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It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there. I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello, and welcome to the J Train Podcast. Is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live? Hi. From Durham, North Carolina. That's right, every Monday is a Mailbag Monday, where you, the listener, email me the comedian with your advice questions. If you want to be a part of this show, all you got to do, email J train podcast gmail.com. that is as much promo and pushing that I'm going to do today on a Monday. We're taping this a little behind where we normally do so that it will be out for you when you pick up your kepi off the pillow Monday morning. I want to make sure there's a podcast for you. So we're just behind. You know, my schedule has been busy. Busy is great. I love being busy. I love it. I love it. I, I, I. And if you're listening here because you found us from the toast, which I had such a wonderful time with, Claudia and I hearing from their listeners. Wow, what a. What an audience. So thank you. If you're new here, this is what we do. It's a daily show. Every Monday, I do Mailbag Monday. I take emails from listeners, give advice. It's just one guy's opinion. A lot of it's dating and relationship. You can do family, friends, whatever you're really looking for. And, and as I say to everyone who's ever who's been listening, and thank you to the people who've listened to me, believe me, I'm not, I'm not forgetting about, you know, the OGs, but I would say what I do here is I speak freely, honestly, openly and compassionately about your problem while not having to make eye contact with you, which is, it is way more powerful than maybe you might know you. Maybe someone's asked you for advice and you're like, ah. And you don't feel it because you never give an advice to a blank screen, which is what I do. So I have three emails. I do three emails every Monday. We always need your advice emails. J Train podcast, gmail.com I'm in Fort Lauderdale in Miami the Friday and Saturday after Thanksgiving. Royal Oak, Michigan, Columbus, Ohio, and then Orlando and Tampa after the New year, but until the New year, San Diego and Orlando. So that's the rest of my year. I would love to see you, your family, your friends, assemble the group chat. So three emails, two sponsors. Email, sponsor, email, sponsor email. That's the show and the promise here, if you're new, 20 minutes at a minimum. We usually go over. Dear J Train, thank you for all you do. You mentioned you need submissions for Mailbag Monday. Yes, we always do. So I thought I would throw mine in the bag. See, I like that. I like that someone's like, yeah, let's just see what this guy's got to say. This guy in an apartment or in a hotel. I'm in Durham right now. I'm in this hotel. I will be complaining about this hotel tomorrow. Even though. Even though I guess what I'm. My problem with this hotel room is it could be great. That's. That's what we call tease in the business for ticked off Tuesday, which is every Tuesday where listeners complain with me and I or I complain with our listeners. You write in with your complaints and I complain with you. So if you're wondering what we do on Tuesdays, about a year and a half ago, I matched with a guy online while we were both visiting the same city. That's a very important. Sometimes people write things in their emails that are not important that to me, year and a half ago, match with a guy online, both visiting the same city. Okay. People say things to people while visiting a city that they wouldn't say if they were in their hometown. If, if, if it's where your stuff lies. You act differently than where your luggage lies. I will. I mean, if that, that's a saying that Bethany Frankel will be saying she invented in a year from now. Because I'm just letting you know, like that is an important sentence. And both of you are visiting. And here's the thing. I don't know if this is male or female or however you identify, but here I would say for men, when, when, when men are, Are traveling, who, who. That. That wrist is. Is floppy. Okay? That wrist is swiping on the. The dating apps loosely. Got a slutty wrist on the dating apps. Men, when they're visiting a town that's not theirs and they're wide open and ready to do when they're at home, they're prude. Men get prude at home if you're so something to be known. I was there for work and he was there visiting family. Okay? He's a little less, you know, more grounded in where you're visiting. We never got to meet because he was traveling back to his home, and so I was never got to meet because he was traveling back to his home. And so was I. But we exchanged numbers since we thought we Had a good connection. You had a good text connection. FYI, his profile said he wanted something casual. Okay, Believe him. As my, as Maya Angelou once said, if they believe him. If, as Maya Angelou once said, if he says on the dating profile he wants casual, believe him. And I thought I wanted the same at the time. Okay, the more we text, the more I realized he had a lot of qualities that I really value in a partner. And I knew it was a potential to get messy if we did not want the same things. You would be right. So I, I, I. Your fear is warranted. You can feel however you want. But I'm just, I'm agreeing with you. I expressed this to him. He said he was not interested in a relationship at the moment. And I told him that I think it's best we stop texting. He respected this and we have not spoken since. In two months time, I'm traveling to his city for work. We live a six hour drive apart, and he will be there for. And we'll be there for close to a week. Is it silly for me to reach out to him to get a drink? It's you shouldn't I. Everything. You know why? You could have written this any way you wanted, but you chose a specific way to write it. And I'm, I'm just saying the answer sometimes in the email for me. And I can't tell you what to do. You don't have to listen to me, but when someone writes to me, I'm try. When someone writes to me, hey, met a guy, great connection, but he wants something casual. I told him this is maybe getting over my head emotionally. I got to back out. Unless he can be more serious. He says goodbye. Then you write, I'm traveling to his city for work. And then here's the part maybe, maybe people wouldn't notice this as much as I do. You write we live a six hour drive apart. Right? Now you're trying to convince me it can work. I'm not even him. When you write we live a six hour drive apart, that's you saying, that's not that much, that's not that big a deal. Or that's you asking me it's only six hours, right? Hint, hint. He could be convinced to be with me if he finds our connection as special as I do. No, he can't. It's over. No, now if you wrote to me, I'm going to this new city, I am just down to fuck, that would be, that would be a different answer for me. With warnings. With, with. Hey, let's make sure that's okay. Hey, he's gonna treat you like a boyfriend would, and you're gonna go back to this feeling you had before, where you're going, well, look at all the boxes he checks. And I'm telling you, no box for him overtakes being honest, that he wants to be casual. And then you say to me, well, going to be close. I'll be there close for. I'll be there for a week, which is enough time for us to fall in love before the str. The clock strikes 12. No, no, I'm sorry. I wouldn't. He said casual. Casual's the winner. Casual is. You gotta wait for him to come to you. I've thought things over. You're right. We have a connection I never thought of. Love me, kiss me, be with me. I love you. No, that's not what's happening. And it will feel. I'm telling you in, you know, I'm the ghost of hookups future. You hook up, he's cool again, you have a great connection. And it will almost feel like he came back to you and he did not. Is it silly to reach out to him to get a drink? I'm not really expecting much from it, but thought it would be nice to meet in person and satisfy my curiosity. No, everything you're saying is, well, I could just meet him. And I know again, you're putting in things in this email. If you wrote this differently, I would maybe have a different answer. Would you feel weird if a girl from a dating app reached out to you two years later? No, I wouldn't feel weird. I'd want to still fuck them from two years ago. And I'd probably still consider that girl from out of town who, you know, I'd want something casual from because I'm not really thinking of those things here. I. I don't think too. And then you might. Maybe. Maybe. I guess your. Your. Your feedback to me would be, it's been two years. Maybe his situation has changed. Maybe he is looking for more. Maybe. Maybe. How would you approach the situation? What would you say? It feels oddly vulnerable, and I'm not even sure what outcome I'm hoping for. Any input would be greatly appreciated. I. I love this email. This email is so much more 2025 than maybe someone would realize because the 1982 version of this email is a love and romance story that would be fantastical and amazing. The 2025 version of this story is a little more gross, like 1982. No Internet, no phone, no know you know, you have a number in your pocket that two years later, it still works. Oh, my God. He picks up. It's a landline that he still has. He hasn't left that rental he was in. Hello? It's me, Veronica. We met at the bar that night. Oh, my God, Veronica, I do remember you. He doesn't have the, you know, 2025. He has the text you sent from two years ago so he can read up on what the connection was. He can text you after the hookup. So, you know, you leave in 1982. Oh, we tried, but it couldn't work out. And then you dream and you think of him and, you know, in. In, you think of him glowingly. That experience, that wonderful ride you had, that, oh, what could have been 2025. You watch him on Instagram forever and ever as he gets married, has kids, and has a happy life without you. That's annoying. Again, this is like the times we live in. You get a cell phone with Google Maps that tells you exactly how many minutes it's gonna take to get to the airport. And you also get to watch an ex move on with their life after they told you they didn't have the time or resources to do that. So I think that this is me being Jared. You know, negative, negative. J Train, I'm sorry. Here's the one thing you can do if you. If you want to test yourself, test your spirit. I would send a text. Hey, I know it's been two years. If you do and I'm. Because I don't think I can stop you. You're. You said you're curious. Hey, I know. And I'd like to get a drink. And if you're up for it. I'm still single. Not sure of your deal or what you're even looking for. And you say drinks and that's it. I'm just telling you I'm here to warn you. I'm here to try and protect someone that, you know that. I don't know that. I. I just know what's going to happen. J Train podcast. Com. J train podcastmail.com we are sponsored. Neutrful. It's if folks rubbing your bald spot for good luck is getting old. Do people do that? It's time for neutral. Neutrophil is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over 1.5 million people. You can feel great about what you're putting into your body. Since neutrophil's hair growth supplements are backed by peer reviewed studies and N NSF content certified, the gold standard and third party certification for supplements. Neutrophil clinically tests final formulations to ensure their efficiency, their efficacy using a variety of hair measurement tools like hair counts and pull tests to assess growth, quality, shedding and texture. 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When you go to neutrophil.com promo code Feather and find out why Neutrophil is the best selling hair growth supplement. Brand new.com spelled n u t r a f o l.com promo code feather neutrophil.com promo code feather so as I said before, we have three emails. The first one was just beautifully written and also like a new tale that's as old as time, weirdly. Jared, longtime fan, Patreon subscriber. Thank you. We have a Patreon. It gets you the Friday episode of the the this we daily thing that we do every Friday. I basically do my diary from the week before. If you're listening right now, Friday's Patreon is all about Chicago, Milwaukee, Minneapolis and kind of the behind the scenes and the touring life and all that stuff. And I was a, I was in a positive mood this week. I really felt good. It was a. If you want to feel me in good spirits, I'm in good spirits now. I'm sitting here in Durham in this hotel room that needs a little help. I would needs a little. I'm going to talk about it on Tick Tock Tuesday I will be talking. No, I taped coffee with J Train. Feeling really good about the show. And you know, know, Patreon, if you're, you know, listen, you can support the sponsors that supports the show. Patreon keeps this thing going. You know, if you're not a Patreon subscriber, the people doing the five bucks a month there, they're a lot of the reason this show keeps on chugging along on a daily schedule. So I, I, that is, you know, if you feel like, oh, I listen to the show a lot and I want to put five bucks a month towards it, that that's a nice thing to do. But also you get something for it. I don't believe in just and, you know, charity here. Just you're going to get a Friday episode that I, that I will say this about the Patreon people. That is the most consistent monthly subscriber I could ever imagine. I, it stays within 20 people every month of what it was the month before. Like, it never goes down. So that's, I guess that's a, pretty much, that's as good a compliment as I could hope for. Okay, I have a question for Mailback Mailbox Monday. I'm in my late 30s, happily partnered and child free. I have two very close friends that are causing me some anxiety going in 2026, going into 2026. One is planning on serving her husband divorce papers in January and the other is choosing to have a baby on her own and is due in February. Okay. A lot of life moments coming. Both have hinted that they're going to need my support and I've already, both have hinted that they're going to need my support and I'm already feeling overwhelmed about it. This is a very female issue. The, the idea of the, and not saying that's a bad thing. I'm saying I, it's hard for me to relate to it that you know, having the, the community, the, the, what do they say? We were raised by the. It's not the tribe, it's the. I can't believe I'm going to kill me. I'm going to get 30,000 DMS. 30,000. You know, it's the, A village. It takes a village. Like when it, when you, when I hear it takes a village, I think of like mothers getting together and, you know, and, and helping one another, not the dads. So the idea of one of my friends or two of my friends coming to me and being like, hey, I got quite a month coming up and just gonna need you to be by the phone ready to help out wherever you can. I. I actually can't imagine that reality in my life. So the fact again like it's beautiful that you're friends and it's. I mean it could bring you to tears to think about a friendship like that where someone's like I have this major thing coming and I'm gonna need you. Like what an amazing thing. But again from your side. I don't envy that at all. Oh, that sucks. You better be ready. I might gonna have an ex husband soon. He's gonna be mad. Get ready to help out like okward. I work full time and in a part time caregiver for my parents. My mom needs full time care and my dad is pretty healthy but still needs support. I'm torn because I want to be there for both friends and their kids but also want to live my own life. I do not want to be expected to fall into a quote unquote partner role because of the divorce or single parenting choice. I made the decision to be child free on purpose. Just like the they made their choices. Please help Childfree is. I like this email. It's very honest. This is. And I can feel your concern. You got things going on in your life here, here's my like, here's my Easy there big fella. Maybe that should be a segment. Easy there big fella. If you need to be calmed down, write into J train podcast gmail.com. we'll call it Easy there big fella. I'll calm you down. I'll. I'll. I'll pet your mane as I, as I put my cheek against your cheek. Easy, easy, easy. Let me, let me get you a little bit rested here because I think you are in a spiral and I mean that in a very caring way. You are presented with vague future. There's nothing scarier than I'm gonna need your help. I don't know what, I don't know when, I don't know why, but I'm gonna need your help. It's the equivalent of. There was an episode of How I Met yout Mother that was a running gag in the series where I think it was like the. One of the characters was owed three slaps in the face and they did a great job on the show of like showing how annoying that is that someone and you go what do you mean slaps in the face? I guess it was like someone. As part of a, a gag on the show. It was like someone was owed something and the way they owed them was to say you can Slap me in the face three times. So like it became like a running thing where this would be reference. And I. They did a good job of saying like that slap coming or knowing that you have three that are just out there was really hurtful and annoying. Met emotionally because you don't know when it's coming. You don't know how it's coming. You don't know if it's gonna hurt. You don't know if it's gonna ruin what day of your week. And I think for you, you are. That's where you are. You are being warned. And almost the warning. Ruin it is what ruins it for them. Like if they didn't say anything and they just came to you when they needed your help, you probably wouldn't even resist it. You'd probably go, of course I'll help you. So I think the warning is what's kind of making you go a little. The warning is going to be worse than whatever you have to help them with. I don't think your friend who's having a child factored you into the parenting of this child. I think that would be a very weird and not a great thing to do to someone. I think your friend who's getting a divorce didn't factor. May have factored you into like, hey, I'll have a friend to hang out with. And. But that's not a reason to get divorced. So they are doing these things on their own, even though it feels like they're calling you to like make sure you can help. What I would say, well, so that's like first. So how do you get ahead of this? I think, I think maybe a text or a call or a drink where I think getting a drink with both of these friends or getting together with them, hearing them out, you have until the new year until all these things come up. I think hearing them out and saying to them, and this is again easier said than done, hey, I think having a drink because texting loses the tone. So making a plan with them, you, you must be very close. If they're saying, hey, I'm going to need your help coming up, make a plan with them. Right now, it's the 17th of November. I think that that time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is really a good time to get together with friends and family. That's a time that people like to go out. That's a time that people are like, the gym, I'll go get a drink. So you and one of the these friends, maybe separately you go together and you. And you say to Them. And I would repeat this to them. I know you mentioned that you're going to need my support. I just want to let you know I'm there for you. Of course. I also want to let you know it's given me a little anxiety because I have things going on in my life, and I want to make sure that I'm there for you when I don't let you down as a friend. So can you give me a hint on as to what's on your mind? Can you kind of clue me in on what you were thinking when you said you're going to need my help now? If it's a dinner once a month, that's something I can do. If. If it's a random call that could come at any time that you're going to need me to help you while you're crying, I don't know if I can do that. And. And I think that's a. I think you can be honest like that with a friend who claims they're going to maybe call you when they're in their toughest time. I think you can be honest with them. So that's my. That, to me, is a solve for you. You think? And it seems like the opposite. You. You might think the opposite's true. Oh, well, I should just ignore this so it'll go away. I don't. I think that'll make you feel even more anxious. I think if you say, hey, let's get. Let's get some drinks soon. I want to go over all the things that are going on in your life, and that is, hint, hint, you're about to do some shit that's going to veer you off in another direction. You get drinks. Hey, I've been thinking a lot about your call. You said you're going to need my support. What do you have in mind? Because I got to let you know, it's given me a little anxiety to not know how I can be there for you. How can I be there for you? And now you're sitting at the table literally negotiating. And that's what. Friendships, families. That's what it all is. Negotiations. If you think of it that way, there's, you know, take the emotion out of it. I think the emotion is what you get when you don't know what's coming. So you get angry. You're like, how could they think I have the time to deal with their fucking divorce? How could they think that I'm gonna be the mother to their child? Right? That's ridiculous. That's not what's gonna happen. It's gonna be more normal than you think. Really appreciate your email. I think this is a great email. We have another sponsor, Hero Bread. Stop skipping the toast with breakfast and grab Hero bread. Hero makes sliced bread that's high fiber, low net carbs, zero grams of sugar. You never know. It's low net carb and high fiber from the texture. It's soft and fluffy like you want it to be. Check out their bagels, tortillas, croissants, and now even Hero noodles. I want to let you know, I eat Hero Bread. I have it as toast when I can, when I'm home and I can be regular and normal as I. I've been on the road for like it's going to be two weeks coming up and with a day at home in between where I'm between partners or partners. The apartments I'm between. I'm between my, my wife and my, my mistress. No, I'm between apartments. I, I have a new apartment and an old one. I'm moving and this is. And I'm on the road. I'm in Durham and in a hotel room that's really has a horrible layout. Here's what I'll say about Herobred when I am like on my game. I love it because I want bread and I want it to be efficient. I want low calories, low carbs. I want it to be filling me up for longer. Hero Bread does that and it tastes great. Keep an eye out for their delicious small drab, small batch drops and get on the wait list for any best sellers. Hero bread is offering 10 off your order. Go to Hero Co. Use code J train at checkout. That's J train. When you do, I would just do the sliced bread and you pop it in the freezer and it's going to be there for you. That's what I do. Last one. Jared Feather. Feather. I'd love to get your thoughts on whether I should move from my small town in Tennessee to Fort Myers, Florida for no other reason than I can. I'm 35, female, single, a teacher, longtime listener, subscriber. I recommend you up to friends constantly. Love this email lot and then they go into bullet points. It's a very teacher written email. I love it. Let me just say off the rip. You're 35 and you deserve an adventure. And I will say this, it is. My move from New York to Delray beach was kind of not forced. You know, the word force make maybe sounds too strong, but it was, it was a. It Was a little bit of a right turn for me and I'm happy I did it. It could be reinvigorating. So. But let's get to the bullet points. The last couple years have been tough. I ended a long term relationship engagement in September 2024. We loved each other, but his mental health struggles made the relationship unsustainable. My dad was also in and out of the hospital last year. My family irons. My family and I aren't super close, but I see them often since I'm nearby. They're not very happy people. And I'm aware I don't want to model my life after theirs. Okay, two. Those are two solid reasons to create a little bit of distance from what you call a small town. But you know, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you running away from these people will make those problems any better. Since the breakup, I've noticed twice since the breakup, I've moved twice. And I'm back in my hometown. It's convenient, but I don't feel like myself here. I visited Fort Myers a few times last year. Close friend's son lives there, so I know I have some fun. Familiar faces. I loved it. The beach, the weather, the energy. I even cried during the drive home because I felt like I was leaving where I wanted to be. I've already looked into schools, rent and my budget. It's doable, but tighter. The job would be more demanding. Rent higher, but salary higher too. There isn't a person I'd be moving forward. Just me. And I keep telling myself I can try anything for a year. Since you've made a similar start over somewhere new move, I'd really appreciate your perspective. Thanks for all you do. Your show has genuinely helped me navigate this stage of life. Well, I am happy I could help in any small way. Here's what I would say to you. You answered the email for yourself. This isn't a person I'd be moving for. I'd be moving for me. Beautiful. It is. That is like. That's really nice. You should do it. That's my answer. I'm almost like I'm a little emotional reading this email. It is. I'm happy for you. You know, this is. I. You didn't really say single teacher, longtime listener, so. And you said that, you know, the rent's higher but the pay is higher. So that is fine. I mean, like, I. I gotta say, you know, we're all just kind of like floating through this thing. We're all just trying to like have a nice hour. Where we sit and take a breath and feel some contentment. And I, I. And I think if Fort Myers could do it for you. And here's the thing, you can do anything for a year and come back. I'm not telling you you're gonna come back. I'm just saying, go do it. Do it. What's the worst that could happen? Let's look here. I mean, I, I guess you could look at the. The worst that could happen. The worst that could happen in your hometown where your parents are nearby, that they don't feel they're not seemingly very happy and you're, you know, your former fiance who has their own issues is nearby, is like, you got to repeat the cycle for Myers is new. You're going to. And it's beautiful there. The. I mean, some of the best sunsets in the world that I've ever seen. Great area, good people, good food. I've been, I've been a couple times. My parents used to live there. So nearby enough they were at. That was the airport that we flew into. Good airport that takes you all the way anywhere you want to go. Really comparable. The Fort Myers airport. I would compare to PBI as one of the best airports in the country. So I'm telling you, do it. But don't blame me if it doesn't work out. I think it'll work out. I think. Here's the thing. Everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a best for the best. That was told to me once, and I kind of repeat that to myself when I'm like, just pushing myself a little bit. Everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for the best. And I do think for me, I'll speak personally. The move for me has made me more creative. It has made me more, you know, healthy. You know, I've, I've taken more care with, you know, how I operate. It's made me. It's been a nice set and separation, the separation of work and lifestyle. And maybe for you, you need the separation of life, home life and work and, and, and where you live. Maybe you need the separation like I kind of needed with comedies, with what's going on at home with your family. So I would do it. Congratulations on the move J Train podcast. Every Monday's mailbag Monday, J train podcast@gmail.com. back next.