you just decide not to send that, you wake up the next day and look at it. You go, I don't even need to respond to this. Time has a way of sifting things out. So how can we apply this to your everyday conversation? Get in the habit of seeing the back end of it as if you are one year ahead in time. And looking back on the conversation, how did it go? Am I going to be proud of who I was in this conversation? Am I going to be proud of what I said? Did I choose to do the kind thing, or did I just choose to say what felt right in that moment, even though it absolutely burned every bridge? I'm not saying there's some bridges that shouldn't be burned. That's not my point. I'm saying, can you look back and say, I feel good about what I did. I know in my own life there's times where I don't feel good about it. And I'm sure with you, they're the same. Rarely have I ever regretted saying the kind thing. How can we have a better life in the way we communicate? And how can we use the power of our communication to have a better, more fulfilling life? One, choose to say the kind thing. It's not gonna feel good in the moment, but later it will. You won't regret it. Choose to say the kind thing. Number two, use words that diffuse the tension. Like maybe so. Maybe so is such a word that lifts. There's no pressure. Maybe so, maybe not. Maybe so. Number three, start looking on the back end of your conversations as if you are one year in the future looking back on it and saying, am I proud of who I show up? Am I proud of who I was? Am I proud of what I said? And if the answer is yes, congratulations, you. You did the right thing, that aligns with you, whatever that is. All right, Go be good. Go. Absolutely. Do the kind thing in the next conversation that you have. If you can, I understand. We're all human. But if you can, that's my reminder for today. I hope you have a wonderful day wherever you are, wherever you're listening again, if you would, please subscribe and follow this podcast. And as always, you can try that and follow me.