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It's a mailbag. Munder. You got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello, and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Spokane, Washington. That's right, every Monday. A mailbag Monday, where you, the listener, email me the comedian with your questions, your, your, your advice. You're looking. You have something on your mind. And I know this is weird to say. This is kind of the safest place you can go with this. I don't have a name at the top of these emails. I don't know your backstory or how you got to where you are on earth today to judge you on the information you're tell. That's a powerful thing for advice because you go to your friends and family and they're going to soften the advice because they don't want to, like, risk your relationship with them. They don't want to make it uncomfortable. People choose the more comfortable route and they know you. And so you don't even trust their advice because, well, you know, I'm not the same since college, when you knew me, you know, way back when. So this is the safest space on the Internet, and I'm here for you every Monday. And, you know, the only way this show works is if you email the show. So if you just have anything, even a little, little morsel that you're just like, ah, I wonder what someone would think about this. And I wonder what someone I trust. Papa jt, your boy, J Train. The wizard of Haas, the Sultan of Scream, the board Lord, I wonder what he thinks about this. So all you got to do, email the Show, J Train, PodcastMail.com Every Monday we do Mailbag Monday. You're here. You did it. You made it to a Monday. It's August. We are deep into the summer, where you start going, oh, my God, September's coming up. You're doing that. I'm doing that. You're going to. Oh, oh, oh. I can't believe foot. You know, there was the first preseason football game the other day, and I have a friend who's a big friend of the show. Ramblin Gamblin Dan Thunder Dan, who's gonna do his picks again this season. We're gonna bring back Ramblin Gamblin Thunder Dan to do some gambling picks. And he's a Steelers fan, huge one. And I texted him and his wife and I said, you know, rest in, you know, thoughts and prayers, not rest in peace, thoughts and prayers to his wife who has to start the season, you know, August 1st, you know, she's, she's locked in Thursday through Monday and sometimes, you know, and major holidays until February. So good luck to Ramblin Gamblin. Dan's wife. I'm, I'm saying wife. It's my friend. But, you know, we protect the name again. I, I know you listen, not everyone wants their name on a podcast, on the J Train podcast. So listen. Other than that. We have two emails in front of me. We got an email, then I'm taping these ahead because I got some time and Spokane, not much to do here. I am on the road. So the, the ad or ads or whatever we have will be inserted later. So we'll probably, whenever they're insert, I'll probably, I'll tell V. We're going to do email, ad, email and before. And we start with an ad for me, I gotta speak up for me, let me know first. I'll start with a thank you. Thank you for just even listening to me. That I mean everything I have is thanks to you, the audience. Everything, everything, everything. I, I repeat three times because I truly mean it. You know, I think back through my comedy and the failures and the no's and the yeses and the no's came from, you know, people who worked, you know, who, you know, the, the, the execs sometimes most of the time the no's came from the execs and most the time the yeses came from you. So that really means the world. So I taped a special in December. Since December, I've been working on new material to go and tour with because I don't want to show up to your town with no jokes. I don't want to show up to your town asking people in the audience where they're from, how long they've been married. I want to come with a show. I want to sing, dance and dust. And that's something I can promise. So the show, I would say we're 99% new material from the special taped in December. So if you saw the family business tour, you're going to get an hour of new comedy. Because I've been going an hour, five minutes. And the first five minutes I've done an old bit because I don't have the confidence yet to start with new. That's, that's, I'm, I'm telling you the truth of how this works. Whenever, wherever this special comes out, when it does, I'll be ready with a hundred percent new material. And that's kind of the deal comedians kind of make with their audience. And listen, I'm not like a someone who grew up like you know, kissing my George Carlin doll to, you know, good night. So I didn't know that. And this is. But does it does seem fair once it gets out on camera, whether it's a late night set or I think a late night said I could bring back some of the jokes. I would love to. There's a couple of jokes I'd like to like, have another shot at that I did on late night. Like Jimmy, I did Jimmy Fallon twice. When the special comes out, I think I'm gonna ask and I'm gonna hope that they will say yes to a third time. And I. But if it's on a special, you call it a special because you're, you think the jokes are special. That means nighty night to the jokes. And we start a new. So once that special comes out, wherever, whenever, whatever, you will, if you see me on the road, you'll see all brand new. And I want you to bring friends and family and, you know, these are all jokes that I, My parents come to my show, so I'm not looking to embarrass you in front of your parents. So you can bring them. Denver, Colorado, San Francisco. These are two cities coming up. Providence, Winnipeg, Richmond. Go to Jared free dot com. Denver and San Francisco. I kind of, you know, I kind of need you to come to the shows. It would really make me feel badly if I've gone two years in a row selling out Denver and adding a show to like, is anyone here? So assemble the group chat. That is enough for me. Let's get to you. Let's do the emails. This one, the first one has a part one and part two. And you as, you know, if you're, if you're new here, I read them with you. So these are the first I see them. I like to read them off and just go and listen. If you have feedback and you're like, nah, I'd like you to prep a little. I mean, I could, I, I, I, I think it would make for better clips. But you wouldn't get this. You know, I like to be raw. I hate when people say that, you know, I'm raw. It's like, okay, you see that from comics a lot. You know, nothing gets a bigger eye roll from me than a comedian going on stage and going, you know, I know you guys are gonna get weird, but I'm gonna, I'll be the one that says it and it's like, well, it's probably already been said. Like, I. Just say it. Just say it. We'll decide if it's shocking. I don't know. That is. That is not feedback to anyone in particular. As if. Oh, Jared was talking about Yada's pocket. I'm just saying, I. I thought, honestly, it kind of ruined the Chris Rock special. I was so looking forward to his response to Will Smith and the whole thing. And then he did it live, and I thought that was cool. And he kept saying. And I was like, you know, he's not the only one who does it. But he kept going, oh, I'll say it. It's like, say it, dude. You're Chris Rock. You rule. All right. I'm not talking, am I? I don't think. I mean, he's a living legend. I mean, whatever. I. I also will say this about Chris Rock when he goes up at the Cellar. He is working. He is doing new jokes. He is working through. Not everyone does that. Not everyone. I have a lot of respect for that. And he's funny and alleged. Whatever. Okay, I'll shut the up. Okay, you ready? It's called Hinge Date Canceled Recent Friend of an Ex, Part one. Dun, dun, dun. That reads like radio. That's the. That's a fun fact that someone tells you to, like, let you know they're smart. Is like, oh, soap opera started on the radio. Did you know that? Yeah, we know that. So. But it does sound like a soap opera that's on the radio. Dear J Train. Oh, also, if you want to hear about my week in Spokane, I had, like, the travel day from hell. I've had worse travel days than yesterday. But it is interesting that when you. A travel day that's gonna go bad is kind of like dark clouds off in the horizon. You can just see it coming. And I had one of those yesterday. So if you want to sign up for Patreon, you can hear that whole tale. Patreon.com jaredfreed It'll be the episode that's probably. I haven't taped yet. I'm just saying it'll be titled Spokane. I'm looking at Spokane right now. It is beautiful, and it's also industrial. It's very like. Like it's a town. You can tell at one point it was humming like, it reminds me a lot of Worcester, Massachusetts. If I'm to be Western Mass. And that's eastern Washington, it makes sense. There is no hate on carbs on this podcast, but if I have a sandwich or A taco every time I want one, then something has to give. This is where Hero bread comes in. Hero Bread lets you enjoy your burgers and biscuits while still hitting your health goals. Each serving contains 0 grams of net carbs, 0 grams of sugar, 11 grams of protein, and 22 grams of fiber. So you can chow down without the guilt. I love Herobred because if I'm given the choice between bread that has more fiber and keeps you fuller longer and bread that doesn't, I'm going to take the fuller, longer bread. Especially if it tastes just as good, which it does. Herobred tastes delicious. That's number one for everyone listening. Everyone wants to know, does it taste good? Yes. I love it. You take the loaf, you put it in the freezer, you have it as toast in the morning. It is fantastic. But it's also going to help you get to your health goals, which is we want efficiency in everything we do. Why not make your bread more efficient for your life? Herobred is fluffy, the croissants are flaky and you're not compromising on anything. Check out their staple products and keep an eye out for small batch drops of limited edition favorites. That's fun because you get to switch up what you're doing at home. It'll help you think of new menus to keep a healthy lifestyle creative, which is the biggest problem with having a healthy lifestyle. It gets monotonous. So get into herobrick because we're going to give you some free money. Herobred is offering 10 off your order. Go to Hero Co. Use code J train at checkout. That's J train at H E R O dot co. Dear J Train, Huge fan, long time listen of this podcast. I've seen you many times at the comedy seller and you've always had the funniest set of the night. Well, that is way too kind. I can't wait for your New York show in February. Yeah, that's happening. Get your tickets now. Boston already sold out. And that's in February. Yes, I will be adding a Boston show. I would love to do that for New York at a second show. I got a recent text from a hinge man. I got a recent text from a hinge match that I need your thoughts on. I matched with a girl on Hinge earlier this week. Okay, so a match with a girl on Hinge earlier in the week. We had a great convo. Set up a date to get drinks on Sunday. On Saturday afternoon I got the below text. Hi. I think we should probably cancel. I Just realized you're actually a recent ex of a friend of mine. You seem great, though, and I wish you all the best. Ooh, this is a great email. I want to thank the listener. Not just because they complimented me a lot at the front and gave me one that. A compliment that really warms my heart, but also because it's just a great premise. It's. It's so relatable. This is real. First, some background and then my questions. Thank you. Background. My ex and I broke up last August writing this email in July 2025. I'm reading this on August 2, 2025. And so you broke up a year ago, and now July 2025, you're on the apps. You meet someone nice on Hinge. You have a good conversation, you set date, and they write back, hi, I think we should probably cancel. I just realized you're actually a recent ex of a friend of mine. You seem really great, though, and I wish you all the best. I. Okay, well, here's. Let me. Let me roll this around in my head a bit. They're not that close. They did write we should probably cancel, which that does leave an opening for one more shot in my mind. I'm not looking or asking you or telling you to bother this person. I do understand why they backed away. Everything here makes sense, including you writing to me. We had dated for about a year, and it also makes sense they could be close. And this woman had no idea you existed dating for closer than a year. Closer to a year. You dated for close to a year. It's New York City. These. These relationships come and go. Women tend to hide a guy so that they don't get the embarrassment from friends if it ends. Hey, where did Dave go? Hey, what happened to Christopher? They don't want to deal with that. As you get older, you hide it more, which is probably the opposite of what you should do. But that's why this makes sense, that they could be close enough for her to not want to go out with you. It could also be that they're not that close, and she says probably should cancel, and she just wants you to make a stronger move to show that you're serious about actually pursuing her and taking this whole thing seriously, because I think that's a big part of it today. Modern dating, if I'm going to use that hacky phrase, is like, you can meet a lot of people, so you're not going to just go out with someone to ruin the relationships you already had, because you know how frivolous this gets. Treated. So it was definitely okay. So we had my background. Here's the background. My ex and I broke up last August. Writing this email, July 2025. We had dated for about a year. It was definitely the most serious relationship I've been in. And the best way I could describe the breakup is sad or. But amicable just weren't the right fit for each other. I will say there's no such thing as an amicable breakup. I think one person is more let down than the other. Now, both people can walk away maturely. But to say it was amicable, I think that's something we say when you're the dumper and you want to make yourself feel a little bit better. And yes, you might. There's a. There's a spectrum. You might be close to the truth, but I don't think no relationship has ended with two people looking at each other in the eye and going at the same two people looking at each other eye in the same time going, we should break up. No, you said that, like, doing, like, the Freaky Friday moment. That's not how relationships ever have ever ended. Every amicable breakup was started by one person who wanted to break up more than the other person. And the other person might have said, you know what? Now that you mention it, okay, I see what you're saying. That is closer to amicable. But I would say that's not amicable. That is one person who wanted to end it, and the other person saying, what am I going to do here if they don't want to be with me? I'm confident enough to want to be with someone who wants to be with me, and that's an okay way to leave a relationship. But let's not get in the business of just saying amicable when that doesn't exist. There is no Freaky Friday moment. One, two, three. We should break up. Oh, my God. No, you go first. I'll go first. Stop repeating what I'm saying. You know, like, they don't. That's never happened, so let's stop saying that. So, okay, from what I could tell on Instagram, my ex is now dating someone new. Okay, good for them. I had never met my hinge match while I dated my ex and did not realize she was friends with my ex until now. Totally fair. Totally, totally understandable. During our relationship, I met a lot of my ex's friends and most of her closest friends, but never heard of my. But never heard my ex mention having a friend with the name. I'm sorry. Sometimes I breathe in a Lot of air. And I just burp a lot during these podcasts. I hope that doesn't. I mean, even just saying it might have disgusted you. During our relationship, I met a lot of my. My ex's friends and most of her closest friends, but never heard my ex mention having a friend with the name of the girl I matched with on Hinge. All things here seem normal and could exist in a world where things happen. So I'm with you, buddy. Here are the questions. I don't think my ex would ever say anything bad about me, but do you think she told my hinge match that she would prefer us not to go on a date? I'm going to start with that. Ah, let's go through the possibilities. This person and you matched you. They realized. They went and searched you, Googled you, as people do. They saw that you followed the friend in common on Instagram, they went to that friend. Hey, I just want to check in with you. Do you know this guy? Oh, we actually dated. Okay, this is awkward. We matched on Hinge. Do you mind? No, I don't mind. Or you know what? I actually do, or you can do whatever you'd like. Like, we don't know. There's a. There's a range of answers that your ex gave, but I think this is more about the woman you matched with. I think they're doing. I think we all do the math. Okay. If I'm looking for a relationship and this guy's a year out and he wouldn't commit to my friend, who I think is great and beautiful and wonderful, and I kind of could go either way with going the date. And we also have to look at the way men and women decide on their matches. And this is no offense to you, and I'm not trying to speak for. For women, which I'm about to, but women will go on dates with a very wait and see attitude. You know how many emails I've received from women who are like, you know, we went on four dates, and I'm just not sure if I'm attracted to them. I gave him another shot. He seemed nice on the app, and he checked a lot of boxes. So I went, cuz, why not? You never know what could happen. So again, this is like the icky, not romantic part that guys generally don't want to hear. She wasn't obsessed with you when you matched. She liked you. She was cool with you. You had a good conversation. I believe everything you said, and I'm sure you're agreeing right now. I'm sure you're hearing this going, yeah, yeah, you know, I can understand that. She's got a. She's a beautiful girl with a bunch of matches. And she goes, okay, am I going to go with the guy that you know, with the guy that has the ex that I'm friends with or the one that I don't have to really worry about this shit? And people opt for comfort over difficulty, and that's okay. She should. That's the. Listen, these apps are. You know, Hinge and Uber are the same thing. We're looking for efficiency. We want to leave the house and get in the car right away. That's going exactly where we want to go without explaining it to the driver. We want to go on the date. That's going to be the closest point between here and marriage and here and happiness. And you got a few speed bumps along the way that she said, ah, probably. And listen, there are cracks in this when you write, I think we should probably cancel. And that's a soft cancel to me. So I don't think you should concern yourself with what the X is saying. It's not your problem. It's. You're. You've been respectful. I don't think you've gone any, you know, this is not you being a bad guy. And I do think, because here's the thing, let's say it was somewhere between, yes, go out with him. He's amazing, which it probably wasn't, and, ugh, please don't go out with him. That would ruin my life. That probably didn't happen. It's somewhere in the middle, as things usually are. So it's probably somewhere in the realm of it's a little awkward. And, And I think for love and for someone who's a good, you know, catch, like you seem to be. You listen to my podcast. You must be a great catch. You know, they're probably going, I would go out with him if he pushed a little bit. I think so. And I'm not. You know, this is like the uncomfortable part about dating conversations. I just did an interview with the Cut, and I hope I look okay in it, because the Cut. These articles get around. And the woman who I spoke to was wonderful, and I really enjoyed speaking with her, but I was really honest with her and, you know, it was about men and dating. And I was talking a lot about the fears of sounding badly because a lot of dating, real dating talk is sounding badly. It's not good versus bad or evil and mean versus, you know, wonderful and, And. And, you know, like, Saintly it's just not that way. It's a lot of gray, and this has a lot of gray to it. So. And then they write. Or do you think it's more likely that my hinge match found out her friend was my ex and made the decision on her own? I think it's one of the. The other. They probably said, this is too much of a mountain for me to climb. Or, hey, I'm going to ask a friend of a friend, an in between, and that friend's going to go. They were a mess after the breakup, and they could have heard that. Yeah, I don't know. They were really upset after that breakup. She's with a new guy now, but probably you want to steer clear. We don't know what happened. All I know. And all you know is that this text we should probably cancel is not I have to cancel. And yes, a lot of women, when they text, they don't want to be mean. So that's her maybe softening just to not be mean. So that's okay. I do think, based on what I know right now. I'll get to the rest of your questions. It deserves one more text. But you have to own. You have to own that you really want to go out with her. Because this goes from casual drinks with someone I had a good conversation with to less casual drinks with someone who knows my ex that I would be taking seriously as a dating partner. I do think you have to in the same way. Basically, this is them saying, holding up the sign. They're the con. You know, they're at the construction site and they're holding up a sign that says, slow, careful, caution, warning, be gentle. And you don't just come on this date to fuck me and chuck me. That's like. And again, that's a gross way of putting it. But that's to me, if they do go out with you, because. Okay, I don't think I'm owed anything here and don't want to come off as a complainer, but if the first scenario is more likely. I'm trying to get a sense of why my ex would say that, given that she has seemingly moved on and is presumably not the close. That close of a friend with this girl. So it's funny, my concern was like, man, I really wish I could go on this date. The emailer's concern is with the ex. I appreciate all the advice I can get here. Thanks. The recent ex of a friend. So it's interesting, you know, you read an email and you think it's Going one way and it goes another. Because I go by your words. Your words are very concerned with this ex trashing you about town. I would say that is not the reality. I think this is. I think. I think it's easy. I understand why you went that way. I don't think you're known as this notorious playboy by her and her friends. And there's a sign above. You know every woman's bathroom with your face and a big X over it. I do think I believe in what I said before. If you think that this conversation really jumped off the screen. Do you want to? I do think you can. And you own the fact that this is now a more pressurized date, but not the most pressure. But it is more than just two people getting casual drinks. And you have to take ownership of that and you have to take care for that. Then I think you can text the person again, like, hey, I just wanted to give this one more shot. I know you said you're friends with my ex. I thought the ending was pretty amicable, and I wish her nothing but the best. But, you know, if you still wanted to go out, I. I would. I would love to, but I would totally understand if. If this is. If this is something that you're not willing to. A road that you're not willing to walk down, something like that. I think you could give it another shot if you care for this. You know, this again, not to make too much of a hinge match, that of someone you never met. But I do understand having been on Hinge and being a single guy myself, there are conversations that jump off the screen that make you go, I gotta meet this person. So I wish you the best. I don't think your ex. I don't think you should worry about your ex. I think sending your ex a text is a mistake. I don't. I think it's way more likely to be this person who's just being cautious and. And saying, hey, it's a year out of a breakup. He ended things with a girl that I think is great. And I just was like, going to meet this guy who I never really. I didn't know what I felt yet. And before I even get down that road, I'm going to buy back out. J train podcast gmail.com J train podcast. @gmail.com we are sponsored. Vori. If you want workout gear that you can wear to the gym and then straight to happy, look no further than Vori. Vori makes activewear that doesn't look like activewear. And it's so comfortable that you'll want to wear it all the time whether you're pumping iron or not. Their Sunday performance joggers are fantastic. They're even created with 88% recycled fabric. I love vori. They sent me a bunch of stuff. I already had the shorts, but the T shirts, the joggers, they're all so comfortable and they're clean. They look good. They are a great fit, so to speak. It is perfect for going to the gym and then running a bunch of errands or doing those errands on your way to the gym. It is great for your going to coffee outfit. 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Visit the website for full terms and conditions. Love it. We got one more email. Let's get into it. I've been a fan for years. Looking forward to spending Valentine's Day with you in Toronto at your show. I'll get right to it. Love Toronto. Huge fan of that town. I have a story about Toronto that I gotta tell. It's not about Toronto. It's. No, it's not even a Toronto story. It happens to be that I know someone from Toronto. Okay. I'm in my early 30s and met a guy that plays on my friend's volleyball team. The games are every Thursday night. After the first time I went to watch, my friend passed him my number and he started texting casually. Okay, you went to watch, friend passed him your number. He texted you because he. The way you wrote this, he got your Number he texted you and now you're texting casually, which means it's less. He hasn't made a plan yet. Is that my assumption? When I went to watch the next Thursday night, he so you're. You're like a fan of this team? You got season tickets. When I went to watch the next Thursday night game, he spontaneously asked to go for drinks after. Okay, I like. You know, it's interesting. It's interesting the way our brains work and I don't know where this email is going to, but I have some assumptions of where it's going to go when I hear we started texting casually, then spontaneously asked to go for drinks after the next time I was at the game. It is interesting because you're making you're distinguishing effort. You're. You're doing this maybe without knowing it, but I can feel it. Because he got your number, you start texting casually. Means we don't have a plan yet. Then we go to the game spontaneously, we're out, let's go out. And it feels less effort than maybe you would have wanted. But if that's where the Zmail goes, I'm a genius. But I will also say when it comes to first drinks, it doesn't matter. Just get to the drinks. And I understand why there's trepidation on his part. You know, I got this number. I don't want to like make a move too soon. I don't want my initial efforts getting seen as too much. I'm going to see her anyways next Thursday. How about this? I'll chit chat her up over text and then I'll ask her in person to go get drinks. If she's at the next game, maybe I'll even text the friend of a friend, like the person that gave the number to make sure you're coming. So there might have been more effort than maybe you felt with this spontaneous hey, let's get drinks after the game. But maybe I'm ahead of myself. When I went to watch the next Thursday night game, he spontaneously asked to go for drinks after. I agreed, no time like the present. Again, that sounds a little passive aggressive. I like it. It's very funny though. It was a great hang drinks and a makeout session until 1am Great conversation, lots in common. It has been a month later and I'm noticing this is a pattern we get into. He doesn't text much between hangs, but always spontaneously asked to hang out after a game. I mean, how close could I have been? I mean, I listen, this is why this is why I have the J Train podcast. I'm here for you. I know where this is going. And listen one. And I. Let me. Let me say to the emailer, I agree with you. It's not weird that you could have. Here's what a bitter dater does. Oh, he can text me, but he can't make a plan. And, oh, we're just gonna go when you're out of the house. And that's what a bitter dater does. You didn't do the bitter dating thing. You did the cool, awesome, fun, agreeable dating move. You did it. And now it's a month later and you're like, why are we still here? Relationships is a Woody Allen quote. Relationships are like sharks. They either keep moving or they die. And this is a very good example of a relationship dying because it's not moving forward. And you're not asking for a mile. You're asking for an inch. You're saying, hey, we've done this. We're in repeats. It's a month later, and I'm still your post volleyball hag. And I know you're not calling yourself a hag, but I'm just saying. I told him I want to see him. Beyond just Thursday night and into the early morning, nothing has changed. Is this doomed to be a casual thing? Your wisdom is needed. I don't know if it's doomed. I think it's doomed. If you. If you play not to lose, if you play this to not lose him, you will lose, because then you'll end up getting beneath what you want. Right now you're emailing me because you're getting him, but beneath the value you deserve. You feel. You deserve. You feel that the effort you're being given is beneath what would make you feel good. And that is okay. Your feelings are your own. You're allowed to feel them. Let's now make a move. Let's. I think what you have to do with your feelings. Again, I'm saying this as a stupid idiot sitting here looking at Spokane, Washington, what the fuck do I know? But I like to go. I like to taste my feelings. I like to. I like to be. Sure. I don't like to just you or I don't like to. But I have. We all have. You don't want to act on your feelings right away. You want to taste them and then go, okay, what do I want now? Do I want something different? You. I. Based on your email, it sounds like you've tasted your feeling. I don't. You know, after a month of this I want more. I like this person. I'm not getting to see what another episode of the TV show of us looks like. So you said you want to see him just beyond Thursday night. I think that's vague. I and I do think it's a good first way to go. You're being cool, but it's time. At this point, it's okay to be turned off. You are turned off. So I would say now I would send another text, hey, I'm a little turned off that we've kind of just done the same thing every Thursday night. I'd like to get to know you more than just after a game. I'd like to see what another context, what another environment for us looks like. Make a plan and I'm in. And I think make a plan, I'm in. And that is my catch all advice for everything because it would work on me. Now I'm either going to make a plan or I'm going to say to you, hey, it's been really nice getting to know you over the last month. I'm just looking for something different and I really appreciate getting to know you and I wish you the best or you're right. I and then on the date or he makes the plan and I do think this has to be talked about because why did you go this way? What was. And here's some reasonable responses. You know, the one night a week I get off is Thursday and it was just nice that you were coming to the games and we could hang out afterwards and you know, work is busy and I guess that's somewhat reasonable. I think it's. I just love the way you handle this because there is a bitter way to go. Oh, he keeps asking me out after the game and you know, I want a guy who will go home and get dressed for a date. You could have gone miserable and you didn't it. But he's taken advantage of your niceties to only operate the way he wants. Which I'm not gonna say it's doomed, but I'm gonna say that's a person who's not making time for you. That's a person who's not making you his responsibility. He's not moving his calendar to get to know you more. These are all bad things. The answer to this is to say, hey, I'm not going to be at the game this week, so I'd love to hang out with you again. Make a plan and I'm in. That's the move. And then you've turned this vague situation into an on off switch. He either makes a plan or he doesn't. Then I would say taste your feelings after a week. Let's say a week goes by, you have no plan. Let's taste those feelings. Oh, I'm really. I'm really annoyed he hasn't made a plan after I told him I'm not going to be at the game. And now it's been three weeks since I've seen him. Hey, just wanted to follow up. I'm really turned off that we haven't gone out or even have a plan yet. I wish you the best of luck. I have to end this. I'm looking to get to know someone that would be within your right. Because ending it is the answer at that point because you've now you've warned him. You gave a second chance three strikes. It's over. I just walked you through it. Is it doomed? I'm not going to say that. I don't believe in the word doomed. With relationship. I believe in I'm turned off. Let me communicate that and let's see how they react to that. And will it turn me off more? Because I'm trying to push you towards dumping him. I'm trying to get. I'm trying to get you to pitch to him in ways where he turns you off more and more at every turn. And that's. That's my strategy here because I can't tell you what's going on. I don't know. I know that right now you're writing to me and you're annoyed. So, okay, let them know you've. And then you've already let him know that you want to see him beyond a Thursday night. He hasn't done anything. Okay. Hey, just want to text you I'm not going to be there this Thursday. I would love to keep this. Continue. I'd love to continue getting to know you. Make a plan and I'm in. Then he doesn't do anything there. I am hoping by the laws of attraction that that enrages you to the point where you go, fuck this dude and you end it. Or he makes a plan and you go and you say, what the hell? What's going on? What was with the Thursday night thing? I had fun. But, like, were we just going to do that forever until I, you know, stop saying, I think you need to be a little bit more of a pain in the ass. You've been cool. Jtrain podcast gmail dot com. Jtrain podcast gmail dotcom back next week. Boom.