Jared Freed (0:00)

It's a mailbag, Munder, you got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag. Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming. You live from Boca. That's right. Every is a mailbag. Monday. You, the listener, send emails to me, the podcast, or the comedian, the friend, and we talk out your issues. Send it in. That's my ask. I have a few asks. That's a tough thing to say. I have a few asks. I have a few asses. I have a few ass. It's hard. It's hard. That's not easy. Try it. Try it at home. I have a few asks as we start this episode. 1. Send your emails, J Train. I almost forgot one of. I'm not even. I don't even have one. I have a few asks as I start this podcast. Send your emails. Two ways to send them. J train podcast, gmail.com. j train podcast, mail.com or you can DM us. That's the easiest thing in the world at J Train Podcast on Instagram. Okay, ask number two. Follow the J Train podcast on Instagram and on YouTube. YouTube. It's me. You're following Jared Freed on YouTube, but we're putting up new standup every Saturday. It's costing me money. Okay, go. Maybe. I mean, I. I don't know. Do people even want to see it? I don't know. I go through this all the time. I'm pushing YouTube. Okay, go on YouTube, subscribe to my channel, like and comment and all those things that make father algorithm above look kindly upon thee. I got shows. I got shoes. I got shoes in different area codes. Area codes. Shows. Shows. I got your shows to go to. I switched up the words. Go to my website. Okay, Go to my website. I'm in San Jose, California. That's coming up. Okay, we gotta. We gotta. We gotta buy those tickets. If you're sitting there like, oh, I'll get them at the door. No, no, no. Go online. Go online. Come on, assemble the group chat. San Jose, California. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Huntsville, Alabama. Hartford, Connecticut. Which is Manchester. My website. London, England. Foggy. London town. Stanford, Connecticut. Bloomington, Indianapolis, Indiana. I screwed up every time. Brea, California. Spokane, Washington. Denver, San Francisco. The San Francisco treat. Kansas City, Missouri. Richmond, Virginia. They're always adding dates to the calendar. Jaredfree.com. those are my asks. Okay? Email the show. J train podcast gmail.com or you can DM us at. @ J Train Podcast. Follow the show on Instagram and on YouTube. Jared Freed on YouTube. There's new, you know, there's new stand up up there. We're putting up the crowd work. I, I, I, I don't want to bring money into this. I'm just telling you, okay? On the road, I'm paying people to tape them. I'm paying people to like, you know, pick out the clips and all that stuff and, you know, into, you know, we got just, just go YouTube. It's never happened for me on YouTube, not once. It's never, I've never caught, I've never had a viral video there. I've never had one video. I'm like, man, that was the, I don't know. You're saying, Jared, who has, I feel like I know people who have, they've, they've gotten a YouTube follow. It's just, I don't know, maybe it's just not my people. I don't know. You're my people. You are. Okay, The J Train podcast every Monday, Mailbag Monday. And I got two emails in front of me. I got one sponsor. So support the sponsor if they support you is always my, my motto. I'm not saying you should just support any sponsor. Just get involved with maybe this one. If it's gonna listen. They all give you free money. That's, that's the deal here. Let's get in the emails. I'm very excited to answer these couple of. I don't know what they are. I, I, I don't. This was sent on Instagram. So beautiful. Here we go. You ready? One of my good friends from the gym. Whenever I hear good friends from the gym you met based on hotness. Probably you met based on attractiveness. Unless, I don't know, unless you're not their, their flavor. If you're, if they're straight and you're the same sex, probably not. But if you're of the opposite sex and you're both straight. Yeah, if you're, if, if they're gay or lesbian, if that's the way they go, I would think that that's what starts a gym conversation. You might go, that Jared, that's cynical. Maybe, I don't know. Let's see. One of my good friends from the gym, someone I do athletic competitions with, part of a small, tight knit, quote unquote crew, is getting married this August. Okay, I was wrong. I can, I can admit when I'm wrong. I think that's something we have to fear less. I think we live in kind of a society. We got quick to society Ville here on the J Train podcast. I don't know. I feel like a lot of our issues, like in the discussion portion is like, if I say I was wrong, then I'll get hammered for being wrong. I can never be trusted again. Everything else I do or say is fine, fraudulent, because I was wrong on that one thing. So we hold on to this thing and say, I'm not wrong. My. You know, I don't know. Am I too vague right now? It just feels like that's the conversation we're like so afraid to go. You know what? Now I was wrong about that. Because then if you're go. I was wrong. Sent to jail, gone, done. I don't care whatever good you've done, you did. You said you were wrong right there. That's a. That's not. That's a tough way to, you know, judge people. Okay, okay, let's get into the email. You're in the. Okay, so you got your friend in this tight knit quote unquote crew. They. I only say quote unquote when they do it. Okay. Athletic comp. This actually sounds like a good idea for a gym. I would like this if, like, you guys are all training together and then at the end of the month you guys get to compete in some sort of like, obstacle course. That would be a fun gym to me. If all the classes came down to this one thing and you kind of got like handicaps like they do in golf, where they'd be like, okay, you know, we're going to give this person an extra 30 seconds. You give this person extra 10 seconds and. And then you go in this like, ropes course. That would be cool. That would make you train a little harder. Right? Okay. I don't know how this gym works, but this is. This is something. This is my dream gym. Okay? One of my good friends from the gym, someone I do athletic competitions with, part of a small, tight knit quote unquote crew, is he's getting married this August. It's coming. It's right now. May as I tape this. He's asked me twice for my address to send it wedding. He's asked me twice for my address to send a wedding invite. And yet still no invitation. Okay? Meanwhile, I found out that the rest of our quote unquote crew already got theirs weeks ago. When I asked him casually. When I asked him casually if invites had gone out, he. He said the next wave. That was in quotes too. Oh, this guy. Okay. The next. He is. Listen, let me just say you said he as their descriptor, so it's A dude with a wedding, he knows very little, is in control of very little. He's a first mate, most likely. Again, I'm going based on large, big paintbrush strokes. But I would assume when someone says, he says, the next wave should be sent soon. The email writes, huh. I followed up with one of the women who did receive hers, and her RSVP deadline was May 1st. We are beyond that date. So now I'm sitting here wondering, am I on some kind of wait list? Yes, you are. You're in the discard pile, as it was once called when I was away. I was at a wedding. This woman comes up to the table that I am at. She goes, I'm at the discard table. And it made sense right away. I was like, yep, we are the junk drawer of tables. This table is where you put your. Your. Your tape, your aspirin, your Sharpie markers. I'm a Sharpie marker. You're Scotch tape. That guy's pennies. You know, that's. That's what it is. And it's this. It's this last group, this handful of people that makes no sense together that they only do based on who says no to them in the first place. It is funny. I'm thinking of, like, I was just at a wedding. Like, do you want a full wedding? You don't want an empty wedding. You don't want. You need people that are gonna get up and party and dance. I was thinking about this. I was like, man, why would anyone invite someone that was, like, on the edge? Why would you do that to them? Well, it's like, we gotta fill out a room here, there. And I think this happens later in life where, like, you're. You know, you get married at 40, and you're like, what is my friends. But I can't have, like, three of us. I can't have the only people I actually text come to my wedding. So, yeah, you're in the discard table list. You're on the. You're on the extras. Am I on some kind of wait list? Yeah, you're the. And here's what also might have happened. He might have said it to the whole group. And I don't know how he said it, but this is something I do a lot where I go, can't wait for you all to be at the wedding. And then all the people you see are the people you would invite. And then all of a sudden, someone pokes their head from behind, is like, yeah, can't wait for your wedding. You're like, oh, My God, you were here. I didn't mean like everyone. So you might be in the everyone group that he didn't really mean to invite, but he did invite. And then he goes back to his fiance and he's like, okay, we gotta invite 20 from the fitness group that I do. And she's like, 20? Fitness group? You barely know these people. And he's like, I know, I know. I said it to everyone. It would be awkward if I didn't. So now he's stuck. I think that's probably what's going on too. So this person writes, is this a thing now? Do people really send invites and waves, like a social hierarchy to see which top tier friends RSVP first? Or is this a polite way of saying you're on standby? I don't know how it works. Okay. I've never had a wedding. I've never planned a wedding. I should probably add like something. I'll add something on Instagram when I post this episode to give some further, you know, stuff that I'll ask some of my married friends to. Me, this does happen due to social awkwardness. I do think you send out the first invites and then you go. I'd really like to invite these other people, but I need to know if the numbers are gonna work out before I do. So let me just wait on it. I. I don't know if this is a thing. This is a human thing. So, yes, the top tier friends. Yeah, I would say person from my gym who they do athletic competitions with as part of a small, tight knit crew. Ah, you're farther away from the core than maybe you believe. I don't think you're in the the A group. I can't believe you think you're in the A group. You're in the B or C group. Be at best. So I was actually going to skip my high school reunion to go to his wedding. Oh, no. Do you Boo. Don't I. If I. Let me speak for him. Don't I would. That is like the worst thing I could ever hear. Me. Hey, guys, weddings in August. Don't make any plans. And then I realized there's more people here than I should actually like, be inviting. You pop your head out. Oh, wedding in August. I'll skip my high school reunion. I'm like, oh, no, no, go. You can go, you can go. Don't. Don't do that for me. Don't do that for me. Is. Please don't make this my responsibility. You are. You're way down the river in a Canoe. No paddle. I'm not sure. Uh, I, I was actually going to skip my high school reunion to go to this wedding, but now I'm not so sure. Why would someone go through the motions of asking for my address twice just to leave me hanging? That's a big part of this. He did ask for your address twice. Once. Forget about it. Oh, shoot. I, I got my wife. She said no. My fiance. I, I'm sorry. I overextended myself twice. That's crazy. Is this shady or just poor planning? Would you still go if the invite actually came? Would you take the hint if the invite comes? I would still take it as an actual invite. It's really a lot to invite someone to your wedding based on awkwardness. I don't think that. Or that you shouldn't go. I don't think. Tough for me to say. I, I say no to weddings all the time. I'm not. I, I, this is a tough one. It wouldn't be as difficult if you didn't ask for your address twice. And I do apologize, I did skip over that as that is a big part of this. And you reiterated it because you agree that says that's a big part of this email. He asked you for it twice. So you are. Here's the thing. Asking for your address twice is still less than a save the date to me not sending you anything and just kind of this like words put out into the ether. I saw someone wrote like a, I saw a tweet, like a half a tweet. That's is this is what I'm going on right now. Half a tweet. It was Matt Ruby, who's been on the J train chitchat Wednesday before he did a substack about podcasting and how words just go out and get said. And it's different when they're written and put in stone. Like the. What, what's the thoughtfulness behind it? And, and it was a really nice passage. It was from his substack and it was really a well written piece. So everyone go find Matt Ruby on Instagram, Twitter and go find his substack. But I think this is also where it applies. Hey, let me get your address. I got a wedding coming up. Is not the same as holding a physical. Save the date. So it is something, but it isn't save the date worthy what this person has done. So I, the, the, the idea of this being shady, like, I don't know, I think that's a little too personal to me. This is numbers. When someone says to Me, I would love to have you at the wedding. Give me your address. And then I don't get anything. I think there were good intentions. I think the intentions were pure. The only shady thing. I don't know, maybe their fiance doesn't like you because they think you're some sort of threat. That's the only. And. And you've done nothing to make that happen. So that's why it's shady. Maybe he said, I think she's hot. I don't even know if it's a she or a he or whatever, but based on the way you wrote this, this is very female skewing that you're, like, planning out your summer like this. I don't know a lot of guys who are like, I might have the reunion, but this person did mention their wedding. Like, I don't. I barely remember a wedding that I have an invitation for. So this is why there's that element that I can't say. That's me making a lot of assumptions. I would say it's not shady. Let's not go down the road of, like, this guy's trying to mess with you, because also, you don't have a save the day, which means, you know, the idea of him doing this for a gift isn't there. I do think he could have made the mistake of overextending himself. And. And now he's not saying anything about it because he's walking it back. Do I think there's this second wave of. Of. Of invitations coming? It could be. I don't think that's going to happen. I think you should go ahead and plan your reunion. If I were you, I would play. It's your high school reunion. That's a blast. This is a guy kind of saying stuff. So the I poor planning on the. The spectrum of is it shady to poor planning? It's somewhere in between. It's shadiness by this guy because of the poor planning he had with his side of the list. I think his fiance looked at his list and was like, this is crazy. You're inviting people from the gym. I got an aunt with two kids that have to be there. We got. I'm going to pay for a plate for someone who does the climbing wall. Get out of here. J train podcast@gmail.com. j train podcast, mail.com. we have one sponsor this week or this episode because we have a different one for the end of the week. Nutrafol. Hair shedding isn't your fault, but ignoring it kind of is. Nutrafol makes it easy to get your groove back. If you heard of Nutruful's hair growth supplements and wondered do they actually work? It's a fair question. Many hair supplements over promise and underdeliver but Nutrafol is different. As the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand, it is trusted by over 1.5 million people and is clinically tested to deliver real results in just three to six months. I will speak from my mom and her personal experience. My mom keeps ordering it. She has seen a difference. She has loved it. And my mom. Here's what I know about my mom. She's a tough customer. 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I got all the things. I got all the platforms. Share Comment Let us know what you thought of the episode of the advice. Maybe advice you have for the person. Jared Love your content, need your wisdom. I live in New York City and work in an office with thousands of employees, the majority of which are in my age range. One day I was rifling through the snack drawer in the kitchen when a co worker I didn't know approached and asked which snack I was looking for. I've never had anyone outside my own teammates strike up a conversation with me in the kitchen. So without thinking, I said the snack and nothing else. And he told me he knew exactly which floor in our office had it stocked. And he told me he knew exactly which floor in our office had it stocked and gave me specific directions about getting to it. A little snack treasure hunt. Afterwards, I wished I'd made more conversation because he seemed cute and nice. Okay, let's not live in the past. Let's not live in the coulda, woulda, shoulda. You have take the win. Take the win for two seconds. I'm asking you, take the win. Okay. You were looking for a snack like an animal. This guy came over, hey, what are you looking for? I'm looking for the Kind bars. And he said, hey, you can find them if you go. You know, take a left over there in the kitchen on the upstairs. You know, that kitchen that's on the upstairs office. And I know there's some extra Kind bars up there. And you said. And you ran and went to go get the Kind bars. Fine. Let's not regret. You, a hungry raccoon digging through the trash barrel. And nice, beautiful man came over and tried to talk to you, and you ignored them because you were a hungry animal. That's okay. Let's not be in the land of regret. Let's live in the land of positivity. He saw you rummaging through a food drawer and thought, maybe that could be my rummager. Or he thought, let me help someone in need. I'm actually married. I got a kid and a family at home. Let me be nice to someone anywhere in between. Anywhere in between. So. But let's not live in the. I wish I would have said more. No, you were hungry, and you were the most authentic version of you. And if this person is single and kind of interested, they saw the real you. You're. You're the sweatpant wearing. This is the real you. Sweatpant wearing, you know, hooded sweatshirt, hood on, chomping on a kind bar. That's you. And if we're honest, it ain't a kind bar. It's chips or Chinese food or some sort of fun alcoholic bed beverage. That's okay. You're. You're a Rum major. And he saw the true Rumager within you. That's okay. Let's not take this back. Weeks later, I saw him on Bumble and the Dating Gods. Give to thyself. The dating gods have spoken. The Rumager. Mr. Rumager is single. Boom. We love it. Weeks later, I saw him on. On Bumble. So I know. I now know he's single and looking for a relationship. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back it up. Beep, beep, beep. You know he's single. You have no idea what he's looking for again. Let's not make this so personal. Let's not make this so win loss. You know he's single. Wow. Even so, you don't know he's single. He could be on Bumble while having sex with some other chick. You don't know. Let's just. Let's just stop it. He's on Bumble. Let's not. I need you to just chill. I need you to chill. I'm trying to help you. I love. I love how these emails get written because it tells me everything. Weeks later, I saw him on Bumble. Our little raccoon here saw the man of a dreams on Bumble. So now I know he's single and looking for a relationship. You don't know that. You know he's singling on Bumble. Most likely I swiped, yes. However, it's now been a week and there's no match. Okay, maybe he didn't see you. Maybe he didn't pop up. Probably did. But let's not get. Let's not get down negativity lane, okay? He probably saw you. We don't know. Maybe he didn't. That's okay. You did the swipe, right? Okay, but who knows if he ever saw me or if he's. I swiped, yes. However, it's now been a week and there's no match. But who knows if he ever saw me or if he'd even feel comfortable matching with a co worker. That's the more likely thing. Saw you goes. Is that the raccoon from the kitchen? Oh, she was cute. But that's a lot of trouble, especially for a guy who doesn't know what he wants next, which is most likely. Stop writing. He's single and looking for a relationship. My God, have I taught you nothing? Here we work on very distant teams. There's hundreds of people on our floor, but we do pass each other in the hall or kitchen frequently. Is there. Is there a potential vibe here, or am I making something out of nothing? You're making something out of nothing, but that's okay. That's how these things start. I would say you're making something out of what could be something, not nothing. You're making something. You know what you're doing. You're at the grocery store and you see all the elements of a sandwich you could make. You see the sliced bread over there. You see the turkey over behind the deli counter. You see the mustard over there. You see the cheese over in the dairy section and you go, hmm, A sandwich could be made out of all these things. Let me go get them and put them all together. You're doing the same thing at work. You're going, hmm, cute guy over there. On a separate team. Me, a raccoon, rummager in the kitchen, who is single. He's single. There's some cheese over there. I could make a relationship here and we could eat cheese together. You're. You're doing that so you're not making something out of nothing. Something out of nothing would be going to the, you know, the grocery store and somehow putting, you know, buying a bike. That's not what you're doing. You're going to the office and putting together a relationship. And that has happened. That's. It's not unheard of. Yeah, it gets the office thing. Grocery store. You're going to the grocery store and seeing they have chopped wood and being like, wow, I could make that into a fire. And someone be like, oh, you. Where'd you get the chopped wood? You'd be like, the grocery store had it out front. And you go. They go, I never thought to buy the grocery store chop wood. I guess you could make a fire from the grocery store, chop wood. I guess you could make a relationship from the guy who saw you in the kitchen rummaging through a snack drawer. So is there a potential vibe here? Yes. Am I making something out of nothing? No, you're making something out of a bunch of things that could be took, put together and put into a relationship. As mentioned, this happened a few weeks ago, and I don't know if there's a way I can comment bait or strike up another conversation. The comment bait is something I talked about on you up. I've talked about it here in the past. It's basically make a comment to get the conversation going to see if they'll jump into the conversation. Hey, aren't you the guy that told me to wear the. You could go up to. Hey, are you the guy that told me to get where to get the kind bars a few weeks ago? And he's like, I am the guy. Did you find them? That's him biting the bait. If he goes, yeah, I'm that guy. And then keeps walking. Game over. He didn't take the bait. You can still comment bait him or strike up another convo. Is there. As mentioned, this happened a few weeks ago. And I don't know if there's a way I can comment bait or strike up another convo. Thanks. A girl who wants to meet the old fashioned way. Well, this wouldn't be the Old fashioned way. And let me just give some advice based on the email you wrote. Can you stop getting ahead of yourself? Stop it. Stop it. It's not helping you. And it's okay to dream, but let's stay rational. When we're taking our dreams and trying to turn them into reality, our words become our spells. We. When you write, I know he's single and looking for a relationship. No, you don't. No, you don't. You hope he's single. You hope he's looking for a relationship. You hope that you two are the match. But let's wait and see. When you write, I don't know if there's a way I can comment bait. Well, why don't we leave that out there? Why not? Why get ahead? Maybe there might be a way you could comment bait. I don't know if there's a way I can strike up another conversation. There might be. I think there is. We could. Where there's a will, there's a way. You have a will. We will find a way. A girl who wants to meet the old fashioned way. You met at work, then found out he was single through a dating app that told you he was out there and looking for. For women. In what way is that old fashioned? And now you're trying to backtrack that information into meeting him in person. Just stop lying to yourself. That's my ask of you. A girl who wants to meet this guy and see if it's a thing. That's all you want. Because you have to leave up to. You have to make a possibility. Let this always be a possibility. And I think this will help you in dating. It seems counterintuitive. Let there always be a possibility that this person sucks. Let there be a little possibility. Don't say things. Thanks. A girl who wants to meet the old fashioned way. Do you? Well, now I know he's single and looking for a relationship. No, that to me, when you write things like that, you're not even leaving the possibility open that you might not like him. How about that? Let's make that. And you know what? It's not a 2% option. That's not. That's not a 2% chance of not liking him. It's like 70%. So let's start thinking in reality. We can still dream. We can still be romantic. But even the way you wrote this, I'm not annoyed. I'm happy you wrote it because I. And I don't think you're alone. This is something people do. So, okay, now what do you do now, if you see him, aren't you the guy that told me where the Kind bars are and he's going to go, yeah, I am that guy. I found them. Do you know there's like 7,000 flavors up there? I had no idea. Hi, I'm Lorraine. That's the answer to your question. You start with, what happened? Hey, and I do this all the time. Stop the whole, this is the move. This is the move. And I think it's a great move if I do say so myself. Let me just pat myself on the back when you stop the whole conversation and put your hand out to shake someone's hand and say, hey, I'm Lorraine. I see you around here. What's your name? Now you've reset things from minute one. Now you've gotten past that whole awkward thing of, what should I know? Do I know? Have I been told? No. Now we get to start fresh. I think that's the big thing that people fear, especially with the office introduction. We know each other. We kind of do. I don't know what they know about me. Do I know them? I do know them, but I don't want to make it sound like I've been stalking them. All you got to do, hey, I'm Jared. I see you around here all the time. I don't think I ever got your name. And that's when you find out if they're a dick or not. Because they go, you have gotten my name six different times. That's a dick. That's a dick. You were being nice and trying to restart this whole thing. You were trying to find an alternate timeline where you two can have a beginning instead of this. Like, maybe, maybe you had a beginning. You kind of met once. No. Let's have a real start date. I think that's your answer next time you see him. Hey, are you the guy that sent me where the snack drawer was on the second floor? I never got to say hello to you. I was so hungry, I was sprinting towards Snackville. I'm Lorraine. What's your name? I never got it. What? Now you can be free to ask these questions. This is so simple. This will never go viral on TikTok. I'm giving Jules here. I can't see anyone listening to this not going, wow, that made it sound so simple. It is simple. And this is where it gets hard. With these kind of recognized people. I have this with people I went to college with, people I get face to face with kind of recognized people all the time. Someone that came to my show or had a good time. And I think my having to do this a lot is going to help you, because I'll have people come up to me. I had this on the flight the other day coming to Boca. Hey. Oh, my gosh. This girl comes up to me on the flight. She saw my. My hat was an uptown social hat from Charleston. And she goes, love that bar. I go, it's a great bar. And she goes, I actually saw you perform there once. And I go, oh, my God, thank you so much. Now. Now we're in. Awkward. Have we met before? Do I know you? Land. Now, here's what I did. I go, I'm Jared. Nice to meet you. What's your name? Now we're in the beginning. Now we've gone to a fresh start. And that's what I'm telling you. Have that in your back pocket because that made it easy. She gave me her name. Oh, yeah. It was like 2019. Now we're talking. Now we're having a conversation. Now we are even. I think it evens the playing field. Now. It goes from you. Oh, I recognize you. To. Do they recognize me? No, no, no. Let me start for me. And this is for you. You don't have to worry about. Well, because then people would. They go, no, we've met before. And then you go, okay, I'm dealing with a dickhead. Or, they're nice. We've actually met before. It's totally normal for you to not remember. My name's so. And so it was this date and time that we met, and you were doing this and that and oh. Oh, my God. I remember that in this. See how that's an easier conversation than someone going, we've met before. So I do think you go for this. I do think next time you see him, reference the snacks. If he doesn't remember, you hold his hand through that conversation. Hey, you're the guy that helped me with the snacks before. Oh, I don't remember. Oh, well, I know you don't remember, but you told me where the kind bars were, and they were on the second floor. You know, they have like, 30 flavors there. Hi, I'm Lorraine. I love the name Lorraine. For this example, I don't know what her name is. So that's it. I. I've just saved your life, so go for it. Mailbag Monday. We do this every Monday. I love doing this podcast. I would love for you to keep sending questions. J train podcast, gmail.com. boom.