How Do I Dump A Nice Guy? - MONDAY MAILBAG - The JTrain Podcast w Jared Freid - The JTrain Podcast

The JTrain Podcast: "How Do I Dump A Nice Guy?" – Detailed Summary

Release Date: June 16, 2025

In this episode of The JTrain Podcast, host Jared Freed dives into the intricacies of modern relationships by addressing listener-submitted dilemmas. Titled "How Do I Dump A Nice Guy?," the episode features Jared providing thoughtful and humorous advice to two women grappling with challenging romantic situations. Below is a comprehensive summary of the discussions, key insights, and conclusions drawn during the episode.

Email 1: "How Do I Dump A Nice Guy?"

Listener's Dilemma: A 31-year-old single woman recently relocated from a bustling city to a mid-sized town. Eager to establish a new life, she dabbled in dating apps but soon grew weary of the process. Approximately two months into her new environment, she met a kind and handsome man organically. Within three weeks, he proposed exclusivity, which she hesitated to accept, suggesting they get to know each other better instead. Despite agreeing to exclusivity, she now doubts the relationship’s longevity. Her primary concern lies in ending things amicably without disrupting their shared social circles.

Key Points Discussed:

Rapid Relationship Progression: The listener felt things progressed too quickly, with her partner pushing for exclusivity in just three weeks.
Social Circle Dynamics: Being new in town, she fears that ending the relationship might create awkwardness within their mutual friend group.
Lack of Genuine Connection: While acknowledging his positive traits, she senses a lack of deep emotional connection and wonders if he's merely seeking the boyfriend title without true intent.

Jared's Advice: Jared empathizes with her predicament, highlighting the discomfort of being in a relationship where the emotional connection feels forced or insincere. He advises her to prioritize her feelings and recognize that it's acceptable to end a relationship that doesn't feel right, even if the other person is "nice."

Actionable Steps Suggested:

Initiate an Honest Conversation: Meet in person to express her feelings clearly and kindly. For instance, she might say, "I've enjoyed getting to know you, but I don't feel we're a romantic match."
Address the Social Circle Concern: Propose a considerate approach to interacting within their mutual friends post-breakup to minimize awkwardness.
Set Boundaries: Clearly define the future nature of their relationship, whether as friends or acquaintances, to ensure both parties can move forward without lingering confusion.

Notable Quotes:

At 12:45: "You're not getting my brand; you're getting the honest words on the page."
At 25:30: "You've done nothing wrong. You tried. It's okay to put the jacket back on the shelf."

Conclusion: Jared emphasizes the importance of self-respect and the courage to end relationships that aren't fulfilling. He reassures the listener that while the process may be uncomfortable, especially within a tight-knit social group, maintaining her well-being is paramount.

Email 2: "Dealing with a Flirty Employer as a Babysitter"

Listener's Dilemma: A 28-year-old woman has been working as a babysitter for a single dad and his two-and-a-half-year-old son for eight months. She enjoys the job due to its fun environment, beautiful setting, and excellent pay—earning three times her usual rate. Recently, as she was leaving one day, the father invited her to a local swimming spot and dinner without the child, framing it as needing adult conversation. She fears this invitation feels like a date, which conflicts with her desire to remain professionally distant, especially since she aims to save for her PhD. Her immediate reaction was to agree due to panic, but she now seeks guidance on how to navigate this delicate situation without jeopardizing her job.

Key Points Discussed:

Blurred Professional Boundaries: The father's invitation blurs the lines between professional and personal relationships, potentially leading to uncomfortable dynamics.
Financial Dependence: Her significantly higher pay makes it challenging to refuse such requests without risking her income.
Personal Boundaries vs. Professional Obligations: Balancing the need to maintain a professional relationship while asserting personal boundaries is at the forefront of her concerns.

Jared's Advice: Jared acknowledges the complexity of the situation, emphasizing the need to maintain clear professional boundaries to prevent any potential exploitation or discomfort. He advises the listener to firmly but politely decline such invitations to preserve the integrity of her working relationship.

Actionable Steps Suggested:

Decline Future Invitations Firmly: If approached again, she should politely refuse, stating her commitment to maintaining a professional relationship. For example, "I appreciate the offer, but I prefer to keep our relationship strictly professional."
Set Clear Boundaries: She should communicate her comfort levels clearly, ensuring that any future interactions stay within professional limits.
Inform Trusted Individuals: To safeguard her position and well-being, she might consider informing trusted friends or family members about the situation for support and advice.

Notable Quotes:

At 35:20: "Stop worrying about your hair and start making memories." (Though this quote pertains to the preceding advertisement, it's notable for its encouragement to focus on personal confidence.)
At 55:10: "He can't ask me to do anything again because the money's so good."

Conclusion: Jared underscores the importance of self-advocacy and the courage to uphold personal boundaries, even in situations where financial incentives make refusal challenging. He reassures the listener that maintaining professionalism is both a right and a necessity for her personal and career growth.

Final Thoughts

In this episode, Jared Freed adeptly navigates the nuanced challenges presented by listeners seeking advice on romantic entanglements that threaten their personal and professional lives. Through compassionate analysis and practical solutions, he empowers individuals to make decisions that honor their well-being and integrity. Whether it's disentangling from a "nice guy" within a shared social sphere or managing blurred lines with a flirty employer, Jared provides a balanced approach that prioritizes self-respect and clear communication.

For listeners experiencing similar dilemmas, Jared's thoughtful guidance serves as a valuable resource in navigating the often-confusing landscape of modern relationships.

Transcript

Jared Freed (0:00)

It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag. Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. That' Every Monday is a mail bag Monday, where you, the listener, write in to me, the podcaster, the comedian, with your questions. Whatever you're going through, we do need advice, emails. We're always looking for specific problems you're going through. Marriage, relationship, dating, family, friends, anything we can sink our teeth into. I've got two emails in front of me today, and you might say, jared, why would I send something to you? Well, I'm going to give you my perspective without having to look you in the face while giving it. And that's really pretty powerful. You're nameless because we don't get into names here. You're not nameless. I don't want to, you know, I don't want to besmirch you. I think you're a wonderful person. But I, I'm talking about when you give advice and you give thoughts to someone about their life. And listen, there is advice, easy to give, difficult to take. So I'm in an easy position here because I don't have to look at you in the eye and have to see you go, well, what, and also, I don't know your background. I don't sit there going, well, in high school, you were kind of this way. So you don't have a brand. To me, I think that's a big part of that. I, I, I've talked about this on many podcasts. I feel like my brand to my family is like, lazy, messy, you know, procrastinator. So if I come with any problem, it's like, well, you know, you do, you did wake up late in high school, so, and, and that's the power of writing in to this show. I don't got a brand for you. All I got is what the words you put on the page. And I'm going to be honest with you. So send it in. Here are the ways to send it in. Jtrain podcast gmail.com. that is the email. Jtrain podcast gmail.Com. you can also send it on Instagram, our Instagram I would love for you to follow. At J Train Podcast, we're putting clips up there like, like share, make it your story. That's a great way to pay for this wonderful show we put on every week. There's ways to pay. Yeah, we'll get into money. Let's get into the. To the money situation. I have one ad. You can support the sponsor. If they support you, you can join Patreon. Patreon.com Jared Freed, if you're listening right now, I'm, I'm way ahead. I'm taping this in Pittsburgh. So I'm getting ahead for not this Monday, but the next Monday. So I don't know what coffee will with J Train will be on Patreon. But every Friday on Patreon you get coffee with J Train. I'm sure I'll be talking about spending a week in Del Rey because I'm going back to Del Rey on Monday. I've been away. I had, I'm sure coffee with J Train for this. You know, the, the most recent one will get into being in New York and going back and forth from Delray to New York and all those things that go with that. So. Patreon.com Jared Freed Support the sponsors. Share like all those things help us so much. YouTube. YouTube. Subscribe to the YouTube. I'm also on the road, people. I'm on the road. Heavy. We just added Chicago. Chicago's out there. We added it before it was ready to be added. So you can buy tickets. Jared free.com Here are my dates. If you're listening right now, I'm just coming back from Huntsville, Alabama. Thank you, Alabama. Thank you, Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh. The shows last night were awesome. Manchester, Connecticut. Manchester, Connecticut. London, England. As I sit here now, there's like 40 tickets left and it's two weeks. It's a week of away from when this airs. So London, England, Stamford, Connecticut. Bloomington, Indiana. I always screw that one up. Brea, California. Spokane, Washington. Denver, Colorado. San Francisco, East Providence, Kansas City, Richmond and Chicago. So jaredfreed.com for the tickets, I got two emails. We'll go email. We'll go email. Ad email. That's our announcements. That's the ramble. That's me telling you what's going on. And you know, I don't say any of these things just to say them. So if you can do one of those Things, subscribe on YouTube, follow the Instagram, send us an email, share like the clip we put up for the episode. I don't know what the clip's gonna be. I don't read these emails before. I like to read them with you. I like to feel like we're going through the email together, which is fun for me. I hope it's fun for you. Okay, you ready? Here we go. What's up, J Train? Long time listener, first time writing in. Thank you. I'm looking for a strategy on how to deal with this relationship I found myself in. I'll jump right in. I like the way they describe. Oh, I just. What? All of a sudden the walls came in on them. I'm in a relationship. What I want to write in about this relationship I've found myself in. What did you take a wrong turn down, you know, blow job alley and end up on third date? You know, drive. What's going on? I'm 31, single female. So you're not in a relationship? Recently moved. 31, single female. Recently moved. From a city to a mids. From a big city to a mid sized one. Let's. I would imagine. Is it New York to Cleveland? Would that be a mid sized city? Yeah, I would consider that. New York to Providence or Boston maybe. Okay. Would Boston be a big city? Yeah, I would consider Boston, New York, Atlanta, Louisiana. I'm giving Boston a lot of credit. It's smaller than that. Chicago, that's a big city. Chicago to St. Louis. I could see that being okay. It's been great. Congratulations. Yeah, like I moved New York to Delray and Delray is small town. I wouldn't even consider it. Small city, new routine, new friends. And I was excited to build a life on my own. I tried dating apps but quickly tapped out. I wasn't sure what I was looking for and was enjoying the reset. Then I met someone organically. He's kind, handsome, and very into me. We've been seeing each other for about two months and he asked me to be his girlfriend around week three. I said we should get to know each other more first, but we agreed to be exclusive. That's a problem. When I read that paragraph, that is your agreeing to something you know they want and you're gonna see if you can get there. Which I feel for you. I feel for you because. And no one's going to feel for you but me. Now I'm the only one on your side. I'm just saying, you know, I feel. I feel for the person who's not doing anything wrong but is in a position of power that they never asked for. That's where I feel for you. Because you wrote some specific things in your email. I wasn't sure what I was looking for and was enjoying the reset. Then. Then I met someone organically. He's kind, handsome, very into me. These are your words. So when you write, he's kind, he's handsome, and very into me. The, you know, the hypothetical friend at your brunch would go, so there's nothing wrong with him. Just go with it. Just enjoy it. And you're sitting there and you don't got the tickle that you want. You want a little tickle on your anus. You want a little tickle in your tummy. That's saying, oh, is this love? This is exciting. You want to run up the mountain. You don't want to slog your way up. And when you say he's kind, handsome, and very into me, the minute you get into their feelings, speaking for them, you're making an assumption that I'm sure you're correct about. I'm sure you're getting feelings from him. You're getting signs that this guy is twinkly in the eyes. He's looking at you doe eyed. He's. And you're feeling that and you like it sometimes. And then other times you feel guilty about it. You go, oh, I know they're into me. And I, I've, I've been in that scenario. It's tough to sound humble. It's tough to sound, it's tough to sound like you sound like a dick. You feel like a dick. So very in. So you write, he's kind, handsome, and very into me. We've been seeing each other about two months. He asked me to be his girlfriend around week three. So week three, he's like, snap to it, I'm ready. Be mine. And you go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's just be exclusive. Let's see. Because you said, I, I said we should get to know each other more first. No, that's not how it goes. And I know you know that things happen quick when you're in a relationship. You go, yeah, of course. It's a lot of yeah, of course not. Let's wait and see. We're in the same social circle, his longtime crew. Oh, you're the new girl in town. You're in his social circle. You feel trapped. I get. And I can feel him staking his claim, right? Bringing me to events, calling me his date, peeing on me. No, I'm kidding. I, I added that in. Just when you say staking his claim, you make yourself sound like a fire hydrant and making it clear to everyone, we are a thing. So he's, yeah, he's peeing on his, his fire hydrant. He's letting the group know that chick is, oh, with me. That broad is with your boy. He's all in the problem. I'm not. Yeah, I know you don't have to tell Uncle J train. I know, I know, I know, Baby girl, I know you're not in. My friends visited recently and confirmed what I've been feeling. He's great on paper, but he's not my guy. Your friends are following your vibe. Let's not. You know, I, I, I hear what you're saying. How it sounds and what you mean are two different things. It sounds like your friends are like, yeah, no, no, no. That guy. That guy. Not it. No, no, no. You were as cautious about the words you use for him as you are with me. I can see in your words he's not your guy. It's not that he's not the guy. You did right. He's not my guy. But I'm just saying, you know, my friends came. My friends visited recently and confirmed what I've been feeling. He's great on paper, but he's not my guy. Yeah, maybe I'm being sensitive. I'm being sensitive. You did write it the correct way. But I'm just saying, if I'm being sensitive, I don't even fucking know this guy. And I'm like, no, no, no, he's a good guy. It feels like he just wants to fill a boyfriend. It feels like he just wants to fill a boyfriend role. No real smarts, no opinions, just doing what it takes to secure the title. Okay, well, now I'm on his side. I was sensitive before. I think when you don't like someone and someone likes you, you're like, what do you think? What do you see? You're looking at him going, you think we are together. You think we're a match. What's wrong with you? That's kind of what you're doing to him now. It's I. And you write, I feel chosen because I showed up. It feels like he just wants to fill a boyfriend role. No real spark, no opinion. Just doing what it takes to secure the title. I don't feel chose for me. I feel chosen because I showed up. Yeah, I, I guess I'm not gonna. This is kind of a two way street. I can't tell you how to feel. If that's how you feel. You feel chosen because you just showed up. You could have been anyone. I understand that feeling. I've been with women where I'm like, this person's not even ready for a relationship. And, but they just think that they just want the relationship. I get that. I would also say a lot of this has to do with you just not being into him, and that's okay. It doesn't take that long. You know, we get the sad reality of it. And the thing that you don't want to always admit is it doesn't take longer than the three weeks he decided he wanted to be your boyfriend. Generally, you know, right away you want to give this a shot. You don't want to waste time. You don't want to risk losing that other person. You're willing to risk losing him, no problem. He is not willing to risk losing you. And I do understand where when you don't really feel that for him, you go, oh, so he's just trying to check a box. And it's like, well, that's not up to you to say. I think it's a little bit oil and water here. I've stuck around hoping I'd feel differently, but I don't. That's okay. I know, I know I need to end it. I've been there. He's done nothing wrong. But we're not a match. And now I have to figure out how to break it off kindly. He's in my new social circle, so I want to be empathetic about making things without making things weird for everyone involved. How do I handle this? The best way possible. Becoming the bad guy feels inevitable. Sincerely, turd in the punch bowl. I hear you love this email. I broke it down. I hope I didn't sound like I was coming back at you too hard because I do understand your plight. Your plight is difficult. This stinks. Guy likes you. You're fine with him. You're not looking for fine. You're looking for great for you. You've entered town. You're new in town, you found this great group, and now the great group again. It. Because it's mixed genders and, you know, there's, you know, people are gonna. The new girl. Oh, I want to date her. And, and this will take some discomfort and it's going to be hard, but then it's going to be fine because you've done nothing wrong. You might be the bad guy for two seconds, but you've done nothing wrong. You tried. You, you, you, you, you put on the jacket. It doesn't really fit. You've got to put it back on the shelf. And that's what I'm going to help you do. You need to. Here's my advice to you. If I were in his position and I really like someone and they were kind of joined into my friend group, I would want them to understand that it was my friend group first and to be gentle with that. I'M not saying you can't be friends with these people. If he acts belligerently and he gets angry and he tries to, like, turn the group against you, I hope that doesn't happen. I don't think that he doesn't deserve to do that just because he was with friends, with them all first. I'm saying that is an option in a series of options. But I really believe that this will be fine. Here's what you do. You go meet with him. You got to do it in person. You got to go in person and you say to him, hey, I've enjoyed getting to know you, but this isn't a romantic match for me. I've tried. I really wanted this to be something, but it just isn't. You and I, I don't see us being friends right away because that's not how these things work. I'm going to take a step back from you. I hope you can understand because I know this is maybe coming to you now. And I've been thinking about this the last week or two. I'm also going to take a minute to, like, back away from the friend group. But I really do value this large group of friends we have, and I'd like us to, like, figure out what could work best for us here. And now you kind of put it in his hands. It's just, I think going to him with this negotiation because to me, ending it with him is not that big a deal. You know that I think you're more worried about what you wrote in this because it. First of all, it sucks because you're like, good guy, good on paper, I look like I'm refusing edible food when I'm saying I'm hungry. All those things. I'm. I'm not downplaying that, but I am saying the bigger concern is, is I was excited to build a life on my own. I tried dating us, but quickly tapped out. I wasn't sure what I was looking for and enjoyed the reset. Then I met someone. Same social here. We're in the same social circle, his longtime crew. And I can feel him staking his claim, bringing me to events, calling me his date, making it clear to everyone we're a thing. He's all in, right? I think that this social circle is probably your biggest concern. So I think you have to acknowledge that the social circle is the discomfort. So it's breakup. If I'm to give you the order of how to do things, go to his place, break up with him. Hey, part of the breakup. And it's the second part first is you and I, we aren't a thing. First things first. I think you're great, but you're not great for me. I'm sorry. We have to end this. Also. We got these kids. How are we going to. Now let's figure out how to deal with the children. The children are the social group. Hey, now that we're ended, now that you know, the hard part is letting them know I don't want to fuck you anymore, then. Okay. Also the friend group. I want to be respectful that you are friends with this group more than I am, but I really do enjoy hanging out with everyone. What is going to make you most comfortable in this scenario? How do I get you as comfy, cozy as possible in a friend group where you're going to have to see me again because. And I think that's the way to head on. Hey, I plan on seeing this large group again. I know this is going to be hard for you. What would be the best way for you to. To. To deal with that? He might say, and honestly, if he's not, if he has no answer, then you go, listen, get back to me. But you got to get back to me, let me know. I want to do what's give me. And now what you get to do is abide by his rules. And, and listen, his rules might be absolutely fucking ridiculous. And if they are, we can deal with that. Then if the. But I'm going to assume I'm going to live in the land of normal. I'm going to live in the center fat part of the bell curve. I'm gonna believe his ego's gonna be bruised. He's gonna take a moment, he's gonna try and get you back. He's gonna try and say, well, why don't we try this way or that way? Then he'll give up, the baby will cry itself out, and then he'll say something along the lines of, give me a minute to think about this. And then he's probably not gonna get back to you. And then you're gonna go and wanna hang out with one of the people in the group because you've already. What you're doing is a courtesy. I don't even think it's funny because I'm thinking, like, he's probably not going to give you like seven bullet points, but you're allowing him. You're taking your hat, putting it in hand and going, hey, this is your group. So I want to be respectful of you and your feelings. Is there a way you Want the dynamic to work? Do you want me to, you know, back off for a couple weeks and I'll go hang with my friends and then come back quietly, but we're gonna have to see each other. How do we handle this? He won't have an answer. But then when you're gonna be in these big group scenarios, which will come down the pike, you can then text him, hey, I'm just letting you know I'm gonna be there tonight and the first one will be tough and then you'll be fine. But I think giving that to him is just the polite way to get out. So that's my, my order of operations. Put the dagger through his heart, pull it out, sit him down. Hey, let's talk about the group. You tell me how you want the dynamic to work, and then you hear him out. And I'm sure it's going to be a lot of, a lot of murmurs and mumbles and not a lot of direction. And then you've given him the opportunity to tell you how he wants it to go. And then things will go back to normal, but it will be slow and it will take time. JTrain podcastmail.com JTrain podcastmail.com We are sponsored. Neutrophil Summertime is full of endless photos. And if you're dealing with some hair shedding, it can be hard to hop in those group it can be hard to hop in those group pics. Feeling confident? Let Nutrafol help. You may have heard of Nutrafol's hair growth supplements and wondered, do they actually work? It's a fair question. Many hair supplements over promise and under deliver. But Nutrafol is different. As the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand, it's trusted by over 1.5 million people and is clinically tested to deliver real results in just three to six months. That's nothing to get. That's nothing to get. Amazing hair for years to come. Yeah, I guess three to six months is nothing. That's nothing to get. Amazing hair for years to come. It's so easy. Order online with free shipping and auto deliveries. Listen, I told you this many times with Nutrafol, my mom's a huge fan. She's seen growth. I've seen it. She loves it. I think you're gonna love it too. This summer, stop worrying about your hair and start making memories. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering J train listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping. When you go to Nutrafool.com, enter promo code Feather Find out why Neutrophil is the best selling hair growth supplement brand@nutrafol.com spelled n u t r a f o l.com promo code feather that's neutrophil.com promo code feather we got another email. Make sure you're sending it in. Send in your emails. Jtrain podcast gmail.com I like that first one. Tough situation. Friend group. The guy, he's good. He's not for me. Jared Patreon Subscriber Big fan. Thank you. I'm a 28 year old female and for the last 8 months I've been babysitting for a single dad and his two and a half year old son. It's a great gig. Fun kid, beautiful setting, super easy hours. He pays me way too much, like three times my usual rate. Daddy's got some dough. Last week as I was leaving, he asked if I wanted to go to a local swimming spot and grab dinner without the kid. Uh oh. It feels like a date. Even though he framed it as needing adult conversation. This is very rom com. Maybe like not even rom com. This feels very like romantic thriller. He's hot tatted, jacked into the same stuff as me. But I don't want to date someone with a kid. And I really want to keep this job while saving for my PhD. I mean, could this be any more movie than the the saving money for your PhD? The tatted jack dude with the kid. Two and a half into the same stuff? I don't know. This is tough. In the moment I said yes because I panicked, but now I'm not sure how to handle it. My plan is to hang out and set a boundary if anything romantic comes up. I. I don't know. But is it already too late to keep this normal? It's not too late to keep this normal. I mean, he did say to you I would like to go out to dinner. He asked if I want to go to a local swimming spot and grab some dinner without the kid. Felt like a date. Even though he framed it as needing a dull conversation. He's got, you know. Here's what I'm saying. You said my plan is to hang out and set a boundary if anything romantic comes up. But is. Is it. But is it already too late to keep this normal? No, it's supposed to be normal. He's setting it up as normal. Hey, want to go at dinner? The weird part is that it's planned in the future. It would make sense if he needed adult conversation. It is weird. I love this job and I don't want to lose it just because a hot dad got flirty. Thanks. Young, wild, and not dating a dad. Okay, there's. There's a couple things going on in this email that we have to address you. I'm not. It's tough the way it's written. First of all, it is weird that he's asking the babysitter for his kid, that he pays to go get dinner at the local swimming spot because he needs adult conversation. It would be another thing, and it would be less peculiar to me if he got home and you were at the house and he was going to relieve you of the babysitting gig. If he was like, hey, I actually am about to order dinner. Do you want to stick around? Do you need anything? Are you hungry? I. I could really use some adult conversation. Be nice to hang out. That would be less peculiar. But even as I say it, I'm like, that even sounds romantic. Hey, I just need a little adult conversation. Can you stay? Like, hey, I just ordered dinner. I got a lot of extra food. Want to stick around? And then you guys eat. And he goes, that was really nice. Thank you for stay. It was just good to have some adult conversation. That's the most normal way. Like, if I think of the normal options, planning a dinner date for another time when you are not planning on being at the house is bizarre and feels like a date. And it's not normal, but he's setting it up as normal because he's saying, I just need some adult conversation. Well, between now when I'm babysitting for your kid and when you need the adult conversation, you should have other friends at your age that you can call on to have that adult conversation, not the person who works for you and feels obligated to go out to dinner with you. So I'm talking this out realizing. And as you also realize that there's. And. And. And as you also realize that this is, like, this is tough. You don't want to ruin a good thing. You're getting paid three times your usual rate. You know, some of this could be said. You. Maybe he's, you know, a real cynic could hear this and going, he's paying you that much so that he can take advantage of you in the future. Like, he's making it so you can't say no to any request he makes because the money's so good. Which. That's a really cynical way to look at this. I think, here's what you do. This is the hardest thing. So easy for me to say. And As a side piece of advice, I would stop saying he's hot and tatted, jacked into the same stuff as me. I don't want to lose my job. I don't want to lose. I love this job, and I don't want to lose it because a hot dad got flirty. Like, I think that language for this makes it confusing, even though it's not confusing to me, it sounds like you. You want to keep this job more than you think he's hot and someone that you would want to date. You don't want to date a dad. You've said that. But it. You undermine your own statement when you start calling him hot and tatted and jacked and we're into the same stuff. It's like, oh, I would love to, but I can't, because this kid. You're undermining your own argument. I'm not saying that what he's doing is correct. I'm just saying let's pick a lane here. You don't want to go on a date with him. That's it. Plain and simple. What I would say to him is I would cancel the date. I would say, hey, I'm sorry. I really can't make it. Make up an excuse. And if he asks you again to another dinner, I would say, another excuse. And then I would send him a text, hey, I just want to clear something up. I know you've asked me to go to dinner for adult conversation a couple times. I do enjoy taking care of your kid, and I do enjoy working for you and working with you to help take care of, you know, your family. I don't think it's right for us to hang out outside of those. Of that going of. Of this job. While I appreciate the offer, I just don't really. Again, I'm. As I'm saying this, it's hard for you to do. I don't know. I would also inform people, I think this can go down a slippery slope of dangerous. It. Already you're alone with this guy. There's money and kids involved. I would just let people know this is going on for safety reasons. I would let your family know, your parents, your good friends. Hey, what do you think? Show them the text. Show them. Get. Get some eyeballs on this. I don't know. You know, you might say, jared, you're being a little dramatic. I'm just. You have to cover all angles, and I think sometimes you keep something like this a secret. You go, oh, he asked me to dinner. But, you know, it was a little weird. But I'm not going to tell anyone. I'll, you know, email my favorite podcaster. And I do say in the beginning, the reason to send it to me is that I don't know you. And that's the reason I'm telling you to tell people is because they know you. They can, you can see in their eyes. Yeah, this is bizarre. And honestly, you're gonna pay. You're getting your PhD. You're going to pay it off. Let's not hold on to, let's not be penny wise, dollar foolish. I just, the more I read this email, the more I don't like it. And again, I don't like hearing, oh, he's hot and we're into the same things. If there just wasn't this kid. I don't want to date a dad. I don't want to date a dad is really just not a good argument for why you wouldn't date him. If you guys hit it off and you thought it was the most magical dinner, you might change. I don't know. I don't want to say that to you, but I don't want to say you might change your mind, but I'm just saying it's not a believable argument. Like, it's one of those, like, because it's so, like, vague. Oh, I don't, I don't want to date a guy with a kid, but I'm going to dinner with my, the guy whose kids I babysit, who the kids I really like a lot. And I think he's into the same stuff as me, and we get along so great and he's tatted and jacked. You're like, okay, so if I were you, make up an excuse. I can't go. If he asks again, I, I would also tell friends and family this is going on. Hey, I'm not sure if this is a flirt or he just really needs adult conversation. I'm telling you, though, if I needed adult conversation, there would be a, a, a, a strange way to ask for it and a not strange way to ask for it. And this is a strange way to ask for it. To have a planned adult conversation for two weeks out or a week away, that's called a date. Because if he really needed to talk to someone and feel like he was talking with an adult, he can call a college friend. He can call a buddy from work, he can call one of his buddies. He doesn't have to. That's not a good enough excuse for me. So I would start with an excuse. I would let friends and family know if he asks again. Another excuse. And then a text that kind of, like, lays the law down. Hey, I just want to, like, clear the air a little bit. You've asked me to dinner twice. I really enjoy working with you. I love your kid. I'd love to keep working for you, but I'm not going to be going out for dinner outside of babysitting for the kid. I hope that's okay with you. And if not, good luck with everything. J train, podcastmail.com, we're back next week. Boom.