Loading summary
Transcript1 lines
- [00:00]
A
It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag. Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Gotham Studios in New York. That's right, every Monday is a mail bag Monday, where you, the listener, email me the comedian with your questions. Keep sending them in. That's what makes the J Train go. You participating. We want your emails. Dating, lifestyle, relationships, anything that's on your mind. Why would you ask some random comedian a question? Well, I don't have to make eye contact with you. When you talk to your friends and you ask them for advice, they look you in the eye and then they feel bad and then they lie to you. I ain't lying. I ain't lying. I'm. I'm giving you a Truth bombs. Was that douchey enough? Jtrain podcastmail.com Send your questions yes, send your questions to a guy who just made an explosion sound with his mouth after saying the phrase truth bombs. That's embarrassing. I get that. But I'm gonna. Here's the. Here's my role here. My role is to read your email, make it, and show you that it's not that shocking, whatever you're going through. So we're gonna give you a hug, and then I'm gonna whisper something in your ear that's gonna sting a little bit, but then we're gonna be hugging you. Always hugging. I have three listener emails. I have one ad. I'm in New York City. We're taping this in a studio. If you go look at the clips, if you go see the video from this episode, I'm at Gotham Studios because I had some plain issues. I will get to that on coffee with J Train, which is the Patreon. Patreon.com Jared Free. The link for everything is in the bio. This episode, five bucks a month gets you my personal diary every Friday. We go through the week that was. We tell some stories, had some flight issues based weather and apocalyptic smoke in the air. All of that is what's going on this week. So you can sign up and get that. You'll hear about last week because I'm taping this a week ahead and, you know, I don't want to pat myself on the back too much. I don't want to do it. I'll do it for a half a second. These episodes come to you daily. They're ready for you to put your brain on the. On the Shelf. Some of your favorite podcasts took breaks. I'm. I'm not trying to, like, start anything, but they didn't care very much about you over the summer. They cared about their trip to wherever, to whatever beautiful Italian seaside town where you. And then they tag the hotels and you can go look up the hotels and see how much they cost. Go look at how much the hotels cost of the influencers you follow that bailed on you this week. They ain't putting up podcasts. They ain't going to a studio in New York once their flight gets canceled and renting out space. So why don't we share this show? Share it with a friend. Because I don't leave you. I'm holding you like a baby up to my teeth. You're sucking on my nipple, getting all this sweet J train right in your mouth. Every Monday with a mailbag. Monday. Listen, let's get to the emails. Oh, before we do, Huntington, Long Island. I'm doing the Paramount. I will have more dates coming. Portland, Maine. I'm coming to Portland. Going to have a red dog. Was that a Providence thing? And we got a special coming out. This is coming out July 27th. At some point there'll be an announcement of a special. It's going to be on Netflix. That's the thing I really need you to share, like, because, you know, if I'm looking at the trickle down economics of a podcast, if, if you don't mind, if I, since I'm in a studio, I'll indulge myself if I look at the trickle down economics. I would say the tip of the spear is this Netflix special that people go, whoa, who's this young kid I haven't even heard of? That's the hope. And then they go, he's got a podcast every day except for Fridays, but I can pay for the Patreon. Yeah, that's what I'm looking for out of the special. So if you're like, you know, if you're like, I don't want to share. I don't want to share a podcast that talks about truth bombs and then goes like, I could get that. I could understand that. The special is to be shared. It is beautiful. It looks good. The jokes, I did them for two years all over this great big marble we call Earth. I did them in Europe, did it in Australia, worked everywhere. It's going to work for you, your mama, your papa. It is about going to the beach with my parents. It's a one hour story, no crowd work. That matters to me. I Don't know if that speaks to you. I don't know if you're hearing that going, whoa, no crowd. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck to say. Just go watch it. Turn it on the minute it comes out. I need you. This whole podcast, just me begging. Jared, longtime listener here. Thank you. I don't like this person. They, I assume they're watching at night. One longtime listener. I need your help because I've heard you roast people for setting up friends the wrong way, and I don't want to end up on the receiving end of those rants. It's. I, I, you know, I do think people set up their friends in a, in a way that makes it more difficult, but then they're always saved by the fact that, like, they set ya, you know, if you threw I, I, I would. It's not the same. I, I was about to make a reference to, like, if, if you gave money to a homeless guy, but you threw it out the window at him and let it fall down in the sky, and it maybe doesn't get to them, but you tried. Is that the same as going downstairs and putting the dollar in their hat in a, in a respectful, nice way? That's kind of where, and again, I don't know, want to, you know, use the plight of a homeless person. But I'm just saying, you know, if someone was hungry and you had them over to dinner, but you, you know, threw the food at their face and it didn't get in their mouth, you, you could still say, well, you know, I fed you. So that's kind of what the, with the setup thing is like. It's hard to give feedback to people setting up their friends because you go, well, I, this isn't my job. This isn't my life. So that's the problem is the plight of the single person who wants their friends to set them up. Is that your friends? This is like the 50th thing on their list, which it should be. I'm not saying any friend who's single should be anyone's priority. So this is I, and I don't. That's why I don't think people listen to me when I give fee. You know, you're saying it's a rant. You're already demeaning me. Let me, this is me yelling at the longtime listener. Thank you for listening. I, I don't want to have been on the end receipt. Now I'm ranting at you for selling me. I rant, which I get you'd be like, fuck this guy. I'm just saying, setting up friends the wrong way. I don't want to end up on the receiving end of one of those rats like, you make me sound crazy. I. I'm not crazy. Said the guy who's usually crazy. That's that, you know, screaming into a mic. I'm not crazy. My point is that I'm speaking for a group, single people who no one really feels any. No one cares about them. You know, take what you get, you single loser. That's kind of the vibe from anyone who tries to set you up. Here's. Here's your porridge. And then you say, well, can I meet another friend of yours more? It gets very Oliver Twist very quickly when it comes to getting set up by your friends. Take your ugly gruel and you shall marry it. So I guess that's the reason I rant about this, because it does feel like kind of like a little bit of rolling a, a, a a stone up a mountain that will never get to the top. I'm Sisyphus over here. Is that who I'm talking about? Big Greek mythology guy. Now that I saw the Odyssey, which I'll be talking about on coffee with J Train. Five bucks a month, a little background I live in. I really do get amped up by a studio setting. I love a studio. We tried it on J Train. Listen, Share the podcast. So I got some dough to put into the studio. I. I'm taping from my living room. A little background. I live in Chicago now, but I was born and raised at the Jersey Shore in New Jersey. Love it. Big Jersey Shore fan over here. Ever since moving to the Midwest, my friends have lovingly made fun of me because of the TV show. So for my 30th birthday, I decided to lean all the way in and throw a Jersey Shore themed birthday party. Love this. Love this. This is actually a theme of Coffee with J Train from last week. Letting the current take you away, laying back and letting the river float you to wherever it takes you is sometimes the answer. And I would say that's the. That that is also the. The advice they give for improv. Yes and no, but is not a funny answer. Yes and is a funny answer. So you being for. So them being like, oh, whoa, you're from the Jersey Shore. Hey, Snooki. Yes, I'm Snooki, and I'm gonna throw a Jersey Shore party where you get to be Ronnie. That's it there. It is fun. Love it. So for my 30th birthday, I've decided to lean all the way in and throw a Jersey Shore themed birthday party. Everyone is coming dressed as their own Jersey Shore alter ego, complete with a cast nickname. Think Snooki, the situation. Pauly D. You get the idea. Yeah, I, I know the characters. And, and this is. It is. You know, if you want, like, symbolism, if you want a metaphor for the conversation in the country, this is it. Not to like, not to, like, make this a smart podcast, which it is not. But like, the metaphor here is like, I'm from the Jersey Shore. And someone goes, ooh, Snooki, what are you, a big fucking idiot? And the Jersey Shore has multitudes. Like, it is. There's northern Jersey Shore. There's like, my friends live in Manasquan. Beautiful town. There's Southern Jersey Shore, which is more like Philadelphia. There's like Margate, which is a very Jewish area of the Jersey Shore. There's Atlantic City. There's a whole thing with layers and personalities. But Jersey Shore, the TV show comes out now. Friend with no personality, they can say this, and they get to be funny for five seconds. So, you know, it's. It's like, you know, where's the nuance? Not here, but you're going with it, which you should. And you're kind of serving the least common denominator of human. But that's fun too. Now here's where I need your expertise. I have a guy friend and a girlfriend from church who I genuinely think would be a great match. I've never tried to set two people up before, and I don't want to make either of them feel ambushed. Well, you already have a better mindset than 99% of people who set people up. You even saying I don't want to make either of them feel ambushed is like we. You have the perfect mindset for setting up your friends, knowing that all setups aren't just good because you're doing them a favor. This is showing that you don't pity your friends, that your friends are adults, that you're helping it. This is. This is great. This. I listen, I take a lot of. I take a lot away from how people write things. I've never tried to set two people up before. So you're going, I have an experience and I don't want to make either of them feel ambushed. I care about my friends feelings. That's great start. They're both deeply committed to their faith, Both have a great sense of humor. And here's the coincidence that made me think of it in the first place. He recently finished serving in the Navy and she's currently a Navy recruiter. All wonderful thoughts, all great things that ran through your mind and, and, and I just think you're doing a great job. They both have that service oriented mindset, love their country, and I think they genuinely enjoy talking to each other. Great start. Every single person wants to be set up by their friends for a good reason. That's the biggest part. With a setup they don't want. Nobody wants to be set up because they're two single people who are humans on this earth who breathe air. That is not a thoughtful setup. We do want, and I think we millennials people, everyone wants a tailor made product. Your friend being the product. Everyone wants that bespoke. We like efficiency. We want the Uber to show up right when we walk out the door and we do want a version of that for our human interactions. So you're already doing a great job because some people don't even care about that. Some people go, you're single, you're single. Take each other. You're the only ones that's left. Come on. Come on. Disgustings. This is musical chairs and that's an open seat. Put your fucking balls on it. That's how a lot of people seem like when they're fixing you up. That's a seat. Sitting it. What are you too good for the seat? That's kind of how people are. You're doing a great job so far. So what's the right play? Do I give one or both of them a heads up before the party? Do I tell each of them, hey, I think there's someone here you'd enjoy meeting or do I say nothing? Let them naturally meet at the party and follow up afterwards if there's seems to be chemistry. Basically, how does a first time matchmaker do this without making it weird? Then again, they say never fall in love at the Jersey Shore. Help me help others. Thanks. I love this email. Thank you for sending it in. As I said before, you're already doing a great job. You have found two single people and you have a good reason that they might be a match that is like 99.9% better than most setups. What I would do, I would not. And, and you know, when you give advice to faceless people via an email they send in, you got to generalize. And I'll live in a generalization that is done through. You know, I'm connecting some dots here that when you say they're very into the church and they are committed to Their country and acts of service. Here's what I'm gonna kind of believe is that they're a little bit more old school, that they're a little old fashioned, that the woman would want to be pursued, that the man would want to ask her on the date. These are all nice things. Not better, not worse than anyone else. Just what it is. What I would do is before the party, do not tell the woman a thing. She is more likely to be convinced to go on the date than him. And you might say, well, why? He's a guy, he loves women. No, men don't go on dates with women they're not attracted to. So you have to let that be something that could happen. It doesn't matter how much they have in common. This guy is checking one box to go on the date. Your friend, the woman is probably checking 10 boxes. Are they passionate? Are they safe? Are they a nice guy? Do they have a good job? Do they. Are they career oriented? Do they want a family? All these things that you could get her. And you know, on. On the list, number 11 maybe is. Would I fuck him? So him. We want to go to him first because we want to create as little problems for you as possible. So I would go to him and be like, hey, there's a woman that's going to be at the party that I love and I think is great. And I. It just. When I was doing the invite list, it just occurred to me that she's single and you're single and you do have a lot in common. Based on what I know about both of you. See how like, it's all I mode I and not that you should. Don't push. This is just you going. When I was putting together this invite list, I just had this thought that, like, she works in recruiting and you were in the Navy and you both are involved with the. Your faith. And I just had this thought. So I'm not telling her, but I wanted to let you know that she's single. And if you want the number after the party, I will give you her number to ask her out. But if you don't want her number, this is the last you'll hear from me. So now you've made it a rope poll situation. You can't push a string, so you don't want to have to get someone pushing something back to you. You want them to pull on the rope. That is how every setup should be set up. Let it. So he can pull on the rope that pulls a bell that says, I would fuck her. Ding, ding, ding. Alert the townspeople. I got an erection when I thought about her later that night. And now you go to the. Now you get. Now you go to her after the party. Let's say this happens. He leaves the party. He goes, she was awesome. Uh, he might even ask her out at the party based on this information. That would be the best case scenario. Hey, man, there's a woman coming. I just think you guys would be a great match. If you think she's great too, after the party, let me know. I'll give you her number. Or just know she's single and someone that if you connect with her during the party, you. You. You know, I would ask her out. This is the last you'll hear from me. Unless you want the number. Boom, there it is. Now he pulls the string. Now she's not involved because again, this gets personal. This turns in when. When everyone knows. Ooh, it turns into a, you know, like a. An 8th grade boy girl party. Ooh. You need to keep this to yourself and him. Let them know she can be brought in later. And before you give him the number, you go, hey, there's a guy at the party that's single. I kind of talked you up a little bit. He was totally interested. He wanted your number. Is it okay if I give it to him? Done. Boom. J train podcastmail.com J train podcastmail.com we are sponsored. Quo. I love this sponsor. Missed calls and forgotten follow ups can ruin your business. That's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo, the business communication system. Built so you never miss a call. Quo is the number one rated business phone system built to work on your phone and computer so you can respond anywhere and anytime. Get calls, texts, voicemails, transcripts, and contact details all in one place. Anyone on the team can pick up a conversation, see the full history, and respond fast. Quo automatically logs, calls, generates summaries and flags next steps. It can even respond after hours so nothing falls through the cracks. Replies happen faster and customers actually feel taken care of. Communicate faster. Stay aligned and deliver results with Quo. Try it today and see why. Quo is trusted by more than 90,000 businesses. Listen, I don't know what's going on in your life, for some of you, that that sponsor might not work if you have a business. Ah, this is something I would want. So money is on the line. Always say hello with Quo. Try Quo for free. Plus get 20 off your first six months when you go to quo.comJ train. That's quo.comJ train. Quo no missed calls, no missed customers. That's our one sponsor today. So it's all. This is all meat. You're getting all the meat at the end of this episode. Two more emails. Keep sending yours in J train podcast gmail.com here at Gotham Studios. Thank you for having us. Beautiful studio. If you go check out we. You know the J Train podcast Instagram account is cooking. I ask you to follow it only because, listen, this is a daily show. I'm a podcast listener too, so I understand, like, you know, you miss a couple days. Ah, I've had enough of Jared yelling at me. Oh wait. Oh look at that clip. It's a reminder. It's a commercial for you, so go follow jtrain podcastmail.com youm can DM us your questions at the Instagram account at J Train Podcast. So Jared, hope you can give me your thoughts on who should pay for an engagement ring. I don't think there's a better person you could have gone to than a guy who has never been engaged who doesn't care about an engagement ring. So I think you've come to the the least emotionally impacted place. Like, you know, if I was to get engaged, yeah, I'm gonna get something that's that that make. Well, I'll get into it. My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time. We were about ready to get engaged. We have gone ring shopping and I have a pretty good idea of what I want. The only snag we were running into is timing and finances. My boyfriend just finished law school and is currently getting ready to take the bar exam. He is very good with his money and has never asked me or expected me to pay more than my fair share for anything in our relationship, even when he was financially tight during law school. However, as a result of paying for law school, not being able to work for a while in school, as a result of paying for law school, not being able to work while in school, his funds are quite tight right now. Understandably. We have a trip planned later this year and we both talked about getting engaged on this trip and how nice it would be. The ring that I want would likely be kind of difficult for him to afford 100% on his own right now. Would it be weird for me to offer to chip in for part of the ring? This way I could get the exact ring I want and we could have the ring in time to get engaged on our trip. I'm usually not a traditional gender roles type person, but with an engagement ring, I always imagine my partner would Be buying it for me. Should I just outright offer to pay for part of it? I offer to loan him some of the money now and he can pay me back when he's done taking the bar exam and has returned to working. Or do I just wait it out until he has the money and we get engaged a later date? I can tell the idea of paying for the whole ring while also dealing with the insane pressure of the bar exam is stressing him out. And that's the last thing I want for him. Thank you so much for your help. Now I love this email because you kind of like go back and forth in a weird way to me. Like if I'm like to taste this email, like, like put it in my mouth, swirl it around, I. You write some things that are specific. My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time. We have gone ring shopping. I have a pretty good idea of what I want. So that to me is like, you're flexible or you're lying one of the other. Because you go, I have a pretty good idea of what I want. And then the ring that I would want would likely be difficult for him to afford 100% on his own. So which is it? And then I'm not usually a traditional gender roles type person with an engagement ring. I always imagine my partner would be buying it for me. I think you have to decide if the ring is a ring or a symbol. That would be to me. And again, like, I'm not sitting here being like, rings are stupid. I'm not saying rings are stupid. I'm not saying getting a diamond of whatever size or quality or whatever you get is what you get. But the point of it is a show of commitment and love and the relay, you know, to me now you might hear this and go, shut the fuck up, you loser. I want a big fucking rock and it's gotta be on my finger. And I want everyone to see that I got the goods and that might be it. And now you've made your decision. Chip in. It's important to you. It's important to you to have a big fat rock. And when you look at it, you only think of big fat rock. I don't think that's the case for you. Most people want to look at their ring and think of their relationship and what the person means to them and what the ring means as far as commitment is concerned. So again, like, and then there's a lot of pride and there might be some pride involved in. Look at what, look at the big fat rock. I Got that also represents commitment. Like, again, this is why the conversation is so viral. I remember we did a whole thing about, you know, lab grown versus, you know, diamond, whatever. Lab grown diamond versus regular diamond. And you know, the, the, the comments are passionate. Again, like, I'll probably use this as a clip and you'll go to the comments section and you'll. If it, if it goes, you'll see two people tell their whole life story and they'll sound crazy. They're actually batshit looney tunes insane. Like, no one cares about how, why they got their ring and why their ring is important. And I chipped in for my ring and it actually brought us together closer. Like, this is why clips and the Internet and the commenters are fraudulent. They're all just idiots telling you their personal tale because the therapy appointment isn't until next week and they need somewhere to spew it. So, again, I mean, like, you could say that about this podcast. For me, this is, this is my version of therapy. I'm just. Listen, you wrote to me. I don't think, I mean, like, I wouldn't want. I, I, to me. What, what, what would I want? I'll, I'll tell you what I would want if I, if, if I was in this position. Money's tight. I want to get engaged. I'm going on this trip. I to want. Have the bar exam coming up. I would want to have the engagement that made me feel good. The engage. And again, like, you know, the ring gets kind of put on the woman as far as what she wants. But what does the guy want? The guy wants to feel like, good about himself and great about the relationship and feel like her wearing that ring is her wearing him around a little bit. So I just don't understand. You have a ring in mind. You have the one you want, but then there's one that's just like the one you want that is affordable and something he can buy. And that ring that can always be exchanged at a later date. You can go up. I wouldn't want to go down on my ring. I wouldn't want to have to like, say, you know, six months. And again, this is an extreme thing. You wouldn't, I, the, the you wouldn't want to buy a ring and then go six months later, hey, we just need the money right now. I gotta, I gotta sell that ring and I can get you, you know, I'll, I'll tie a string together and put it on your finger. Like, you know, but if you, if he tied a string together, put it on your finger and said, well, one day this ring is going to be the big diamond that you want. And I know I'm going to get there, but for now, I need to be engaged you, because I love you with all my heart, and I'm ready for that next step. Wouldn't you wear that string around like, oh, my God. And then wouldn't you, wouldn't it make it even more special that you two together as a partnership got to that ring that you had in mind that he now feels a part of? So I think chipping in and offering. No, I think the way you chip in is by letting him know that whatever ring you get now is a symbol of how much you love him and how much this relationship means to you, with the idea that in the future there could be different rings or the ring can get bigger, the ring can get more involved again. That's why they have these, like, you know, the, the, the rings that go on top for, like, how many years you've been in, you know, these. All these bullshit traditions were created by some woman who won another ring. No, I'm kidding. I, I'm just saying, like, I think, where do you chip in? If you chip in with money, no one's gonna feel great. If you chip in with support and like, hey, I, I'm with you on this. And I, I. This is a ring that I know you know, I want, but for now, I just want. Do. I'm okay with getting a ring, this ring. And maybe in the future we, we get the ring that we both want to have that, you know, I love, and we can work up to that. So I guess the hard part about that, if I'm to give feedback to myself, is how do you tell someone that this ring is good for now, but you want more in the future? But I think may, there's a way to say it that maybe I can't put words to now, but I do think, what do you want on your finger? A ring or a symbol? Now, if you want a symbol, which I think most people want, then chipping in for that ring, the symbol won't feel as good as it does when it's just given to you by your fiance. J Train podcast gmail.com J Train podcast@gmail.com. keep sending your emails. We love your emails. These are great ones today. Very happy, thorough. This is a. Let's do it. We're gonna do one more. Share the show with your friends. If you're, if you're this deep, Listen, we're what? 25 minutes? Half hour, we're 33 minutes in or something like that. Share Netflix Special is coming it's gonna be sooner than you think. Jared, my friend has been with her husband for 14 years, married for seven. They have two young kids, five and three. This isn't a new issue. In fact, ever since they were dating, she has gone through cycles. She has gone through cycles every six months or so where she wonders if he's really the one. Even back then she'd question whether she should stay day, then decide she wants to be with him only for the doubts to come back later. From my perspective, he's genuinely a great guy. He's a devoted father, an involved partner, reliable, kind, and seems to really love her. But she's but she says she doesn't find him funny, wishes he put back instead of always going along with things, and doesn't feel much romantic chemistry anymore. When they were dating, they spent a lot of time with R and his friend group and I think she imagined married life would continue to look like that. Now we're all busy with our own families, so they spend much more time just the two of them and she doesn't really enjoy that time together. They rarely spend intentional downtime together and she says the romance is gone or the romance feels gone. Lately she's been wondering if divorce is the answer. Part of me thinks she's unlikely to find someone who's better life partner or father to her children. Another part of me believes everyone deserves to feel romantically fulfilled and excited about the relationship, not just like they're running a household together. At what point do reoccurring doubts mean you're in the wrong relationship versus someone who is chasing a feeling that no long term relationship can sustain? Is it possible that she's been asking the same question for 14 years because she's looking for certainty that doesn't exist? Or should I take her concerns at face value and support her if she decides marriage isn't right for her? Would love to hear your thoughts. Sign Caught between you deserve better and better than what? Now I'll trust that this email is from a friend who's looking out for someone who's confided in them. If this is the person who's going through the 14 year relationship having these questions and they thought as a way to protect themselves from being found out, which I don't know how anyone would find out, they wrote it as the quote friend it would change my advice. My advice to this person is don't count the money. In other People's wallet. Now, when you. Because this, this whole part of me thinks she's unlikely to find someone who's better a life partner. Part of me thinks she's unlikely to find someone who's a better life partner or father to her children. Another part of me believes everyone deserves to feel romantically fulfilled. You're counting the money in someone else's wallet. Just because someone has a hundred dollar bill in their wallet doesn't mean they're rich. You don't know how much they spend. You don't know how much they save. You don't know how much debt is on that black card that they wave around in front of everybody. So the same goes for relationships. You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors. You, you're getting one side of the story. And generally there's three sides to every story. There's her side, his side, and the truth that's somewhere in between. So as far as like, could she find better? I mean, you don't know what's going on in this house. I think now to go to her problem and whether like, you know, I think she needs to realize that a lot of this is her problem. A lot of this is like, I think unhappy in this thing and he's not funny and, and, and there must be something out there more she is lacking something. She is trying, you know, this isn't, I don't think a person is going to help her figure out these things because she could literally say she could have a fight with her husband tomorrow. That's like, hey, when you don't challenge me, I'm turned off to you. That's a tough fight to have. When I bring up plans and you say, I don't care, I need you to care, I need you. Because it literally dries up my pussy. Like she could say that to him. That's tough to say because these, these tough arguments, these, these, these challenges that she's facing. You're, you know, you're not funny. You know, I don't know how you even say that to someone. I mean like, you know, I. Intentional time spent together. Where's her intention? You know, like I to me again, but you're the friend, so we don't know. I mean, to me, I would say if I, if I had a friend, every six months comes to me to talk about how their relationship, they're not sure about it and then they have a five and three year old at home, I'd be like, hey, it seems like you're doing this for attention, to get some sort of rush. Are you missing something in your life? Are you missing a rush? And then I would be like, I've given my opinion. He's great. He's someone I hang out with all the time. You're making it uncomfortable for me to hang out with you as a couple because now I know this deep dart secret that you aren't really attracted to him anymore. So you're kind of like, doing me a disservice. I'd be more mad at this friend. And then the whole thing of, like, deserve better. The word deserve is really annoying to me. No one deserves anything, you know, like, you deserve. What is it who deserves and who doesn't deserve? I don't know the word deserve. You deserve. Because what happens is she ends this and she's like, I had good but not great and I need to find great. And everyone goes, woo, go get your great. While they're cheering for someone who won't take care of themselves or won't seek out the answers for why they can never find great. Maybe they're fucked up. Maybe great wasn't within their grasp because of all the walls they have in their own head. So I don't really cheer on for this. You hope that they find, you know, happiness in their own body. I don't think they're going to find it outside of their own body, mind, soul. I don't know. These questions are tough to answer because, like, it's all hypothetical. Like, I mean, if you got married to someone because you were hoping the friend group would hang all the time, you probably got married for the wrong reasons. Well, I thought we'd all be hanging out more. No, we all have kids and lives and we like our husbands and wives. We don't need to hang out with the greater group. They add to my life, but they're not my life. So I just don't like, like I'm not here to cheer on this person. You see that a lot online, especially for women where it's like, I was with someone that was good but not great, and it's like, I don't know, I, I. And then you see, the comment section is all like, I moved on from my good, not great, and now I'm doing great on my own and I love myself and it's like tearing down this person who was, who's great for someone, you know, it makes it, see, I don't know, it comes off weirdly and bad to me. I'm seeing this online with this, this one influencer I follow. Or I've seen on TikTok. They're like, they broke up with their boyfriend and they're doing stories about it every day. Cuz. Cuz they're monetizing this breakup. And the whole, you know, the whole conceit, the whole theme is like, how do you end it with someone who's good? And then everyone blames the boyfriend for being. They're like, well, we must not know what. How horrific he is. I don't know. So the problem with pushing this person towards a breakup, now they're your problem. I wouldn't do that. Hands off. If this is me, you do you boo. I'm not. Because now they go, you told me to break up. I had good. There is no great out there. And it's like. But I don't think that's for you to judge. You have to be there for your friend. And you got to let them know, like, hey, I would just make sure this is like, not your personal issue. And you're putting that. You're putting them on the. On the guy that you're with or on the person you're with. You know, why don't you have a fight or two with your. With your boyfriend about how they don't challenge you? Do that first. That's what I would do. Let's try how that feels. Maybe work it out, man. Well, J train podcast@gmail.com. we are here every Monday with a mailbag. Monday back next week. Boom.