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It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Delray Beach, Florida. That's right, every Monday is a mail bag Monday, where you, the listener, email me, the comedian, your advice questions. You can send anything you'd like. I would love to help you or just give perspective. You know, the, the, the, the premise of this podcast is that you're going to hear someone speak honestly about your issue. I'm not answering this to get a clip. I'm not answering this to make you angry or upset. I'm answering this because I'm going to try and make it as entertaining as possible, but I'm going to think out your problem. And, and I'm no smarter, I'm no dumber. I'm just some guy with an opinion that everyone has an opinion. So that's the premise of this show. If that's something, I do think it's valuable to just hear someone like chew on your, the bone of your idea. So if you're out there and you're listening to this show, there's a couple things I would love for you to do. I would love for you to email us with anything is on any, any question that's on your mind. It can really be anything. Jtrain podcastmail.com I would love for you to share this podcast with a friend. I would love for you to subscribe. If you're new here, I would love for you to just enjoy, you know, that's, that's the whole thing here. I have three emails. We do three emails every Monday. I'll get right into the first one. J train. I'm a 30 year old woman working in healthcare and just ended something with a guy I met in real life last Friday. So. A guy. Oh, you just ended something with a guy on Friday that you met in real life. That's one of those like, sentence structure things. I wouldn't believe me. I'm not, I am no guru. Isn't it fun to put. Try putting the wrong emphasis on the wrong syllable. Every now and again. It really spices up a sentence. I and I'm just saying I'm no guru when it comes to Grimar, but someone's listening and they're so annoyed. I feel like that's an annoying thing to do. This is meant. And listen, if you're new here or this is meant to be a personal One on one conversation between you and me. This, this is how this podcast go. Like, this is I, this is how this podcast goes. This would be a conversation I would have with a good friend. I, I hope it feels like that. If it doesn't. Yeah. Your feedback, gentle feedback. Let's, let's, let's remember gentle feedback is, is always appreciated. If you enjoy the show and you send me a message. Hey just I've, I found a lot of value in the show. That really means a lot to me. It's the greatest comment in the world. I did a show in D.C. if you were at the D.C. show, I just want to thank you. What an amazing fun night. It, it, you know, I, I don't know. I'm at a loss for words. I, I, that's good. Good job on a podcast. Jared. Lost for words. Wow. What an idiot. I sound like I, I'm a little, you know, I was really. I've been going to D.C. for 15 years and doing comedy. I was doing it in the basement of a synagogue when I first went and then went to the DC Improv, a very amazing famous club and then did the Capitol turnaround. Did the theater there and then to do the Warner Theater and have over 1500 people and have them be just fun and awesome. Everyone there like was on it. Got it. I took pictures afterwards. I'm gonna take pictures wherever I go. There are no, there's no charge, there's no nothing. Just come on up, take a picture. If you want to just say hello, that's fine. If you have something they you'd like to tell me, I'm. I'm there to talk to you. I'm, I'm. And I just had some like wonderful interactions with just like minded good people. Like it just everyone was on the same page for fun Friday night. It, it meant, it truly meant a lot to me. And if you want to see the behind the scenes, we posted V. Our producer here has, is coming on the road with me taping everything. So I went to Ben's Chili bowl and she taped like the backstage and kind of what it's like to do a theater and kind of the stresses I was going through with my opening joke that was kind of the through line for the YouTube. You can check that out too. So we're doing a lot of things here in the JCU J Train cinematic universe. So you ended something with a guy you met in real life last Friday. I'm not a grammarian, but I don't know if that's okay. We Got it. We're fine. Jared Layoff. We dated for about two months. Okay, that helps. The dates were fun in the beginning, but towards the end of our time together, I notice he had jealous tendencies. Like, he got quiet and a bit moody. When I mentioned male friends and colleagues started to lightly discourage. I hang with my friends because he knew a guy would be there. Yeah, I. That would bother me as well. Especially at 30. You're not 22. This isn't male bravado. You're supposed to be a little bit more adultish. This should be mature. You've just met two months ago. So. And here's the thing. We all have histories, we all have past, we all have. This isn't. You know, and I think something I've had to like, grapple with is my life is not going to be the same as what my parents had. And that is even more so. You know, if you want to think of the world in a different way, if you want to make math out of, out of emotional subjects, this is going to be a hard one for me to land. I'm just letting you know before I get into this, like, comparison, if you look at like the markets. Yeah. The, so the changes, like, like the Depression to like the next change in economic markets, like the, the Great Depression to the next big, you know, blip on the, on the stock markets was like really long. Like, like, you know, it takes a long time. And then we find 2007 and then we find, you know, you know, the dot com in 2007 and. And then you look at those blips are ways closer to one another. And I think that's like, kind of represents the change in the world, the change in technology. Technology from the Great Depression until 1980. You know, I'm talking out of my ass right now. You could check me on this. I'm sure I'm wrong, but I'm, I'm saying the change in tech took longer for that era than it does now. Now it's kind of like super. You know, you go from the flip phone to the, to the cell phone to the, to the iPhone. That's a change. That's like a huge change in very small amount of time. What, what am I getting at? I'm getting at comparing ourselves to our parents generation just isn't fair. Why would we compare an iPhone generation to a landline generation as far as how our lives should be? So to go back to this email where you're 30 and you go, well, mom and dad didn't have a lot of like, you know, friends of the same gender. That's not fair to your 30, 30 year old self and the person you're seeing. Because our friendships are just different than they were. They're not going to be the same. And this might all seem, you might be going, Jared. Of course, everyone knows that. But I think sometimes I forget that like what I'm going through is not gonna be the same as my parents. I'm not gonna be on the same street that my parents, you know, brought me up on. You know, I'm doing, I'm going through this condo purchase in Del Rey and I'm like thinking, I'm like, man, I'm 40 and in a condo, like, And I keep thinking like, what about the kids? I'm like, jared, you don't have fucking kids. What are you talking about? Live for right now. We'll worry about that bridge. When you have to cross it, you're not gonna have the same life as your parents again. This is all to say that, like, I'm trying to figure out how a 30 year old man could have jealous tendencies. And I do. If I'm to give an empathetic view of why a 30 year old man has jealous tendencies, he is somehow looking at the world through a very narrow keyhole. This is me giving him a little grace for acting like an asshole. Because I agree, the way you're spelling it, it sounds like an started to lightly discourage. I hang with friends because he knew a guy would be there. He straight up asked me once what my body count was. Again, I'm not trying to defend this guy, I'm just saying. Well, I'm not, I'm done defending him. I mean, that's a shitty question. That's when I knew it was over. But it got me thinking, all right. I'm wondering how much guys really care if the person they're seeing has dated other people recently. Like, is it actually a turn off for a guy to know your past relationships? I, you know, I don't think it's a turn off. I think it's like hot to know that the evolved person that you've fallen for has these other, you know, had these other lived and learned situations. I think that's like hot to learn about from them. And I, I don't know if hot is the right word that makes it sound like I'm like into like them seeing other people. I'm, I'm more into that they've come to conclusions. And again, I'm 40. I've thought a lot about Dating. I've been put to, you know, I've, I've had these conversations more than I think most people have. I. So maybe that's part of it. But I don't like if I'm speaking for guys in general. I think there's also, you know, like, is it actually a turn off for a guy to know your past relationships? I think also when you get into this conversation, it gets into hot takes and if you saw on, if you watched a tick tock video of a woman saying you should be able to tell every guy, whoever you've been with in the past and then you see a comment from some douchey guy who's like, you know, I don't need to know what your body count is. And it gets into the com. To me, those two sparring is not. Those aren't good actors. They're not. They're, they're do. They're there trying to get a rouse out of each other, trying to rile each other up in the real world. I think bringing up past partners takes some class. I think you have to do it with kid gloves and you have to be, uh, you have to be caring of the other person's feelings, but you should be able to talk about those things. I would want to know about past partners. I'm not looking to hear about body counts. I don't give a shit. I wouldn't even know my own number. If I had to try and count, I wouldn't know. I don't know what that says about me to you, but that's okay. Whatever judgment you make from that, that's not my problem. That's your problem to deal with. If we're dating and you go, ah, he doesn't even know his number. I guess, you know, I, I don't know if I could be with someone like that. I would say cheers to you. It's okay. You're allowed to have your own taste. So if you said that. So if I was to eye this thing and put this in I terms, I wouldn't ask the question what's your body count? I would ask what are your past rel. You know, what's your relationship history? I would judge someone for their relationship history in a caring, thoughtful way. In the way we all judge. Don't, don't, don't go around saying, I don't judge. You judge. I judge. We all judge. It's how you judge. It's how you judge someone while also holding up the mirror to yourself. So this is all again, I'm Speaking in circles because there's no good answer. I don't. I. I can't tell you that. Nobody is going to judge you for how, you know, if I told someone my past relationships and I said it the wrong way, I could understand that they would look at me and go, this isn't for me. Now when I speak to someone I'm dating about their past relationships and they don't tell me anything, and they go, no, nobody, nothing. It's not. It's not worth. If they were to clam up, I would judge that. I would be like, doesn't sound like this person's really worked through that stuff yet. They're not. I think it's mature to talk about your past relationships. I think it's. It. It gets me. It helps me get to know you. So I think you acted on your instincts, and your instincts were correct, in my opinion. You ended things. When a guy says, what's your body count? I'm with you. Fuck that, dude. I don't think when you say, how much do guys really care? I would assume that most men are like me, where they say, I would want to know. I really wouldn't care as long as it was told to me with respect. And I would do the same for you. I'm not going to be like, yeah, I used to bang that chick across the room. I'd give you more of a story. Well, we dated. We met on Hinge, and, you know, she was great. It just didn't work out. You know, it's. It's all in how you serve it. And so based on your email, it sounds like you said it pretty reasonably and had some friends and. Oh, yeah, I did it. A couple of guys. Oh, I did it. That guy. I. You sound like a reasonable person, so I wouldn't say that you said it wrong. That's not the case here. How do I move on and stop worrying that future partners will judge me for getting into this situation? Thanks for all you do, Jared. I think it's future partners are going to judge you. That's. That is a fact. Will they? You know, I think the word judge gets a bad rap. Don't. Don't you think we're all judging. We're all pretty good people. We're not bad people, but we're all judging. This whole. No, no, but, you know, this whole thing of, oh, no, I'm not going to judge. Not to judge. We're all judging. That's a fact of life. Judgment doesn't mean anger. Mean. Doesn't mean that you toss someone away doesn't mean your judgment is the correct one for everyone. So how do I move on? Stop wording that. Future partners will judge me for getting the situation. I would worry more about how you tell your tail. Because if you're confident in how you tell your tale, then bring all judgments. If you're confident in being okay with your tale, if being okay with your story and knowing that it's honest and it's who you are and it's why you love yourself, then bring on the judgments. Because at that point, the judgments are other people's problems, not mine. I don't got an issue. Look it again. This is it. This is, this is, this is my store. You know, you walk into a store, we're all storefronts. You walk into a storefront, you go, you look around, you go, I don't want anything here. Well, you know what you just did? You judged J Train podcast gmail.com J train podcastmail.com if you're listening right now, I am going to be in Milwaukee, Minneapolis and Chicago. I would love, love, love for you to assemble the group chat. I would love, love, love for you to tell a friend that lives in any of those cities. I would love, love, love for you to come to any of my shows. So that's my ask jared free.com for tickets. Jared free.com for tickets. That was a pretty good, that was a good, good note. I hit tickets. Jared. I'm a huge fan. Written a couple times. Senior show. Love everything you do well. Thank you. That's very, very kind. My email is wedding gift related. Ooh, love a wedding question. Before we get to it, we are sponsored Nutrafol. If you're dealing with hair issues like thinning or shedding but feel stuck on what to try next, check out Nutrafol. Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over 1.5 million people. 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For a limited time, Neutrophil is offering J train listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping. When you go to neutrophil.com enter promo code Free Feather Find out why Neutropol is the best selling hair growth supplement brand@neutrophil.com spelled n u t r a f o l.com promo code feather neutrophil.com promo code feather okay, back to the wedding email. My email is a wedding is wedding gift related. This past Saturday I went to my cousin's wedding where I was the maid of honor. That's fun. My cousin is awesome. We're so tight. It was a big weekend. 300 plus people. Wow. My issue is that my boyfriend met me at the reception and he was responsible for bringing the card that I put on the counter that morning. He apparently brought it with him, but by the end of the night realized it was no longer in his jacket pocket. I should also mention that I was wearing the jacket during parts of the night because I was cold. We looked in the apartment, didn't find it, so don't think he forgot it. We looked in the apartment and didn't find it, so I don't think he forgot it. So a couple of different things could have happened. He didn't bring it and it's still hiding at home. Somehow it fell out of the jacket or someone stole it or it. Basically we're praying that it magically end up in the card box. My cut. Well, that, that isn't such a magic trick. If a card fell on the floor at a wedding, there is a chance more than any other place that someone would deliver that to the card box where all the gifts are going. So that isn't just a magical. That's a happy. That's like a unbelievable thing to happen. That's like following like the feather and Forrest Gump kind of thing. My cousin is going to Aruba today, two days after the wedding and obviously is not looking through the cards for some time now. So basically we gotta sweat it out. So was the check, was there a check in the. I'm not sure if there was a check or cash in the. All right. Oh, and the gift is A large sum of cash money. Okay, there's my answer. Lol. I make significantly more money than my boyfriend, so I put a lot in the card and did not plan to ask him to split it. So I'm curious. So I'm curious your thoughts. What do you think happened to the card? If it's not found, what should I do? My plan is basically to just eat it and venmo her whatever I plan to give if she doesn't find it. Trying to remember that she. That the amazing memories are worth so much more than any amount of cash. Oh, and I will be giving checks from now on. Yeah. Sincerely about to be a broke maid of honor. Well, I would say this. Maybe it's too late. If I were you, I would text the. The bride. You're the maid of honor. They. You said she's going today. Two days after the wedding. It is too late to call them. I would have called them the minute I saw this. I would have been like, hey, I know this is a pain. I need to know if. If the. If our gift made it to you. You're the maid of honor. You're close enough to make that call. I think we need to stop treating brides as if they are actual royalty that could cut off our heads. Like, we need to stop treating brides like they are actual royalty that might chop off our left hand for not doing the right thing by the bride. We're all trying. We're all there to be there for them. We're all loving the bride. We all don't want to ruin the day. But something like this, where you have a wad of cash that is missing, I think that is reasonable, that. I think that is a good enough reason to say, hey, I know you're going to Aruba in two days. This is the last thing you want to deal with. But the card that my boyfriend was supposed to bring to the wedding got lost. I don't know if he lost it. I don't know if it's in our house. One of the options of the many options is that it somehow made it in the card box. Can you look, I don't think if I went. And I do this all the time and feel free to do this, If I went to a jury of my peers and I said, hey, everybody. And I said, hey, everybody. Can you. Like, I sit before you? Like, if I was a lawyer, I don't know. I'm trying to think of how to do this jury thing. If I went to my friends and complained about you, would they look at me and go, jared, you're being a little much. That's, that, that's kind of the exercise I do. Oh, can you believe my maid of honor called me after the wedding to make sure that we got their gift? Like, can you believe they bothered us as we were getting, you know, like, what do you think's going on between the wedding and this trip to Aruba two days later? You think they're just hugging each other at any call? They're like, you better have something important to tell us. We're in the middle of hugging post wedding. We are not to unlatch. We are in love. And then they hang up the phone. Like, I, I don't understand this precious. You know, this, this, this, this care how you're why we're all so careful around a bride. I think that's why some brides get out of control. So that's already water under the bridge though. What should you do now? I think, I think you expand. Like, listen, you have honestly, you have a year to give a gift. So let's, let's. One thing, first things first. You have a year to give a gift. I do think you're the main of honor. You invited your boyfriend. I don't think it's his responsibility to split the gift with you. I would say, you know, maybe you split other things. But if he's like, I, I, I, I don't know what to expect of the boyfriend. It would be nice if he was like, listen, I am part of losing this. Let's go halsies on the re gift that we have to give. I would do everything I could to look for this gift and then I would give it six months from now when maybe there's a little bit more cash in your pocket. It doesn't hurt as much. This thing isn't as bad. That's what I would do. Because you do have this time. And maybe you give it to your cousin at like, it's, it's your cousin. Maybe you give it to your cousin at drinks. Hey, let's go out for drinks. I got to tell you this. I didn't want to tell you, you know, I know it's been six months. Here's your gift. Please take it. Don't embarrass me. We're not going to talk about it, but this is our giving you a gift. Drinks. Like, let's turn it into something positive. Hey, I know it's been six month. I just want to. Like you could do, I would do this. Here's, here's My, here's my advice. Let's put lipstick on a pig. You, you look as much as possible. This next you, you, you try to find it. If you don't find it six months from now you go her six month anniversary. You and her go celebrate it with a couple of drinks and you give her the gift. There you go. And now it's six months later, you've gotten a little bit of cash put back in your bank account. It doesn't sting as much. Now you can have like a fun rehash. Six months later and she's getting recognized for her six month anniversary. That's kind of fun. And if she's like, well I'm doing something with my husband, we were going to do something fun too. Great. I get, you know, I get you next for a six month drinks. Let's go get some wine, talk about the wedding again. Rehash old shit. I think that's a fun solution. Jtrain podcast@gmail.com Jtrain podcastmail.com I got one more email. J Train. Huge fan. I've seen you every time you visited Comedy on State Madison. Oh, I hope I am back there soon. I, I love that club. The lightest and softest feathers to you. I'll get into it. Thank you. I've been unhappy at my job for over a year now and decided to start job searching. A couple months ago I happened to find an opening at a place that checked all my boxes including a relocation to the Twin city area, Minneapolis St. Paul. I, I love that whole area of the country. I am like, I'm, I, I mean I'm not just saying this because I'm going there this weekend, but like Minneapolis St. Paul, there's like such cool like just like kitschy bars and there's just like, it's almost like another country. It's like, you know, when you travel around Europe and you go country to country, it does have a, you know, America doesn't get the credit of like there are tastes like that here. I mean I would compare that area to like you know, the Nordic countries, Norway, Finland. You know, like that area feels very Minneapolis St. Paul and I'm sure there's some connection I'm not aware of. After two interviews, I have been offered a position, accepted the offer and I'm moving back to Minnesota in August. I'm from Minnesota originally. Congratulations. I'm. I'm. What a what, what an exciting thing and we're getting this late. It's October now, so maybe we got this. This has been building up in the inbox. So I'm happy we're getting to it. I hope you're good with the move. This is where I need help. I'm a 28 year old single woman moving to a new location where I have family and some friends. But I would like to make new friends and maybe find a boyfriend. This is great. I need advice on how to put myself out there in a new city and motivate myself to do it as I tend to be a homebody. I've been on the apps before but never got on. I've been on the apps before but never gone on a date from them. I feel like I perform much better in person. Any advice you can give me for the move and living in a new city would be appreciated. Sincerely hope my move renews me like your move to Delray has. Well, that is very sweet of you to say and let me give you. I'll tell kind of a story that I'll get more into on coffee with J Train. It's Halloween coming up this weekend. I did the DC show on Friday and then the gym that I joined here that does classes every morning had a Halloween party on Saturday and I came back to Delray specifically to go to that party and it wasn't easy. It was, it was fun. It was a little bit outside of my box. You know, I have friends. I have a good amount of friends. I have people I really, you know, that I like and hang out with. I'm not like at a loss for friends. But I am in a new town where I don't know many people that are here local and you do have to make an effort. So joining the lab here, I'm wearing the shirt if you're watching the clip. This week has been wonderful and I complained about it when I first got here because it was just so touchy feely. It was so. So I would say number one, join a gym that has classes and a little bit of a community. Maybe something that does like a hit workout where you have to partner up. That's all stuff that happens at this gym that I go to and they do these social events and you go to and I went and I talked to all these couples and you know, I said hello and I exchanged numbers with a couple people there like as you know, in a friendly way. So I would say joining a gym that's not just like a gym, a gym that does classes, a gym that has some sort of community. I was talking with my friend, the baby who does the M movie reviews here. The Baby was like the. Was telling me that him and his wife used to belong to a gym just like the one I go to here in. In Chicago. So I'm sure many. And they used to live in Minneapolis St. Paul as well. And I'm sure they have that type of thing there, whether it's a, you know, like a F45 or it's whatever. I think a kitch, like kitschy. I'm using that word again. A small gym that has its own classes and its own. And is making an effort to have a community, as much as I would make fun of that is as good as I think it is. So that's 1, 2. You mentioned you're from the area. You have family and friends there. You're a different person than when you left. That's a good thing, I think reaching out to those people and saying, you know, getting drinks with friends from high school that, you know. And this is all the stuff that from afar when you sit at home, you go, oh, my God, who would get. Who wants to go to the reunion? Who wants to get together? You know, you kind of like, you want to be this new person. The best way to go to a new city and meet new people is to go back to the people that are already in your Rolodex. Those are easy calls. Hey, I just moved back to town. I don't really know a lot of people. That's you being vulnerable. I would love to get drinks sometime just to chit chat and ask what you do and how you have fun here. Boom. Are you free this week? Are you free next week? I would go back to family, cousins. I would go back to friends from high school. I have. I remember when I first moved back to New York or when I moved to New York City after college, I reconnected with all these high school people that I never expected to connect with. And I think you going and saying the vulnerable part, the hard part is like, hey, I'm back, bitch. And I. And everyone's doing something that weekend. And here's the thing, your old friends are going to lead to new friends. They're going to go, oh, that's my friend from high school, from college that moved here. That's my friend from the gym that I made 10 years ago. You're. You're actually going into, you know, you're going on a hike where the, the roads are worn. This is actually the positive is that you're going to a town where people have already made these, you know, friendships and these relationships and can give you lay of the land and going back to the old people from high school. I think, like, the thought is, I'm going to this new town. I want to just meet someone out of the blue. I would say, going back to your family and friends, going out and zoning in on one. I would go to the people that you're the closest with still, even if that's not that close. Hey, I know it's been a while. I just moved back to town. I looked at your social media. It looks like you have such a fun time. I would love to get drinks sometime. Be, you know, there's such a thing. I meet people all the time and compliments will get you everywhere. Everywhere and mean the compliment. But look for the compliment you're going to give. If someone said to me, I don't know you, but I've had this happen to me so many times, I'll get a dm. I don't think you're that funny, but my friend thinks I should meet you. Well, guess what? I'm not going to meet you. You sound like a pain in the ass. You sound exhausting. Hey, I have never seen your stuff before, but you just came up on my feet. Or, hey, I've never seen your stuff before, but my friend sent me your stuff. Hey, I would send, like, if I got a message, I was like, hey, my friend sent me a video of yours. And then I just went through your stuff. I've been laughing all night. I just want to say, like, oh, that's like, I. I just love what you do. And if you're ever down for a drink, I would love to, you know, get together sometime. I'm actually in the area all the time that that message makes, you know, is like, oh, okay, let's see what they're all about. Let me go to their account. That's inviting. So for you, the person that you haven't talked to from high school in forever, let's go to the Instagram feed. Let's go to someone that you've always watched their stuff but barely ever talked to them. And I would go to that person. Hey, I just, I. I'm moving back to town. I'm always looking at your pictures. It looks like you have a great time. I'd love to get a drink sometime and hear about Minneapolis and see kind of like, you know, where I could fit in here and, like, what, you know, what you're up to. I would go to that friend. That's the first one. The one. And we all have that. If I have that you have that some. There's people where I'm like, this person is having a life. And I would. If I was moving to their town, I would say, hey, I love. I love watching you on social media. I know this is weird. I. I hope you don't find this creepy, but I'm moving to town and I want to just, you know, get some drinks and just say, what's up? I think we gave some good advice today. If I'm. If I'm to be give. Here, let me put a little pat on my back. Hear that? Mailbag Monday. Keep sending your emails. Jtrainpodcast@gmail.com. boom.