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It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. Is Jay Train Jared Freed coming alive from Delray Beach, Florida. That's right, every Monday is a mail Bag Monday where listener email me the comedian your advice questions. I want to wish you a happy new year. This is the real happy new year. It's the first Monday of 2026 and you are in it. Resolutions have begun today. I'm sorry, not next week, not last week. Today. Maybe your resolution was to just take an hour of your day and listen to a podcast and take a walk and put your brain on the shelf. And. And I want to thank you for letting me be a part of that. Thank you. Thank you for getting involved with this show. I love doing this show. It is a daily show. Monday is Mail Bag Monday where you email me any problem that you have. I want your love issues, your friend problems, your family turmoil. I want it all. Send it to J train podcast gmail.com. we keep it anonymous. You will be protected. I will answer your question in a kind and real way. I'm going to give you heart, but I'm going to bring you in for the hug. Here's what, here's what my advice is. Bring in for the hug. Whisper some hard truths into your ear. That is what the J Train Podcast Monday Mailbag is all about. Now some housekeeping. Subscribe to the show. Subscribe to the YouTube. I got my own resolutions, people. I want you to be a part of my resolution too. I want the YouTube to really take off this year. So I want you to go check out what we're doing there. We have behind the Scenes from the Table for One tour. I have standup, I have crowd work. It's all there. Go, go, go. Share with a friend Comment. Love your comments. So also, I'm on the road. We start strong with a sold out show in Philadelphia. I really feel like 26 is my year. I. I know, I know. Maybe you're sitting there like it's not my year. Hey, 2025, not my year. I feel 2026. I feel it in my bones. It's going through my veins. Philadelphia was started with a sold out show. That's a great way to start the year. So thank you. Philly, Baltimore, Tampa, Atlanta, Charleston Beach, Mountain, North Carolina. Not easy to get to. So if you're in the area, I'm a coming Boston. We're sold out for the first show, we're half sold out for the second show. Dallas, Houston, New York, Toronto, Vancouver, Seattle, Tempe. Those are the dates for the rest of the year. I'm always adding more, but that's what we have right now. Jaredfree.com assemble your group chat. New York show is almost sold out. Like a hundred tickets left. Toronto, we're getting there. So get those tickets. Assemble your group chat. Let your friends know. That is my housekeeping. Also, follow the J Train Instagram account. That's helpful because I'm not, I'm, I'm confident but not delusional. I don't think that you're gonna listen to this show every day. Who would listen to me every day? If you do, thank you. I appreciate you believe in me more than my parents do. I believe I, I, I really do appreciate that. What following the Instagram account does for you is that, first of all, you can DM us any questions that you have for a mailbag Monday or off Tuesday or for pop culture Thursday. Also, it's just a nice reminder. You open up Instagram, what, 30, 50,000 times a day, you will get a little clip from a show that may make you go, oh, I haven't, I haven't touched base with Uncle J Train in a while, so go follow that. We have three advice emails in front of us today. I have two sponsors. We'll go to the first. Let's do it. J Train podcast. Gmail.com Dearest Jared, longtime listener, usual suspect of Ticked Off Tuesday. Usual suspect. That's a, that's a different way of putting it. Okay. OG OJ Luxury Lounger. So you're a fan of Ticked Off Tuesday of. Of all the shows, but first time writing in for advice. Thank you. To preface this, I have a strong opinion about the difference between classy and elegant and tacky and loud. CL okay, so they, they, they have a strong opinion about the difference between classy, elegant and tacky loud. Okay, my issue is do I keep letting certain friends continue to be tacky and complain about them behind their back with my wife or thoughtfully bring it up? I'm not one to bring that up because tacky and loud and classy sl. Elegant. Those are opinions that to you seem very clear and to others might be somewhere in the gray. I, I would have to be totally sure that I was in the right. It would have to be not an opinion, but I'll keep reading. I'm happily married to the love of my life, and we recently expanded our family with a baby. Congratulations. My Male friends who are in relationships but never really ask or bring up next steps. My male friends who are in relationships but never really ask or bring up next steps. I'm not in the in. I'm not the in my relationship. We did this so you should too, guy. I wait to be asked. Okay, that's, that's, that's classy to me. I care about them and I can see some big moments coming up for a few of them. One of them recently shared that he's planning to propose and showed me the ring. And to be blunt, I thought it was tacky. Taste is personal. I get that. But I struggled to give an authentic, excited reaction. In my mind I kept thinking, is this a ring that gets you a you did good. I'm not convinced. H It's obviously not my problem. His girlfriend's the one wearing it. But it left me wondering if I should have at least asked it left me wondering if I should have at least asked a few questions to make sure they thought it through. Would love your take a self proclaimed classy batch. I this is a predicament. So your friend comes to you and says, I'm proposing to my gal. And you probably said, oh my God, congratulations. This is so exciting. You said the right things. Let's live in a world where you did the right things as a self proclaimed classy, elegant batch. You are wondering and I like that you're like, okay, should I bring up when someone's being tacky or loud? That's not what this is about. This isn't. That's a vague thing that would get TikTok views. The vague thing where you kind of go out there and you say a thing that's annoying and kind of judges others who don't. There's a woman on TikTok right now who's saying how hard it is to be good looking and to leave the house. And you can tell she's doing this as a gimmick because it gets people riled up. If you went on TikTok and said, I know the difference between tacky and elegant and I can tell you that I'm going to start telling my friends when they're being tacky and I'm going to tell my friends when they're being elegant. It lives in this land of vague that only pisses people off and gets people riled up. The specifics are what mattered. You have a friend who came to you because that's all that matters in this email. All the rest to me is fluff. You have a Friend that recently shared, they're going to propose and showed you the ring. And to be blunt, you thought it was tacky. Taste is personal, I get that. But I struggled to give an authentic, excited reaction. Did they say anything to your reaction? If they didn't, then you gotta move on. Now if you reacted to the ring and you went, whoa, look at that, good for you. And they were like, what's that? I didn't like the reaction that that's when you would be allowed to cla in a classy way, say, I'm going to ask you a few questions based on the ring I'm looking at. Is this what she wanted? Is this what she asked for? Did you pull her friends? How did you go about getting this ring? That's the way I would question someone where the ring felt that, where I felt the ring was lacking. It isn't your problem. You write, it's obviously not my problem. His girlfriend's the one wearing it. But it left me wondering, should I have at least asked if was he questions to make sure they thought it through? You only ask the questions if they call out your response to the ring. Because let me say, manto man, if a man showed me their ring that they're going to give their fiance, I would go, whoa, good for you. That's great. If they then said to me what you didn't really give a big reaction. Do you think the ring is bad? That would be a clue that they are self conscious about the ring they are giving, then I could ask more questions. No, the ring looks nice to me. But let me ask you, did you ask her what she wants? Did you talk to her friends? Did you maybe ask her mom? These are all things women tend to tell people around them when they're about to get engaged so that the information gets to you. Did you do that? Did you care to hear what she might prefer in a ring? Those are the things I would ask. But again, to go back to your point and to back to something you said, you generally don't give your opinion until you're asked for it. I'm the same way. That's why this podcast exists. I don't go and give people advice without them writing into the show. Hey, Papa jt, I got a question for you. I'm in. Yes. Now I'm allowed to give my opinion. So if you want to be a cl, if you have this hard opinion on what's classy and what's tacky and loud, I would think it's tacky to then go back to this friend to say, hey, I've been thinking about the ring it looks like and I think you better scratch that ring because also you don't know if this is the ring she preferred budget. It doesn't really matter because you're looking at the ring going, it's not that. You said it's small. You said you thought it was tacky. It may be that's her taste. So the questions should be along the lines of how did you go about getting the. If you do ask questions, if you were to ask questions, which I think that, I think that ship has sailed. I think we're past that. You did. They did. And and honestly, if your reaction you said I thought it was taxi tacky. I struggled to give an authentic excited reaction. If they didn't notice your inauthentic lack of excitement reaction, then they're not self conscious about it and you should shut your mouth. Jtrain podcast gmail.com jtrain podcast gmail.com we do have sponsors. If the sponsor could help your life, I want you to use the promo code. The link are all the links are in the bio this episode. Wherever you're listening or watching. If longer thicker hair was on your resolution list, it's time to check out Neutral. Neutral is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over 1.5 million people. Neutral supplements are peer reviewed NSF content certified and clinically tested to measure results in growth, quality and strength, helping you reach your hair goals with confidence. I am not someone who needs Nutrafol. My mom loves it. She keeps getting more of it. She uses it all the time. I would say that my mom is not an easy customer. If she didn't see results, she wouldn't keep coming back to me as if I'm her like neutrophil dealer. I would also say that on the list on the pemdas the order of operations I'm going if I have hair insecurities, I'm doing neutrophil before I'm going to Turkey. That's just the reality. I'm going to Nutrafol before I'm going to prescription options. So this is to me a great toe in the water. In the let's help my hair out game. Nutrafol has multiple formulations all designed to target the main the many causes of thinning like stress and hormones. See thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months with Nutrafol for a limited time, Nutrafil is offering j train fans $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping. Just go to nutrafil.com promo code feather find neutropul is the bestselling hair growth supplement brand@nutraful.com spelled n u t r a f o l.com promo code feather that's neutrful.com promo code feather we have one more sponsor. We'll go email sponsor, email. Jared, congratulations on all your success in 2025. I've been a J Train and U up listener for years. It's been great watching your standup evolve. I'm also looking forward to your Philly show in January. I'll jump right into it. Thank you. Thank you. I can't wait for the Philly show. I've been in a longdistance relation. I've been in a. Let me read this again because I cannot mess this up. The words are important. I've been in a long distance situationship for two years now. Words here are very important. Just by that sentence, I know more than maybe someone would. I just based on that sentence, I'm making assumptions. I've been in a long distance situationship for two years. Here's my assumption, this person, right? Here's my assumption, this person writing in likes the person more and wants something more with them than maybe the person who wants with them. Do we hear that based on I've been in a long distance situationship for two years. Only the person who wants a more serious relationship calls it a situationship. So that sentence could be I have been trying to get this person to take me seriously for two years from long distance. That's my assumption. That's usually how it goes. One person's situationship is that other persons, we're just hooking up. So we met at a concert on New Year's Eve 2023. So we are literally two years he lives and he lives a one hour flight away and was visiting my friends in my city. He's 47, never married, no kids. Let's call him Ryan. I'm in my 30s, also never married, no kids. Two very different things. Male, 47, never married, no kids. I am 40, never married, no kids. There's something off and up. I'm just saying to you, I'm saying that about me. So if he's gotten this far, he can keep going is my point. We hit it off immediately. He came back to visit a month later. During that visit, I told him I wanted a relationship and he said he wasn't looking for one. What did I say? What did I say? This Person writing in wants more. This isn't something to be embarrassed about, by the way. I'm not trying to embarrass this person. I'm just telling you exactly what's going on. This person wants more, the other person says no. They go, okay, I'll settle for less. And now the cycle continues. Since then, we've stayed close friends with benefits, seeing each other about once a month and taking occasional weekend trips together. Our time is fun and comfortable. My feelings have grown, but he always. But he's always maintained that he isn't interested in commitment, possibly ever. This past February, I met someone else and cut off contact with Ryan for a few months. After that relationship ended, Ryan and I reconnected. Now I'm dating someone new, but I haven't told Ryan. When I compare the two, my heart sinks. The new guy is kind, inconsistent, but Ryan feels like the person I could see myself with long term. Here's my question. Ryan is coming to my city next weekend. When he visits, he usually stays with me for a few nights and spends the rest of the time with his friends. I want to be honest and tell him how I feel. If there's any chance he'd want to make a relationship work, I'd choose him. If not, I want to finally cut off contact for good, even though I know that will be incredibly hard. How would you recommend approaching this conversation? Thanks, boyfriend, or fuck off? Well, I am sorry you're going through this. I feel bad for everyone involved. Most people wouldn't. I know. I'm a caring guy. No, I do feel bad for everyone involved. I feel bad for you because you have. You have rated Ryan based on potential. The actuality is this is someone who isn't ever going to be what you want them to be. You are raiding him and caring for him based on what could be. But that will never happen. I feel bad for the guy you're dating because he's consistent and nice and that's kind of what's making you a little turned off to him. There's no excitement. He's just. Just the. The neutral party. And he's probably someone that would be great for you, but you're missing out on this excitement. I really feel bad for everyone involved. I know a lot of people would say, jared, there's only one victim here. Everyone is hurting here. This woman who wrote in, she is trying to date someone based off of potential, of what they could be together. She. She is dating. She is trying to date this person based on this invented reality of how great it could be. But her reality of how great it could be is based off of the time they spend together, which is vacation mode. It's not real. No one ever has to be at the gym. No one ever has to, like, make. Make the other person their responsibility. Whenever she hangs out with this guy that she's been in a situationship for two years, it has been on the easiest of terms. No one has ever had to make a. Like a. No one has ever had to make a concession for the other person. They plan out, hey, two days together. That means two days off the phone. Two days no work. Two days never having to be at an appointment. Two days never having to choose between what I want to do and what they want to do. That's it. So then she goes, look how great we are in these two days together. And she's saying, and he's got, you know, a job, and he's all set up for the future, and he's never been married, no kids, and, wow, we could work like this forever. You're not. You haven't seen what you guys would be like in a real relationship. Then she has this other guy who she describes as consistent and nice. I feel bad for him. This guy's sitting there doing the right thing. And the only reason he can't be seen as this partner is because the excitement's gone. He presents no excitement. So she's wondering, if there's no excitement, how much could this be love? And then I feel bad for the guy she's chasing. This guy is in a position where he's like, I keep telling this person, this is what I want. And I'm based on this email. He's saying, I don't want a relationship. I don't want to commit. And this person isn't listening to them. She's choosing to see how great it could be because he doesn't understand. And if he just understood, he would commit to me. He said no at every turn. And I feel bad for him because he has to keep repeating himself. And that doesn't feel good. That feels like you might be using someone. Which, again, this is where he could be vilified. He knows in the position of, hey, he's like a drug dealer, and she is the person who's addicted, who keeps coming back. He has to not, you know, give the drugs to the addict. Yeah, but that's asking, you know, he's got an addiction himself, too, that it's not as easy as drug dealer. Well, I guess it is. You know, the drug dealer gets money Needs the money. The person who's, you know this guy, well, she's nice and she's great. I've been in his position before. It sucks because you have to kind. You're being forced to be so brutally honest with someone, which is only something I can do. Someone you like and care about. What is he going to say to you? Hey, I really like hanging out with you, but I will never marry you. I don't see that future for us ever. And I like the two days we have together that I don't really have to make any changes in my life for. So my. Now she says, how would I recommend going about this conversation? I mean, you can. I can say to you, take one more chance, but if you take the one more, if you put yourself out there again. And he says, I'm not looking for commitment. Which is what he will say eventually. Even if in the moment, he goes, you know what? I've seen the error of my ways. We would be great together. He will eventually end it with you because he's not ready for commitment. Even if he commits. I'm telling you, this is as sure as I can ever be about something. So my advice to you is I think what you need to do is a few things, and these are so hard to do. I think you got to end it with the person that everything's just fine and nice with. I think you got to see what it's like to be single and on your own and not date someone where you have this backup plan. And right now, this person that you're dating who's nice and consistent, you're kind of wasting their time. And you're not really going to see them as a formidable partner based on ending it with this guy who you've wanted for all these years and then going to him, it just won't be fair to him. I think you got to end it with your consistent and nice guy. Then you need to go to your situationship and you need to say, hey, I have spent two years wanting to make this more. You have been very clear you don't want this to be more. I'm trying one more time. If you want to make this more, I would like to explore moving to your town or you moving to my town and actually having a relationship. You're like, jared, I don't want to move. That's the only way this works. You've done two years of seeing what this is like. I want to have a real relationship. We have tested this out. You've tried the flavor time to buy he will say no. And then you need to say to him, hey, I need, like, a plan of action for this ending because obviously I have gotten farther ahead than I, than, than you are. I need you to kind of respect my space because I'm a little bit like an addict right now. I need to get off of this thing, this idea, this dream future I've concocted. I'm going to have to end this. I don't hate you. I need to end this. We can't talk anymore. I won't text you. I'm going to unfollow on all social media. But. But I also need you to say to me that you will never be in a relationship with me. I need to hear that. And I think that's the way you move on. I, I, I. Other than that, like, I don't know. And social media is a big part of this. If you're not unsubscribed, if you can readily get to them on the search bar, you need to find a way out of that because all you're doing is looking through this window. During the Christmas tale, this is what your life would have been like if you had gone in a different direction. But it's never going to be your life. Jtrain podcast gmail.com jtrain podcastmail.com we are sponsored. Herobred. 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That's Hero Co and use code feather at checkout. That's code feather@h e r o co we've got one more email. Love your emails. Jtrain podcast gmail.com what a way to start the year. These are great emails. They're all specific, thorough. Great questions JR Big fan of your podcast. Would love some guidance on a social media I'm I'm reading ahead. I'm a big fan of your podcast. Would love some guidance on a social dilemma I'm facing. We love a social dilemma. I often cover expenses for my friends, like when we order pizza and then they ask to pay me back on Venmo. I I'm getting my head I often cover expenses for my friends, like when we order pizza and then ask them to pay me back on Venmo. Even though the amounts are small. $13 a person for five people this time. They add up over time and contribute to my concerns. What makes it tricky is that I feel uncomfortable having to remind them verbally. It somehow feels like I'm the rude one. If I ask or change or charge them on Venmo, I always pay them back immediately and they never have to chase me for money, which makes it even more awkward when I have to ask them. Additionally, I worry that because I have a higher income, there might be some bias or tension. Even though my mortgage is quite high and it's not as simple as it might seem. It just feels weird to be in this position and I end up feeling like the bad guy. Even though it's my money, I'd really appreciate any advice on how to handle this gracefully and maintain my friendships without feeling awkward. Thanks so much for your help. Let me start with thank you for your email. A lot of this is in your head. A lot of this is your own insecurities, your own leveling of who makes what and I make this and they don't know about my mortgage. All of that is not important to me. In this email, I understand why it's important to you. It's in your head. I get it. I can't tell you how to feel. I'm telling you, when you say, hey, I got it. Get me on Venmo. And then you say to someone, hey, I'm still waiting on your Venmo. It is natural for you to go, oh, they're probably thinking, oh, they make so much money they need my $13. That is not what they're thinking. What most people are thinking. And most people are the star of their own movie. Most people don't want to be considered the cheapskate. On the list of things I would say my number one Concern is fucking over my friends or being considered a bad friend. My second concern is how much that person makes. If I got pizza with a friend, how much that person makes is not my concern. My number one concern is getting them the money I owe them for the pizza that I ate. So all of this is to say, it might not matter to you what I'm saying. You. It's easy for me to say. It's hard for me to tell you how to. I can't tell you how to feel. How do we fix this problem? Is that you. Your problem is. I keep feeling weird about asking my friends for money when we split something on Venmo. My answer to this is, stop splitting things on Venmo. Stop volunteering to pay. Let's cut it at the source. And, hey, the pizza's here. Let's do the math now. Pizza's $150. What we got, you know, 10 people here, 15 each. Everyone got 15. Then you go into someone goes, I don't have cash. I'll vet. Okay, Venmo me 15. Now I got yours. So now I'm in for 30. Do it there. Let's not put this off. Let's a take. Take care of things as they happen. I think the time between is adding to your anxiety. If you make a promise to yourself that anytime something's paid for, we do it. Now, all of this goes away. All of the stuff where you get in your head and you have these intrusive thoughts of, are they thinking about how much I make? I mean, 15 bucks in the grand scheme of things? No. Right now, the pizza costs $150. Two pizzas, two salads, and some mott sticks. That equals $15 each. Everyone throw in, you don't have cash. You don't have cash. Okay, you want to use your Venmo, your Venmo. Okay, I'll Venmo you. We're doing my Venmo. Venmo me now you do it, then let's get it done. That, I think, will alleviate a lot of your anxiety. Jtrainpodcast@gmail com. Jtrainpodcast@gmail com. Want to thank you for being a part of this podcast and for listening. On Mondays, we are a daily show. Get subscribed. Tell a friend back next week. Boom.