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It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Delray Beach, Florida. That's right, every Monday is a mailbag Monday, where you, the listener, email me, the comedian with questions, anything you want. Why would you ask a comedian for advice? Well, I've always felt that comedians are great at giving advice because they're great at receiving your story. There's no shock here. There's no. You did what? No, every story is taken as is and then we make a move with it. A comedian's job is tell me why the house is on fire from your perspective. That's the job. So that's what we're gonna do. We? Me, what I'm gonna do with your email. Also, I don't have to make eye contact with you. I don't. And I don't need to get a laugh. That's a, that's a, that's a powerful thing too. When you're trying to get a laugh, you're kind of like looking over the necessary details. So I'm gonna go. And, and I've been asked this before, Jared, you know, you know, oh, how do you be funny when you're giving advice? No, you give advice and then you hope to sprinkle in the funny. I listen, I, A lot of you have been here for years. Thank you. If you're new, email j train podcast gmail.com and it can be anything. Relationship, family, friends, anything you're going through, email it in j train podcastmail.com we always need emails. I got three in front of me. That's what we do every Monday. Three listener emails. We, we have one sponsor. I'll get to the sponsor after the first email. Jared, absolutely love tuning into your podcast. Wanted to write in for your advice on how you would navigate my situation. This is perfect. It's personal, it's real. There are stakes. I live in a suburb of Dallas and have been married for two and a half years. I still have plenty to learn as a relatively new wife at the age of 40. Hence my reaching out. Well, who better to reach out to than an unmarried 41 year old comedian? That's the funny part here. That is funny in itself. But also, I don't know, I don't have any. My biases might not be as personal as maybe another married person. We'll see. My husband is a great man. Who is exactly as he appears, honest, responsible, reliable, dedicated, genuine, etc. We align on these values as our foundation. My family all live on the east coast. My husband's parents and his sister, brother in law and three nephews all live in the same neighborhood about 15 minutes away. Okay, so you are kind of playing an away game. Your husband, his parents and his sister and brother in law and three nephews. So his sister's family and his parents live 15 minutes away around all in the same. Oh they live in the same neighborhood 15 minutes away. Okay. My sister in law is the best case of attention seeking behavior I have seen in a 40 year old woman. She looks like a real 6 foot tall Barbie doll. Think of a very tall blonde who has had plastic eyes who has had every plastic surgery the Kardashians have endured. The girl doesn't seem to own a piece of clothing that isn't skin tight. She does not go unnoticed in any setting she is in. Okay, you have painted a picture the bet my sister I the way you wrote that My sister in law is the best case of attention seeking behavior I've seen in a 40 year old woman. So I guess she's a good version of all. That being said, I, I guess some people would say if they've gotten all the plastic surgery and are a blonde Barbie doll with skin tight clothes, you would assume that you'd make a connection to them being not a great person. I, I, I don't know if I would do that. I think you can be a nice person and want all those things, but I understand what you, I, I understand that you're letting us know you like them, I think. But she also doesn't go unnoticed. She thrives on chaos and drama and seems to be assessed and maybe not. She thrives on chaos and drama and seems to be obsessed with money. Most visits she will throw in dollar amounts and the cost of various things. She continuously claims she isn't cheap yet has had multiple elective plastic surgeries, fillers, botox, etc. Let me say I am, I am not against some of these enhancements. I'm against her cheap charade and how incredibly fake and inauthentic she lives. Okay, I'm a little, I'm, I'm having trouble following the email a little bit. She thrives on chaos. Most visits she will throw in dollar amounts and cost of various things. She continuously claim. She continuously claims she is cheap. So she's saying she is cheap yet is having plastic surgeries and all these things and you're saying the Cheap. The claim of being cheap is a charade and it's not an authentic version of who she is. A common conversation that comes up is the cost of daycare. I absolutely understand the cost of childcare is high. I have heard her complaints so many times and just want to remind her she chose to have children. Unless she plans on quitting her job and staying home with the kids full time, this is the cost of doing business. So you are tired of hearing this same old story. I get it. She sometimes claims she is so busy at work yet has the time to go horseback riding a few times a week for a couple of hours each time during business hours. Okay, it seems you really do not like this sister in law. I mean you're okay. So this is your husband's My husband's parents, his sister and brother in law. So this is his sister. Okay. While my husband spent a lot of time with his family before we met, I feel a strong need to distance myself from the sister in law due to the drama and constant bullshitting. She does not seem to subscribe to the value system he she grew up. She does not seem to subscribe to the value system she grew up with. So you're saying she has gone off the family farm with how she has been brought up. Additionally, she has my mother in law so wrapped up in her spell that I have a hard time believing anything either of them say. I refer to this as the telephone game since the storyline seems to be misconstrued often. My sister in law has nearly full control of her mom and her mom's calendar. It's infuriating from my point of view. She takes advantage of my mother in law and uses her for free child care when my mother in law is a full time caretaker for my father in law with late stage dementia. It's very sad. She is cheap so will overuse her mom for free babysitting, yet hemorrhages money for vanity and other life purchases. So you have made. I'm not saying your judgment is wrong, I'm saying you are made. You have made a full assessment of this person and which you know, feedback wise that's tough to overcome and to get around. So I'm not trying to like give empathy to this. I don't know what the question is so far but it seems as though this sister in law who is your husband's sister. I want to make sure I get this correct because I think that's an important part of this that is her mother. So I don't know what you need from the mother in law. But and again, you're coming from the east coast. You are, as I said in the beginning, playing an away game. So it is. No matter how long you've been in the Dallas area or how much it's home, you're still in their world. And somewhat, and I know you're married, but you're somewhat visiting and that's uncomfortable and that's annoying. And you know, for a little bit the family has to kind of make, you know, make room for you. My sister in law is a FOMO kind of girl and is sure to include us in everything, all the time. I prefer spend my time with my husband, my friends, or enjoying my hobbies. We did just attend two family obligations like her birthday party and then Easter dinner over the same weekend. We will gather for my mother in law's birthday next weekend. There are a lot of gatherings and I want to say no more than I feel I can do to the holiday celebrations and our close proximity in the next town. Okay. I'm a fresher set of eyes on the family dynamics and I cannot unsee the ridiculousness. What are your thoughts? I mean, what feedback and advice can you offer? This delicate balance of being true to myself, but also valuing my family time for my husband's sakes. Valuing family time for my husband's sake. Thank you in advance. A straight shooter who values truth. Well, like I, you know, I can only speak to the emailer. So like, you know, the feedback to me, my first taste of you is like, like when I meet someone who is in my life and like I have all the, I have friends, I have family, and then they are who they are. They are what they are. They are what they is. You know, so this person being the tall blonde Barbie of a person who needs to be in front of the whole room and have all the attention and sucks up all the oxygen. Yeah, that's annoying. And it can be annoying. It can be fun. It can rel. You know, I, I think like saying it's all negative is not the case that there are times where she takes the attention off of you that you're probably thankful for. There, you know, I'm, I'm giving. I, I think in your email whenever I hear a straight shooter who values truth, there's a little bit of a morality play you've done, in my opinion. Who would ever take the side of plastic surgery blonde woman who says they're busy all the time, like you've made her sound unbearable, which she very may well be. But you're saying I also have to deal with her, and she's taking advantage of an old woman who has a husband with dementia. Like, there is a picture that has been painted. You have painted it. Well, I am looking at the woman that you're talking about in my mind's eye. But you say, what are your thoughts? What feedback and advice can you offer? I, I think you need, like, to me, when I'm, like, looking at someone acting ridiculous, when I'm on a flight and someone's being crazy, the only thing I really need is to look over at someone, make eye contact, and have them be like, right. Crazy. Right? I just want to know that I'm not living in this delusional dreamland. And that's the beauty of, like, getting married and having a relationship, is that you have someone next to you during these odd moments that you can go, this is crazy. Right? I had something happen, you know, I, I, I, I have a new girlfriend. Emily's been wonderful, and I've enjoyed it. And I, one of the things I've really enjoyed is Emily just being there to be like, yeah, that was crazy. You're not a crazy person. I had this happen the other day. We were at the beach to give you, to give you an example. I, I, I mean, I will say I was at the beach. It's my, my mom, my dad, Emily, my aunt, my uncle. We're all sitting out at the beach, and there was a woman and her mother. She comes up to our whole group and says, my husband is a huge fan of yours. And I said, that's amazing. Thank you. She goes, he didn't want to say anything, but he, you know, he ran away. He didn't want to say anything, but he's a huge fan of yours. And then she made a comment. She goes, I don't really follow your stuff, but he's a huge fan. I don't, you know. And also I, she goes, I went to Penn State. But you, you know, I don't remember you at all. I don't know you at all, but I was in a sorority at Penn State. But I don't know you at all. I was too busy being drunk and, but, you know, my husband really likes your stuff and your comedy. And I go, well, thank you. Tell your husband I said thank you and let him know that I'm really appreciative. But I won't say thank you to you because obviously you are not a fan. You've made a point to let me know, but tell your husband I said, thank you. Not to you, but to your husband. And she walked away. And my family was all there for the whole interaction. And my parents have a tendency to take the other side of any interaction I'm in any weird interaction there on the other side. And my mom and dad are saying, Jared gets really sensitive if someone says anything, anything to him in any way. Let me just agree with them. I am sensitive. I feel every bit of context in a, in a conversation. But I would also say I didn't invite someone over to say something to me in a way I would never say it. If I met someone that was a comedian that my spouse was a fan of, I would either say nothing or hey, they're a huge fan. My, you know, my spouse is a huge fan. Or honestly, what I probably would say is we're big fans. Just wanted to let you know and, and moved on. This woman made it a point to elaborate on I don't watch your stuff and I didn't even know who you were in college, but my husband likes it. Again, just an extra step that I am sensitive to how people say things. And she walked away. My parents were going, you're so sensitive. I go, you didn't think that that conversation was off? And they go, oh, well, you know, you know, she just wanted to let you know her husband knows. I go, you didn't hear the way she said it was a completely batshit insane way to say that. And Emily looked at me and goes, yes, that was completely off and just off. At a minimum, it's off. And the happiness I felt to no longer be alone in this world, to have someone look at me. And my aunt said too. She goes, that was a weird way to say that. While the rest of the family is looking at me going, Jared, you're the sense of. So this is my point is all to say what are my thoughts? My thoughts are that you're being very negative against your sister in law. You have a problem with them, you have made your assessment and you're somehow taking this moral high ground of because you're honest and you value truth and they obviously don't. They're lying to themselves, they're insecure. So they say these things out loud to. And, and there might be an opportunity in the future where they can say how cheap they are and you might be able to call them out. But if you're always on the lookout for it, you're never going to feel good about it. The minute you, if you try to make them know how not cheap they are and how they spend on things that you find frivolous. You will not feel good calling them out. I promise you. I've tried it. It doesn't work. It won't work. I'm the ghost of Uncomfortable Future because in their mind they are cheap. They have no time. They need to rush to horseback riding and they're not doing the thing that you're doing, which is I have time in comparison to the person who's doing worse in the world. They are lucky that they are so removed from the world that they don't even think of people who really are busy. It that's your plight. That's your plight in life. What I would say is what advice I have for you is confide in your husband. It will make you feel better if he's like, no, I totally get it because I felt better. I didn't need my parents. I didn't need to change their mind on me. They've made their decision. I just needed the person that I am with and that I care about to go, I see you. Yeah, that was nuts. And that made me feel better. So that might help you. J train podcast@gmail.com J train podcast@gmail.com I am on the road. Vegas, La Jacksonville, Austin, Cleveland, Hamptons, Miami, Foxwoods, Portland, Maine we are sponsored hero bread. I have two slices of hero bread every morning with my breakfast. I love it. If you're I'm on a GLP1, it it is kind of the dream of the GLP1 is that you can have bread and not be pushed down this road of having chips and salsa and then another piece of bread and then another piece of bread with a GLP1. It kind of the the way I've related to it is it's like made me in touch with the food that's going into me. It makes me I feel fuller, faster. And when you have hero bread, this is something to like. I think has been great. A part of this program is that I can eat bread and get the crunch and have the toast with my egg whites, but also not be fending for bread and more bread. And hero bread is going to get me there and it's going to taste just as good as any other bread. If you're trying to eat better, start with hero bread. Hero bread is high in fiber, low net carbs, zero grams of sugar, bagels and pastries for breakfast on the go, hot dog and burger buns for the holidays and cookouts, pasta and tortillas for healthy lunches and nutritious dinners, you'd never know. Hero bread is low DEC carb and high fiber. It tastes great. The texture is fantastic. I can speak to that. The texture is great. It is great. Freezer bread, freezer toast. I'm telling you, hero bread is a great way to get some extra protein in your diet while still enjoying all the bread dishes you love. Hero bread is offering 10% off your order. Go to Hero. Use code feather at checkout. That's code Feather. Feather at H E R O co. We have two more emails. Yeah, I don't mean to be hard on them. They're writing to me so like I can speak to that person. I'm saying they sound like they're on a little bit of a high horse and not that I disagree. You know, their, their, their sister in law is on an actual horse enjoying their day while this person is seething in their home going, how does she not realize she's not cheap? It's like, well, you have a different connection. You know, one plus one isn't always two to everybody. That person looks at their life, their day, and is looking at someone else. They're looking at someone on a better horse who doesn't work. And they're going, wow, I'm really busy. You're looking at them on a horse and going with their beautiful, you know, hot body and going, some people have it all. Jared, love your comedy. Your Phoenix show was amazing. Thank you. I need your advice because I genuinely don't know if I'm overreacting or if this is as bad as it feels. I'm 24 and have been with my girlfriend, 23 for two years and recently saw a text between her and her ex. He wrote, don't you miss how I used to kiss you? And she replied, sometimes. Well, that is a problem. I, I, I don't, I, I'm sorry. And this is young love. And you're 24 and your girlfriend and you, I'm sure, have had a great relationship. You've, you found happiness in it. This is them texting with an ex and, and not in a innocent way. Reading that completely wrecked me. I didn't know, I didn't even know how to react. Well, it's okay to feel upset. That's upsetting. You trusted someone and now how do you believe anything else they've told you? I get that it can, it can infect other parts of the relationship. So I just left and haven't seen her since. Well, that's not a really great way to go about it. I think talking it out will make you feel better, but maybe realizing that this relationship has taken its course and it's. And again, you're, I don't know. It's hard not to, really. Your age. I'll keep going. We don't live. I haven't seen her since. We don't live together. So I honestly don't even think she knows why I've gone quiet. That's another problem. You know, if my girlfriend didn't hear from me for two days or even a day, they'll be like, what's going on? So they should notice that you've gone quiet. What's messing with me the most is that I can't understand why she's even talking to him in the first place. He was her first love, but from everything she's told me, he treated her terribly. Meanwhile, we've built a real relationship and she's always telling me I'm the best thing that's ever happened to her. I don't want to throw away two years if there's more to the story, but I also don't want to be the guy getting played while pretending not to see it. Do I confront her? Do I end it? Or is this one of those things that's bad, but maybe not relationship ending? I can't. Sincerely. Not trying to be a fool. Well, you're 24. Let me. There's a lot I could say to this, but I'm going to speak to how you wrote the email. I don't want to throw away two years. I think that's a perspective that is not going to serve you. Throwing the idea that because this ends or because there has been some form of emotional cheating that's gone on, which I believe this is. This is like, you know, saying, I sometimes miss how you kiss me. I don't want to make assumptions, but I, I, I don't even want to make a label like that. I'm just saying if I saw my girlfriend texting with someone that she used to date, that she misses how he used to kiss her, I would feel thrown as much as you. And, But I would say I wouldn't. Maybe I would feel this way, but it wouldn't be true that everything that happened in the two years prior, prior to this event was some sort of a waste. I think that's a bad way to look at things. I don't think that serves you. I think it's just because, I mean, I have this saying. Just because I have doesn't mean I will. I mean, there could be a Different version. Just because this happened doesn't mean everything else was a lie. You got to know yourself and another person in a way that you never would have learned about yourself and another person. Those are all good things. So the perspective of do I. I don't want to throw away two years. I think that's something that's gonna hold you back from growth, from appreciating the time you had together. But I also don't wanna be the guy getting played. And this, that is a line getting played and sincerely not trying to be a fool. Those are kind of like ego lines. If I. That sounds like someone whose ego is speaking for them, you know, getting played as if get. People who get played are worse humans than people who don't get played. I think at some point everyone has been played. And I also think at some point in everyone is vulnerable enough to be played. You know, that's. That's kind of a. And again, I read these emails as you're hearing them and I kind of come to conclusions as I'm talking this out. But if someone could never be played, then they never really experienced it. They never were vulnerable enough to experience it. Like, you know, I've noticed this with relationships I was in in the past where I was when I was dating and getting like a couple months in, I was holding back and not really letting myself have the fun I wanted to have because I didn't want to maybe show this person that we were a little bit farther ahead than we were. And I didn't want to like make promises with my actions. And that made it so we couldn't get to know each other. So, yeah, I could never be played. I could never be accused of being of leading someone on. But also, I wasn't really living. And now in the relationship I'm in now, and I'm just saying, again, you might say, well, J, you know, new relationship. Jared, look at him. He's, you know, oh, he's. He's really smelling the roses, rose colored glasses. I'm just giving you my perspective as I see it today. But going out, you know, to lunch with Emily yesterday and getting John G's in Manalapan, Florida and doing videos and having her in the videos, I feel like I know her in this different way and I feel good and I feel like I lived it now. If I found out that she's texting someone, I wish, you know, sometimes I think about kissing you. It wouldn't be that I was this loser who got played. It would be this happened and now I need to go forward with that being part of what I know because anyone can be lied to. So that, that again, I just gave you this whole long story and I hope it related, but just remember, anyone could be lied to. So when you say not trying to be a fool, what I, I kind of, again, here's sensitive Jared. I kind of think of how you're saying that I'm not trying to be a fool like those fools over there, because I'm no fool. All of us are a fool. All of us can be a fool. So when you say I'm not going to be a fool, that's a lot of anger and ego that you're speaking with. Do I confront or do I end it? I don't know. I would, I mean, I think even the words, do I confront her? You need to have a conversation with her. Hey, I saw something, I felt this, I'm upset. I, I, now shut up. And you let her have, have let her speak back to you. And I think that's the conversation. That's how the conversation starts. I don't know where it goes. I'm sorry this happened. I, I would say in my life, if I noticed a text that said that my significant other, I would say, and, and again, if this ends, it's ending in a bad way and probably a way she would be embarrassed of. But, and, and again. Well, now I'm gonna go back to your email. She's always telling me I'm the best thing that ever happened to her. That's what you see. Words and actions, these are all things you know. But you're going to be fine. And let me just say also, she's going to be fine. And we're all just trying to get where we're trying to go. We're all just trying to get to a best place. And she's not a bad person. This happens again, especially at 23 and when you're feeling feelings and all this stuff. So I think you have to the best, I don't know, like I, you don't want to vilify someone for just trying to get through life again. We all have things in our past that we wish we had done different or handled different. And she will look at this as that at some point too. But if you look at it as you were played for a fool, I think you're just going to be angry and it's not going to help you. And that these two years, what a, what a waste. The last two years together weren't a waste. You are not a fool for, for being lied to in some way or form, because we all have. But I think you got to talk to her and let her know how I stay in I terms. I feel the. I saw this. I feel this. Your turn. That's. That's. I'm sorry I can't give you more. I'm sorry you're going through this. It sucks. And it doesn't help that I'm like, you're 24 and you're going to be fine. And I mean, the next step is to go hang with friends and family. Don't become a shut in. Don't just be alone. You have to. The problem with being lied to and, and finding out is like, you have to deal with like, what else don't I know? Do I even feel the right way? Hang with friends and family. Those people owe you nothing. You owe them nothing. Sip that and feel the nutrition of friends and family fill your veins. Jtrain podcast gmail.com Jtrain podcast gmail.com I got one more. Ooh. Dear Jared, longtime listener and Patreon subscriber and you up with benefit subscriber. Thank you. First time caller. I'll get straight to the point. I'm the mother to a seven month old baby. He is a dream. I couldn't have asked for more. At the same time, I feel like the past seven months have been a blur. I basically sleepwalk through winter in leggings and oversized sweaters, trying to survive the newborn months. Then I jump back into work and being a mom. Then I jump back into work and being a working mom is not for the faint of heart. I barely have time for myself and I feel like I'm always behind on something. Well, now the sun is coming out and I feel like I'm finally looking in the mirror and don't recognize myself. I But before I got pregnant, I lost approximately 50 pounds to regular old diet and exercise. I was the fittest I'd ever been. I got 10,000 steps daily, went to the gym five times a week and tracked all my calories in an app. But now, after pregnancy and breastfeeding, breastfeeding, hunger, I feel like I'm more or less right back where I started. I know I can lose the weight without medication because I've done it before. But now that we're in the GLP1 era, I wonder if we would. I wonder. But now that we are in the GLP1 era, I wonder if it would be, quote, cheating to go to just go that route. I feel guilty, but to be honest, I don't think I still have the mental energy to count calories and worry about everything I eat, nor do I have the physical capacity and time to go to the gym all the time. And yet somehow taking the medication feels like taking the easy way out. I know you grapple with the mental decision to get on the GLP1. How can I shift my mindset around this? Thanks for all you do, bringing the funnies daily. I. I hope I can put the words I want to put to this in the best way possible because I. I hear you. I feel you. I totally disagree with the idea that taking a GLP1 is cheating. Is taking ADD medication cheating? Is that. Is taking Zoloft depression medication cheating because you didn't do it on your own and, you know, button up your bootstraps and get to work? I don't. I don't find that to be the case. I've never looked at someone on those medications that way. And I would hope that they wouldn't look at me as cheating because I'm on a GLP1. But you can't control how other people feel. It's how you feel. Here's the, here's the thing. I would say whenever I say. Whenever I feel like someone's saying that this is somehow a way not to work. To me, if you're taking a GLP one for the, you know, I don't know. I won't even put that on that for the right reasons. No, for any reason. It's because you don't want to do the extra work you've been doing. That's a different perspective. The idea that GLP1 is to cut a corner. No, no, no, no. It's to stop the overthinking. The more the extra work we have all been doing to eat like a normal person. So when you say you had to use an app and go to the gym five times a week, what about the person who has a. Who has. Who never gains weight and goes to the gym three times a week and has creamer in their coffee? They're not working at all. I'm walking into a coffee shop repeating to myself, just get a coffee. No cream, no cookies, no sandwich. I'm eating a cookie while thinking about the next cookie I want to get in 10 minutes. I'm working harder than anyone who doesn't need the GLP one. So the idea that this is cheating is not the case. This is making you at. Even with everyone who doesn't have food. Who doesn't have food Anxieties, food addiction. You know, again, like if you call it food addiction and you. Because what, what's. What a GLP one has done for me, it hasn't made me skip lunch. It's made me eat half the fries where I would have always eaten all of them. It would have made me eat one bag of chips instead of the three in there. My snacks stay in the cupboard longer, just, just that you don't even notice it. And I'm on the lowest setting. So I hope that that perspective can give you a little bit of allowance, can give you permission because that's all you're looking for, permission. Go on it. Here, here's the thing. Some people are not considered obese and don't use the gym five times a week, get 10,000 steps and track all their calories in an app. Because that, because they're. Well, they're fine. They don't have this issue. They may have other issues that they take medication for, but this isn't theirs. I'm with you. And it's the first thing I noticed it was the extracurricular eating. They say it takes your brain 10 minutes to realize that your stomach's full. I would say that that may maybe for me it took 20 minutes and now I'm down to 10. I realize I'm full faster. So all these things I, I don't think. And again, no one's going to be hard. This is probably how you think of other people on GLP1s. You lost £50 and you didn't need the medication. And look at all these people who needed it. How long could you keep up that life for? Obviously not long at all. Some people have a baby, they go straight back to their, you know, pre baby weight and they're. And they're going to Pilates three times a week. Is that person cutting corners? No. Jtrain podcast gmail.com J train podcast gmail.com here. Every Monday with a mailbag. Monday, back next week, boom.