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It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there? I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming you live from Delray Beach, Florida. That's right, every Monday. It's a Monday is a mailbag Monday where you, the listener, email me the comedian for advice. I. I have three emails from listeners in front of me. That's the show. One of them, you know, very short and sweet. I love a short and sweet. Love an sas. Love me some sass on a Monday. So. But we need your emails. That's the only way this works. The other, a little more thorough. Jtrain podcast gmail.com I have just received the hard cover copy of Walking Red Flag. It is beautiful. It feel. It's like I'm a little weirded out by how weird I felt holding a hardcover book. I haven't held one in a long time. As horrible as that sounds. It felt like I was at the the book fair back when you'd buy a book and it's like your first time, like shopping. It was weird. But the book is, is I, I. Not to sound like Trump. It's beautiful. It's a big, beautiful book. It is. It is a one. It's very humbling to sound like a douche. It is cool. The artwork, it pops, the colors. I, I'm really very happy. I'm excited for people to receive it and own it and have it on a. You know, to have me it and it's what I want out of a book. It is. Put it on the coffee table, put it in your bathroom. Easy reading. Give you a laugh. That's what it's all about. And if you could pre order it, that would be, you know, I, I don't believe in favors being done. You listen to this show because it gives you a moment away from your life and lets you kind of deal with other people's issues for a little bit. It gives you that moment to put your brand on the shelf. That. That is my goal with this show is to give you value when it comes to doing favors. For someone who's getting paid to do a podcast that, you know, gives you value, you know, we're favors. I don't know. I just don't buy it. I. I just saw this thing. I'll probably talk about it tomorrow. Bobby Altoff doing her open mic on the Netflix is a joke festival on the same. The only reason I bring this up, same date and time as my show, which is this week. If you want to, you know, you have a choice to make. You can pay to go to a, you know, to go watch a car wreck. As I would describe it, you know, if someone had to go do their first time doing standup, that's going to be a version of a car wreck. It's not going to be, you know, real good. I would assume, unless she's the greatest genius of our time. I, I, I'm gonna bet others on the other side on that one. But you know, you could also go to my show that this is the exact same time and 15 minutes away. I'm, I'm performing on the Netflix as a joke festival. There's a hundred tickets left and my show is one that's been worked on for two years. Or you can go to the, the, the what? The person asking for favors, they're asking you to do them a favor and buy a ticket to their open mic. I'm not doing that. I provide a service. The service here is to again give you a moment, a break from your own life. The favor I'm asking for pre ordering the book, which helps me get on the New York Times bestseller list and helps, you know, my name get out there more so that this podcast can live on and the other things I do can get some attention and hopefully I can do this forever as that's my goal. Someone asked me what's your dream? My dream is to do this comfortably forever. So that's enough out of me. I sound like a miserable. I'll talk about that on Tick Tock Tuesday. This is not the place for that. I have three emails. J train podcast, gmail.com again la amongst other places. I'm doing a book tour which is out the tour, the book tour schedule should be out. New York, dc, Boston, Miami. I'm coming back to Miami for stand up. I'm gonna be in Jacksonville's coming up. Austin, Texas. Cleveland, Ohio. West Hampton Beach, Miami, Foxwoods, Portland, Maine. I was just in Connecticut. Wonderful shows in Norwalk. I was at a JCCC on a Saturday night that was a great time. I loved it. I, I, I love the show. It's again, the show is the best part. The show, the show. As Bo Schembechler, the coach of Michigan used to always say the team, the team, the team. Well, it's the show, the show, the show. So as long as that goes well, I'm happy. So thank you to everyone in Connecticut that came out. If I, if we met, hello and thank You. Hi, Jared. Let's do the first one. Jared. Love the pod. I'm a year old female living in New York City. I froze my eggs because work paid for it. Good for you. I want to have two to three kids and I don't want to be stressed about my biological clock. It's not that deep to me, so I don't think it requires a big reveal. But do you have any suggestions on how to approach it if it comes up on a date? I think the way you said it was wonderful. I froze my eggs, work paid for it. I want to have two to three kids. I don't want to be stressed about my biological clock. I, I think that's a beautiful. There it is done. I think the fear might be again, I can't speak to the fear because I'm not the one getting my eggs frozen. And let me also say, and I said this on a past episode, I, I, I kind of spoke, I would say in the past, I used to, There is, there is the freezing your eggs is good because it takes something off your mind. When I say that. I never thought of the experience of going to the hospital, you know, maybe being by yourself whether work pays for it or not. It's a heavy thing, you know, you know you're talking about your future, your, your life, your dreams, your hopes. So I don't want to, I have in the past taken the subject lightly because it's like, wow, now you can like date, like, so to speak, you can go out without this thing hanging over you that you might have to miss. And, and now that is a, a version of a relief. I do think that's part of why people do it, but I, I don't think I ever, I remember, I mean, I talked about this on you up way back when I went to the hospital to have something done. And just going to the hospital alone is just like a not fun thing. It is heavy. So let me all, let me just acknowledge that as like part of this. And you know, I think every information about you is your opportunity to see how someone reacts. So the beauty of, hey, I have my eggs frozen because work paid for it, but also because I didn't want to have to worry about my biological clock. And I'd like to have two to three kids. Their reaction is a gift. If someone look hears that and says, oh good, you can without worrying now, like, they're probably not on the same page as you. They're probably not thinking of the future in the way you are. If someone says, you, I Got to, you know, if someone responds and probably, you know, how I have responded to that, you know, in more mature years would be like, that's amazing. Good for you. I'm, I'm happy for you that you had the ability to get that done. And it must be quite of a relief. I would think that's like a normal answer. Now, if you're asking now to go to the fear that I would assume is that you might sound like you're getting ahead or that you are rushing to the next step. That is not how I've ever received it. When it's said this way again, people can say things I could have received. If someone said, I got my, my eggs are in my backpack. I have a cooler that I brought with all my eggs that I retrieved and I'm ready if you are right after this. But that's not going to happen. That's not how it happens. But in general, in, in probably in mass and, and you know, in as far as probabilities are concerned, I've, I've never heard someone talk about freezing their eggs and been like, oh, better run. This chick's ready to get married and have kids. Oh, what a crazy lunatic. She's trying to rush ahead, you know, trying to pull the goalie on me like that. All those things are not thoughts I've had. Now. What have I thought are more realistic, more natural thought is they're on their, they're organized, they're ready, they're serious about their life. They have organized themselves in a way to be prepared for when that person comes along. I don't see any negative in revealing this information. But also it's your information to reveal. You don't. Not everyone deserves every piece of information about you. Just because they're on a date with you, buying you a couple drinks, doesn't mean they should know that you should feel like you have to tell them that you've frozen your eggs. I think now to me, I, I, I, I do have a, a little bit of a calmness when I hear someone's frozen their eggs. I'm like, okay, they are maybe more okay with figuring this out than maybe someone who hasn't. You know, maybe that time again does play into this. So, but I, I also my, my initial vibe from someone who says, and especially the way you wrote it, I froze my eggs because work pay for it. When I have two to three kids and I don't want to be stressed about my biological clock, I would say, wow, that's someone who has it together. That's like a plus. That's someone who's thoughtful. That's someone who I, I, I can't see a negative in that. I so you're saying how to approach it if it comes up on a date, what you wrote is how I would say it. And I would be free. I would, I would feel free to judge someone who didn't make me feel great about that conversation. That, that's the other thing. How does someone make me feel in the conversation I'm having with them is really the most important thing of all. You know, I, I'll give you an example. When I say I'm a comedian, there's a billion ways to react to that. Oh, my God. When did you start? I love comedy. What type of comedy do you do? I've never heard of you. I've never heard your stuff, but I, I gotta go check you out. These are all, like, amazing things to say. Interested, thoughtful. I had a woman today. Emily and I are walking along the beach. A woman comes up to me walking in the other direction. She goes, she, it's two women. One of the women goes, are you a comedian? I said, I am. She goes, I see your stuff on Tick Tock all the time. You're hilarious. I go, thank you so much. The other woman, she goes, I've never heard of you, but I'm funnier than you. That woman has a real issue. That woman has a real insecurity. You'd say, well, they were joking. Jared, you're being sensitive. There's just another way to go. I, I, oh, you're a doctor. Well, I'm a better doctor than you. I Google and chat GPT all the time. I watch the pit. I'm better than you. It's just a hard way to go. I, I, if I did want to joke around and be jocular, you'd say, well, Jared, you're not a doctor. No, I'm, and, and, oh, you don't need the training it takes to become a doctor. No, I, I, I would agree with you. And there's, there's a difference. But, but similar. You're a doctor. Let me, oh, my God, I have this knee thing. Can you look at it? I don't know. You what? Make an appointment again. How do people make you feel when you say stuff? How you said it? You right here. Plain and simple. J train podcast@gmail.com. j train podcast, gmail.com. we are sponsored Ultra pouches. I am a Ultra Pouch user. I love it. It is a great, I would say, like I'm a coffee drinker. I'm drinking a coffee right now when I want something just to kind of like, like a sucker some, you know, the, the hand to mouth that, that in between, I don't want to have something to eat. Ultra pouch kind of fits in right there. If you're looking for a rush but want to keep it clean, check out ultra pouches. Ultra pouches are designed for mental clarity and enhanced focus. Nicotine free, caffeine free impact with powerful nootropics and vitamins. Ultra pouches gives you a little lift anytime, anywhere. It's like a nicotine pouch without the side effects. I love it. I, I am a user. I love the tropical flavor. It's a little different. It's a great again I don't, you know, do I want to have six coffees a day? No. Would I like to have three coffees and pop it in an ultra pouch? Yeah. I, that's kind of how it fits into my life. Ultra pouches come in five great flavors. The cool mint's good, the winter green's good, The Tropical's great watermelon and all the all new blue Raz. You're gonna love them. Ultra is the ultimate guilt free pouch delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use Code J train to get 15% off at take ultra.com that's take ultra.com for 15% off with code J Train. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them, support the show and tell them the J Train podcast sent you two more emails. No more sponsors. So this is all me. I told you I'm on the road. We talked about the book. I'm putting up with V the producer here, she helps me put up stand up on YouTube and it's really just crowd work. We go through the video, I do an hour show and within the hour things come up. I talk to the crowd a little bit. Someone might yell out. We take all those moments and we make a little bit of a highlight reel or a lowlight reel. It's, it's a little bit me struggling through someone who might not get that the show is a show that's prepared for them. So if you'd like to watch that. They're all on my YouTube. We just had one go up this, we'll have another one go up. This week we had a couple from Tempe that were fun. J trade. I'm a 32 year old female dating my 28 year old male boyfriend for a little over 6 months. Patreon member and you up subscriber here. Well, thank you. Talk about support. That is, that's. Thank you. I really appreciate that. We had a trip to Charleston and tickets to your show in January. Sadly, they all got canceled because of the massive snowstorm. I remember I I there's the show did go on but I didn't get to go to Beach Mountain that weekend. I had to like push off the Beach Mountain trip. That storm really. But they right. But feather. Feather. Well thank you. That storm really like people were I I get it. And I made a tick tock. I remember that took off. It was like when people talk about snowstorms, I'm like you never think of the ground that's a northeast when you, when you I said in the tik tok. But when you have to, when you are deciding between doing the homework that's due tomorrow or taking that night off because you think there might be a school cancellation, you start knowing about meteorology and what how snow accumulates. I'll tell you that we've consistently seen each other once a week since the start. In the past couple of months, it's naturally progressed into three to four nights a week. Anyway, one night after dinner, Reed I was a little tipsy. So you're after dinner a little tipsy. I said it would be so much easier if you just moved in with me. And he said he's actually thought about it and would love that. I brushed it off at the time, but he's brought it up a few times since. Now we're talking about moving in together this fall. Here's the thing. I do want that. But I've never lived with someone other than the roommate I had when I was in school slash residency. And I love my alone time, like deeply. For years, I've had one to two sacred me days a month. Oversized T shirt, hours of reality tv, doordashing, massive fast food meals, tick tock spirals. It's my reset. I've told them I love lazy days, but the idea of someone witnessing me burp or suck down a Taco Bell hot sauce packet like a gogurt and yikes. That's her yikes, not mine. I, I was a little turned on. So don't, you know, don't put, don't put a yikes in my mouth. So before moving in, what advice do you have? I'm excited about this. But also, no, it will be an adjustment no matter who it is. Thanks for all you do well. I love this email. Congratulations on the Upcoming move. I'm, you know, I'm, I'm preparing for Emily to move down here and cohabitate this apartment that I sit in right now. And I've only ever moved in with one other person. I, I, we're not a throuple, so that didn't work out. So, you know, I can only speak from this email. Personal experience, the things that maybe I didn't do in the past, the things that I would like to do even right now, you know, Emily's here sitting somewhere in the apartment. She might be listening to this right now. There's things we haven't discussed yet. Have to discuss them, and those conversations got to come up and you got to, they might be a little uncomfortable. I would say this the answer sometimes in the email, I think when you ask someone while a little tipsy, you're softening and you're not really getting it all on the table. I think you need to, how do I say this? I, I, I was going to say grow up, but like, listen, I, I've been a little tipsy at all ages and said things that I was like, trying to say, so grow up isn't the right way to put it. I would say you gotta, I, I would say you need a, a sober conversation that I think that would make you feel better. And I would say to them, hey, like, I, I, I'm excited for you to move in, but can we discuss the dynamic? And let, let me give you one thing about me as a, as a, I would say that, like, that could be a fun way to just exchange. Here's one thing I'm concerned with. We, because let me just tell you, your, your boyfriend, 28 Bale, moving in with you, he's got his own insecurities. You're, you're the star of your movie, but he's got his own movie that he's writing. And he's got things on his mind. I promise you that. So maybe the next day it's a sober date or it's a sober hang and you say, I've got three things that scare me about moving in. Can you prepare three things too? And maybe that's a fun way, a gamified way to exchange the thoughts. One, I sit on the couch like a dead body once a month. And here's my three, you know, I eat Taco Bell hot sauce like it's Go Gurt while dressed in what looks like a hamper. I look like a pile of dirty clothes once a month for the full day. And I need you to know that a little alone time means a little bit more disgusting than maybe that sounds. And I need you to understand that. And there might be a day, once a month where the lights need to be out for the whole day. And I will take over one room and it will look like a pillow fort that a 4 year old would make. And I need you to just stay away. Maybe that's it. And. And I think what you'll find is this alone day that you have. Let's say this is what you need, is your mental health. Fine, then he'll stay away. He'll know it's coming. Let's say you move in with someone. I think things change. I think that alone day maybe becomes a day for both of you. Maybe that becomes half a day. Maybe that becomes an hour. Maybe he knows there's a certain show where that's your alone time. Maybe things change when someone moves into the picture. And this alone day, which could be anything from normal thing to crutch you use to avoid what's going on in your life, because I have those things too. You know, I would. There would be days where I'd be like, okay, I'm just gonna like, go watch football and drink for the rest of the day and then pass out at night after eating too much Chinese food. Was that my alone day? Was that mental health? I could have rationalized that as mental health that time. I think that was also a version of me trying to kind of erase the things that I had to get done and kind of, you know, wash time away. I think that was a little bit of a crutch to do. Now, do I like to watch football and, and spend time on the couch while eating Chinese food? Of course I do. Do I like a drink once in a while? Of course. I have always liked to drink. You know that. But to do it for 12 hours straight, you know, again, what you're describing, there's a spectrum. So my advice to you is to have a sober conversation with your boyfriend, tell him that you said what you said because you can't wait to move in with him. But these insecurities have developed since we've like, put pen to paper and decided this is something we're going to do. I want to also hear your insecurities and insecurities. Vulnerability produce vulnerability and insecurity. You'll hear back. And if he can't give that back to you, then I, I would. That's in a different conversation. Why you got to open up to me? I'm opening up to You, I just told you, I, you know, I, you know, face myself with a chalupa. Okay, so why don't you open up a little Jtrain podcast, gmail.com. j train podcast@gmail.com. i got one more email in front of me. I want you to come to a show. The show's good. I did the show at a JCCC with a bunch of, you know, with all ages there. I mean I, this show to me is, is, is worth the price of admission. I can't speak to Bobby's open mic. I can speak for mine. J Train, big fan of all you do. For the past few years, my 26 year old sister has worked full time for business. She's done a great job but has the desire to go into acting. She's been doing, coaching and auditioning for some months now. My parents have known about it. My parents have known about her true dream for a while. But she officially told my dad she's leaving the company in a few weeks. They don't want her to leave. This is tough. They want her to try a different role at the company. She's pretty set on pursuing acting. Even our other sister laughs at the idea she could actually be an actress. I'm the only one that believes she can. Oh, that's really sweet. How do you recommend we help our parents understand? Well, and it says, do you have any advice for someone following their quote, their parentheses, crazy dreams? This is. I have advice. I have advice that your parents wouldn't want to hear. There's only one way for her to do this and that's to do it. She'll always regret it. She, you know, I, I'm very lucky. My parents, I remember I told them I wanted to be a comedian, I wanted to do comedy. And my dad was like, you got some savings, you're not married, you have no kids, now's the time or never. And your sister at 26, I don't know her financial space or where she is at, but it's pretty simple in the gig economy at 26 to figure out a daytime thing or you simple. I, I don't want to make it too simple but you know, she working at. Let me, let me go back a second. She ain't gonna be an actress while working at her family's business. That's just the reality. There are other people out there going harder, going stronger that will get that gig because they just have the energy. Energy is like a phone battery. You only have so much. I remember when I was leaving my job, I Remember, I had a manager who said something along the lines of, oh, my cousin does stand up at the Jersey Shore. He goes up at the open mic nights every few nights. Why don't you do that while you do this? And that wasn't an option for me. I didn't think that was a winning strategy for this is going to be my life. You kind of have to, like, you know, not to go into, like, manosphere, you know, hustle speak, but you got to burn the boats. You got to give yourself no opportunity to look back. This idea, you know, your parents, what they're doing is they want stability and they want the best for your sister. I think. I think, you know, I. So your parents, I get it. They're like, but you're. You're having a family business is something that's in her favor. She has a job to come back to. She has. And I'm sure, but you can't. But also, you. Again, I'm talking this out. I. I read these emails as I. With you on the show, and I'm going to get to a better piece of advice in a second. But I would say to her, you know, you don't leave your job to pursue acting in a dream. That is almost impossible. Thinking, well, I'll work at the family business if it doesn't work out. That can't even be on your mind. It has to be. This will work out. There is no other option. And it's going to work out in a way that I will be happiest. And that's the major thing she has to be ready to do. And I remember when I was gonna do comedy and wanted to do comedy, I even had the mindset that if I was writing greeting cards, it wouldn't matter. At least I was scratching this itch. I didn't know where this pursuit was going to take me, but it was gonna take me to a place that let me be happier. And I think that's, you know, that's why I always went wide. I always was like, I'll try a podcast. Of course, this was 13 years ago when I started this podcast. You know, oh, of course I'll take that meeting. Of course I'll go talk to that person. Of course I'll go, you know, to that open mic. Let me. Oh, let me try that class. You know, everything was open because I had nothing. I had no experience in it. And I, you know, just like you said, she's doing coaching and auditioning for some months now, but to half do it is its own Version of hell, half doing something, half trying to be an actress, do it, fail quickly, come back home. That would be my advice to her. And here's the other thing. And this goes back to telling people, I'm a comedian. She has to do this without everyone else pushing her into it. Nobody cares if she makes it. Nobody needs her to be an actress. She needs to be an actress so that she can be happy. That's an I statement. You as a sister are the people that when you do go and make these pursuits, when you do become a comedian, when you become an actress, you, the sister writing in, you're special. You're like an amazing, wonderful asset. I, I remember all those people. I remember all those people who were cool when I said, I'm gonna, I'm being, I'm trying to become a comedian. I'm, I'm trying to be. Be funny for money. I'm trying to do this weird thing. I remember who was cool. I remember who wasn't cool. I'll never forget that. I can't forget it. It. It, it is, it. It's haunted. Like, I'm thinking of someone right now. They wouldn't even know how cool. And you'll have those people. So this sister writing in, you know, when you say that the other sister laughs, you can't really use that other sister laughing as, like, inspiration. You just have to go, I get it. Yeah, it's, it's, Yeah, I guess it is kind of crazy. That's all you can say to them, to the sister that believes in you, you go, thank you. You know what, what an amazing thing. I, I, you know, my brother, same way he was always pushing. It's not, what are you doing? It's how you gonna do it. I talked about it in my speech. If you go watch it in my best man speech for my brother, I, I talked about it with him and Ruthie. It's not, what are you doing? It's how you gonna do it. What's the plan? Are you gonna be an actress? Okay, you're going coaching. What's the first audition? Where are you gonna go? Like, those are the people that inspire you. Those are the people that make you feel good about it. But you can't assume anyone's gonna do that because everyone's got their own life. They don't need to cheer for you. No one has the energy. And her parents, they're correct. They're doing. They're trying to find their own happiness. The parents have a business and health insurance and, And a life set up that they set up, that they're going, this is easy. You know, take this route and it makes their life easy. Of course, everyone's personally motivated, so to me, she has to say, I love you, but this is something I have to do and you have to do it. And your parents, I'm sure they'll be okay with that. You know, unless she gets into drugs and she's in the middle of the, an alleyway after, you know, a year later, you'll go, jared, you told her to do this. No, she's got to get it out of her system. And when you get it out of your system, you either do it so hard that you, you can't stop and it's an obsession, or you go, you know what? This isn't really what I wanted. I mean, stand up became an obsession for me. That's why I get so fucking angry at Bobby Garbage. Going and doing a stand up show on the same night as me and writing in her thing, she has no material. And I'm sitting there going, maybe I'll just cancel my show and go judge the people who goes to hers. And you might be listening, going, jared, you miserable. Well, we disagree. Good luck to your sister. I hope she does it well. I hope she finds happiness. I don't hope she does it. But your parents, different role at the company. That's them. Nah, that ain't gonna make her happier. She needs to know, she needs to find out on her own that she don't got it. And that's what she needs. I need a. I need a no. I had that with the Netflix special. I've first Netflix special. I, you know, 37 and single. I made it myself, I paid for it. And then I said, once we get no's from every possible place that it could go up, then we'll put it on YouTube. And then Netflix said yes. Same one with the next one. The family plan. It's coming out at the end of this, it's coming out in the fall. Get me no's from everyone possible, then we'll put it on YouTube. And it took a year. It took more than a year. So, you know, I had to hear that. And I think your sister does too. And you know, going into the marketing section of the company or being the front desk woman, because that can let her do her acting, that ain't gonna work. JTrain podcast, gmail.com every Monday. Keep sending your emails. We love your emails. And thank you so much for listening, Bo.