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It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is Jay Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Delray Beach, Florida. That's right, every Monday is a mail bag Monday, where me, the comedian, answers you, the listeners emails, and you can send anything you'd like to jtrain podcastmail.com. that's jtrain podcastmail.com. i had a conversation with myself before starting today. I was like, okay, let's keep it tight. Let's keep it tight. I got emails, I got one sponsor. So the only real announcement here is, I'm going to be in Richmond, Virginia this weekend. Richmond, four shows. I would love for you to come. I'd love for you to tell a friend who lives in the Richmond area. Bring your families, bring your friends. I have an hour of material. This is my last stop before I start to do some theaters. That's right. I'm going to do my performance at the theaters. I'm gonna regale people with my tales of hilarity. Ooh, that's a fun. That's a fun way to say it. I have in front of me, I got three advice emails. I've got one ad, so we'll do email. Ad, email, email. Go get your tickets for Richmond or tell a friend in the area also. Or send them just this podcast, you'd be like, this is the guy. You know, like, I. My st on stage is a performative version of this. This is a little, you know, there's a. This is a performance, this is performative. I. I hope that didn't come off the way. I didn't want it. I wanted that. Here's my point. When you go on stage and do standup, it is an amped up version of yourself. And when you do a podcast, it is another version of yourself. And when you're sitting in a room and you watching TV on the couch, that's. These are all the same. There are no lies told. So I think anyone you'd send this to, you could be like, this is basically, this is the deal. This is the perspective you'd be getting on stage. Like, I don't go on. I, I wouldn't like that if I wouldn't. And I think that's why some people are let down by comedians. You know, they go, this is what I bought in for. And now I'm getting this, you know, now I'm getting them asking me where I'm from and what do I do? And it's all crowd work. I. I don't need that. I want to hear the perspective in performance mode. So I'm going to perform. I'm going to sing dance industrial in Richmond also. It's Richmond, then Washington D.C. now Washington D.C. is the first theater. It's the, it's the Warner Theater. It is a place I've really wanted to play for a long time. I'm so excited. That is going to be a show that I'm like coming in ready, you know, 17 coffees deep. So I want you to come to that show because right now it's a big. It's a big room. It's a. I'm just letting you know, like I'm getting nervous about the tickets selling. This is me. Please, please, God, please get a ticket. Tell someone to D.C. well, that's a bigger market than Richmond. So I'm let. You know, Richmond, you know, that's us in a room, you know, talking D.C. a theater. And you know, I've had people come to shows. They're like, oh, it was cool to see the, the comedy club version. It was cool to see the theater version. So. Okay, that's enough out of me. And announcements also, you know, Patreon, if you want the Friday episode, if you're right now I'm taping this. The Patreon that's up last would have been one I haven't taped yet. But the one that I know is taped is all about my experience going on the Golden Bachelor. So. And I've gotten a, a really amaz, like some amazing feedback from that. So I just want to make sure if you are a Patreon subscriber. Thank you. That was really, truly nice the way people responded to that episode. So every link is in the description this episode. Everything's in the description. The ads, the YouTube, the Patreon. Okay, let's do the emails. If you have a question. It can be anything. Remember that. It can be anything. I mean, some of your questions went towards chit chat Wednesday last week where we had a certified financial planner on the show. So that, that was cool. So we've got emails that are, that are. Your emails are useful. They will be used. Okay. And that email is jtran podcast gmail.com. i got a one and a half liter. Had they decide on one and a half liters. It's got to be one and a half liters equals something of, of, of. Of of note because I'm having a Trader Joe's natural mountain spring water. One and a half. I like the one and a half liter because I like. I know I got it in as I drink my water on an audio platform. Okay, Jared, I recently brought up a sensitive topic to my boyfriend, and his reaction was very disappointing. That is tough. Now, if you're new here, I read these with you. So I, I have never read this email. So I. And I kind of like to take a little dance, you know, in between the aisles during some of these sentences that is like, you know, we talk about the reveal. If you're familiar with the reveal, which will be kind of a big part of the book that I have written, is the reveal happens in many ways. It's not just, I love you, it's, I recently got news that a relative has passed, and now you're revealing vulnerability. You're revealing something's happened. No, the reveal could be, I can't get it up. You know, they get, you know, to make this, like, more light. I guess that's not light if you can't get it up. You know, the reveal could be, I have one nipple. You know, like, I, I, I. So. And then your partner's reaction is also the reveal. So, I don't know. Let's. Let's see. After a lifelong battle with my weight, I've decided to go on Ozempic. Let me react to that, because, congratulations. That's tough to do. And, you know, there's versions of feeling. Listen, I. My stage act, one of the main parts of my standup right now is my parents offering me their OIC and how that feels. And, you know, it's funny. It's all about delivery. It's all about, you know, how things come to you, that maybe you, you know, that, you know, some, you know, if you think about your ego as like a sail of a ship, if it hits the sail the wrong way, you know, you don't move anywhere. You go backwards. You know, sometimes it hits you in the right spot and you go, you know. So Ozempic is, is an emotional thing. I understand that personally, because when my parents are like, you should take it off. But I do think if I came to the Ozempic conclusion myself, I would, it would be different. I really do believe it would be very. So I, I do think it takes a lot of strength. It takes some courage. And to go on Ozempic, you're admitting that something might be beyond you. The I and you say a lifelong battle with my weight. Listen, I'm there with you. So I, I I understand that this was sent on Instagram. You can send us messages at J Train podcast on Instagram. Okay, so I kind of see where this is going. After a lifelong battle with my weight, I've decided to go on Ozempic. I'm probably around 25 pounds higher than my ideal weight, which may not seem like a big deal. Well, this is the problem with weight. Everyone's weight is there is individual to them. Now, that can go in bad directions. That can be people who don't see what's really there, and it become. It can become a sickness. I do understand that. So. But, you know, anything can become a sickness. Anything, you know, you do too much of anything is a bad thing. Too many apples. I'm sure someone will go, oh, you got the apple itis. You know, like, ah, you shouldn't add 25 apples a day. Okay, I'm probably around 25, so I don't think being 25 pounds higher than your. The. If your ideal weight is 30 pounds, yes, we have a problem. But I'm sure, listen, I'm living in the land of, you know, just like the center of the bell curve, where I am. Where we all have our problems, we all have our insecurities, but 25 pounds higher than I'm 25 pounds higher than I'd like to be. If I was 20 pounds 5 pounds skinnier. That's the other problem. That's the other reason I don't go on Zic is like, I don't know what I would talk about. All I talk about is what I want to eat, what I ate, how it made me go to the bathroom. Like all that would go away. Okay. I'm probably about 25 pounds higher than my ideal weight, which may not seem like a big deal from the outside. I look like a chubby middle. I. I don't like that description. But I, I hate when people tell me, be nice to yourself. So I, I. That. Let me let you know. I'm sure you're not. I'm sure we're not sitting there. What kind of a piece of. Look at that chubby mid. Like, no one would say that, but we're meaner to ourselves than people than we. You know, the real. The reality of it, not to make it sadder, is no one's thinking about you. But. But that might help. I don't know. Not someone that screams in need of medication. I get it. What people can't see is that constant war in my brain around food. That's. That's the true. That's the thing to celebrate with oic. And if you kind of like lean on experts, which I am not, you hear from people, the food noise is gone. Then you hear it from experts and you kind of hear from researchers that they're finding out that in test studies, I think, and then I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm repeating things I've heard secondhand. So take this with a grain of salt. But they say that it's been helping people with addictive quality. You know, it's not just food, it's cigarettes, it's alcohol. So it may be that this is an answer to much more that we're scratching the surface of. So like I'm like, I am in the land of hope and positivity and wow, if one person thinks that, let's investigate more, let's do more science to figure that out. I, you know, if, if anyone's response to, yeah, they're saying in a couple tests it's helping people get off cigarettes. If someone's response that is no way. It's like, okay, well, well how about we keep investigating, you know, no way. Why would you say no? The yo yo dieting. I'm with you. You are speaking to my heart. This emailer is me as much as I am them. So I hope they feel seen. I have tried everything and I'm exhausted. If this drug can soothe my food obsessed brain and let me eat like a normal human, I will be so listen, I watch thin people eat. That is a thing I do. I watch them like they are animals at the zoo. I'm like, wow. And you know what? I'm not, I'm not alone. I remember I was at this like family event and my brother like there was an older guy who's my grandfather's like good best friend. I remember my brother was like, look at his plate. And, and we were both like looking at his plate and he's like this 90 year old man and he's got like, he literally had a plate that looked like a nutritionist made it for him. It was like 2/3 greens, one little tiny piece of chicken, like half a potato. And we're like, that's the answer, that's it. And I do think when you go up to a buffet that is you at your most, you form. And some of us get a plate that looks like the nutrition has made it without needing a nutritionist to go, ah. You ever talk to a nutritionist? I mean, Alex Turoff, who's a fan of the show or was at some point, who has helped me a lot. She's great on social media. You should go follow her. Al Ix Turof. You know, this is, no offense, or this is most nutritious, but when you talk to them, they go, they do this thing when you talk to a nutritionist, they go, you know, and you can have. And you're like, yeah. And they're like a handful. And you're like, of. You know, and they're like, cashews. And you're like, yeah, cool and fun. And you have to act like, oh, yeah, of course. And they're like. And you're like, and with the cashews, I can, you know, put powdered sugar on it. They're like, no, no, no, no. And you can have a water or like a sparkling seltzer with a little bit of flavor to it. And you're like, cool. Okay, fine. Yeah, that sounds delish. Or. Or you're like, or. Or I could, you know, little. You can get chocolate chips. Like a handful of chocolate chips. No, they're like, no, no, no. You can have a piece of steak. You're like, oh, steak. I like steak. That's the size of your palm. And you're like, I, yeah, I guess. Is it with the fingers or without the fingers? Like, it gets depressing right away. So, like, I'm with you. If Ozempic offers this thing that takes away that, like, don't have the cookie. Have the cookie. Have the cookie. Don't have the cookie. No, you ate. You ate breakfast too much. You ate too much breakfast this morning. Have the cookie. Don't have the cookie. Have the cookie. Have the. That's my whole life. So I get it now. To my boyfriend. Uhoh. When I told him the news, he said, oh, so you don't want to diet and exercise? That's the lazy way out. Hey, hey. I think that's the worst human alive. But it's your boyfriend. So I'm sorry, and I'm sure he's a nice guy, but that is like the most hacky, stupid response. I, I, here's my, here's my initial thing. Like, I. That response. I don't even think that person exists. Like, I live in a world where I think that is like a cart. Like, I believe you because you're writing into me. But like, I can't. I'm like, you exist. You're a real human. I see the tiktoks of these people, and I just assume it's rage bait because. Oh, so you don't want to Die and exercise. That's the lazy way out is like, the dumbest. Like, I, here's my initial response, and this is me showing my narcissism and ego. And I'll, I'll, I'll be more vulnerable than your boyfriend was with that statement, which I'm not getting. I'm, I, I, I'm sure he has other fine qualities. I can't believe that, that you're dating you like this show and you're dating him. That's, I don't mean to be an. I'm sure he's, he's got to be good look. He's got to be, he's got to be Rich Goodlook. I don't know. I'm, I'm sitting here in my kitchen taping this, you know, surrounded by my trash, and I'm like, like, I'm not saying I'm a great guy. I'm just saying the perspective of this podcast is, like, on every email I do, I like to think maybe I'm being this way to him, that he's being to you. I don't know. So I'm being so honest right now. I, I, that's what I do on this show. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just like, send this to him. He might come and murder me. I don't know. Don't tell him where I live when I told him the news. I just think he is the dumbest fuck if that's his opinion. This, to me, Oz is methadone. And you're like, jared, I'm not a doc. Methadone is the drug to get you off the drugs. Like, it's a drug that helps. Again, food, Food addiction. And, you know, I am guilty. My food problems binge and purge. You know, it's, it's very, you know, it's very bingy. That's when I, I can feel myself going off the rails, and I just can't stop. The train is just running down the tracks. And I, I'm sure you're listening to this. Who wrote this? And you're feeling seen, because I'm sure you do the same thing. Like, even last night, I got home, I did shows with Nimesh Patel. He, he was headlining in Dania Beach. So I went and visited and said hello. And then he, he said I could do 10 minutes. So I did some, I did both of his shows, which was a blast. And then I got home and, like, pulled out the pretzel chips, then pulled out the everything but the bagel. Dip. And I had that. And I was like, yeah, that a few was enough. And then I move on. And then I go, oh, well, get some of the pirate's booty. And now I'm in the pirate's booty and I'm getting a cup and then going back to the kitchen, get a cup. All this is to say is like, you know, it's beyond me too. So I believe you. But again, also, here's the other thing. If you're dating someone who's never dealt with that, here's my empathetic view to your boyfriend. If he's never dealt with that, then I can under. Maybe understand why he's like, that doesn't exist. That's how all mean people kind of start. If you want to be nice to a mean person, all mean judgments start with, they've never experienced or met someone with this plight. So I've tr. So they write none of my boyfriend. When I told him the news, he said, oh, so you don't want to diet and exercise? That's the lazy way out. Excuse me, I've diet and exercise. I've trained for marathons. I'm not lazy. I'm tired. He's made it clear he doesn't support my decision and feels it will ruin date nights because I don't want to eat. Can a relationship survive this lack of support? Well, listen, I have been on dates with people who are on Ozempic, or I believe to be, because they do kind of stir their food around. It is a little less. And I just said, I don't know what I would talk about if I didn't have. If I didn't have, you know, the food stuff going on. I think a relationship can survive this. I don't think it can survive the lack of understanding how big of a thing this is for you. Now, can you go on it and, you know, still have a date night, Go out for dinner? Of course. Like, would you order less? Would you be less fun? Would your conversations be less? No, I don't think you'd order less, but you might, but you'd enjoy more. I. I would think you'd be happier. You're. I. And here, let me, you know, to. Maybe his concern is, like, he's attracted to you now. Like, he thinks the £25 that you have is like, beautiful and wonderful. And, you know, they're afraid that, like, again, this is like, for people, I guess, like, it's the reverse. It's like the reverse of being afraid. A partner gains weight, you're Like, I'm not, this isn't my type. But when they lose. But if you're with someone and they lose, I don't know, there's a, there's a number. Can it survive is your question? Yes, I think he needs, I think it's not about, I think you got to take this out of it. There's a difference between, you know, can it survive like the change in dinners. Can it survive the, you know, the, that we don't get to snack together, that we won't do this or won't do that? I think the real thing to wonder if it can survive is can he, can he see where you're coming from? Does he even know this is an issue for you? Have you even been vulnerable? And it sounds like you have, but have you been vulnerable with them? That this 25 pounds, this, this life of, have you kind of confided? You know, I, I don't know if you've done this and I would assume you would, but it's, it's an option. If you're saying to him, I just want to go on Ozempic without him knowing like how deep this goes, then his response makes more sense. If you have been deep with him about your eating and how you feel about it, how it's been this lifelong thing, in the way that I feel the same way as you, then the response is concerning. So I don't know if that helps. I mean, that said more about me than you, that whole email. J train podcast gmail.com jtrain podcastmail.com Speaking of getting in shape and being healthy, all you want after a long day was a big bowl of pasta, but your diet wouldn't allow it. Until now. Time to check out Hero Noodles. With more protein and 60% fewer calories than other brands, you can enjoy the comfort bowl of penne pasta. Again, here's. I mean to go back to the first email. Like I, when I eat and try to eat healthy, I, I just want volume because I love the hand to mouth nature of eating. Like, so Hero bread's kind of an answer to that. You can have more volume and you can have pasta that you love and get that feeling that warms your heart from having a big bowl of pasta. Just like they're saying here, I love efficiency. I love that I can have the same pasta that tastes delicious with less calories and more protein and everyone's got protein goals. That's a big thing right now. So I, I've had the bread, the bread's delicious. I haven't had the noodles or the pasta, but I think I love what Hiro's doing. There's. They're solving something that we've been kind of asking for. You know we want to eat. You know we want to have the pasta. Hero Bread's offering you a solution. Want a no regret sandwich option? Hero makes bagels. They're great with 17 to 19 grams of protein along with sliced bre tortillas, even croissants. You'd never know it's low net carbs or that it's high fiber from the texture. It's delicious. I've had it. It's soft and fluffy just like you want it to be. Hero Bread is a huge favorite for good reason. Keep an eye out for their delicious small batch drops and get on the wait list for the best sellers. Hero bread is offering 10% off your order. Go to Hero co use code J train at checkout. That's J Train hro co. So that's our one sponsor. It is in the description of this episode. I mean it goes with the email. I'm happy to hear. We're getting a lot of messages on IG, so @j Train podcast or send it to J train podcast. Com. So do I have to give my boyfriend okay. So do I have to give my ex boyfriend's clothes back? He randomly broke up with me on Sunday. I'm not mad about the breakup, okay? I'm not mad about the breakup. I'm just conflicted on if I should drive an hour to give him his clothes back. I just drop it off when I know he won't be there. He didn't ask. He was immediately blocked. Lol. But earlier today I was thinking that I could hurt his feelings by dropping the clothes off without saying anything. And then they put in parentheses a reach. There is no winning in trying to win a breakup. You're never going to win. It's never going to. What you want is to drop off the clothing at his house and then he sends like a three page text back to you about how much he loves you and how this was so hurtful and how could you do this? And maybe he begs for you back and you know what? Then you have to deal with should I be back with someone who's in love with me? They just said they are in love with me. It's so hard to find a new boyfriend. So you're back where you started. You're not feeling as great as you'd like to be. It sounds like you're pretty over it, but like, this is also an email that rings of tough talk. When you say he was immediately blocked, lol. Like that's just like someone posturing. But earlier today I was thinking that I could hurt his feelings again. When someone wants to hurt someone else, it's because they are hurt. So you're hurting. And I, that's okay. I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I feel for you and I hope you get through this and you will be better. You're going to be fine. You're gonna, you're gonna find a new boyfriend who's gonna be the one, and you're gonna talk shit about this guy for the rest of your life and you're gonna say to that new boyfriend, oh my God, my ex was the worst and he left all these clothes. You're gonna have these stories to talk about to your new boyfriend and to your girlfriends. You've got a lot going for you. Here's my advice on the old clothing. The old clothing isn't worth having in your home. It will only remind you of the ex and the relationship and bring you to a place that you can't control. I don't know if it's a good place, I don't know if it's a bad place, but also I don't know what place that will bring to you at the time you see it. This is the problem with exes and pictures that come up and their old clothing. You can't control when it comes into your life and then you digest it and it digests differently every time. So having the old sweatshirt in the house, you might run into it and go on a lonely day, you might run into that sweatshirt on a lonely day and it just makes you feel so sad and upset about how lonely you are and the relationship that you had and how you wish it had worked out. Or you hit it on a happy day and it all of a sudden you're looking at your ex sweatshirt and you're brought to a darker place. They dumped you. Makes you feel less than all things you can't control. You might see the sweatshirt and it makes you angry. So let's get rid of the thing in your home that we can't control. How it's going to make us feel now. So now that we've decided to get rid of the ex's stuff, how do we do it? They're an hour away drive. That's not going to happen. I'm not driving an hour there hour back to give them their stuff back when they Dump me. Here's what I do. I put everything. I put all his stuff. Here's what I do. I put his stuff into a box and I put it with either my doorman, if I'm lucky enough to have one, or the side of my garage. And I have that with a text. Whatever you do, you're leaving it at a place where they can pick it up and you're giving a time limit. Hey, I'm not here to ask you back. I'm not here to talk about the breakup. I'm just letting you know there's a box your stuff outside of my garage on Sunday from 10am to 1pm I'm going to leave so that you can pick it up. It'll be there for you. After that, there is a due date. I'm gonna have to toss it because I don't want to have to look at you. Don't even have to take it because I'm gonna have to toss it. So again, make it crystal clear. You're gonna do it like you're the cable guy. From 10 to 1p. From 10am to 1pm A box of your stuff is gonna be sitting outside of my garage. You are more than welcome to pick it up at 1:01pm that is going to the garbage. I wish you luck with everything. Please don't text me back. Boom. Done. It is not your responsibility to drive. It is not your responsibility to go in. And again you going to try and hurt him. It ain't going to work. Sorry. It's not going to work. It's going to be. It's going to. It's going to. It's going to backfire emotionally. J train podcast@gmail.com J train podcastmail.com Got one more here. Love a mailbag. Monday. If an email here spoke to you in a way, send it to a friend. Give them the timestamp. They can skip all the garbage in the beginning. Hey, start from here. You can do that on Spotify. You can send it with like. Start from here. Papa J.T. long time. First time. A bit of Patreon for years. Love. Getting to put my brain on the shelf with you a few times a week. Well, thank you. I'm writing in with a mailbag Monday. Question. I 27 female, have been with my boyfriend, 27 male, for five years. We're both in medicine, have been in school and sometimes long distance most of our relationships. So we haven't lived together yet. I read that sentence horribly. We're both in medicine and have been in School and sometimes long distance. Most of our relationships. So we haven't lived together yet. Maybe it's the way they wrote it. So. Okay. Because sometimes long distance, most of our relationships. So we haven't lived together. You've never lived together. Okay. Five years though. Okay. I graduated in May and started a new job over the summer. Our plan was for me to work and save for a year My. Our plan was for me to work and save for a year or so with a house slash engagement on the horizon for the next year or so. However, now I'm having a crisis. I'm developing a crush on a co worker. I feel awful just writing that, but I can't get past my feelings. I feel butterflies when he's around. We spend a lot of time together at work and have a very fun time. Well, okay, let me, let me. Before we get further into this, let's acknowledge that you have a lot of fun together at work is not the same as a long distance boyfriend who you've been with for five years. And we all know that. I'm just saying being fun at work with someone is the easiest thing in the world because you're getting paid to be there. So. And you might go, well, we don't make a lot and we're, you know, but you're somewhere you have to be. So, you know, a relationship is taking responsibility for the things you don't have to do for other people. You're signing up for the responsibility of someone. So the work crush, which is fun and they're, you know, and you're attracted them and all that. But are you going to sign up for the times where you don't have to be at the same place? Are they going to sign up for the times where you don't have to be at the same place? Again, this is, this is me just taking the wind out of the work crush a little bit. I'm not saying it can't happen or it won't happen. I'm just saying it doesn't really say to me that you guys are a perfect match and should be together forever. But okay. I feel butterflies when he's around. We spend a lot of work time at work together and have a very fun time. I get the vibe that he likes me sometimes when we're together it feels like a date. Well, you're at work. It's not a date. The kind because it's not. I know it feels like a day, but you also a date, you have to make time when you're, you know, tired and don't want to make time. You have to be excited to go see this person in your extracurricular time. So I have to be excited to go on a date and not go to the gym and not do the errands that I had to do and not sit on my couch alone at home, watch a movie. I like. It feels like a date. The kind I would say is going well. You've spoken about the concept of getting a lot. You spoke about the concept of getting a jolt of dopamine from a crush or validation from a swipe right You. Is that what this is? Yeah, I think a lot of it is. I mean, you're getting. There is a dopamine hit to the new and exciting. You're getting the new and exciting. This is a new. And you're 27. You've been with your boyfriend for five years and you've kind of just hovered. You're saying, well, we're saving with a engagement and a moving on the horizon. But that's all just words. There's no action to that. So that can become stale really quick. I mean, I bring up this quote all the time because it's just so good relay. You know, the Woody Allen quote. Relationships are like sharks. They either keep moving or they die. And right now you're not moving too quick with your 20n27 minute, 22. You've been in school, you've been distracted. You know, sometimes a boyfriend or a relationship, a girlfriend is a crutch. It's oh, I know someone's there. All these hard times and that person is there. You know, like I, I. And again, that might be me single me being miserable single me. But if it's not giving you, you know, what are you getting from this other than saying I have a boyfriend. Someone out there cares, especially in your 20s. Is that what this is? I think it's worth mentioning that my current boyfriend was my first boyfriend. Right. I love my boyfriend and really want to continue the life we are building. But I feel horrible about this. What do you think about my predicament? I want to push my feelings for my co worker aside, but can't stop thinking about him. I'm hopeful this is temporary and will fizzle. Thank you. Betchin crisis. I. That is not. I wouldn't. Mike Lombardi, who used to have a podcast and now he's like at UNC working with Bill Belich. He's a NFL guy. He would. He has a line, you know, this is the episode of quoting other people. Don't confuse Hope for a plan to say, I'm hopeful that this is temporary and will fizzle. That ain't a plan. And I do believe that this jolt that you're enjoying from the coworker, if you're getting it from them, you might get it from someone new in the future after you've gotten over this one. I think this issue is you and your boyfriend and your lack of excitement of your relationship. If you were excited about your relationship, you wouldn't be looking for excitement elsewhere. I. That sounds a little simplified, but I would say, I don't know. I think this whole thing of, like, I don't. I don't want to encourage you to, like, move in because that's like solving the pro, you know, let's have a baby so that we can, you know, bring back the fun in this relationship. But I do think this whole, like, when you write, yeah, we have plans to move in and where, you know, but if it's all long distance, I think that can run its course. I really do. If. If, like, I'm just thinking, like the long distance thing with no plan and is just hovering. So I don't know what you do. You know, part of me is like, Part of me is like, get together with your boyfriend. Let's make a plan to have a trip or something. Let's do something and like, be vulnerable with him. Hey. And make it. I don't think you need to bring up, I found a new guy at work who makes me wet. I think you got to go. I feel like we're stale here. I feel like we're just hovering. What. You know, and maybe start talking about the future in real terms. When is this going to happen? Is this engagement coming? Two months, one month? I. I feel like I'm just sitting here living in repeats. Living in repeats is a big part of this, I think, because what do you. You know, and you have to. Also, I can't tell you from this email, you have to decide, do you have a boyfriend because you just like, the security of having someone, or do you have a boyfriend and you love him because there's something special here that you can't find anywhere else? I can't tell you that. But when you're distance, you kind of just like live as this, like, vacation. You get together for like one weekend a week at a time, and it's all magic and butterflies, but there's no real conversations. There's no sitting. But five years. I would hope that you've had that realness, but I don't Know if you're going to work and feeling this excitement that you don't get at home and you don't get from this relationship, what is this relationship for? And what do you think you're going to get engaged and then all of a sudden you know, I don't know. I don't know. Not a good answer for. For an email where you ask for answers. I don't think your plan is a good one. I want to push my feelings for my coworker aside, but can't stop thinking about him. I'm hopeful that this is temporary and will fizzle. I don't think it will. And I think whoever this guy is, it'll be about someone else once you've moved on from them. And this will eventually take the form of cheating that you really don't want to get involved with because it sounds like you're aware of this. It starts with a conversation with your boyfriend. Where are we going? What are we doing? This feels stale. I would say this feels stale. Not I found someone else. I'm getting attracted. No, no, no. There's no reason to put that in someone else's hat. Because this feels stale is the answer. Because maybe if it's less stale, the other stuff goes away. I don't know. Maybe I'm now confusing hope for a plan, too. I hope my indecision on how to help you is helpful. Like you feel seen. This is hard. This isn't easy. But at 27, let me. But let me also give you a speech and 27. One boyfriend. Last five years. 27. And this is my only boyfriend ever. You'll find another boyfriend if you end this, and that will be hard. I'm telling you right now, you're gonna find someone great. This isn't the only person who will date you. You're gonna find someone. It's gonna be okay. Because sometimes that's what it takes. Sometimes it's. You're holding on it. Just like when you say. I mean like, I graduated in May and started a new job over the summer. Why are you still. I don't know if it's a. We're both in medicine, have been in school, sometimes long distance, most of our relationships. So we haven't lived together yet. I graduated in May and started a new job over the summer. Our plan was for me to work and save for a year with a house engagement on the horizon in the next year or so. Are you guys living near each other? Like, once you graduated, it should be like, where are we? Five years. It's time. And if you're not doing that and you're, well, I'll work first. I think that is someone putting things in the way so they don't have to make a decision. You're trying to, like, say, like, let me stretch this out so I can make sure. If you got to make sure, then you should probably dump them, end it, because what kind of life is that? Well, let me make sure they're the right person. You've had five years and ain't right now. I'm telling you to dump them. I'm just saying let's talk about the staleness of this relationship and what are some actionables we can take? Because right now you're living in vague. And if you can't come to a conclusion of, like, where you guys should live or how you guys should do this or get excited about that, then you got to talk about ending the relationship. And I'm telling you right now, if you end it, you're going to be fine. Jtrain Podcast. Com Back next week. Boom.