Episode Overview

Podcast: The Jinger & Jeremy Podcast
Episode: How Do You Survive Losing a Child? | Tim & Aileen Challies on the Death of Their 20-Year-Old Son
Date: November 19, 2025

This episode features a moving conversation between Jinger and Jeremy Vuolo and their friends, Tim and Aileen Challies, who share the story of losing their 20-year-old son, Nick. Drawing from their personal experience, faith, and Tim’s writings (notably "Seasons of Sorrow"), the couple discusses walking through unimaginable grief, the process of clinging to faith amid sorrow, and how the hope of the Gospel sustains them. The episode is a resource for anyone dealing with loss, offering comfort, realism, and encouragement rooted in Christian faith.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Moment of Loss and Immediate Aftermath

• Nick’s Sudden Death:

  • Nick, a seminary student, suddenly collapsed and passed away while playing a game at college in Louisville, Kentucky.
  • Tim and Aileen learned about the incident through a text message while at home in Toronto, Canada, hundreds of miles away ([06:10]–[08:39]).
  • COVID restrictions added complexity, forcing them to fly (instead of drive) and quarantine afterward, deepening their sense of helplessness ([08:39]; [36:39]).

• Initial Response:

  • Tim recalls a sense of immediate testing:

    "We knew in that moment that we had to either live according to what we had always professed ... or we were just going to walk away from this Christian thing altogether." – Tim ([07:50]–[08:39]; [11:58])

  • Aileen describes trauma affecting her memory and how clinging to "deployed theology" was their anchor:

    "Your emotions are lying to you...God doesn't feel good...and yet you know the truth of it. So you have to cling to that truth and just deploy your theology" – Aileen ([13:44])

  • A poignant moment between Tim and Aileen as they prepared to go to the airport:

    "Tim took me by the shoulders and looked at me and just said, 'No, we can do this. We don't wanna do this, but we can do this.'" – Aileen ([14:51])

2. The Experience and Nature of Grief

• Effects of Trauma:

  • Both Tim and Aileen admit to having blocked out parts of the night due to trauma ([11:58]).

• Missing the Future:

  • The loss is not only for who Nick was, but everything they’ll never experience with him:

    “You realize after somebody's been taken, you miss what they were, but you also grieve what they will never be, what you will never have with them.” – Tim ([22:48])

• Stages of Grief and Differences:

  • Aileen didn’t relate strongly to the classic “stages of grief,” saying the second year, not just the first, brought unexpected hardship:

    “The second year everything feels a lot more than the first year.” – Aileen ([24:46])

  • Tim discusses how parents often grieve at different paces, risking relational tension:

    "He [a bereaved father] just very soberly warned that the divorce rate after the loss of a child is very, very high, alarmingly high...you process in different ways and at different speeds." – Tim ([25:45]; [26:08])

  • Both credit a letter from another grieving parent warning them to show grace and not expect each other to grieve the same way ([26:08]).

  • Aileen illustrates this by their differing relationships with the cemetery ([26:54]).

• Grieving with Hope:

  • Tim emphasizes that Christians should “grieve the most or the best because we really understand the brokenness of this world” and simultaneously look forward to its restoration ([47:36]–[48:18]).

  • "We grieve. And it's right and good to cry. We're not stoics. We're Christians." – Tim ([47:36]–[48:18])

  • Jeremy connects their story to Job and the Christian hope in eternity:

    "Because of the hope of eternity...Job now has 20 [children]. He gained 10 because he still has 10, because he will yet see them again..." – Jeremy ([47:02])

3. Struggles in Faith and Trust

• Wrestling with God:

  • Aileen unpacks feeling hurt but not angry at God:

    “I was hurt that he chose this for me. It hurt me that God decided to take my son, and I had to work out that aspect of my relationship with him.” – Aileen ([30:50])

  • Tim reframes suffering as a stewardship:

    "For some people, God gives them great sorrow or great pain or great weakness. And those people, too, are, I think, meant to receive it from the Lord and say, great, I'm going to serve you with this, and I'm going to trust you with it." ([32:31])

4. Supporting Family and Surviving as a Parent

• Parenting Through Grief:

  • Aileen:

    “Grief is physical pain as well. That’s one of the most surprising things ... my heart was actually going to be physically hurting.” ([33:07])

  • Abby (daughter) directly witnessed her brother’s death and experienced PTSD, requiring specialized counseling ([33:07]–[34:05]).

  • The Challies acknowledge the sustaining power of church community:

    “Our church stepped into that void. And we're so thankful for that because I don't know how we would have managed without them.” – Aileen ([34:09]) “The church was incredible. The pastors cared for us. ... There's this community of people who want to help you and feed truth to you and pray for you and just carry you through.” – Tim ([34:50])

• Isolation During COVID:

  • COVID restrictions meant the Challies family was forcibly isolated initially, delaying the communal grieving process ([36:39]).
  • Their first real experience of communal support came at the one-year anniversary service for Nick ([38:26]).

• Building Community Before Crisis:

  • Tim and Jeremy stress the importance of cultivating both theology and authentic community before hardship strikes:

    “When the storm comes...You've established what is true. But the same goes for community...” – Jeremy ([38:26]) "It's through those very ordinary means that I think God prepares and equips us so that when these difficult times do come again, we're just faced with a choice. Am I going to believe what I've said I believe in this moment, or is this a big exception to it?" – Tim ([39:36]–[40:44])

5. Heaven, Death, and Hope

• The Reality of Heaven:

  • Losing Nick made heaven feel more real and personal:

    "[Now] I have Nick waiting for me...that hope and that joy...is really compelling." – Aileen ([41:15]) "Heaven has become realer and closer in some ways...knowing that our son is there waiting for us." – Tim ([42:05])

  • Tim draws on John Donne’s poem "Death, be not proud":

    "Tell you what, you [Death] don’t have any more power than God has given you, and only for a limited time. Enjoy it while you can, but your day is coming. Death itself will die." – Tim ([42:05])

6. Addressing Fear and Future Suffering

• Living with Fear Post-Tragedy:

  • Aileen admits to heightened fear for her remaining children’s safety:

    “We would be waiting to hear them wake up in the morning, and if they didn't wake up fast enough, we'd be going up to make sure they were still breathing.” – Aileen ([44:18]–[45:51])

  • She shares honestly about still struggling with fear, but also the discovery that:

    “I know that I can survive what God hands me. I wouldn't have told you that I would have been able to survive a death of a child, but I can and I did by his grace.” – Aileen ([45:51])

  • Tim:

    "There is joy on the other side of grief ... we're responsible to grieve the griefs and enjoy the joys." ([45:51])

7. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On The Test of Faith in Suffering:

  “We knew in that moment that we had to either live according to what we had always professed…or walk away from this Christian thing altogether.” – Tim ([07:50], [11:58])

• On Deployed Theology:

  “You know what's true…you just have to go with it. It doesn't feel right…your emotions are lying to you.” – Aileen ([13:44])

• On Christian Hope in Grief:

  "The Christian grieves with hope, but I just want to back up—the Christian grieves." – Tim ([47:36])

• On Community Before Crisis:

  "You can't react to that and build true community at the moment of crisis." – Jeremy ([38:26])

• On Heaven’s Reality After Loss:

  "Heaven has become realer and closer...just knowing that our son is there waiting for us, whatever that looks like.” – Tim ([42:05])

• On Emotional Honesty with God:

  “I didn't have to forgive him because he did nothing wrong, but he still hurt me in the process of it.” – Aileen ([30:50])

Important Segment Timestamps

• Nick’s death, learning the news: [06:10]–[08:39]
• Initial faith response, trauma, and deploying theology: [11:58]–[14:51]
• On missing not just what Nick was but what could have been: [22:31]
• Stages of grief, couple differences post-loss: [24:46]–[27:46]
• Stewardship of pain, trusting God’s sovereignty: [30:50]–[32:31]
• Parenting and walking children through grief: [33:07]–[35:27]
• Church community, isolation, and communal grieving: [36:39]–[38:26]
• How suffering has made heaven feel real: [41:15]–[43:11]
• Addressing fear and survival after tragedy: [44:18]–[45:51]
• The gospel hope summarized: [50:45]

The Hope of the Gospel

• Tim offers a concise, contextually-rooted articulation:

  "When somebody dies, we all know that death isn't natural or normal or right or good. It's an intruder into this world. And there's death in this world because there's sin in this world...But Jesus Christ came into this world to fix this world, to make right all that has gone wrong. He did that by suffering, by dying in our place, by taking our sin upon Himself..." ([50:45])

Tone and Takeaway

The episode is deeply personal, raw, and anchored in Christian faith. Tim and Aileen speak with humility and candor about loss, pain, and survival—a tone that is gentle yet profoundly hopeful, never minimizing the reality of grief or offering trite solutions.

This conversation will resonate with anyone walking through suffering or seeking to support those in sorrow. As Tim and Aileen make clear, the answer is not stoicism or quick fixes, but the daily work of faith, grace-filled community, and hope in Christ.

For Listeners Impacted by Loss

• Deploy what you believe before crisis hits; faith and community are built in the day-to-day ([39:36]).
• Grief is personal—honor your own and others’ journeys, and extend grace.
• Seek and accept help from faith communities; don't self-isolate in pain.
• Share truth with those in suffering, and allow others to do the same for you.
• There is real hope and joy possible after loss; neither dismisses nor erases the grief.